Date: Thu, 05 Aug 2004 14:59:19 -0400 From: Jeff Wilson Subject: W.A.R. Part Six, Chapter 5 W.A.R. Part Six - Commencement Chapter Five -- Out by Jeff Wilson "WAKE UP BILLY!!!" Dustin shouted as he crashed down on top of me. I was instantly awakened by Dustin's destructive greeting. I opened my eyes in time to see a hundred seventy pounds of mass come crashing down on top of me. I had no time to prepare for the results of the collision of Dustin's body and mine. So I ended up being squished like a grape. Dustin lay there on top of me for a moment, turning to face me with the biggest smile on his face that you could imagine. His hair was flat and combed neatly for a change, and the natural red and blond highlights blended together in a swirl of color. He lifted himself off me and allowed me to roll to the side of the bed. "Thanks for cracking my ribs, Dusty." I said, holding my chest in pain, but being unable to keep from grinning back at him. Dustin laughed. "The Dust-Buster strikes again. That always cracks me up. You should see the look on your face when you're scared! You're all like, 'ahhhh!' and your eyes get huge! It's hilarious. But, come on. You need to get ready for school. I got up early and showered already, so you can take your time. Oh, and when you finish I'll save you some cereal. You like frosted corn flakes?" "I guess." I said, still rubbing my sore ribs. "Cool." Dustin replied. He jumped up off the bed and headed to the door. "I only like frosted flakes. It's the only cereal I'll eat. Sure you have your regular corn flakes or your raisin bran flakes and things like that, but you can't beat frosted flakes. They're gr-r-r-r-r-eat!" I chuckled at Dustin's commercial imitation and pushed myself up off the bed. "What about Fruity Pebbles?" I asked. "Fruity Pebbles?!? What are you? Some kind of queer?" Dustin stared at me as if I'd just suggested that the sky is purple. "Fruity Pebbles... Fruity Pebbles is colored Rice Krispies with Fred fuckin' Flintstone on the box. Mom knows better than to bring that shit into the house." Dustin walked out of the room still shaking his head in disbelief. I wasn't used to sleeping with clothes on, and they were soaked with sweat. I pulled my shirt off and had just pulled my shorts off when Dustin peeked his head back into the room. "Hey... You know I was just kidding about the 'queer' thing right?" "Yeah, now get the fuck out of here and quit staring at me in my underwear, you homo." I said as I threw my shorts at him. Dustin left and I headed to the shower. I don't function properly until that water hits me in the morning. I washed everything quickly and used Dustin's shampoo, which made my hair smell funny. I dried off using the towel that Dustin or his mom had laid out for me, wrapped it around myself, and opened up the door. Mrs. Smith was in the hallway as I walked out. She looked surprised to see me, and who could blame her considering I was only wearing a towel. She looked me up and down quickly, told me I needed to eat more and to not get her floor all wet, then she told me to get a move on. I joined Dustin in the kitchen after I had dressed, and I ate some of his beloved frosted flakes. As we talked, a thought popped into my head. "Shit!" I said. "I left my school stuff at home." "What do you want me to do about it?" Dustin asked. Dustin was used to going to school unprepared. "I had everything in my bookbag, and I left it by the door and... Hey, how did you get that?" At just that moment, Mrs. Smith walked in carrying my bookbag. "Your mother brought it over after we talked." Mrs. Smith explained. "She wanted to make sure you had everything done." "I always have everything done." I replied. The sound of Brett's car horn interrupted our conversation. Dustin slurped the last of his milk from his bowl and tossed his bowl into the sink. His mom stopped him on the way out and gave him a kiss on the cheek, which he wiped off with the back of his hand. I dumped out the rest of my cereal into the sink and was about to leave when Mrs. Smith stopped me and made me clean the corn flakes out of her sink. I forgot that they didn't have a garbage disposal. I thanked Mrs. Smith for letting me stay and even gave her a kiss on the cheek, which made her smile and give me a hug. "You be careful today, Billy. You have any problems, you don't be afraid to come see me." She said, hugging me tightly while Brett's horn beeped again. I grabbed my stuff and ran out to Brett's car. Dustin was already relaxing in the back seat. "About time!" Brett said as he pulled out into the street in time to beat the school bus. "Well, I'm glad to see you survived." "Of course he survived." Dustin said indignantly. "I took good care of him. Real good care of him..." Dustin leaned up from the back seat and stroked my hair and shoulder as he said that. "Knock it off, frosted-flake-boy!" I laughed, shaking pushing his hands off me. "Well I'm glad you called me. You had me worried after the way you left. Oh dude, you should have seen it yesterday! Your mom and my mom were so fucking pissed at each other. They showed up like five minutes after you left, and your mom was all pissed off that you weren't there. And my mom was trying to get her to listen and your mom called her a manipulating whore. Then my mom called your mom a controlling, selfish bitch. It was fucking hilarious. But I don't think they're going to be having tea anytime soon." "Parents these days... Where do they learn it from?" I said. "Yeah. It was funny because David and I just sat there and watched them go at it. I think he was a little embarrassed by the way your mom was acting. You know, David isn't all that bad really." "Oh don't even start that again." I said. "He's not! Look, I know he's not your dad, but he's not trying to be. He's just his own person and he doesn't try to pretend that he's George." "I think he's an okay guy." Dustin chimed in. "Shut up, Dustin! No one cares what you think!" I said angrily. Dustin flipped me off and spent the rest of the trip sticking his knees into my back. When we got to school, I grabbed Dustin before he could walk away. "Hey, you know I was just kidding about not caring what you think, right?" "It didn't sound like you were kidding." Dustin replied. "Well I was kidding. And I do care what you think. I just think that David is a jerk and I don't know how you can say that he's not." "You only think he's a jerk because he married your mom. You never even gave him a chance. You just made up your mind that you were going to hate him and you expected everyone to agree with you. Well, I don't hate him. I don't like him as much as I liked your dad, but I don't think he's a bad guy. No one's going to look good compared to your dad." "You just don't understand." I said. "But we're cool, right Dusty?" "Yeah." Dustin replied. "I'm used to you being an asshole. It's part of your charm." As we walked into the school, I couldn't help but feel that something wasn't right. It seemed like conversations stopped and whispering began as we walked past people. Emily walked up to us asked to talk with us. "Guys, people are talking about you." She said. "What people?" I asked. "Everybody. Billy, everybody knows what happened in your church with your mom yesterday. I've heard people talking about it all over the place. I haven't said anything because I know you like to keep things quiet, but it's all over the place." I felt the blood drain from my face. I felt sick. I wondered if I could get out of school before they noticed that I was there. If people knew, what were they going to do to me? Would my friends hate me? Would someone try to beat me up because I'm gay? I just wanted to run away. "So people know." Brett said. "Good." "Good?!?!" I asked, trying to figure out how I was going to get home alive. "Yeah, good. So what people know now? I don't care. People knew before. Who gives a crap?" "How can you say that?" I asked. "This is terrible... People are going to beat us up. They're going to call us fags. They're going to kill us! My stupid mother and her big fat mouth." Brett looked at me and shook his head. He was up to something... But what? Had he figured out a way to escape? He looked over at a couple of girls, who were now whispering about something and looking at us. They knew. Everywhere I looked, I saw that people were talking or telling people who hadn't heard yet. Brett looked back at me and smiled. How could he smile at a time like this? We weren't going to make it out of the school alive!! We were doomed!!! Then Brett reached his hand behind my head, pulled me into him and kissed me right on the lips for a good ten seconds. Then he turned to the girls who were standing with their jaws hanging open. "There. Now you have something to talk about." Then he said he'd see me later, walked past me and headed to homeroom. He left everyone, including me, shocked that he would do something like that. "He's taking the news better than I expected..." Emily said. I walked to class and couldn't help but see every whisper. Every time somebody laughed, I knew it was me they were laughing at. Everyone who looked at me knew. They were going to wait until the proper time, and then "WHACK!!!!!" They were going to get me. I made it to my locker and half expected to see "FAG" spray-painted on it. But it was clean. Still, I opened it carefully and felt like everyone who passed behind me was getting ready to stick a note to my back that told people that I was gay. I walked into homeroom and found Brett laughing and talking with some of the boys. What was he thinking!?!?!? Didn't he know that at any second they were going to turn on him and stuff him in a locker?!?!? I sat down at my desk and held up my head with my hands on my forehead. My hair fell over my face and that was the way I planned on staying for the rest of the day. If I was going to get hurt, I didn't want to see it coming. I heard Brett sit down at his desk, next to me. "You mad at me?" Brett asked. "That was so stupid." I said. "You're going to get us both killed." "Oh lighten up. I guarantee that no one is going to care about what we do. Okay?" "Just leave me alone." I said, not letting him see my face. Brett got up and started talking with his other friends again. Friends for how long, though? That was the question... In every class, I kept expecting it to happen. The teacher was going to say, "Now, we all know that Billy's a dick licker, so I'm just going to turn around and let you boys have your way with him while I bring out the whips and chains and nachos..." But it never happened... Every time I walked down the hallway, I knew it was coming. Some football player was going to throw my helpless, one hundred thirty pounds against the wall and tell me to suck his dick. Or punch me in the face... Or rape me right there in the hallway! Or throw me in a garbage can!! Or god knows what ever else!!!! But that never happened either... In fact, despite the feeling of impending doom that I was feeling, no one threatened me. No one tried to hit me. No one told me to suck his dick or called me a fag. If anything, people were even nicer to me than usual. People who never talked to me before were saying hello. Girls were nice to me... It was the calm before the storm, I was sure of it. Then came gym class... Gym class, and with it, basketball. Now, I wasn't the world's best athlete. I was tall and I could run with the ball without bouncing it off my foot or tripping and falling down. But putting the ball in the basket was like trying to get a strike in bowling. It wasn't pretty. Dustin was excellent at the game. He was a natural athlete in just about any sport he tried. He was tall and strong and he'd knock you on your butt if you got in his way. Well after spending thirty minutes running back and forth across the gym, it was time to shower. Dear god... I had been dreading this moment since Brett's stupid kiss. We didn't always have to shower, but for basketball, you either showered or stunk the rest of the day. This was where I was going to die. I knew it. I'd be naked with twenty other senior boys. Boys who'd known me for all these years... Boys who were also going to be naked and wet... Boys who hadn't known until today about me!! I stripped off my shirt and shorts and walked carefully into the showers. Thinking about Amanda Smith to keep my favorite body part in line, I found an empty space and began letting the water flow over me. I flipped my hair back and let the water rain down on my face, trying not to notice that I was being joined at the next shower by the biggest, strongest person in our school. He was six foot four. He was two hundred seventy pounds of muscle and power. He was already signed up to go Penn State on a full football scholarship. He was, in fact a full grown man standing next to me, a kid who was half his weight. This was it... I was going to die before I reached my eighteenth birthday. "Hey Roberts." He said. Crap! He noticed me... "Hey Bobby." I replied, my voice cracking for the first time in years. This was it. Bobby Rush, my old friend, was going to be the one to finally be the one who killed me. "Rumor going around the school is that you and Reilly are queers." He said, and none too quietly either. I felt about three inches tall. "That's the rumor." I said, my voice reaching an octave I hadn't reached since I was twelve. I was going to die, I was sure of it. "It's true, isn't it? I always had the feeling that you two were humping each other." Oh dear god... My life was over. I was going to be a bloody stain on the wall when he was done with me. I couldn't say anything. I hadn't been so scared since the night I thought Dustin had killed himself. "Well..." I stammered. "I... I guess you might as well get it over with. You don't have to humiliate me before you kill me." "Kill you?" Bobby asked. Then he burst into laughter. Great, not only was he going to kill me, but he was going to enjoy it. "I'm not going to kill you, you fuck head. What you do in your private time is none of my business. Kill you... You really thought I was going to hurt you because you're gay?" "Well I..." "Jesus, Billy! I've known you since kindergarten! Nobody's going to do anything to you as long as I'm around. Because they know that if they try something that I'll whip their ass. And if anyone is dumb enough to try something, just let me know. I'll beat the piss out anyone who so much as looks at you cross-eyed. Understand?" I wasn't sure if he was talking to me or to the other boys who were listening to our conversation, but I nodded anyway. "Good. I'll see you later, Billy." Bobby finished his shower and walked out of the room, leaving everyone kind of quiet instead of the usual silliness in the showers. One by one, the boys all finished up and walked off until I was the only one left. I finished up and headed to Miss Winston's room. She was on her break, and knew why I was there to see her before I even opened my mouth. "I can't believe she did that do you." Miss Winston said angrily. "I take it you've heard." I replied. "It's all over the school. I talked to Brett a little while ago to find out if it was true. Why didn't you call me immediately? I would have been there." "And a big fight with my mom would have happened like it did with Brett's mom. And besides, there's nothing you could have done. The deed was already done. People were probably talking before I even got to my house yesterday." "She had no right to do that to you." "No she didn't." I replied. "But she did do it, and now people know that I'm gay. The cat is out of the bag. The air is out of the balloon. The condom has burst and the semen..." "Billy!!" Miss Winston interrupted. Well the point is, there's nothing I can do to stop it. We can't go and change it. So what the hell am I supposed to do?" Miss Winston smiled at me and put her hand on my shoulder. "You're supposed to go on with your life. Like you said, people know now. Some people will always hate you for that one reason. Some people will never accept you and will expect you to change. But you have friends, and you have me, and most importantly, you have Brett. Don't be afraid to get help when you need it, Billy." After talking with Miss Winston, and with Bobby earlier, I felt a lot better about the situation I was in. School came to an end without my being placed inside a locker, having anything written on my locker, not being killed or forced to suck anyone's dick. All of the things I thought would happen when people found out didn't happen. And I felt kind of silly about being so scared. I met up with Brett and Dustin at Brett's car after school. The ride home was unusually quiet. Dustin fell asleep in the backseat, and Brett and I weren't saying much. As we approached home, I saw a sign on the road ahead. "Can you turn here, please?" I asked. "What? That's out of the way." Brett said. "I need to do something." I replied. "Can you do this for me, please?" "Sure." Brett responded. Brett turned on to the road I as I asked him and then again as I directed him toward my destination. We entered a large park and Brett parked by a tree. Dustin stirred but didn't wake up. It was snowing now, not enough to make driving dangerous, but enough to turn the grass white. Brett and I walked through the grass and stopped at the tombstone. "I figured this was where you wanted to go." Brett said. I slipped my hand out of my pocket and placed it in his hand. Brett looked down at our hands and then at my face and smiled shyly. "We should have been able to do this all along." I said. "I'm sorry I was such a cowardly little idiot about things like this." "You don't have anything to be sorry about. I know I push you sometimes when you aren't ready." "It's stupid. People always say that what you do in private is your business, but Dustin and Emily can walk around holding hands all day and no one says anything. But if we do this in town then we're the bad guys. I want to be able to do things like this. I want to kiss you like we did this morning and not worry about what's going to happen because of it." "I thought you were mad that I did that." "I was mad because I thought you were going to get us into trouble, and it's so unfair that I just want to scream." Brett squeezed my hand a little harder. "I don't want to let go now." He said. "I don't want you to." I replied. "You know, we could stop having sex and I'd still be the happiest guy in the world if we could be like this all the time." "Whoa, whoa..." Brett laughed. "Let's not get all crazy about this not having sex nonsense." I laughed and kissed him on the cheek, feeling that damn beard scratching my face again. "You know what I mean. You're a nut sometimes, you realize that?" "You remember the first time we did it?" Brett asked, smiling brightly at me. "How could I forget? The best fifty seconds of my life up to that point." "I lasted longer than fifty seconds!" Brett protested. "It was at least a minute... But we were pretty bad at it back then. I was scared out of my mind when you said that you actually wanted to do it. I kept thinking, 'don't screw up, don't screw up!' the whole time." "Yeah... You know something? We're pretty lucky." Brett smiled. "We are. This was a tough year. But how many guys like us go through life and miss out on love because they're scared?" "I don't think I could have made it through this stuff without you, Brett. It still hurts to think about him. I can't believe he's gone." "Can I tell you something, Billy? I don't think it would hurt so bad if you would open up. I've been afraid to talk to you about him because I can see it hurts you. But I think that you are just hurting yourself even more by not talking." "But it hurts too much. Even standing here I feel like I'm getting kicked in the guts." "You remember the time he took us to McDonalds and I ate five Big Macs?" "What?" I asked. "Remember? You told me not to do it. He told me not to do it. But I did it just to prove you wrong." I laughed. "Yeah, and then you threw up on the way home. What are you trying to say?" "Well, sometimes you get an idea in your head and it seems good at the time but after a while you realize it wasn't a very good idea after all and then it hurts you. See?" "You have a weird way of explaining things, you realize that..." "I know. Just... Don't be afraid to talk about him. It's killing you. Did you eat today?" "Yeah. I had a sandwich at lunch." I lied. I really hadn't eaten anything at all since the half bowl of cereal at breakfast. "Okay. I miss him too, you know. I want to talk to you about him all the time. But I can't." "Do you ever wish you could talk to your real dad?" I asked. I knew that was a touchy subject with Brett, but as long as he was dragging me into uncomfortable topics... "Whoa..." Brett said, caught off guard by my unusual question. "Ummm... I don't know." He looked around at the tombstones without looking at me, a sure sign that he didn't like talking about it. "You know, I know he's not in jail anymore. He would have gotten out years ago. But he doesn't even know I exist. At least that's what mom said. He could be dead for all I know. All I have is a name and a picture." "You know his name?" I asked. "Charles Bryant." "So you would have been Brett Bryant?" "No. Shut up." Brett said, almost angry at the suggestion. "Do you wish you could talk to him, though?" I asked. "I'd like to know why he did what he did to my mom. I'd like to know who he is. All I've ever heard about him is what mom said. And she said he was nice before he took advantage of her when she was drunk. I don't think he's someone like Dustin's dad, I just think he fucked up." "I sure wish I could talk to him now." I said. "I don't know what I'm going to do when I get home." "Are you going to go home today?" "Yeah. It's my house as much as it's mom's. It's sure as hell more mine than David's. Besides, where else am I going to go? We're going to live together on our own someday, but let's at least get through high school first." I brushed the snow from dad's tombstone and fixed the flowers that had been placed there. "E. George Roberts?" Brett asked. "You mean he went by his middle name like me?" "Earl George Roberts, Jr." I said, not really paying much attention. "Why'd he go by George?" Brett asked. I stopped rearranging flowers and looked up at Brett. "Because my grandfather was a dick and slapped him around when he was a kid. So he started going by George after he left home and dropped the 'Junior' part of his name." "Wow..." Brett said. "I never knew that." "Well, now I've talked about him with you. You happy now?" I said, smiling. Brett didn't answer, he just looked like he was lost in thought about what we had talked about. We were interrupted by the blast of Brett car horn. We turned to see Dustin waving at us and pointing at his watch from inside the car. "Guess we better get going." I said. "Yeah." Brett said. "Where do you want me to take you?" "Home." "You sure?" "Yeah. I want to go home now." I replied. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Sorry for the delay. Real life got real hectic, and a little weird in some places too. Let's just say, I'm back, and if you want to know about what's going on, then feel free to ask! Next chapter, Will Billy manage to face his mom without blowing up? This is Billy we're talking about... What do you think?