Tween to Teen Chp 16

The following is a work of fiction: Any resemblance to persons living or deceased is purely coincidental. It depicts sexual situations between males of various ages and, may include incest as well. if reading such is illegal where you reside or you are not at least 18 years of age, please read at your own risk. This work is the property of the author Kewl Dad and should not be reposted or reproduced without his permission.

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Tween to Teen
(sequel to My 11th Summer)
By: Kewl Dad

Chapter Sixteen
If you love someone, let them go

I brooded all the rest of the evening over what I was going to do, but I didn't really see any choice in the end. I knew it would be hard, maybe the hardest thing I would ever do, but I was sure I could survive, even if I might wish I'd died.

I knew mom and dad would smell a rat right away when there was no more Johnny in my life, so I had to figure out how to answer their questions when they came, and I knew they would come. An argument seemed like the best explanation. An argument so bad that we couldn't patch things up, but what could be that bad?

I couldn't tell them the real reason, that Johnny liked girls now and didn't want to be with me. Okay, okay...I was assuming he felt that way, but I just couldn't see us together once he started dating girls....especially Evelyn.

In fact I couldn't see myself being friends with her either...and maybe not even Chrissy. That was a lot to loose, three friends over this deal, but I didn't see any other way to live with it. It was sort of weird really, I'd been thinking so hard about what to do that I wasn't feeling any of the pain that I should have been. I figured there would be plenty of that later, but right now I had to make my plan and figure out how best to implement it.

I slept fitfully that night and was grouchy when I woke up the next day. I snapped at mom and dad gave me that warning look he has and I apologized quickly. My dad didn't have to hit me to put me back in line, in fact I couldn't remember the last time he'd swatted me, but that look could peel paint.

"So what are you and Johnny doing today?" Dad asked looking over the top of his Tulsa World newspaper.

"Nothing," I said softly, "why, what are you and mom doing?"

"Well, we had thought we might take a drive."

"That sounds good. Uh, can I go?"

"I don't know," dad teased, "we kind of wanted to be alone."

I knew he was teasing, but I just wasn't in the mood for being teased and I guess it showed in my face. "Okay. Fine. I'll just stay home by myself."

"Whoa, what's up with you son? You look like you lost your best friend...oh, wait a minute. Did you and Johnny have a fight or something? Is that why you're so grumpy this morning."

"No sir," I mumbled. Well, it was sort of true. We really didn't argue about this thing, not much any way.

"Well, something is wrong. Are you feeling okay?"

"Yes sir. I'm fine."

It was time for mom to jump in, good old mom.

"Everyone has a bad day once in a while Carl. Maybe Robert just needs to spend some time with his family."

She'd been feeding Mikey and he giggled about then and I had to smile. Mikey could make anyone's bad mood disappear right away, he was that cute.

"I'd like to...if it's okay..."

"Son, I was only teasing you. Of course you can come with us. I'll even spring for ice cream," dad said ruffling my hair which was already a mess.

I managed a smile and he sort of hugged me one handed. I wanted so badly to jump in his lap and bury my face in his strong chest and inhale his manly scent, but...after all I was a teenager now and I couldn't be doing those things.

Dad drove us all the way to Muskogee that day and we had ice cream at a Tasty Freeze and then went to Honor Heights Park and walked around. It's a big park with lots of trails and pretty scenery, even in the winter. At Christmas time they decorate it with lights and you can drive through and see all of them and in the spring there's the Azalea Festival where thousands of Azaleas and other flowers decorate the park. Most of the lights were up, but it was daytime and you really couldn't see then, but there were a lot of decorations that were pretty.

That day the weather was warmer than it had been and I actually worked up a sweat walking around. I eventually had to go pee and I left mom and dad sitting on a park bench and walked over to the bathrooms.

The bathrooms were located in a rock building and the men's faced the back of the parking lot and the women's faced the front. I pushed open the heavy wooden door and stepped inside and the first thing I noticed was the smell. It was the usual set up, a single stall with wooden walls and door, a long urinal trough and a dirty porcelain sink hanging on the wall.

It was cleaner than some bathrooms I'd been in, but I guess that smell just never went away no matter how many times they hosed down the place. The only light came from the windows located at the top of wall and it took my eyes a few minutes to adjust and then I headed toward the stall.

I could have used the urinal since I was alone, but I liked to read the grafitti on the walls every time I used a public bathroom and this one turned out to have some good stuff.

There was the usual "for a good time call...", poems such as "Came to shit and only farted, now I sit here broken-heated", and that kind of stuff, but what caught my attention was one written way down low as if the person was trying to hide it or something.

It was written in blue pen and the handwriting was terrible, but I was still able to read it.

13 male looking for suck or fuck here Sat and Sun only

Leave time and day to meet

Fortunately I'd peed before I read that one since I had to bend down low to read it, because I got hard immediately.

I worked the skin on my pecker a little while as I reread the message and found myself wondering if it was real. Was it really a 13 year boy or some adult pretending to be a kid? I'd heard about that sort of thing, but since I'd never met anyone in a bathroom before I didn't know. Still it was kind of exciting to think that maybe there was a kid my age hanging around the bathroom and trying to find someone to have sex with.

Then another thought hit me, it was Sunday and the kid (or whoever) said they were looking for Saturday and Sunday only. Was it too late? Had be already been here and gone, or was it fake? Was it possible that it was written years ago and the kid, if he existed, was older now, or moved away or something else? It was weird thinking about it, but exciting too.

I guess I was too wrapped up in my thoughts to hear the door opening but when it slammed shut I almost zipped my pecker up in my pants in my haste to put it away. I took a deep breath and intended on leaving as quickly as possible, but I had to regain my composure first.

As my heart slowed down I unlatched the door and pushed it open slowly, scanning the area in front of me, but I could see no one. The urinal was around the corner so I couldn't see if anyone was there, but as I headed toward the exit I glanced to my left and got the surprise of my life.

Standing at the urinal looking back over his shoulder was a kid about my age with red hair and freckles. He was kind of chubby, but it was hard to tell much about him since he was wearing loose sweat pants.

"Hi," he said as soon as he saw me, "You live around here?"

"Naw, just visiting. My folks are waiting for me...just had to pee," I said grinning.

He looked disappointed at that, but he kept talking, maybe so I wouldn't leave yet.

"I'm Nick, can you stay a minute?"

"I guess," I said feeling a little nervous. What if my dad came looking for me?

"Come over here," he said motioning with his head.

I nervously moved closer but stopped just short of the urinal. I couldn't see his pecker but I didn't hear any piss hitting the urinal so I didn't know if he'd finished or hadn't started yet.

"How old are you?"

"13," I said nervously eyeing the door.

"I'm 14. Had a birthday last week," he said sounding proud of his accomplishment.

Then half turning toward me his eyes met mine and then he looked down and when my eyes followed his I saw what was in his hand.

His pecker was hard and big, as big as Walter's I'd guess, and he was uncut just like me. As I watched he pulled the foreskin back to reveal a purple swollen head that looked a little wet on the end.

"Like it?"

I nodded.

"Show me yours," he said sounding excited.

I glanced at the door once more then moved up beside him and opened my fly and hauled out my pecker. It was hard already, had been for quite a while, and he reached over and grabbed it without invitation.

I drew in a deep breath and shivered a little, but I figured if he could grab mine then I'd grab his, and that's what I did.

"Yeah." he said softly.

We stood there just feeling each other's pecker for a long time then he turned to me with a nervous look on his face and said, "Want me to suck it?"

I knew this was risky, but dammit my dick was hard, I'd lost my boyfriend, and I needed the human touch.

"Okay, but we have to hurry."

He led me to the stall and sat down on the toilet and pulled me to him and didn't waste any time gobbling down my dick. I can't say he was really that skilled, but when you're 13 any attention to your dick is welcome and before long he had me panting and moaning.

I tried to warn him that I was going to come, but he didn't seem to care and just sucked harder and faster until I blew my load in his mouth. He swallowed it quickly and stood up and looked at me expectantly.

Well fair is fair so we traded places and I gave him one of my best, but hurried, bjs which he seemed to appreciate.

When he was done he zipped up, said goodbye and hightailed it out of there like his ass was on fire. I zipped up quickly, wiped my mouth on the back of my hand and pushed open the stall door. The kid was gone. I washed my hands and rinsed out my mouth by cupping my hand and filling it with water then straightened my clothes and walked out into the crisp autumn air.

Mom and dad were nowhere to be seen which was a relief at first, then I started to worry. I looked all around but couldn't see them. I was just starting to panic and was going to yell for them when suddenly they came down the path leading up the hill.

"Oh Robert you have to see this," mom said as they got closer and I ran to them.

I looked back trying to see where Nick had gone, but he was nowhere to be seen. Maybe I dreamed him, I thought, but my dick still tingled reminding me that I'd just gotten a blow job. It was if mom and dad didn't even miss me and nothing was said about me taking so long, but I guess they were sort of wrapped up in their own world the whole time, exploring and having a good time.

What mom wanted me to see was a little garden with a fountain in the middle. I supposed that in the spring it would be covered in Azaleas, but right now it was decorated for Christmas. The evergreen bushes and trees had been strung with lights, garland and ornaments and I had to admit it was something to see. It was amazing to look at, and I felt very peaceful gazing at all the colorful decorations. Yeah, that's what it was, peaceful and it made me feel good just to look at it. Then as suddenly as I'd felt that sense of peacefulness come upon me, a wave of sadness swept over me.

"Can we go?" I said trying to keep it together.

"What's your hurry?" dad said frowning.

"No hurry, just bored," I lied.

"Well, just hold on to your horses, your mom wants to look some more."

"Oh, I guess I'm done." I hated the sound of disappointment in her voice and that I had caused it.

"You guys can keep looking, I'm gonna go check out that little pond over there."

"All right, but stay away from the edge. You'd freeze to death before we could pull you out," mom warned.

I crossed the parking lot and walked over to the little pond and a few geese headed my way, honking at me at first, but when they saw I didn't have anything to feed them they waddled away. The pond was actually pretty big and bordered the road running behind the park as well as two different parking lots. There was a municipal pool next to it and I supposed in the summer it was churning with kids trying to escape the summer heat. Maybe even Nick.

Nick. What a neat name. I thought about how he'd looked and decided he was cute. I mean I'd spent most of my time looking at his dick, but at first it had been his eyes I was looking at and they were green...like mine. Green eyes aren't really that rare, not like blue, but when I find someone with green eyes, like mine, I tend to feel a sort of closeness to them.

That he was a little chubby didn't bother me. I thought it might be good to snuggle up to a warm chubby boy on those cold winter nights, especially if I was snuggled up to his butt and maybe poking him there. I wondered if he liked to kiss or if he was it just sex with him. Did he have friends he did stuff with, or was he the boy from the writing on the wall, only now 14 instead of 13?

I looked across the pond and thought about Johnny. I knew he'd like this place a lot and we'd have been laughing and playing around the whole time we were here. That made me sad, but then if boys like Nick were that easy to find then maybe I'd find someone else. Someone to replace Johnny.

Only the thought of that only brought on more sadness. It was like I was thinking about cutting off my arm or something. I'd known Johnny so long that it was like he was a part of me and losing him was going to leave me crippled, inside and out.

"Oh fuck...fuck...fuck," I said angrily, "why did I have to fall in love with him?"

"Who?" someone said suddenly causing me to spin around and my heart to stop beating for a second.

It was Nick of course, materialized out of nowhere just as easily as he'd disappeared earlier.

"You scared the shit out of me," I said as my heart beat fast in my chest.

"Sorry. I saw you over here and I just thought I'd say hi."

"Hi? Hi?" I laughed maniacally, "We just said goodbye ten minutes ago."

"Sorry," he repeated, "why are you so mad at me?" he said sounding hurt.

"I'm not," I said sighing, "you just scared me, that's all."

"What were you saying...just now...before I scared ya'?"

"Nothing. Uh, it's private."

"You said something about falling in love."

"What? No, I'm 13 for god's sake, I'm too young to fall in love," I scoffed.

Nick shrugged, "I was in love once. She was really nice, but she thought I was too young for her. Her name was Linda. She had big tits too," he laughed.

"What happened?"

"Oh nothing really, I got over it. Love is for the birds. Sex is okay, but love is...stupid. What's the point?"

"Yeah, what's the point?" I muttered, "So...do you live around here?"

"Over there, white house across the road. Where you from?"

"Pryor."

"Oh, yeah my grandma lives there. We go there all the time. We're going there for Christmas."

"Really? That's cool."

"Yeah, maybe I'll see ya' there?"

"Yeah, maybe." But I didn't think that would happen. What were the odds?

"Robert!"

It was my mom yelling and dad had already brought the car up to where she stood yelling.

"Well, gotta go," I said shrugging, "Uh..nice meeting you. See ya Nick."

"Yeah, see ya'..uh Rober," Nick said looking sad all of a sudden, "I...might try to find ya'...at Christmas I mean. Where do you live?"

"Near the tracks...on Taylor Street. You know where that is?"

"Are you serious, my grandma lives on Whitaker, that's one street over...right?"

"Yeah," I said smiling, "my friend Donnie lives on Whitaker."

"Wow, I bet I can find you then."

I told him what streets we lived between and he knew the area well. It was crazy that I should meet someone in a city thirty miles away that was connected to home, but there he was and it looked like we'd see each other again. And the way I felt right then, I felt like I needed to see him again.

I finally pulled away and got in the car. We waved to each other as dad drove away and then I turned to look out the back window just to make sure he was real after all. I guess he was cause he was still waving.

"Well, you certainly make friends easy," Dad chuckled.

"Yeah, his name is Nick," I said excitedly, "and his grandma lives on Whitaker and he's going to visit her for Christmas so I might see him then."

Mom laughed, "Always making plans. I wish I was half as sociable as you boys are."

Boys? A stabbing pain hit my stomach. There was no more "boys", only me now. No Robert and Johnny, only Robert...playing solo, all alone, just the one of me. Boy talk about depressing.

**************************************************

School on Monday was hell. First of all I overslept and mom had to drive me to school so I wouldn't be late and secondly: Johnny met me at the door and wanted to know where I'd been all day Sunday. Apparently he'd come down and found us gone and had hung around all day waiting for us to come home.

"Why didn't you call me and tell me you were going to be gone?"

"I don't have to check in with you every time I'm going somewhere," I huffed. Boy he was making this easier than I thought.

"Well..." he stuttered, "what does that mean?"

"It means I have a life, you have a life, we don't have to tell each other everything. I mean you sure don't tell me everything."

"Is this about Evelyn?"

"Shhh..." I said giving him a dirty look. We didn't have any classes with her, but she had friends in homeroom with us."

"After school," he said looking mad, "we need to talk."

"I might be busy," I smirked.

He gave me a hurt look then went to his desk and sat down. I tried not to make eye contact when I sat down next to him, but he was watching me like a hawk. Giving me that hurt puppy look, but instead of getting to me it was making me angry. He'd caused all this shit and now he was trying to lay the guilt on me.

Homeroom only lasted 15 minutes and then it was off to class and I managed to avoid Johnny till lunch. I considered skipping lunch, but that would be too obvious, and anyway I was hungry since I'd missed breakfast.

Johnny wasn't there yet, and I found out later he'd stayed after class to talk to the teacher before heading to lunch. Gerald and Donnie and Walter were there and a few other guys I knew, but no girls sat at our table which was a blessing, especially since a girl had caused all this trouble.

"Hey, Robert where's Johnny?" Walter asked innocently.

"Who cares," I growled.

"Uh oh, you guys have a fight?" Gerald laughed.

"No," I lied, "I just don't keep track of him every minute you know."

Donnie looked like he wanted to say something, like maybe contradict me, but Walter nudged him and he kept quiet. Then Johnny came through the door and their was dead silence. I toyed with my food then decided I wasn't quite so hungry as I was before, but I wasn't going to let him spoil my lunch.

He grabbed a tray and headed toward our table and I could feel the hackles on my neck raise up. I felt sick at my stomach, but I just kept shoveling whatever it was they were serving that day into my mouth and pretending nothing was wrong.

Everyone greeted Johnny as usual and he greeted them back and for a while nothing was said as we all ate our food and drank our milk. Then suddenly the chatter began and things seemed to be getting back to normal again, at least with the others.

Johnny seemed to have gotten over his sadness or whatever and was carrying on a conversation with Walter about exercising while Donnie and Gerald listened, occasionally glancing my way to see what I was doing. Which was mostly choking down my food which suddenly tasted like Playdoh or something.

After lunch Johnny and I would have usually went outside and hung around with our group but I said I had to go to the bathroom and left them to put up their trays and stare after me. I wasn't fooling anyone, but short of leaving town I didn't know how else to make this work.

I did use the bathroom, but after that I went to the library and checked out a new Heinlein book and sat around and read it till time to go to class.

As you might guess avoiding Johnny was not the easiest thing to do, but I was determined to see this through and I did pretty good until gym class. It was there that the shit finally hit the fan.

As soon as we were dressed out Johnny pulled me aside and started.

"Okay, I know you're pissed about Evelyn, but that's no reason to treat me like shit all day. If you want me to, I'll never talk to her again."

"I think you two make a nice couple," I said smartly, "maybe someday you can get married and have some little Johnnys."

"Shit Robert, I never would have told you about her if I knew it would make you this crazy."

"You were just being honest, and that's okay. Now I know how things are and I can deal with them."

"What does that mean?" Johnny said looking confused.

"We need to get to class," I reminded him, "coach will be yelling for us in a minute."

"After school then. We have to talk."

I didn't reply, just turned and walked out onto the gym floor and sat down next to Walter and waited for coach to come tell us what to do.

That day we worked on tumbling and did some laps around the gym and I managed to avoid Johnny the whole period. When it was time to shower I realized it would be hard to avoid Johnny there, but fortunately Donnie and Walter were there and I took up a spot next to them and Johnny was forced to shower in the next stall.

Neither of them said anything, but I think by then it was pretty obvious to them that something was going on and it was only a matter of time till they made me spill my guts, but not yet.

I dressed quickly and Johnny was right behind me as I headed out that day but he didn't try to talk to me, not then. He waited till we were outside before he finally spoke.

"Okay, we gotta talk."

"Not here," I insisted, "When we get to the tracks."

Johnny frowned but didn't push me. I guess he was just glad I'd agreed to talk.

At the tracks I led him to the loading platform and sat down dangling my legs over the side and he joined me, keeping just enough distance between us so he could turn to look at me when he spoke.

"Okay, now...what's going on? Why are you so mad about this and what can I do to fix it?"

I sighed, "If you have to ask then you don't understand how things are. I thought we were...well, I thought what we had meant something to you...like it does to me, and that you didn't need anyone else."

"What we have does mean something to me, it means a lot. I still feel the same way about you as before. Nothing has changed."

"Except that now you want to have sex with Evelyn or some girl."

Johnny shook his head, "So...how does that change anything?"

"What? Are you serious? You really don't understand what I mean?"

"I guess I sort of do, but I always said..."

I cut him off, "That was before, before you said you loved me," I whined.

"I've always loved you," he said quietly, "I just love you more now."

"Then why do you need a girl?"

"I don't need a girl. I just want to see what it's like, but it's no big deal. I won't do it or mention it again if it's that big a deal."

"No, I don't think this is anything you can take back or avoid. It's probably gonna happen sooner or later anyway so it might as well be now...now, before I'm too much in love with you."

"What do you mean?"

"I think...well, that we should just be friends from now on, but not boy friends." There I'd said it and it didn't sound so bad. Mom and dad wouldn't be suspicious cause we'd still hang around, we just wouldn't be having sex or smooching anymore. Yeah, that was perfect. So why did I feel like my heart had just been stepped on?

"Just cause I said I wanted to try a girl?"

"Because I'm not enough for you now. Better to end this now...before...before it's too late."

"That's crazy. I don't want to change anything we have..."

"And that's selfish. Don't you see that? If you can't then...well, I got nothing else to say."

"Fine," Johnny said finally getting pissed off, "If that's how you want it then fine! But don't blame me. You're the one who wants it this way."

"Okay," I said shakily, "we can still be friends," I said softening a bit, "but no more sleepovers or sex."

"That won't last," Johnny sniggered.

"We'll see," I muttered, "I need to get home, mom will be worried."

Johnny sighed, "I just don't get it. Please think about this."

"I have, for two days and this is the way it has to be from now on."

"You decided this, not me. Shouldn't I get a vote?"

"Not when it comes to my heart," I said glaring at him, "you made your choice, now live with it."

"But I didn't...." but I had already jumped down and was headed across the tracks and by the time he caught up with me he'd lost his determination to change my mind.

We walked to my house in silence and then said goodbye at my front gate and I went inside. Mom was in the kitchen and when she heard me come in she called out to me.

"In here boys," she said expecting Johnny to be with me like he usually was and when she saw I alone she sort of raised an eyebrow and looked surprised, "No Johnny?"

"No mom, he had stuff to do. Just me and I'm hungry."

"There's fruit on the table, would you like some milk?"

"Yes please, I'm gonna go change first. Be right back."

I changed quickly and when I got back to the kitchen mom had a glass of milk on the table and she had sat down across from it. I knew what that meant, she wanted to talk.

"So...Johnny had things to do. Um....Robert, is there something going on with you two that we should know about? A fight maybe or something like that?"

"No mom, can't we be away from each other for a day without it being a big deal?"

"Well, considering you boys usually spend every possible minute together....then yes, it is a big deal."

"Well...maybe we decided we needed some space, that's all." I said peeling a banana, but I could see she wasn't buying it.

"Uh huh, and why is that?"

"Mom, we're getting older and we don't need to spend so much time together..."

"And this all came about just over Thanksgiving? You know I was really surprised when Johnny didn't have dinner with us that night, but I can see there is more to this than meets the eye. Maybe you don't trust me enough to tell me what's really going on, or maybe you're not ready, but eventually you will have to tell someone or it will eat you alive son."

I took a drink of milk and then ate my banana without saying a word. When it was all gone I got up and threw the peel in the trash and excused myself to go do my homework. I could feel mom's eyes on me as I walked away, but she kept quiet.

~~~~~0~~~~~0~~~~~0~~~~~

How I managed to survive those next few weeks is still a mystery to me. I guess it just goes to show that the human spirit is resilent and that life goes on, even when your heart is broken. The hardest part of course was seeing Johnny every day at school and then actually dealing with him as a "friend" rather than a lover.

I had him over maybe two or three times a week, but I didn't go to his house much any more. I guess I was afraid his folks would start asking questions, and it was bad enough that my mom and dad kept watching me like I was a piece of glass and ready to crack any minute.

When Johnny was over we hardly ever went to my room even when the weather was bad. If we spent time inside it was in the livng room, usually watching TV while we played with Mikey. I know Mikey was just a little kid, but I swear it seemed like he knew something was up between me and Johnny and sometimes he looked at us with sort of a sad look on his face.

We didn't argue about what was going on between us, but a couple of times Johnny tried to talk to me about things and I stubbornly told him that I thought things were working out just fine. I even had the nerve to ask him how it was going with Evelyn and him, but he just shook his head and walked away. Fine, I didn't want to know anyway. It was just another stake driven into my poor broken heart.

Christmas was fast approaching and my mom and dad had been nagging me about what I wanted for Christmas. The truth was I couldn't think of anything I wanted, well...except maybe Johnny wrapped up in bright red paper (and nothing else) with a big bow on his head. I knew I had to think of something to tell them, but I just kept stalling and finally one day I'd had enough and just blurted out the first thing I thought of, new clothes.

Mom looked at me like I was crazy. They had always provided my clothes as a matter of necessity and considered birthdays and Christmas to be a time for things that I wanted, not needed, like toys and last year of course, my Bike.

"Clothes, but you have plenty of clothes," Mom said looking shell shocked.

"I know, but I'm growing so fast and all and well...mom you always pick out the neatest clothes for me and I really need new Keds too, maybe some boots...for winter." God was I laying it on thick.

"Well, I guess you are growing and things like clothes are becoming important to you, but we want you to have something special for Christmas, so isn't there something you really want."

"A...a tape recorder," I blurted out. My friend Kenny had one and brought it to school one day and I thought it was pretty cool.

Mom smiled, "That's more like it. Have you thought about what to get Johnny this year?" she said looking a little worried at how I might react to that question.

A conscience, I thought to myself, "Uh, not really, but I'll think of something," Like a box of rocks or some coal.

She nodded, "Son, I know I've said this before...but if you ever want to talk about this..."

"There's nothing to talk about mom. Everything is fine." So why was I near tears? "I'm going outside." I just had to get away and be alone, even if only for a minute.

"All right, but eventually we're going to talk this thing out."

I just shook my head and grabbed my coat and high-tailed it out of there while I could. I wound up in my treehouse that day, and even though the weather was cold I didn't feel a thing. I was numb, physically and mentally, but my heart still hurt like someone had pushed a dull knife into it.

It was the week before Christmas and what had once been the happiest season for me had suddenly become just another thing to get through. This was a short week and then Christmas vacation would start and I'd have to deal with that on top of everything else. No Johnny, no fun, no kissing, no sex. Boy was I depressed.

I was still sitting there when dad called me to dinner and I wondered where the time had gone. I climbed down and went inside and ate my dinner then watched TV with the family, but it was as if I wasn't even there. I'd become numb to everything and it seemed like the only one who could pull me out of my funk was Mikey.

Who could resist a cute kid that idolized you, well that's what I thought he felt any way, and when I was playing with him I sort of forgot my sadness and lonliness and felt good again. But then it was back to the real world and I was right back where I started from.

By Christmas Eve I'd only seen Johnny one time outside of school, but I'd invited him over Christmas Eve, at my folks insistance, so we could give him his gifts. I'd finally settled on a bow and arrow set, the kind with real tips, not suction cups, and I had to admit it was pretty neat and even I wouldn't have minded having one.

Mom fixed finger food and little sandwiches for supper that night and Johnny arrived around 6 and we ate first while sitting around the living room admiring the tree. Mikey tried to pull the tree down every chance he got, but between the four of us we were able to keep him out of trouble.

Once we were finished eating I pulled Johnny's gift out and handed it to him. He'd placed mine under the tree when he'd arrived and he jumped up quickly and handed it to me with what I thought was a sad smile. But by now I was immune to his sad puppy dog look and just thanked him without putting too much emotion in it.

Mom and dad had a gift for Johnny too, a new transistor radio that I'd picked out, and Johnny loved it. He'd saved my gift till last and when he got it unwrapped he held it almost lovingly and looked my way.

"Thanks, this is really neat. I can't wait to try them out. Maybe we can set up a target in your back yard and do some target practice."

For a minute I forgot all about all the crap that had gone on between us and just felt like a kid again. I was actually smiling and looking forward to trying out Johnny's bow and arrows later and had forgotten all about my own gift.

"Well...aren't you gonna open yours?" Johnny said looking excited.

"Oh, sure....yeah," I said as I started to rip the paper off. It was obvious Johnny had wrapped my gift from the way the paper was overlapped and a little messy, but I think that made it seem even more special.

I don't know what I was expecting, but when I finally got the wrapping off and saw what was inside I looked at Johnny and smiled. For that one moment it was like things were back to normal and there wasn't this big rift between us, then the moment was gone and things were back like they were.

"This is really great," I said pulling out the hunting knife and sheathe that was inside."

"I thought you could use it when...I mean if we...er if you go camping this summer," he said looking suddenly very small and unsure of himself.

"Yeah, and you can bring your bow and arrows and we can kill a bear and skin it," I teased. Suddenly I felt like being happy even though I hadn't been for a long time. I couldn't see why we couldn't be friendly to each other, and going camping together didn't sound unreasonable, espeically if Donnie and Walter and maybe Gerald came along.

Johnny smiled then and his smile lit up the whole room and for the rest of the evening things actually seemed better and I began to think I might make it through this after all. If I hadn't been so horny I'd say it was the perfect situation, us just being friends, but that had been a big part of our relationship and I missed it more than I thought I would.

Dad offered to drive Johnny home, but he'd ridden his bike and so I walked him to the street.

"I had a good time tonight," he said smiling that old Johnny smile that I loved so much, the one that had stolen my heart away long ago, "Thanks for the present, it's really neat."

"I had a good time too, and I love my knife," I said smiling, "See, this is working out just fine."

Then his smile disappeared and he lowered his head and shook it sadly, "I was hoping...." he said sighing, "that...oh, never mind," he huffed and then he rode off leaving me to wonder what I'd done wrong.

Christmas at our house was always a noisy and fun affair, but that year I just didn't feel it like I had in the past. Uncle Joe and aunt Cathy and little Joe, who was just a year older than Mikey, came and later my other uncle Jack showed up. He was single and as far as I knew he never dated any women, and now looking back I wonder if maybe...you know, that he liked guys better.

Despite the fact that I really hadn't asked for much that year, there were plenty of presents to open and I had to admit, I got a lot of good stuff that year. But the tape recorder would prove to be my favorite Christmas gift that year, well...that and the knife Johnny gave me.

I was wiped out once we'd eaten Christmas dinner and considered taking a nap but instead I decided to ride my bike over to Whitaker street and see if I could find Nick, the boy from Muskogee. As I straddled my bike and rode off I thought about last Christmas and how much I had enjoyed myself and how I'd felt when I saw my new bike. It seemed like a long time ago, but at that moment it seemed like a little of the magic had returned.

I had just made it to the end of the block and was about to turn up the sidewalk that ran in front of Larry's house when I saw someone headed my way from up the street. I stopped and watched for a moment then smiled as I realized it was Nick and starting riding toward him.

By the time I reached Nick he was coming at me at a run and when he stopped in front of me he was panting and holding his sides and bending over to catch his breath.

"Hi Nick," I said excitedly, "I was hoping I'd find you today."

"I was just coming to see if I could find you. Did you have a good Christmas?"

"Yeah, did you?"

"Yeah, I ate so much I'm stuffed," he laughed, "So what did you get for Christmas?"

We named off all the things we'd gotten as we stood there in the middle of the street and once we'd exhausted that subject things got kind of quiet. I knew what I wanted to do, but even though we'd messed around in the bathroom at the park, I wasn't sure if he was feeling the same thing I was.

"So...any private places around here?" he finally asked and I smiled. I knew just the place.

In fact we were practically standing right in front of it.

"See that big tin building? That an old gin mill and it's been abandoned for years. Us kids play in it all the time. There's not much in it, just some bales of hay and some junk, but it's private."

"Let's go," he said grinning.

I parked my bike in some bushes and showed Nick where the door was and we squeezed through it and went inside. The door had never opened all the way the whole time us boys had been coming here, but as we'd grown we'd found it harder and harder to squeeze through the opening and Nick almost didn't make it.

"Wow, this is neat," he said once we were inside.

I took a second to look him over and decided he wasn't as chubby as I'd thought that first time I'd seen him back in the park. Today he was wearing jeans and a curduroy jacket and though he was thicker than I was, he wasn't really what you'd call fat. Okay, maybe chubby was the right word, but he still looked good.

"Me and my friends come here a lot," I said hoping he got the idea, "when we need some privacy."

"I gotta pee, is it okay if I pee in here?"

"Sure, we usually pee in that corner over there. I need to go too, I'll show you."

Peeing is always a good way to get things started with us boys. I mean we have our peckers out and once we've stopped peeing it's just a matter of time till we get hard and that's exactly what happened that day.

"Remember that day in the park?" Nick said grinning.

"Yeah, that was fun. Want to do it again?"

"Heck yeah," he said reaching over and wrapping his hand around my pecker.

I returned the favor and for a while we just stood there working the foreskin on each other's pecker. After a while Nick loosened his pants some more and let them slide down his legs exposing his nuts. They were bigger than mine, but as far as I could see they didn't have much hair on them. He did have a furry patch just above his pecker that was sort of neat looking, but I wasn't entirely sure how I felt about hair down there yet.

I had a decent little patch myself and Johnny had more than me, but my nuts were still smooth and I think I prefered them that way. Not that it mattered much to anyone I'd messed around with, but it seemed like maybe I noticed that stuff more than they did.

"Pull yours down," Nick said grabbing my waistband and tugging at it.

I did as he asked and he looked me over carefully as he continued to work my pecker. Then he bent down and took me in his mouth and sucked for a few mintues. I could tell he wasn't trying to get me off, that he was just trying to keep things going, and so I returned the favor, giving his pecker just a little action before going back to what we were doing earlier.

His dick tasted sort of salty and maybe sweaty, but not bad, and he didn't stink or anything, but I don't think he was freshly showered or anything either. Actually I liked the natural smell of a boy and that smell actually excited me.

"Let's go over there and sit down," Nick said indicating a bale of hay that had seen action a few times before with us boys.

We waddled over there with our pants around our legs and Nick dropped his underwear and sat down. Fortunately we'd long ago covered the hay bale with several burlap bags to pad them, cause hay wasn't very comfortable to sit on with a bare butt.

I pulled my undies down and sat down beside Nick and we resumed jacking each other for a while then Nick looked into my eyes and sort of smiled.

"You ever...you know...cornholed anyone?"

"Yeah, have you?"

"Yeah, but I mostly like getting it done to me. Want to?"

"Okay, sure. If you'll do it to be back."

"Okay," Nick said sounding excited, "but you go first."

Nick wet my dick with his mouth than I spit on it some to get it slick and while he bent over the bale of hay I moved up behind him and placed my dick head against his pucker. It was sweaty and slick and he seemed pretty loose back there and my dick slipped in pretty easy.

It felt good as I pushed in all the way and I knew if I didn't take my time I'd come way too fast. I placed my hands on his hips and leaned down against him and just held him for a minute before I started to move.

"Uh...feels good," he grunted.

"Yeah, me too," I moaned as I pushed back in and felt his tightness surround my aching pecker.

"You can go faster if you want."

"Okay, just trying to make it last," I grunted as I wrapped my arms around his chubby middle and held on tight.

"I like that," he said softly.

I wondered if Nick had a regular guy back in Muskogee, or if he just let anyone who asked fuck him, because it was obvious he liked this a lot and had done it a few times before. His butt was full and round and felt good beneath my touch and I wished we had a nice soft bed to lay in so I could snuggle up to that nice chubby butt and really enjoy myself. But this was pretty good too. As always the element of danger made the sex more exciting, and even though the chance of anyone besides of us being there on Christmas day was slim, it still felt wicked.

I tried reaching under Nick and working his cock while I fucked, but his tummy was too fat for that and I finally gave up and concentrated on my own cock moving in and out of his ass. As many times as I'd done this with Johnny and my other friends it still seemed like a very serious and special thing, like real sex I guess, sort of like what it would be like to have sex with a girl maybe.

I guess I couldn't really fault Johnny for wanting to try that, but I was pretty sure I had no desire to stick my dick in a girl's pussy. I mean I was sure it felt good and all, but I just didn't find girls sexy like I did boys. In fact I thought girls were pretty boring down there. I liked a hard cock sticking out from between a boy's legs and of course a nice butt. I had to admit some girls had nice butts and I wondered if I'd enjoy fucking a girl that way, but I'd never heard of girls liking that.

I came hard that afternoon during my Christmas fuck and I shivered hard as I shot my hot boy sperm into Nick's butt. He was pushing back the whole time and seemed to be enjoying himself as much as I did and once I was done he acted as if he didn't want it to be over.

"Stay inside for a minute, okay?" he said softly.

I sort of understood what he meant, when Johnny made love to me I liked it when he just stayed inside me and laid on top of me and we held hands and snuggled against one another. Still it was kind of cool in that barn and I still had to let Nick fuck me so when I started going soft I let myself slip out and when I looked down at my pecker I was happy to see it was fairly clean.

"Your turn," I said slapping him on the ass and giggling.

"Okay, but are you sure? My dick is bigger than yours?"

"No problem, I've had bigger," I bragged, and then I told him about Donnie's brother Larry and his big cock.

"Wow, an older boy. That's neat. I got fucked by an older boy once too and it hurt like heck, but that was when I was 12."

"Just take it slow, but once you get in it's okay, you can go as fast as you want."

It took a minute for Nick to get lined up just right but I didn't have much trouble taking his dick up my butt and once he got all the way in he sighed and hugged me like I'd hugged him. He seemed to be as needy for a warm human body against him as I had been and he took his time, fucking me slowly and feeling me all over as he did.

He finished up leaning down on my back and with one final thrust he unloaded in my guts. I can't say I felt the sperm hitting me, but I did feel his dick contracting and expanding as he came. He lingered like I had after he was done and didn't seem in any danger of getting soft. At first I thought he might go again, but eventually he pulled out carefully and gave my butt a soft pat.

"That was good. I don't usually do that. I usually just get fucked, but that was good...thanks."

"It was nice," I said feeling my sticky hole and laughing, "except it's kind of messy."

"Yeah, I come a lot," he said blushing.

"Oh well, when I get home I'll take a poop and get rid of it."

"Yeah, well...what do you want to do now?"

"Hey, do you want to come to my house for a while?...I mean if it's okay."

"Sure, my folks don't care. I told em' I wouldn't be back till supper time."

We pulled up our clothes and I walked my bike along with Nick beside me. We talked about how things were at our school and our friends and learned a lot about each other on the short walk to my house.

Uncle Joe and aunt Cathy had already left to go visit some friends and I was sorry I didn't get to say goodbye, but I knew I'd see them again soon. They came by a lot these days, especially uncle Joe, and there was New Years to look forward to as well.

I introduced Nick to my folks and to Mikey and as usual Mikey worked his charm on this new boy. What was it about that kid that made everyone want to pick him up or play with him?

I got us a soda and took Nick to my room and showed him my model collection and we talked some more. I showed him my new tape recorder and we goofed around with it for awhile, making funny voices and stuff and I kept that tape for a long time after that day.

I could smell the sex we'd had earlier on us and I wondered it was as obvious to my folks, but then I supposed that they were used to smelly boys and might not know exactly what it was they were smelling.

"I had fun today," Nick said when it was time to go, "can I come back and see you sometime?"

"You bet, any time you're in town come on down. I'm usually home."

"Okay, I will. Well...thanks and I had fun," he said again.

I don't know what got into me but I just felt like hugging this kid and I did and from the way he hugged me back he liked it as much as I did.

"I'll see ya' next time, okay?"

"You bet, thanks again. I better go. I'm getting kind of hungry anyway."

I walked him to the street and waved as he waked away and watched him till he crossed Graham and then went inside.

"He seems like a nice boy," mom said as she sat the table for dinner.

"Yeah, we had fun," I said trying not to think about how much I missed a certain other boy right then.

"Shame he doesn't live here, you two could become friends."

"Oh well, at least I'll see him when he comes to visit his grandma, kind of like Ricky."

"Have you heard from Ricky lately?"

"Yes, and he said his dad might be getting transfered back to the states, maybe even Kansas."

"That's nice. Well, at least you two have kept in touch. Maybe someday the two of you will finally live close enough to spend more time together."

"Yeah, someday...maybe."

As we ate dinner that night I thought about things and decided it had been a pretty good day despite all that had happened in the last month. I still had my family, my friends, and now a new friend, and somehow I'd make it through without Johnny. Well...at least without Johnny as a boyfriend.

We watched TV and I recorded the sound of our happy family that night on my new tape recorder and I held onto that tape for a long time.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^0^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

The Christmas break passed quickly and I really didn't see that much of Johnny. I think he went to visit relatives part of the time, but I think mostly he was just avoiding me, maybe trying to punish me or something, but it didn't work.

By New Year's Day I was ready to begin a new year without Johnny and when we returned to school that first day I was determined to leave the past behind and move forward. The weather was cold that day but we hadn't got the snow the weatherman had predicted, not yet, so I walked to school as usual.

Sometimes Johnny would walk to school with me, but lately he'd been coming later and I wasn't about to wait for him. It was a matter of pride. I'd agreed to be friends and to keep things as normal as possible and it was him who was making things hard, well...that's how I saw it anyway.

I didn't see Johnny at all except in class and even then we didn't speak. At lunch he was late getting there and took a seat on the other side of the table. It was obvious that Johnny was trying to make a point or maybe punish me, but it wasn't working. I was immune to his little games and spent the whole time ignoring him and talking to the other kids at our table. He looked miserable and I felt smug cause I'd made him feel that way. What was happpening to me? I was becoming someone I didn't care for much, but love does strange things to you.

When school let out that day I gathered up my things and was headed out and just as I pushed open the door Johnny suddenly appeared from beside the building and moved up beside me.

"Hi, can I walk with you?"

"Sure," I said trying to sound friendly.

"I didn't know if it was okay or not," he said pitifully.

"Hey, I never said you couldn't walk with me, you're the one who's been showing up late and stuff."

"Look, can we not fight..okay?"

I shrugged, "Okay."

"Good, cause I want to tell you something and I don't want you to be mad."

"Okay, what is it?" I said impatiently.

"Well, see...uh, Evelyn and me...we're sort of like boyfriend and girlfriend now."

He'd moved a few feet away like he thought I might go crazy and attack him or something, but the truth was I felt like someone had just knocked the air out of me and I was in no position to attack anyone.

"That's great," I managed to squeak out at last, "really great."

He was quiet for a little while, I guess trying to figure out what I was really thinking or what to say next or whatever, and when he did speak it was barely a whisper.

"I didn't want things to be this way, but it just happened. When you stopped being my...well, you know...I waited a long time..but when you still wouldn't change your mind...well, this last week Evelyn and I were talking and I told her what happened and well we just started hanging out and stuff..."

"You told her about us?" I asked with horror.

"Not that part, just that you didn't want to hang out as much, but she already figured things out I guess. She's really nice Robert, but I guess you know that, you've known her as long as I have."

"Yeah, well...I thought she was my friend, but I guess not," I huffed.

"Wait, you said you wouldn't get mad."

"I guess I lied," I said pulling ahead and walking faster.

"Damn it Robert, this is all your fault so don't go blaming me."

"OH, sure it's my fault that you made me fall in love with you and then you screwed Evelyn," I screamed.

"I didn't screw her," he said looking angry, "but I might. Why shouldn't I? That's what boys do, they screw girls."

"And not other boys...right?"

"I didn't say that," he mumbled.

"No, but you were thinking that. You think what we did was wrong or sick or something, don't you?"

"No, I don't think that. You're the one who's saying that. I liked what we did and I would still be doing it...if it wasn't for you."

"Oh, so now it's back to being my fault. You know what, I've changed my mind."

I'm not sure what I saw in his eyes when I said that, but maybe there was a little glimmer of hope or excitement, but it disappeared when I finished what I had to say.

"Yeah, I've changed my mind. I don't think we can be friends anymore. I don't want to hang out with you or walk to school with you or eat lunch with you or even talk to you. You got that?" I screamed as I walked away.

I expected him to run after me and argue with me, but instead he just stood there in the middle of the alley behind McCrory's and stared at me as I ran down the alley.

I ran all the way home, and I hated running, but that day it was as if my legs had a will of their own. I felt like I was fleeing from more than just Johnny or his words, I felt like I was fleeing from an old life and toward a new one. I could do this, I could break it off with Johnny and start this new year alone.

I wasn't aware that I was crying until I stepped in the back gate at home and slowed down. My face was wet with tears and I was sucking in air and heaving like I was dying. I crumpled over and just laid there in my backyard crying and hoping that no one found me before I could pull myself together.

As I lay there on the hard cold ground snow began to fall, slowly at first, but before long it really began to pile up. It collected on my eyelashes and covered my books which lay at my feet and a chill ran through my body.

My life was over, I was sure of it. The boy I loved didn't love me anymore and what was worse, he now had a girlfriend. There was nothing left for me but lonliness and dispair and at that moment I really didn't care if I lived or died.

I guess I might have laid there all night except after a while I ran out of tears and the cold was starting to get to me, so I picked myself up, dusted off the snow, grabbed my books and went inside.

"Where have you been son? I was starting to get worried. I was just about to get in the car and go looking for you," then seeing my condition she frowned, "What happened to you son, did you fall down?"

"Yeah, I slipped," I lied, "I'm cold and I'm gonna go change, maybe take a hot shower."

"That's a good idea. When you're dressed you can come have your snack."

A snack was the last thing I wanted, but I had to keep up appearances and mom would get suspicious if I didn't eat, but first I had to get warm and dry. I grabbed some sweat pants and a tee shirt and went to the bathroom and stripped off my wet clothes and threw them on the floor.

My skin was red and a little numb from the cold, but the shower soon warmed me up and despite myself I began to feel better. I took my time, enjoying the feel of the warm water on my body and before long I was feeling more relaxed and ready to face mom.

I dried off quickly and pulled on the sweats and tee, not even bothering with underwear. I hung my wet things on the shower bar like a good boy and my underwear and socks on the side of the tub and went into the kitchen for my snack.

Mom had a piece of cherry pie and a glass of milk on the table and I sat down and took a bite. I was surprised that I had an appetite after all that happened, but I ate every bite and washed it down with the milk just as mom slid in across from me.

"Robert, your father and I have been patient with you, but we know something is going on with you and Johnny. We were hoping you would eventually tell us, but we've begun to think you never will," she sighed then continued

"I was in Safeway the other day and ran into Johnny's mother and we got to talking about you two boys and well..."

Oh no, I thought. I had never thought about what Johnny might have told his folks about why we weren't spending so much time together, but I assumed he'd make up some really good lie. I was on the edge of my seat waiting to hear what mom had to stay.

"She said Johnny had been moping around for weeks and when she asked him what was going on he just told her nothing was wrong and got more upset. Now, she may not be as sensitive to you boys as I am, but she knows something is wrong, she just doesn't understand what."

"Uh, what do you mean?"

She sighed and for a minute I thought she was going to give up, but no such luck.

"Look son, I may not understand exactly what's going on, but I do know things aren't right. You and Johnny used to be inseperable. Now, he hardly ever comes around and when we ask about him you clam up and act mad or upset. You tell us you didn't have an argument, but it sure looks that way to me. Something major, but I can't imagine what could be that bad that you two had such a falling out."

"Mom, it's no big deal..."

"You say that, but it seems like a big deal to us, and apparently Johnny's mother thinks so too. I doubt his dad has noticed, or cared, but that's just how he is."

"Why can't you just believe me when I say there's nothing wrong?" I whined.

"Because you have been a sad and miserable little boy lately and it doesn't take an expert to figure out why. It's because you miss Johnny. Now look, I don't need to know everything that went on, but at least admit that there's a problem, for now that will be enough. Then eventually when you feel ready, we'll discuss it and see if we can come up with a solution."

"So if I tell you there's a problem, you'll drop it?" that was what I heard anyway.

"For now."

"Okay, there's a problem. Are you happy?" I said smirking, dangerously close to sassing. And if dad had been there I wouldn't have gotten away with it, but mom was easier.

"No, I am not happy young man and neither are you. Now I want you to go to your room and think about what's really wrong and if you can't come up with a solution, then I want you to consider letting us help you."

"Yes ma'am," I muttered, then I got up and put my dishes in the sink and went to my room.

I fell onto my bed and thought about what to do. I couldn't tell mom and dad what was really going on, but I had to think of something to get them off my case. I could tell them that Johnny had done something really bad, so bad I couldn't stand to be around him anymore, but that was stupid because I knew my mom would surely tell his mom and then Johnny might get into trouble for no reason.

I thought about my problem till dad got home and I still hadn't come up with a good idea. I ate dinner barely saying a word, then did my homework and went to bed, but I still hadn't come up with a solution to my problem. I was considering telling the truth when it suddenly dawned on me what I needed to do.

I mulled it over all night and worked it out in my head and by morning I had a pretty good idea of what I would say. On the way to school that day I rehearsed what I would say and all through the day I refined it even more.

Avoiding Johnny was easier that day because he must've been doing the same thing to me. In fact except for in the classes we shared I didn't see him at all. He didn't even sit with us at lunch, and instead sat with a bunch of older boys that had sort of a reputation as being bad boys and that only made my story seem that much more believable.

"What's up with Johnny?" Gerald asked, "You two need to get over whatever it is and shake hands and go back to being friends."

"What's it to you?" I said angrily.

"Whoa, don't get mad at me. I just don't like it when you two fight."

"We're not fighting. We just don't hang out anymore, that's all."

"Since when?" Walter said, "you two are like brothers only closer, and because of you guys me and Donnie got together." he said blushing.

"Well, that was then, this is now," I said lamely, "But just remember guys, nothing lasts forever," I said grabbing up my tray and standing up, "someday you'll know what that feels like."

I left the cafeteria and went straight to the bathroom and shut myself in the back stall and just sat there and trembled for the next ten minutes. When I had finally pulled myself together I washed my hand and face and went out to face the world once more.

~~~~~0~~~~~

Mom and dad were seated on the other side of the table and Mikey was in his high chair eating Cheerios when I finally told them my lie. I'd rehearsed it over and over and was sure it was perfect, but I had to get it all out first and not let them get me off track with questions.

"Okay, I'm ready to talk now..to tell you what's been going on, but I need you to promise one thing."

"What's that son?"

"That you will let me tell the whole thing before you ask any questions or interrupt me."

Both of them nodded and I began.

"Well, first of all I want you to know that I still like Johnny. He's like my brother I guess, and we've known each other like forever and we've always been so close. But things change as you get older, you guys should know that." I stopped for dramatic effect, then went on, "So anyway, I guess it was only natural that eventually we started liking other people and making new friends." I looked at them to gauge their reaction so far, but it was hard to tell what they were thinking.

"And not every friend we make is gonna be someone we both like, right?" they nodded and I knew I had their attention, "In fact some of the friends we make might not even be....well, the kind of friends we should be hanging around with." I could see dad was itching to say something, but they'd promised to let me finish and so I plowed on.

"So anyway there's these boys, some of them are older and play football and stuff and well...some of them have sort of a bad reputation. And well, Johnny has made friends with those guys and they're sort of hanging out now. We talked about it and I told him I didn't want to hang out with them, on account of their reputation, but he said I was wrong and that were good guys. So, I guess we sort of had an argument about that. So I finally decided it was his business and as long as he didn't bring them around when he was hanging out with me that it was okay for him to have them as friends. But lately he's been spending more time with them at school and even other times." This part was sort of tricky because if they asked his folks about these new friends my lie might not hold up, but I had to keep going now that I'd started.

"So anyway, I finally decided that he had to chose between them or me. I know that sounds unfair, but these guys are bad news and I didn't want to have to worry about being around them or Johnny getting into trouble and causing me to get into trouble too."

"So we finally decided that we weren't going to be friends any more." I said that with just the right amount of emotion in my voice, plus my lip was quivering, but that was pretty easy since I felt awful for real.

"So, I guess we won't be hanging around together anymore. I know it seems like I've been hiding all this stuff from you, but I was hoping Johnny and I could work it out on our own. I guess we did, but maybe it didn't turn out like we wanted."

"Are you done son?" dad said stirring in his seat.

I nodded. I was terrified they could see right through me and I hated lying to them, but I just couldn't tell them the truth.

"First of all, I want to tell you how proud of you we are for standing up for yourself and not being pulled into something that might get you into trouble. I've always thought Johnny was a little rougher than you and that he might want to associate with boys more like him. Now I'm not saying Johnny is bad, he has always been a part of our family and as far as we're concerned he is still welcome here.

Whether you two remain friends makes no difference, he is still welcome in our house and I hope you can respect that."

I nodded and gave them a sad smile.

"Now, as to this other thing, these bad friends that Johnny has taken up with. Have you tried to tell him how you feel about that? Did you make it clear that you were worried about him and didn't want him to get in trouble?"

"Yes sir, but he kept defending them and saying I was being silly."

He nodded, "Well, maybe these boys aren't as bad as you think they are son. I know you were raised a certain way and you may not agree with everything some other boys who were raised differently might do. Can you tell me what kind of things they do that you feel bad about?"

Oops now I had to make up some new stuff. "Well, I don't know for sure...but I've heard that some of them smoke and..um, drink beer and pick on the younger kids." Chances were at least one of two of them were guilty of those things, since that was typical bad boy stuff.

"I see, well...I certainly don't want you get involved in those kinds of things. I'm proud of you for recognizing right from wrong and for trying to get Johnny to recognize it too. But...Johnny has his own ideas about what is right and wrong and in the end has to make his own decisions. I'm sorry it's come down to this, but if that's what you two have decided...and you can live with it, then I guess we will have to live with too."

"Robert, honey," mom said giving me that look that only mother's can manage, "I have never heard such a bunch of complete bull crap in all my life."

I think dad was as stunned as I was at mom's outburst and her use of the word "crap" and it took us a minute to recover. I should have known I couldn't fool my mother. My dad was one thing and he evidently believed every word I'd said, but mom was going to pick my story to pieces and I didn't have a prayer. I'd be lucky if I didn't get a whipping when dad figured out what I'd just done.

"First of all, Johnny is not the kind of boy who would hang around with a bunch of hoodlems. I have known that boy since he was in diapers and he's as good inside as any boy I know. He loves you like a brother and I know you feel the same way too. We love him like a son and we'd know if he was up to no good. Now, I'm going to give you one more chance to tell us the truth and then...well, let's not go there because I know you're going to tell us the truth now."

"Yes ma'am," I said realizing there was no way out and that my life was over. How could I have been so stupid as to think I could lie to my folks and get away with it. It would have been better to just keep quiet and let them keep asking questions forever.

Mom got up and got us something to drink and when we were all settled again I began again, this time telling the truth, well not everything. I couldn't tell them I had been having sex with Johnny since we were 11 and that we were boyfriends. That would be too much and I couldn't imagine what they would think of me afterwards. No, that part would have to stay our secret.

"So let me get this straight, you and Johnny broke up your friendship because of Evelyn?" Dad said looking completely confused, "When I was your age we encouraged our friends who found girlfriends and made them tell us everything. Oh, we used to tease the heck out of them, but we were just jealous. But we stayed friends. I mean friendship is one thing, but romance is another."

I thought I saw a glimmer in mom's eyes and I looked away, afraid I'd give myself away.

"Is it that you liked Evelyn too and you feel like Johnny took her away from you?" My dad asked trying to rationalize my actions.

"No sir, but it's weird since Evelyn has been our friend for so long. If it had been another girl..."

"Aww..I see. Well, I could see how that might be awkward, but Evelyn is a cute girl and Johnny is a handsome boy and I think they might make a good couple."

I gritted my teeth and tried not to tell him how stupid I thought he was.

"Carl, you just don't understand how hard this is for Robert. He's losing his best friend to a girl and a girl that he's been friends with almost all his life. It's got to be very confusing and troubling for him."

I nodded, "Yeah, like I said if it wasn't Evelyn...and if he'd found some other girl..." I said lowering my head.

"Well, I'll be honest son, I think you're making too big a deal of this. These type of romances don't usually last for long. They're silly school boy crushes and both of them are too young to really be serious. I give it a couple of months and then Johnny will be back trying to be friends again. And in the meantime, maybe you should try to find some gal you'd like to hold hands with," he chuckled then and ruffled my hands.

If only he knew that I'd already done lots of hand holding, kissing, and just about everything else two people can do together, and not with a girl. How could I tell him that girls didn't interest me, and I only liked boys, and one boy in particular. There was no way dad would understand.

"Robert, honey...why didn't you tell us this before? " mom said looking a little more sympathetic than she did a few minutes before.

I shrugged, "At first I didn't think it was such a big deal, but the more I thought about it the harder it was to stay quiet, and when I tried to talk to him about it, he'd just get mad and I guess I just finally decided that he didn't want to be friends any more since he had a girlfriend."'

She nodded, but something in her eyes said she still wasn't buying all of what I was telling them.

"I think we should have Johnny over for dinner some night," she said looking thoughtful.

No...no...no, I thought. If mom started in on Johnny she'd hear a whole lot different story from him than she heard from me and I'd be in worse hot water than I was. Lying was never a good thing when it came to your parents and I'd just dug myself a hole I couldn't climb out of.

"I...uh, don't think that would be very good...not right now," I said trying not to sound panicky.

"Oh, and why's that?"

"Well, I mean...I'm still sort of mad at him and I'm not sure I would be very good company."

"Mildred, maybed the boy is right. The wound is till fresh, let's let things settle down first."

"I suppose we can wait a while. Now, we need to decide what to do about that fact that you made up that horrible story and lied to us. Your father and I will discuss it and see what we come up with, but for right now I want you to go straight to bed...no comic books, no radio. I want you to think about what you've done and why it was wrong."

"Yes ma'am," I said lowering my head in shame, "I'm really sorry...I was just so upset and so ashamed...of how I was handling things."

My dad smiled, "No need to be ashamed of your feelings son. They are what they are. I know some fathers might say that it showed weakness to have those kind of feelings, for your friends I mean, but I'm proud of you for being such a kind and loving boy."

Okay, that did it. The waterworks started then and since dad was closest he was the one who pulled me to him for comfort. I didn't mean to get so emotional, but my dad had just said it was okay to feel those things and one thing led to another and well...let's just say I let go of a lot of things that I hadn't planned on.

"I just miss him so..ooo..much," I sobbed, "he was...was, my best friend and I miss him."

If dad was upset or surprised he didn't show it, he just kept hugging me and kissing the top of my head and rocking me like he did Mikey sometimes. Mom was holding Mikey or she might have pulled me away from dad cause she was looking like a momma tiger who was trying to get to her cub.

"I thought I could handle it, but I just can't. I told Johnny we couldn't be friends anymore and that...and that I couldn't be Evelyn's friend either."

Dad looked at mom and she gave him one of her "we'll discuss this later" looks and somehow managed to swap Mikey for me and before I knew what was happening she was ushering me off to my room.

She turned back my bed and I fell into it and wiped at my eyes, "I'm really sorry mom. I guess I'm not as good a kid as you and dad thought. I can't even tell the truth when it comes to my feelings. I just...I just don't know what to do mom."

"Shhh...it will be all right. I understand. I'm not saying it was all right to lie about what was going on, but I do understand why you might have felt like you had to." She was quiet for a few minutes during which time I sniffed back my tears and tried to pull myself together.

When she spoke again it was in a soft and tender voice.

"I think I've known for some time how you and Johnny really felt about one another. I know boys get crushes on other boys and I guess I thought it might be something like that. Girls get crushes on other girls too, but then girls are just more...oh, romantic I guess.

Then I started watching you two boys when you were together and you didn't think I was looking. I wasn't spying, and I would never violate your privacy, but as a mother I see things...maybe more so than your father does. Although he did tell me about the kiss."

While she let that sink in and I must've turned three shades of pale. I was ready to die at that point. All that was left was digging the hole and tossing the body in.

"Before you go getting all upset, you father thought it was cute. He only told me about it because he thought you might have been afraid of what he thought and he wanted to know what he should do. I told him to ignore it and pretend he didn't see a thing and I guess it worked."

"I...it was just...a joke..." I said lamely.

"If you say so dear, but there have been other things, once or twice when I'd check on you at night I'd find you all snuggled up together. Sleeping like an old married couple," mom actually smiled at that.

"I...well, I guess when we're asleep we might just, you know do stuff we don't know about..." then I blushed. Oh, we knew all about the stuff we did, but did she?

She smiled again. "Robert, I'm not saying what you two boys were doing was bad. I'm not saying you were doing anything sinful or sick or anything like that. I only know what I saw and don't think I need to know more. What I am trying to say is...I understand how hard this must be for Johnny to suddenly abandon you for someone else, and that it's a girl must make it even worse."

"Am I sick mom?" I said softly, "because I like Johnny so much?" I said starting to tear up again.

"No dear, you're not sick. You're just a very sensitive and sweet boy and when you give someone your love you give it all, you don't hold back. I have always thought that in some way...well, that your feeling were a bit more tender than most boys, but that's not a bad thing. It's just who you are, and you're fine just how you are. I wouldn't want you to change, I love you for who you are and you're my sweet, sweet, baby boy," she said wrapping me up in her warm embrace.

I cried some more then and I guess I finally cried myself to sleep because I don't remember anything more that night. I found out later that she and dad had a long talk that night, after mom left my room, but I never knew exactly what was said. All I know is that I was never made to feel bad about what had happened or who I was and I didn't even get punished for lying. I guess they figured I'd been punished enough by what had happened with Johnny.

End of Chapter 16

What's to happen to the boys now that they are no longer bf's? Will Robert eventually move on and find someone to replace Johnny, or will he just keep hoping that someday things will change and Johnny will return to him? Whatever happens, life goes on and in the next chapter we'll see how both of the boys deal with the breakup.

Thanks once again for your support over the years and I value your emails and your input. Please address all emails to kewl_dad1@hotmail.com I promise to answer all of them in a timely fashion.

1-01-18

Kewl Dad

Happy New Years

I have updated my story list if you see any missing please let me know.