Date: Sat, 5 Nov 2005 23:28:40 -0800 (PST) From: William Cordova Subject: William Cordova - Chapter 21... Disclaimer This story contains acts of the sexual nature between underage boys. If you do not like this type of story, or it is illegal in the area in which you live, do not read any further. ***************************************************************************** Chapter Twenty-One: Irony Bites Fall 1992... A week following our revelation, I still couldn't believe I was actually this close to Matt. Over the summer I felt somewhat depressed. I missed him a lot and when Matt and I came about as we are now, I was high on shock. I still feel high on shock. When we are together anywhere but in his room, I feel covered in lies. I can't openly act the way I really want to even though we are alone. Once I hit his room, I turn into some sort of animal. We have done nothing but make out and get each other off. Matt still seems a bit shy about tasting anything other than my mouth -- which is great...because I love kissing him. Sometimes I just want to lay next to him naked and feel his warmth. I can hardly wait for an opportunity for a sleepover at his house. I won't accept anything less then us two sleeping naked together the whole night. There are some things I never realized about him that has just turned me on even more. I hate to use the word `love' because Matt is the first person I have ever really liked and I don't know if love is what it is. All I have ever heard from my father about this is that men are suppose to love women, get married and have kids. I can't have kids with Matt that is for sure. I know from him also that what we are doing is considered to be gay. My dad likes to use the term faggot and homofag, but he also makes up words to describe it like fudgepackers and queerfucks. Personally I didn't know what a fudgepacker was until I got the idea of what two gay men do. I wonder what my dad would think if he realized he was describing me. Personally, I have come to just ignore him. When Dad goes off on one of his rants, usually during the news when a story about a gay person comes up, I just tune him out. I will sit idly by staring at the TV or wall. I used to try and understand what he meant by asking him question and sometimes arguing with him, but I gave up on that recently realizing that not only do I believe I am gay, but also I would never be able to win any argument with him. He just won't change and would never admit he's ever wrong. He always has to get the last word. I can tell this frustrates him, because the other day a story about Michael Jackson was on the news; and Dad started arguing with the anchor about it -- as if the anchor can argue back, much less hear him. He tried to entice me into an argument by asking me if I knew what was going on. I knew what was going on. My dad is a bigot who seems to hate me without realizing it. How wonderful. I didn't say that, of course. I just said yes and walked away. It has really turned bad recently -- especially since I kissed Matt that one time in the movie theatre. Since then, I knew for sure I was different. I secretly knew it but denied it, even to myself. Because of the way my father programmed my mind about gays, I had hoped that Matt was just a phase, but god damn, I'm sure glad he is not. I couldn't imagine my life any other way. It seems as if I have known him for my whole life. It's hasn't even been two years since I first met him, and only a week since we `found' each other. Not only has my father enraged my hidden anger inside, but since my mother said I could ride over to Matt's house after school, Dad seems to think it is a death sentence or something, which is pissing me off to no end; Keith Harrow isn't that busy a street, yet he treats it like it I-fucking-10! He said it was ok for me to do so, but on a limited basis, and to ensure that I can't make it over there more then twice a week, he is leaving more and more chores for me and Ben to do when we get home from school. I draw the line at scrubbing toilets. I finally did enough chores and such to actually come home on Friday and not find any new chores but the daily kitchen clean up. I was happy to finally get to ride over to Matt's. "Hey, is Matt here?" I asked when Sarah answered the door. "Yeah. What do you want?" She gave me a dirty look. "Uhmm...to see Matt? That's just what I said right?" If she wants to get a nasty attitude with me, I can play ball, but she just rolled her eyes and walked away, leaving the door open for me. I walked up to Matt's room, but he wasn't in there so I looked down the hall and saw the bathroom door shut. I decided to just wait for him in his room. I turned the TV on and sat on his bed. Matt walked in a minute later "Oh hey Will." I smiled back. "Where were you?" I asked. "In the bathroom cleaning up." "You were cleaning the bathroom?" I laughed. "No." "Then why did you say you were?" "Because I figured you didn't want to know I was taking a shit." I laughed. "You got that right." "Then why'd you ask?" "Oh shuddup and shut the door already." Matt shut the door and an evil grin grew across his face as he slowly trotted toward me. He sat next to me on his bed and raised his feet and put them on my lap. "Give me a foot massage!" "What's with you and foot massages?" He just shrugged and I proceeded to remove his socks. I caught just a slight odor of his feet. It wasn't that bad, but rather it only seemed to make me feel even more attracted to him. Something I just couldn't get enough of was how he smelled -- whether it was sweet or foul. And I could only get that by getting close to him, up next to him and all over him. I gave him a nice long massage not stopping at his feet, but treating his legs to a little helping too. Once I was done, I removed his feet from my lap and sat next to him, placing my left arm around his shoulders. I leaned in, closed my eyes and kissed him. Matt pushed forward with me and we exchanged a long deep kiss. I didn't want to stop, but Matt broke the kiss. "This is great; I can't believe we are actually boyfriends." "I know. You've said that about a million times now." "You know when we make out behind the theatre at school...that feels so damn great. It's like on a whole different level." "It's because of how risky it is. It's like we're doing something illegal or something." "I know. I want to get in your pants right there and then, but I'm too scared. I can't close my eyes either," Matt said as he giggled. I joined him with the giggling because I can't close my eyes either. I knew exactly how he feels. "I couldn't imagine if someone saw us; couldn't help but feel like someone was watching." A moment of silence over took us both; we just sat watching each other in our natural state of being. It was very nice to just look for once and study his face. Studying his face is not like what I have done before in the past. I often looked at him and boys in general, to see how cute I think they are. I would look over their facial features and try and guess how old I thought they were. Little stubbles growing on their upper lip usually indicated a maturing nature within them, which I didn't necessarily find attractive. I like them like Matt, not a sign of any stubble. His skin was still baby smooth from visual inspection and confirmed by my touch. "You know the dance coming up..." I said. "Yes," Matt interrupted. "I was thinking that maybe if your mom would..." "Yes!" Matt exclaimed. "What? I didn't even ask you anything yet." Matt grew silent in anticipation of what I was going to ask. "I was going to ask if you'd like to go to the dance with me." "Of course!" "That is we would just be like going as `friends,'" I said as I did the standard quotation gesture with my fingers. Everyone would just think we're going without dates. We wouldn't be able to dance together or anything." "I know. I hope I can stand being with you for so long without touching you." "No shit. We can manage though. We can make up for it later," I said as I winked at him. Matt laughed back as he leaned forward against me. "Also I was going to ask you, Eddie is having a party after the dance. Maybe your mom would let you go to that, too? I figured we'd just go to his house after the dance and maybe spend the night. He has asked me if I wanted to come over. I told him I would, but I wouldn't do it without you." "I don't know. I haven't known them that long." "They're cool... you know that." "I know, but my mom doesn't know that." "I'll be with you; I think we can convince her." We made out a little bit longer and before too long, Mrs. Ducker came home. We decided to ask her about the dance idea. "Mom?" Matt asked. "Yes dear?" "The fall dance is coming up in November and Will and some of his friends are going to have a party and sleepover afterwards. May I please go with them?" "Sounds alright with me. Who are these friends of yours, Will?" I thought for a moment. "Eddie, Mitch and Jeff. I've known them since the beginning of the school year. They're cool. I've gone to the mall and done other stuff with them." "And this party they are having...where is it at?" "Eddie's house," I replied. "And where does he live?" "In Copperfield." "And I'm assuming his parents will be there the whole time?" "Of course," I said. We talked a little bit longer, convincing his mother that it was alright. She agreed that it would be fine with her and once Mr. Ducker got home a few minutes later, he seemed fine with it, too. What I think really happened was that Matt seemed really excited about this. I think over the past few months, he was slightly depressed. I could tell something along those lines helped convince Matt's parents in agreeing as they seemed to take notice of Matt's perkiness. I don't like to assume it was that, but even Matt seemed to indicate that. I had to ask him about it when we went back up to his room. "Your parents seemed to take that well." "What do you mean?" Matt asked. "Were you depressed over the summer and these past few months?" "How'd you know?" "First off, you told me you were sorta depressed. And I think your parents liked the idea you were making friends and happy about something again." "Yeah, I think so." "So, will you go to the dance with me?" I asked. "I thought we already..." Matt stopped suddenly. I saw a large grin come across his face. "Of course I will." He jumped up into my arms and planted a smothering kiss on my lips. I reacted naturally by holding him up and swallowing what he gave me. "I'm glad you're my boyfriend and I'm very glad you're going to the dance with me. Even if we can't do what we really want to," I said as Matt giggled. I grabbed him tight one last time and we kissed again. I closed my eyes wanting to take the feeling with me all the way home. I heard footsteps from the distance and before I could react, I heard the door open. "Matt, I talked with..." Mr. Ducker stopped in his tracks. I immediately let go of Matt just as he did. We both turned to see Matt's dad looking directly at us. "What the...?" I felt my stomach wrench. My hands and knees begin to shake. He saw us. At least holding each other...I wasn't sure how much more he saw. I was scared. Not just in a normal way. Like I was in a car accident and thought I was going to die. My mind played games. I couldn't speak. I couldn't even look at Matt. From the corner of my eye, I sensed...he like me, stood stiff and shaken. "What were you two doing?" Mr. Ducker demanded. We just stood there. I was too scared. Matt tried to speak up. "We...uh..." "Were you two doing what I think I just saw?" I saw his face turn from confusion to anger. I felt my bladder push harder. I never felt the need to pee but just suddenly I was to the point of bursting. I ran downstairs and out the door as fast as I could. I was panting hard, still shaking. I grabbed my bike. I started peddling as fast as I could. I could have sworn I someone following me. I was going so fast I almost lost control. My hands were violently shaking now and I had a hard time controlling myself. I pulled off the road just as I got outside the neighborhood. I was in the parking lot of some small strip center with a dry cleaners and a donut shop. I jumped off my bike and sat on the ground. I noticed a wet spot on the front of my shorts. I felt around and brought my hand up to my nose to sniff it. I went from scared stiff to embarrassed. I pissed myself. I tried to calm down, but I was in too much emotional shock. I stayed there for a few minutes. But I knew I had to get home. I got back on my bike. It was rather difficult to even get started. My knees were in a great state of awkwardness. I didn't feel I had the power to pedal, but somehow I managed to get started. Once I got going, the momentum helped me to get home. I immediately went into my room. Luckily, everyone was in their room. I took my shoes off and headed for the bathroom. I turned the shower on and stripped my clothes off. Only now did I notice I was a lot more soaked then I originally thought. I peed myself all the way down to my ankles. My mind was way off in thought to even notice when I did it. I jumped in the shower and let the hot water flow over my body. My knees and hands had calmed down but I was still somewhat scared. Only after a few minutes in the warm soothing water did I begin to grasp the reality of the situation. I was just caught in the act. We were caught! Matt and I caught in the act of gay love. Mr. Ducker had to see us kissing and holding each other. There just was no two ways about it. What is he going to go? Will he tell my parents? Will he tell everyone? Will he out us to the whole world? What will he do to Matt? I believe I know Mr. Ducker pretty well, but the last thing I saw on his face was what I believed to be anger. That is something I've never before. Then it dawned on me. I had just run out on Matt, leaving him alone with his father. I should have stayed and helped. What if I stayed and made things worse? I ran a million scenarios through my head as to what happened when I left. I felt like shit now. My stomach growled and yet I didn't feel hungry at all. I started to feel a weird feeling I couldn't explain. My eyes began to tear up and I couldn't hold my emotions back any further. I felt like my life was ending and there was nothing I could do about it. I cried and couldn't understand why. I just cried and cried. I was startled when I heard someone pounding on the door. "What are you doing in there," I heard Benjamin. "Sorry, I'll be out in a second." I turned the water off and dried off. Usually I could get myself hard by paying special attention to my meat when I dry off, but it was like my hormones were in hibernation. "What the hell were you in there for so long," Ben asked when I got out of the bathroom. "Sorry, I wasn't feeling well. I went directly to my room. I didn't bother putting any clothes on and climbed in bed. A few moments later I heard my mom and dad at my doorway. "You feeling OK, William?" Mom asked. "I rolled over to look at them. I wasn't sure how to act. I didn't say anything. "Ben said you weren't feeling well." I noticed neither seemed angry or even aware of what happened earlier. Mr. Ducker must not have called. So I decided to play along with the `feeling sick' idea so I could just lay in bed and not doing anything. "Yeah, I feel kinda bad that's all. It's no big deal." My mom came and sat on my bed while my father just hovered over. She felt my forehead. "You don't feel hot." "I just feel kinda sick to my stomach." "Alright. Want some medicine?" "No, I'll be fine. I'll just rest here for a little while." Just then the phone ring. My gut twisted into a thousand knots. The only thing I could comprehend was the end of my life as I watched my dad leave the room to answer it. Mom sat looking at me as I just listened to what I could hear. I barely made out Dad picking up the phone and saying `hello.' I closed my eyes and prayed to die right there and then. I didn't care if my mom saw me or noticed anything, but a second after that I heard my dad call for mom saying the phone was for her. It was as if two ton locomotive had just jumped off my shoulders. I felt myself begin to shake again. I had never felt so much relief in my life. I was a nervous wreck and if I didn't pretend to be sick, my parents would surely notice my emotional twister. *********************************************************************** The whole weekend was a nervous wreck for me in some fashion or another. There would be times I would be feeling horrible and I would have to pretend to be sick so I could lie in bed for my parents not to get suspicious. I had a chance to call Matt Sunday night. I was too scared to call him any time before that, but finally I grew some balls and called him when my parents were out. "Is Matt there?" I asked as calmly and nonchalantly as possible. "Just a minute," Mrs. Ducker replied. A second later I heard Matt's wonderful voice on the other end. "Hello," he came on softly. "Matt? It's Will." "Hey." "How you doing?" I asked. "Ok." "I'm sorry for running out on you. I just got so scared. I actually pissed my pants on the way home." I laughed to try to loosen things up. I heard Matt lightly giggle but it sounded more forced then natural. "What you're father say?" Matt lowered his voice really low, "It's not the best time to talk. My parents are listening in I think." "Oh." "Just meet me where we normally meet in the morning and I'll explain everything OK?" "Sure." "I'll see you tomorrow then," Matt said as he hung up the phone. Matt has never been that shy on the phone before. But then again, I am not sure if his parents have ever been listening in before either. I went to bed that night feeling a little better. On one hand Matt was actually allowed to talk to me after being busted kissing another boy. And on the other hand, he was shy and probably just as scared as I was, but I wasn't sure what he had to endure with his father after I left. Mr. Ducker seemed like a nice guy. But I guess one can really never know. ***************************************************************************** Questions and/or Comments? wcordova98@yahoo.com Next Chapter - Nov. 12th...