Date: Fri, 26 Aug 2005 16:59:28 -0700 (PDT) From: William Cordova Subject: William Cordova - Chapter Twelve... Disclaimer This story contains acts of the sexual nature between underage boys. If you do not like this type of story, or it is illegal in the area in which you live, do not read any further. ***************************************************************************** Chapter Twelve: You Picked Me up and Put Me Back on Solid Ground Spring 1992... I spent the week lying in bed sulking and crying. It is just the most amazingly empty feeling. My brother is gone and I'll never see him again. The last thing I said to him was at the previous night's dinner table conversation. He called me a dork and I returned the compliment. I feel guilty, knowing that my last words to him were `you dork.' I may not have gotten along well with him, but he was my older brother, and as much as he hated it, I looked up to him. I returned to school the following Monday. I wasn't ready. I was not prepared to deal with something like this. I'm surprised by how poorly I was handling it. I sat in the cafeteria before school waiting on Anthony to come in. I saw some students that I knew staring at me. It seems most the school knows of what happened. I didn't want to think about it any more, and I'm hoping people don't talk about it too much, or ask questions. I want to not think about it. I want to concentrate on school, to get it off my mind. I saw Anthony walk in and toward me. He sat down across from me. "Hey Will. How you doing?" "Ok." We just sat there. I wasn't in a talkative mood and I don't think Anthony has much to say. It was a very awkward silence. The bell rang and we just went our separate ways. I got plenty of make up work from History and Science. Gym class came and I met Matt on the way to the gym. "Hey Matt." "Hello Will. You doing ok?" "I'm fine. James pick on you any when I was gone?" "Just his normal crap. Nothing I couldn't handle." "Good. He better not try anything today. I'll kill him." Matt looked at me when I said that. He got a weird look on his face. I think it may have been fear, not sure. We got in the locker room and began to change. "You still going out with Vanessa?" I asked. "Yes. I call her every day after school to talk. We're going to double date with Anthony and Lilly. Think you might want to come?" "I don't feel much like it." "Common Will. You need to get out and have some fun. You can't stay sad forever." "I'm not sad." I barked back. "You sure seem it. You're depressed, you aren't talking as much. You don't seem yourself anymore." "I'm not myself anymore. I lost my brother, what do you expect?" Matt just shrugged his shoulders. "You're right Matt. I've been cooped up in my bedroom for a week. I need to get out." "Great! We're going to the movies this Friday." That brought back some memories, and re-energized my idea of confronting Matt about our kiss. We walked into the locker room and started changing for class. I started to think about it some more, and it put a smile on my face. "What you smiling about now?" "Oh nothing. We going to the dollar theatre again?" "Of course. We don't want a crowded theatre, then we can't fool around. Gosh, thought you were smarter then that." "Oh right." Fool around? They have dates and I'll be by myself. They'll fool around and I'll get stuck with my right hand. We finished changing and went out to the gym for roll and stuff. I didn't see anything set up, in terms of a game. I had been gone a week, so I have no idea what they've been doing. After roll call, the coaches told everyone to take a seat in the bleachers. The coach started talking. "Listen up. This six-weeks we're giving you a choice. If you'd like to swim this six-weeks, you can do so. Coach Johnson and Coach Bartee will be teaching some swimming lesson sort of stuff. They'll teach you different strokes, proper water safety and things along those lines. You swim laps and sometimes you'll play some water sports like water polo." There were some laughs and giggles from the crowd. "The rest of you will be playing softball. Similar to what we did with football, we will split the class into teams and play two games a week. At the end of the six-weeks, the top two teams will play for the championship." I remember this from last year. I played softball, no questions even asked. There was no way I would be swimming. Swimming would mean the removal of my boxers in the locker room. There was no way in hell I was going to do that. I also remember getting a few brief glimpses of boy butt. They were so quick and distant, I barely remember anything about it, but I was excited at the thought that maybe I'd get a view of more this year. "Great! Let's swim Will." What he say? "What? Are you crazy?" "What? What's wrong with swimming? I like swimming. Plus softball is boring." I lowered my voice so no one else would hear us. "Swimming means we have to change into swimming trunks. That involves getting naked. I'm not doing that." "Why not? Embarrassed to get naked in front of other people." "Yes!...Wait...I thought you were embarrassed when you got exposed in front of everyone. Remember football?" "I am. But we can change in the toilet stalls, like the super nerds do." "Oh, so you want to become a super nerd? James will really have fun picking on you then." Matt went silent for a moment. "Ok fine. Then we can play boringball." "If you want to swim that bad, we can do it in your swimming pool at home. We don't need to embarrass ourselves to do that." That seemed to convince Matt not to pick swimming, thank God. Coach continued to do some explaining of what's going on. "If you'd like to swim, go over to the table where Coach Johnson is at and sign up." I saw some students get up and walk over there. There was probably about thirty maybe, no more. "Ok, is that all there is who want to swim? Last call." No one else budged. "Ok, then. We'll start picking teams for softball." I got picked as a team captain again, and we went through the same process like we did in football. I picked Matt again, dooming my team for failure. Matt has never played any sort of baseball type game before, rarely even seen it played. The next day in gym class, I was disappointed to see that the kids in my row of lockers that decided to swim, changed into their swimming trunks in the toilet stalls, just as Matt said we could do. What should I have expected? We're in Jr. High; everyone is extremely shy with their privacy. Today we went over rules and regulation for our softball games. It was a rather boring day. I kind of knew everything already, remembering most of it from last year. It only took about half the class period, so we got to shoot some hoops afterwards. When we got back into the locker room, the swimming students had already come in changed. I was disappointed again. I remembered that the coaches let the swim people in sooner then normal to let them dry up, shower and whatever else. Friday night came around and the double date plus one arrived. We watched something I would barely consider a movie. Nothing I would ever consider watching if I had a choice. Lilly wanted to sit in the back again, so we did. I sat in the middle between the two couples -- Anthony directly to my left and Matt on my right. The movie was fairly boring, so my mind drifted easily. I thought more about Robert, some about school and Anthony, Matt and his new girlfriend -- watching them occasionally holding hands, leaning into each other. They were whispering under their breath, making giggling sounds. This was frustrating watching them. I turned and looked at Anthony and Lilly. They were holding hands also. Lilly had her head resting against his shoulder, but they were watching the movie. Anthony glanced over at me, and I quickly looked away. My eyes got heavy and I dozed off. I was awakened by the movie a little while later. I wasn't sure how long I was out. A few minutes later the movie ended. That was a good nap I thought. I slept through most of the movie. We walked out of the movie theatre and I was more like a zombie then anything. I was hanging my head low, following absent mindedly. We walked around to the side of the building, to an area lightly lit. Anthony and Lilly leaned up against the wall and started kissing. Matt and Vanessa did the same. I just watching for a few minutes then leaned against the wall, I sank down to the ground. I watched Matt. He was really making out with Vanessa. What is wrong with him? I am completely confused. I couldn't watch him any longer so I watched some bug crawling on the ground. Somehow it reminded me of Robert. I felt my nose start to plug up. I started sniffling. I couldn't hold my emotions any longer. I let myself cry softly. A few moments passed before anyone noticed. "Will? Are you crying?" Anthony asked. "No." I wiped a few tears from my face. "You're crying. Why are you crying?" This got the attention of Matt and Vanessa. "I'm not crying. I want to go home." I got up and walked back around the corner to the front of the theatre. "Call your mom, I want to go home." I had raised my voice quite a bit. "Ok ok. Give me a second." Anthony used the pay phone to call his mom. Ten minutes later, Anthony's mom was there. She dropped me off at home. I couldn't look at Matt the whole way home. I went to my room immediately and laid down. The weekend was a welcome relief. I slept in until eleven. When I got up, my mom hand plans. "Will, we need to clean up Roberts room. Get it ready for you to move in there." "I don't want to move in there." I replied. "Will, Robert isn't coming back. There is no sense in leaving a room unoccupied. We don't have that much room in this house to begin with. We have to move on with our lives. You get his room and TV. Anything you don't want, we can move to storage." "Mom." "Son, we all miss him, but we have to do this." I didn't respond. I knew she was right. I didn't want to move into his room, I just wanted him to come back. That wasn't going to happen, I knew it. I spent the day with mom and dad going through his things, occasionally mom would cry over some stuff she saw. I was working on going through his things in the closet, sorting through various magazines, comic books, clothing, some music tapes and other stuff. I came to a shoe box and opened it. I saw various pictures of his girlfriend and him -- some of them in peculiar positions, few of them kissing. It made me feel awkward. I knew they were boyfriend -- girlfriend, but I never wanted to see it in action like that. I fumbled through it some more and came across some round rubber things in little plastic baggies. I couldn't remember what they were, they looked familiar though and I had seen them somewhere. For some reason, I decided to keep this box. I spent the rest of the day moving my clothes and personal belonging into Roberts's old room, now mine. I changed around his posters, replacing with mine, moved my clothes, some toys, and rearranged his room some. I had to change it enough as to not remind me of him when I walked in. Benjamin got his own room too; as I moved out he quickly occupied the space I left vacant. Overall, it was a pretty powerful weekend. For me, it felt like I was finally moving on past Roberts passing. Monday in gym class, we were out playing a game of softball, nothing unusual. It was overcast and it started to sprinkle. Class was close to ending so coaches let us continue to play, but soon it started to come down harder. Coaches told us to hit the showers. It was a full sprint back to the locker room, as the rain increasingly became harder. The swimming kids were already in there, some where in the showers rinsing off. I heard the noise of water as I walked in the door, immediately knowing what the situation was. We had come in early enough to catch the swimmers off guard. I went to my locker, Matt behind me. A few seconds later, a kid whose locker is right next to Matt, walked by us, dripping wet, with towel in hand. He must have been rinsing off because he still had his swim trunks on. I looked up at him as he passed us and sat next to Matt. I saw Matt looking in his direction also. I quickly went back to my normal routine of changing clothes. I kept my head shifty slightly to my left, as to be able to see the boy and Matt in the corner of my eye. The boy dried his hair off with his towel. I noticed Matt look up at him on several occasions, as was I. The boy had his head covered with his towel, I couldn't resist but glance. Then without warning, he dropped his trunks right there in front of us both. I saw the boy in his birthday suit. I never cared for him. In my opinion, he wasn't that good looking, but a naked boy is a naked boy. He had a small bushel of pubic hairs, and a small wiry penis. My stomach turned. I didn't want to stare, but I was partially paralyzed. His balls were mostly hidden from view as he slipped on a pair of undies. The whole episode lasted no more then ten seconds, but long enough to get some good mental pictures taken. As we walked to lunch, Matt caught me by surprise. "You see poor Vince?" "Who?" "Vince, the kid next to me in gym." "Oh him. No, what about him?" "We caught all the swimmers by surprise. He changed right in front of us. How could you not see?" "I don't know. I wasn't paying attention I guess." I tried to act nonchalantly. "Poor dude, I could tell he was embarrassed." Matt laughed. That was a one time event. It just so happened the rain caused it, and likely won't happen again. I knew that, so I cherished those ten seconds, repeating the imagery in my head. I used it several times through the week to get off on. Thursday came around. The week was moving slow. We were sitting at lunch, enjoying the so-called food that this school district served, when Anthony sat down. "You hear about Gabe?" "Gabe?" I asked. "Yeah, Gabe." "What about him?" Anthony looked around. He leaned in over the table, signaling for us to do the same. We leaned in waiting for him to speak. "He's gay!" "Ewww!" Matt said. I was shocked, and tried to look disgusted about it, because that's how Matt was reacting. "He's gay?" Matt repeated. "Yeah, he got caught whacking it in the bathroom." "That's fucking gross." I thought for a moment. "Just because he's whacking doesn't mean he's gay." "Oh yes it does." Anthony shot back. "It was the boy's locker room bathroom." "During gym?" Matt asked. "Yup." "Oh my fucking god that gross!" "So Will, he has to be gay, why else would you whack off in the boy's bathroom during gym?" "Yeah, that is gay." I replied. Matt wasn't letting this go either. "That's the most disgusting thing I've ever heard. Remind me never to use the bathrooms in there ever again. I'd rather hold it all day." Matt was making all kinds of faces. "What's worse, is when the kids in his gym class found out, they pounded the crap out of him!" "They beat him up?" I asked. "That's what I heard." "Holy crap that's...that's just amazing. I'm glad I don't have any classes with him." Matt laughed. "Same here." We talked a bit more about Gabe and his unfortunate incident. I sort of felt sorry for him, getting beat up and all. What really surprised me was Matt's reaction. He said some pretty harsh things about it. I still haven't got around to talking to Matt about our kiss, but after lunch I decided I wouldn't. He said some things that changed my mind about him. I am not sure I can trust him with my true feelings. I am not even sure if I have true feelings. Thinking about the roller coaster Matt has presented, maybe I am just fascinated with boys because I'm growing up. Maybe I just need to find a good girl, good date, and experiment with them. That's probably what Matt has done. I don't like girls because I haven't kissed, hugged or snuggled with one yet. I need to find a girlfriend, that's it. That will solve my problems. The next weekend, I spent a good deal of time making a list of possible girls I would go after. I thought of all the girls I thought were pretty or had nice personalities. I didn't want any bimbo dingbat bitch, or a blonde girl that knew more about shoes then the English language, and I definitely didn't want a girl that looked like she needed to take her weekly bath. I put my plan into action the following week -- scouting the girls on my list. I didn't really do much but look, and inquire of who had a boyfriend or not. When Wednesday hit, Anthony didn't come to school. Matt and I assumed he was sick. It wasn't much of a big deal, we've all been sick before, except that after school we'd each go home, instead of to Anthony's house. When I got home, I really wanted to play. I told Ben I was going to a friend's house. I got on my bike and decided to ride to Matt's house. My parents would ground me for a month if they knew I was riding my bike to his house. In order to get to his house, I'd have to take Keith Harrow Blvd. The street was pretty busy, with no sidewalks or nothing. My parents thought it was way too busy for bike riders. As long as I come home by the normal time, there would be no reason for them to worry. The ride took a bit longer then normal. I timed it at just under twenty minutes. I knew how long it'd take me to get home then. I arrived at him house and knocked on the door. No one came to the door. I rang the door bell. Still no one came to the door. I walked around the side of his house to the back gate. I looked through the kitchen window. It didn't appear as if anyone was home. I walked back to my bike and was about to ride away when I heard Matt call out. "Will, what are you doing here?" "Oh hey Matt. Thought I'd come on by, I was bored. "You rode all the way here?" "Yup." "Damn, your parents are going to kill you." "Not if they don't find out and I don't plan on telling them, and I hope you don't either." "And what if I do?" "I'll kill you!" "Pleassse! You can't hurt me!" "Fine, I'll spread rumors about you being gay! That'll work." "Gross! Don't even start that. I'd rather you killed me." We went up to his bedroom and I sat on his desk chair. His TV was on some cartoons. "You remember back when we first met, we went over to Anthony's house and he gave you that magazine." "uhuh." "What ever happened to it?" Matt got an evil look on his face. "I still have it." "Really." "Yup." "Can you get it?" I was a bit embarrassed to be asking, but I really wanted to see it. "Sure." He walked over to his closet and retrieved it from under some books and handed it to me. I flipped it open. "I haven't seen anything like this since last time I looked at this magazine." "I haven't whacked off to it in a few months." There was a sudden eerie silence. I looked at him as if I couldn't believe what I just heard. He looked back at me as if he couldn't believe what he just said. We just looked at each other, scared to speak first. He looked very uncomfortable. "Can you leave now?" He asked. "What for?" "Can you just leave please?" He was agitated. "I just got here." He didn't respond. "What's wrong?" Again not responding. "It's ok. We all whack off. It's no big deal." He didn't seem to care that I was even speaking. "I whacked off to this too." He perked up and looked at me. "Really?" "Of course." I got out while laughing. "I'm only human." At school, everyone talks like whacking off is for losers, perverts and fags, but in reality, everyone knows everyone else does it, just no one can admit it. "Relax, Matt, it's no biggie." "So you really whacked off? You whack off to this magazine before?" "Yup." "How often?" "Daily, at least." "Really? I thought I was the only one who did it that often." "Oh I'm sure there are lots of kids who do it every day." I turned my attention back to the magazine. "I don't know how someone couldn't whack it." Matt giggled. "Go ahead." "Go ahead?" "You want to whack off to it right now don't you?" "Uhmm...no I don't." I snapped back. "Yes you do." "What makes you think that?" "Because you're growing" and he pointed with his eyes down to my crotch. He noticed. I didn't think it was that noticeable, but he knew somehow. "No I'm not." I tried denying it. "It's painfully obvious, Will. You can't deny it." "Ok fine, you busted me. But of course, look at what we're looking at." "So you going to do it?" "Do what?" "Whack it." "No." "If you want to whack it, I know you want to, then why not?" "Maybe because that's something I do in the privacy of my own bed." "I'll do it if you do it." What did he say? He just offered to whack off right here in front of me? "You'd do that?" "Why not? You said everyone does it. And we both want to do it. I mean we're looking at this hot magazine, we should just do it." He has a point. But...I can't think of any reason why not to. "Ok. You go first." "No no no. We do it at same time." "Ok." Matt got up and locked the door then returned to his bed. We leaned up against his headboard. We flipped though the magazine some more. I noticed Matt rubbing his crotch area, and then unzip his pants. He lifted his rear up and lowered his pants, leaving his boxers. His boxers were tenting. He nodded, signaling for me to do the same. I lowered my shorts. I grabbed my dick through my boxers and rubbed. Matt turned his focus back to the magazine, how straddling between us. I kept my eyes fixated on Matt's crotch. I saw him slip his hand beneath his boxers and start moving up and down. Matt glanced over at me and smiled. I thought I had better just follow his lead. I moved my hand inside my boxers. Matt continued to rub. He flipped the pages a few times. He looked at me again and smiled. He didn't move his eyes from me while he slid his boxers down to his knees. I made an audible gawk. His four and a half inch dick was sticking straight up in high pride. He had a very small bushel of light tan pubes. His hand wrapped back around his dick and stroked. I was hard before from my stroking, but my dick about pulsated out of its skin. Matt dropped the magazine and used his off hand to fondle his balls. This got me even wilder. His soft hairless nut sack bouncing around in his hand was mesmerizing. I lost control of all rational thought. I dropped my boxers and did just about the same as him, giving him a show I would hope be as great as the one he's giving me. I looked up at Matt, who's not looking at the magazine, but at my show. When I thought it couldn't get any hotter, him watching me pushed it to new levels. I sped up and blew my load, a load bigger and more exhilarating then ever before. I closed my eyes and when I opened them back up, Matt had already released. We sat there for a minute. I kept an eye on Matt and his increasingly shrinking dick. It was beautiful. We cleaned up with some tissues and pulled our pants back up. I can't believe what just happened. Matt put the magazine back away and turned the TV channel to something else. I came over here because I was bored, and I didn't intend to do anything of this nature. I wanted to leave our kiss behind us, but after this jack-off session, I felt like it would be a good time to do just that. "Matt, can I ask you something?" "Sure." "Our kiss, what did it mean to you?" He thought for a moment. "What do you mean?" He kept his focus on the TV. "Well, why did you kiss me?" "I don't know. I just felt like that's what was suppose to happen." "Did you do it because you were curious? Like were you experimenting?" "I suppose." "Did you enjoy it?" I could see his focus drop from the TV to the floor. "I suppose." "Did you enjoy it more then kissing Vanessa?" "No!" he shot back. I sat silence. I had to play this next question carefully, otherwise it might backfire. "Do you like me?" His eyes shot to mine. "What? No! I'm not some fag!" That was harsh. "Oh I don't think you're gay Matt, I was just trying to figure some stuff out. I know it's not normal for guys to kiss, that's all I was thinking about." "It was just harmless experimenting" Matt jumped in. "Yeah, that's it. We're just horny teens that's all." "Yeah." Matt tried to reconfirm. "So when's your next date with Vanessa?" "Don't know. I'm going to call her later. Going to try and get something worked out for spring break next week." "Sounds cool. What did you have in mind?" "Don't know." Later, Matt called Vanessa up. I stayed in Matt's room watching some TV. About fifteen minutes Matt came in. "Well, nothing planned for the rest of the week, but spring break we'll have lots to do. She doesn't have any brothers or sisters, so she's home alone all week long" and he winked at me. I laughed. "Where she live?" "Not that far, easy bike ride." "That's cool." "You should probably take off before my parents get back. They might notice you rode your bike over and tell your parents. That won't be good." "Yeah, that's for sure." ***************************************************************************** Author's Note: I'd like to thank everyone who has emailed me with their comments...I sure enjoy writing this and im glad everyone has enjoyed reading it...It really brings back some memories i thought were long gone...:) And some memories I didnt want to remember...:( It's been 13 yrs since my brother died, but sometimes it feels like it was only a week ago... Something I didnt really get into in this story is how much of an impact my brother's death had on me... A lot of it came later on in the months after, making me realize how precious and short life can be... Questions and/or Comments? wcordova98@yahoo.com New Chapters every weekend