Date: Sun, 2 Mar 2014 16:43:15 +1300 From: bob charles Subject: Washed Up (Gay / Young friends) chapter 29 Washed Up. Disclaimer: Warning: this story contains sexual content, contact between young boys, and other themes that may offend. If the subject matter offends you, is not to your tastes, or if you are under legal age for your area, then find something else to read. In the following story all names and events are completely fictional. Although I may mention a specific location, place, or person any resemblance to said people, location, or places is completely unintentional. Chapter 29: Pierre knows he has to get up first, so slides his butt out from between my legs, and stands up. He then turns around and reaches down, taking hold of my hands, before hoisting me up and into him. We stand there for a moment or two hugging each other, before he decides we had better dry off. He pulls the plug from the bath while I jump out of it, and he follows me close behind. We each take a towel off the heated towel rail and proceed to dry ourselves. We dry our bodies thoroughly because we don't want any water residue cooling us down all over again, especially since it took so long to warm up. The result is that we take a lot longer than usual drying off, before hanging our towels up again and wandering through to the bedroom. Once I finish concentrating on drying off and start to walk back to the bedroom, I get overcome by a feeling of tiredness. It feels like I have walked into a brick wall with how suddenly it comes on. I decide that I had better climb into bed and get some sleep, since if I don't then my body may revert to French time, so I will struggle to sleep at the proper time of the day. Pierre looks as shattered as I feel, and I soon realise he has walked into the same brick wall of exhaustion as I have. The good thing about that is it means I won't have to coax him to trying to sleep at the same time as me, so I take hold of his hand and guide him to the double bed. I never even thought about the prospect that Manuel's grandpa may want the double bed, and I'm too tired to think about it now. We climb under the covers, snuggle together, and before we rest our heads on the pillows, are out like a light. ************ I'm awoken early the next morning by a very formal sounding voice, but it doesn't sound like one from any official I have dealt with. No, it isn't quite as formal as that, and seems like it is reporting on something, but what seems strange to me is it is in English. Being half drowsy I have temporarily forgotten that I am in New Zealand, and hearing English voices sounds so strange, since I have gotten used to mainly hearing French everywhere I went. I slowly start to become accustomed to it as I awaken properly, and soon work out that what I'm hearing is the TV, and the start of a news bulletin. I'm not sure why the TV is on, but hearing the start of the news article they are about to screen I sit up because I want to see it. The article is mainly a repeat from last night's news with an update tagged onto the end, but that doesn't bother me as it is the content I'm more interested in. The article is about the massive winter storm which has ravaged the upper half of the North Island, but thankfully has now moved offshore. The footage in the article shows some pretty extensive flooding in parts of Auckland and the Coromandel, but the Bay of Plenty seems to have copped the worst of it. Large chunks of Mount Maunganui, near Tauranga are under water, along with loads of farmland between there and Whakatane. It is sad seeing such a large area of the country under water, but it is more the segment on Auckland I'm interested in. Well, I shouldn't really say segment, because most of the article is about what has happened in Auckland, as per usual. The media seem to think that since it is our largest city, then it is the most important place in the country, so no matter how minor something is, if it happens in Auckland it is bound to make the news. In a lot of ways at least this time it was justified, since the city was almost crippled because of the storm. Large parts of the city are without power, and major arterial routes have been closed due to flooding. The council and contractors have worked hard overnight trying to fix as much of the damage as they can, but there are some major roads which are still closed because the waters haven't receded enough. All roads leading to the airport had been closed off yesterday, with the main one being under water due to an extremely high tide and storm surge, but they have all since reopened, although parts are still a little treacherous. The gnarliest piece of footage in the article was one showing a plane attempting to land in the horrendous conditions. I'm surprised how clear the footage is, given it was filmed during a torrential downpour, but it clearly shows how skilled the pilot was to get the plane down safely, and not having to abort. It soon becomes clear to me that it was our flight they had filmed, because they go on to show footage of passengers getting off the plane, including us. "Was that our plane...? Boy I'm almost glad we were on it and not watching it come in!" Pierre pipes up quietly beside me. He is still drowsy, having only just awoken, but he is coming to rapidly enough to be able to understand what is going on in the news. I give him a nice tender loving hug while we watch the rest of the news article. "Good morning boys, I trust you slept well? I'm glad to see you up early, because your mum says we have a busy day ahead of us. I was supposed to wake you at six thirty, but as I can see I won't have to. You better get changed pretty soon, because everyone will be gathering in here once they are ready," Manuel's grandpa says with the warmest, friendliest smile on his face. "Good morning, yes we did sleep well, and I hope you did too," I reply, giving a warm smile back. He is such a warm person, and makes me feel totally at ease and comfortable having him around. In fact he is so comfortable to be with that I sometimes forget he is even here, because he seems to go about his own business without worrying too much about us. It is like he fully trusts us, or at least knows we won't get up to too much trouble, but that is why I tend to forget about him, as he isn't constantly in my face. We watch the rest of the bulletin, so I can find out which roads are still closed in case we go that way. There is a relatively long list of roads around the city which are still closed through flooding, so I don't stand a chance of remembering all of them. The main reason for that is I am also trying to picture where they are in the city, from what I can remember from when I was younger. Needless to say that a lot of the streets mean little to me, because most of them are in parts of the city I don't know very well. The motorways are all open and free of debris, which is good because it will make travel around the city a little easier. I automatically presume the doctor we are going to see because of dad is somewhere around where we used to live, either that or in the city itself, so I am paying more attention to the road closures around there than anywhere else. As soon as the article finishes, which goes on until the ad break, we climb out of bed in order to get dressed. We have to search through our bags in hope of finding enough warm clothing for the day, especially since yesterday's clothes are still saturated. Pierre has got nothing he can wear that constitutes winter clothing, because he has already worn all he had. I have two pairs of trousers left, which covers one half of him, but only one jersey, so he isn't going to have anything warm for his upper body. I suppose he has his jacket still, since that should have dried out enough by now, but even if it is slightly damp he will soon get cold wearing it. Winter clothing is something no-one took into consideration at any stage, because I guess it slipped everyone's minds since it was warm when we left here and France was heading into summer. Now we are paying for not thinking about our return to NZ, as after one day we are struggling for winter clothes. I hand Pierre my spare pair of pants, which are the ones he knows all too well since he has worn them a couple of times already. They are those grey track pants I had given him a couple of times when we were living in Taupo Bay. I have some cotton jeans, but that is it, although I'm sure I had more at some stage, making me wonder if I have misplaced some along the way. We both put on what we have, including two sets of shirts to add an extra layer in hopes it will keep us a little warmer. I'm not sure it will physically make me warmer, but it at least gives me the impression that I will be. Once I have my clothes on I figure I should at least check to see if my jacket has dried out enough to be able to wear, but it hasn't, making me wish I had thought about it and hung it on the heated towel rail overnight. Hindsight is a virtue I guess, not that it would have made any difference because we were far too tired to think about stuff like that. Pierre's jacket is also still wet through, making him totally unprepared for the conditions we are about to head into. I feel bad for him, so give him my jersey, figuring I'm the one who should be more adapted to these conditions. He resists at first, like I knew he would, but eventually I convince him to take it and that I will be fine. I know, I lied to him, but he knows I did as well. He also knew I wasn't going to give up, so he was always going to have to take it. He looks more prepared for the worst our weather has to offer. Well, not really, but more than he did before so that is all that matters. The problem is I know I'm going to freeze within minutes if the weather is anything near what it was like yesterday. Thankfully I know the rain and wind have eased, but what wind there is, is more of a direct southerly today. What that means is it is likely to feel even colder than yesterday, especially since southerlies tend to blow straight off Antarctica. Now that we are dressed, we make a quick stop in the bathroom to relieve ourselves, before venturing back into the main room to wait for everyone. Manuel's grandpa is already dressed, and looks to be very well rugged up. I almost think he has worn every garment he brought over, because that's how he looks. I don't blame him either, because he didn't get a very good introduction to New Zealand's weather yesterday, since it was abysmal even for here in the middle of winter. I suppose though at least it isn't snowing, because it is very unusual for Auckland to see the white stuff, so when it does you know it is a damn cold winter for here. It makes me realise how lucky we have it, because I know there are parts of the world which have snow six months of the year, yet we call it a bad winter if we see it once. In saying that we often get six months of rain, so actually getting snow would break the monotony of it being wet and miserable all the time, because even sunny days can be few and far between. The door suddenly bursts open, and Bastian and Xavier come crashing through it, followed closely behind by Manuel's dad. The two boys look so happy and full of life this morning, it makes me wonder if they slept together last night. They seem to have that sort of aura about them, suggesting that they have found just how deep their love for each other is. I'm over the moon for them, because I remember the first night Pierre and I slept together, almost like it happened yesterday, because the feelings are so new and special it makes it impossible to forget. They look perfect together which I'm most pleased about, since it is partially my doing that brought them together. I notice that they are both staring at me as if I am mad or something which I don't understand, as I haven't done anything to warrant such a look. Maybe I have missed something, I don't know; it catches me a little off guard is all. "You aren't going outside dressed like that are you Josh, haven't you got a jersey?" Bastian asks, solving the riddle of their strange looks at the same time. I had forgotten about not having a jersey to wear, which is why I overlooked it. "Yes... well, no... not any more, as I gave it to Pierre cos he didn't have one," I reply, trying to make enough sense that they understand what I'm talking about. "Do you want to borrow one of mine, because mum made sure I packed lots of warm clothing since she knew it was winter here? I'm sure you will fit my clothes, because you look like you are about the same size," Xavier asks. I think he wants to be able to help me out, after I have tried to help him, but I'm just glad someone has a spare jersey for me because I didn't really want to go out in the cold dressed like this. "Yes, please, thank you so much. I didn't fancy going outside with no jersey, but Pierre is more important to keep warm so I wanted to make sure he had one," I reply, before giving him a hug to help confirm how thankful I am for his help. He is a little tentative accepting my hug to start with, which doesn't surprise me since he has had a rough time with his friends, but he knows he can trust me, so allows himself to hug me back. I feel that this is a big step for him, and I will do everything I can to rebuild his trust and confidence in people. The thing which worries me is my track record, and knowing I have let my own friends down, as I crawled up into my shell because of the problems I was having at home. I am determined not to let that happen again, and so long as I have Pierre in my life I know it won't. I still feel bad about the way I treated my old friends, but it is too late to make amends for that. All I can do is ensure it doesn't happen again, and that is exactly what I plan to do. I have met too many good people, and made as many great friends to allow that to happen, as I feel like I would have let everyone down if I ever did make the same mistakes. The longer I hug Xavier the more he relaxes as he gets used to me and allows the comforting feelings I'm generating in him to take control. He is resisting a little because of the trust issues he has, but he is slowly caving in and allowing himself to trust again. It isn't easy for him, because his mind tries to remind him of the hurt he has been through. He is fighting an internal battle as he tries to allow himself to believe he has made some good friends, but I think the issue surrounding Pierre leaving him is still playing on him. I know he won't admit it because deep down he knows it wasn't Pierre's fault, but it must have played some part in all of this. "Come on, let me get you that jersey," Xavier says, as a result of him allowing his fears to win out. He doesn't want to break off the hug, but he is still scared. He doesn't want to become too attached until he knows I am as trustworthy as I and the others say. "I'm not going to stop hugging you that easily Xavier. Turn off your brain for a moment and follow what your heart says, because I know you will make the right decision," I say, not allowing him to break off the hug. I hope I'm right about his heart knowing what is right, because I could have made matters worse if I'm wrong, but I have full faith in him coming to the right decision. I will not let him down so long as I can physically help it, and that is the feeling I am trying to generate in him. The hardest part is trying to convince myself that I won't fail my friends again, because I do feel really bad about what I did to my old ones. I know I have to forget about that so I can give him the confidence he needs in me, because I have changed since then, and for the better. "I know what you are trying to do, and I do trust you... well more than most people, but I know with time I will learn to trust wholeheartedly again. It is still time for me to get that jersey for you, because the others won't be too far away now, and your mum wants everyone ready," he says earnestly, before once again trying to break off our hug. I let him go this time, because I know he is right. Not just about the others not being far away, but also that he is going to need time to heal properly. I can't expect it to be a quick fix, because psychological damage never is, and I of all people should know that. Xavier wanders out of the room, because he has left his bag in the hallway, so brings it back in and sets it on the floor. It doesn't take him long to have the bag opened and a thick woollen jersey in his hand which he hands to me. The ironic thing about the jersey Xavier has given me is that it is made in New Zealand, which I find funny cos it has come around in a full circle now. It looks like it will keep me nice and snug, better than my other jersey would have, so I'm contemplating giving it to Pierre and taking my one back. I turn to face Pierre, who gives me a scowl and shakes his head vigorously because he has read my mind. I know I will be fighting a losing battle trying to get him to swap jerseys, so I give up without even starting, and put it on. While I put on my jersey I become aware of the surprisingly loud footsteps of two pairs of small feet pounding their way down the hall. I know who it is, but don't have enough time to react before Callum and Manuel burst into the room, and come careering straight for Pierre and me. Bastian scuttles out of the way, so that he doesn't get caught up in the ambush, while Xavier stands there, startled at how quickly everything happens. Pierre and I get tackled to the ground by the two excited youngsters, before they give us a kiss and cuddle and get off. I'm completely surprised with the way they got off us so quickly, because usually they have to be pulled off us. They haven't finished yet though, but they are far gentler on Bastian, and especially Xavier, because they aren't sure how he would cope. Xavier copes really well with the over excited youngsters, and even gives them a hug back without a second thought. I think he may feel safer around them because they are younger so unlikely to hang out with him at school. Then again the hugs were short and sweet, and they do look so cute and impossible to resist. Once they have hugged everyone they sit on the bed quietly and patiently wait for the others to catch up. I am totally amazed at their behaviour, because I have never seen this from them and I sort of figure that François has been influential in improving their manners. Almost as soon as they have taken a seat the others arrive, and suddenly the room is choc-a-block full of people. Mum indicates for us to take a seat, so we all quickly do so anywhere we can find enough room to park our bums. "Good morning everyone, I want to explain a little about what is in store for us today. First off we will be taking a taxi into Manukau City, because I know a few of us are short of winter clothing. While there I have also found a van, and paid for it, so all we have to do is pick it up. Once we have that I will be dropping our guests off in downtown Auckland so they can explore, while we go and see the doctor about Harry. Well, I should say Sarah's, Josh's and Callum's father. Hopefully that won't take too long, as I want to meet up with everyone in the city at a reasonable hour. As long as everyone isn't bored by then, Jean and I will disappear for a little while as we need to get some stuff and we will find somewhere easy to meet up again," mum says. It sounds like a full-on day if you ask me, but my main concern is the amount of time we will be spending in the city. At this stage it isn't important, because it can be addressed later if people are bored by then, but I still have one other thing I want to add to the list. "Mum, is there any chance of stopping at the place you have set up my trust fund, because I have to pay you back still, as well as needing money to pay for at least Pierre and I while we are here?" I ask, hoping mum will just agree so we can get on with it. I'm pretty sure she will since I'm certain she is running short of funds, so I'm not expecting much of an argument. "Shit... you're right Josh, I had almost forgotten all about that and I can really do with the money. We will have to sit down shortly and work things out, but yes we will..." "Wait one minute... you are taking money from your son to help pay for your trip! Well, I won't let that happen, as there is no way Josh should be paying for anything, because from what I have heard the trip was your fault anyway. I will pay Josh's share of the holiday on behalf of him, but no more and no less," Manuel's grandma interrupts pretty sternly, because she is obviously not happy with what she thinks mum is doing. "Huh...? Um... but you don't understand..." "Manuel's grandma, it isn't as it seems. I offered to pay for a lot of it, because I asked mum to do some major favours while we were over there," I say, bailing mum out. This is not how I thought things would go in the slightest, as once mum started to agree I thought it would be the end of it. "Like what, not that it matters because she put you in that position?" she asks, sounding even less impressed with mum, so I know I'm going to have to tell her what I have been up to. "A house... I bought a house while I was over there, because François had got into financial trouble and lost the family home. I bought it back for him... well mum did, but I said I would pay her back for it. What you don't know is I have a lot of money, because we got paid out compensation for damages after dad's court case. This is why I have no problem offering to pay for things which are entirely my idea, because I know I have the funds," I tell her, getting a semi confused look in the process. "Ok, someone has some explaining to do, and I want to hear all of it!" Manuel's grandma says sternly, because she hates it when people don't tell her the full story. "It's ok Josh, I had better tell the story, since it is my biggest shame..." "Mum, let me go first because otherwise you are going to end up with a whole bunch of questions. I will let you say your bit, but first I need to say mine... Callum and Manuel, could you leave the room please, just for a few minutes. You know I hate hiding things from you, but this is something I want to protect you from knowing about, at least until you feel the time is right to find out for yourselves. I just hope by that stage you have found out who you are, because I don't want what has happened to me to sway your thoughts," I say, cutting mum off yet again, which she must be getting sick of, but oh well. I know she has forgotten about Xavier, so I think it best to fill him in on what has happened to me first. I am determined to stop the youngsters finding out the truth, because even though I'm sure neither of them are gay, although not a hundred percent confident on Manuel yet, I don't want what happened to me to affect their future sexuality. I want them to discover who they are, before they find out how sex can change people for the worst. As I expected they are hesitant to go, but they do decide I am right and it isn't something they want to find out about just yet. They leave the room in quick time, doing the wise thing in closing the door behind them, so there is no chance of them overhearing what is being said. As soon as I hear the door click closed I resume where I left off. "Firstly, the reason I wanted to say my bit first is because I think you have overlooked Xavier being in the room. If you started to talk about the court case you would have confused the hell out of him, so I think it is best to start at square one... Xavier, as I've said, we all have our stories to tell, well, here's a shortened version of mine. I'm not going to stuff around so I'll say this rather bluntly, and I hope I don't give you too much of a shock... I was severely beaten by my father for about two years, so bad in a couple of instances he nearly killed me. The beatings were becoming more frequent as time went by, until one day it came to a head and he ended up raping me," I say cool as a cucumber, getting impressed looks from everyone at how at ease I am in telling it. Well, all except for Xavier that is. "Shit... um... by raped do you mean he... um... you know... put his dick up..." Xavier stammers, hoping it isn't what he is thinking, although he knows of no other meaning for rape. "Yes Xavier, he did do what you are thinking, but don't worry about it because I'm fine now, thanks to the generous love and support I have received from all those you see in the room, along with the two outside the door," I reply cutting him short, while intentionally not bringing up about how the incident nearly tore our family apart, because I think that would be too much for him to digest right now. "Shit... I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to burden you the other day with my problems, because I can see you have much bigger ones to deal with. I'm so sorry..." he blubbers, feeling ashamed with himself for wasting my time with his minor problems. "Xavier, stop being stupid. Your problems are equal, because it still comes down to having your trust shattered by those closest to you, so don't feel like you have wasted my time, because you haven't. I was being honest when I said I was fine, because I am. I have got over it with help and support, so that is why I said I would always be there for you. Others have shown me what can be accomplished with love and support, so I want you to be able to see it too," I say, a little too sternly at first. I know that because he gave me a look of shock, before the tears starts welling up in his eyes, because he thinks I am telling him off. He calms down quickly when I start telling him that his problems mean more to me than my own ones, because I think it has been the first time someone has put him before themselves. It is a shame to know that, but then again I was much the same way, cos my problems were the only thing important, no-one else's were. Bastian is instrumental in helping him calm down, with the way he hugs and comforts his new boyfriend, and it is so adorable to see how close they have got to each other, although it makes me wonder if Pierre and I are as cute as they are. Once he has calmed down, François opens the door to let the youngsters in, but that takes a little longer than expected, because they are tearing up and down the hallway like loons. They are quick to settle down once they see François's disapproving look, so saunter back into the room with their heads facing the floor, and sit down. "Ok, well I suppose it is my turn now... To be honest I don't think I've even told Jean this part of the story, because it is where I feel I failed Josh the most. I mean I know I failed him as a parent all the way through, but this is where I felt I had the best chance at protecting him, but I couldn't even do that for him there," mum says, fighting back the tears again. I know recalling everything I went through makes her remember how bad she was at being able to do what a parent is supposed to do, and protect their children, but then again dad was worse. It is supposed to be a two person job raising kids, so mum was caught between a rock and a hard place in ways. I don't care any more, as it is in the past and I want to move on. I have Pierre, who is the best thing to happen to me, so I am over bringing up what has been, since I now have everything I want and need. Mum tells them the story about what I went through in court, again only telling the toned down version, due to Callum and Manuel being present. They all understand the horrors I went through as a scared little ten year old boy though, so they didn't miss too much detail. Those who haven't heard it before, and even those who have, all have dismayed and angry looks on their faces, as they are unable to believe anyone could allow me to have to put up with such crap. I know I'm going to end up getting hugs, and being told how brave I am, all over again because of this. I like getting the hugs, but not the attention, since it can't change what has happened, so I want people to just treat me normally. I know they will only be showing how much they care, and sympathise with me, but I still don't want it. I am at the stage where I want the past to disappear, so I don't get all the sympathy because of what I've been through, since it isn't helping me to move forward at all. "Before anyone says or does anything more, please can you not hug me and tell me how sorry you feel for me. I don't mean to sound rude, but I want to move on from it, and all the attention I seem to get as a result of people knowing what happened isn't helping. Please allow me to move on from this, by not saying any more about it," I say, deciding to get in before I started to receive the attention I don't want. "Josh, I do understand where you are coming from, and I know you have come a long way. It is just people want to show you they care, and we will all be here to support you. You have already moved past this, so just look at the attention as a form of healing. Reassurance if you may, that we won't let anything like this happen to you again. I think you deserve the hugs and praise you get, because you have had it pretty rough, yet you have come out of it so well. You make all of us proud to be associated with you, because you prove to us that no matter how bad things get there is always an upside. I know Xavier looks up to you now, because you have proven to him what he didn't think possible, and he isn't the only one in the room who thinks that," Manuel's grandpa says, making me take a different look at how I view all the attention I seem to get because of this. "Ok, I can see where you are coming from, but I still do not want to see you pay for anything, because that money is a very good starting point for the future. I am going to pay your mum for everything you agreed..." Manuel's grandma says, before I interrupt her. "No, please... I have to at least pay for the house, because it means a lot to me personally. It isn't something I just bought for the sake of it. I did it to say thanks to François for looking after Pierre for me while we were separated. On top of that I did it for Pierre, because he is supposed to inherit the house from François when the time comes, so I wanted to see it back in the family where it belongs," I say, almost begging to the point of crying. This is something I got in an argument about with mum, although I used a slightly different argument with her. I'm too scared to use the same one with Manuel's grandma, because I'm not sure she would understand about why it means so much to me. It was the start of me trying to rebuild my life, and I had decided to buy it on the most significant day of my life. The day Pierre and me got back together, not only that but it was also the day we suffered the most pain. The significance of helping someone out on a day which had been so horrendous for Pierre and I, would be lost on her. Well, I think it would be, but then again she is a smart lady. The other problem is that it would involve a hell of a lot more explaining, so I don't want to go there as we have a lot to do today as it is. I just hope my reasoning adds up to her, so we can agree and move on. "Ok, ok... you win, and I will allow you to pay back the money for the house, but that is it. It isn't for the reason you gave me either, because I can tell you are holding out on me, but we haven't got the time at the moment, so I will let you off. I'm only allowing you to do this because I can tell that it means so much to you that I can't take it away from you," Manuel's grandma says, although I'm starting to think I should just call her grandma, because she is sounding more and more like one all the time. Well, what I mean is she is sounding like she is my own caring grandma, if I had a caring one that is. She is exactly as I pictured a proper grandma to be, and makes me glad we have found her. Not only for Manuel and his dad, but all of us, because I think she is exactly what our family needs. With all that out of the way, mum decides it is time to get the show on the road. Instead of trying her luck that there might be the taxis we need at the taxi stand, she decides to ring and specially order them. It was a good thing too, because we are going to have a fifteen minute wait for what we need to be available and get to us. With the taxis ordered she and Manuel's grandma set about working out what my share of the holiday was going to be worth, so that mum can be reimbursed for it. I'm still a little gutted at not being allowed to live up to my end of the bargain, but I'm unable to stew on that for very long as I get called over by Manuel's grandpa. I know I'm going to have no choice in the matter, so I don't bother putting up a fight and wander over to see him. I can tell this is going to be a serious heart to heart when he signals for me to sit on his lap, which again I do without causing a fuss. He wraps his hands around me to give me a hug, while also having the added effect of preventing me from escaping easily, but I know that wasn't his intention. He sits there hugging me for a little bit before saying anything to me. When he does he says it in the most loving caring tone, because he wants me to listen to what he has to say and he fully believes in it. He starts off by saying all the things I knew he would, about how he is really sorry about the way I have been treated, but how amazed he is with how resilient I have become. Then he starts to try to get me seeing sense, and not trying to carry the whole world on my shoulders by helping everyone else. He has no problem with me helping people, but he does have a big problem with the way I brush things off like they are nothing. He wants me to take the praise when it is given, but more importantly accept the help which is on offer. This is what I have always found very difficult, and yet somehow he seems to know this. He gives me a stark warning that if I continue to help others out before looking after myself, it is going to have a detrimental effect on not only me, but Pierre as well. He knows it is going to be extremely difficult to split us up, but if I don't take care of myself it will add a huge strain on our relationship. It is that part which hits home the most, because I don't want to do anything which could potentially stuff things up with Pierre, but in some ways I am. I have been too busy trying to help him that I haven't allowed him to reciprocate the favour. He does try and succeeds pretty often, but not as often as he would like. He wants to be there for me, as much as I do for him, so we both need to help each other equally for it to continue working. He has helped me out a lot, but it hasn't been his physical doing, more things I have overcome because of being with him. That isn't enough for him, especially when I make mum go out of her way so I can help him, like the boat ride to the hole in the rock, or the family night we had the other day. There are others which I know mum only did because she knew I would make her do, such as going to Avignon, and finding his parents' graves, but he hasn't been allowed to help me in similar sorts of ways. I know he hasn't had the means, but in a lot of ways I wouldn't have let him either. In ways I'm being selfish in the way I want to help and protect him from harm, but won't let him do the same for me. Not intentionally anyway, and Manuel's grandpa has made me open my eyes to it. He tells me that he wants me to continue to help the other boys, especially Xavier who needs it most at the moment, along with Callum because he is my blood brother. That is it though, unless something major comes up with regards to any of the friends he hasn't met, but he doesn't want me trying to find more people to help. It is a good talk, or lecture, depending on how you look at it, and it certainly opens my eyes. I know people keep walking into my life who need help, but at some stage I have to say no because I have enough on my plate. The time is now, as I have enough great friends who I love very much, but most importantly I have Pierre. He should be taking up most of my time, and we should be working through things together. The praise thing and accepting help when I need it is something I will work on, unless it is from Pierre in which case I know I have to accept it. It sort of seems like a chore, but I know it is so he can show me how much I mean to him. I mean I expect him to accept it, so he should too. I know it runs deeper than that, but I have spent so long running from help that I'm finding it difficult to accept it from those who I know love and care about me, unless it has something to do with helping Pierre. I will do everything he advised me to do, especially with Pierre, because I do want this to work since no-one is more important to me than he is. The talk leaves me feeling happy about myself, even though I know I have a lot to work on. He does a great job in making me realise that I do a lot of good things, but I need to improve on a couple of little areas to ensure I stay happy. With the taxi not being far away, and mum and Manuel's grandma done with their maths, it is pretty much time to go. I give Manuel's grandpa a big kiss and cuddle before getting off him, as my way of saying thanks for caring enough to have such a heart to heart with me. I am left wondering how he knows so much about me, because I'm sure he hasn't been told all that. The only logical explanation I can come up with is he can read me like a book, and has picked up on things in the time we have known each other. It doesn't worry me, because I'm glad he has noticed and tried to help me for the better. Not only for me, but Pierre as well, which makes me a lot happier to know we have his best wishes to make it as a couple. I get off him and go to grab my bag as everyone starts to pile out the door. Pierre of course waits for me, and gives me a hug before I pick my bag up. It feels even better than usual, as a result of the talk I've just had, because I am starting to see everything Manuel's grandpa had talked about. I give him a quick hug back because that is all we have time for, before we pick up our bags and hustle out the door, leaving Manuel's grandpa to close up behind us. We catch up to the others at the lifts, which again we have to wait for, but at least not as long this time. It is a tight squeeze getting all of us in the lift, more so than I remember it being yesterday, but we were frozen then so it wouldn't have seemed so bad being packed in like sardines. Today it is horrible, because it doesn't take long to start cooking from the heat being generated by so many bodies close together, but at least the ride doesn't last long. Once we are in the lobby we hand the keys to our rooms back, before mum tells us to take a seat. She has decided to go out and wait for the taxis herself, since she doesn't see the point in everyone getting cold standing outside. I agree that it makes sense, but of course one person doesn't listen. That would be Manuel's dad in today's case, which isn't any big surprise to anyone. The advantage of him going is it allows mum to hold the taxis while he comes in to get everyone. The taxis are late as to be expected, and we are waiting a good ten minutes longer than we should have been, before Manuel's dad finally comes in to get us. We get out of our seats, which are very comfortable and hard to leave, but somehow we drag our butts off them, stand up and wander out to catch the taxi. It is at this point where my nerves start kicking in, because I realise that at long last I'm going to find out the truth about my father, and the expectation is making me nervous as hell. We are hit by a wall of frigid air the moment we leave the air-conditioned hotel, because the day hasn't been able to warm due to the heavy dark clouds and intermittent rain. We decide it is too cold to stay out for too long so make a quick dash to the taxis and pile in. They are a van and a car like we had got in France to get to the airport in. That makes things easy since we all head to the same type of vehicle we had been in last time. The only difference is that this time it is mum and Sarah who have the honours of ensuring we get to our destination. Since the two youngest boys are in the car, mum thinks it best that her and Manuel's dad travel with them, so Sarah sits up front in the van. Mum put Sarah in that position, because she knows Auckland pretty well, so can make sure the taxi driver isn't mucking us about, just in case the two taxis become separated in traffic. The good thing is it was never going to be an issue, because the taxi driver is very professional and took us exactly where we needed to go and used the shortest route within reason. Well, he can't really take the shortest route on paper, because if he did then it would likely have taken half an hour longer, so he took the best overall route distance versus time. Mum was thankfully thinking logically when she told the driver the destination, because we pull up in front of a huge car sales yard. I almost thought she may have gone straight to the mall in Manukau City, which would have been a stupid idea since we would then have had to cart our baggage everywhere we went. At least with picking up the new vehicle first it eliminates that problem. I can see parked out in front of the dealer is a relatively new looking grey Toyota Hiace, which I'm assuming is our ride for however long we are going to be in New Zealand. Mum is already out of the taxi she was in, and is talking to a salesman, who seems to have some forms for her to sign. Within about five minutes the deal looks like it has been finalised and she is handed some keys. It is at this point where she finally pays for the taxis, meaning we get out and collect our bags. It doesn't take us long to empty the taxis, load up our new van and get in. The van is huge, easily being the biggest I have ever seen. It is a twelve seater, although if you count the middle mini seat in the front you could get away with calling it a thirteen seater. The cabin has four rows of seats, with the front two rows containing two seats each, while the back two have three seats in them. The unusual feature is the van has an aisle going all the way through to the boot, splitting the back two rows between the second and third seats. The seats are very comfortable for a van, which is because it is a pretty new release so comfort has been taken into account more than it used to be. Again we take our seats in the same place we had both times in the taxi van, although Sarah and François are left with the two isolated seats. We are loaded and seated within minutes, and mum has taken the driver's seat and started it up. The engine runs flawlessly and a lot quieter than I thought it would have, but as mum pulls into the traffic and we head on our way, I can tell that this van has a lot of grunt. The trip to the Manukau Mall is straightforward, and we get there in short time. Once parked up mum decides to make this stop as quick as possible, so asks those who don't need to do anything here if they would stay in the van. Callum, Manuel, Pierre, Sarah and I get no choice, because we have to go in and get more winter clothing, which is the main reason for stopping here. Manuel's grandma decides that what she needs to do can just as easily be done in the city centre, so she thinks it best she stays in the van. Mum and Manuel's dad come with us as we head into the mall. Mum and me have a quick detour to make, so tell the others what store we will meet up with them at, then leave them to their own devices. The good thing about this mall is it has a branch of the trust mum set my account up with, so we go in there to withdraw the money I have been allowed to use. Well, a little more than that, because I convince mum to allow me to take out a bit more to cover future expenses such as the clothes we are going to buy. Once we have the money, which mum gets in the form of a couple of cheques, we head over to the bank she is with to deposit the money into our accounts. She will only allow me to carry one hundred and fifty dollars at most for safety reasons, so the rest of what I've been allowed to withdraw for myself ends up in my account. I'm a little surprised to see how much money is in my account already, because for a long time I had forgotten I even had one. Mum though was still making regular payments into it as my pocket money, but I never touched it. I want to get an eftpos card (NZ bank card), but because I haven't got a permanent address I know I can't as the bank has nowhere to send it. Once the money has been deposited we dart through the mall to find the store we are to meet everyone at. It doesn't take too long, and the good news for mum is the others have already got the clothes they want and are waiting for mum to pay for them. Knowing everyone will yet again be waiting on me, although at least this time it isn't so much my fault, I scurry around the store picking out the clothes I want. I save time in trying on each item of clothing, by picking out a jersey and some pants and trying them on. The good thing is the sizing is perfect, so I look at the labels and pull out only clothing with the same size, or maybe one higher on them. I manage to have mine before the person behind the counter has finished processing everyone else's. Pierre has yet to get to the counter, so I pull him aside and take him and his clothes up to another person at the counter. I decide to pay for his as well, not entirely because I want to do a nice thing for him, but also because I figure it will speed things up. It does because I'm paying for our clothes at the same time mum is for everyone else's, so I achieved my goal, and had the bonus of giving my lover a present. Mum tells us to follow Manuel's dad back to the van, while she quickly gets some clothes for herself, and disappears into the clothing racks before we can blink an eye. We are back at the van within minutes of leaving mum and about quarter of an hour after we originally left, which I thought was good time considering how much we got done. Mum doesn't take long either, so before we know it we are back on the road, heading north towards the city centre. The trip should have been straightforward, but we get caught in the tail end of rush hour. The traffic comes to a screaming halt around the Greenlane off-ramp, and doesn't improve until we are past the Newmarket Viaduct, and the cause of the bottleneck is one car broken down on the shoulder of the motorway. It is typical that something so insignificant can cause a big headache on the roads, but then again there is always the possibility it broke down on the motorway and had to get pushed off. Either way it added another twenty minutes to our journey which none of us really wanted. Once we have made it to the aptly named spaghetti junction, mum ensures she is in the right lane for the exit we want. This part of the motorway system is a mess, but the good part about it is you know when you have reached the city centre, so long as you are able to get into the correct lane to get where you need to go. It isn't easy and if you leave it a little too late, you can end up going in the wrong direction, but thankfully mum remembers it well so is in the correct lane miles before we need to be. Mum negotiates her way off the motorway and onto Queen Street, which is the main shopping street in Central Auckland. While driving down the street heading towards the harbour, mum tells those who are getting out here to prepare themselves, because she plans to make a quick stop and drop wherever she can find somewhere to pull over at the harbour end. The closer to the harbour we get the more claustrophobic I feel, because the street seems to get narrower and narrower as the buildings lining it get higher and higher. Mum spies an empty five minute parking spot, so quickly pulls into it and allows everyone to get out. The only one who is unsure where they are supposed to be is Pierre, but I know he isn't going to get out, not without me. He also wants to be with me for the appointment with dad's old doctor, because he knows it is likely to be tough on me. No-one else seems to think Pierre is supposed to get off either, because the sliding door is slammed shut once the last person is off, even though they knew he was still on board. I am even happier when mum pulls out into the traffic again, without saying a word about our stowaway, making me think she always intended him being with us for this. We weave our way out of the centre towards the inner suburbs, but not out west like I thought we would be. I assumed that since we used to live in West Auckland that dad's doctor would be out there. How wrong I was. Mum drives us through to the suburb of Mount Eden, which isn't too far out of the city centre, and finds a park. It takes a little while for her to park the car, as the little shopping centre is busy and cark parks are at a premium. She eventually finds one which happens to be right outside the medical centre we are supposed to be meeting dad's doctor at. Mt. Eden is a rich suburb with lots of big old houses and tree lined streets, which has helped attract a lot of people here and driven up house prices. The close proximity it is to the city centre is another major draw card, so the result nowadays is that it is a suburb for the rich. Unlike the nearby suburbs of Ponsonby and Parnell, it isn't a snobby suburb due to the amount of artists and musicians who live in the area. The suburb gets its name from the extinct volcanic dome the suburb surrounds, which rises one hundred and ninety six metres above sea level. That makes it the largest in Auckland, and gives some breath-taking views of the city and harbour from the top. It is a nice suburb, but there is little escaping the busy city life here, which for me is the main reason I'm not a big fan of the area. I will only be here for a short time, so I'm sure I can handle it. Once mum has the van parked and killed the engine, we pile out of it and gather on the sidewalk. Mum pushes a button on a remote that is on the key ring, and then the van makes a bleep bleep sound, along with the noise of the doors locking. I'm quite impressed that we have gone flash enough to have a vehicle with an alarm, because we have never owned one with it before. I soon forget about it as everyone files into the medical centre, and the result for me is I can feel the nerves getting worse. Butterflies are flittering around in my stomach, making me feel a little sick, as I have waited for this for a while but I'm not sure I'm going to be able to handle it. It is the thought of potentially seeing his face again which scares me most, but I know I have to do this so try not to think too much about it. Once we are inside mum signals for me to see the receptionist, which reminds me that I'm supposed to be the one the doctor talks to. "Um... hello... I'm Josh Lac... sorry McFadden, and I'm here to see Dr Hansel," I say nervously, while not being able to believe I almost gave the wrong name. Yeah, I could understand if I was about to use the name Smith, but Lacroix? We only have that name since yesterday, yet I'm addressing myself using it so easily, despite having been known as McFadden for most of my life. "Just one moment, I think he has been expecting you," the lady behind the reception desk says, then picks up a phone, hits a number and waits for about thirty seconds for the other end to get answered. "Hi Dr Hansel, we have a Josh McFadden here to see you... Send them right in...? Ok," she says, before hanging up the phone and signalling for us to follow her. She leads the way down a short hallway before coming to a stop outside a door. She then knocks, signals for us to wait there, and heads back to her desk. If the nerves hadn't got to me before, then they sure as hell have now, as I feel on the verge of throwing up. I'm not the only one either, as I notice Sarah and Callum looking a bit green around the gills. We came here for answers, but I'm not sure I really need to know now, because I don't know if I can handle it. Before I get the chance to bail out, the door opens and an elderly looking man dressed in a standard doctor's white coat is standing there. He signals for us to enter, which mum does seemingly without a care in the world. Pierre takes my hand, knowing I'm chickening out, so pulls me in after mum. Once I have gone in Callum decides he will too, leaving Sarah with no other choice but to follow. The room isn't a typical doctor's inspection room, instead it reminds me more of a meeting room than somewhere where you would go to get checked out. The room has a large table/desk in the middle with half a dozen chairs surrounding it. On one wall is a large white board with writing all over it, but it is the TV and DVD player set-up opposite the table which catches my eye. We take a seat at the table, while the doctor finishes setting up the TV, making me a little curious about what we are going to be watching. "Hello, my name is Dr Hansel, and I have been your father's/husband's primary doctor since he was about fourteen. You don't need to introduce yourselves because I already know who you are, well, all except for you young man, where do you fit in?" he says, spotting Pierre sitting beside me, and realises he has one extra person. He knows all about mum, Sarah, Callum and me, but dad never said anything about there being another boy in the family. "Hi... um... my name is Pierre. They adopted me after Josh rescued me one day. I had been sailing around the world when our yacht got caught in a cyclone and sunk," Pierre replies, deliberately not telling the doctor the full story behind his presence. I know why, because he is like me and feeling a little uncomfortable about the whole situation. The doctor doesn't need to know any more than that, since we know nothing about him, other than he looked after my dad for a long time. "Oh... well that explains it, welcome Pierre. I'm not sure that any of this will have much relevance to you, so please just bear with us while we get this out of the way... The first thing I want to do is show you a DVD that your father made. I have watched this myself, because I needed to understand what had gone wrong with your father, so I apologise for that, but he was my patient so I needed to know whether it was my failings or not. This video is more intended for Josh, although Callum, you are mentioned in it too. This might be hard to watch, so if it becomes too much let me know and I'll turn it off," he says. All of us struggle to contain our smirks when the doctor tells Pierre that this will have little relevance to him, because it is as important for him to understand about my father as it is for me. Mainly because it allows him to see what the man is like, but also it is going to help him to assist me if I ever need it in the future, as he is going to see the truth about my dad. I am getting very worried about what the video is going to contain, especially after the doctor informed us that it might be hard to watch. The nerves are back with vengeance, making me feel horrible and on the verge of throwing up again. Pierre takes hold of my hand, underneath the table so the doctor can't see, and squeezes it a little to remind me we are going through this together. I feel a smaller, more delicate hand groping around under the table, as Callum tries to find my other hand, because he needs me to hold him like I used to. I decide better of it and push my chair out from the table a little bit further, then pat my hand on my knee, which tells him immediately that he is allowed to sit on me. He does so without a second thought, and I wrap my free arm around my little brother so I can hug him. It feels like the old days when dad was on one of his rampages, but at least we know we are safe from him now. "Hello... please, don't turn off the TV, because I really want you to hear me out. I know I have made the biggest fuck up a father could ever make, and you probably never want to see my face again. I have been hiding a big secret from all of you, and not because I didn't trust you, it was more because... I was ashamed of myself... I have a bipolar disorder, which I can't explain a lot about, except it can turn me into someone I don't want to be... I know it is not an excuse in the slightest for what I put you through Josh, no excuse at all... there hasn't been a day when I haven't wished I could take the whole thing back. I treated you and Callum like rubbish... you didn't deserve it... no-one deserves to go through what I put you through... I am really truly sorry Josh and Callum, because I know I have ruined your childhoods on you... All I hope is that you have found some quality of life away from me, because I want you to be happy again... Josh, I never want you to forgive me for what I have done, because I don't deserve it... What I want from you is to continue to protect Callum for me, because you have done such an awesome job already... I'm proud of you son, for the way you stuck up for him even though you knew you would get hurt as a result... I hope one day Sarah will understand that it was me who destroyed our family... because I know she blames you at the moment Josh, and again I am sorry... I'm sorry for everything, except helping to give you wonderful kids life... that is the one great thing I have managed to achieve, even if I tried to ruin it." "Daddy, wait, I have forgiven Josh!" Sarah screams, a couple of moments before the doctor shuts off the TV. She is bawling her eyes out, like we all are. Her outburst doesn't surprise anyone, aside from the doctor, because we all know she was a daddy's girl, so is still trying to live up to his expectations. The whole video was eerie, but it didn't explain a huge amount either. The main thing I got from the clip is how distraught dad was at the way he had treated Callum and me. I know he said he had a bipolar disorder, but I have no idea what that is, let alone if it is supposed to affect him the way he said it did. It was seeing his face, and how truly sorry and gutted he was, which got us all crying. He was back to his old self when the video was made, so I could feel his love behind each and every word. It is too late for me not to forgive him, because I already have and I'm not going to take it back. I have to forgive him in order to help me to move forward, because if I hold a grudge against him for the rest of my life, then I could see myself becoming a bitter and twisted old man. Dad's apology touched my heart, and everyone else, because it was genuine. For a brief moment in time I had my old father back, but I wasn't here to see him. That thought makes me feel a little sad, but I am still aware of the danger he posed, so it was something that was never going to happen. "Well, now that you have seen the video I suppose it is my turn now. If you don't mind me asking, but what happened... what did he do that he regarded as so atrocious he ended up taking his own life? He never told me about the cause, just that he had... err... fucked up bad... as he put it," the doctors asks. I don't bother to look around the table to get mum's or Sarah's opinion, because I already know that it is entirely up to me whether I tell him or not. "Umm... I'm not sure if I want to say... not for my own protection, but because if dad never told you, then he must really feel embarrassed about it, and I don't blame him... Um... let's just say that he yelled at Callum a lot, and used his fists and feet against me... the other thing he did is something no father should do to their son, in more ways than just one," I say, wondering if he will get the cryptic hint I gave him. I'm sure he probably won't, but I wanted to be vague, because I couldn't bring myself to penalise my father any further. Hearing him referred to as a child rapist the other day actually hurt my feelings, so I don't want the doctor to look at him in the same light. "Ok... um... Don't worry about it, because there must be a very good reason why you are reluctant to tell me... Well I suppose I had better explain about bit about bipolar disorder. It is also known as manic depressive disorder, which basically means the person suffering from it tends to swing between a manic and depressive phase. A manic stage person can become violent if their condition is extreme enough, although most people at that level usually become incarcerated because they are no longer able to control their mood swings. There are varying degrees of severity of the manic and depressive phases, but by what you have already told me I can tell he must have deteriorated to an extreme level. I won't worry about explaining the depressive stage, because I'm confident you all have experienced bad depression," he says, then looks at us to confirm his beliefs. We all nod our heads so he knows we have all been there, and he doesn't need to go into any detail about depression. It is something I don't want to be reminded of, because it is a lonely dark hole, and a place I'm glad to be out of. "The manic phase is the dangerous and unpredictable one, because the person can end up doing things they would normally never do. The other major side effect of a severe manic episode is the person can experience hypersexuality, where the person can suddenly feel increased sexual urges, and if substance abuse is happening, such as drinking too much alcohol, then the person can feel little to no social or self-inhibitions," he tells us, causing our mouths to drop open in disbelief, as he has summed up what dad become like to a tee. Callum doesn't know what the doctor is talking about with hypersexuality, which is a good thing, because I am still determined to protect him from the truth. Although, the only reason I have any idea what he is on about is because I have experienced it, and the talk François, mum and Manuel's dad gave us about sex contained a bit about sexual urges. The word hyper being thrown in front indicates to me that is must be a very strong sexual urge that is impossible to ignore, so maybe he was having one of those at the time he raped me, and that is why he wasn't thinking straight. The doctor picks up on our change in expression when he talks about the sexual connotations around the disorder, but because he notices Callum's naïve and innocent look around the subject he decides it is best not to bring any more about that up. I think he has put two and two together and knows what dad did to me, but that is as far as he is going to take it which pleases me. He goes on to explain that dad was on mood balancing medication, but he can't understand how he managed to hide it from us. That is a mystery to everyone, and one that dad took to his grave, but the doctor tells us why he thinks dad hid it from us. It turns out that like a lot things, dad's mental condition has a stigma attached to it, and people don't know how to treat those with a mental illness. The result is what dad did, and people trying to hide their problem from as many people as they can. The stupid thing about it is if people treated them equally there would be no problem, and help can be sought before things get out of control. It is too late for me, too late for Callum, and now miles too late for dad, which makes me angry. Callum and I have suffered horrendously at the hands of an evil man, and yet all that man needed was help. If he hadn't been ashamed of his disorder and told his family what he had, then things would never have got so bad. I know that he is completely and utterly fucking stupid for not telling us, especially since we were supposed to be the ones closest to him, who he should trust the most. I think that what hurts is dad didn't trust us enough to tell us something which turned out to be an extremely important piece of information, which could have saved a lot of hurt and heartache. Society has a big role to play in it as well, because when will people get off the backs of those who are perceived to be different, and instead of steering clear of them, maybe offer help and/or support. It isn't just those with mental conditions, but what about gays and lesbians? Why can't I live in a world where there is no stigma attached to anything? It hurts, and the worst part is because of everything, it almost destroyed me, and my family as well. "Well, I hope that clears things up about why your father did the things he did, although if he stayed off the booze then none of it would have ever happened. I'm not making any excuses for his behaviour, because I feel betrayed by him. I have been his doctor since he was fourteen, but he still didn't trust me enough to ask for help when he needed it. It hurts me more than you realise, because I feel like I have failed in my job, and now I have heard the results of my failings and it makes me feel even worse. Your father was a good man, but far too pig-headed and stubborn for his own good, and what he did to you is inexcusable. Before I allow you to continue with whatever else you have planned for the day, I better tell you one more important piece of information," he says, then makes sure we are all listening to him properly, because this is obviously something that is imperative we hear. "Bipolar disorder has been linked through genetics. Margret and Pierre, you won't have anything to worry about, unless you have it in your family. Sarah, Josh and Callum, you need to be fully aware that you may have it, so I want you to take home this information brochure so you can recognise the symptoms, should any of you develop it. You don't need to worry too much if you do have it, because it is controllable, and you can still live a full and productive life. You will have to make a few sacrifices though, and also visit a mental health specialist at regular intervals. I'm sorry to drop this on you, but it is important you know now than find out when it is too late," he says, before shaking our hands and leaving the room. He knows we may need a little time for it to all sink in, so he doesn't kick us out, instead he just leaves us there. The potential of having it doesn't concern me too much, because despite my massive depressions I haven't experienced anything which could be classified as manic. I have never just had mood swings like he described. My mood wouldn't change from depressed to anything every two or three days, no, I just stayed depressed aside from the occasional heated argument with mum. At this stage I don't see it in Sarah or Callum either, but I don't really know my sister well enough to judge, but from how she has been lately I don't think she is. I know he had to tell us about it but I don't think we have anything to worry about, and I am aware it may not show up till we are older. I decide I've had enough sitting around thinking about things which are totally out of my control, so I let go of Pierre's hand then as gently as possible push Callum off my lap. Callum takes the hint and slides off me, albeit reluctantly. He is trying to get his head around all the information he has been given, because a lot of it he doesn't fully understand. He will be full of questions later as he does his best to get properly informed about what we have been told today, but until then his brain will continue to stew away whilst attempting to make sense of everything. Now he is off me I get up and stretch, before taking Pierre's hand, pulling him up, and then walking towards the door. Callum follows me absentmindedly, because it has become instinct for him. All the years I have tried to keep him from getting hurt by getting him to follow me to a safe place, means it is almost automatic for him now when his mind is otherwise occupied. Mum and Sarah notice me making my way to the door, and realise that there is no point sitting there worrying about something that may or may not happen, so get up and follow me too. We don't hang around the medical centre for a second longer than we have to, so we are quickly out the door and filing into the van. Within minutes we are back on the road heading back into the city centre, while mum is hoping that the others are at the rendezvous point in time. It isn't a huge issue, but will make things easier if they are, because otherwise we will have to try and find them. The good thing is we are running a little later than the time mum gave to Manuel's dad to meet us, so they should be there. Mum's main issue is going to be trying to find a park on the street, because she doesn't want to waste precious time having to park in a parking building. Upon reaching the centre, and the place mum got Manuel's dad to meet us, we can see they are all there waiting, but the best part is there is an empty loading zone in front of them, so it is going to make the next part a lot easier. Mum pulls the van to a stop right in front of everyone, and we are told to get out. Manuel's dad quickly jumps in the passenger's seat, and buckles in. Before mum leaves again she confirms with Sarah that she knows where the next meeting point is, which she acknowledges, then closes the door for Manuel's dad and waves goodbye as they pull out into the traffic and cruise off down the road. "Are we supposed to meeting mum at the Viaduct Basin in half an hour? Just wondering cos it seems miles away since we are halfway up Queen Street," I ask Sarah, after overhearing the pickup point. I have been here plenty of times before, so I know half an hour to get along Queen Street and over to the Viaduct Basin is going to be cutting it close. "Yes, but it should be plenty of time providing you don't get side-tracked. Just remember the last time you walked that far you would have been Callum's age, so it would have seemed like a long way. If you can keep the youngsters up to speed then we will get there in time no worries," she replies, whilst putting the onus on me to ensure Callum and Manuel keep up. With the way Callum is at the moment it could be a difficult task, because his mind is still elsewhere, as he attempts to make sense of everything from earlier. "Callum, stop worrying about earlier. If you don't understand what the doctor told us then ask mum and Sarah about it later, because they will be able to explain things in terms you understand. In the meantime your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to be the first person to each set of lights as we walk down the hill," I say, suddenly seeing a sparkle return to his eyes as he likes my plan. I can see this becoming a battle between him and Manuel, which could quickly get out of hand. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, before you start to have to listen to the rules. First rule is no running, and to make sure you stay in sight of everyone, because we don't want to lose you. The second rule is that if you take one step onto the road before the rest of us catch up, then you fail the mission and lose. Do you understand the rules, and happy to take on the mission?" I say, getting a crazily fast nodding of his head in reply. He likes it when I play Mission Impossible with him, even if I don't partake in the game as such. He likes the challenge and is fully aware the competition will come in the form of Manuel. I'm just glad it should mean we don't end up having to drag him down the hill and street like I first expected, but now I'm going to have to be vigilant to ensure neither of them break the rules. Once everyone starts to venture down the hill towards the harbour and Viaduct Basin, I give Callum and Manuel a signal stating ready, set, go. The two boys set off towards the next intersection as quickly as they can without running. Pierre and I follow them, trying our best to keep an eye on them as they make their way past our group. I soon notice one thing I overlooked in the rules, as they are so into the game I've made up for them that no-one will get in their way. Instead of negotiating their way around other pedestrians, they barge right through them, making a nuisance of themselves in the process. They soon disappear from sight, because of the sheer amount of people on the sidewalk. I had a feeling they wouldn't be able to stick to that part of the rules, but thankfully the blocks are small enough that they can't get too far ahead. Sure enough they come into view moments later, waiting patiently for us at the set of lights controlling the first intersection. "Another rule for you two monkeys. If you touch any other pedestrian then you get poisoned, so you have to stop and wait for the rest of us to catch up in order to get the antidote," I tell them, while we wait for the lights to let us cross, and their faces drop. They know how much harder it is going to be with this new rule, because they can't just barge past people like they had been. The good thing is they are up for the challenge, although I wonder how long it will be before they start cheating. The new rule works wonders for the remainder of the walk down the hill. Instead of killing their enthusiasm it seems to fuel it up further, as they duck, dive and try to weave their way around other pedestrians. Instead of giving up and going with the flow, they are actively trying to find the best and quickest way to negotiate the new obstacles. Every now and then we catch up to one of them, who is looking all fidgety because he accidently bumped into someone, and we are taking too long to catch up to him. It makes me happy to see that their rivalry hasn't led them to cheating in order to beat the other, and that becomes clearer when we make it to the bottom and I ask them who won. Neither of them had bothered to keep count, so had no idea who the winner was. It doesn't matter to me or them in the slightest because the smiles on their faces at least say they enjoyed themselves. We cross Quay Street at the bottom, so we are on the harbour side of the road, which will make walking to the Viaduct Basin so much easier. The foot traffic is just as heavy around here as it was on Queen Street, but down this part of the city it is mainly tourists. It seems like a very rushed tour of downtown Auckland for our guests since they haven't had much time to get to see much at all. To be honest they aren't missing out on a lot because there are much better places to see in the country than here. I haven't seen a huge amount of New Zealand, but what I have seen outside of Auckland makes me appreciate how much more this country has to offer outside the big urban metropolis we are in. My favourite place that I have been would be Taupo Bay, so I'm eager to get back up there again. Almost as soon as we get to our destination mum pulls up in the van beside us. "Get in, I've changed my mind. We won't be staying the night in Auckland like I had initially planned, instead we will be heading north and probably go as far as Whangarei before stopping for a rest," mum says frantically, because she is illegally parked so wants us in as quickly as possible. We pile in and take our seats in short order, meaning mum is only stopped for just over a minute tops, before we are on our way. "What did you have to get mum, and why the sudden change of plan?" I ask, curious about what is going on. I'm not expecting an answer, but figured I would try anyway. "What we were getting is none of your business. We are heading north because we are supposed to get a gloriously fine day the day after tomorrow, so I thought it would be good to show everyone Taupo Bay in all its glory. After that we are in for a long trip, because I plan to take us all on a South Island tour," she replies, stunning me completely because I honestly didn't expect to get any sort of answer from her. While the others cheer and talk excitedly about mum's plans, I start to wonder what is really going on. I know she is hiding something, because I doubt she would suddenly change her plans just because we are supposed to get a perfectly fine day. I mean I want to show everyone the best of Taupo Bay, but even I wouldn't go out of my way to do so. The weather isn't bad, but definitely isn't the best it could be, but compared to yesterday it is glorious today. The wind has eased right back at this stage, but it is still overcast, with a grey depressing sort of low cloud hanging around, but it looks like it is slowly breaking up. The weather tomorrow looks like we will at least get fine spells, which would be good enough for me to visit Taupo Bay. I just don't understand why she is in a rush to get up there, because having a fine day doesn't seem too important to me, so I know she is up to something. Knowing I'm not going to be able to come up with any further answers, I wrap an arm around Pierre and pull him into me. He starts asking me all sorts of questions about the South Island, now he knows I've stopped trying to come up with solutions to problems that don't really exist. Unfortunately I can't answer his questions because I've never been down there myself, so for that part of the trip I'm once again a tourist. It gets me excited for it knowing we are going to be delving into the unknown, and Pierre's enthusiasm about it is also rubbing off on me. I tell him what I know about the area, which isn't much, but still enough to make him even more excited about going there. The only thing which concerns me is that we are in the middle of winter, so the potential of getting ice or snow while we are there is high. I want to see the white stuff, but I'm unsure about mum's ability to drive in it. That is what scares me the most. We stop to get some food for dinner not long after we leave Auckland. Mum can't be bothered with anything too fancy as it will take too long, and I think we would all agree with that, so we stop for a local New Zealand delicacy, fish and chips. "Do you think we will see Dan and Caleb while we are down south?" Pierre asks, bringing up something I hadn't even considered, after we have all finished eating. He had been about to ask it before we stopped for dinner, but didn't get a chance, so he has been stewing on it for a while. I shrug my shoulders letting him know that I have no idea, but I'm assuming we won't because mum would have surely told us. "Mum, are we going to visit Dan and Caleb while we are in the South Island?" I ask, knowing it is better to try to find out, than it is to act like I don't know. She might be planning on it, and forgotten to mention it, so I better find out. "Oh... um... I had forgotten that they live down there. Tell you what if you can find out where they live I will try to find some time to see them," she replies, crushing my hopes at the same time. I have lost and forgotten their phone number, so I can't use mum's phone to ring them, and the other big setback is we don't have a computer. All the hotels we have stayed at offer free Wi-Fi, but with no computer I can't get online. I know Caleb has a Facebook page, so I could contact him through that, like I have many times before. I first met him through the social networking site, while he and Dan were in hospital after their accident during a huge cyclone swell which pounded the area. That was while we were living in Taupo Bay, and I broke the rules of our protection by doing it, but hey, I was doing little else in school so at least that was productive. My only solution is to buy a computer myself, but I don't think that will go down too well. I figure I might as well try. "Mum, is there any chance I can buy a computer...? You know, so I can get in contact with Dan and Caleb, because I really want to see them again, especially after they came to see us while we were in hospital," I ask, trying to plead my case with her, in hopes that she feels a little sympathetic towards me. "Hmmm... at this stage no, because we won't be staying anywhere with a computer store long enough for you to get one. On the other hand I plan on staying a couple of days in Dunedin city, because I hear there is a lot to see and do there, so you might get a chance while we are there," she replies, again crushing any hope I have, because I'm sure they live somewhere around Dunedin. "Don't they live somewhere around Dunedin, I mean it could be too late to arrange anything by then," I say, on the verge of tears in disappointment. I feel like it would be rude to go to the South Island and not visit them. I feeling a little annoyed mum hadn't told us about it earlier, because maybe we could have figured something out while we were in Auckland. "Shit... look I'm sorry honey, but I didn't even think about it. I will try and figure something out, but we are going to be on a pretty tight schedule. Try not to worry about it and enjoy the trip, because you should know things have a way at working themselves out if it was meant to be," she says, trying not to kill all hope, but also making me wonder if she has planned something and is trying to hide it. The thought of that alone calms me right down, because it will mean that we will get to see them again, somewhere and somehow. Pierre also senses what I'm thinking which helps his fears ease, because he wants to see them as much as me. Bastian turns around in his seat to ask me about it, because he remembers them from his time with them, and wants to see them again as well. I try to tell him not to worry because I think mum has something planned, but that ends up the worst thing to say, because he ends up getting overexcited. That of course triggers the youngsters, until François reminds us that it isn't a given yet, and that we might be jumping to conclusions too early. He's right, and nothing feels worse than when you think something great is going to happen, only to be disappointed when it doesn't, so everyone quickly calms down again. Xavier starts to ask Bastian lots of question about who Dan and Caleb are, the moment he is back in his seat properly. Bastian answers all he can, but inevitably Pierre and I were always going to get dragged into the conversation. We have to tell him how we know them, which leads to more and more questions. After a while he runs out of things to ask, well, all except for one thing. He then wants to know whether we think they will like him, because he is scared they might not like him as much as us. I doubt that will be the case, and tell him that. He is the sort of kid I think will have no problems making friends, so he will have no problems with Dan and Caleb. In fact now that he is Bastian's boyfriend I think they will like him even more, but I have to stop thinking about them, because I don't want to be left disappointed. I am helped in taking my mind off them when mum pulls up in front of a hotel. It turns out we had been asking Xavier's questions for so long that we have made it to Whangarei without realising. She parks the car and gets out leaving it idling as she disappears into the hotel, making me think she hasn't bothered to try and make a booking in advance. The good side of things is that it is the off season for this part of the country, so she shouldn't have too much of a problem finding a hotel with enough rooms available. She is only gone a short time before she comes out again, so I'm unsure if they are able to have us. She doesn't say anything to us either, so we have to wait and see, but I think we must be staying here the night because she hasn't put on her seatbelt. I assume right, because mum pulls the van off the road and pulls into a car park in the hotel lot. She kills the engine and gets out again, indicating to us that we should as well. It doesn't take long before we have all filed out of the van and are waiting for mum to lead the way. She does after opening the boot and grabbing her bag, which reminds us all that we are going to want to do the same. Once we have our bags mum closes up the van and ensures she locks it. Then we all head inside and up to the reception to check in. The good thing this time around is our rooms are all grouped together, but even better is we have not been told that an adult must accompany each child, so I'm hoping Pierre and I will get a room to ourselves again. I know better than to inquire about it, especially since we are still at the reception counter, but mum is unlikely to give anything away in any case. She makes a show of giving François, Manuel's grandma and grandpa a key, but I know she has an extra one still on her. I'm still not going to get my hopes up, but it is looking promising we might get our own room, although I wouldn't put it past her to give the key to either Sarah, or Bastian and Xavier, just to annoy me. We follow her as she leads us to our rooms, which for the first time are actually on the ground floor. Once at the rooms, mum points out to François which one is his and the youngsters', so they open up and wander in. I can see Manuel's grandpa sneaking a look into the room while they are heading in, and seems to see whatever it is he is looking for. "Sorry Margret, I hope you don't mind but I'm going to give Josh and Pierre the room to themselves. I know they are responsible enough to have a room to themselves, and I want to keep François company, while also spending some time with my grandson," he says, throwing us the keys before mum gets a chance to reply. Pierre and I just smile at each other, because this is what we wanted more than anything. "Ok, I won't stop you Fabien, but I had intended on giving them their own room tonight. Who am I going to give the spare room to now then?" mum asks, not quite sure how she is going to work things out, because she hadn't considered this eventuality. She knows she has two options, but doesn't want to upset anyone in the process, so is hoping the answer will work itself out for her. "Give the room to Sarah, because she is a teen so probably wants and needs the privacy more than anyone. In any case if you want to give Bastian and Xavier their own room then all it will require is Jean sleeping with you" he replies, stating the obvious, because without thinking about it mum had booked two extra rooms. She had got so used to booking four rooms that she did so without thinking, and then booked the extra room on top. This of course incidentally made things a lot easier, but she is feeling a bit stupid for not having worked it out. Manuel's grandpa then disappears into the room and closes the door, while the rest of us get ourselves organised and go into our rooms. It is getting pretty late so we dump our bags, and strip off our clothes. We will worry about things like a shower tomorrow, so we open our bags and rummage through them till we find our toiletries bags, which we take through to the bathroom and brush our teeth. We quickly do our business in the toilet before wandering back through to the bedroom and climbing into bed. We snuggle close together like usual and follow that up with a tender loving kiss, before drifting off to the pleasant world of sleep. ************ Comments are always welcome at (pennywise3636@gmail.com). Please keep all comments clean. If possible please kick in a few bucks at the Nifty Website, to keep it up and running. 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