Date: Wed, 23 Jun 2004 10:14:09 -0400 From: Jeff Wilson Subject: W.A.R. Part 6 - Chapter 1 W.A.R. Part Six -- Commencement Chapter One -- The Church Incident by Jeff Wilson "Hey, boy, can you give me a hand with this bag before you go?" Dad asked as I was heading to the door. I stopped and grumbled a little bit, but hurriedly grabbed my dad's overnight bag and walked with him out to his truck. "You sure you don't want to go along, boy?" He asked as I placed the bag in the back seat of the truck. "Nah..." I replied. "Brett and I are going to go out. Besides, it's never the same when Mr. Nicholson and Donnie go up there." "Billy... I just want to tell you... I love you." Dad said. "Of course you do." I laughed. "I'm a lovable guy. I'll see you later, dad." I quickly headed toward the backyard toward the path to Brett's house. "Goodbye, Billy." Dad said as he walked back toward the house. I was just about to turn around and offer to go along when I woke up. I always woke up before I could change my mind and go with him. If I'd have known... If I'd have realized that that was going to be the last time I ever saw him... But instead, I always woke up and the real world came crashing back. I looked at the clock... 6:00. Might as well get up, I thought to myself. I flipped my feet out of bed and stood up. I stretched the sleep out of my arms and scratched my chest and belly. The slightest trace of hair led from my belly button downward. It was hard to believe that I was two weeks away from turning eighteen and I was still almost hairless. I couldn't grow hair on my face to save my life, while Brett insisted on growing a beard. I think he was just doing it because he knew that I hated it, plus it was the scraggliest beard in Pennsylvania. He looked like an Irish Quaker. I slipped on a pair of boxers and headed to the bathroom to shower. I was way too thin. I was down to 140 pounds on a five foot, eleven inch frame. My ribs were poking through and my muscles had disappeared. I couldn't help it though. I was never hungry. I would eat a little bit and then just totally lose my appetite. Mom wanted to send me to a doctor to get checked out. She was constantly telling me to eat but I just couldn't. I knew it wasn't good for me but I couldn't help it. I think my hair was the heaviest part of me. I hadn't had it cut since my... since May. And now here it was December and it was still uncut. My ears and forehead had disappeared long ago, and even though it tickled my neck, I just didn't care. One interesting thing about it was that the longer it got, the blonder it got. I thought that was an interesting development, considering it had been slowly turning brown since I was twelve. When I stuck my head under the water to wash my hair, I felt like a drowned dog. My hair fell past my eyes when it was wet. I don't know why I was letting it go like that. I always hated long hair on Brett and Dustin, and yet here I was letting mine go all over. I finished my shower, brushed my teeth, wrapped a towel around myself and opened the door. I just about walked into him. "Good morning, Will." He said way too cheerfully. "Hrmph." I replied, pushing my way past him and into my room. I slammed my door behind me and threw my towel on the already messy floor. Piles of clothes and papers were the norm in my room lately. I picked up a pair of underwear off a pile, sniffed it, and then threw it back on the pile. I found a pair of boxers I'd only worn twice since I last washed them and slipped them on. Then I picked up a shirt that I'd stained with pizza yesterday and threw it on. I put on a pair of shorts that had previously been pants. Then I sat on my bed, found the remote control for my stereo and hit play. The strains of Metallica filled my room and any adjacent rooms as well. I knew they hated it, and that's why I played it so loud. Nothing like "Master of Puppets" to get their Sunday morning started off right before they headed off to church. As expected, there was a knock on my door. I flung myself out of bed and opened up my door. "What?" I practically spat. "Turn that crap down before I turn it off permanently." Mom replied. "What if I don't?" What are you going to do about it? I'm almost eighteen now." "You may be eighteen, but you're still living under our roof." "Dad paid for it." I said defiantly. "Besides, it's more my roof than his roof anyway." Before she could reply to that, I slammed my door on her and lay back down on the bed. The door opened back up and mom hit the stop button on the cd player. "William Aaron, I have repeatedly told you to knock it off. I know that he's not your dad. And he's not trying to take his place! No one could ever do that. But I will not tolerate you treating him the way you have. You have been horrible ever since David moved in with us and I have just about had it." I hit the play button on my remote control and music blasted back out of the stereo before she hit the power button and turned it off permanently. "Hey, I was listening to that!" I said angrily. Mom gave an aggravated groan. "You are such an obnoxious little monster." She said in frustration. "What would your father say if he were still here?" That was it. "Don't you dare talk about him! You couldn't wait to bring in your new guy after he died! What did you wait for, a month? Jesus Christ, dad wasn't even cold before you brought in that son of a bitch." Mom slapped me hard for that one. Seriously, she'd hit me once or twice in the last year or so, but she really put some effort into that one. It was one of those slaps where it wasn't so much of a slapping sound as a thud. I felt a jolt sting through my eye socket where it had been broken five years ago. "William Aaron..." She said through her teeth, "Get dressed. Put on something clean for once. You are going to church and that is final. And if you say no, then don't expect to get back in the house the next time you leave. Understand?" I stared back defiantly at her, but she was furious with me and I thought that she might just be serious this time. I pulled my shirt off and threw it on the floor. "Do you mind, or are you going to watch me change my fucking clothes?" I said, scowling at her. "Five minutes. And for heaven's sake get a haircut." Mom said as she walked out of my room and slammed my door. I hit the power button on my stereo and started up Metallica again, this time even louder than before. I rubbed my sore eye and was surprised that there was wetness on my finger when I pulled it away. I rubbed the other eye and went back to searching for something clean to wear. I found a pair of black pants and a grey pullover that I slipped on and headed out to the living room. I sat on the couch and turned on the television. David came out and sat in the chair that had taken the place of dad's old chair. I held back the urge to punch him in the face. I could already hear Brett when I told him about my fight with mom later. "Billy, why do you have to do shit like that?" He'd say. "Billy, why are you being such an asshole? She's hurt too you know." I blocked him out when he'd start on me like that. He didn't know what I was going through. Nobody knew. "You left that noise on in your room." Mom said as she walked into the room. I shrugged. I got my coat and pushed my Pirates ball cap down onto my head. "You're not wearing that." Mom said. Oh, if looks could kill. I was pissed. I took the hat off and threw it across the room, then stormed out to the car. In a minute or so, Dave and mom entered the car. "My head is cold." I said, still pissed off. "Would you shut your damn mouth!" Mom said angrily. I got her to swear... Mission accomplished. "You don't have to swear at me. And I don't think it's very polite to tell me to shut up." I said smugly. "Oh, polite! You? Talking about being polite? That's a laugh! I can't remember the last time you acted the least bit polite to anyone!" Mom said. "I'm polite to people who don't swear at me and tell me to shut up." I said. "Have I even been anything but polite to you, Dave?" David, to his credit, didn't say anything because he knew he was screwed either way. If he took my side, mom would be mad at him. If he took mom's side, then he knew that I was going to treat him like the fucker that I thought he was. The fact was that I really had been polite to him, I thought. Sure, I hated his fucking guts, but I wasn't rude or anything to him. I just didn't want anything to do with him. He wasn't my dad. He was just a guy who married my mother. He meant nothing to me. We pulled into the parking lot and everyone got out of the car. My hair kept my head warm but I still complained that my head was cold. A strong wind picked up and there went any neatness that my hair had. That was one thing about short hair that I had never realized. It's almost impossible to keep long hair looking neat. Mom and Dave greeted the people as they walked toward the door of the church. I saw a couple of people that I knew from school. One of them came up to me. "Hey, Billy. Didn't expect to see you today." He said. "Me neither." I replied, secretly hoping that he'd go away. "What brings you here today?" He asked. I pointed my thumb toward my mother. "Oh... I guess we've all been there at some time or another. Well, see you later." I was not going to be a happy camper. I was being dragged along today and I wanted everyone to know that I wasn't happy. I usually stayed at home when mom and Dave went to church. It was a chance to be alone for a while. But every once in a while mom insisted that I go along. It was rare when dad was around. But as time went by she was insisting more and more and I was hating it more and more. It didn't help that it seemed that every time I went the preacher managed to throw in a few cutting shots at me in his sermons. No, maybe not directly at me, but at gay people in general, and that included me. The service began and there were the usual songs and scripture readings and all that fun stuff. Then there was the sermon and the usual "gay people are causing the downfall of our society" portion of that. Then came the chance for the people of the congregation to give their praise and witness moments. Now I had been to the church enough to know that there were certain people who always had something to say during this time. Even if it was "The sun came up today, Glory to God!!" And indeed, the usual people did their usual standing and usual praising. They talked of various blessings that God had given them, among them someone being happy that they had traveled safely to Pittsburgh and someone being able to pee without pain again. I was just about to fall asleep went mom raised her hand. "I would just like to thank everyone who has been praying for us this past year. I don't know how I would have made it through the last year without all of your prayers and for David." I wanted to puke when she said that. "This has been especially hard on Billy this year and I want to thank those of you who have been praying for him." I looked down at my feet, but I could still feel eyes on me. "He's been going through so much, and your prayers have sustained him. I... I also want to thank you for praying with me the other night for guidance. I know now what has to be done. For years, I've denied my intuition, but I realize now that it was God's voice I was denying." Now I was confused. I stopped looking at the floor and looked at her. What was she blathering on about now? "I want to thank Pastor Carl for his tender guidance as I've come to face the fact that my Billy needs the Lord now more than ever. Billy, I know what you've been going through. I know that you're in a lot of pain. And I haven't been the best mother in the world... But I needed you to be here today to tell you that I understand. You can come to me and talk to me. We need to stop fighting with each other and come to t he Lord for forgiveness. You need to stop your fornication with Brett and be forgiven." "What?!?!?" I shouted involuntarily. Instantly, I felt the stare of every single person on me. "It's okay Billy. I know what you're going through and with God's help, we're going to get through it." Mom said. "I can't believe you!" I shouted. How could you be so... So fucking stupid!?!?" I heard the gasps of several people, and the murmuring began. "Billy, I'm only trying to help you. We all are." "By outing me in front of the whole town?!? What kind of moron are you? No, you know what, I'm done with this shit. You don't give a rat's ass about me and you sure as hell didn't care about dad! All you care about is yourself! Yourself and how these people think of you! You know what? If these people are all you care about, then that's all you're going to have." I stormed out of the building and started walking home. I made sure to take a way that I wouldn't be found. I made it home long after church would have ended, and I figure that they were more concerned with "counseling" mom than they were about me. I tore off my black pants and pullover. I put on some different clothes. I packed up some of my other clothes and belongings in a bag and then walked out of the house. I wasn't sure where I was going to go, but I sure wasn't going to stay there anymore. ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ Well, W.A.R. is back for the final part of the story. We've moved ahead to The December of Billy's senior year. As you can see, things have changed radically in the time after the end of the last part. George indeed has passed away. The impact of his loss has devistated Billy and torn up his family. Seven months have gone by since George's death, but Billy has yet to fully come to grips with it. I did not decide to have George die hap-hazardly, but have planned from the beginning to deal with this subject. Some of my on-line friends know my personal reasons for this. Just know that I have my reasons for this direction in the story. We've covered some tough issues together in this story; death, abuse, pregnancy, violence against kids, pregnancy, and even suicide. I'm not one to shy away from the controversial issues if you're willing to come along with me for the ride. Part Five was pretty dark in some places, and so is Part Six. But I think you'll have a good time along the way. Business things! I have a group you can join to get the chapters early: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/squirrelwriter Also, I'd love to hear from you if you have email! Here's my addys: vicioussquirrel@hotmail.com OR jkwsquirrel@yahoo.com Next Chapter - We'll find out what Billy's going to do now that he's decided to run away.