Date: Sun, 16 Jun 2013 11:07:59 +1200 From: bob charles Subject: Washed Up (Gay / Young friends) chapter 7 Washed Up. Disclaimer: Warning: this story contains sexual content, contact between young boys, and other themes that may offend. If the subject matter offends you, is not to your tastes, or if you are under legal age for your area, then find something else to read. In the following story all names and events are completely fictional. Although I may mention a specific location, place, or person any resemblance to said people, location, or places is completely unintentional. Chapter 7: There is a large entranceway in one of the walls which leads through to the kitchen - diner. There is a huge rectangular dining room table made from Mahogany. It looks pretty wicked. It is surrounded by six matching Oak chairs, and there is still plenty of space to add more if you need to. On the far side of the table is a breakfast bar, which is adjoined to a large modern kitchen. The bench tops are all white, made from some cheap laminate product most likely. The cupboards are the same laminate product as the bench top, but they actually have a bit of colour to them, a dull yellow, but it is better than no colour at all. The kitchen is fitted with the most modern of kitchen appliances, as you would expect. But yet again there is no wow factor to the place, which makes me appreciate the cosy little cottage we had been living in before, even more. One of the remaining two agents takes his place at the entrance to the hall, while the other takes a seat in an armchair along with mum. The agent in the chair starts to explain all what we are going to need to know, as well as briefing us on the latest with dad. No news on that front, he seems to have vanished off the face of the world. The agent then hands mum a completely new set of documentation, you know ID, birth certificates, etc. We find out that even though we are under high alert we are still expected to go to school, and continue life as normally as possible. The difference this time is that we will have agents monitoring us every time we leave the house. The only real change for Callum and me is that our last name has now been changed to Baker. ************ Because Sarah hasn't been through this before, the rundown the agent has to give us is a lot more in depth than it would have been if she wasn't here. It takes just as long as it did the first time we went through it. It is quite frustrating having to go through it all over again, but I just sit there and put up with it as there really isn't anything else we can do. Once the agent has finished going through the drill, he stands up and leaves the house along with his partner. Callum and I really don't want to stick around in the room now that the agents have left, as mum is in there and we are both still too pissed off with her to put up with her any longer. We take the chance to wander around the rest of the house now that we don't have to sit around any longer. The house has four bedrooms, with the master suit being the first door on the left as you enter. It has a huge super king sized bed in it, along with a walk in wardrobe, and an ensuite. Furnishing wise it has little, other than a couple of bedside tables and a modern design dressing table. The next room on the left is a smaller sized bedroom with a queen sized bed, a large set of drawers, and bedside tables. In fact the remaining two bedrooms are pretty much exactly the same in terms of size and furnishings. They are all pretty uninspiring due to the sterile bland look to them. Well, should I say the modern minimalistic look. It definitely isn't my cup of tea. I decide to open up the set of drawers in the last bedroom that we go into. They are full of clothes. I rifle through the clothes, and quickly find out that the room we are in must be Callum's, as all the clothes in the drawers are all in his size. We quickly head back to the next bedroom and again I rummage through the set of drawers in there. Well they are definitely boy's clothes and in my size, so I figure that this must be my room. Callum gives me a really disappointed look at seeing that we are both in different rooms. "We can still sleep in the same room, as the bed is plenty big enough for the two of us." I tell Callum, as I hug him. I know why he is disappointed, as ever since this all started we have been sharing a room. I will have it no other way either, as I can look after him better if we share a room and I feel a lot better about knowing that he is safe. "Are you sure...? Um... do mind if I sleep with you tonight?" Callum asks me rather timidly. It is almost like he is scared to ask. I don't know why he would be scared, but I suppose with everything that has happened, he's probably still not thinking straight which concerns me quite a bit. "Of course little buddy. I don't want to be on my own tonight anyway." I reply to him. He gives me the warmest smile which makes me feel so good on the inside. He hasn't been smiling anywhere enough lately so every time I see one on his face makes me so happy. Callum then latches onto me in a big hug. The problem is I am not sure whether he is ever going to let me go. We continue hugging for a little while, and I am really starting to think that he isn't going to let me go. So I suddenly pick him up high enough that his arms go over my head, before he has time to react and latch back onto me, I throw him on the bed. It is a little awkward as he still tries to grab a hold of me in the process. Once he is on the bed I jump on him and start to tickle him. I don't really know what has come over me, but it is probably that I am so sick of seeing him depressed that I really want to cheer him up and get him having fun again. Callum just cracks up laughing while writhing around trying to escape from my ministrations. His face is red from laughing so hard, and tears are welling up in his eyes. I have forgotten how ticklish he is, but boy am I glad to hear him laugh again, even if he has no choice in the matter. The more he laughs the harder I tickle him. He is squirming around underneath me so much that I am really struggling to stay on top of him. Sweat is pouring from his forehead matting down his gorgeous golden blonde hair, which really does make him look cute as a button. It is his adorable high pitch boyish laugh that is what I'm enjoying the most. His laugh really is like music from the heavens to my ears. The dark black fog in my head has temporarily dispersed, as I am actually having a little bit of fun torturing Callum by tickling him. Callum is having a fit as he tries desperately to squirm from under me. He is laughing so hard now that every once in a while he snorts like a pig, which caused me to crack up laughing. He uses this opportunity to try to tickle me back, but it is short lived as I'm not ticklish like he is. Once I manage to control my laughing I continue the torture on my little brother. "Joshy... please... stop... I... think... I'm... going to... wet myself." Callum somehow manages to say whist in a fit of laughter. I figure that I had better ease up and get off him. I also think that I might have been a little late at stopping as there is a little wet patch on the crotch of his shorts, which are also tented up from the contact and the desperate need to pee. "Come on let's find the toilet before you wet yourself anymore." I tell my little brother, who immediately looks down to the wet patch on the crotch of his shorts. He looks totally humiliated, and tears start to well up in his eyes making me feel a little guilty for not only pointing it out, butalso for tickling him to the point of peeing his pants. "Look, don't worry about it, accidents happen. Anyway with how much you were laughing I'm not surprised that it happened." I tell him as I pull him up off the bed, and then embrace him in a comforting hug. Callum half hugs me back, but one of his hands has a tight hold on his little piss boner. He is also rocking from foot to foot, so I know he is getting exceedingly desperate. I keep one arm around his shoulder hugging him, as we wander out of the room to search the house for the toilet. The toilet is in its own room with a little vanity unit. Like the rest of the house it is painted in a neutral cream sort of colour. I guide Callum to the toilet. As I pull the toilet seat up, Callum drops his shorts and undies, exposing his stiff little pecker. I figure that I might as well take a pee now too, so I don't have to take one later, so drop my pants too, and follow with the diaper which has been put on me after my second accident. It is easier for me to take a leak as my little 1 ½ inch dick is still soft. Callum doesn't have a huge amount of trouble as he is used to dealing with a piss boner, but he also has the advantage of his stiffie pointing out at a 90 degree angle from his body. He just pushes it down a little more trying to aim it at the bowl. We both release out thin streams of yellowish pee at the same time, and then proceed to chase the little jets of pee erupting from our dickies around the toilet bowl. It is kind of fun doing this with my brother who seems to get into it a little too enthusiastically, which results in him missing the bowl completely a couple of times. `Oh well mum can clean that up' I think to myself. Our game quickly ends as our streams ease back to little more than a dribble. We shake ourselves off and pull up our pants, before heading to Callum's room so that he can change out of his wet pants and undies. "I think we should have a shower before you change." I tell Callum, who is rummaging through his drawers trying to find which one contains his pyjamas. "Ok, sounds good." Callum replies, as he pulls out a set of white summer PJ's with Transformers printed on them. He bundles them up and follows me, as I go to my room to get some nightwear. I rifle through my drawers looking for what I am going to need. I find some pyjamas but I don't have what is the most import thing, which is a bit of a concern. Then I remember that I have on a diaper, so it must mean that mum has bought some more. That leaves me with another problem, as I am going to have to talk to mum. My prayers are answered when my sister shows up at the door to my room, carrying a bag full of Goodnight diapers. I am so relieved at getting out of having to talk to mum, although I'm still not sure how I feel about my sister. She doesn't say anything to me. Instead she just throws the bag onto my bed and disappears, almost as quickly as she appeared in the first place. I know that she is trying to be nice to me, but after so long of her hating me, it's kind of hard to just ignore it and forgive her. I now have some light blue summer pyjamas and a diaper, all that we need now are some towels. I scour around the hall searching for the linen cupboard. There is one in the hall, but it only contains bedding, and a vacuum cleaner. No towels. We then search for the bathroom, as I think that the towels must be in there. The bathroom is easy to find as it is right beside the toilet. Inside the bathroom is sleek and clean. It is fully tiled. It is mainly tiled with white tiles, with the occasional black one to add a bit of colour. There is a standalone shower cubicle, which is a surprise to us, as we have only ever had a shower which is above the bathtub. The shower cubicle is made of clear curved glass, but after having a proper look at the door at the entrance it doesn't bother me, as there is a lock on it so no chance of someone walking in a seeing me naked while I wash myself. Next to the shower is a decent sized bathtub of a modern square design. On the opposite side of the room is a good sized vanity unit, with a built in medicine cabinet above it. The medicine cabinet holds a mirror in its door. Beside the vanity is a large cupboard, which is full of towels, face clothes, and anything else that you will need in the bathroom. All the furnishings are unsurprisingly a white colour and modern in design. I close and lock the bathroom door once we have entered, and then go and start the shower running. I am caught off guard by the pressure of the shower, as it is a lot higher than what I have become used to at Taupo Bay. It almost stings my hand as I feel the water to check the temperature. The water heating must be gas as the water is instantly up to temperature. I adjust it till I am happy that it isn't too hot. Once satisfied I go over to the cupboard to get a towel for both of us. Callum quickly strips, while I am getting the shower running and then grabbing some towels. He stands there naked waiting for me to get unchanged. I drop the towels on the ground within easy reach of the shower, and start to strip. Once unchanged, I hop into the shower followed closely by my little brother. The shower cubicle is easily big enough for the two of us, and the spread of the highly pressurised water is perfect, as it coats both of us perfectly with its warm clean water. We stand there for a while enjoying the massaging qualities of high water pressure. That mixed with the soothing relaxing properties of the warm water flowing over our naked bodies, just makes it feel like we are in another world. All of our problems are temporarily forgotten, as if they are being washed down the drain like the sweat and grime from our bodies. Once I feel like I have relaxed enough I quickly realise that I have totally overlooked something. There is no soap or shampoo in the shower. I release a deep sigh knowing I have overlooked such a vital part of having a shower, but I can't be bothered looking for some in the bathroom as I am too relaxed and tired. Callum seems to be in a trance as the warm water cascades over his slick naked torso. His problems are the last of his worries, as he just enjoys one of the simple pleasures in life. His face looks the most relaxed and tranquil it has been for a few days. Callum is so lost in the moment that he doesn't notice that I haven't soaped him up, nor does he notice when I shut off the water. He finally snaps back to reality when I give him a gentle shake. I am tempted to tickle him again, but he may overreact to the stimulation and panic. We get out of the shower and dry off. Once dried off we put on our pyjamas, which ends up in me laughing. Whoever has bought Callum's clothes mustn't have checked all the labels, and as a result the pyjamas are too small for him. The pyjama top only just reaches down to his navel, but the gap at the bottom of the top makes his innie bellybutton clearly visible. His shorts barely cover anything, and if he was a little bigger in the dickie department it probably would have hung out below the leg hole. But he looks so cute dressed like that. Callum never takes any offense when I laugh at the way he is dressed, instead he looks himself over to see why I have laughed at him. He starts to crack up laughing now that he realises how much too small the clothes are on him. Once we have regained our composure, I unlock the door and head towards Callum's room. I have presumed that he will want to change into clothes that fit him better, but he heads straight into my room, indicating that he isn't worried about what he is wearing. I quickly follow, and close the door behind me, and then we both jump into my bed. Callum stretches and yawns, and then he clings onto me. I hug him back but I am starting to wonder how he can still be tired when he has spent most of the car trip sleeping. He seems to sleep a lot more than I remember ever doing at his age. I have never quite worked out how he can sleep so much, especially when he has done nothing all day. "Callum, how do you sleep so much? I mean you just slept most of the trip, and now you're tired again." I ask my brother. "I don't really know. I don't feel like I sleep that much... it's kinda hard to explain. It's almost like I switch my brain off... you know like a light switch. If I don't, then I see bad pictures... that's why I get grumpy when I get woken up... all the bad pictures come back into my head as I try to wake up." Callum explains to me. I hug him tighter as I realise it is his way of coping with the nightmares. It also sort of explains why he seems to be tired so much. His mind isn't resting as he sleeps like it should be. Instead it is concentrating on trying to block all the bad images which are trying to invade his head. "What are the bad pictures of?" I ask him. I think that I had a pretty good idea of what they are, but I figure that had better hear it from him, just to be safe. "They are of you... get... getting beaten... up by... by... by dad." He sobs, as the images comes flashing back to him. I hug him tighter, and give him a kiss on the forehead. I was secretly hoping that I had been wrong with what I thought, but I haven't, and now I am feeling guilty again. It really does seem that even though he has never been physically hurt, just seeing me get hurt is enough to emotionally scar him. It really hurts me to know this, but I'm still glad that he never got beaten. "I'm sorry, I just wish there was something I could do, to help you get over it." I tell Callum, who just hugs me tighter, and snuggles his head into me as he continues to sob. The next time I look down on him he is sound asleep with tears still trickling down his cheeks. I have just about drifted off to sleep, when a dark shadow appears in the doorway. Dad has found me. I try to scream but nothing comes out of my mouth. I try desperately to roll over to wake Callum, so that we can run off, but I am again paralysed in fear. My body is shaking uncontrollably, and I am sweating profusely. My mind has shut down again, as I stare in a trance at my naked father, and his hideous big boner. I am in the grips of yet another night terror, putting an end to any chance of getting a good night's sleep. "Mum, where is Callum, as he's not in his bed?" Sarah calls from Callum's empty room, after she has gone to check on him. "He's probably sleeping with his brother. I told you that they were really close. It's been a while since they have had their own room, and Callum's probably not comfortable with the idea after everything that has happened." Mum hollers back to our sister. Sarah then opens the door to my room, just a crack, enough so that she can see in. "Josh, are you alright?" Sarah asks me, after seeing me staring wide eyed, with a look of sheer terror on my face. She is really worried, especially at seeing the way my body is shaking, and the sweat that is literally pouring from me. She comes over to my side of the bed and reaches out to grab my arm. "Sarah, don't touch him." Mum yells with an urgent, panicked tone in her voice. It is too late as Sarah gently grips my arm. I feel something grab my arm. It must be dad, it has to be as all I can see is a huge shadow right beside me. It breaks my night terror, but I panic, and release a shriek high pitch scream. My heart is thumping so hard against my chest that I think it is going to burst out. My shaking became even more intense, before my body completely shuts down. I suddenly lose all consciousness, as my heart beat suddenly crashes. It stops completely for a few moments, but it does come back but has become very weak. Callum wakes abruptly after hearing my scream, and panics. He tries desperately to scramble from out of the bed and hide somewhere, fearing the worst. When his mind finally starts to make sense of everything he calms down a little, at knowing that the intruder is just our sister. He then sees the condition I am in, and scrambles back to bed to try and comfort me. Sarah just stands there in shock, as she has no idea as to what has just happened. Mum bursts into the room, and quickly comes to the side of the bed. She checks my pulse, before racing back out. When I wake I am lying in a single bed, which surprises me. The room around me is dimly lit, but it is bland and sterile, even worse than the house we have just moved into. It has more of a dated feel to it, and I can hear this incessant beeping noise. I look over to where the noise is coming from, and see a monitor with a squiggly sort of line on it. I quickly realise that I am in hospital. There are lots of wires stretching from the monitor to various points on my chest. Worst of all is that all I am now wearing one of those hideous green hospital gowns. I am suddenly latched onto by an extremely worried Callum. It is now that I also notice that mum and Sarah are also in the room, but they were both asleep sitting on a seat. Callum hugs me tightly while bawling his eyes out. I try to hug him back, but my arms feel extremely heavy. I struggle persistently and manage to wrap an arm around my brother, and start to try and stroke his back. I am now starting to wonder as to what the hell had happen, and how I ended up in this god forsaken place. I really hate hospitals. "Well hello. You gave everyone quite a scare." A deep booming voice says. It is a doctor who has just entered the room, after seeing that my vital signs have improved from on a monitor, which is somewhere else in the hospital. "What the hell happened? How the fuck did I end up here?" I ask in a shitty tone of voice, but my throat is hoarse and dry so I don't think it has the effect that I had intended. "Well to put it simply, your body went into shock. Those night terrors you get must be really severe, as when your sister saw you having one, she became worried. She reached out to try to comfort you, but you panicked something chronic, and your body shut down as a result." The doctor explains to me. I know what he is talking about because it has happened before, when I first started having them. Mum had done the same thing as my sister, and the result was pretty much the same. "Did my heart stop this time? And how long have I been out?" I ask in my hoarse soft voice. The doctor gives me a surprised look after hearing my question. Obviously mum hasn't filled the doctor in on my last visit for the same thing. Last time they had to revive me, as my heart had stopped completely. "No thankfully, your heart didn't stop, but it was extremely weak. So weak, that we are surprised that it was still beating at all. You have been in a coma for six days as a result." The doctor replies honestly. I am happy with that as last time I had been out for a good week and a half, at least. Maybe I am improving. Callum is still clinging to me for dear life. His face is still buried in my chest, as he continues to cry his little heart out. The doctor has come over to do some checks to make sure everything is looking alright. At one point he tries to move Callum away so he can have better access to me. "No leave him alone, he's alright there. You will just have to find a way to work around him." I say bluntly to the doctor. As much as I know that he is only trying to help me, my brother still comes first and he needs me. The doctor shrugs his shoulders and does the best he can to work around my little brother. "So anyway, I take it you have had this happen before? Could you fill me in, as your mum hasn't said anything about it, and we are having some difficulties finding your medical records." The doctor asks me. I know straight away why they can't find my records. Due to the rush at having to rehouse us, the witness protection agents mustn't have had time to change the name on my medical records. I don't know whether to tell them where to look or not, as I can't remember what I have been told about disclosing information like that. "His medical records are under a different name. If you follow me I may be able to give you more information, depending on what the person in charge says." Mum says to the doctor. She has only just woken up, but has still heard the last thing that the doctor had asked. She gets out of the seat, and wanders over to the side of the bed, still wiping the sleep from her eyes. "I'm so glad to see you awake and talking again. Callum I think it would pay to give your brother some space." Mum says, as she gives me a hug, and kisses my forehead. I try to cling onto Callum tighter to let him know that I don't want him to go. Mum sighs and shakes her head, before leading the doctor out of the room to see the agent in charge of us, who undoubtedly will be right outside the door. Callum is still crying on my chest, and holding onto me as tight as he can. I have scared the shit out of him again, and I know it is going to take a while for him to calm down again. Sarah is just starting to wake up, and I really don't know whether I can face her. She did this to me, but I still can't blame her too much. She wasn't to know, and mum hadn't had a chance to warn her. Then there is the fact that she was only trying to look out for me. What am I saying, she has never looked out for me before so why has she started to now. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean for this to happen. You looked so scared, so I thought that I would try to help you, and this happened. I'm so, so sorry. Please forgive me." Sarah says once she has woken up enough to notice that I am awake. She leaps out of her chair and rushes over to my bedside and hugs me tightly. I feel so smothered having both Callum and my sister hugging me at the same time, but I really want Pierre to be with me too. I start to cry now as Pierre's image enters my head. I miss him so much, and it is just so hard to look at things positively without him. "It's alright sis, you weren't to know." I sob to Sarah. She looks a little confused seeing me crying, as she doesn't think that I should have got upset from her apology. I can tell by looking at her that she hasn't woken up properly, so her mind isn't quiet engaged. It takes her a while to work out why I have started crying. Callum I think has worked it out pretty quick as I feel him squeeze me tighter. He doesn't say anything as I think it upsets him too much to, remembering about Pierre. "You want him don't you...? Pierre? That's what his name is, isn't it?" Sarah asks me. I cry even harder but manage to nod my head to tell her that she is right. I can see through my tears that her mind has suddenly gone into overdrive like she is working hard on the answer to a problem. "I will find a way to get him back, since he means so much to you. I promise, as it's the least I can do." Sarah says. I now know what she was all of a sudden thinking about, and it makes my heart do a little jump with joy. It even shows up on the heart monitor which catches me a little surprised, as I have always just thought that it is a figure of speech. "You will, but how?" Callum asks in a weak enthusiastic voice. He beats me to it, but I am glad to see an element of excitement back in him. He has stopped crying after hearing what our sister has promised. All Sarah and I can do is smile, my smile is pretty weak but it is still there. "I'm not exactly sure how I will do it. But I will work on mum first, and try to make her see some sense." Sarah replies smiling. It is the most excited I have felt in a while, as I am filled with a new sense of hope. I try hard not to believe it too much, as I am scared of being let down. But it doesn't work, and I am now looking forward to seeing Pierre again. If it doesn't happen, then I will be completely devastated, and probably won't believe anyone else ever again. My sister now has a huge weight on her shoulders, as both Callum and I are relying on her to accomplish what she has promised. I'm not sure how much Sarah realises the importance of what she has just promised, but I can tell from the look in her eye that she is going to give it her best shot. I am kept under observation for another four days. The doctors have decided it is in my best interests to do so, after they have acquired my medical records. They also advise me to see a child psychologist, as they think it may help me get over the events which still plague my life. I am not so sure, as I have been to lots of them before, and it did me no good what so ever. Mind you, I was never willing to talk with them about anything, mainly because I am ashamed about what happened, but also because I don't trust anyone and especially don't trust official looking people. Each night I stay in the hospital they give me a strong special sedative to help me to sleep. It works to make me sleep, but in all other aspects, everything else is the same. I get really bored just lying there in the hospital bed, and it takes a long time for me to regain my strength, so there is little I can do. Callum spends most of the time while I am here, latched onto me. We are pretty much inseparable, as I won't allow anyone to make him move. Sarah and mum also stay with me to keep me company, but I am still angry with mum, and Sarah is trying to formulate a plan so we can see Pierre again. So their company isn't exactly the greatest. Worst of all is it gives me too much time to think, and Pierre is all that enters my brain which just leads me into a much deeper black hole than I was in before. The most uncomfortable part is when the doctor removes the catheter which is inserted into the pee slit of my little dickie. I really hate having those things removed. It is also very frustrating the first time I go to use the toilet again, as it's amazing how quickly you forget how to take a leak. I am sitting on the toilet for ages trying to force myself to pee. It isn't until I give up, and relax that the pee starts to dribble from my dick. I finally remember that you don't force yourself to take a piss, it's almost the opposite. You have to sort of relax the muscles in your dick. I am so relieved at having worked that out again, as the doctors would have kept me here until I remembered how to take a leak otherwise. I am still pretty weak when I get discharged, and the doctors tell me that I should take it easy until I have fully regained my strength. The good part about that is that it gives me a good excuse not to have to start my new school this week. I sulk around the house instead, as I can't really go for a walk to explore as I won't make it back. The weather has also packed it in for a few days which doesn't help. It is overcast with just a light, but constant drizzle. There is also a howling westerly making it feel quite cold for summer in the North Island. I play on the PlayStation against Callum most of the time. Callum refuses to start back at school until I am better, and mum can't be bothered arguing with him, so she gives in. Sarah finally comes up with a basic plan, and tells us what she wants us to do. Part of the plan is going to involve going against what the witness protection program informed us, as I am going to have to use the net to try and track Pierre down. We aren't supposed to use social networking sites, as dad could potentially track us down through them. But I have been using them for a while, and no harm has come from it yet. Dad is also too old fashioned to ever use such technology, so we know it is pretty safe. Sarah also tells me that I should take the doctor's advice, and see a child psychologist. She figures that the more people to put pressure on mum the better, and even though she doesn't know jack shit about my relationship with Pierre, she can still tell that we are meant for each other. So she figures the child psychologist will too. Sarah is going to work on mum, which she informs us might take a while, as she will have to wait for the right time to approach her about it. But we still have one major problem, which is the money side of it. She can't see mum being willing to pay, and she doesn't know about the money I have set up in a trust account. It doesn't really matter as I can't see mum allowing me to use it anyway. So we all have to try to find a way of getting the money. Sarah has planned on confronting mum after we have been at school for a few days, but I screw things up and put back the time frame. I am devastated on the first day of school when I realise that for the first time Callum and I are going to be at separate schools. As we are now living in a city all the primary schools only go from year 1 to 6. I have the choice of going to an intermediate school, years 7 to 8, or a high school which covers years 7 to 13. But mum has already made the decision for me, and enrolled me at intermediate. She doesn't think I am ready for high school yet. Well I am not even ready for intermediate. The worst part with going to intermediate is that for the first time in my schooling life I have to wear a uniform. The uniform consists of navy blue pants and jersey, as well as a light blue, almost aqua in colour, collared polo shirt. The jersey has a little picture on the top right hand side, which is the schools logo. We also have to wear black leather school shoes. I stick out like a sore thumb as I enter the school grounds, with my head drooped and my hands shoved firmly deep in my pockets. I feel the eyes of everyone around burning into me, as they wonder who the new kid is. I ignore them all, and hope that they will do the same to me. I am still battling bouts of severe depression, and not having Callum with me makes things worse. I feel lonely, but yet don't want to befriend anyone. Thankfully for the moment anyway, everyone leaves me alone. Well that is until I walk into the school bully. "Well, well, well. Look what we have here, fresh meat to pick on. Give me all your money and you won't get hurt." The bully says in an intimidating sounding voice. Well as intimidating as a boy with a high pitch voice can sound. He is a big boy, probably bordering on 13 years old. But for all of his size there isn't a huge amount of muscle, strangely though there also isn't a lot of fat. I think he is probably just big boned. His face looks staunch and sour, with piercing brown eyes that seem to look right through you as if you are scum. His hair is shaved close to his scalp, and is a black colour. He has a short fat nose to go with his round fat face. He is flanked on each side by his cronies. "Fuck off you shithead!" I say affirmatively, and give him a big shove, which catches him off guard and he stumbles backwards. He looks baffled by my reaction, as he can tell that I am not scared to fight him. The bully quickly backs off, as he is used to using his intimidating looks to accomplish everything. I have actually been the first person to stand up to him, and he is too scared to fight. "Yeah fuck off you useless piece of shit. My little brother could beat your retarded ass!" I yell at the hastily retreating bully. All the other kids laugh at the bully, and applaud me for standing up to him. I know it probably won't be the last I see of the bully, but I feel I am ready for him. I will be even more ready as soon as I get all my strength back, as even now I am still a little weak. I shun the rest of the kids, and just sulk on my own as I have been doing at school for a while now. The bully isn't what gets me in trouble though. He is just a minor blip on the day. I skip the last class of school, as I want to walk home with Callum. I do get in trouble for skipping class, but it isn't the first time, and sure as hell isn't going to be the last time either. I get to the gates at Callum's new school just as the kids have finished and are racing to get out the gates. I wait for ages for Callum, and when I see him he looks upset. His eyes are red, and still show the trails of dried up salty tears. Once he sees me at the gate he runs up and latches onto me, and starts sobbing again. "What's wrong?" I ask Callum in a concerned voice. "One of... the... kids... picked on me... he pantsed me... in front of... the... the whole class. Undies included... then he... started... to make... fun... of... well you know." Callum sobs. My face flushes red in anger. This kid is going to pay dearly, as no one picks on my little brother. I hug Callum and stroke his back, as I try to get my anger back under control. I am going to have to wait until tomorrow to do anything, so there is no point in staying angry at the moment. The whole day has been one big disappointment. During school I have spent most of my time on a computer searching the net. I couldn't find Pierre on any of the social networking sights, and I have signed up to all of them. I use my old surname and address, just encase Pierre searches for me. I get one piece of good news, as I find out a couple of friends I have made on Facebook are going to come visit during the school holidays. They are only a couple of weeks away now, so I have something to look forward to in the short term. They are the only friends that I have allowed myself to make, and that is because they understand what I'm going through. Well they sort of understand, but they have been so supportive to me and tried to help as best as they can via the internet. I am really looking forward to meeting them in person, but have to try to contain my excitement because it is still a couple of weeks away from happening yet. Anything can crop up in the meantime, which could disappoint me. Callum and I walk home, and we are both surprised to see Sarah standing at the door waiting for us. I can't work out how she has got home so quick. Her school is further away than mine, and she also finishes later. Something doesn't add up. Her expression looks a bit confused as well, which makes me think that I have overlooked something. "Why didn't you two get a ride from your protection agents? Also Josh, how did you manage to get to Callum's school early enough to walk home with him?" Sarah asks. I look a bit embarrassed having realised that we could have got a lift home. I had sort of wondered why a car seemed to be tailing us, but had never paid it enough attention. "Um, whoops, I forgot about them." I reply sheepishly. I know I also had better answer her other question, as she is looking none too impressed seeing me walking home with Callum. She already presumes that I'd skipped a class, but wants me to confirm it for her. "I skipped my last class so I could get to his school on time." I tell her. There is no use in lying about it, as there really is no other explanation for it. Thankfully she doesn't lecture me. Instead she just shakes her head in an unimpressed fashion. I know I have done wrong, but it isn't going to stop me doing it, as school is a complete waste of my time. I only go to get onto a computer anyway. The rest of the day is boring as hell. Mum has made a god awful meal for dinner, and even my sister is shocked by how appalling her meals are. She has got so sick of them that she offers to cook. Callum sleeps in my bed again that night, as he hasn't slept in his bed since we moved here. I haven't helped things by ending up in hospital, now I don't think he will ever leave me. Again I get no sleep due to my night terrors. I haven't had a goodnights sleep since leaving the hospital. Thankfully my sister now knows to let me be. Strangely I have never had any problems with Callum latching onto me at night, but we do have a special brotherly bond. We follow our normal morning routine the next day, with the exception of one thing. I hop into the car of the agents taking Callum to school, much to the bafflement of my own protection. Callum is starting to have second thoughts about me teaching the kid who picked on him, a lesson, but I refuse to listen. We both get out of the car outside the front gates to Callum's school, and I instantly know which kid it is who has been picking on my little brother. The little shit has a big mouth, and starts hassling Callum as soon as he closes the car door. He sort of reminds me of the bully who had tried to pick on me yesterday. Except Callum's tormentor has blonde hair, and is a little slimmer and more muscular. He just keeps on and on with his harassment of Callum, totally ignoring that I'm even here. He really tortures Callum and doesn't seem to give a shit about who else is around. With each horrible comment he passes I feel like another shard of glass is getting rammed into my brain. I try multiple times to get the little shit to stop but he ignores me as if I don't even exist. The kid is brutal with his torment of my little brother who is becoming increasingly upset about the whole thing. He has said far too much, and I am far beyond reasoning with him. I snap as he continues to taunt my brother, and causes him to cry again. I lash out with my bunched up right fist, and land it square on his nose. I hear a sickening crunching sound as the cartilage in his nose breaks, causing blood to start pissing out of his nose like a broken fire hydrant. The boy releases an ear piercing scream from the pain I have caused. But I am not done there, and whip the boy's pants down, embarrassing him like he had done to Callum much to the horror of the other kids who have gathered around. You know what, Pierre is right. The boy is only picking on Callum to try and hide his own shame. His dickie is tiny. Like really, really small. It is only ¼ of an inch long, and he is cut. His acorn shaped pinkish red glans make up most of his ¼ inch, so it looks like he has no shaft at all. His balls are only the size of Callum's as well, and by the looks of things he has the same problem Callum does, as his ball sack wrinkles up right in front of everyone's eyes, making it look like he has no balls at all. Callum is crying hysterically now, and trying desperately to get me to stop. I suddenly feel light headed and a bit faint at realising what I have just done. My stomach is churning as I start to feel sick at what has just gone down. When I had set out this morning I had no intention of hurting the kid, but he just pushed all the wrong buttons and I lost it. Callum is suddenly latched onto, and taken away. I watch on in a trance caused by shock, as a couple of teachers apprehend me to and lead me through to the principal's office as well. I know that I am in really deep shit as I get dragged away, but my mind is still in a stupor at what I have just done to fully comprehend anything that is going on. The boy gets taken away in an ambulance, as his injuries are surprisingly severe. A bone fragment has ended up getting pushed into his head, narrowly missing his brain. He will be in hospital for a while due to the injuries that I have inflicted on him. Mum gets called in, as well as the principal from my school. Thankfully they omit the police or I would have been in deep strife. The parents of the boy I had assaulted are also called in. Callum and I have to sit out in the hallway for ages, as the adults have a meeting without us. Mum has to explain to everyone exactly what has happened to me, and how it still clouds my judgement. She also explains to them about our brotherly bond, and why it is a contributing factor in what happened. She is doing all that she possibly can for me, as she knows I will be taken away otherwise. After what is a long time of the adults conversing, the principal of Callum's school comes out to get us. Callum gets off scot free, as he has really done nothing wrong. I am happy with that. I am lucky that my principal decides not to expel me, and am even luckier to hear that the parents of the boy aren't going to press charges, or get the police involved what so ever. To a certain extent they have been expecting this to happen, as they are fully aware of how nasty their son is. But I have to see a child psychologist, or else they will re-evaluate everything. In other words, if I don't do it then the cops will get involved, and I will end up in the care of CYFS (Child Youth and Family Services) and youth aid. They will make me do a youth offenders program, and I will end up with a criminal record. I don't want that, but I am equally as glad that I live in New Zealand, and not somewhere like the States. We don't have juvenile detention centres here, so there is no chance of ending up in jail. The major problem for me is that with a criminal record I won't be able to leave the country without major hassles. Well Sarah gets what she wants as I definitely have to see a child psychologist now. I am not even going to try to get out of it, as a criminal record will ruin my chances of ever seeing Pierre again. So once the meeting has finished I get mum to take me to a shrink to arrange an appointment. I manage to get one for that day which is probably good, as I really don't want to go to school after what has happened. I am a bit scared that the bully might try to pick on me again. I don't want two assaults in one day, that's for sure. I turn up to my appointment on time, as I don't want it to look like I don't give a shit by being late. The psychologist goes through all the normal rig moral that accompanies the first session. She also introduces herself, and asks me to do the same. I then have to start telling her about all the things that have affected my life so badly. This is usually where I stop talking, and refuse to cooperate. But this time I tell what I have to, although I start off by giving her a warning about the likely reactions she is likely to get from me. I tell her as much as I can during the hour long session, but have avoided the major incident at this stage, as I know it will have made the rest of the session pointless. I start off by telling her about the physical abuse I had suffered at the hands of my father, and how I came to be so close to my brother, and why I am so protective of him. By the time I have got through that much the session is over. The psychologist knows that there is still plenty more that I need to tell her, so cancels her next appointment so that I can continue. Before I go on, she leaves the room briefly to inform mum that I will be staying for another hour. Mum is a bit dumbstruck and relieved at the same time. She had honestly thought this was going to be as bigger waste of time as all the others were, but she really is glad that I'm talking about it for the first time, with someone who can help me. I still don't know whether this is a good time to bring up the major incident, as it will waste the rest of the session. I know my mind still won't cooperate with telling that part, as it is struggling now. I decide to leave that till last, so I bring up Pierre. I am surprised by her reaction as I tell her how much I have fallen in love with the sexy French boy. She seems to understand, although I don't think she believes a 12 year old can fall so deeply in love with someone. She doesn't care about the fact that it is a gay relationship, but then again it's her job not to be judgemental. She has been taking lots of notes during the long session, and she seems to be taking a lot more of them as I tell her about Pierre, and how he has helped so much with my problems. Until he got taken away that is. It really has been difficult to keep my emotions in check as I talk about Pierre, but somehow I struggle through it without shedding too many tears. I have run out of other things to tell her now, so I know I only have one option. Yeah I could just omit it, but I think that she will see right through me. As it is, while I'm contemplating telling her or not, she is waiting expectantly for me to continue. It's like she knows that there is more to the story than I have told her so far. I swallow hard as I know how this is going to end, and start to tell her about dad raping me. I think I tell her all of it, but I can't be sure. My mind and body shuts down like it usually does when I relive that god awful night. I had warned the psychologist what is likely to happen, but I'm not too sure she believed me. Well if she didn't then she got a big surprise, but I'm not too worried as I don't remember any of it. Mum tells me that she never wants to see me again after what has happened during the session. I really can't believe it, as I thought it was her job to fix people like me. I have a gut feeling that mum has something to do with it, but I can't be sure. Maybe she is telling the truth, and the psychologist got offended by me wetting myself all over her expensive leather chair. But I had warned her. I wake up in my bed, and feel as angry as ever. Callum is clinging desperately onto me again, preventing me from venting my frustrations. I am also feeling really weak, and unable to break his hold. I don't really want to, but my frustration level is that high that I do try to. I quickly calm down this time, as I remember about what happened the last time I let my anger get the better of me. I definitely don't want a repeat of that, not that I have anyone close by who I want to hit. Callum isn't even an option, as there is no way in hell that I will ever hit him. Callum is in a strange mood, as once he sees that I have calmed down, he turns his back on me. He won't even let me hug him, and yet he still wants to be with me. I can't work him out. I feel like I must have done something wrong, but he has never reacted this way before. Then it clicks. He is upset with me for actually hitting someone right in front of him. I have never done that before. Although I have hit another boy before for exactly the same thing, but I had the presence of mind to do it away from Callum, and the result was vastly different as I had only punched the kid in the arm. "I'm sorry I really didn't intend to hurt the boy like that. He just got the better of me, because he wouldn't let up on you. You have seen how angry I can get, and I suppose he bore the brunt of it. But what was he thinking picking on you in front of your brother. It was almost like he was asking for it." I say to Callum. I don't think that it is really the most appropriate thing to say, but I have always tried to be honest with Callum. "Couldn't you have just pantsed him, like he did to me? You didn't need to hit him, especially in the face." Callum tells me. He is trying so hard not to cry, but it isn't working. He feels genuinely bad for the other boy, and is blaming himself. He knows that if he hadn't told me anything about it, then none of this would have happened. "Look it wasn't your fault. You did the right thing by telling me, as bullies need to be taught a lesson. I should have handled things a lot differently, and I definitely shouldn't have let my anger cloud my judgement. It was all my fault, not yours." I say apologetically to Callum. He still won't let me hug him, but he is at least facing me again. I have said all that I can, it is up to him as to whether he can forgive me or not. I won't blame him if he doesn't, as I am feeling like a big horrible monster for doing such a nasty thing in the first place what makes it worse is I'm feeling like I am like the person I hate most. I am becoming like dad which sends shivers down my spine thinking about it. Of all the stupid things I have done in my life, that is by far the worst. What the hell was I thinking? I have never overreacted that badly before, well at least not on a human being. I have always managed to maintain some self-control, which has stopped me from severely hurting lots of people. But this time I had no control over anything. I just reacted. My mind is falling apart, and I know I really have to get in contact with Pierre again, before I lose my mind completely. The rest of the week seems to drag on. It takes Callum a couple of days to fully forgive me for what I have done, but I am just glad that he does forgive me. I really hate it with him being mad at me, even though I deserve it. I decide to behave myself a school, which means that I actually go to all my classes. The main issue I have all week is the fact that mum hasn't found another child psychologist for me to see. I am starting to get really scared that I am going to get a visit from the cops for not living up to my part of the arrangement, and that on top of the depression is playing havoc with my mind. The only other good thing that comes out of the week is Sarah's cooking. She is amazing, I really didn't realise that my sister can actually cook. Her food is a million times better than mums. She tells us during one dinner during the week that she really wants to be a chef, which explains why she can cook so well, as she has obviously been practicing. On Saturday we go into town. Mum and Sarah go into the supermarket to get some groceries, while Callum and I explore the local shopping mall. It is just your standard run of the mill type shopping mall, with nothing really exciting going on. But it is better than grocery shopping, as Callum and I always seem to get into trouble, through wanting this, that, and everything else. As we are strolling through the main corridor through the mall looking for a shop of interest to us, I see the psychologist that I had gone to earlier in the week. I run off to chase her down. Callum follows me not knowing why I have taken off, but instinctively knows it has to be something important for me to just take off like that. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you mad at me by wetting your seat." I say to her, as I catch up with her. I haven't even thought about the potential of other people hearing what I have just said, otherwise I might have said it a lot quieter. My main concern is trying to get her to allow me to see her again, as I really don't want any trouble from the cops and I have already told her more than I have to anyone else and don't want to have to go through it all again. "Huh... what...? Oh it's you. What do you mean you're sorry? Your mum told me that she didn't want you to see me again, as she didn't agree with some of the things I told her." The psychologist replies, after initially being confused as to why someone has said something to her in the middle of a shopping mall, especially given the context of what I have said. I go all red with anger. I can't believe that mum has lied to me. What is worse is that she makes it out to be all my fault. I am extremely pissed off, and Callum can sense it. He quickly embraces me in a hug, right there in the middle of a busy shopping mall. He isn't self-conscious about it in the slightest, as it just feels natural to hug your brother in his time of need. "Calm down Josh, we don't want you getting in trouble like the other day." Callum says soothingly to me. The psychologist now realises why my face went red. She had initially thought it was because I was embarrassed after realising what I had just said in a busy shopping mall. Now she realises that it is because I am angry with mum. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to..." The psychologist starts to say. "It's not your fault, you weren't to know. It's just that mum blamed me for it. She made it out to be all my fault." I sob, after having interrupted her. "She must have had good reason to." The psychologist says, before I interrupt her again. "No she didn't... I think I know why she doesn't want me to see you. What did you say to her about Pierre?" I ask, knowing that is has to be the reason mum doesn't want me seeing her again, as really I can't think of anything else the psychologist could have said to her to cause offense. "I told her that I thought... oh... you really think?" The psychologist stammers now realising that I'm right. "Yes, she can't handle the fact that I am... well you know what I mean." I reply. I don't want to say the word `gay' because I suddenly become aware of everyone else in the mall. I am still a bit wary about who I do, and who I don't tell about it. A whole bunch of strangers is definitely in the do not tell category. "Don't worry. I'll try to find a way to get through to her, as I really don't want to have to go through the whole process all over again. If you know what I mean." I say to the psychologist. She nods at me, telling me that she knows exactly what I am referring to. She then sticks out her hand towards my little brother, who is still clinging to me. "You must be Callum. I'm so pleased to meet you, as I have heard just how inspirational you have been. Oh and my name is Alice." She says. Callum takes her hand and shakes it. He has the biggest smile on his face, and is beaming from the compliment she has just paid him. It just makes my heart melt, as I think he finally knows exactly how much he means to me. "Yes I'm Callum. Pleased to meet you Alice." Callum replies in his best manners. I just have a feeling that Alice is going to be able to help me out heaps. She seems to know the right things to say, and she also takes the time to talk with me outside her normal hours. She really does impress me, and I feel totally comfortable with her, which says a lot, as there aren't too many people who I feel comfortable around. Alice is a very attractive lady. She has long blonde hair, which stretches all the way to her hips. Her eyes are blue, and seem to twinkle like stars. She has really long eyelashes, which accentuate the colour of her eyes. Her nose is thin and a good length, and nicely rounded at the tip. Her face is thin and long, but perfectly symmetrical, and has a nice golden tan too it. She always seems to wear business suits. The one she is wearing today consists of a jacket, and dress which are both grey. Her jacket is undone showing off a nice white low cut top which just gives a hint of cleavage. Her shirt doesn't do anything to hide the size of her beautifully round perky boobs. She has a nice build, not too skinny, but not an ounce of fat either. "Look I'm sorry but I really have to go. I hope you can get through to your mother, as I really want to try to help you. I feel really sorry for all that you have been through as no kid deserves that so I really want to try and help you. Good luck, and I hope to see you again." Alice says with the most sincere voice I have ever heard, well except for Pierre's. "Thank you. See you later." I reply as she leaves. "It was nice to meet you." Callum yells to her. He feels that he has to say something, after she has been so nice to him so just says the first thing that comes to mind. She disappears, and we head back towards the supermarket. I figure that Sarah and mum have been in there long enough, so they will soon start looking for us if we don't get back fast. As it is we beat them, because Sarah has decided to do all the cooking, shopping takes a lot longer than usual. She has wanted to get proper food, not just snap frozen food. We have to wait for them for about ten minutes before they appear at the entrance. I am glad to see that mum is pushing the trolley, as I want to see Sarah for a moment. "Callum, can you help mum with the shopping while I talk with Sarah?" I quietly ask my brother. I have no doubt he will do it, as he knows why I want to see our sister. In fact I think he is glad that I tell to her, instead of mum. He nods his head, and follows mum. I latch onto Sarah's arm and pull her away from mum. "What the hell do you think you are doing?" Sarah asks me in a pissed off tone of voice. It is going to take a long time before we totally see eye to eye, so I'm not too concerned with her reaction and just ignore it. "I need to talk to you, as it's important. I don't want mum to be around." I reply to her, totally ignoring the tone of her voice. I know she will listen, as it is her who has decided to try and fix our broken relationship. "Ok, what is it?" Sarah inquires a little concerned. I take a deep breath to try to keep myself calm, before I tell her. "I ran into the psychologist that I had seen earlier this week, in the mall. Mum lied to me. She told me that the psychologist didn't want to see me again after... well I had an accident. That wasn't true. Mum doesn't want me to see the psychologist again because she understands how I feel about Pierre." I say struggling immensely to control my tears, as I don't really want to be seen bawling my eyes out right outside a busy supermarket. I can see a light flick on in Sarah's head, meaning she has already come up with a plan. She doesn't look too happy though, as I think she hates the way mum has blamed me for it. But that doesn't concern me anymore, as I want Sarah to fight this battle for me. It is mainly to stop myself from doing something stupid again, because I know if I say anything to mum about it then all hell will break loose. I can't afford that to happen as Callum has only just forgiven me for the last time I snapped. "So I take it you want me to talk to mum?" Sarah inquires. She already knows the answer, so all I have to do is nod in agreement. "Ok. I take it then that you want to keep seeing this psychologist. I will see what I can do." Sarah says. I don't reply, instead I do something that I thought I would never do to my sister. I give her a big hug, and then stand on tippy toes and kiss her cheek to show her how much I really do appreciate what she is going to do for me. Then we hurry back to the car before mum gets angry with us. By the time we have made it to the car, Callum and mum have finished loading it and they are in their seats waiting for us. Sarah jumps in the front passenger side seat, while I hop in the back beside Callum. The look mum gives us as we turn up is not pleasant as I can tell she doesn't like that fact that she had to wait for us, but thankfully she keeps her mouth shut. Mum takes the ocean road back home, which is a lot quicker and more scenic than taking the main road into the city centre. We pass the wind wand, which is situated right on the boardwalk which goes right along the coast. It is New Plymouth's idea of modern art, but I don't really know why they spent the money to build it, as there must have been much better things to put in its place. The wind wand is a flexible pole with a ball at the end, which moves with the wind. The coast is otherwise pretty spectacular, with lots of rocks adding an extra dimension to the black iron sand beaches which run along the coast. It is strange seeing the black beaches of the west coast of the North Island again, as I have got so use to the beautiful golden sand beaches on the east coast. The road along the coast doesn't last long enough before it swings back inland and merges with the main road. It is plain sailing from there as we have past the congestion of the central city. New Plymouth isn't a large city by any stretch of the imagination. It has around 50,000 inhabitants, which doesn't even rate it in the top 6 cities in New Zealand, and most of our cities would only be considered towns by international standards. So it only takes about ten minutes to get from the city centre to home, which is in a suburb pretty close to the eastern edge of the city. We get home and mum parks the car in the garage. We all hop out of the car, and Sarah and mum start to unload the groceries. I know that Callum and I will just get in the way, so we use that as an excuse to go and check out Fitzroy beach. It is only about a 500 metre walk from our house, so that's what we decide to do. We don't see the point in getting followed by a car down to the beach, so we tell the protection agents that they have to come for a walk with us. They actually look pretty happy with the demand, as they get sick of sitting in a car for hours on end. So Callum and I walk down the cul-de-sac, towards the road which leads down to the beach. We are flanked on each side by our personal protection agents, who do look oddly out of place dressed in their business attire. Callum and I are dressed in normal summer beachwear. Callum has on some bright yellow board shorts which have pictures of white flowers printed on them. He is also wearing a white singlet which has a surf graphics design on the back. I have on some dark blue boardies, which have a white stripe running down the sides. On top I have an orange printed tee shirt. We both wear jandals on our feet. It is a warm summer's day, with just a gentle breeze blowing in off the sea. The sky isn't cloudless, as it does have a smattering of light cumulus clouds peppering it. The cloud just helps to keep the temperature just right. It is a great day for walking but once we get the beach car park we start to wonder whether we should have driven. To get to the car park there is a pretty steep road to contend with, as it hugs the cliff on its way down to a little valley at the bottom. We walk precariously down the steep incline, although it is dry I still feel a bit dodgy walking down it as there isn't really a footpath, so we are mainly walking on the road. We make it to the bottom unscathed, and stroll through the car park, past a little holiday park which is situated just at the bottom of the hill. We are heading towards the surf club, which is about halfway along the huge parking area. Opposite the surf club are some swimming pools, which are really busy with little kids and their parents playing around in them. Just before we reach the surf club we quickly realise why there isn't really a footpath beside the road, as there is a massive set of wooden stairs going up the hill, starting from beside the swimming pools fence. I think that we all feel a bit dumb after seeing that, as all of hadn't seen it at the top of the hill. We climb the wooden pathway up the sand dunes to the surf club, and have our first real look over Fitzroy beach. The beach is pretty standard, aside from the coastal walkway which runs along the entire coast of New Plymouth from up on top of the dunes. The only real difference between this beach and Taupo bay is the sand colour, and the lack of headlands at each end of the beach. The whole excursion is really just an excuse to leave mum and Sarah alone for a while. It is the only reason for coming to the beach. We don't really intend on doing anything, as I already knew the wind is wrong for surfing. So I don't really pay much attention to the surf. It is more an explorative walk, and now that we are here, I feel that it is time to go back again. It is definitely less precarious climbing the stairs back up the hill, but by no means is it easier. Even the two agents we have made come on the walk are panting for breath by the time we make it to the top. Callum and I are sweating like pigs, so I wonder how much worse the agents are, as they are dressed in full black business suits. Thankfully the rest of the trip home is easy, as it is pretty much all flat going. Once we reach the house our agents take up their positions again, and Callum and I sneak inside. I don't want to interrupt Sarah if she is still talking with mum, so we make sure that we are totally quiet as we enter the house. Sarah and mum are still in the kitchen, so we sneak through to our bedroom. It turns out that Sarah hasn't had a chance to talk with mum yet, as they have both been too busy. So Callum and I accidently hear the whole conversation. "Mum, I've got a bone to pick with you." Sarah says, indicating to me that she has only just had the opportunity to talk to mum. I decide not to close my bedroom door at this stage, as I am intrigued to find out how this is going to go. "What's that?" Mum replies a little taken back by Sarah's comment, as she doesn't have a clue as to what Sarah's problem with her is. "Why did you lie to Josh, and then try to blame him?" Sarah asks in a really shitty sounding voice. "Huh... what...? What the hell are you on about?" Mum queries, with a totally confused look on her face. "Josh ran into his psychologist while they were in the mall today." Sarah states matter of factly. Mum's expression quickly changes from confusion to guilty. She has been found out and doesn't know what to do. "Oh... I didn't mean to..." "Bullshit mum. We also know why you did it." Sarah retorts, blowing mum off as she tries to make an excuse for herself. "Ok then miss smarty pants why did I do it?" Mum says trying to call our sisters bluff. "Because you have a problem with your son loving another boy." Sarah quips back. Mum's mouth drops wide open, as she struggles to believe that she has been totally found out. She also doesn't realise that Sarah knows so much about Pierre, as she doesn't know that I have told her about him. "Josh is not gay. That boy made him that way." Mum retorts, as she quickly regains her composure. I am started to feel pissed off, and I am going to charge in there and tell mum exactly what I think of her. Callum stops me from doing it thankfully, as he latches onto me, and physically manages to hold me back. "Get over yourself mum. What is so wrong about Josh being gay? Also the more you try to pressure him to liking girls, and not being gay, the more he is going to resent you. As it is you two don't have a very good relationship, as Josh already feels that you have severely let him down. Are you really going to let something like this totally destroy what is left of your relationship? Because it will." Sarah tells mum. She does so in a caring but concerned voice, as she is really worried that if mum doesn't get over the fact that I am gay, we will end up really hating each other forever. Mum just lets out a huge sigh knowing that Sarah is right about everything. "Look I know you are right, but it's hard. I had never considered what I would think if I found out that either of the boys' is gay, and when I found out that josh is, I flipped out. I don't know why, but I did. I will be honest in saying that I will never totally approve of it, but I will try my best not to let it affect our relationship anymore." Mum replies honestly. I am not sure what to make of it, as it just sounds like a cop out to me. I think Sarah sees it that way too. "What about Pierre, he can't have been that bad could he? What was Josh like around him? I want you to be completely honest with me, and yourself as you answer me." Sarah says to mum, in a stern motherly tone of voice. It is quite funny hearing our sister talk to mum that way. Mum sighs again, and takes a seat at the breakfast bar. This is going to be interesting. I have always wondered as to how much mum has really taken notice about how much Pierre changed me for the better. "Pierre is a really nice boy, troubled but nice. I can't blame him for being troubled as he had lost both of his parents in less than two years." Mum says. Sarah is happy so far with mums answer, but the moment of truth is coming up. She really does hope that mum is totally honest, as she wants to get a glimpse of what we are like together. "You are right though, Pierre did have a good influence on Josh. While he was staying with us Josh was the happiest he has ever been. I mean he seemed to be even happier than before all the trouble started. Pierre seemed to be able to help him with his problems too, and he actually got him to open up. Josh has already told Pierre about what happened to him. He was the first person who has managed to get Josh to part with his secrets, not even the psychologists could get him to tell them, and they already knew what had happened to him." Mum says. She is actually starting to cry now, as she has opened her eyes fully to how close Pierre and I actually are. She tries to recompose herself before continuing. "One major thing that I noticed is how they were both there for each other. I mean Josh helped Pierre get over the loss of his parents. It wasn't just a one way thing either. Josh had also stopped wetting the bed during that time, which I thought was just a coincidence until Pierre left, and Josh started up again. He was actually sleeping too. But the biggest thing, which was what I always hated, was the way they used to stare lovingly into each other's eyes. I know I'm a cow for hating the fact that they genuinely love each other, but I can't help it. I do thank you for opening my eyes to it, as now I will try to amend things, if I can." Mum finishes off. I feel my heart skip a beat, as I can't believe that Sarah has accomplished it. She has got mum to see that I do need Pierre, so it should be easier to convince her to letting us go to France. "Well I need you to agree to two things then. One is that Josh can continue to see his psychologist. The second is that if we can get the money, you will help us go to France and bring him back." Sarah demands of mum. Mum swallows hard but nods her head. She isn't going to say yes, but she agrees all the same. Callum and I have snuck into the lounge to get a better look at the conversation, and we yell out in celebration when mum nods her head. Mum looks completely shocked seeing Callum and I in the lounge, and she knows that she can't go back on her word now, as there are too many witnesses. Plus the fact, that she will upset the whole lot of us. Sarah gives us a warm smile. We are so happy with her, as she has somehow managed to get mum to do the right thing. "Mum, I'm going to use my own money to get us over there." I tell my mother. She gives me a disapproving look, but doesn't argue with me. In fact I almost get the feeling that she wants to say something important, but for the moment anyway she keeps her mouth shut. "How have you got enough money to do that?" Sarah asks me. She looks a little peeved that I haven't told her that I already have that sort of money. I didn't mean to hide it from her, but I also didn't think mum would let me use it. I had decided to use the opportunity to kick her while she was down. I know with what has come up that she won't tell me that I am not allowed to use my own money. "Yeah I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but I didn't think mum would actually allow me to use it. I got it after we sued the courts." I tell my sister. "What... you sued the courts?" Sarah replies. She is totally confused as to why we have sued the courts. I really don't want to go back there, as it was the worst most humiliating moment of my life. "It's a long story, and I really don't want to explain how it all came about. Maybe mum will tell you when she feels up to it." I tell my sister. She knows that it must be something pretty bad, so drops the subject. Well at least while I am still around. "Have you had any luck getting in touch with Pierre?" Sarah asks me. I now remember that I still have one major hole in my plan to get Pierre back. I don't even know where he is. "No, and I can't get back on the net till the next school day, so I can't see if he is online yet." I reply disappointedly. I am not even sure whether he has access to the net, and I have no idea of any other way to track him down. "Call immigration. They will be able to give you his contact details." Mum says surprising the hell out of us. She has been so quiet that we have forgotten that she is even in the room. I am also surprised that she tells me exactly how to find the person that she doesn't want me to find. Mum then surprises me even more when she pulls out a business card from her handbag, which has the name and phone number of the official who has dealt with Pierre's case. Mum hands me the cordless phone and tells me to make the call in my room. I pretty much rip the phone out of her hands and run out of the room to my room. Callum follows closely behind, as his excitement is on the same levels as mine. Sarah almost bursts out laughing seeing how excited we are. I make the phone call and the official answers, due to me ignoring the office number and dialling his cell phone instead. I get all the information I am going to need, including Pierre's uncles home phone number. I think that I had better check with mum before ringing it though. It is also going to pay to see what the time is. "You fucking cow... why on earth did you do that? You are going to have to tell them now, because all hell will break loose if they find out any other way." Sarah screams at mum, as we are heading back down the hall to where they are. I'm just too excited that I don't pay any attention to it, as I think that mum has pissed my sister off about something, so it really has nothing to do with us. "Wow, I didn't know that France was ten hours behind us. I got his num..." I say excitedly, before I am abruptly cut off. "Josh, Callum, sit down, as I have something that I have to tell you. I don't think you are going to like it, but I have to tell you, because it's better coming from me than you finding out some other way." Mum says. I instantly feel deflated, and the look on my sister's face doesn't help things what so ever. It almost looks like she is fuming and annoyed at something, but her face is more filled with disappointment. Tentatively I take a seat at the dining room table. Callum sits beside me. His face is full of concern and worry as well. Sarah doesn't help to ease our concerns as she comes up behind us, and wraps an arm around both of us. The look on mum's face is one of guilt, but she is obviously scared, probably at my potential reaction from what she is about to tell me. She swallows really, really hard. "Josh, I want to say that I am deeply sorry for this... I didn't fill out the adoption papers for Pierre, because I knew that the adoption would have been successful. Pierre's uncle was only going to take custody of him if we didn't want to adopt him..." I lose it. I can't listen to another word from that lying mouth of hers. I am already crying heavily but I don't care. All rational thought has quickly disappeared. She has just admitted to doing the worst thing that she could possibly have done, and I totally resent her for it. I have never felt so betrayed before, so I have to get out and away from her before I do something stupid again. I jump out of the seat, sending it crashing to the floor in the process, and run outside. I have no real idea as to where I am going to run to, but the beach has always been a place of solitude for me, so I decide to go there. I run towards the beach as fast as my legs will take me. I am struggling to really see where I am going, due to the tears pouring from my eyes, but it doesn't slow me down. I run straight past the protection agents, who are caught a bit off guard as they haven't been expecting me. I get to the end of our cul-de-sac, and head down the road towards the beach. My mind is coherent enough to remember about the stairs. But it still isn't thinking clearly enough to tell me that running down them is a really bad idea. I make it three quarters of the way down before the worst thing happens. I trip, and end up falling head first down the remaining stairs. My head hits one of the stairs with a huge thud, and everything goes completely black and silent. ************ Comments are always welcome at (pennywise3636@gmail.com). Please keep all comments clean. If possible please kick in a few bucks at the Nifty Website, to keep it up and running. The site puts in a lot of effort and work so that we all have a place to come and contribute or read some fine stories.