Date: Tue, 27 Mar 2001 10:28:54 -0500
From: Lyndhurst Rutherford <lyndie_73@hotmail.com>
Subject: Tad's Story     Ch.13

Tad's Story
Hello, my name is Lyndhurst Rutherford, or Lyndie for short.
The following story is purely fictional.
This is a concerns friendship, love, and sex between boys.
If you are offended by my work, please don't read it.
If this story is illegal because of your age or locality, don't read it.
This, dear reader, represents my first attempt at writing short stories.
If you do choose to read on, I would so enjoy hearing any and
allseriousobservations and critiques from you.

Please feel free to e-mail me at lyndie_73@Hotmail.com.

Copyright 2001, Lyndhurst Rutherford, all rights reserved.

------------ Tad Story..by Lyndhurst Rutherford...lyndie_73@Hotmail.com


Chapter 13


	"Sam...,You must be strong".

	"You must be strong".

	Indeed...............

	That's what I kept telling myself each and every moment of every
day since I had come back from near death and my father had given me the
worst news of my young life.
	 Each and every day, became a laborious task in trying to paste a
smile on my face and cheerie humor in my voice, in the hope that Tad
wouldn't see the tears behind the smile, the gloom underneath the cheer.
	But, after all, it was for his..., no..., our benefit that I
continue this charade.
	I just couldn't help being confused.

	On the one hand, I wanted to be the selfish lout that wanted Tad
all to myself, quietly thinking up ways and schemes that would allow me to
keep him here, beside me.

	On the other, I had to be the more responsable, knowing full well
that whatever scheme I cooked up in my childish mind, ultimately, I knew
what had to be.
	In the end, I was intelligent enough to realize that, what would
occur may cause me to lose him forever, and all selfishness aside, it was a
sacrifice I had to make for his happiness.
	I knew all the correct reasons and their was no denying what
rightfully had to be done.
	Still.....my heart, our hearts, would be torn in two, as if we were
the two pieces of the medallion the father had given me.

	It had been nearly a week and a half since I forced myself out of
that wretched sick bed and onto my feet once again. After a day or so, the
doctor had come to the house to fully inspect me stem to stern, and even
allowed me to remove the sling from my arm.

	Gradually I regained the use of my arm and only had to deal with
the annoying soreness in the area of the wound. The only thing that would
remain, would be the scar. A small reminder that would travel with me all
the days of my life.

	All this time, Tad never left my side. Trying to do everything for
me, as if I were a totally helpless baby.

	It took a considerable amount of persuasion on my part to get him
to loosen the apron strings, so to speak.
	Oh, but he was so sweet, and I fell ever so much more in love with
him at each passing moment. The more we were together, the more I needed to
be with him. Just his presence in an empty room, was enough to fill me with
a warm glow. To see his shining face, his smile, his eyes. To be able to
simply reach my hand out and hold his in mine, was enough to make me
forget, for a time, about the end that I knew loomed closer and closer with
each passing day.
	It was as if we'd been born to be together.

	In our public relationship, we seemed to be more than best of
friends. We were totally inseperable. Tad had become the passive one,
preferring me to take the more dominant role. Whatever I said was done.

	That was not to say that Tad was without his opinion, temperment,
and famous stubborness, oh indeed not!

	 But somehow, he always relented to me as being the stronger, the
calmer, the more level headed of the two of us.

	The only time he became the aggressive one, was when we were
alone. Oh god how he made me feel when he held me in his arms and looked
deeply into my heart with eyes, just before he would softly kiss me with
those sweet lips, making me forget who I was and what planet I was on. All
I knew in those moments was that I was forever his alone.

	The simple little words of love he would whisper hotly in my ear at
the peak of our love making spoke volumes of the way he loved me.

	It had gotten to the point that we didn't even need to make
love. Simply finding solace in cuddling warmly together, falling asleep
wrapped in each others arms, and awakening in the same sweet embrace we'd
gone off in, was indeed enough.

	Tad always preferred that my arms be wrapped about him because it
made him feel safe and secure, as he warmly spooned up against me and
sighed as contentedly as a kitten, as we both drifted off to sleep.

	Dear God, how in the world would I ever adjust to sleeping alone in
a cold bed again? Not being able to feel his warm body against me, softly
breathing through the night. Not being able to reach my face down to kiss
his cheek or nuzzle his ear and smell his scent so close to me. Not being
able to hold him in my arms and protect him from....from......

	Oh dear God, Sam. Stop it!!....stop it now before you go completely
daft!
	Remember...You must be strong..........., You must be
strong...........

	As I started to say before, it was a week and a half that I had
been up and about. The entire house was in an uproar, being scrubbed from
top to bottom by Commander Annabelle and her stormtroopers, in preperation
for the party this Saturday evening, and the arrival of his majesty.

	Tad and I were up to our usual selves, spending every available
moment together and mucking about the woods.

	We had also become quite accustomed to being accompanied constantly
by Michael and Brandon. It seemed that we'd all four formed a common bond
that no one besides ourselves understood. Which is to say, that we were
much closer than normal friends. Being with Tad and I, provided the other
two more excuses in which to be together without seeming obvious to their
families, and we were all free to be ourselves with our respective mates
without fear or embarrassment.

	It amazed me somewhat, the looks in their eyes as they cuddled and
kissed.  The love they had was so explicit, so warm and real. I wondered if
Tad and I looked that way to them.

	It was a beautiful Friday morning.
	I didn't fancy going in the water yet, so I sat, naked on the banks
of our lake hide away and looked on as the other three, Tad, Michael, and
Brandon, splashed and chased each other in the cool, clean water, laughing
and carrying on as boys will, with not a care in the world.

	Actually, I was watching Tad mostly, as the water made his sweet
body shine and sparkle in the early morning light, trying to form a vision
for my memory. A vision for my minds eye that I could recall later on,
after.......  ................after he'd gone.

	How sweet and perfect he was, with his boyhood flopping about each
time he jumped out of the water in his splash attacks on the other two. So
perfect, so handsome, so innocent, so........................

	I must be strong......., must be strong.....

	We had arrived here long before daybreak, and I was now content
with watching the early morning sun, rise through the wisps of clouds,
reddening with first light. The bright rays of morning light, peaking above
the tree tops and between the sparse branches, making me squint with it's
dazzling brilliance.

	How I loved a morning sunrise. The summer air which slowly dawdled
past me, still cool and smelling sweet with dew, as the birds chirped their
morning songs, and squirrels scurried up and down the tree trunks, begining
their days work.
	How happy the world seemed this morning.

	And,...how miserable was I, my mind pressed with my own guilt at
having decieved Tad for so long.

	Why?
	Why in the hell did I have to be strong? Why me? Why...US?
	It just wasn't fair...wasn't fair at all....
	We deserved to be together. We deserved our happiness.

	To say that, at this time, I was jealous of Tad's father, would
have been an extreme understatement.
	 Was it selfish of me? Yes?
	But then, I was always selfish when it came to Tad. I wanted him
all for myself, damn it all.

	I must be strong......., must be strong.....

	And now the time had nearly arrived. In a matter of a few short
hours, we'd have to say goodbye, for............who knows how long.

	Better they should rip my right arm from my body and toss it into
the fireplace, as I would miss that less, than my sweet angel.
	As it was, both our hearts were about to be ripped from us.....

	I tried valiantly to stop my lips from trembling, the few tears
that burned my eyes capturing the glinting sunlight as it started it's
descent down my burning cheek. How I wished for God to give me strength to
last the day and not fall apart.

	I must be strong....I must be........., I thought as I quickly
wiped away the few tears that had arrived and threatened to destroy my
resolve.

	I sat on the bank drawing my legs up and resting my arms and chin
on my knees, my naked buttocks being tickled by the cool, wet sand, and
closed my eyes, taking in a deep breath of sweet morning air and feeling
the warmth of the new sun apon my face.

	My serenity was abruptly shattered a few moments later when I felt
a familiar, strong hand on my shoulder.

	I opened my eyes to see Michaels strong smiling face looking down
at me, as he sat next to me on the banks, exhausted, and dripping water all
over me in the process.

	"Cripes!!! Those two can knock a bloke about a bit, eh Sam?", he
huffed as he tried to catch of his breath what he left of it.

	"Aye'? Sam? Are ya' alright mate?", he asked as I continued to
stare blankly, out across the trees, not even replying to his last comment.

	"Sam???"

	"Hmmmm.......?"

	"I say's, are ya' alright mate?", he asked, softly now, with slight
concearn in his voice.

	"Why of course. Why wouldn't I be alright?", I said flatly.

	"Ah...well, I never seen ya' this quiet before is all, an'.....".

	"I'm quite alright Michael, thank you!", I suddenly snapped.

	The moment I'd said it, I wish I hadn't. The wall I tried to put
myself behind was cracking. I felt so awfully ashamed of myself for having
snapped at Michael. He's done nothing wrong, except show concearn for a
friend, and knew nothing of what ate slowly away at me.
	How could I have spoken to my dear friend this way?

	For a moment it remaind still, except for the playfull noises that
Tad and Brandon were creating. I knew that I'd hurt my friend when all he'd
wanted to do was find out what was making me seem so sad. I hadn't realized
that I had become that obvious.

For a moment Michael didn't know quite what to say. I dare say, that, had I
been anyone else, Michael would have no trouble finding just the right
words to put me in my place.

	But, being the kind of person that Michael was, he wasn't to be put
off by the likes of me so easily. Michael wasn't put off by someone he
cared about.

	"OK lad.......", he said calmly, but with determination in his
voice.  "Come on..out with it".

	"Out with what?", I said, my chin still buried behind my knees.

	"Out with what? Oh come off it gov'. You're sittin' 'ere with a
look on y'face like you've lost y'ruddy puppy, ya' been slouchin' about
f'days an' not at all bein' the Sam I know.

       Sam....please, I do know you a bloody long while, eh?. C'mon mate,
I'm y'friend right? Y'can tell you're bleedin' friend what's eatin' you".

	Finally the cracks in my wall began to crumble like a tired sea
wall being pounded by the breakers. I could feel my face burn, and the
tears forming at the corners of my eyes, and it was all I could do to hold
them off, lest Tad see me, and I couldn't have that at all. I had to talk
to someone or else I'd go completely balmy.

      "Have I been that obvious?", I croaked, barley able to get the words
out.

	"What??? A've ya' been that bloody obvious??  Does a one legged
duck make bleedin' circles in the water? C'mon gov....what gives?"

	I drew a deep breath to steady myself and keep from crying out in
sheer anguish.

	"Oh..Michael...I--I can't. Not here. Let's take a walk or
something, eh?"

	For a moment Michael and I looked into deeply each other's eyes and
I knew that he could see the pain that lurked behind, clawing to be set
free.

	"E're Sam, I'll fix it. Get y'trousers and boots on".

As I put my trousers and boots on, Michael told Tad and Brandon that we
were taking a walk in the woods to gather wood for a fire.


	"Michael, won't Brandon be jealous, you going off with me?"

	"Nah,...He's too jealous anyway. Sometimes it feels like he's
chokin' me w'his carry'n on an' such.
	C'mon, then let's be off, eh?"

	Michael and I started into the woods, silently at first, gathering
bits of wood as we went, as I tried to pick a point at which to start
talking.

	As we stopped for a moment, Michael leaned against a tree looking
at me.  The silence was deafening.

	"So....c'mon Sam. I didn't come out 'ere t'look at that cute little
face o'yours".

	I looked at my friend, and as I started to speak, I lost myself to
my bloody emotions.

	"Oh..Michael...I'm going to lose him.........", was all I could get
out before my voice cracked and the tears of my pent up emotion choked me
as I dropped all the wood I had gathered at my feet.

	As I stood before him with the tears streaming down my face,
Michael came to me and put his strong arms about me, calming me and
stroking my hair as he hugged me to him, burying my wet face against his
hard chest and rocking us back and forth.

	 It felt so safe being held by my friend. I knew I truley loved
Michael, but not the same type of love that I had with Tad. With Michael, I
loved him as I would an older, protective brother. If I was Tad's protector
then Michael was mine.

	"Shhh..it's alright now lad. It's alright...C'mon now Sam, start at
the top an' tell me what's going on, eh?
	What do you mean you're going to lose 'im? Who? Tad?"

	Michael still had his strong arms wrapped about me as I started,
slowly to explain what had me so upset. Once I started, the words seemed to
tumble out all on their own, as if a damn had started leaking with a mere
trickle in the wall which grew and grew until the deluge exploded from the
sheer pressure.

	 I told him about my time with the angel Michael and of what he
said to me.
	 I told him of Tad's father and how I was going to lose him after
the party tomorrow night.
	And I told him about how Tad couldn't find out, and how ashamed I
was at having to decieve him all this time.

	When I was done, Michael simply held me in his embrace. His chin
resting on the top of my head, his hands stroking my shoulders and hair and
not saying a word.

	I, for the moment was done crying, as I stood in the safe
protective warmth of Michaels arms with my ear to his chest, listening to
his heart thump inside.

	We stood in silence for what seemed like an eternity before Michael
softly spoke.

	"Y'know, Sam. I'm not that smart as you others, but I figure that
God put you two blokes with each other for a reason. I don't think that
he'd off an' take 'im away from ya' permanent.
	Your bloomin' angel said so hi'self didn't he? He said that you two
belong together.
	Lord have mercy, Sam. I still can't believe that ya' been there an'
all.  But, if that's what they says,...well they been right about all the
other things, eh?
	Anyway, y'can't think he'll hate ya', cause your doin' it for his
own good.
	Oh yeah, the little twit will most likely be mad at ya' for a bit,
knowin' his bloody little temper.
	 But I know that he won't stay that way,.....he loves you.

	I wish you could see the way he looks at you when you're not
lookin' at him. Me an' Brand see's it. Bloody worships you, he does.

	Sam...,he'll do what ever you tells him to.

	Even if he don't understand it then, in time,..... he will, mate.

	Sam....I wish I could make it all go away for you, but...I can't
mate.  Y'father's right. You know he is. Tad's got to find his family
again. If he doesn't he'll blame you later.
	Y'know....I know's he loves your sweet ass. He'd be a fool not to.

	I know it'll be rough but, Don't you fear, I'll be 'ere for ya'.
	Me an' Brandon both will be here for ya'.
	An' soon, you'll see, he'll be back and you two'll be together
again. I know's it mate. There's nothing I can say that'll make it hurt any
less. I wish there was".

	"Oh...Michael...just hold me for a bit...please?".

	Michael and I stood there together for a time not saying
anything. After all, what was there left to say? God had his master plan
for us, father says it was right, Michael says it's right. I simply have to
tell myself that it won't be forever.

	I must be strong,...must be strong...

	After a bit, Michael and I gathered up all the wood that we'd
collected for the fire and headed back to the lake before the other two
started wondering where we'd gone off to.
	Good thing we did because as we came into the clearing, Tad and
Brandon were just coming to look for us. It would have been a sticky one at
that to explain what I was doing with Michael's arms about me, eh?

	After we'd built a fire to warm ourselves a bit, Michael and I
dropped our trousers once again, turning to see two other naked boys trying
desperately to warm their cold bodies at the fire. They'd been in the water
so long, their lips had started to turn blue.

	"Look at these two Michael, practically freezing. What ever are we
to do with them?"

	Tad turned to me, smiling his sweet angelic smile with lips
quivvering with the cold. That same sweet smile that could instantly cause
me to forget all my troubles. As he gazed softly, warmly, into my eyes, his
invitation was crystal clear.

	 "If you loved me, you'd come warm me up", he purred, pouting
softly.

	Picking up one of the blankets that we'd brought along, that now
lay at my feet, I placed it about my shoulders much like a cape and slowly
walked toward him, all the while never tearing my gaze away from his loving
eyes that drew me to him.

	Finally, when there was but an inch between us, I threw my arms up
and about us both, enveloping my lover into the darkened warmth of our
blanket as his cold smooth body made delicious contact with my own, and I
shuddered with the sudden chill.

	Slowly we pressed our young bodies together as I began to warm him,
my hands kneading the soft, goose pimpled skin apon his muscled back and
down the soft curves to his backside, his own hands snakeing their way
about my waist, massaging my backside and pulling my warm body ever closer
to him, until not even the air could remain between us.

	As we reveled in this sweet bliss and Tad's body grew warmer by the
second, there was heard the faint sound of thumping. The equal thumping of
two boyish hearts beating together as one.

	Tad's breathing quickly became sweet stacatto gasps, and mewls of
pleasure as he pressed his head against my chest and slowly began licking
my nipples.

	It was then that we both fought to remain standing as both our
ridged boyhoods played a game of getting warm on their own, becoming quite
reacquainted as they rubbed and slid hotly against each other.

	As my head spun with erotic dizziness I took Tad's head between my
two hands, pulling him unwillingly off my nipple and leaning his head
back. My hands stroked the wet hair on either side of his head as time
stood still and I slowly kissed his forehead, working my way down to his
eyelids, then down his sweet little nose.
	As I reached his lips, feeling his ragged breathing apon my lips, I
reached out the tip of my tongue, licking those sweet tender lips that I so
craved, belonging to the boy that I so adored. Then quickly, without
warning, Tad's hands shot up and about my neck, trapping my lips apon his
in a passionate kiss as our bodies became glued to one another and we fell,
slowly in what seemed like a dream, to the ground.

	"Ohhhh...Sam....Do you..do you know how much I love you?", he
panted as his body slid and squirmed hotly about on top of me, kissing any
available space that his warm lips could reach.

	"Why don't you show me how much you love me?"

	"Mmmm.....How do you suppose I do that?", he giggled sweetly in my
ear.

	"Love me Tad...Love me please.....", I pleaded.

	And with those words, I broke free from his strong arms, turning
myself about so that I rest on my tummy, offering my love the opportunity
to once again make me his. Perhaps...perhaps for the last time, I thought
sadly.

	My body quivvered as I felt sweet Tad kiss the back of my neck, his
tongue working his way down to the sensetive spot between my shoulder
blades, as his strong hands roamed about my body, touching me in places
that were only his to touch. Loving me in the way that was only meant for
him.

	Slowly, Tad hovered astride me, placing a leg on either side of my
hips and lowering himself down apon my soft backside, until suddenly, I
felt the all too familiar heat of him touch me between the cheeks of my
backside.

	As he lowered himself further, I felt the hardness of his boyhood
as he ground his hips into me as he let loose a moan of delight, and
finally the sweet weight of his entire body as he lay sweetly, warmly atop
me, his lips nibbling my neck and ear lobe, sending a hot bolt of
lightening surging through my body.

	As my lover slid himself along the entrance of my world, I realized
that it may hurt a bit as I didn't have the room to spread my legs, with
his holding me in place. Nor was there any lubrication on either of us. But
I would be damned if I was going to stop him. Somehow I needed him to take
me. I needed to feel his hard masculinity pinning me and forcing himself
apon me.
	I wanted Tad to love me hard.

	Slowly he sat up still astride me, massaging my backside with
strong sensetive hands, my consious fading and spinning as I lost myself to
him.
	In the next moment I felt his boyhood hardness wedged btween my
cheeks sliding to and fro while being kneaded by my lover.

	All I heard were his moans of ecstacy and sucking in air, as I used
the last of my brain to beg him further.

	"Ohhh..yess...Tad! Ohhh God that's so nice...Please Tad...don't
wait...ohhhh..ggg..oodd..ughhhnn...show me...show...me..show me you love
me.  Ohhhhh..God love me...please Tad..Ohhhh...I need you inside me".

	"No Sam...not yet", he giggled through his gasping last breaths.

	"Not fair..Tad!! Ohhh...why?? I need you now..ohhh please...", I
hissed as I lifted my backside slightly and pressed back against his hard
member.

	But my pleadings did no good as I felt him lift off me and scoot
down lower.
	What had this sweet imp in mind?

	"Tad...ohhhhh...you're driving me insane...ahhh..where are you...?"

	All too quickly I had my answer as his hands resumed the massage of
my back side, but now I felt...ohhh....dear godd...!!!!!
	An electric charge raced through me as I suddenly felt a warm wet
tongue replace it'self where my lovers hardness had just been, leaving a
trail of warm liquid from the top of my crack to my testicles as his tongue
sweetly probed. Each time it started it's descent, going deeper and deeper
between the hot cheeks of my backside.
	This was all too much as my hands clawed the blanket and I lost all
self control, moaning at the top of my lungs and professing my love for
him.  As it was, I was powerless to stop him as my mind exploded and my
body shook with desire.
	I was entirely his, to do with what he desired.

	I now felt entirely wet having been kissed and probed by Tad's
tongue.  And then, when I thought it could not get any better, I became
aware of his hands now parting the cheeks to my back side, and his hot, wet
tongue probing deeply into my body as my mind burned with white hot light
and my hips ground themselves furiously into his tongue, needing more and
more, as his hot, wet tongue found the entrance to my body and slithered in
deeper and deeper, wiggling the tip of his tongue inside me as I slowly
lost my mind.

	It was no use trying to contain myself, and I cared less if the
entire world heard my screams of ecstacy as I could not control my own body
any longer. I was his, totally and entirely his.

	I was about to pass out from exhaustion, when at last, his tongue
was gone, and he now lay himself back down apon my body. My legs splayed,
waiting...waiting for whatever my love needed to do.

	Then again, feeling the sweet hardness of his boyhood as it probed
again, against the wet, open entrance to my body, and raising my hips,
offering no resistance to him as he lowered himself down and in with a
grunt escaping his lungs, as he slipped slowly up and inside me, my muscles
forming a well fitted glove about his hardness, totally enveloping him, as
if this place were designed to fit him and him alone.

	"Oh Godd.......ooooo Sammm...I love youuuu..I'll always love
my...mmyy mmmannnn....oohhhh...yesssss", he hissed as his hips moved slowly
back and forth like a sweet piston, totally filling me and leaving, filling
me sweetly with his love and leaving.
	I silently thanked God for this beautiful boy inside me, and
promised myself that no other would ever be in this place but him that I
loved.

	As he slid ever so slowly in and out, I gave it an extra boost by
tightening my cheeks about him as he pulled out, refusing to let him leave.
It was then that I realized how glorious it felt when he pierced me in this
fashion. I could literally feel every bump and vein on his sweet hardnes as
he loved me.
	Tad's pace was now quickening as I sensed his end was almost apon
him.
	Using all my strength, I picked my hips up slightly and let him
drive deeply into me as never before, as his pace quickened and he grunted
and pounded me fiercly, caressing parts of my interior that I never knew
existed, save for the probing hardness of my lover.

	"AOhhhh...DEAR GODD!!! TAD!!!!......YESSSSSSSSSS...TAKE ME
PLEASE...HARDER SWEETHEART...OOHH..MY SWEETNESS, MY
ANGELBOY...........OHHHHHH....SOOOOOGOOD....  SOOOO......AHHHHHH....TAKE ME
HARDER...OHHHH YESSSS..SO HARD......  YESSSSS..OOOHHHH...THAT'S IT....COME
ON..LET IT GO..LET IT GOOOO....  ANGEL...DEEPER...DEEPER..YESSS..OOHHHH
SHOW ME YOU LOVE ME....SHOWWWW MEEEEEEEE....AAARARARRGGHHHHHH", I squealed
over and over,as my mind whirled and I spurred him onward.
	Then.....the firestorm had reached it's climactic peak as my sweet
angel tightened his arms about me, as his I felt the soft skin of his body
slide along my back, the fevered heat of his skin sending my body into a
tingling tail spin. His lips and tongue kissing and hungrily nibbling my
neck as he panted his sweet words of love in my ear, over and over. Lunging
himself into me again,and again. When all at once he suddenly froze, his
body ridged and his screams filled the woods, and I felt him pulse,actually
felt his boyhood pulsing and throbbing inside me as he buried himself
inside me, totally impailing me as he emptied himself into me, and I became
wet inside..........so wet.................  so blissfully wet with his
love.........

	It seemed as though an eternity had passed as Tad and I lay,
exhausted, floating in our warm cloud of euphoric bliss. Tad's warm body
lay apon me still, breathing steadily, his heart beating a steady rhythem
apon my back with sweet loving arms wrapped about me as he protected his
love.
	 I had noticed that not only had my sweet boy made me wet inside, I
had also wet the blanket beneath me with my own wetness. It would not have
mattered if you had placed a gun to my head and pulled the trigger.
	During those final moments, all I felt, my whole world, was
exploding with my angel, and I would not have noticed anything else. It was
only important that I had gone to a heavenly place and come back, together
and as one with my love.

	Then, without warning, a mere trickle, and then the deluge, as my
tears came and I sobbbed, burying my face into the blanket. It was no use,
no matter how I tried, the facade still dared to crumble and the worst of
all things, as Tad couldn't help but see that I cried.

	Before I could stop, Tad had slid from the top of me and now had
his arms about my neck, his hands stroking my hair, and his sweet lips
trying to kiss away the tears that flowed from my eyes, as he cuddled me
and tried to comfort me.
	"Ohh!! Sam!!! W-why? Why are you crying...did I hurt you? oh...God
tell me please tell me.........", he pleaded, alarmed and confused.

	I had gotten myself into a fine mess. And now, after he'd made such
beautiful love to me,....I had to lie to him.............. again....
	God I hate myself right now....

	Must be strong....., must be strong......................

	Somehow, I managed to stifle my tears, almost choking myself.
	When I gained enough composure, I looked at him. Looked deeply into
those sweet eyes.
	Those eyes that had caused me to fall so maddeningly in love with
him in the first place. And I.......I....Dear God forgive me. I lied to
him.

	I smiled through the tears and snot that dribbled from my nose as
he took his fingers and wiped them away, as if I were a baby and he, a
father without a handkerchief.

	Still he gazed at me questioningly.

	"No You little twit, you didn't hurt me. I just can't believe that
I love you so much. I just can't control my emotions somtimes".

	"You're sure?", he said soothingly as he stroked my cheek, never
taking his gaze from mine.
	It's as if he wanted to be sure I was telling the truth by watching
my eyes.
	"Oh yes Tad, I'm quite sure", I whispered, as I closed my eyes and
put my arms about him, drawing his body close to mine.

	"Please Tad, hold me a while, won't you? Just hold me. It feels so
good when you hold me", I begged.

	I'll never know if he truly believed me or not, as my eyes refused
to allow him in. But, nonetheless, Tad stayed close and held me tightly in
his arms, not broaching the subject any further.

	"Sam???"
	"Hmmmm...."
	"I'm not cold anymore!", he giggled.
	We both did.

	How I hated myself as I reveled in holding him so close, the scent
and feel of him filling my senses perhaps for the last time. God if only
time were to stand still, I.........

	 	Must be strong....., must be strong......................

	The next thing I can recall was waking up with a sleeping blond
head nuzzled against my chest, arms and legs wrapped about me.

	As we lay there, I looked down apon the top of his head. Such
beautiful hair, so fine I thought, as I reached my hand in to tenderly run
my fingers through.

	 Good lord it was bloody hot inside this blanket.

	I reached my hand up to find the end of the blanket and pulled it
back just far enough that my eyes peeped out.

	For a moment I had to allow them to become accustomed to the
sunlight outside. Judging by the position of the sun it was most likely ten
thirty or eleven o'clock.

	The morning chill had started to be replaced by the heat of the
summmer sun, as it rose higher in an already humid sky.

	Suddenly I recalled that Tad and I were not alone here at the lake,
and looking about, I caught a glimpse of two other naked boys asleep on top
of the other blanket just across the now dwindling fire from us.

	How beautiful they looked. It reminded me of an old masters
painting.
	So at peace were they as they slept, their bodies glowing in the
sunlight, arms and legs intertwined and cradled in the warmth of their
love.

	Tad chose that moment to stir, as I looked back apon two sleepy
eyes partially hidden behind dishevled blond locks, smiling as his eyes met
my own, then hurridly closed them again, trying to shield them from the
invading sunlight.

	"Well it's about time you woke up, you sleepy little vagabond".

	His only response being a kittenish purr, as he lay his head back
on my chest, planting soft little kisses on my chest while cuddling me
closer to him. I lay my head back apon the blankets and closed my eyes as
well, relishing the feel of his soft, warm lips on my skin.

	"Sam.........?"

	"MMmmmmmmm....?"

	"Must we go through all that nonsense tomorrow? I mean, can't they
give us our awards in private?"

	"Why Tad? Are you nervous, eh?"

	"Well...", he started, and placed both hands on my tummy and his
chin resting on his hands as he talked.

	"Well...I really don't want to make a big to do over all of this
and.....", he trailed off and I knew there was more on his mind.

	"And?....and What, Tad?"

	He sort of frowned for a moment and continued.

	"And all those people from the village will be looking at
us. They'll be looking at me and thinking, 'Oh that poor Winslow
boy. Daddy's dead and his mother is locked up in an asylum'. They're all
going to be sitting there feeling bloody sorry for poor little Thomas
Winslow".

	"Tad, I think that's alot of bloody rubbish is what. I think
they'll all be jealous".

	"Jealous??  Jealous of what?", he said, looking at me
questioningly.

	"Jealous that their little guttersnipes aren't getting an award
from the king. Jealous that they don't have the kings ear as we do. Jealous
that their sons don't have lovers like you and I".
	I threw the last one in hoping to get a smile on his face and it
worked, because...well, you should have seen the look of alarm on his
face!!

	"What!!! Sam! Do you mean that they all know of.......Oh,I
see....Mister smarty pants! You're mocking me again aren't you??", he said
half laughing and half scowling.

	 I couldn't control my laughter as he'd fallen for it again.

	"Oh, Tad....such a twit sometimes!! Ha, ha, ha.........".

	"I'll fix you mister smarty pants Hedge", he hissed as he suddenly
sat up on top of me pinning me to the ground as the blanket went flying,
and proceeded to tickle the daylights out of me.

	"NO!!!! Tad NO!!! Come now...cease please!!!", I screamed as I
laughed hysterically, trying to bounce him off me.

	"Mock me, eh?", he hissed in a mock evil voice.

	"STOP!!! PLEASE STOPP!!!! AAAHHHHHHH...STOP...", I squealed at the
top of my now breathless lungs.

	"Promise me that you'll stop!", as he kept up his tickling attack
and I squirmed, helpless, underneath him, quickly running out of breath.

	I was laughing so hard that my stomach hurt and tears flowed from
my eyes.  Happy tears! The first happy tears I've shed in quite a while.

	"Come on..PROMISE!!!", he demanded.

	"Ohhhh Aahhhh!!!! YES..YES..ALRIGHT, I PROMISE, I PROMISE!", as my
laughter made me choke.

	"That's better!", he said as he sat up on me in triumph, folding
his arms and pointing that sweet little nose right up into the air.

	As my laughter ceased, I gazed up at my Tad sitting naked atop me,
his penis resting on my tummy, his hair a mess, as he sat defiantly astride
me looking every bit the victor in this battle.

	The new morning sun shining on his hair, setting off the gold of
it's color and lighting up the soft lines of his face, held my gaze
transfixed. Oh God how truly beautiful he was.

	I reached up my hands that were now finally free, and taking them,
he held them softly to his lips, kissing each finger as he would worship
each, while gazing at me softly with those sweet eyes. And slowly, he bent
down, putting each arm on either side of my head to support himself, and
touched his warm lips to mine, kissing me deeply, as I put my arms about
him and tenderly held him in my embrace.

	After a bit we both sat up on the blanket, stretchng.

	As we sat in silence for a moment, crosslegged across from each
other, I thought that this might be a good time to give Tad his half of the
two medallions that father had given me.
	Actually, I was going to give it to him today, it was just a
question of when.

	I reached over for my campsack and pulled out the box that it had
come in.

	"What on earth have you got there?", he asked as I sat back down
holding the box.

	"Well, it's a little something for you...well actually for the both
of us".
	Tad looked at me questioningly with a glimmer in his eye and a
smile begining to curl his lip.

	"Well, are you going to show me or do I have to guess", he said.

	"Oh...here, you open it", I teased, handing him the box.

	Tad took the small box from me and slowly cracked the lid to peer
inside, suddenly drawing a gasp of astonishment.

	"Ohh,....Sam!! They're beautiful!", he whispered as he held one up
to glimmer in the sunlight as it dangled on the delicate gold chain.

	I stood up and went to his back and genly took it from him. I
opened the clasp and placed it about his neck.

	"Oh, my, Sam. Where in the world did you get them and why are they
split in half?"

	"Well the medallion is the first 'money' my father had ever made
and he was going to give it as a present to someone he loved, a long time
ago, but never got the chance.
	To him it always symbolized love. He had it split into two pieces
for you and I as something to remind the other of our love when we're
apart.  When we're together we become as one like the medallion. Here, let
me put mine on and I'll show you".

	I reached for the box, but Tad gently stopped my hand.

	"No Sam, let me?"

	So Tad stood up, and facing me, softly put his arms about my neck
and clasped my medallion about my neck. Then he took the two halves and fit
them together, and the two became one.

	Tad smiled proudly as he gazed at the glittering symbol of our
love.

	"Oh yes!...Have a look see at the inscription on the back !"

	Tad grasped a half a medallion in either hand and turned them until
the words caught his eyes.

	" 'Love', 'Always'. 'Love Always' ", he whispered as the smile
radiated from his lips.

	"Now then...If we should ever be apart, for whatever reason, simply
hold your half in your hand and I'll be there. You'll always have my
'Love', and I will have you 'Always' ".

	"So lovely Sam... I'll never,never,never,never,ever, take it
off. It will be like carrying you about with me always", he whispered as
he, warmly, wormed his skinny arms about my neck again, pulling me slowly
into him, and as he cocked his head to the left, we gently kissed each
other slowly and lovingly, savoring each kiss as one would a delicate
flower or priceless jewel.
	His sweet kisses, they were my delicate flowers, my everpriceless
jewels.

	"Why don't you ever give me pretty things like that??", chimed
Brandon as he playfully gave Michael a little slap on the behind.

	"Aww, 'ere he goes again. Jealous of all what he ain't got.  Ya'
got me love, ain't that bloody enough?", as all we heard then were
Brandon,s soft giggles.

	Suddenly Tad and I realized that we were putting on quite a show
for Michael and Brandon, who had just woken up and were now having a bit of
a lark, mocking us.

	I was about to admonish the both of them and turned my head in
their direction to do just that, when Tad stopped me by drawing my head
back to face his, and kissing me again, and again, and...yet again. Making
it quite impossable indeed, to recall what it was I was going to tell them.

	As we stood there rubbing our noses together, like two silly
Eskimoes, I spoke up or we'd still be there.

	"Well, Master Winslow, I don't know about you, but I could stand a
washing.  Join me for a swim?"

	Instead of answering, Tad was quite absorbed in the words of the
medallion yet again, reading them over and over.

	We dawdled and softly gazed into each others eyes, when we each
took a word.

	"Love......"

	"Always...."

	"Race you there", he said as he pushed himself away from me with an
evil giggle, and took off in a sprint.

	"Bloody Cheater!!!", I yelled as I quickly followed behind him,
jumping in the water just as his head appeared above the surface and nearly
drowning him again.

	Soon we were attacked by Michael and Brandon as they ran for the
water, hitting at the same moment and creating a tidal wave of their own.

	The remainder of the day was spent in the lake, playing, frolicing,
and rough housing as boys usually do. We took time for breaks on the bank
and had several discussions on how nervous we all were at the prospect of
being in the presence of the King. After all, Michael and Brandon had never
met him as Tad and I had. They both kept going on about how proud their
families were and such.
	 I did my best to assure them both that they would get by just
splendidly and that the king was an absolute pistol and not to be feared at
all.

	"Cripes, we all got to wear bleedin' suits with cravats an such. My
dad went out an' bought me a brand new one just for the occasion", lamented
Michael.

	"I wish you could wear a suit all the time sweets, you look so
awfully handsome in it", smiled Brandon as he gave Michael a quick peck on
the cheek.
	"Aww...go on with such rubbish. All I know's is, the dockworkers at
Dad's warehouse got a bit more respect for me now. But I still can't get
away without havin' to work", he sighed shaking his head.

	We all laughed, all except Tad who wore a look of concern on his
face.

	"What's wrong now?", I asked.

	"Well..I just realized that I don't have a suit to wear. What ever
am I going to do?"

	"Well, I'm not supposed to be telling you this, but Annabelle and
Mother planned on going into town today to pick up a suit at the tailor
shop that Mother and Father had made just for you".

	"For me??? I...I can't believe it!!", he shouted joyfully, clapping
his hands together.

	"Well...it was going to be a surprise, but I didn't want you to
worry".

	Tad didn't know what to say. He suddenly turned away from me, and
as I watched, his cheeks blushed a sweet shade of pink as little tears
dribbled down.

	"Wha...wha...what the devil is wrong now? I thought you'd be
pleased?", I asked confused.

	"Oh...Sam!!! Oh..I am pleased! I am so very pleased", he squealed
as he threw his arms about me, hugging me tightly with wet cheeks.

	I pulled my head back a bit, seperated from his by mere
centimeters, and looked deeply into his sweet captivating eyes, trying
vainly to stem the flow of little tears.

	"Then what?", I whispered.

	Then, through the tears, his eyes smiled and sparkled, his whole
face beamed with happiness as he spoke.

	"Sam.....Your parents, you,...all of you, have been so kind to
me. Whatever would I have done without all of you. I just wish that my
par... How can I ever hope to repay.....", was all he could get out before
the words became choked inside his throat.

	"Tad,....my parents, they love you as much as I do. Differently,
yes. But just as much. You're a hard person, not to love. I suppose that's
why I can't stop myself from being totally, madly, in love with you, not
that I'd want to stop.
	Tad, you're every bit a part of my family as I am. You see, we're
you're family too. You don't have to payback anything. Our love, my
parents, mine,....it's unconditional. It's what family is
about. And....somewhere, somehow, I know deep down in my heart that your
parents love you, and are proud of you as well".

	Ahhh...yes. I knew all too well..............

	Tad just kept looking into my eyes for the strength he needed,
losing his battle with the part of him that tried to stop those confounded
tears.  With his cheeks becoming redder and wetter, I reached my finger up
to his cheek, halting a tear in the midst of it's dribbly little nose dive,
then placing my finger against my tongue.

	"Mmmmm....Salty. Salty, but nice.....". That was all I managed to
get out before Tad grabbed me hard and kissed the bloody stuffing out of
me.

	"I love you Sam..."

	"I love you Tad..."

	"Hey there...don't forget about us...", yelled Brandon as we all
fell back in laughter.

	When our giggling had stopped, Tad looked at both Michael and
Brandon.

	And you two.....both of you...I know you both only a short amount
of time, but...I,...I love you both. You're my best mates".

	Michael and Brandon couldn't seem to find the right words with
which to reply, so we simply sat in silence for the moment, listening to
the sound of the birds in the trees being carried off through the woods by
a warm summer breeze, and the warm feeling of the friendship that we four
shared.


	_____________________________________________________________


	It was nearly nightfall by the time we four 'Houligans' had finally
made our way back through the woods and into civilization once again.

	What a splendid day it had been. Just us four, swimming, laughing,
talking and simply being boys on a warm, carefree summers day.

	We came out of the entrance to the woods, starting along the well
worn dirt road that led back to our lives. The sun, hanging low on the sky,
now begining to fall swiftly behind the trees, transforming the uppermost
tree tops into a burst of firey red and pink pastel hues.
	The clouds, slowly drifting past, also absorbing their share of
warm evening color, as the sun slowly set, giving way to the first stars
and the early dusk.

	Eventually, all good things must come to an end, as suddenly we
found ourselves at the crossroad where Michael and Brandon must go one way,
and Tad and I, the other.

	Before parting, we all agreed that now matter what happened
tomorrow, we'd never let it all go to our heads, and that we'd all be
honest and true to each other, and friends for life. We then shared a group
hug to seal our pact.

	Tad and I stood at the crossroads holding hands, while watching
Michael and Brandon walk their own way, then turned and went ours, still
hand in hand.  It was now dark enough that no one would see us, not that I
really cared any longer.

	We hadn't exchanged much conversation on the remainder of our
walk. I was tired and I suppose Tad was also. It was just enough holding
his hand as we walked home.

	As the house came into view we saw that there was a car parked in
front.  One that I had never seen before, and rather fancy at that with a
driver sitting at the wheel waiting for the occupant, whomever that
was. Perhaps one of fathers business associates.

	At anyrate, just as Tad and I had reached the door, we were pounced
apon by Annabelle. It amazes me to this day, how she ever knew that we had
arrived.  Must have been some sixth sense or some such nonsense.

	"Well, well....so nice of you both to join us for dinner!", she
said in her most sarcastic tone, as she stood in the doorway with arms
folded like a sentry on duty.

	"Oh..,we're so sorry Annabelle, we just lost track of the time
and..."

	"Master Samuel, I'll thank you very kindly to spare me the excuses,
if you don't mind. You both don't look that bad so you needn't
bathe.....this time, but...Master Thomas I'd like for you to accompany me
to your room and try on the new suit Mister Hedge has gotten you. As for
you Master Samuel, your father left word that you are to report to his
study the moment you arrive.  Now then Master Thomas, I....."

	"Report to his study? What have I done now?"

	"Master Samuel, I was not made privvey as to the exact nature of
his request. I am not in the habit of questioning your father. Now off with
you".

	I watched as Tad and Annabelle ascended the stairs to our bedroom
and started to walk towards Father's study. I wondered to myself what this
was all about. After all, I thought he was busy with an associate. Why
should he need me?

	Quietly I made my way to the door and stood just outside, hoping to
hear a little of what was going on. I let my eyes focus on the door trying
to see through it somehow, when all at once it hit me. A sense of dred,
deep down inside of me, like someone or something telling me that I didn't
want to go in there. I gathered up my courage and raised my hand to knock,
but had to force myself.
	Slowly, lightly, I felt my knuckles hit the door, once, twice,
three times.  The door opened and there stood Father, followed as always by
the smell of cigars.

	"Ah yes, Sam. There you are. We were just talking about you".

	We? We who?

	As I entered the room, my eyes left Father and focused on the
Gentleman rising up from the chair that faced fathers desk. He was a rather
tall gentleman, very thin, almost gaunt, blond hair....his face looked
tired and pale, as if it had seen and been through the gates of hell.
	 And his eyes............ohhh my Lord God, NO!!!! Those eyes of
his!! I had seen those eyes before...I knew those eyes, I thought as I
tried to keep my knees from buckling. No!! Not so soon...He can't be here,
NO!!! This can't really be happening!

		Must be strong....., must be strong......................

	"Samuel, please allow me to introduce, uhh,
Mr.....Winslow. Mr. Edgar Winslow.
          Mr. Winslow, my son, Samuel".

	Fathers voice sounded a million miles away, as if in a dream, with
every letter, every syllable pounding at my head like a hammer striking an
anvil.  I felt as if I had been picked up and tossed, head first into a
brick wall when I had least expected it.

		Must be strong....., must be strong......................

	Somehow,......I saw a hand shakily stretch out to me in greeting,
and somehow, my own hand shaking, I managed to reach out as it was taken
by...Tad's father.
	 All the while, looking into those eyes, the same eyes that his son
had been blessed with, the same eyes that I had fallen hoplessly in love
with.
	And I fought. Dear God, how I fought hard, the urge to run from the
room, crying and screaming. I fought the urge to heave up all that had gone
into my stomach in the last few hours.

		Must be strong....., must be strong......................

	"Hello Sam. I, ughhh...I hoped you wouldn't mind my coming to talk
with you before tomorrow. I just needed the chance to meet you and talk to
you before all the ceremony and such. I wanted to take the time to get to
know the boy that.......saved my son's life. I do hope you don't mind?"

	"Mind?...W-Wh-Why n-no sir, not at all". I heard these words come
from my lips, I even felt them jump from my mouth. But.....where I got the
will to speak, I'll never know.
	Of course I minded! I bloody well did mind!
	Why did he have to come?
	To know me? I didn't want to know him. I just wanted this over and
done.

		Must be strong....., must be strong......................

	"Sam....will you sit with me?"

	I lowered my head and politely nodded my head, Yes, and took the
seat next to his, across from Fathers.

	"Would you like me to leave Sam?", asked Father.

	"No Sir, please stay, I....I....."
	I looked up from the floor into fathers face and by the look in my
face, he knew that I needed him there. Perhaps for moral support.

	"Samuel......", started Mr. Winslow

	"Sam!, Call me Sam, alright?"

	"Alright then. Sam it shall be".

	"Sam......In the first place, I should like to take this time to
offer my complete gratitude. You have placed your life before that of my
son's and saved his life. For that....I will always be eternally garteful.

	As he spoke, I summoned up the courage to look him directly in the
eyes. No sir, I was not going to be a coward. I was going to be a man and
hold my head up high.
	His eyes as I said before were just like Tad's. Captivating in
their beauty, kind, and loving. I somehow had the impression that I was
looking at a grown up version of Tad. If true, then Tad was going to grow
into a handsome man. A man of grace and ruggedness. A man with the sweetest
eyes.................

	"Sam? Are you listening to me?", Mr. Winslow asked perplexed. I had
been lost in his eyes while he spoke and hadn't heard a word.

	"Actually sir, I didn't hear a word of what you just said. I was
thinking of how how much you remind me of your son".

	I couldn't believe I had just said that, but decided that I would
not take this lying down. Yes, I would be polite and respectful as my
father had always taught me to be, but Mr. Winslow would know, in no
uncertain terms, just how I felt about his son, and how I felt about this
arrangement.

	Out of the corner of my eye, I could see that Father was astonished
at my answer. He could sense where I was headed with this conversation, as
if he were able to read my mind. He was just about to repremand me, when
Mr.  Winslow stopped him.

	"No Charles....don't stop the lad. Let him speak freely. After all,
he nearly lost his own life. He's earned the right.".

	Father simply looked at us, sat back in his chair behind the desk
and stuffed his cigar back into his mouth, puffing on it nervously.

	"Sam, please allow me to continue where I left off.
	 You must realize that it was not my intent to abandon my son and
his mother. When I was asked to act as an 'informant', if you will, I had
not a clue that it would turn out as it had. I felt that it was my
patriotic duty to my king and country.
	As it turned out, it meant five years, five lonely years of hard
torment and abuse. I will never forget the beatings, the heat, the awful
suffering and sickness of fellow captives that, quite unfortunately, did
not make it.  I was bound and determined that I'd never let that ruffian
and his associates take my life. I would not let them win.
	The only thing that kept me alive was the fact that I knew, deep
down in my heart, that I'd be free eventually. Somehow, I knew that if I
could manage to hold on, God would set me free and that I'd see my family
yet again.
	How many nights I lay awake in my hut, chained to a post, sleeping
on a dirt floor with all sorts of vermine crawling about my body, and rats
biting at my skin. The only way to ignore all this was to imagine my
family. I imagined them the last time I had seen them. It was the only
thing that I had left to hold on to. And....and....."

	At that point he could go no further. His emotions had so
overwhelmed him that he could not speak. Instead grabbing his handkerchief
from his breast pocket and rising to turn away from us, lest we see that a
grown man can cry.
	All my reserve, all my hard baked attitudes of disdain for what
this man wanted to take from me, began to melt very quickly. So did my
heart.
	How could I find it inside me to become angry with him. All I had
thought of was what he wanted to take from me.
	In my selfishness, I must admit that I had never thought of what
life had taken from him. No matter how it hurt me, I could not deny him the
right he had as a father.
	No matter how much I loved his son.

	It was strangly quiet in the study for that second or two that it
took Mr.  winslow to stand and walk away a few paces to compose himself.

	At that moment I simply followed my heart. I stood and, walking up
behind him, slowly took his hand. He turned and looked at me, the tears
still appearing in the corners of his tired eyes. Eyes that had fought for
every bit of life. A life that he now needed to put right again.

	As we looked at each other, I put my arms about his waist, and
simply hugged him. Soon after, his arms came about me in much the same way
as we both stood there and hugged each other, both of us now crying a bit.

	Eventually, I looked up into his face yet again, and spoke my
heart.

	"While it is true, I am less than thrilled with the prospect of Tad
leaving, I also realize that it is the only thing I can do.
	You must understand that I.....I......."

	"You love my son?", he said, softly and directly.

	"Y-yyes sir, more than you may ever imagine. But I know that you
love him as well, and I must let go so that he can have you back in his
life again.  If I were to prevent that, it would only come back to haunt us
later. It would always come between us".

	"Sam, your father and I have been discussing your, uhhh,
relationship, shall we say, with my son. While I am not entirely thrilled
with the idea, mostly because of the predjudice surrounding such a
relationship.....I do want my son to be happy, and ....I do owe you a great
deal.
	Sam, you must understand one thing, and I'm sure your father will
agree with me on this point, that when it comes time to return to this
place, after my wife has recovered and we are together as a family again,
things may have...changed.
	People change as they grow and his feelings may change, yours may
also change.
	Are you prepared for that eventuality?"

	I thought for a moment, looking down at the ground. I had indeed
thought about this these few weeks and I had already come to my conclusion.
	Slowly, I looked up at Father for a moment, seeing a great look of
concearn on his face. But I needed only smile at him to assure him that I
knew my answer.

	"Mr. Winslow, I have known Tad only a short time. But in that time
it was apparent that he and I had a unique sort of relationship,
and..... Ohhh dash it all sir...My father has told me of Homosexuals and
quite frankly I don't know if I am or not. I haven't given much thought to
girls, but what boy does at my age? All I am sure of is that I love your
son! I love him with everything inside me and all my heart. My world lights
up with his smile, and I see nothing else when I gaze into his eyes. I
would lay down my life for him without question and I know that he feels
the same way. Let anyone that would forbid us to be together because they
think it's wrong, be damned to hell.
	 It's because I love him so that I want him to go.
	And,...if it comes to a point in time that he no longer loves me,
or I him...well, at least I can look myself in the mirror and know that
I've done the right thing and this will be God's will. I know that we may
be too young to understand all about love,...we only know what we feel in
our hearts.
	Perhaps it will be God's will that we are to be the best of friends
in the end. But yes....I am prepared. I'd rather have him at least as my
friend, than lose him entirely years from now because I kept you apart. I
only want his happiness".

	Tad's father and I looked at each other for the longest time in
silence.  It's as if we were talking, but....not using words. I was sure
that he understood what I meant. I could see the love in his face, the
kindness in his eyes, and I knew..I knew that Tad and his father would love
each other again.

	He smiled down at me saying, "You know Sam, my son must be pretty
damned lucky to have a friend as dear and as caring as yourself. I feel
that God himself sent you along to watch over my Tad. I wouldn't mind
having you for a son myself".

	"Sorry Edgar old boy,.....he's mine, and I'm damned proud of
him!!", said Father, as we all burst out laughing. For a moment I'd
forgotten he was there!!!

	"Mr. Winslow, have you any idea how long.....ughhh...."

	"Sam...as long as it takes, I'm afraid. The doctors tell me that my
wife's prognosis is actually quite good.
	To begin with, Witherspoon turned her into an opium addict and she
must be rid of that affliction before we can take the next step. But they
say that her habit, as they term it, wasn't that severe and that she can be
weaned off with a modicum of problem".

	Father and I listened to the damage that bastard inflicted and
still could not comprehend the evil that drove him.

	"She is still in a bit of shock that I'm alive after all, and is
suffering tremendous guilt over not having done enough. Gentlemen, I'm
afraid it's going to be a long road back. Oh, and Sam, I am sorry that
you've got to live with the fact that you killed a man. It's not an easy
thing I suppose, lord knows if I could ever have done so myself".

	"I'll get over it", I said, trying to keep a straight face. After
all, only two people in the world know that I didn't actually kill him,
were myself and Sledge.
	But....that's our secret, eh?

	"Sir, are you going to want to see Tad now? Shall I fetch him?"

	"Actually, much as I'd like to, I feel it would be best to surprise
him at the ceremony tomorrow. With all those people there, he's less likely
to raise a fuss at leaving you".

	I had to laugh to myself. That wouldn't stop the little twit at
all.

	"Tell me Sam, what's he like these days? What sort of person is he
becoming?".

	Funny, that I should be the one to tell a father about the sort of
person his son is becoming.

  	We sat down and I started to think of the best answer I could.

	"Well sir, to begin, you and he look amazingly alike. As I said
earlier, you both have the same eyes. Actually, if I may say so, I fell in
love with his eyes first. He's kind, loving, intelligent, stubborn, a real
scrapper!  Gracefull as a bull in a china shop. He's also got a temper and
can be a real tough one. But then again he is also so sweet and caring
about those he loves. He wouldn't hurt a flea if he could help it. Other
than that sir, you'll have to find out on your own!"

	Tad's father simply took in my every word while trying to envision
his son before his eyes, while puffing on the cigar that father had given
him.

	Just then there was a knock at the door that made us all jump. We
were both quiet as father got up to answer the knock. As he opened it but a
crack, I could here it was Annabelle telling father that she was almost
done trying Tad's suit on him and wouldn't be able to keep him occupied
much longer.
	Father thanked her and told her that I'd be out in a moment and not
to worry. Father then told me that he and Mr. Winslow were going to discuss
the how's and where's of how he was to surprise Tad tomorrow, and that I'd
be better off not knowing.
	Hardly giving me any chance to protest, Mr. Winslow spoke again...

	"Sam, I do believe that we haven't much time left. I do so want to
thank you from my heart for...for everything. Were it not for
you..well... There may not be time to thank you tomorrow so......"

	"Mr. Winslow, just.....just take care of him....for...for
me. Remember I love him too".

	"I promise Sam. I'll take care of him the way I should have all
along. I'll take care of him for both of us. You have my word as a
gentleman".

	Just one look into his eyes told me that he was indeed, a man of
his word.  As long as I knew that Tad would be taken care of...

	With that, I stood up proudly, we shook hands and I walked out of
the study, or rather nearly ran, as my emotions were starting to catch up
to me again.

	As I closed the big door behind me, I took a moment to lean back
against it, close my eyes, and let out an exasperated breath. It was almost
as if I'd been holding it all this time, trying to be accepting of this
whole matter while it quite literally tore me to pieces inside.

	 Alright lad...pull yourself together now...stiff upper lip and
all....

		Must be strong....., must be strong......................

	"SAM!!!!.....SAM!!!....COME LOOK AT ME!!", came the excited
childish shouting. I heard the shouts and quickly bolted for the stairs to
my room before he could make it down here and accidently see our 'guest'
leaving.

	"Master Thomas!!! Come back here this instant young man!!!"

	No sooner had I reached the top of the landing, then there came a
handsomely dressed young man, bounding down the hallway towards me,
followed by an exhasperated Annabelle, looking quite relieved to see me.

	The instant he caught sight of me he was all smiles and sunshine.
	"Sam!! Look at me!!!", he crowed, turning about with his arms
outstretched, modeling his new attire for me. It was all I could do to keep
myself from laughing out loud at his silliness.
	Dear God, he was so so sweet, so innocent then. So...so handsome...
	I could not take my eyes off him for all the tea in China.

	"Well Sam? So...how do you like it?"

	"Excuse me sir, but do we know each other? I admit you look awfully
farmiliar....sort of like this dirty little waife I once knew!!!", I said
with one hand on my hip, the other scratching my chin like some nobleman,
and trying to keep from laughing out loud.

	"Wha???....DIRTY WAIFE!!!! OOooooh Sam, I'll fix you....!!!", he
growled with a look of absolute annoyance suddenly crossing his face.

	"Not so fast young man. Master Thomas, do be good enough to remove
that suit before dinner.  And...as for you my dear Master Samuel...be kind
enough to scrub at least a layer or two of that dirt off your face before
you sit at my table!!! Dinner in ten minutes!!! Get going, the both of
you!!!".

	As if on cue Tad and I both turned to her and saluted before
running off...

	"OOhhhh..You two will be the death of me yet......!!!", she shouted
as she stormed off with an angry swishing of her skirts, in search of other
victims.

	As we both flew into the bedroom, slamming the door behind us, Tad
stood there defiantly, his back to me, arms folded, pensively tapping his
foot.

	"Little Waife?....DIRTY LITTLE WAIFE???"

	I just stood there trying hard not to laugh. God he was ever so
handsome in that suit. I had such an urge to strip it off him, one peice at
a time. But then, we'd never get down to dinner, would we??

	"Oohhh...I'm sorry. I was only joking. You actually are quite
handsome in that suit".

	"You don't really mean it! You're only mocking me again!", he said
stomping his foot and turning up his nose indignantly.

	I walked up behind him, put my arms about his waist and pulled him
tightly to me, while kissing his neck just behind his ear.

	"Tad....I do mean it. You are by far the handsomest young man I've
ever seen.  In fact I'm jealous!", I whispered in his ear.

	I knew was getting to him because I spied the start of a tiny
little smile begining to curl his lip, as his head involutarily lay itself
back against me as I kissed his sweet little ear.

	"Jealous?? Mmmm....Jealous of what???"

	"Well, just think. When everyone sees you, they won't be looking at
me at all. Why you'll have all the girls in the village going daft about
you".

	As I continued kissing his neck and whispering in his ear, he
giggled and turned about in my arms until he faced me, his arms about my
neck, his eyes little slits, as he rubbed his nose against mine.

	"Well who gives a damn what they think. MMmmm..all I want...is
you", he whispered as his eyes closed and his lips met mine. Slowly his
little tongue licked the outsides of my lips until I, more than willingly,
let him in, my own mouth bearly pulling his out of his mouth, as his hands
roamed through my hair.

	As we both had to breathe, our lips parted and we stood in the
middle of the room hugging each other as closely as we could.
	We said not a word.
	No words were needed.

	"Sam....we better hurry if we want to eat, don't you think?".

	"Who can think with you in my arms".

	"Silly! Later.....later. First lets get ready to go".

	Reluctantly we let go of each other and prepared ourselves, as best
we could, to get our dinner.


	"Sam...by the way. What did your father want, and who's car was
that outside as we came in?"

	Blast!!! I was hoping he'd forget that and not ask.
	Think Sam....

	"Oh...that was someone from the palace arranging things for
tomorrow and Father needed my opinion on who should be first, is all".

	"What did you say to him?"

	"Say?...ughhh, well that we ought to all go up as a group,
together".

	"Yes....quite! I like that eh? Good show Sam".

	"Well I for one will be glad to put this business behind us".

	"Yes....me too".

	Hopefully his questions would stop now and I wouldn't have to lie
any further. And hopefully by this time Fathers guest was sure to have
gone.
	Just the same, I had a quick glance out the window in the hall when
we came out of our room, just to be sure.
	Thank goodness it was safe...for now.

_________________________________________________________________________


	Tad and I made our way to the dining room and, for the most part,
dinner was a rather quiet affair. Tad and I ate silently, or rather Tad ate
and I picked. I wasn't all that hungry.
	During this time Father discussed what would happen tomorrow.

	It was to be a late afternoon affair out on the patio facing the
garden.

	The palace had sent over a wooden stage like platform, complete
with red carpet and his majesty's traveling throne. The one he used for
functions away from the palace.
	His majesty would arrive by five, and after a few preliminary
speeches by the bloody Mayor and some stuffy as hell church officials, his
majesty would present us with medals of some sort for bravery, or some such
nonesense.
	After which, we will all adjourn to the ball room for a party and
dancing.

	Such a bloody fuss, I thought. Father had even hired a small
quintet and there would be cake, ice cream, and treats for the young
people, while the adults had plenty of food, Brandy, wine, and beer.
	Everyone should have a jolly good time.
	Everyone but....me.

	Tad looked up from his food when Father had stopped speaking, and
stood up at his chair wearing a very serious expression.

	Now what was he on about?

	"Mr. Hedge, sir....I was wondering,....when...uhhh, if I
might....."

	Tad paused in mid sentence looking down and trying to think of the
proper words to use for whatever it was that he was about to say.

	It was then that Mother spoke up, as soothingly as only a mother
could.
	"Thomas dear, whatever it is, you can tell us. What's troubling you
child?"

	Tad swallowed hard and then, for a moment, looked down at me then
averted his eyes again.

	Slowly, I reached my hand up to take his softly in mine, feeling
him squeeze tight the moment I touched him.

	Tad looked back at me again and smiled. My eyes met his and I
returned his smile with my own, my eyes telling him,'I'm here with you. You
are not alone. Don't be afraid'. Perhaps, knowing that I was with him would
give him the strength he needed.

	Looking back at my parents, Tad took a slow deep breath and
resumed, only this time sounding more confident.

	"I was wondering, now that this business will be at an end, when I
could see my mother again? I haven't heard anything since,....well since
Sam was shot and they told me she was in a hospital and safe.
	Lord!! I don't even know which hospital.
	You've all been so awfully kind to me, and I've put you all through
so much fuss and bother. It's about time I begin taking charge of what
family I have left and stop being a burden.
	Don't you agree sir?", he asked Father.

	Father was, for the only time in my life that I could recall,
speechless.

	 As for me, I was trying valiantly to hold back my tears. I was so
proud of my angel. He wanted to be his own man now...but...he didn't
know.....he didn't know.

		Must be strong....., must be strong......................

	As Father searched for the words, it was Mother that spoke up
first.
	Slowly, and with deliberate intent, mother rose from her chair,
walking around the side of the table to where Tad stood.

	As she came closer, smiling sweetly, comfortingly, the way only my
mother could, their eyes locked. Mother stopped about a chairs distance
form him and held her arms up, as....as Tad flew into them.

	I couldn't see them, but I did hear the tears of my sweetheart as
he enveloped himself in the comforting, protective warmth of my mothers
embrace.

	It wasn't long before he poked his head up again and they looked at
each other. Tad looking to her for guidance, and mother, putting kisses on
the forehead of a sweet child that life seemed to have dealt the dirty end
of the stick.

	She stood for a bit, looking down apon him, stroking back his blond
hair, looking into his eyes, before finally speaking.

	"Thomas...I never want you to give thought to what you think you've
put us through. In this short time, my husband and I have come to love you.
Just as much, if not more,.....than my son does. I want you to know that
whatever shall become you, you will always have a place in this family and
in our hearts. As for your mother....we know that you will see her soon,
very soon. Where she is, I'm afraid, is still a mystery, even to us. But I
do know that you will be told by a special messenger tomorrow".

	Special messenger?? Father and I looked quizzically at each other
but decided that Mother knew what she was doing and left it at that.

	Special messenger indeed!

		Must be strong....., must be strong......................

	All at once Tad's face brightened, as if someone had turned the sun
on with the flick of a switch.

	"Tomorrow? A messenger?........",then he hugged the stuffing out of
poor Mother, quickly turning about to me and running from her arms...and
into mine.

	"Sam!!! Did you hear? Tomorrow!!! Tomorrow I'll know about my
mother".

	Tad was hugging me, and I was still in my chair. Oh dear...I just
realized that he was hugging me....in front of my parents!

	Oh...the hell with it. I just prtended that they didn't exist, as I
closed my eyes and hugged myself against him....but only for a moment...

	I was then convinced that we were all doing the right thing. Tad
needed his family so awfully much. I knew then that he needed their love as
well as mine. Well....even more so than mine. I knew then that it would
make him whole.

	Oh...but I knew he'd be angry when he finds out that I knew and
didn't say anything. But.....dammit...it was for his own good, and that's
the end of it..............

		Must be strong....., must be strong......................

	The rest of the evening passed rather quietly, with Tad and Mother
listening to that dreadfull Opera music, and Father and I trying to ignore
it and play chess.

	We all agreed that tomorrow was going to be an awfully long day,
and decided to call it a night rather early.

	Later that evening, Tad and I lay in our bed simply holding each
other and cuddling. There was a soft summer breeze drifting through the
window and the crickets were performing a concert just for Tad and me.

	Very soon, my sweet angel lay fast asleep in my arms, cuddled
warmly against me....for what I knew would be the last time.
	As I couldn't sleep, I lay awake for what must have been hours,
feeling his chest rise and fall with slow rythmic breathing, gazing at the
top of his head in the moonlight, stroking the soft blond locks that lay
peacfully unkempt against my chest, and wiping away my silent anguished
tears with my other hand.

	Sleep my angel...Sleep softly and well. Let me recall how you
warmed me this night as I held you, protected, in my arms.
	Let me recall....forever.


___________________________________________________________________________


	Finally, at long last, the day I had dreaded had arrived.

	From early morning on, Annabelle led the staff in a charge of the
light brigade, through the house. Not a centimeter was spared the dust mop
and broom. Not a nook or cranny of the house escaped Annabelle's white
glove.

	Chairs were moved, floors were scrubbed, rugs beaten, and food was
brought in and being cooked to perfection with the smells permeating my
nostrils until I thought that I could not take anymore.

	As Tad and I seemed always to be in the way of things, we quickly
had our breakfast and made a mad dash for the door in an attempt to lose
ourselves elswhere until the seige of Hedge manor was abated.
	We were almost successful, for just as I reached for the doorknob,
we were snagged by General Annabelle herself, warning us not to go about in
the great woods this fine day, and to stick close by.

	As the guests would start arriving at four in the afternoon, we
were to be home by one, rubbed, scrubbed, and dressed by three. This was an
order, and I valued my life too much to argue with the commanding general.

	Besides, it seems as though all the fight has left my
body. Normally I would have argued her into the ground just for the fun of
it.
	This morning...well, I simply nodded my head, yes ma'amed her,
turned and walked out the door with Tad only a few paces ahead of me and
out of earshot.
	Suddenly, I felt her hand on my shoulder. Not harshly, mind you,
but softly as if to sop me for a moment. I turned about and looked her in
the eyes questioningly.

	"Master Samuel, perhaps I'm out of place, but....are you quite
alright? I mean, I....I know about master Thomas leaving and all and,
I've..., well, I have seen with my own eyes the special 'friendship'
between you two....I was just concearned...."

	For just a moment, I looked into her eyes. Warm, loving, tired eyes
that never seemed to miss a trick. Always keeping the house and the rest of
us in top form. A pair of eyes that have been looking at me since I was a
baby. I had no fear of being honest with this woman.

	 "Am I that obvious Annabelle? Is our 'friendship' so obvious that
everyone will see?"

	"Ohhh Master Samuel....not everyone dear child", she said with a
warm smile as she took my face in her old wrinkled hands.

	"Don't be put off, it's obvious to me only because I'm so close to
you and the family, and only because I've been takin' care of you since you
were in a pram with not a bloomin' hair on your head.
	After all this time, I feel as though I love you like a grandson.
	Yes, I see it.
	I see the hurt in your eyes and the sadness in your heart.
	Did I ever tell you how bloody proud I am of you lad, eh??", she
said smiling at me in a grandmotherly way.

	If she wasn't careful I'd start crying again.

	"I'll be alright Annabelle, really. I've sort of become used to the
fact that he'll be leaving and.....and....and if I go on I think I shall
cry", I said biting my lip, trying to keep myself together.

	Annabelle leaned down, still holding my face gently between her
hands and planted a small kiss on my forehead. She smiled at me for a
moment, then standing erect again with her hands on her hips she said, "Now
mind you both, no gettin' into any mischief or I'll give ya' both a good
hidin' in front of his royal highness, I will! Right then...off with ya'".
	Then she turned on her heels and back into the house she went in
search of other prey. And as I watched the big old door slowly close behind
her, I thought of my own grandparents, whom I hardly knew at all because
the all died shortly after I came into the world. But...if I had a
choice...Annabelle was as close as they come to a grandmother.....better I
suppose.

	"Come on Sam....what the devil are you gawing at? A closed door?",
yelled Tad as he came up behind me, shaking me from my thoughts.

	"Right then Tad, lets take a stroll and see who happens along,eh?"

	So it went that morning with Tad and I taking a stroll about the
village, greeting this one and that one, answering a million questions and
shaking hands with almost everyone.
	What irony, I would only be greeting them all again in a few
hours. I must have heard "What's it like to be a hero?", one hundred times.

	Ohhh...such rubbish....., such bloody rubbish.

	I even found myself getting jealous as we happened apon some of the
girls in the village who just went and made fools of themselves fauning and
tittering all over poor Tad. Especially that bloody Lucinda Albright.
	She was the oldest of the girls clique. Wealthy, honor roll each
year at the girls school, simply had to have the best of everything,
spoiled little tart. She had a foul temper and a mouth as wide as all
outdoors.
	Last term she was after me, and now Tad.

	To make matters worse....he bloody well liked it !

	There I stood, unable to shoo these pests away from him, lest they
think it odd. Quite odd indeed. So I had to keep my mouth shut.
But...through it all, I just couldn't be mad at....at him.
	After all..he was so.....beautiful, who could blame them.

	My heart ached so to gaze at him in the morning sun, his hair
shining like spun gold, surrounded by all those cackling trallops, tripping
all over each other to get his attention and getting elbowed out by bloody
Lucinda.
	That face....blushing hot pink at all the attention. It seemed that
the more he blushed, the sweeter he looked.

	 No......couldn't be mad at him. I loved him too much.
	Damn.....if they only knew...if only I could make that wart nosed
Lucinda jealous as sin....if only I could shout it out to the world that I
love him and he loves me. If only I could put my arm about him and hold him
close to me as we strolled the village streets, stealing a sweet kiss now
and again, and causing the old women to gasp and scold us.
	If only.........................

		Must be strong....., must be strong......................

	Eventually I happened to catch a look at the huge clock in the town
hall steeple. Blast ! It was already 12:30. Time to break up Lucinda's
little tea party.

	Amid the girls protests, I led Tad away, but not before Lucinda
made me promise that I would dance with her later. Me?? Now it was me! Lord
have mercy apon my soul, what have I done?...dance with her indeed! I would
sooner dance with Satan himself!

	"Come along Tad, don't dawdle. Annabelle will have us bloody
thrashed good if we're late", I said as I quickened my pace. I hadn't
realized it but I was hurrying so much that Tad had an awful time keeping
up with me.

	"Sam?? I say Sam...slow down a bit eh?", he said giggling, as I
stopped for a moment and allowed him to close the distance between us.

	Stopping in front of me and still smiling, I quickly saw the smile
fade from his face and turn into one of concern as he caught the dour
expression on my face.

	"Whats wrong Sam? What are you mad at?"

	"I'm not mad....just...just annoyed is all...", I said with my
foulest of scowls.

	"Alright, I'll ask you again...who or what are you annoyed
with...and don't you brush me aside Samuel Hedge!!!", he demanded, clearly
showing me his annoyance at my trying to evade the question.

	I tried to delay answering, scuffing the dirt in the road and
digging my hands into my pockets, not wanting to make eye contact with
Tad. Just then there was a hand on my shoulder, then two. Two warm loving
hands that soon had me drawn into an equally warm and understanding hug.

	"Oh...come now Sam...are you angry with me for talking to those
frightful little hens?", he said with that irresistably sweet giggle of
his, while burying his head against my chest.

	"I don't hear an answer....come on...tell me..", he cajolled
sweetly, breaking down my resistance as only he knew how to do.

	"Ohh..well if you must know..It's that bloody Lucinda ! Ooooohh how
I despise her! What a bloody tart...throwing herself at you..then me.  'Oh
Tad how scary!!!'...'My but you're so strong and brave!!'", I mimicked her
in my best falsetto voice, wiggling my hips and turning my hands about.

	"And now...I've got to bloody well dance with her!!!"

	By this time Tad was beside himself with laughter, making me even
more annoyed than I was before.

	"My dear Mr. Winslow! Exactly what do you find amusing??", I
demended, clearly annoyed.

	Tad stopped laughing and looked deeply into my eyes..."Why
Sam...you're jealous!!!"

	"What!!!...Of all the preposterous...!!! Why...I'll have you know
that...that.....I'll....."

	Still holding me, still drawing me with smoke filled eyes...

	"You'll have me know what Sam?"

	"I'll have you know that.......that...you're absolutly...right. How
dare she!!!!! You're mine!!! Not hers!!!! And.. and....."

	I never got to finish the sentance as my words were cut off by two
sweet pair of lips as Tad suddenly kissed me, shutting me up and causing me
to forget being angry....forget Lucinda....forget that we were standing
alone on a main road into the village, where, thank the Lord, no one saw
us, forget everything except the two warm lips pressing themslves against
mine and causing my knees to tremble and a sweet shivver to run the course
from my head to my toes.

	Finally pulling ourselves apart we looked at each other. Slowly,
longingly, before Tad spoke.

	"You're so silly, sometimes I think it's you that's the little twit
my sweetheart. Sam...no girl, no boy, no anything...or anyone, could take
me away from you. I love you Sam....no one else".

	Hearing this, I had to hug him harder. One because I loved him, and
two.....so that he wouldn't see the pain in my eyes.
	I thought about what he'd just said and I wanted to bloody die.

	"I love you Tad", I whispered......"just love you so much....."

	"I know Sam.....I know.....", he said holding me and squeezing me
in his arms.

			Must be strong....., must be
strong......................

	"Sam................"

	"Hmmmm...??"

	"We're going to be late..remember Annabelle?"

	"Oh...to hell with Annabelle!", I said rocking back and forth in
Tad's arms, not willing to let go.

	Tad made the decision for me and broke slowly away from me. As he
did, I spied the half a medallion hanging around his neck and fingered it
for a moment.

	Tad looked up at me with those sweet eyes..."See silly...I am and
always will be yours", he giggled.."I'll never take it off. Now then..let's
get to it. Don't want George to see us get a hiding do we?"

	With that, we ran through the village streets and made it to the
door just as commander Annabelle was coming out to await our arrival.

	"Well now.....bloody good thing you two....I almost had t'give two
boys a hiding.....", she said rather menacingly as Tad and I huffed and
puffed at the door trying to get past her without success.

	"Alright you two..off with ya' and don't forget to wash behind them
ears!!", she ordered as Tad and I raced up to our room, slamming the door
behind us.

	"Blast...I can't see why she had us get here by one, when nobody's
going to arrive until at least four.
	Now what are we going to do with the extra time until we have to be
put out on display?", I groused as I flopped down on the bed.

	"Well Sam......I can think of one or two things we can do
to..ughh..amuse ourselves", he cooed at me, licking his lips with a
devilish grin as he locked the door.

	"Why Thomas Winslow...you naughty boy.....", I giggled, and within
seconds, our clothes lay on the floor and we....well....we found somthing
to do with the extra time..........................

____________________________________________________________________________


	Eventually, I can't begin to know how, we dragged our sore, sweaty,
boy juice soaked bodies, out of the bed, and had managed to be washed and
dressed by about three fourty five.

	"Well Sam....how do I look", he said as he stood at the door to our
bedroom in his new suit, looking for all the world like the most beautiful,
the handsomest sight I had ever laid my eyes on.

	I sighed as I gazed at him..."Tad...you are by far the handsomest
boy in the world, and....and.....", I trailed off.

	"And what Sam?", he asked, smiling, and blushing a fevered shade of
red.
	I captured the sight of him standing in my room and committed it to
my memory, as this would be the last time in, I can't say as I know when,
that his presence, his sweet beauty, would grace the inside of 'our room',
for quite some time to come.

	"Sam??? And what, silly?"

	"I walked slowly up to him by the door, took his hands in mine,
lifting them to my lips and kissing each soft hand as if they were made of
gold.

	"And, you little twit.....no matter who says what, or whatever
should happen.....I will always and forever...be yours".

	"Sam.....you're scaring me! What on earth would happen? Maybe
Whitherspoon coming back from the dead? Here now, chin up!
	You're acting as if this is the end of the world! It'll all be over
in a bit, so no need to worry, eh?"

	"No Tad! No reason at all to worry", I smiled, holding tight to the
tears that caught at the brink of my eyelids like overflowing water at the
top of the dam.
	Tad....please forgive me.........................

	"C'mon then Sam. Let's have at it".

	Tad opened the door to my room and...out we went.



	Must be strong....., must be strong......................


____________________________________________________________________________


	Tad and I made our way down the stairs, through the house, stopping
at the patio doors.

	Looking through the pane's of glass in the door, we saw perhaps the
entire village milling about in the garden. Evereyone attired in their
Sunday best and chatting in small groups, being served wine and cheese from
little silver trays being scurried about by the maids all done up in their
formal uniforms.
	Father and Mother were in heaven, greeting arriving guests at the
garden gates near the drive and chatting with this one and that.

	"Gawd..look at all the people Sam!", he squealed.

	In a moment we were joined at the door by Micheal and Brandon,
whose parents had gone into the garden through the gate.

	Tad and I turned to survay two elegantly dressed, extremely nervous
young men standing before us.

	"Well Tad, what do you think? Will they embarrass us or will they
pass?", I said, hoping Tad would take my cue and have a bit of fun.

	Tad looked them up and down, as if inspecting a prize cow.

	"Well Sam, you know what they say...'You can't make a silk purse
from a sow's ear'. I suppose they'll have to do", he said, turning up his
nose and flouncing away.

	I must say that the two of them didn't know quite what to say, so
they ended up glaring at us until Brandon found his tongue at long last.

	"You two are quite the comedians, aren't you? Why you should be on
the stage!"

	"Ere' now gov. What are you two on about anyway. My father bought
me this bloody monkey suit brand new so just shut ya' gob's eh? Let's just
get this done so's I can be rid of this bleedin' cravat", said Micheal, as
he stuck his finger in between his neck and the tight collar of his shirt
trying to get a little breathing room.

	"Right then lads..all together eh?", I said, glancing at Tad who
was smiling from ear to ear, obviously loving all the attention.

	"Ready Sam", he answered me as he quickly grabbed my hand, giving
it a quick squeeze before letting go and opening the door.

	From the moment the doors opened and we all set foot outside, it
was as if we had all become world reknowned celebraties, as everyone
gravitated toward us, surrounding us, all talking and congratulating us at
the same time. As we tried to move through the crowd together, we couldn't
help but become seperated with small groups surrounding each of us.

	Men shook my hand, Women pinched my bloody cheek, and girls made
bloody googly eyes at me. Everyone wanted to know this and that. How did my
arm feel? Was I scared?, and all such drivvel.

	My school mates, whom I haven't even seen since the start of summer
break, all got me aside at one point, asking me what it was like to kill a
man.
	Would you beleive that? Of course, gentleman that I am, I simply
replied that I'd rather not discuss that part of it.

	Somehow, in the midst of all this confusion I kept scanning about
every now and again looking for Tad and watching him charm people with his
smile and wit. He was handling this entire sharade better than any of us.
	Every now and then, he'd catch me looking and send me a slight
smile. So slight that no one else would have noticed, unless of course you
could read his eyes like only I could.
	A smile......meant only for me.

	Father was as proud as a cigar chomping rooster in a chicken coop,
as were Micheal and Brandon's fathers, boasting to all his associates of
'his son this' and 'his son that'.
	Oh how that man did go on!
	But no one dared not listen...no one could have escaped listening
when Father wanted to be heard!

	Every now and again, I slowly scanned the crowd to see if
Mr. Winslow was about, but didn't see him.
	It was killing me to no end not knowing where he was or when he
would appear.

	A few moments later there was a huge hush that rolled through the
crowd like an ocean wave running up a sandy beach, as a huge, black Rolls
Royce bearing flags that displayed the crest of the royal family, made it's
way slowly up the drive to the garden gates.
	It took me but a moment to realize who had arrived.

	Everyone stood stock still as Father made his way up to the gates
to wait as the black suited driver made his way around to the rear
passenger door of the car.

	I marveled at how stiffly the driver stood as he opened the door
and out stepped.....His Royal Highness, King George V., followed by none
other than, Mr. Smithers, carrying two elegent wooden boxes. One square,
and the other, long and thin.

	Slowly, Father made his way up to his majesty, shaking his hand and
bowing slightly, as they exchanged a few words.

	No one uttered a word as we watched Father lead his majesty up to
the gates with Mr. Smithers a few paces behind.

	As I too watched father, a familiar little hand found it's way into
mine as I looked about to see that Tad had finally found me again.

	By now the crowd had gathered on either side of the gate, leaving a
path right down the center, as the driver scurried ahead to open it for his
majesty and father to walk through.

	His majesty was the first person through the gate, greeting people
and shaking hands with various village dignitaries, and the mayor.

	Arriving at the center of the patio, his majesty paused and looked
about for someone.

	I could now hear him as he turned to Father.

	"Charles...where are my boys, my hero's?"

	Hearing this I started making my way through the crowd with Tad in
tow. As I got near, Michael and Brandon had also emerged from the crowd but
stayed behind Tad and me.

	As we walked up to his majesty, I could feel all eyes apon us. I
must admit that this was a special time in my life. To be so young and have
the King himself come to my home to honor me.

	All our parents, except Tad's were beside themselves with pride, as
I introduced his majesty to Michael and Brandon. They were both so nervous
I thought that they'd wet their trousers right then and there.

	As we four made small talk with George, everyone took their seats
for the ceremony, followed by our little group as we walked to the small
stage at the head of the patio and took our seats, with Tad and I on one
side of the king's traveling throne and Michael and Brandon on the other.

	As we sat through several dreadfully boring speeches by this
minister and that official, the mayor, and so forth, I couldn't help but
nervously scan the crowd looking for some sign that Tad's father had
arrived.
	Blast, I couldn't stand the wait any longer. Let's just get this
bloody thing done up already!

	At long last the time had come when Father introduced his
majesty. As the king strode to the front of the stage, everyone stood out
of respect, bowing their heads slightly.

	When everyone had again been seated, his majesty spoke of
friendship, loyalty, and love for one's fellow man. He spoke of how we four
were a model for today's youth and how proud he was to have us as his loyal
subjects.

	"Ladie's and Gentlemen, it gives me greatest pleasure on this fine
afternoon to present to these four outstanding young men, brave examples of
what it means to be a citizen of the British Empire, the highest award for
bravery in the face of the enemy.
	I speak of the Victoria Cross.

	Now, I had no idea what the Victoria Cross was, but judging from
the gasps coming from the crowd, I assumed it to be of rather great
prominance.

	"For those of you that are not familiar with this honor, allow me
to give a small history.

	The Victoria Cross is the British realm's highest award for
gallantry in the face of the enemy. It has precedence over any other of our
Sovereign's awards or Commonwealth decorations.

	The Victoria Cross was founded by Royal Warrant January 29, 1856 to
recognize the bravery of those who were then fighting the Crimean War.

	 It is available to all soldiers and 'neither rank, nor long
service, nor wounds, nor any other circumstance or condition whatsoever,
save the merit of conspicuous bravery' could make one eligible - truly a
democratic award.

	The Cross itself is cast from the bronze of cannons captured at
Sevastopol during the Crimean War.
	The design, chosen by Queen Victoria, consists of a cross patee
ensigned with the Royal Crest resting upon a scroll bearing the words "For
Valour."  The reverse of the suspender bar is engraved with the recipients'
name, rank and unit while the reverse of the cross is engraved with the
date of the deed for which the recipient was honoured.

	Ladie's and Gentlemen, honored guests, dear and loyal subjects, it
is today, my greatest honor to award these four young men the Victoria
Cross.

	Boy's, would you all come up and stand before me?"

	At that point, we four stood and took a few paces towards the king,
all looking nervously at one another. It was then that I caught a glimpse
of Tad looking at me, slyly grinning from ear to ear. Suddenly, he quickly
leaned into me and whispered into my ear, "You're my hero! I love you".

	It was I who must have blushed, for at that moment I felt my face
go hot and my cheeks start to burn, as his majesty suddenly stood before me
and placed a huge cross shaped medal about my neck and shook my hand as he
had just done with Michael and Brandon.

	As he finished, he turned to the crowd and proclaimed us hero's of
the British relm as the entire gathering got to their feet and burst into
thunderous applause.

	Still.......for all the people, for all the faces in the crowd that
I knew, try as I did,...I could not see Mr. Winslow.

	Where?......When?
	Damn it all...This was killing me!

		Must be strong....., must be strong......................

	We remained standing while an official news photographer for the
London Times took our photograph with our medals on and standing with the
king.

	"Ladies and Gentlemen...." Suddenly the king's booming voice
brought me back to the scene and away from my search.

	"Ladies and Gentlemen, may I have your attention please?", the king
commanded as the crowd quieted almost instantly.

	"We have two more honors to bestow this fine day.

	Samuel Hedge, will you please step forward?"

	For the life of me, I couldn't understand what was to happen
next. The king had already given us our medals, what more was there?

	As I stepped slightly forward, Mr. Smithers came forward to his
majesty carrying the long skinny box. Standing before the king,
Mr. Smithers opened the box. It was then that I saw what this box
contained.
	It was a beautifully ornate, shiney, sword, resting on a bed of
royal blue velvet.

	His Majesty removed the sword from it's bed while Mr. Smithers
bowed and backed away as his majesty once again turned to the crowd as he
held the sword aloft in both hands, and spoke.

	"This sword has been in the royal household since the time of our
sovereign king Richard the Lion Hearted. It's only function, to be used to
induct only the bravest, most clean of mind, body, and heart,into the
sacred order of Knights of the British Empire".

	With these words, Mr. Smithers re appeared carrying a small red
satin embroidered pillow, retrieved from the square box that he'd carried
in.

	Mr. Smithers knealt down before me placing the pillow at my feet
and whispering for me to kneel down apon one knee, and standing back up and
bowing, backed away again.

	My mind spun as I slowly did as I was commanded to do.

	His majesty turned to face me and spoke yet again.

	"My son, Samuel Hedge, in recognition of your love of your fellow
man, for having risked your own life to save that of a friend, it is my
esteemed honor as King of the British Empire to proclaim you, Samuel Hedge,
a knight of the British Empire".

	Then his majesty brought the sword down, tapping me lightly on each
shoulder, then my head, saying, "And in the name of the Father, The Son,
and The Holy Ghost, I, King George V, ruler of the British Empire and all
it's relm, proclaim that from this day forward you shall be known as Sir
Samuel Hedge, Knight of the British Empire and all the relm.
	Arise...Sir Samuel Hedge!"

	All at once someone in the crowd yelled "Three cheers!!!", and as I
stood with tears in my eyes, being hugged by his majesty, everyone in
attendance stood cheered me.

	Looking towards my parents, they were hugging one another and
crying tears of joy.

	Turning about, I was mobbed by Tad, Michael and Brandon who were
also crying and hugging me. Surrounded by Michael and Brandon, no one was
able to see Tad put his arms around my neck, looking into my eyes as he
cried with sheer pride, kissing me on the lips quickly, then saying, "Lord
Sam, I'm in love with a knight!!", then wiping the wetness from his eyes on
his sleeve.

	Must be strong....., must be strong......................

	As we all composed ourselves, his majesty held up his hand, once
again silencing the crowd.

	As Mr. Smithers collected the sword and pillow, his majesty began
once again to address the crowd.

	"Ladies and Gentlemen.......there is one more matter that must be
taken care of without further haste.

	Quite a while ago,...some five years to be exact, my father the
late king Edward, God rest his soul, was in dire need of a patriot",

	Oh Lord....NO!!! Not yet your highness.............not yet!!, I
thought to myself as I awaited what was to come weather I was prepared or
not.

	Must be strong....., must be strong......................


	"A patriot, Ladies and Gentlemen, who for five years suffered
insurmountable horror and torture, at the hands of Opium smugglers and
murderers.
	A patriot, who for five years, was forced into slave labor when he
was caught spying for his majesty......."

	I shot a glance at Tad who was sitting bolt upright in his chair,
mouth open, his eyebrows furrowed, trying to comprehend what or who it was
that his majesty was talking about.
	I kept looking for a moment, perhaps the last in which I had his
total love.

	"A patriot, Ladies and Gentlemen, who for five years suffered being
seperated from his family...with them thinking he was dead".

	Dear God....Tad knew! As I looked at him, I saw the tears forming
at the corners of his eyes, slowly starting their descent down soft, rose
colored cheeks. His bottom lip begining to tremble slightly, as he threw
caution to the winds, quickly taking my hand in his and squeezing tightly
as he continued to listen to his majesty's words.

		"A patriot, Ladies and Gentlemen, who...by God's good
graces has survived and been rescued and is here with us today!

	Ladies and Gentlemen, may I introduce a true hero of the British
Empire who has served God and his king................"

	Tad...squeezing my hand tighter and tighter, his eyes a total
cascade of silent tears...........

	Must be strong....., must be strong......................

	"Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you........Mr. Edgar Winslow".

	Suddenly..applause, as Mr. Winslow seemed to come from out of
nowhere and slowly, haltingly, walked up the isle towards the stage, his
eyes focused on only one person, his son.

	"S--S--SAM!! IT'S....OH....FATHER!!!! FATHER!!!!!"

	Tad's screams were the only sound I heard, as I looked through my
tear shrouded eyes at the sight of Tad suddenly pulling his hand from mine,
bounding past his majesty, and off the stage heading directly for his
father.

	Everyone remained speechless as Tad practically flew into his
fathers waiting arms, the both of them, drowning in a long pent up deluge
of tears, kisses and hugs.

	"Oh...my God! My God Father!....I knew....I always knew that you
were still alive! I knew it...Iknew it!"

	"My son.......finally...."

	At this moment in time, it was safe to say that their wasn't a dry
eye in the house, with even his majesty succumbing to the joyfull scene.

	As everyone rose from their seats, Mr. Winslow walked slowly back
to the house carrying Tad like a small child who still had remained with
his arms wrapped tightly about his father,his eyes closed, and his head
buried against his chest.

	Without so much as another word, his majesty slowly walked off the
platform and joined father and the rest of the crowd as everyone headed
into the ballroom for refreshments and music.

	As for me, I sat there on the platform, seemingly unable to move,
my eyes fixed forever with the image of Tad being carried away from me. My
attention blankly fixed on the slowly retreating crowd of well wishers as
they filed away into the house.

	At long last my eyes had nothing to foucus on. Nothing except empty
chairs and an equally empty patio. Still...I could not move, as my mind
replayed the scene over and over again. Refusing to beleive it had finally
come to pass.

	I really didn't relish the idea of going into the house and acting
all giddy and happy. Nothing was further from the truth. I would much
rather have crawled up into a little ball and cried my eyes out, but....I
had to be strong....damn it all.......I had to be.

	Sitting there in my stupor, my eyes fixed apon nothing but memory,
I jumped when all at once I felt the warmth of two hands, one apon each
shoulder, and turning my head from left to right, realized that I wasn't
quite alone after all.

	"There now gov....I see ya' decided to come back to us eh?"

	I looked to my right and into Michaels familiar face, watched his
lips move, heard the words, but......couldn't seem to find my tongue to
answer.

	I turned to my left and there sat Brandon. His lips also moved.....

	"Sam....are you alright?  Sam please...answer us...."

	"I.....I.. suppose so...................", I stuttered in almost a
whisper.
	"He's g-g-gone, and........",I couldn't say another word because
tears started to replace the words.
	I couldn't have that...Blast...I promised myself that I'd be
strong...

	I took a slow deep breath and tried yet again.

	"Well lads....can't let all these bloody people see Sir Samuel
Hedge cry now can we? And anyway, what are you two doing here? Shouldn't
you both be in there enjoying the party and being happy? You need'nt sit
here and be gloomy with me".

	"Hey gov...err..I mean, Sir Samuel.....When my best mate's down in
the mouth, so am I, right Brand?"

	"Right sweets. We couldn't go in there with you sitting out here by
yourself. Don't forget, we love you too, and if you hurt...we
hurt. Besides, chin up old man, Tad's not gone yet....."

	Suddenly my eyes snapped up to look Brandon in the eyes with
disbelief.

	"Brandon, you saw him leave with his father, he probably....."

	"He's probably in your fathers study becoming re aquainted with his
father and being told that he's leaving you as well".

	And then it became clear to me!

	"YOU KNEW???? You...you both knew how it was going to happen?",

	"Well Gov, uhhh, y'see,...ughh"

	"Very well put sweets...."

	"Well alright mister eloquence! Suppose you have a go, eh?"

	"Sam....your father told Michael and I so that we'd both be here
for you.  He wasn't sure how you'd react at the last moment.
	Please don't be angry with us....."

	I looked at them both for a very long time, and taking both their
hands, let out a huge sigh.

	"You know.....father was right again. I'm so lucky to have the two
of you.  I could never be angry with you both. I love you too much and, now
that I need it the most,...well...your friendship is giving me the strength
I need".

	"That's the way gov...I..I mean Sir Hedge",laughed Michael.

	Come to think, we all had a good chuckle over that. It was a relief
at least to get this all done with.

	"Listen...both of you louts....I'll have none of this 'Sir Hedge"
nonsense from the two of you...please??? Just love me for being Sam, OK?"

	Instead of a verbal reply, they both put warm, comforting arms
about me and hugged the dickens out of me.

	"You know", I said turning to Michael,....."I'm so hungry I could
eat Brandons cooking!"

	"Excuse me?"

	"Well let's 'ave at it then mate. C'mon".

	"What's wrong with my cooking?"

	"Nothing..as long as you don't have to eat it Brand", laughed
Michael.

	"There's not a bloody thing wrong with.......hey wait for me...."

	With that we left the platform and made our way to the house,
me... and my two brothers.



____________________________________________________________________________





	Every thing inside at the party was cheerie enough. Everyone was
having a jolly old time of it, laughing, eating, dancing, and so forth.

	Everywhere I turned, people were slapping me on the back, shaking
my hand and congratulating me.
	It was 'Sir hedge this' and 'Sir Hedge that'.

	I had grown men, my fathers age and older referring to me as Sir,
and lavishing apon me a respect usually reserved for one, much older than
myself.
	It all seemed quite odd really. it would take a bit of getting used
to.

	Through it all, I managed to be pleasant and polite. I tried to
eat, but just couldn't get the food past my lips.
	All this time I kept looking in the direction of where the study
would be.
	Waiting.
	Wondering.

	What could they be doing in there all this time?
	My stomach turned when I realized that Tad must surely know that I
knew about all of this by now.

	Eventually, with all the goings on and all the people and such, I
felt the walls closing in on me, and I found it difficult to breathe.
	I couldn't stand it any longer. Couldn't wait......
	 I had to get out and be alone for a bit.

	Ignoring everything and everyone, I managed to slip back out to the
patio without anyone seeing me.

	As I stepped outside and closed the door, the quiet enveloped me
like a security blanket. All I could really hear was the muffled music of
the quintet that played sweet little dance tunes.

	The sun had finally gone down and the moon was just begining to
make it's ascent in a humid dusk filled sky.

	Walking to the edge of the patio and loosening my cravat, I stood
with my hands in my pockets, silently for a moment, closing my eyes and
breathing in deeply of the sweet, warm summmer night air as it began to
clean out the cobwebs.

	 I was so awfully tired. All the waiting, the worry, the angst, was
begining to wear me thin. I needed a rest. I needed some normalcy again.

	How long I remained there, my eyes closed, I don't know...an
awfully long time, when all at once, I felt the presance of another.
	A familiar presance.
	I knew that I was no longer alone.

	But...I couldn't turn about... I knew who stood just behind me, and
for the first time that I could recall...I just couldn't face him.

	I simply waited........Waited for quite a bit before.......before I
heard his sweet calm voice again.

	"You knew??..........

	Sam?.................

	Sam, look at me....you knew didn't you?", he asked, calmly,
quietly.

	Slowly I turned. Turned to be met with sweet anguished eyes. Sweet
begging eyes. Eyes needing to know the truth.

	"Sam, please answer me!", he said softly.

	"You knew he was here, didn't you?"

	"Y-Y-yes"

	"Did you also know that he was taking me away?", he said as he
began to tear and choke on these words.

	Dear God, how I wanted to take him in my arms and kiss away his
hurt and make it better. But...I couldn't...not now...not any more.

	"Yes Tad..I did".

	"Sam....why? Why did you keep it from me? Don't you love me
anymore?"

	"Of course I love you Tad. I love you more than my next
breath. That's just why I didn't tell you.
	Don't you see??".

	"No Sam, I can't see....I-I-I don't understand?", he said
sniffling, his tears now streaming a sparkling trail down his cheeks,
illuminated by the new moonlight. He was doing his best to keep from all
out crying, being so brave.

	"I don't understand...If you still love me then why do you want to
send me away?"

	"Tad...didn't your father tell you? You were in there an awfully
long time!"

	"Well...I suppose....but, but..after he said the part about going
away, I just stopped listening.

	Maybe I didn't want to hear what he said?", he said indignantly. "

	Please Sam......you tell me......I trust YOU!!
	And I need to hear it from YOU".

	"It's really quite simple Tad.......I could have put up a fuss, and
I could have told you.
	If I had told you...you never would have gone, given time to think
about it".

	"You're right....."

	"Don't interrupt.... Where was I?

	Well....In the first place,if you had stayed then that means that I
would have come between you and your father.
	Oh maybe it's alright now, but think Tad, many years from now, you
may regret not having had the chance to get your family back again, and
you'd hold it against me for stopping you.
	Don't you see that I didn't want it coming between us years from
now.  I do love you.
	And I'd like to keep on loving you. But, only with a clear mind, so
that nothing....EVER, comes between us again.

	In the second place Tad, you need your family back.
	You need to be loved, not only by me, but with the family that you
fought so hard to get back.
	It's what you fought old Whitherfudd about, right?
	You've got to get your mother well again, get to know your father
again, and be one happy family again.
	Oh Tad.....your father...he loves you so much! Just as much as my
father loves me.
	Of course, I'll always be here for you...but I want you back a
whole and happy person.
	Now....God's given you the chance to make it happen.
	Don't waste it, you little twit".

	All this while, Tad had listened to me intently, never taking his
eyes from mine.
	When I had finished speaking, there was silence...

	I opened my arms for him and the dam burst as his eyes let loose
the flood of tears he'd been holding back as he flew into my arms, burying
his face against my chest. For the longest time, I just held on to him,
letting him cry his eyes out and rocking him gently to and fro, and soon
the tears subsided.

	"Oh....Sam, my sweet sam... You've always known what to do, always
been able to point me in the right direction....
	Where? Oh..where would I be now if I hadn't found you to love me?"

	"Then....y-y-you don't h-h-h-hate me?"

	"HATE YOU???? SAM...ARE YOU BLOODY DAFT????", he shouted as he
started plastering my cheeks with hot little kisses intermixed with his
sweet words.

	"How could you think?, ( kiss-kiss-kiss ),that I, (
kiss-kiss-kiss), would ever, ( kiss-kiss-kiss ),ever, ever, ever, ever,(
kiss-kiss-kiss), hate you, ( kiss-kiss-kiss )".

	Now it was my turn to shed a few tears. But this time they were
tears of joy, not sorrow, as we stood hugging softly in the moonlit
garden. God how I would miss his arms around me........

	What a fool I'd been. I never gave Tad any credit for loving me
back, at all. How in the world could I have thought that he'd hate me?
	I never should have doubted his love for me.
	Never.

	A soft summer breeze blew past us then, carrying bits and peices of
a slow, familiar, tune from the house.

	Slowly, my body started to softly sway in time with the sweet
music, carrying my love along as we danced alone in the moonlight.
	All that while, Tad held tightly to me, and I felt as though we two
were the only ones left on the entire planet.

	I pulled my face back a bit, lifting his chin up as his eyes opened
to look up into mine.  The moon had gotten higher in the night sky and cast
a soft white glow on this face that I adored so much. The soft, loving eyes
that made my stomach flutter, those sweet warm lips that possessed me when
I kissed him and made my heart melt when he smiled at me, the soft golden
lochs of his hair that framed his face so perfectly.

	"Tad..I love you...I always will....", I said as I reach down,
first licking his lips, taking a last taste of him, then softly, slowly
pressing my lips to his kissing him for the last time.

	We broke after a long...long kiss and stood holding each other a
bit longer, when he started to fidget for something in his pocket.

	I released him and he produced a small, folded, white paper. Taking
my hand he pressed the paper into my hand and looked up at me.

	"Sam...if you say it's the right thing to do, then...I'll go now
and be with my family.
	I want you to know that whatever should happen,...I owe you mylife.

	You've saved me in more ways than a person could be saved, and for
that, Sam, I will always love you.
	As for this paper, well....I was going to give it to you anyway.
	It's a poem. A poem I wrote about you..and..please, don't read it
till after I'm...I'm gone".

	"Tad..I........"

	"Shhh, no....", he whispered, putting a finger up to my lips to
stop me from speaking.

	"Please....don't say anything more........
                        Goodbye my darling Sam....I love you".

	Tad slowly backed away from me, turned and walked slowly back
through the darkness to the patio doors.
	Opening the doors, he paused, turned to me and smiled, one last
time, and then....went through the doors...and was gone.

	I stood still, staring at the doors as if he'd come running back
through them in his usual gracful way, but.....nothing.
	I stood alone.
	Alone, and empty as I had been before he found me.

	Turning about, I stared blindly out into the garden, as the
moonlight made the foliage seem like a dreamworld in it's white glow.

	It was then that I recalled, that I still held the paper Tad had
put into my hand.

	As I unfolded the paper, the light of the moon was enough to allow
me to read the words written in his own sweet hand.


          **************************************************

	"Sometimes I wonder if you know how much I love you.
	Sometimes when you look at me, I wonder if you see
	all the love that shines in my heart for you.....

	Sometimes I wonder if you see in my smile
	the special touch of happiness that comes from loving you.

	When you look into my eyes, I feel you reaching deep within my
soul,
	and I wonder if you see all the beautiful light in me that comes
from
	your love.

	I wonder if you see my arms reaching out to hold you with
tenderness
	and warmth.

	I wonder if you see the fullness of my heart and the precious
feelings
	our love brings.

	Sometimes I want to tell you to look with your heart, and you'll
see
	that everything I have to give is only for you,
	for always".

		"I love you Sam.
				Your Tad...always".
            *****************************************************


	I must have read it ten, no...twenty times at least, before folding
it up and holding against my heart. My tears pressed at the brink of my
eyes, as I looked up at the moon.

	NO!! I would not cry....I will see him again. I know it!
	I will not cry!!! I will not!!!......I must be strong...

		Must be strong....., must be strong......................
	Must be str......................

	No damned use....................

	I didn't have to be any longer, and let loose days worth of tears
as I cried and cried...................................

		I was so tired of being strong.
	So damned tired....

	I looked up at the moon with tears streaming across every part of
my face and held up my arms as the music breezed past my ears yet again.

	"Did I do right Michael?? Did I do right??

	Did I??.......................

		Must be strong....., must be strong......................