And I don't want the world to see me
Cuz I dont think that they'd understand
Well everythings made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am.

From "Iris" By The Goo Goo Dolls.

I woke up from a good nights sleep to my alarm clock flashing 11:00. It was nearly September which meant it was nearly my birthday but also nearly school time again. I would be 14 in a few days and I was kinda looking forward to it although I had never had a particularly good birthday I had a feeling this year would be different.

Last year was probably my worst birthday. I had woken up to my Mam passed out on the kitchen table covered in vomit and glass from a broken vodka bottle. Chris woke up later and made me clean it up and then bet the crap out of me after he stepped on a shard of glass that I hadn't seen. I was left alone in my room with a huge bruise on my cheek and then had to comfort my mother as she cried her apologies for forgetting my birthday in between drunken rants. But so much had changed in the last few weeks and I wasn't sure if I should get my hopes up only to be let down once again, anyways my birthday was 2 days away and I had things to do and people to see before then specifically Ryan.

I had spent nearly everyday for the last week with Ryan we talked and watched tv and skated and of course fooled around. Just as I was getting ready to head out the doorbell rang and I opened the door to Ryan and Carrie. Ryan looked pale and Carrie was tapping nervously at her bag.

"Whats wrong people" I laughed Carrie walked straight ahead of me and into my room and Ryan followed her grabbing me.

Carrie took a deep breath "Em Riley, I fucked up babe, my Dad had a big conversation with me a few days ago about how you had come over stoned and told him everything."

"Yeah so?" I replied.

"Well I thought he meant you had told him everything" she sighed "So I replied like well its ok cuz Ryans a great guy and they really like each other and my dad was like "Who's Ryan?" and I really don't know how I didn't guess that he didn't know but I kinda replied Ryan's Riley's boyfriend."

I sat down on the bed in shock. "You outted me to your Dad!!" my head was spinning what if he told Mike or even worse my Mam. I looked over at Ryan he was still pale and looked like he wanted to throw up.

Carrie spent the next 20 minutes apologizing but I couldn't reply I had so much crap running through my head.

Ryan was the first to speak "Dude what do you wanna do?" I couldn't think, I wasn't ready for my Mam to know yet.

"I can't tell my Mam. I just can't."

Carrie looked up "My Dad swore to me that he wouldn't tell anyone but I felt like I had to tell you he knew."

I calmed down instantly. I went to the bathroom and had a quick smoke while Ryan and Carrie were talking. I was still planning on quitting but now wasnt a good time.

When I came back in Ryan gave me a pissed off look "I can smell the smoke dude."

I took a deep breath before replying cuz I was pissed off big time.

"Look man its my fuckin life I'll do what I want k?"

Ryan got up and walked into the kitchen and motioned for me to follow him. I trodded after him still kinda pissed off. When I got into the kitchen Ryan had tears in his eyes.

"Man whats goin on with us? I feel like you dont even like me anymore."

He had this way of just making me want him there and then. His honesty and innocence and maybe even the sense of pity I had for him at that moment made me want him really bad. I walked up and kissed him slowly on the lips gradually adding a little tongue.

"You guys are too cute" I looked over to see Carrie standing in the doorway watching us "and probably too horny so Im gonna go leave you two alone" Carrie left and as I heard the front door shut I pounced on Ryan.

I pushed him up against the kitchen table ripping off his shirt. I kissed him on the lips and moved down his neck and chest till I reached his nipples which I licked till they hardened like little bullets. I lay him back onto the table as I kissed my way down his smooth rippled abs. He moaned as I licked his outy bellybutton but I knew what he was waiting for. As I undid his belt and unbuttoned his pants a smile flashed across his tanned face. He was wearing cool quiksilver boxers and I pulled them down with my teeth before licking at Ryan's cockhead. He squirmed with pleasure his back arching and emphasizing his smooth muscular abs. I licked away sliding my mouth down to his shaft with little swirls of my tongue for added pleasure after a couple of minutes Ryan's hips jolted and he shot his load into my mouth. I could taste the smoothness of his cum before I spat it into the kitchen sink. Ryan was cleaning himself up as I had a drink of water.

"I still think we need to talk about us" he said with a pleading look in his eyes.

I sat down at the table "Come on then lets talk".

Ryan smiled weakly " I don't know whats going on with you half the time Riley. I don't like that you smoke and the drugs and everything else just isnt cool."

I thought about what he had just said " Ok Ry, I'll quit but this time I'll really quit I swear." Ryan seemed pleased but didnt look too certain if I would quit.

As we were sitting there I heard the front door handle and Ryan grabbed his shirt quickly shoving it on.

"Hey Ryan, Hey Baby" my Mam called followed by Mike's "Hey Guys". My mam invited Ryan to stay for dinner and we ordered in pizza and a movie. We had a cool time and Mike even dropped Ryan home on his bike. While Mike was dropping Ryan home me and my Mam sat down with a cup of coffee.

"It's nice that you have friends over to the house Baby." my Mam said smiling. "Em me and Mike were talking about our future today and we all need to have a conversation when he gets back." she said nervously as she lit a cigarette.

When Mike got back we all sat down together. "Baby me and Mike think that we should move in together." she said resting her hand on Mike's knee.

"Right" I replied

"Now I know this will mean changes for you but we feel Mike's house would be better then this one for us all to live in."

"Ok then" I shot back walking out.

They had only been going out a couple of weeks and now they were moving in together what the fuck was that about. My Mam followed me as I slammed the door into my room.

"Come on Riley. This will be good for us as a family. Me and Mike are gonna give things a real go. I want you to have a family and a Dad thats worth a damn."

I couldn't believe what she was saying Mike was cool but he wasn't my Dad and never would be. NEVER. It was times like these that I wish I knew my real Dad. I had always convinced myself that I didn't need him and that I didn't care that I'd never met him but that was far from the truth.