Tales from another broken home.

Chapter 35: Oh Therapy can you please fill the void.

Oh therapy can you please fill the void?
Am I retarded or am I just overjoyed?
Nobody's perfect and I stand accused,
For the lack of a better word, and that's my best excuse.

From "Jesus of Suburbia" By Greenday.

I walked through the familiar door and was greeted by the same stark white walls as before. I took my usual seat in the corner of the room and got the same old smile from the receptionist. Jimmy walked out of his office the usual mixed expression of happiness and concern.

"Hey Riley, go ahead into my office."

I walked in and made myself comfortable on the couch.

"Ok let's begin." Jimmy smiled flicking on the tape recorder.

"So Riley what's been going on in your life?"

"Well loads actually."

"Such as?"

"I joined a band, I started an Art class and Mike caught me and Ryan having sex."

"Oh."

"First two good...what about the third one?"

"Em well he walked in on us cuz we were a little drunk and forgot to lock the door."

"What did he see?"

"Ryan was on top of me and we were kissing."

"What was his reaction?"

"He came in and said it was ok and told us this sad story about his brother and then said to be safe and left."

"Right. What happened to his brother."

"Mike walked in on him and another dude. He thought Mike hated him and would tell their parents so he kinda hung himself."

"Oh and how did you react to this story."

"Well he got teary so I just kinda rubbed his shoulder."

"How did you feel when he caught you?"

"Well at first I felt like I was gonna puke ya know. But after avoiding him all day he came up to my room and we had a talk and everything was ok after that."

"So does your Mam know?"

"No. He says it's up to me when I tell her."

"Ok and do you think you'll ever tell her?"

"I'd like too but I can't even think about how I'd say it or do it or how she'd react."

"Do you not think she'd love you either way?"

"Yeah I know she would but I just can't go up and tell her."

"Well maybe just write a letter."

"I'll think about it."

"So what's the band like?"

"Oh it's really cool I play guitar and sing a little."

"Cool. It's good to find something to be passionate about."

"Yep I get along with the other guys so great too."

"Good. How's Ryan doing lately?"

"He's good he still misses his Dad obviously but he's taken up drums and his Mam's become really easy going and cool."

"Well it's good she's loosened up on him."

"Yep. He even showed her his tattoo."

"Well I still think the tattoo thing isn't a good idea at your age."

We talked about feelings and emotions and other random shizzle for another half hour before I got to leave.I listened to music all the way home while Mam and Mike chatted in the front seat. When we got home I went upstairs and started on my homework. Within an hour I was finished and there was a blank sheet of paper in front of me. I began to write.

"Mam.

I couldn't say this to your face. I don't know why. So I put it in a letter for you. I can't go on living a lie. I feel like I'm misleading you. I've been involved in a relationship with Ryan for the last few months now and I know for certain that I'm gay. I know this isn't just a phase. I hope you can deal with this. I don't think I could cope to well without your support. I love you.

Riley."

I folded the letter up and put it in my desk drawer. I wasn't sure if it would ever be read by her but I wanted it there just in case. I went downstairs watched t.v then curled up in bed for a good nights sleep.

I was greeted at the school gates Tuesday morning by Aaron.

"Hey dude guess what?"

"What man?"

"There's a battle of the Bands in The BackHouse."

"Cool."

"And the prize is some studio time."

"Woah!"

"I entered us. We're practicing every night this week. It's on Saturday so hopefully we'll blow the competition away."

"Ok cool. I'll be there tonight."

I spent the day thinking about recording in a real studio. When I got home I talked my Mothers ear off about it.

"Ok honey calm down I'm sure you guys will win."

"Well there's loads of good bands round here Mam."

"Well I'll be in the crowd to support you."

"No Mam nobody elses parents will be there."

"I'll ring Aaron's Mam and Dad I'm sure they're going."

"Em Aaron has two Dads Mam."

"Oh really. Well I'm sure they'll both be there."

"No way Mam they're way too cool to try and crash a kids concert."

"Well I'm gonna call over there with you tonight and talk about it with them."

"Mam if you do."

"What you gonna do about it kiddo." She laughed.

"Maaaaaaaaaam."

"Come on eat your dinner and I'll give you a lift over there."

I tried to eat slowly but the Lasagne was so good I ended up devouring it.

"Ok let's go."

A minute later we pulled into Aaron's drive.

"Mam don't embarrass me."

"Like I could ever do that."

I went round back and into the garage.

"Em Aaron my Mam wants to talk to your Dad's she's at the front door."

"Oh ok cool."

A few minutes later Aaron reappeared.

"Ok let's practice."

We practiced for two hours straight and my finger tips were red and sore. My throat was scratchy and Aaron looked like he was about to collapse. I couldn't help but look at his sweaty body as he mopped himself with a towel.

"God ok that's enough for today I think."

We all cleared up and Adam and Jay Jay left. Me and Aaron went into the kitchen and I was surprised to see my Mam was still there.

"Mam what are you still doing here?"

She was sitting at the kitchen table with both Andrew and Steve and a couple of empty beer cans. I was about to freak when I realised she was only drinking coffee.

"You know us parents once we start talking we don't stop." Andrew laughed.

"Ugh Dad please stop your embarrassing yourself." Aaron moaned.

"You see this Alex. Kids today always complaining." Steve smiled.

"We're all going to go see you guys play on Saturday." My Mam beamed.

"Mam do you have too." I moaned.

"You guys aren't coming. I forbid it." Aaron said puffing out his chest.

"Well then I forbid your allowance and T.V."

"What?!"

"You heard me lil'dude. I really wanna see you play. You never let us go to these concerts."

"Yeah cuz there for kids."

"Well just this once we wanna go."

"Fine but stay in the back and don't do anything OLD."

All the parents started laughing.

"Guess I can't wear my Afro wig then."

"Damn and I had a whole John Travolta costume ready."

"I'm serious guys." Aaron pleaded.

"Ok kiddo ok."