Imagine what it would be like if you could revisit your own childhood. To see yourself again as a child. It's a fascinating thought. Would you just watch as a bystander? Or would you try to intervene?
This story is pure fiction. None of the characters or places is real. This story contains sexual situations between boys. If you are offended by this type of content don't read it. I am not the actor Elijah Wood. If you think I am then you need help. I am only a fan. Please enjoy the story. If you have any comments please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org my ICQ # is 40972449.
Chapter 1 -- The Dream
Mat Goldsten lay paralyzed on a cold table in a dark, cold room, odorless except for the faint smell of urine and something like rubbing alcohol. Someone or something was in the room with him, over him... caressing him. He could see no one but felt a warm hand cupping his penis and scrotum, caressing. He was paralyzed with fear, humiliation and pleasure. He did not know who it was that held him so completely captive and was frightened beyond mortal fear of finding out. He figured it was the hand of an adult, as it was much larger than his own. It was an amazingly knowing hand, pressing and releasing, squeezing and pulling him to unbelievable heights of ecstasy. Yet he feared knowledge of the hand's owner. As his immanent orgasm neared, fear, shame and pleasure became so entwined that they became one incredibly powerful aphrodisiac. Mat climaxed in this strange, dark place. His entire body tensed and rigid, his teeth clenched, a squeal escaping him.
He forced his eyes open and focused on the ceiling. As his eyes adjusted to the dim light he recognized the rest of the room as his own. The dream again.
It was the third time this week the same disturbing dream had occurred. It was happening more often. Each time he had the dream he woke up physically drained. He also woke up wet. He had stopped wetting his bed when he was eight years old and hadn't done it for three years. Not until the dream started.
Mat got up slowly, pulling the damp sheets away and sitting up. He stood up on shaky legs and walked over to the full-length mirror mounted on his bedroom door. He stood before the mirror and disrobed, throwing his wet pajamas on the bed. He looked over his nude body, taking inventory to make sure that everything survived the dream intact. At eleven years old, Mat was a very handsome boy. His medium-length brown hair tumbled over his forehead slightly obscuring his stunning blue eyes. Those eyes had a way of grabbing your attention and pulling you in. He wasn't a husky boy, but he wasn't skinny either. His torso tapered slightly from the shoulders down to his hips. His tummy slightly narrower than the rest. His penis, in its current placid state, protruded about an inch and a half over a tight, hairless scrotum. His family roots were Jewish and he was circumcised beautifully. His legs were smooth and lightly muscled.
Satisfied that everything was where it belonged, Mat gathered up his wet sheets and pajamas and stashed them in his closet. He would wash them after school, before his mom got home from work..
He wrapped a towel around his waist and went to the bathroom and took a shower. As the hot water woke his sleepy body the dream began to fade away. By the time he was dressed and out the door heading for school, the dream was nearly forgotten. The sun was out and the morning was beginning to warm already. It would be another fine Southern California day and Mat was ready for it... or so he thought.
Chapter 2 -- The Voice
Mat looked forward to third period math. Not because his math teacher, Mr. Fountino was cool. Not because he was finally getting the hang of multiplying compound fractions, but because it was the only class he shared with Kyle Evans, the school hotshot. Kyle was charismatic and good-looking. His long blond hair, green eyes and dimpled smile attracted the attention of all the girls of Hawthorn Middle School. Even the teachers treated Kyle differently. He was always chosen for leadership roles. The boys were jealous and couldn't stand him, but they followed him, as all good little followers will. His charisma demanded it.
Mat on the other hand was a shy boy and somewhat of an outsider. He kept his feelings to himself, and that was a good thing. If any of the kids at his school knew how he felt about Kyle he would be sure to die.
Mat was infatuated with Kyle Evans. He was as in love as any eleven-year-old boy could be. He was deeply ashamed of his feelings for Kyle but was powerless to change them. He would come to third period math, drink up Kyle's presence, taking mental snapshots of the popular boy then go home and masturbate while they were still fresh in his mind. It was not very satisfying but he knew it would just have to do.
Today, no different than any other day, Mat sat at his desk stealing glimpses of Kyle while listening to the comforting drone of Mr. Fountain's math lesson with one ear. He was lulled into a semi-doze and was soon experiencing some of the sensations from his recurring dream. The knowing hand caressing him intertwined with images of Kyle's beautiful face, when a voice entered his head. Though the words were spoken softly, the voice filled his head like a theater speaker system. It was the voice of a man he had never heard before yet it sounded strangely familiar. It said, "He's just like you, Mat".
That shocked Mat fully awake. His eyes snapped open and he quickly sat up at his desk. He looked around to see where the voice had come from and only saw his classmates, none of whom seemed distracted from the ongoing lecture. Most looked bored.
He settled back down into his desk and tried to focus on the math lesson as the words continued to echo in his head. He's just like you, Mat. He looked down at his jeans and notices a small wet spot on the crotch. He also noticed that he had an erection.
He's just like you, Mat. Just like you. Just like you. Just like you.
Chapter 3 -- An Experiment
He's just like you, Mat.
Mat somehow managed to keep his composure through the rest of the school day. It wasn't easy. The voice had frightened him badly. Not that the voice itself was menacing, just the reality of it. The fact that it seemed to come from everywhere yet was only in his mind made him feel sick, like he was going crazy or something. As for the message, he came to the conclusion that it must have been about Kyle Evans. But Kyle and he were worlds apart. They were nothing alike. What could they possibly have in common? These questions and fears possessed his mind all day.
When School finally let out Mat went straight home, oblivious to the beautiful early summer day around him. When he got home he went straight to his room and gathered last night's pajamas and sheets. He quickly took them to the small laundry room off the kitchen and tossed them into the washer. If this problem continued he would have to take some of his savings and buy nighttime protection. He didn't like the idea of spending his money on diapers but he liked the idea of his mother finding out even less. He poured a cup of detergent into the washer, closed the lid and started the machine. It was just past three-thirty and his mom wouldn't get home until around six o'clock. That would give him plenty off time.
Mat went back into his room and fired up his computer. It was an older 486 but it had Internet access and it was just fine as far as he was concerned. Ricky Martin, Mat's favorite pop star, appeared on the screen. It was a wallpaper program that came with his CD. He double clicked the AOL icon just below Ricky's left eye and waited for the familiar beeping and connection noises. Once he was online he went to search and entered "dreams". He chose a link on dream interpretation and watched impatiently as the web site slowly unfurled before him. He read that voice messages were usually signals from your own subconscious, brought on by some anxiety. It sounded like crap to Mat. He went on to recurring dreams. Not a lot of help there either. More crap about anxiety and subconscious imagery. Damn! He wasn't anxious about anything until the dream came along. He backed out of the site, checked his email (empty) and turned off the computer.
He went back to the laundry room. The washer had finished its job and now it was the dryer's turn. He loaded it up and went back to his room.
He lay down on the bed and closed his eyes, trying to recreate the dream in his mind. The dark room. The hand, an adult's hand. The mixed feelings. Something was different about the dream in the class today. Not the obvious things, the voice and Kyle's face. Something more subtle. The feelings of shame and fear were less present. And the hand, it was smaller, he was sure of it.
Mat cleared his mind and concentrated on relaxing. Random images flooded in one at a time. He rejected each one until he was lying on the cold table once again. He could hear a rhythmic tone pulsing quietly near him. A warm hand settled on his forehead and ran through his hair, then was gone. A voice, the same one he heard in class today gently whispered in his ear, "Go to him". It seemed again to be coming from everywhere and from nowhere. Then he felt the hand on his groin again. It was definitely a smaller hand, like that off a child or a small woman. Suddenly the monotonous pulsing tone stopped. The silence was deafening and somehow final. Mat snapped awake.
Back in his own room again, Mat took inventory of himself. He woke up dry this time. He looked at the clock over his dresser and was shocked to find that it was already a quarter of six. Hi mom would be home soon and he hadn't even made his bed, let alone done any of his chores.
He jumped out of bed and ran into the laundry room. The dryer was off. He pulled out the cooling laundry and ran back into his room. He made the bed sloppily and moved on to the kitchen. He would have to be quick. He pulled the full liner out of the trashcan next to the sink and set it aside. Just then the phone rang. It was his mother. Her and some friends at work were going out tonight and she wouldn't be home until at least eleven o'clock. He would have to make dinner for himself and clean up afterwards. He told her he would be fine. Not to worry. They hung up and he finished his chores, relieved.
Chapter 4 -- The Friendship
Shortly after finishing his chores Mat was riding his bike down Avocado Street toward Mapleview Avenue where Kyle Evans lived. Ever since waking from his little nap this evening Mat felt a strong impulse, a need, to go to Kyle. He wasn't quite sure what he would do when he found him, if he found him. Mat was a little young to understand the words premonition and fate, but he understood that someone or something was pushing him in the direction of Kyle and he fully intended to follow up.
Mat turned right onto Mapleview Avenue and slowly let his bike coast to a stop. Three houses down Kyle sat on the curb with his head down and his hands locked around his knees. Mat could see Kyle's chest hitching and heaving. He was crying. Mat got off of his bike and walked it over to where Kyle sat. He wasn't sure how to approach Kyle. Here was the boy Mat had only dreamed about actually having the courage to talk to, the most popular boy in the sixth grade, alone and crying. Finally Mat took a deep breath and said, "Are you alright, dude?" Kyle, not knowing Mat was there jumped.
"Huh!" Kyle yelped as he looked up at Mat, trying to focus his tear-blurred eyes. Mat was shocked the boy's poor face. Kyle's eyes were swollen from crying and there was an angry red welt on the right side of his face in the shape of a hand... a large hand. Kyle's eyes focused and he recognized who stood over him. It was Mat Goldsten, the quiet kid he'd seen around school but had never spoken too.
"What... what are you doing here?" Kyle asked, wiping his eyes with the palms of his hands. "Just riding around" Mat replied, then asked again, "Are you alright?" Kyle nodded. "I'll be alright when the asshole leaves", cocking his thumb at the house behind him. Mat looked at the small, run down house with it's chipping paint and the dying yellow patch of front lawn and tried to imagine how Kyle lived. Mat's mother didn't make a lot of money as a nurse but she did well enough to rent a nice little two bedroom house that the two of them kept in reasonably good order.
"You mean your dad?' Mat asked. Kyle looked down and nodded. Softly Mat asked, "Why did he hit you?" Hearing the genuine concern in Mat's voice brought fresh tears welling in Kyle's eyes. All he could manage was a shrug.
Anger and sorrow flooded Mat in a powerful surge, moving him almost to the point of his own tears. What kind of a monster would actually strike and mark such a beautiful face, he thought.
At that moment the front door of the house slammed open, making both boys jump. Kyle's father stepped out onto the porch. He was a thin-armed, balding man with a beer gut that grotesquely stretched the stained fabric of his tank-top shirt. His eyes were mean and bloodshot with years of drinking too much cheap beer.
"I'm going over to Susan's house for the night" he croaked at Kyle. "I want your little ass up in the morning in time for school. Got it?"
Kyle, still looking down only nodded. "Look at me and answer, you little fuck!" his father demanded.
Kyle raised his head and faced the man. Mat saw fear and hatred in the boy's face. "Yes, sir" Kyle answered obediently.
"Good" the man replied and went to his car, a faded yellow 1974 Camero. Mat heard the man grumble the words "little faggot" under his breath as he opened the car door and got in. After three or four attempts the tired engine bellowed and farted into life and backed out of the oil-stained driveway. Kyle looked visibly relieved as the dinosaur car and it's foul cargo pulled away.
Kyle turned to Mat and said with an embarrassed half-smile and said, "So. Now you've met my old man."
Yeah", Mat replied, watching the old car disappear around the corner and slowly shaking his head. "What a dick!"
For some reason this struck Kyle as deliciously funny and the face of the once sad and frightened boy quickly returned to its former beauty as the giggles overtook him. Soon both boys were doubled over in sheer raw laughter. Mat's heart was lightened greatly by the sight of Kyle's smiling face. After the last hiccups and bursts of laughter subsided Mat invited Kyle over to his house to hang out and Kyle gratefully accepted.
A special friendship had begun.
Chapter 5 -- Revelation
The boys rode double on Mat's bike. Back at Mat's house they ate peanut butter sandwiches, potato chips and milk while watching "Home Improvement" on the television. After the show was over Mat called his mom and asked if Kyle could stay the night. Being a school night made convincing her challenge, but Mat eventually got her to see things his way. She made him promise that all homework would be completed, the house would be clean, and boys would have baths and be in bed before she got home. He agreed to all.
Kyle used Mat's bike to ride home and get his schoolwork and clothes. While Kyle was gone Mat finished his reading assignment, saving the math for Kyle and him to do together. When Kyle returned Mat took his clothes and put them in the bedroom. The boys quickly got to their homework and were done at eight-thirty. That left them a couple of hours.
When Kyle discovered that Mat had a computer he insisted they spend some time fooling around on the Internet. Mat took a chair out of the kitchen and the boys settled down in front of the computer. Kyle was considerably better versed on how to get around cyber space and Mat allowed him to show him around all he wanted. After going through web sites featuring Bevis and Butthead, Southpark, Ren and Stempy and a site developed for Barney haters, Kyle's mood shifted to a more serious and somber.
"Do you want to see why my dad hates me?" Kyle asked, studying the keyboard.
Mat, feeling a little uneasy said, "Sure. But you don't have to tell me if you don't want to".
Kyle looked into Mat's eyes for a moment then turned to the mouse and called up another site. "I have to tell someone, and I think I can trust you".
Kyle entered a screen name and password and started up a newsgroup service. Mat had never been in a news group and he leaned forward to get a better look. "I'm not supposed to visit the news groups anymore". Kyle said. "My dad caught me a couple of times and he put in a block. But I figured out how to bypass it." Kyle clicked on a post labeled DA- and then some numbers. Mat looked at his friend and saw his cheeks were burning red. He turned back to the screen and could only stare, dumbfounded at what was unfolding there.
The picture unfolded slowly from the top down. First revealing fine, straight blond hair, then a boy's face. The boy looked to be Mat's age, maybe a little younger. His eyes looking down at something he seemed to be concentrating intensely on. Then a bare chest, then a smooth belly, then straight brown hair unfolded. Another boy had entered the scene. As the picture downloaded Mat could see that the blond boy was naked and the other boy was sucking his erect penis.
Mat forced himself to look away from the strangely stimulating photo and back to Kyle, who was looking back at him. He's just like you, Mat. Kyle's eyes were filling with tears and Mat had to look away. His emotions were going into overload at a dizzying speed. Could all of this really be happening? Was Kyle really just like him? Was THE Kyle Evens actually sitting next to him, showing him a picture of two boys doing something he had fanaticized about doing himself? Or would this scene soon fade to a dark, cool room where mat lay naked. Mat closed his eyes and let the wild rush of crazy thoughts and emotions flow through him until they began to slow to a manageable pace.
Mat opened his eyes and turned his gaze to Kyle, who was still looking at him. Only now the tears were freely flowing down his friend's face. Mat understood. It was real. Kyle was just like him and was in desperate need of someone to turn to, and that someone was Mat. All Mat could think of to say was, "You're dad's a dick. I still like you".
That was all Kyle could take. He broke down and began sobbing openly, his relief was obvious. Mat put a clumsy arm around Kyle and pulled the grieving boy to him. Kyle buried his face in Mat's chest and cried for what seemed like a very long time. Eventually the sobs tapered off and when Kyle regained his composure he looked up to Mat and asked, "Can we still be friends?"
Mat answered with a long, sturdy hug and the words "Of course."
Chapter 6 -- The Beginning
It had been a long and emotionally draining day for both Mat and Kyle. At nine-thirty they shut down the computer and took turns showering. By ten o'clock they were stripped down to their underwear and in bed with the lights out. The revelation no longer discussed, but not forgotten. Amazingly, Kyle fell asleep within minutes of hitting the sheets. Mat lay awake for quite a while longer. He heard his mom come into the house and rattle around in the kitchen for a while. Then he heard her come down the hall toward his room. He closed his eyes as the door opened and his mom peered in. When she closed the door Mat opened his eyes and looked at his sleeping friend in the faint glow of his night-light. Kyle looked impossibly beautiful. Mat heard his mom's bedroom door open then close. Soon he would be the only one awake, but sleep soon overtook his tired mind and body.
Once again Mat found himself in the cool, dark room. The faint odor of urine intermingled with rubbing alcohol and peroxide. The pulsing tone droned in the background. A hand cupped his groin and squeezed gently, a large hand. Mat pushed himself into the hand, welcoming it. Then the hand grew smaller, becoming the hand of a child or a small woman. The familiar voice of the man spoke softly in his head for the last time:
He's just like you, Mat. Go to him. Accept him and accept yourself. Allow yourself to indulge in the pleasures you yearn for. Don't deny them. You are a good person. Allow yourself to be a complete person. Live and love as your heart dictates. Do as I say and you will receive a true gift of the fulfilling life you were intended to have... and deserve.
The pulsing tone abruptly stopped, leaving Mat in an incomprehensible silence. Even the ongoing noise of random thoughts in his head was absent. Suddenly he felt a strange tearing from deep within him, something leaving his motionless body... a disorienting feeling of being divided within yet being left whole. The cool room began to warm and Mat could again feel the hand on his groin, squeezing, releasing and arousing erotic feelings and sensations far stronger than any he had ever experienced before. The odors of the room became a comforting mix of his bed and warm, sensuous breath. Mat opened his eyes and was staring into the eyes of Kyle Evens, the school hotshot, and his first lover.
Chapter 7 -- The Corpse
The corpse lay on a table in the center of a cool dark room. It's last breath spent, it's heart still. It's life a memory of self deprivation and loneliness... and happiness and fulfillment. The life of Mat Goldsten had ended at the age of eighty-seven in a strange division of two lives lived in parallel. The latter of the two, of happiness and fulfillment taking over the first at the last moment.
Mat Goldsten died slowly of a cancer that had spread from his colon and had taken over his entire body in the space of just over eight months, giving him time to reflect on his entire life. Being a boy lover, Mat had lived his life in a state of denial, depriving himself of the fulfillment he deserved. As his life neared the end Mat began meditating, trying to get in touch with the boy he once was. If he could only guide that boy into a path that would lead him to overcome his fears and live as he was intended to, perhaps his life wouldn't have been wasted.
The last week of Mat Goldsten' life was spent in a coma. Only his sister bothered to visit the lonely old man. She stayed by his side until the end, holding his hand and stroking his hair. As she watched her older brother's body rapidly deteriorate she had no idea that his soul was gaining strength. She could not hear the words he spoke in his mind, words spoken to a small boy...
Mat and Kyle were in love. As in love as two eleven-year-old boys could be. They explored each other and themselves openly and freely. The relationship ended after they graduated from junior high school, when Kyle moved to the East Coast. Kyle found a new love in the tenth grade, a popular senior jock named Jake Sturly. It was the first of three gay relationships he would have throughout his life.
Mat Goldsten had many lovers throughout his life, all boys. He enjoyed the company of young boys and had formed many relationships throughout his career as a schoolteacher. He cared a great deal for the boys in his life and was rewarded with lifelong friendships as well as priceless memories. His love affair with Kyle Evans had taught him that it was good to be a boy lover early in life. He accepted what he was and enjoyed the fulfillment that loving boys had to offer.
Given a chance, life can be good.
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