"KENT!" I yelled at him, but he either pretended not to hear me or just didn't hear me. Mike was awake by now, and was pulling his pants up.
"What's going on?" He asked, wiping the sleep out of his eyes. "Where's Kent?"
"Kent just saw us in here, and ran off crying." I said.
"Fuck..." Mike said, putting his head down.
"What?" I asked.
"It's all my fault... It was supposed to be Kent in here tonight, that was the whole plan."
"Don't worry about it." Mike was getting up, and started to step out of the the tent.
I pulled him back in. "What `plan' are you talking about?"
He huffed lightly and spoke up. "This whole party was to get you and Kent together. Kyle was behind it."
"KYLE KNOWS?" My heart was racing. Before last night, I was the only one who knew about my feelings for Kent, I only knew about what I was. Then last night... Mike told me he knew, and my world doubled. It was enough of a shock to find out that Mike knew. Now Kyle knows? If Kyle knows... then Josh knows... shit. This is going to suck. Josh is going to kick my ass.
"Dude, calm down... it's not a biconcurredg deal that Kyle knows... believe me... he's cool with it." Mike said, trying to make me chill out.
"I'm not worried about Kyle... I am worried that Josh knows. He is going to kick my ass." I said, looking down and realizing this fact again.
"I wouldn't count on it, he cares for you more than you think. You're his brother and he loves you more than you think." Mike was being earnest... but it wasn't what I needed and I had had enough of it.
"I think you should go." I said, very plainly.
Mike looked at me, and silently concurred. He left the tent, climbed on his four wheeler and screeched away. I was alone, sitting in the tent, thinking a lot, but not thinking about anything in particular. My life had just made an abrupt turn. Never again would it be the same. I could never look at Kent, Josh or Kyle the same way again. They knew. My deepest darkest secret. I didn't know if I wanted any of them to ever see me again. Thinking about that, and I realized that I didn't really have a choice. These were the most important people in my life, and I will have to see them everyday after this. After this, I would have wear the shame on my face, and know that they saw it, and I would feel their pity every time I saw them. This choked me up quite a bit. I hadn't been crying before, but now, still almost snuggled in the warmth of the sleeping bag, I weeped silent tears, and wallowed in my self.
With tears still streaming down my face, I heard Josh and Kyle arguing outside the tent. They weren't screaming, and I didn't hear what they were arguing about, but it was strange to hear them arguing, they never argued. Finally, I heard Josh say something forceful, and he came closer to the tent. He bent down and poked his head in.
"You ok bro?" He asked.
"Yeah." I said with a sniff as I attempted to wipe the tears from my face. It wasn't an honest answer, but it's the one I felt compelled to give.
"Good, roll up your bag, and get your stuff together, we're going home to talk." Oh god... that almost brought the tears back, but I swallowed them down and complied. Josh stepped out as I began to pack my stuff together. Him and Kyle were arguing again, but I still didn't hear what it was about. I finished packing and stepped out.
I was greeted with that feeling that you weren't meant to hear what people are talking about, so when they see you, all you get is a blank look and dead silence. Whatever they were talking about wasn't any of my business, and since I had enough of my own shit to deal with, I didn't press the issue. They both stood, silently, arms folded.
"Jimmy, get in the car." I had no option but to agree, I felt as if I was at his back and call because of my situation. I walked down to his buick, put my stuff in the back seat, got in the front and closed the door. Josh didn't follow me right away. I watched from the side mirror, and he and Kyle continued arguing. Soon enough they were both yelling, arms flailing around. I could hear their screams, but nothing in them made sense. Josh said something that sounded final and walked to the car. Kyle stayed there, looking at the ground.
Josh climbed in the driver's side and started the car with anger. He was seething. We didn't talk at first, he seemed to be trying to clam himself down, still very upset over what had gone on between Kyle and him. A few miles before our house, as I sat in complacent silence, he spoke up.
"See... what happens when you think you know someone... they turn out to be something you didn't even now existed in your world. Be very careful about who you trust... with your secrets and with your family." He looked and at, and looked back at the road, shaking his head. That didn't explain anything to me, and I didn't pry, because I was still waiting for what we were going to talk about. The rest of the ride home was just like the first part, Josh seething, but calming down a little, and me wondering nervously about what was going to happen when we got home.
When we did get home, it was to an empty house. Mom and Dad had left a note that they were out shopping for the day... not something unusual for a Saturday morning. As we walked out of the garage, Josh spoke with as little inflection as humanly possible. "Put your stuff away in your room, I'll be up there in a few." Oh god... here it comes. He stayed in the living room pacing back and forth and I went up stairs to my room. I didn't put my stuff away, I just plopped it down and sat on my bed, like a man on death row waiting for his execution.
Although it was probably only a few minutes, it seemed like an eternity. Scenarios of possible situations swirled around in my head, and I became dazed and didn't even hear Josh climb the stairs. I saw him as he appeared in my room, slowly, and carefully, not quite looking my in the eye. There was that pity look I was expecting to get for a while. He sat down on my bed, and looked down, and seemed to be searching for the right words.
He looked up. "Jimmy, this is hard for me, but first let me explain a few things... First off, you are my brother and I love you no matter what, and remember that ok?"
"Alright... some things happened, or were intended to happened last night that I wasn't aware of at all. I was completely in the dark, and had no input on whatever was planned or whatever. Chances are, you know what I am talking about. Now, you also know who did plan whatever that party was supposed to be. Kyle... was my best friend and I still don't know if that has changed since last night, but regardless of that, I want you to know that I don't want you to be pressured into anything. Whatever you choose your path in life to be, let it be your choice, and not another person's. Remember that life is long, and decisions that we make echo in the rest of our life, and I want only what is right for you. I love you brother... don't ever forget that." He leaned over, and gave me a warm and tight hug. "That's all." He got up and shut my door on the way out.
I fell back onto my bed stunned. That was nothing like what I thought it would be. Apparently there was much more going on here than I knew about, but that didn't bother me at all. Josh had reaffirmed my trust in him, something that had been waning in the recent months. Although not easy for him to express any emotion other than anger or frustration, I knew that what he did, as impersonal and as formal as it was, I knew it was done in love. I closed my eyes, and drifted off...
I was awakened by some more screaming. This time however, I could hear exactly what was being said.
"I think maybe you should get the fuck out." I was Josh screaming in the hallway that separated our rooms.
"You know what you are Josh? You are just an ass hole. Nothing more, just a piece of shit who doesn't give a shit about anything." That was Kyle, screaming right back.
"Fuck you Kyle, get the fuck out you goddamn..." he paused.
"Say it! Just say it! It's on your fucking tongue and I know it. I know how you really feel now. All the years you fooled me, but now the truth shines like daylight. Fuck you. I am gone." Kyle stormed down the stairs and I heard him leave rather loudly.
I got up and walked to the door, opened it just enough to see Josh, standing in the hallway face in his hand bawling uncontrollably. He looked up, cheeks puffy and eyes red from crying. He saw me and stopped, as if finally realizing something.
"What the fuck did I do?" He asked aloud. He looked completely destroyed. He slumped down and simply sat against the wall in our hallway. I ran over to him and embraced him tightly. He sat sobbing, a broken man, a child still whose most perfect thing had just shattered. We sat in a tight embrace forever, him working things out in his mind and me silently giving his support. He calmed down, and began to regain his composure slightly. Soon, the tears dried up and he made a resolve.
"I have to fix this... I can't let this stay broken. Not for one more minute." He said, getting up. I stood up with him. He gave me a big hug. "Thanks bro."
"Are you going to Kent and Kyle's?" I asked.
"Yes." He said...
"I want to go... I need to see Kent." I said.
"Are you sure?" He said, reminding me of our earlier conversation.
"Alright then, get in the car, I am going to make a phone call first." I went down the the garage while he went into the kitchen to make the call. I got in the passenger seat, and soon Josh stepped into the garage with some bounce in his step. He climbed in and soon we were racing down the road. Silent again during the trip, but this one didn't seem nearly as long as the ride home. Soon we wheeled into their driveway.
Josh raced out of the car and ran to the door. I followed a bit slower. Kent opened the door and after few words, Josh ran past him into the house. Apparently not noticing me... Kent went to close the door, but I told him to wait as I raced to the door. The first time I had seen him since I found out... We stood awkwardly for a second, and then he motioned me in...
I didn't know what to think. The night before had left me a blurry, hung over mess. I dreamed sweet dreams of Jimmy and I... They were intense dreams full of whispers and thrusting. I woke sluggishly to find that I wasn't with Jimmy... I was in my bed, alone with a trash can smelling quite awful next to me. Kyle and Josh showed up a few moments later, they got me all cleaned up and took me to the pond.
The explorer that had hit Greg's van was the only car left there overnight. It looked like a crushed can. Every window was busted out, and there wasn't a square inch of it that didn't look like it had been belted by baseball bat. It was completely and utterly destroyed. We all looked at it for a bit, and then Josh and Kyle got out some trash bags.
While they picked up empty cups, I walked to the other side of the pond to the tent I had helped set up the night before. I saw Mike's four wheeler, but I didn't think about it too much. I unzipped the tent, and peeked inside in time to see Jimmy pulling his pants up, and wiping the sleep from his eyes. Looking beside him, I saw Mike... sleeping peacefully with his shorts down below his ankles, although his privates were covered up by a sleeping bag.
It hit me pretty hard... when I realized what happened. I looked Jimmy right in the face and it felt like I got slammed by a train. I had to go, I had to get away to think about some stuff. I turned and ran away. Jimmy called after me, but I didn't want to hear it. I ran down to where Kyle and Josh were, and Kyle stopped me.
"What's wrong Kent?" He asked, sensing that something was wrong.
"I don't want to talk about it, I need to be alone." I said, going past him and onto a trail into some trees. I had to go to my spot. The spot that nobody else knew about where I could think and try to clear my head.
It's a really thick section of trees deep into a patch of forest on our land. There wasn't a trail to it, but I knew how to get there. Mostly just a camouflage tarp and a few things like a wind up radio and a sleeping bag, it was my refuge. When I needed to get away from anything, I went to my place. Kyle didn't even know about it... and if he did, he didn't let on.
I squeezed through the small opening and slid under the tarp and layed down on the sleeping bag. I stretched out and closed my eyes.
Since I first met Jimmy, though Kyle of course, I was attracted to him. He was all that I wanted and more. His slim figure, brown hair and blue eyes enthralled me with every look, gesture that he made. Since we were both in different middle schools, we didn't see each other very often, but when we did, it was like heaven for me. When we went on the trip to the cabin together, it was a dream come true for me. I still can't believe that we did what we did that night. I was sure it was an isolated incident, and I never let on that it had been my jack off fantasy since. After that, and we started going to school together, I completely fell for Jimmy. Head over heels butterfly in the stomach love is what I felt. I was elated that we got to spend that much time together. Every day that I spent time with him was just stacking another brick, another time of pure bliss looking at him... watching him, being with him.
Kyle noticed it, I talked about Jimmy all the time when we weren't together and Kyle asked me about it. I was struck down... I had gotten a first taste of what it would feel like if someone else knew. I went into a funk, not talking about Jimmy, or anything for that matter. The only time I could be me, was when I spent time with Jimmy, he was the sun shining into the darkness of my life. Kyle noticed my glumness too, and he confronted me about it.
I was in my room, pretending to do homework, really I was thinking about Jimmy. Kyle walked in, and shut the door behind him. "We need to talk." He said, plopping down next to me on my bed.
"About what?" I asked.
"About you." He said. Where was this going?
"What about me?" I asked, scared.
"I think we both know. You have been in this funk, you won't talk to me anymore, and anytime bring up a certain someone, you clam up like you don't even know him." I was scared for real now. He was on to me. "But, I am here to help."
"What do you mean?" I was playing dumb.
"You know what I mean, and I think we should get this out in the open, so I am going to ask you something, and I want you to be honest with me."
"OK." I swallowed hard.
"Kent... are you gay?" My face kept it's blankness and I looked very deeply into Kyle's eyes. Looking for some future reaction. Was he going to be cool about it? Or was he going to tell the world. "Come on man... I am you brother," He grabbed my shoulder, "you can tell me." I felt the honesty and sincerity he was trying to radiate.
"...yes... I think I am." I said, softly, barely above a whisper. I was completely vulnerable then, he could have smacked me down and broken me in two right then. But he didn't...
"I thought so..." He said.
"Is that OK?" I asked... feeling like an idiot afterwards.
"What do you mean? Of it's OK, it's who you are. Don't worry man, I am cool with it. Believe me." I did. "So, now we have to find out about Jimmy."
"Huh?" Jimmy? What does he know about Jimmy?
"We need to see if you guys can hook up."
I was deadpanned. He knew. He knew, and he did care. Not only that, but he wanted to help.
"Come on man, can we get past the initial shock of this? You were never exactly subtle about what you are. I want to help. Do you want help?"
"Does Josh know?" Josh would be pure hell if he found out.
"Don't worry about Josh, there's stuff about him you never see. Now... we have to hook you and Jimmy up."
And that's how it started. We talked for a long time, and decided that a party, a camping/sleep over party would be the best. We planned everything, and it was all worked out as to how Jimmy and I would hook up. Only two variables remained. Whether or not I would have the courage to tell him, and what his reaction would be. I hope it would turn out, and it was on my mind constantly.
That's where Mike came in. Mike and I have been friends for as long as we could talk, even though he was a year younger than me we had a lot in common. He was attractive too, and I had a crush on him for a long time, but it wasn't like what I felt for Jimmy. Mike and I discovered masturbation together and had shared sexual experiences too, but it was a release, and not love making. We wanted to get ourselves off, and that was all there was to it. When it came to Jimmy, I wanted more than that. I wanted to have reciprocation, giving and receiving like people do when the're... in love. That is what I wanted.
Mike and I were fishing on one of my ponds, like we often do, but Mike noticed that I was preoccupied. He pried, and I ended up telling him everything. He was cool with it, as I expected. We never had a relationship where he would be jealous.
I stopped thinking about it and just laid back... thinking about it had tensed me up, I relaxed my muscles and opened my eyes. The warmth of the sun was streaming through small holes in the camouflage tarp that protected my haven. I had stopped crying, but the residue of that emotional outburst still lingered. Sitting up, I shook my head to clear some cobwebs out of it.
My little carthetic escape had served it's purpose, and I was ready to deal with the world once again. I got up and left my sanctuary and walked over to the pond where we had the party last night. It was empty, the explorer had been towed away, cups all picked up and the tent I help set up last night had been quietly taken down and put away. Nobody was there.
I hope they knew better than to look for me, and hopefully they were all gone somewhere, so I headed home. It wasn't a long walk back to my house, and I was there soon enough. Kyle's Blazer was in the garage, and that was it. Stepping in the back door and entering the kitchen, I saw a note left by my mom that said my parents were out shopping for the day and wouldn't be back till late. Moving from the kitchen into the den, I saw Kyle, slumped down in our overstuffed couch. It wasn't till I got closer that I noticed that he too had been crying. I sat down in the chair opposite the couch, he didn't even seem to notice that I was there.
"What's wrong Kyle?" I asked. He looked like he was ready to burst into sobs at anytime when he looked up at me.
"I don't want to talk about it. Give me some space." He said, and then put his head back down. That wasn't like Kyle at all. I was expecting him to ask me where I went, and how I was feeling. Something must have really been bothering him.
I got up to walk to my room, but the phone rang. I picked it up. "Hello?"
"Is Kyle there?" It sounded like Josh.
Kyle lifted his head. "Is that Josh?"
I nodded my head. Kyle got up, and stood right next to me and yelled... "You tell that piece of SHIT that I NEVER want to speak to him EVER AGAIN!". With that, he stormed off upstairs to him room.
I put then phone to my ear again. "Kent, you still there?"
"I am coming over..."
"I don't think that's a good idea." I said.
I hung up the phone and sat down. What the hell could be going on? Josh and Kyle have been best friends forever. They met like Kent and I did, it high school, and have been best friends ever since. There were times when they had disagreements, but never anything like this. They always pulled through, but now it seemed that there was something else between them. Something under the surface that I didn't see, or wasn't supposed to see. Whatever this is, it was tearing them apart.
The doorbell rang, and I got up to answer it. It was Josh.
"Is Kyle in his room?" He asked.
"Don't worry, I'll handle it." Josh said as he sped towards the steps. I went to close the door but someone's voice told me to `wait'. It was Jimmy. He ran from the car up to me.
It was awkward, him standing there in my doorway, but I opened the door all the way and motioned for him to sit on the couch. I sat down next to me. Josh had always said that every time there is an awkward silence, a woman is born. I bet 100 were born before Jimmy spoke up.
"Kent... are you mad at me?" He said.
"No... I'm not mad at you, or Mike either." I said.
"I though after you left that you hated me for what I did..."
That sentence startled me. He thought I hated him. I could never hate him, I loved him.
"I was angry at the time... but I was angry at me, for doing what I did."
"That's a relief..." He said over the sounds of Josh and Kyle screaming at each other upstairs.
"Why is that a relief?" I asked.
"Because there is something I have to tell you... that I couldn't tell you if you hated me, or were angry at me."
He swallowed hard, gulping down whatever kept him from saying what was on his mind. "I love you Kent." After he spoke he looked at me for a response, something to give him an idea of where I stand on that. I gave him the best response I could. I scooted closer to him, our faces nearly touching.
I whispered "I love you too." and I kissed him. Our lips locked tightly in a passionate embrace, feeling each other, getting to know each other for the first time without the frippery of our past facade. He wrapped his arms around me and we hugged and kissed forever.
The screaming had stopped by this time, whether that was good or bad we had yet to find out. But it wasn't on our priority list at the time. We were enveloped in each other, the world had stopped existing except for Jimmy and I.
We didn't hear Josh and Kyle come down the steps, arms over each others shoulders. We didn't see them stop, and gaze at us, not we would have cared if they had seen us. We didn't hear Kyle whisper to Josh "See? It all worked out anyway."
What we did see, was a future together. However rocky the path might be, I think we were up for it. With Jimmy, I had all I need, and everything else in life would just be accessories.
I don't know if this is the end or not for Jimmy and Kent. It is up to YOU, let me know if this is a good ending, a good place to stop, or if you want more. firstname.lastname@example.org/ Feedback is appreciated very much. Many thanks to those who have emailed me already. This story and all my others are availible @ stews-home.net/cemokemo Mad thanks and OXOXOXOXOXO to Stew for hosting my stories and being such a super guy.