Date: Sun, 06 Oct 2002 23:52:52 -0400 From: Jeff Wilson Subject: W.A.R. Chapter 8 Your Word of Warning: If you are a kid or a teenager you better not read this story because the boy in the story does things that you're not supposed to do. Oh what the hell... go ahead and read it! W. A. R. - Part One: Black Summer Chapter Eight -- The Real Fight with Dad By Jeff Wilson My dad was asleep in his chair. The television was turned to another western movie. He was always watching those things. I sat in a chair and looked at him. His glasses were still on, and he was dressed for work. He'd need to take a shower in the morning, as he looked pretty messed up. I wondered how much of that was my fault. "Dad, are you awake?" He just grumbled a little bit and turned to the side. He was out. I turned off the tv and went to my room. I didn't even bother to close the door. I just lay there on my back thinking. I thought about a lot of things. I thought about my grandma, and hoped that she'd get better. I thought about my mom and how hard it was for her to have to take care of everybody. I thought about my dad, and how he worked too hard. I thought about baseball and how I couldn't play anymore. I thought about how many pencils I might be able to stick in my ear. I thought about how braces work, and how lucky I was that I didn't land on my mouth when I fell. That would have been even worse, because the metal would have really cut me up. I also thought about Brett. I thought about the things he had said today. Did people really think that I am good-looking? I thought about him telling me to stop looking down on myself. Easy for him to say. He knew me well, but he didn't know all about me. I thought about the video that we had watched together. A story about virgins, that's what it was called. What was a virgin anyway? It must be somebody holy because I always hear people talk about the virgin Mary. I knew a kid whose last name was Virgin, but people made fun of him. So maybe it's not such a good thing. So I got up and looked it up in the dictionary: virgin: noun, a person who has not had sexual intercourse Ack! Not what I was expecting to find! So... If you haven't had sex, then you must be a virgin. Okay. But I jacked off with Bret, so am I still a virgin or not? Probably. I think I'd have to actually have sex to not be one. Thinking about jacking off with Bret had me remembering some things. I could still see us sitting there almost naked jerking off. I could remember every detail of what I saw of Bret's body. I could remember his penis, and how big it was. His chest, and how his ribs stuck out. His belly button, he was an innie. I remembered how good it felt to touch him, just a little. I remembered how good it felt when I squirted. My hand had found its way to my zipper. I opened up my pants and pulled out my wiener. It was big already. I stroked it back and forth like I had before. I began to get that tingly feeling in my left foot again. I slipped off my shirt and then my shorts. I sat naked on my bed and gently massaged my favorite body part. It was making my lower body get that feeling again. Then I felt my penis get harder and tingly. It was happening again. Out came the white stuff, in came my dad. "Boy, we need to... Oh shit! Sorry!!" "Ahhh! Dad! Get out of here!" The stuff was still coming out of me. I threw my shorts at him. My dad quickly turned around and left. I sat there on my bed, embarrassed beyond belief. It was bad enough that my mom had seen me naked. This was even worse. My dad had not only caught me naked, but caught me doing... Well... He... Arrrrgh!!! How could he do that to me!?! How could I face him now? I cleaned off the mess with my underwear and pulled my shorts back on. I had to get out of here. I didn't even bother to find my shirt or socks. I just pulled my shoes on and I went to go out the back door. "Wait Boy!" "No! I hate you, dad! I fucking hate you! Just leave me alone!" "Where are you going to go?" "I don't know! I just can't stay here!" I couldn't even look at him. "So you're going to go out, at night, with no shirt on." "Well it sure as hell beats staying here!" I just had to get out of there. Everything was blurry and it wasn't because of my eye. My face felt hot and my head hurt. "William Roberts, stop! Look at me, boy." I turned and faced him. Tears were rolling down my face. Fuck him! Fuck him for doing this to me! "Billy, this has to stop and it has to stop now!" "Fuck you!" "NO! We can't go on like this. You and me, we're so much alike. We used to be so close! I can't stand to hear you say that you hate me, even if you don't really mean it. I love you more than anything in this world." "No you don't..." "Yes, you're my boy! You're my favorite person on the planet." "No I'm not! You like work more than me!" "That's not true and you know it!" "Then why do you work all the time?" "I work more now because your mom can't. That's why. Billy, life is never easy. Sometimes it's less hard, but it's never easy! When you found your grandmother on the floor over there, everything changed." "I don't want to talk about that." "Well we need to. We've let you sit on that for too long without working it out. Billy, you saw something horrible that day. You saw someone that you love almost die right in front of you. At first, we didn't talk about it with you. That was a mistake, because it's eating you up inside." "I said I don't want to..." "You need to. Everything changed after that. You've been moping around ever since. I've seen it, but I've been too tired to help you. It's been building and building and I'm worried that something terrible is going to happen if we don't deal with it." "Dad... Do you know something? It's my fault grandma's sick. I was supposed to go over there earlier that day. I was supposed to be with her. We were going to go to the mall and she was going to buy me some summer clothes. But you know what? I was playing video games. I didn't go over there until it was too late. It's my fault because I could have helped her if I'd have been on time. I could have done something. I could have helped her. I could have... I could have... I..." My dad came up to me and hugged me. I was just crying now. I was shaking. But he just held me. And he didn't let me go until I was done. "Do you feel better now, boy? "No." "You know there's nothing you could have done. What's worse, if you had shown up on time, she may have been driving when she had the stroke. Then she may have crashed the car and you both could have been killed. So in a way, by showing up late, you saved both of your lives." "I'm sorry I said I hated you, dad. And I'm sorry I swore at you." "I know. We say things we don't mean when we're stressed out. You, me and your mom all need a break. We've been under too much stress for too long now. You know that I would have gone to your games, like I did last year. But it was either do that, or have enough money to eat for the week. I thought you had reached to point where you didn't need me to be there anymore, but I was wrong." "I'm sorry I was doing what I was doing when you walked in, too." "Why? There's nothing wrong with it. You're growing up, boy. That's part of what makes it fun to be a teenager, discovering the things that you can do. Actually, I'm the one who should apologize to you. I'm sorry I walked in on you." "Well I should have closed the door." "You can close the door, but I hope you'll leave it open when you're not doing anything private. We've been living behind closed doors for too long. You didn't use your underwear to clean up the mess, did you?" "Yeah." "Well, throw them away. I'll get you some more. What's your size?" "Four and a half inches." "Four and a half...?" Then he started to laugh. I hadn't heard him laugh so heartily in a long time. It was wonderful to hear it again. "No no! Not the size of that! I meant your waist size!" "Oh!! Heh heh... I'm size sixteen." "Okay, I'll buy you some more. I'll get you some hand lotion and some rags too." "Hand lotion?" "You don't know about that yet? I figured after you watched that video that you'd have figured it out." "Yeah, well I... What did you say?" Oh my god... He knew about the tape. "Don't worry, you're not in trouble. But I moved the key. I don't think that's the kind of thing you should be watching on a regular basis. What did Brett think about it?" "He thought it was... Wait, how did you...?" "You left your book bag on the floor. After I carried you to your bed last night, I went to put it away for you. The tape fell out. So I left it in there. Tonight, everything was back where it belonged. I figured you watched it with Brett." "Yeah. I'm sorry about that too. Just add it to the list. I apologized to the coach too. He made me the scorekeeper for the team." "That's good! You'll stay involved. Do you want me to show you how?" "Yeah, that'd be great!" It was fun learning how to keep score with my dad. I was glad that we settled our disagreements the way we did. I felt so much better after that night. I felt like a big weight had been taken off of me. It was good to have talked about some of the things that had been bothering me for months now. I had been avoiding it for so long, that it felt like a release to finally deal with it. Finally, it was time to go to bed. "Goodnight dad." "Goodnight, boy." "I love you." "I love you too." I gave him a kiss on the cheek, and this time I didn't feel embarrassed about it. That'll finish Chapter Eight. Whew! It takes a lot of courage to do what Billy's dad did in this chapter. It would have been easy for him to just start yelling at Billy, like he did before. The restraint he used is exactly what Billy needed. Another yelling match would have probably destroyed their relationship for a long time. It's important for adults to remember that they are the grown-ups, and the kids are kids. Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference. So, how do you like W.A.R. so far? Let me know what's on your mind: vicioussquirrel@hotmail.com I'll look forward to hearing from you!