Date: Wed, 23 May 2001 14:39:18 -0500 From: fsw99 Subject: Chapter 11 of You Can't Go Back Legal Notice: The following story contains descriptions of graphic sexual acts. Don't read this story if: **You're not 18 or over, **If it is illegal to read this type of material where you live, **Or if you don't want to read about gay/bi people in love or having sex. The author retains copyright to this story. Placing this story on a website or reproducing this story for distribution without the author's permission is a violation of that copyright. Legal action will be taken against violators. E-mail responses to the stories, story suggestions or other 'constructive' comments or advice may be sent to: stan992001@hotmail.com. All e-mails will be answered. You Can't Go Back By Stan (First, this is a true story as told to me by Dave. Dave was 12 when this happened, so he doesn't remember all of the events, so I have to make up some things. I will keep it as close to truth as I can. This happened almost ten years ago, but it will be told in flashbacks and mingled in with true events that happen to our group of young gay guys (and one old gay guy, me). Or, things that have already happened that we are still dealing with. I hope you enjoy this method of telling a story. I've never tried anything like this before. If you are looking for lots of sex in the story, better look elsewhere. This is more real life stuff. Sorry! If you are curious about our group, we have our own web site. It is at www.gayfreezone.homestead.com. Feel free to check us out. If you are a young gay guy with problems, we are still accepting new members.) Chapter Eleven "I don't know, Bruce. I think it's a really bad idea," I argued. "Why. You know my parents love me. You know they love you, too. They both have told you that multiple times. They know we're best friends. Are you ashamed that you love me?" "No, you know it's not that. I'm just scared how they will take it if we come out to them." "I think they probably already know. They would have to be blind not to know we care for each other more than just best friends." "That may be true, but it's not like going up to them and admitting it. What if they ask us what we do to each other?" "That's one thing I'm sure they won't do. My Dad never even gave me the birds and bees talk. Mitch did, and Dad asked him to. Sex is one thing that is never discussed in our house." "You seem really set on doing this. I really wish you would change your mind." "I'm just tired of lying to them. I wish we could tell everyone at school so they would quit trying to fix us up with girls. I want it out in the open. What's wrong with that?" "Nothing, I guess. I just don't like it. When do you want to tell them, anyway?" "Why not after everyone has gone home from my birthday party? I think that would be a great time to tell them." "Well, we aren't going to tell my parents. I'm definitely not ready for them to find out yet." "That's your choice, just like me telling my parents is mine. We can ask them to keep it to themselves." "You aren't going to tell Mitch, are you?" "No, he would tell everyone else and I don't want everyone at school to know yet. Just Mom and Dad. That's why I chose my birthday. Mitch won't even be home. He's already going to spend the night with Larry from school." "I thought he would do something like that. I know he doesn't want to be around a house full of 13 and 14 year olds. He's way to cool to do something like that," I snickered. "Got that right. He wouldn't be caught dead with mere children around." "Please don't do this." "I really want to, Dave. I want them to know how much we love each other. I think they'll be happy for us. If I thought there was a chance that they wouldn't be, I wouldn't tell them in a million years. Just trust me, Ok? I know what I'm doing." "You better, or you'll wreck both of our lives." I didn't know it then, but how true that was. **************************************** Bruce's birthday finally got here. We were both excited about the party. Everyone knew we were best friends and not only did they treat the birthday boy special, they did me too. We both had a great time and all the kids from our class showed up. We helped Bruce's Mom clean up after everyone had left. She appreciated the help and told us so. She and Bruce's Dad seemed like they were in good moods. I was nervous as Hell, though. She finally joined her husband in the living room and Bruce pulled me to the side. "Are you ready?" "Is there anything I can say or do to change your mind?" I asked. "Nope. Come on. You'll soon be glad we did it." He took me by the hand and we walked into the living room. "Dad, Mom, we have something to tell you." They both looked up and their mouths dropped when they saw us holding hands. "We love each other and we want to live together after we graduate from high school, whether we go to college or just work on the farm. I just thought it was time you knew the truth." No one said anything for several seconds and then Bruce's Dad said, "You both think you're gay?" "Dad, we don't think so. We know so. But we don't want anyone but each other. I love Dave with all my heart and he feels the same way." "Mary, take Dave home. Don't say anything about this to his parents. Just tell them that the boys had a fight and we think it's because they have been spending too much time together. Dave, I don't want to see you over here until we tell you it's Ok. I think it would be best to separate you boys for a while. Bruce will tell you when you're welcome again. And Bruce, GO TO YOUR ROOM, NOW!" Bruce's Dad screamed. Bruce and I looked at each other with frightened looks on our faces, and then he ran as fast as he could to his room. I got my coat and followed Bruce's Mom towards the door. I could see Bruce's Dad taking off his belt as he started up the steps to Bruce's room. I could hear Bruce's Dad yelling at Bruce from outside. I could clearly hear his Dad say that "There was no way in Hell I am going to have a faggot living in his house". Then all I heard was Bruce start to scream. I had tears running down my cheeks as I got in and we drove off. "Dave, I know you boys are close, but I think you are both just going through a phase. I'm sure this will all be over in a few days. Don't feel so bad for Bruce. His Dad is just letting him know that gay type behavior will never be tolerated in our family," she said. "I think he's really hurting Bruce, though. We didn't do anything wrong," I cried. "I know you feel that way. But what you and Bruce are doing isn't right and is against God's wishes. If we don't stop this kind of behavior right now, you both could go to Hell. You wouldn't want that to happen, would you?" "No Mam, but doesn't God think that if two people love each other, that's Ok?" "It is if they are different sexes, Dave. But not the same sex. That's totally wrong, and it says it plainly in the Bible. And whatever we have to do to Bruce to make him understand that, it's better for him in the long run. Do you understand?" I didn't answer. That made absolutely no sense to me. I didn't say anything else all the way to my house, and neither did she. I was really scared for Bruce, and was also scared about what might happen if anyone else found out. I really didn't think that God would hate Bruce and I for doing nothing but loving each other, but I hadn't read the whole Bible at that time, so I had no idea what it said. We finally got to my house and I got out. "Bye, Dave. And think about what I said, Ok?" "I will. Can I call Bruce later on?" "No, I don't think that's a good idea. We both think you boys should be separated for a while and let you think about the sins you've committed. Bruce can call you or tell you at school when you can get back together, all right?" "Yes, Mam", I said, as I hung my head and shut the door. I walked to my door, wondering what I could tell my parents. Also, I was scared to death what Bruce was going through. I remembered our spanking together, and he didn't even cry for a long time. And he never yelled out, like I had and he had done earlier tonight. He had yelled from about the start. It sounded like he was getting it lots harder than we had in the barn, and that had been bad enough. Plenty bad. I was really scared. His Dad was really strong, and if he was mad enough, he could really do a lot of damage. The door was locked, so I had to knock on the door until someone came to let me in. I never took a key when I knew I was going to spend the night with Bruce. Why would I? Fred was still up and let me in. "Why did you come home?" "Bruce and I got into a fight over something stupid, and they sent me home." Fred just smirked. "Hey, shit happens, you know?" Lots of help he was. I knew he wasn't interested in helping me with my problems. And if I could talk to anyone, it would be him, after what he had done to me. But I knew he wasn't interested in my problems. He was interested in Fred. My parents were already in bed, so I just softly walked to my room and decided to tell them tomorrow morning. I had lost my other family. I was banished from their life. And from Bruce's life. All for the sin of loving their son. And now God hated Bruce and I, too. I ran into my room, stripped quickly, and fell into bed with new tears streaming down my face. I was really scared for Bruce. But, I was human. I was more scared for myself. I'm still ashamed about that today. I have Bruce's diary. Here's his words about what happened. 4/16 Well, I said I was going to tell my parents, but I never thought they would react like this. When we told them how we felt about each other, they fucking flipped! They even said that there was no way in Hell that they would let a faggot live in their house. I don't know what is going on, it's like they are different people. I never knew my father to be a violent person, but he just kept hitting me, over and over. He said he would stop if I told him I wasn't gay! I could never do that to Dave, though. He is the only one in the world that matters to me now. I can face anything as long as he is here. Oh dammit, why can't my parents love me like they used to? I'm still the same person, nothing has changed. But now they don't love me! Why? ************************************** I didn't hear from Bruce at all on Sunday. I couldn't call him. At least I could talk to him on Monday. Monday finally arrived. That was one of the few times in my life where I was glad the weekend was over and I could get on the school bus. The bus stopped at Bruce's house and Bruce started to get on, but I heard Mitch say, "Out of my way, fag boy," and pushed him to the side. Mitch got on first, followed by Bruce. I had saved Bruce a seat next to me where we usually sat, a little over half way back. Mitch stopped in front of me and said, "Hi Dave," in a high pitched girl's voice and flopped his wrist straight down. I just stared at him with my mouth open. Oh shit! He knows!! Bruce saw him and just hung his head as he sat down beside me. "Hi." "Hi Bruce. Oh shit! Your parents told Mitch?" I whispered. "He overheard one of the many lectures I've gotten this weekend. He knows, all right, and I think he's going to tell everyone." "Oh no! What are we going to do?" "I don't know about you, but I'm going to admit it. I've been tired of lying about it anyway. If they find out, they find out." "Bruce, you can't. We could be in lots of trouble." He finally looked up at me. "You love me, right?" he whispered. "You know I do." "Well, it might be bad for a few days, but I'm not going to let anybody change the way I feel. It's not like I have some disease. It's just I love a boy and not a girl. I'm still the same person I was on Friday, when everyone liked me. They may be shocked at first, but they'll like me again, and then it will be all over." "Bruce, I'm scared. We might even get beaten up. I heard you and your father as I was leaving on Saturday." "Yeah. That was the worst he has ever beaten me. And he did it again on Sunday night. He said I would get the same thing every night until I said I wasn't gay." "No! That's awful. Surely we can tell someone and make him stop." "Who would we tell? He's best friends with the sherif. My teachers wouldn't do anything. We can't tell your parents, right?" "No, I sure don't want to tell them." "See. I guess I just have to take it. Maybe he will see that I'm not going to lie to him or change my mind and stop soon. I mean, it's not like I chose to be gay, and I can just take it back. I was born this way. God made me this way. I tried to tell my parents that, and they think it is the Devil inside me talking, not me. I just can't make them understand." "Oh God! We are in so much trouble." "I know. Just be strong. We can get through this." "I don't know, Bruce. I'm really scared and I just think things are going to get worse." And they did. Nothing happened until lunch. We were sitting at a table with our usual friends, when Eric's brother walked up. "Hey Eric, since when did you get all friendly with two fags?" "Huh? What are you taking about?" "You haven't heard? Bruce and Dave are lovers. They came out to Bruce's parents. They haven't been fucking your butt too, have they?" "No, and you don't know what you are talking about. You're just lying." "Really? Ask them. Bruce's brother told me." Everyone looked at Bruce and I. Bruce looked very calm. I was scared to death. "What I do in my private life is nobody's business," he said. "Well, you and Eric did sleep together a whole lot of times, right? Is my little brother a fag, too?" "Eric and I never did anything more than share the same bed, ass hole! Leave me alone, Ok?" Bruce answered. Eric blushed, and I wondered if that was true. "Get out of here. Leave us along, will you?" he said to his older brother. "Fine. If you want to hang out with fags, go ahead. I just thought I would tell you before someone else does. And wait till I tell Dad. I've always thought you were a fag too, and I think this just proves it," he said, as he stalked off. "Bruce, it isn't true, is it?" Eric asked. "I'm not a fag, Eric. I am gay, though." "Shit, Bruce. I can't believe it. We slept together so many times, I can't count them. We never did anything together except jerk off a few times, and we sure as Hell didn't do each other. And I've done that with a bunch of people. And they're all straight. I can't believe it!" "Look Eric, I just don't like girls, Ok? What's the big deal? Yeah, we slept together a bunch of times. And no, I didn't attack you. I wouldn't ever do anything with someone I didn't love." Oh shit! Now everyone was looking at me! "So, you're a fag, too?" Eric asked. "No. Bruce and I are just best friends," I lied. I looked at Bruce and could see the hurt in his eyes, but I just couldn't come out and say it. I couldn't! "Well, all I know is I've lost my appetite. My ex-best friend is a fag. I can't believe it. I need to get out of here," Eric said as he got up from the table. Jeff got up and left with him, giving us both the cold shoulder. So much for friends. "Thanks a lot, Dave," Bruce said. "I'm sorry. I just couldn't tell them the truth." Bruce didn't say anything for a long time. "I thought you loved me. I thought we would fight our way through this together." "Bruce, I'm sorry. I'm just so scared." Again, he didn't say anything for a while. He finally said, "Well, you can lie if you want. I'm not. I'm finished. I'm going outside. You can come with me if you want to." He got up and took his tray to the trash area and I did the same. I was ashamed of myself for what I had done, but I just couldn't help it. I was scared to death. I felt like I had let Bruce down, but it was like someone else was controlling my brain. "Bruce, I'm sorry," I said, as I raced to catch up to him in the hallway. He whirled around and faced me. "That's Ok. If you don't have the courage to face this, I'll do it by myself." He whirled back around, leaving me staring at him with my mouth open, as he walked out the door. I was dumb struck. He was right. I had to help him. I loved him, and I just couldn't abandon him when he needed me the most. I stood there for a long time, getting my courage together. I would admit it too. At least there would be two of us. We would be stronger together than apart. I could do this. I could! I got a confident look on my face and followed Bruce out the door. I sure wasn't expecting what I found. Bruce was in the middle of a bunch of boys, who were pushing him back and forth in a circle around him. I could hear people yelling "I want to be first for him to suck my dick!" "No, me." He was trying to fight back, but there were too many of them. I stood there frozen. I have done many things in my life that I wish I could go back and change. This was one of them. I walked back inside the door. To be continued. Comments are always appreciated. They can be sent to stan992001@hotmail.com. Visit our web site.