Date: Wed, 08 Dec 2004 02:19:04 -0500 From: Jeff Wilson Subject: WAR - Part Six Chapter 10 W.A.R. Part Six - Commencement Chapter Ten -- The Outcasts by Jeff Wilson It was hard to sit in class on Monday and seeing that empty chair in so many classes. It was a pain having to keep telling people over and over that yes, Brett broke his leg and wouldn't be back to school for six weeks. Girls constantly were telling me to give him their best. Boys kept asking me how it happened. Teachers kept giving me his homework. With only four months of school to go, there was no point in hiring a tutor or anything. They just gave me his assignments to give to him. Dustin hadn't said much when I picked him up that morning. Brett and his mom had let me borrow his car while he was unable to use it. Dustin had just got in and sat there quietly all the way to school. When I got to talk to him and Emily at lunch, I asked him about it. "You realize what happened, don't you?" He said in between picking away at his food. "He hit that stupid burned up stump. And he hit the same tree that you found me." "Whoa... I didn't even realize... You're right!" I said. "Well, that tree's not there anymore." Dustin said. I looked at Dustin as he continued picking away at his lunch. "You mean you went out and chopped it down?" Dustin just kept on eating, but there was a slight smile on his face. "You mean your mother trusts you with an ax?" Emily asked. "I used a chainsaw." Dustin said. "Oh dear god." Both Emily and I replied. "What?" Dustin asked. After lunch, the day continued with the same boring boringness that had filled the morning. I was so ready to be done with school. Twelve years of sitting in stupid little desks getting A's was finally starting to get to me. I never thought about how boring school was when I could look at Brett from time to time. The thought of him not being there for two months was depressing. Even Miss Winston's class seemed to last for hours. Sarah Taylor was even more smug and obnoxious than ever. She still did all her work, but she was such a bitch to Miss Winston and to everyone in the class. I could hear some of the other kids getting more and more frustrated in the weeks since she had gotten her grade changed. There was such a bitchiness coming from her now that some kids had come to me and told me that they wanted me to crush her for valedictorian. Kids can only stand a bitch for so long. After class was over, Sarah smugly walked out first, with the general consensus being that we were glad to see her go. Others filed out until only Miss Winston and I remained. She gathered up a few articles while I gathered up my books and such. Since Brett wasn't in that class, I didn't have to worry about getting a pile of work for him, but I still wanted to talk with her. "Why do you let her do that?" I asked. "Do what?" Miss Winston asked. "She's steamrolling you. Everybody knows it." "Billy, there are events in play that you don't understand here." "What, her daddy wants her to be valedictorian even if he has to steal it for her? Everybody knows that already." "If it were that simple... It's not just John Taylor. Billy, you don't realize just how controversial you've become..." "Me?" I exclaimed. "I'm not the one who turned in a paper two days late." "You don't think I know that? You don't think they know that? But that is meaningless now. That girl has a free pass now to the end of the year, and there are some people around here who will look for any reason to take you out of the picture." "But I didn't do anything." "Don't you get it? You don't have to do anything. You're gay. To them, you went from being a good, smart kid to a faggot, and you know it. This is exactly the kind of bigotry I thought I was making some headway with. But there is a level of hate growing in some people that is quite scary, actually. The kids in this school are much more accepting than the adults are. You're going to have to be perfect from here on out, and even then they are going to look for a way to take you down." "So just because I'm not a good little breeder there are people out there who are looking to fail me?" Miss Winston didn't answer, and that was all I needed to know. "God, what is wrong with people?" I stormed out of her room and headed to my locker, my attitude much more surly than before. I could understand if I didn't get top of the class because of something I did... LIKE NOT TURNING IN A PAPER ON TIME!!! But to have people out to make sure I didn't get it, just because I'm gay... That pissed me off. Now everywhere I looked, I saw people against me. I saw people talking. Talking about me, of course... "There's the guy who doesn't stand a chance because he's a fag." "There's Billy, the gay guy." "Hey, isn't that the boy who sucks guys' dicks?" "Hey queer ass! Come let me fuck your ass since you like it so much!" You know, just because you're a little bit different or you see things a little differently everybody wants to paint you a certain way. I'm not a guy who runs around looking for sex. Do I think about it? Well sure, everybody does. Does that mean that I'm going to throw away the best relationship I could every have? No! I could have probably had sex with somebody else by now. I know Brett could have. He's too cute and his personality is too magnetic. If not for me, he could have had all kinds of sex by now. But he's been loyal to me all this time, and I couldn't imagine being with anybody else. I was more committed than most of my fellow students. Joey couldn't keep his dick to himself and now he was gone. I know that Bobby had had about five different girlfriends. But because I fell in love with a boy instead of a girl I'M the bad guy. Why couldn't I just be normal? Needless to say I was in a bad mood when I met Dustin at the car after school. Dustin didn't have to worry about anything. Dustin was straight. Dustin was normal. He was going to be accepted and have kids and a nice little family. The weather had taken a cold turn and it felt like late February again. Too bad it hadn't been so cold over the weekend... Then Brett would have been able to be with me again. "So, are we going to go to help Brett's mom today?" Dustin asked. He crushed out his cigarette and got into the car. He kept his Steelers toboggan on because it was just as cold in the car as it was outside. "What do you care?" I snapped. He didn't have to worry, he was normal. Dustin raised his eyebrows. "What crawled up your ass?" I scowled. "You would say that! Just because I'm gay I must like sticking things up my ass. Fuck you." "No, fuck you, asshole! I'm sick of you taking everything out on me, Billy. Every time somebody pisses you off you take it out on me. Just because you're in a bad mood you don't have to bite my head off!" I just sat there staring at the road as I drove. I knew he was right, but that didn't make me feel any better. Dustin sighed. "Did you even listen to what I said?" "Yes. I'm sorry, alright. I'm fucking sorry. You don't understand, okay. You don't know what it's like to have people hate you for something that you had nothing to do with. I just found out that I'm going to get screwed out of valedictorian just because I'm gay and there's nothing I can do about it." "Well that sucks, but it still doesn't mean you get to be a dick to me." Dustin pulled out a pack of cigarettes and was about to light one. "Don't light that in Brett's car." I scolded. Dustin squinted angrily at me, but put the cigarettes away. "I didn't do anything. I'm just being who I am and because of that they're going to punish me. I don't even see where it's any of their business anyway." "People are just assholes. You think no one's noticed I've got these scars on my wrists? You don't think that people are ignorant enough to not notice? I had some guy the other day try to get to me because my dad's in jail. The jerk didn't know why dad's in jail. He just figured he'd be an ass." "I'm sorry." I said. "Why would someone make fun of someone's dad being in jail anyway? Even if it's for something like robbing a store or something, let alone what he did to me... " "People can be so stupid." I said. Dustin looked away from me out the window and I caught him wipe his eye and sniffle a little. It still really hurt him when he thought back to all that he went through. "So, are we going to Brett's? Dustin asked. "Yeah." I replied. As we were approaching Summit Drive, Brett's cell phone rang. Rather, it started playing that spooky music again. Dustin grabbed it, checked it, then answered it. "You seriously need to change the music on this thing." Dustin said. He listened a little bit, and I could barely hear Brett's voice coming through. I couldn't understand what he was saying though. "Yeah, we're heading to your house actually... I guess we're supposed to help your mom move some stuff down to... No. Yeah... Well, I guess... He's his usual cheerful self..." "What did he say?" I asked. Dustin ignored me. "I know... Yeah... Yeah... You really need to fuck him, he's getting bitchy." "Give me the phone, Dustin!" I said, grabbing for the phone. Dustin leaned toward the door away from me. All I managed to grab was the hat off his head, so I started to hit him with it. "What? No, I'm not going to do it just because you're on the injured list! I'm done with that kind of stuff." I snatched the phone away from Dustin and he laughed and laughed and put his hat back on. "Don't encourage him!" I said. I heard Brett laughing on the other side. "Well, with me being all banged up I figured you might need a little banging up too. And who better than Dustin?" "Oh shut up!" I said. "I heard from a reliable source that he's got a big dick." Brett said. "Brett!!" I said, looking at Dustin and hoping he couldn't hear. Dustin had gone back to looking out the window, and I found my eyes wandering southward for a brief second before snapping out of it. Actually, he really did have a big... err... Nevermind. "So, how was school?" Brett asked. "It sucked." I replied. "So it was normal then." Brett said. "You get my books and stuff?" "Yeah. I'm going to give them to your mom." "Cool. I'm going home tomorrow, so don't come here tonight. I already stopped taking that pain medicine." "Doesn't it hurt?" "Well, duh! But I'm not going to be some druggie." Brett said. Then he whispered, "I mean, look what those things did to Dustin. He tried to strangle you." "That was different." I said, giving Dustin a slight smile and nod as he had turned back to me. We were pulling into Brett's driveway. "I know. I just don't want to take any chances. Besides, it's just a sharp constant pain all through my leg and up my back right now. I just have to take the antibiotics since they don't want it to get infected or anything. I can't wait to get home. You know, it's impossible to jack off in this place. I'm used to regular usage of certain body parts. My nuts are about four pounds heavier from not using them." "Sounds interesting!" I said. "Well, we're at your house, so I'm going to let you go." "Okay." Brett said. "Thanks for helping out." "Of course." I said. "I love you." "I love you more." Brett said. "Bye..." "Does wookie-kins miss his wittle snickle-dums?" Dustin said in a sing-song voice. "Shut up, Sweet Little Dusty," I replied. Dr. Reilly was waiting for us when we entered the house. We moved Brett's computer down from his room, his pillow, his favorite blanket, most of his book collection, his video games, and a ton of other crap. Everything looked like it was going to be set when Brett came home the next day. Dr. Reilly fed us dinner and then Dustin and I decided to take one last peek around the room. About all that was left was his bed and empty bookcase. "Looks like everything will be set for him tomorrow." Dustin said. "Yeah." I replied. "You know, I was thinking about how stupid we were to each other. I was a real jerk sometimes, you know. I really am sorry about all the stuff I said about him and that." "I know you are." I replied. "He knows that too. He hasn't been the nicest guy to you either." "I don't know why we were such dicks to each other. I know I was jealous of him. But that doesn't excuse what I did." "Well things are different now." I said. "You guys just needed to get used to each other. You get along fine now." "You remember the time I beat the crap out of him down in the kitchen?" "Of course I remember." I said. How could I forget what Dustin had done to Brett that day? "I don't know why I did that." Dustin said. "I just snapped. Everything was falling apart. I had to take it out on somebody, I guess. I had every intention of punching him in the face when I walked over here. But it scared me when I snapped on him. I didn't mean to beat the shit out of him like I did... And then what I did to you back on your birthday... I just... I just wish I was normal like you." I laughed. "What?" Dustin asked. "I'm normal?" "Billy, if you weren't gay you would be the most boring kid in the world. You get good grades, you used to play baseball, you helped your dad and your grandma when they were sick... If you hadn't been gay you would have been a good little church kid with an occasional temper outburst. The only thing that keeps you interesting is that you picked a guy instead of a girl." "I didn't pick, Dustin." "Really? I did." "You're straight. You didn't decide. It's the way you are." "No, I chose. I admit it. Heck, I had fun playing around with Mike. I had more fun then than I do now with Em. It was fun back then. I never felt like he was using me. I used him, really. I could go to Mike today and tell him to I want to fuck and be perfectly happy doing it." "Well, you could, but that doesn't mean you would love him. It would just be sex. I mean, you can have sex with anybody and it doesn't necessarily mean anything. It's the love that makes it mean something. You more than anybody should know that. Your dad didn't rape you because he loved you, he did it because he was an asshole. If he had loved you he wouldn't have done it." "Well I don't love Emily." "What?" "I don't. She's like, a good friend and all... But I'm not like all in love and shit like that. I like her and all... But I wouldn't care if we broke up." "How can you say that? You've had sex together and..." "You just said that you can have sex and it doesn't have to mean anything. I mean... It's just fucking, Billy... You think that just because you're all happy and you found the only person you ever want to have sex with that everybody's like that?" "No, but I don't understand how you can treat it so coldly." "Well maybe after getting treated like a piece of fucking meat for two years you just don't give a fuck about love anymore!" Dustin said, his unemotional front slowly crumbling before me. "Dustin, come on..." "It's bullshit! Love is a joke. You're supposed to love your kids. You're supposed to take care of them. He should have taken care of me, Billy. He should have been nice to me. He was supposed to love me! But he didn't! He used me for a good time. 'I'm bored, guess I'll fuck the kid tonight.' And you wonder why I'm not all in love with Emily? What the fuck is love?" "Dusty..." I started. "I wish you wouldn't have found me, Billy. Why didn't you just let me die?" Dustin wiped his eyes and regained his fragile composure. "I'd rather be dead right now than feel like this. I hate everything." "You're not going to do anything stupid are you?" I asked. "You're the one who was stupid. I wish I would have died that night. I'd have been better off." "You would not have been better off. You'd be dead. You'd never have a chance to get better. You'd have never got to see them throw that piece of shit in jail for what he did to you. You'd wouldn't have been able to finally get the love you deserve from your mom. And Emily does love you, even if you don't realize it." "Oh wow... I would have missed so much." Dustin said sarcastically. "Well, if you'd have killed yourself I would have hated you for being a cowardly little bitch like Joey. You would have taken away my best friend away from me, and then you wouldn't have been here to help me when my dad died." "You have Brett." Dustin replied. "But I still need you, Dust. You're my best friend. Brett's my boyfriend, but you're like my brother." Just then Brett's cell phone started to ring. Dustin and I both looked at it, hooked on to my belt. Somehow, we both knew was calling. "Go ahead." Dustin said. "Answer." I looked at the number, and knew that it was his phone from the hospital that was calling in. I was stuck. I wanted to answer, but I knew if I did that Dustin would see it as losing to Brett one more time. "Well?" Dustin said, his icy blue eyes locked on my green ones. I unhooked the phone from my belt... And turned it off. Dustin raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Wow... Never thought you'd do that." "Dustin, I love Brett. But I love you too. In a different way, of course. But I do." Dustin stepped closer to me, and then did something he hadn't done in years. He hugged me. I stood there awkwardly for a moment, not sure what to make of him. His emotions were so volatile that he could have slugged me just as easily as hugged me. Finally, I lifted my arms and hugged him back. Dustin exhaled deeply, while I kept my eyes glued to the door. Convinced that Brett was going to hobble in at any second, wondering why I hadn't answered the phone. Sure I was just comforting a friend, but it just felt weird. Slowly, Dustin loosened his grip and pulled away from me. He smiled and then extended his hand to shake. I put my hand in his and returned the smile. "Thanks Billy..." "You're a special guy, Dusty. Don't ever forget it. You survived for a reason." "You're not going to tell anybody that I was up here crying like an idiot are you?" He asked. "I promise." I replied. And I really meant it this time. "Are you boys okay?" Dr. Reilly asked, peeking inside the door. Suddenly I felt like I'd been caught with my hands down Dustin's pants, even though we hadn't done anything. "We're okay." Dustin said. "I thought I heard yelling. Is everything all right?" She asked. "I think it's okay now." I replied. "We were just being idiots." "Well, okay." She said. "I think we've got everything we need to make him comfortable tomorrow. Thank you, boys." "No problem," Dustin replied. We finished up and I returned home, dropping Dustin off on the way. I arrived home to an empty house, which was a relief. I didn't think I could take another argument with mom that evening. As I expected, the answering machine was blinking. Brett, worried about me, no doubt. I pressed the play button. And listened as a strange voice came through the speaker. "George Roberts, you have been selected to receive a great benefits package from General Life Insurance Company! Don't leave your family unprotected..." "Oh shut the fuck up." I said and hit the delete button. "Assholes." Dad got more messages now than he did when he was alive. There was a beep and a second message... "Billy, it's Brett. Give me a call." I didn't figure he'd say much, since mom or Dave could have easily gotten the message first. I gave him a call on his phone and assured him that I was okay, did all my homework, and then went to bed after an exhausting day. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * The next chapter is already up! Check it out!