Date: Sun, 26 Mar 2006 13:24:04 -0800 (PST)
From: William Cordova <wcordova98@yahoo.com>
Subject: William Cordova - Author's Note

       Several people have written to me in the past and present saying
they interpreted my prelude as an autobiography.  Although I did say it was
going to be based closely on my own life, I intended there to be
embellishments and some non true events.  I know it doesn't sound that way
from my prelude, I am sorry for that.  The truth lies here.
       Most events leading up to around the time Matt and I are "discovered
as being gay" are true.  I'll start with the bully in 8th grade.  I don't
even remember his name so I called him James.  He picked on Matt mostly,
and occasionally picked on me for protecting Matt.  It had nu'in to do with
us being gay though (I think), as opposed to how I do hint it was because
James thought Matt was gay.  I put that part in to help explain the
`picking' more clearly and it fits in with the story.  To this day, I have
no idea why the bully picked on Matt.  We did have a `final showdown' as
suggested though and it did happen near the end of Jr. High.  He and his
friends punched both Matt and I up pretty good, and I got in a few licks,
but I never went to the hospital for going unconscious and no one was
severely hurt.  It was more just a good ole fashioned fight.  Everyone got
in trouble and got detention, but that was it.
       Next, the process in which Matt and I fell in love is true.  The
`first' kiss we experience is one of the shining moments of my young life --
it stands out very well in my mind and does Matt's.  The 8th grade dance
where I was craving Matt instead of this girl I was with, the summer in
which we barely saw each other, the wrestling matches in the pool, the time
he got naked in front of me, the times we jacked off in front of each
other, and the time he used me to jack him off (lol) all really happened.
I think we were both so far deep in denial we never confronted each other
about these events.
       Next, let me go through each character and give a little info.  Ian
-- Ian turns out not to be gay in RL.  I only assume this because he never
came out in High school, but never had a girlfriend either.  He was in
nature considered a nerd by High School standards.  He did show me his dick
as described pretty closely in the story.  I, however, never tried to sneak
a peak at him naked in the bathroom.  Our friendship was good while it
lasted.  I haven't spoken to him since he went off to UT at the end of High
school.  Anthony (someone asked specifically about him) is as described in
the story.  Very much tried to be a ladies man.  He had many girlfriends in
Jr. High and was a cool friend.  But like the story described, the only
thing really keeping our friendship together was Jr. High and our location.
Just like the story, the way we just drifted apart is accurate.  Pretty
much, our freshman year in High school, kept us apart, and since I didn't
go to his house after school because of the location of HS compared to JR,
we never saw each other -- we drifted apart and we got new friends.
       Eddie, Mitch and Jeff next -- they were cool guys for sure.  I had
lots of fun with them in gym the first year for sure.  We had many trips to
the mall, some sleepovers and stuff like that, but nu'in I'd ever consider
to be relevant to my gay story.  Eddie and Mitch were definitely not gay.
However, I did suspect Jeff a few times.  He was always shy when it came to
girls.  I really can't explain why I thought he might have been gay, just
had a feeling every now and then.  I never confronted him about it, nor did
I talk to anyone other than Matt about it.  I just let him go about his
life as he wanted.  The friendship between me and those three mostly
depended on how much we saw each other throughout High school.  I had some
classes with them in each year, and we had lunch a few times -- things like
that.
       The way Matt and I were discovered is pretty close to true.  The
problem with it is I don't know exactly how it happened really.  It just
came out about and I don't know who saw what and so on, as it was told to
me later and Matt wasn't sure how we got discovered himself.  The reason
for this is because the way our parents took it was NOT how it was
portrayed in the story.  Being Canadian -- Matt's parents took it very well.
My dad didn't trash my room, but he was quite mad -- just never used
physical violence toward me or anything.  This is pretty much where my
story turns into mostly fiction.  In RL, he slowly got use to it and we've
straightened it out similarly to the way I portrayed in the few arguments I
wrote.  My parents did start attending church regularly at this time also,
forced me to go a few times, but I never felt like I was trying to be
fixed.  I did suspect they were hoping I would be by finding Jesus though.
But they weren't forceful on that issue either.  Speaking of which, Aaron --
Yeah he's someone fictional but based on someone.  Those few times I did go
to church, there was this semi-flamboyant boy (around my age) there.
Regular attender he was.  I remember he was freakin cute, and I thought he
was gay based on his flamboyant nature.  Never asked him about it though as
I was only there rarely.  I hardly remember what this cute boy looked like,
so I used a current friend as his physical description.
       Back to my parents, they were uncomfortable with it, but slowly
accepted I was gay.  The argument we had in the story's camping trip was
similar in nature to the one I had with my dad.  He said he accepted who we
were but was very uncomfortable seeing us as boyfriends in action (holding
hands and stuff).  The reason I decided to fabricate the way our parents
took it was because I wanted a more confrontational story.  If I had kept
100% accurate, there wouldn't be much of a story to tell a little after
High School.  It was just a gradual acceptance by our parents and little to
no problems outside the household.  Our parents really didn't keep us apart
that much really, just more strict on things, and therefore the `apricot
plan' to camp out by ourselves one night didn't actually happen either.
       Matt and I weren't `considered' gay in high school, I think some
suspected things, but it wasn't an issue at all -- no bullies or picking on,
stuff like that.  I decided from the beginning I didn't want to end my
story that way so I said there would be a great struggle from the
beginning.  The whole Hatred and evil thing described in the prelude shows
that.  However, I know its contradictory in nature -- I didn't realize this
until quite some time after.  I apologize for this again.  I've spent a
good 9 months writing this story and I've changed my mind on many things
since I first wrote the prelude.  Sorry about that.  I actually re-wrote
the entire story over Christmas (which is about the first 22 chapters) but
never re-released them.  I planned to finish the story and then re-release
the entire thing then.
       In the re-written prelude, I make sure not to contradict myself and
write it more like a story and less like an autobiographical.  I made sure
NOT to make it sound like it's gonna be an autobiography.  I cannot
apologize enough for this, I know.  The camping trip described in the last
chapter never happened in real life.  It was part of my plan to write this
shocking ending.  I've gotten mixed reviews about it.  Some hating it,
calling it cheesy (which it is, I agree) and some really liking it.
Everyone said they loved my story, but not all liked the ending.  Someone
said it felt like I gave up on the end and just wanted to finish the story.
This is true, I did give up on the ending, and I did want to finish it.  I
felt like I took our story as far as I could.  There are only so many sex
scenes to tell, and they get repetitive fast.  I knew the ending would
produce mixed results, controversial to some degree.  I wanted to try it
out though.  The double tragedy would work if I had told the readers from
the beginning that the two main characters die at the end, sorta like Romeo
and Juliet style.  That worked, but it was known to be a double tragedy.  I
guess the tragic part of my story was too shocking and doesn't really fit
with my theme.  Sorry again.
       I told in my author's note from chapter 31, I was going to write a
story based around Ian.  As I said before, I really don't think Ian was
gay, so any story around him would have to be completely false, because a
story about him being gay wouldn't really be true, would it?  A few people
wrote in excited about this, and in the past someone wanted Ian to get into
a threesome with Matt and me.  Never happened in real life of course, and
to keep the story somehow realistic (which I eventually fucked up anyways),
I didn't want Ian to be gay in the story.  I have thought long and hard
about another story.  And to tell you the truth, I am not sure if I want to
stop writing about Matt and I.
       I said I wanted an easy way to end this story.  The truth is, I
really enjoy writing, I just don't have time during school and my biggest
problem is I can't write leisurely.  I felt like I always had to get sum'in
done quickly so I could release it.  So if I continued my story, I'd want
to have a large chunk done before releasing it in chapters.
       I think, since many people had trouble with the ending of this
story, I may re-write my last chapter and not end the story there.  I guess
if I'm planned to write a story around Ian anyways, I would be back into
the realm of story telling, and why not just have Matt and I there to help
him through.  I think I'll just pick up where this story left off (minus
the last part of the last chapter) and Matt, Ian and I can have some new
experiences/adventures together in high school.  Not saying we're gonna go
out and orgy it up or anything, but I suppose I could write about some
typical things gay boys might experience during High school, maybe base a
few on some of my fears I had -- stuff like that.
       So maybe I'll do that instead.  Sound likes a plan eh?  I say eh too
much (thanks Matt) -- (which I don't feel I portray enough in the story --
Matt saying eh).  I have been considering two options with this.
       One being, to keep the story in first person from my point of view,
but then it would revolve around me still and it would make the story
difficult to focus on Ian at all.  But I suppose Ian could just get a lot
more involved with Will.  However, if I decided to change it to a third
person pov, I could revolve around all three of us equally and it would
work great that way.  But if I did that, the story would kind of sound
weird, suddenly changing from first person to third.  I dunno yet.  I have
time to decide on that.  I won't release anything for quite some time, as I
said before, not until the summer.  I will make sure from now on, anything
I write I'll make a concerted effort to clear things up from the beginning
in terms of autobiographical stance.
       Lastly, I had a few people ask about the last chapter, mainly the
part about Matt's dad going AWOL.  Well, as I said before, the last chapter
is fictional; therefore I cannot say what happened to him.  As a fictional
story (at that point), the author writes what he intends and intends what
he writes, It is up to the reader to interpret the story as he wants.  I
suspect one could even interpret the ending as a dream Will had, but like I
said, it's fictional and it's left up the reader to interpret it any way
they want.
       Sorry for any confusion and disappointment you might have had in the
ending.  I want to continue writing and look forward writing more when I
have more time.

       WC