Date: Mon, 01 May 2000 19:32:13 EDT From: William Watts Subject: You Pass This Way But Once - chapter 17 Legal Notice: The following story contains descriptions of graphic sexual acts. The story is a work of fiction and has no basis in reality. Don't read this story if: **You're not 18 or over, **If it is illegal to read this type of material where you live, **Or if you don't want to read about gay/bi people in love or having sex. The author retains copyright to this story. Placing this story on a website or reproducing this story for distribution without the author's permission is a violation of that copyright. Legal action will be taken against violators. If you have enjoyed reading this story, you will find other stories by me at http://www.teenboyauthors.org/thewolf/, in the 'Other Stories' section. E-mail responses to the stories, story suggestions or other 'constructive' comments or advice may be sent to: bwstories44@hotmail.com * * * * * * * * You Pass This Way But Once - by BW Copyright 2000 by bwstories44 Chapter 17 - Caught between the devil and the deep blue sea. March 2000 The next day in school was a lot better but I still didn't let anything rile me. I stopped by to see the coach before the end of the day and I told him that Seth and I were through with football for the season. He said that he was sorry to hear it but that he understood. He told me that he hoped we would decide to come out again next year and see if things had improved. I thanked him for all of his kindness and understanding throughout our problems and I told him that, if we were still going to this school next year, we would probably try out again. Later that evening I called Robbie to ask him if he wanted to join us when we went to pick up Seth. "Robbie, it's Logan. Dad is going to drive me up to Timmy's house on Saturday and I wondered if you wanted to go with us." There was an extended silence before he responded. "Well I have football practice on Saturday." "I know but we won't be leaving until around noon. You'll be done with football by then. What do you say?" "Logan, I don't want to hurt your feelings but I'm not sure I want to be seen with you or Seth right now. I love you both and I'd love to see Timmy again but I couldn't put up with the things that are happening to you two. I feel like a rat but I'm just not that strong." "Believe me Robbie you're not a rat and I do understand. What if we were able to hide you in the back seat until we got out of town? Would that change your mind?" There was another brief silence. "Yeah, I think it would. Do you really think you could hide me like that?" "Yes, that will be the easy part. Where would you like us to meet you when we pick you up? Do you want us to come by your house or do you have somewhere else for us to meet?" "Yes, I do have someplace else to meet. I have an uncle who lives a couple of blocks from the school, on the way out of town toward Timmy's. I'll talk to my parents to see if I can go and then I'll call my uncle to make sure that's all right for me to meet you over there. I'm sure it will be. I'll call you back and let you know for sure. Logan thanks for caring and understanding. I don't think I would have been so thoughtful if I had been if your position." "Robbie, you're our friend and we love you. If anyone understands your fears and concerns it would be us. I can't fault you for thinking the way you did because we might have done the same thing. I'll fill you in Saturday about why we're going to Timmy's. I'll see you then. Bye." I was happy to know that Robbie was going to go with us. Because of all of the problems that Seth and I had been having, we hadn't seen Robbie since we returned from camp. It would be nice to have him along and I'm certain the Timmy would be glad to see him too. I was still concerned about Seth, however, and I wanted to talk to my parents some more and see if we could decide on an acceptable way out of this dilemma. I think that it is imperative, now, that Seth and I change high schools but we wouldn't be able to do that without Seth's parents' approval. Unfortunately, I didn't see any way that might happen. Saturday came and we went over to pick Robbie up at his uncle's. Dad backed into the driveway and I reached back and opened the rear door. Robbie came out through the garage, jumped into the car and crouched down behind the front seat. I had placed a blanket in the back before we left our house and I threw it over Robbie to keep him hidden. I was beginning to feel like we were starring in some old B- movie where we were transporting an underworld stool pigeon out of town. All of this cloak and dagger activity might have been funny if it wasn't for the reality of why we were really doing this. Once we were out of town Robbie resurfaced and I told him about Seth and all that had happened. Robbie had heard about some of it but he didn't realize that Seth's father had also turned on him. Robbie said that he had been thinking of telling his own parents but now he was going to reconsider that decision. He never thought that parents would turn on their children like that. How could a parent love a child so much and then treat him like that? Why would they even have children if they weren't prepared to accept them for who and what they were? I guess the parents were only thinking about the pleasures of the sex when they conceived and they never considered the responsibilities of parenting. When we arrived at Timmy's, he rushed out to great us. He said hello to Robbie and my dad and then he pulled me aside to talk. "Logan, Seth wouldn't let me do anything for him. He's been acting really strange and he's been staying away from the rest of us. He's been alone in the guest room almost constantly since we talked to you on the phone." "He probably just needed some time alone to think." "Yeah but I'm afraid to consider what he might have been thinking about. He wasn't acting that strangely when he first arrived, at least we didn't think so. He was upset and agitated but we thought that was because of all the things that he'd been through. He started talking about how his father hated him now and how he couldn't go back to that school. He kept talking about those things more and more and I couldn't distract him. I tried to get close to him and show him some affection but he pushed me away and told me that no one needed his form of perverted love. He's beginning to scare me Logan and I'm glad you're here." "Why don't you take me up to see him and I'll see what I can do?" I followed Timmy into his house, said hello to his parents and then I excused myself to go up and see Seth. He was lying on his stomach on the bed with his head buried in the pillow. I walked in and sat on the bed beside him. He didn't move. I started stroking his back as I spoke to him. "Hey, are you ready to go back to my place?" He didn't answer. "Seth, what's wrong? I'm here for you man, please talk to me." He still didn't move or say anything. "Seth, look at me. It's me Logan. Tell me what's wrong. I want to help you." There was a slight movement on the bed as he rolled his head to look at me. I couldn't believe the sad look that was etched on his face. I had never seen Seth look so lost or so forlorn. "What's wrong with me, Logan? Why does everyone hate me so? The kids at school hate me. Strangers hate me. Even my own father hates me. What the hell is wrong with me?" "It's not you Seth, it's them. Some people hate things they can't understand and many people can't understand homosexuality. It not you personally, it's people like you, Robbie, Timmy and me. They can't understand why we are the way we are. Hell, we don't even understand it. We've only learned to accept it. Nobody knows for sure what makes people gay. Most people want to believe that it's a choice but I don't buy that explanation. I didn't make any choice to be gay and neither did you, Robbie or Timmy. We've just known that we were different and we've kept it hidden until we found others like us, others we could trust with our secret. I'm convinced that we were born this way and there's nothing we can do to change it. Seth, there's nothing wrong with you or me. We're just different. We have to accept that fact and other people have to learn to accept it too." Seth looked at me, his eyes sad and pleading. "Logan, I'm not as brave as you are. You have your parents to support you. Timmy and Robbie do to. I have no one. I'm all alone and I can't take any more of this." "Seth, you're not alone. You have me. You have my parents. You have Timmy and Robbie and their parents. You're not alone. You have a lot of people who love you and we will all be there for you whenever you need us. Let's stop thinking about this nonsense that you're alone because you're not. Why don't you come downstairs with me and meet all the people who care so much for you. There is a whole group of them waiting to see you and show you how much they care. Why don't you come with me and say hello to your true friends." Seth rolled over and I grasped his hand and pulled him up from the bed. I didn't stop there. I pulled him into me and gave him a huge hug before I leaned back and planted a kiss on his lips. Seth didn't reciprocate but I did feel his body relax slightly. "I love you Seth and I'll always be here for you. You're my lover and my best friend. I don't want you to ever forget that." I hugged him once more, more tightly than I did the first time because I wanted him to feel the strength and the love that I was trying to infuse into him. I wanted him to feel that he was not alone and not just hear the words. After a few minutes I led him down the stairs to meet his adoring public. He was not ready to let his emotions loose when we arrived in the dining room. He was still refrained, withdrawn and hurt, deeply hurt. These were the types of wounds that would take a long time to heal. They were the scars that only hate and abandonment can leave on the soul and Seth had felt more than his share of those. Now, I wanted him to feel the love and the warmth of that love as it filled the room. Maybe that was what was needed to thaw his heart out of the deep despair that consumed his body and his spirit. After spending some time with Timmy's parents and my dad, the four of us left the house to walk around the neighborhood and talk. The three of us verbalized our thoughts and fears to Seth, filling him in on our deepest secrets so he would know that he wasn't alone. We each expressed how difficult it was to be gay and how we longed that it was different. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could love our boyfriends out in the open? If we could hold hands, kiss and date without the fear of public humiliation or assault. We'd be able to go to the movies and see films that depicted same-sex couples falling in love and enjoying their lives together. These couples would be able to grow old together and lead happy and fulfilled lives. They wouldn't have to hide their love, feel ashamed of what they did or who they were or fear every bigot who couldn't tolerate people who were different from them. Ah, if only that were true. Then, it would, indeed, be 'A Wonderful Life' but not quite yet, Jimmy Stuart. I made Seth stop at a pay phone before we returned to Timmy's house. He made a collect, person-to- person call to his mother. I told him to just let her know that he was not in town but that he was well. That way, if they could trace the call they would discover an out of town pay phone and no connection to anyone in particular. Even if they did connect the town to Timmy's parents, Seth would be long gone before they could follow-up on anything. Seth seemed to be pleased to talk to his mother and I'm sure that she felt better knowing that he was all right. Seth was feeling a little better by the time we arrived back at Timmy's house but I knew he still had many demons to conquer. One little walk around the block and a brief talk with his mother wasn't enough to cure the weeks, months or years of hurt and insecurities that he had kept pent up within him. He was like a pressure cooker under which someone had turned up the fire and we had only relieved enough of that pressure so he didn't explode. The fire was still burning and the pressure would continue to mount. We had to vent some of that pressure, from time to time, to insure his mental stability. If we failed to do our job or if the heat was turned up any more, Seth could reach a point where it would be next to impossible to bring him back from the despair that would swallow him up. Although I didn't want to consider this possibility, I knew that I had to keep the thought in the back of my mind and maintain my vigilance for Seth's well being or the situation could deteriorate faster than we could repair it. Eventually, my dad, Robbie, Seth and I loaded into my father's car after we said good-bye to Timmy and his folks. I had taken them aside, personally, to thank them for helping Seth through this and I told them that we would both be eternally indebted to them. They said that they were glad that they could help and that the looked forward to our returning under more pleasant circumstances. I thanked them again and said that I would keep in touch. I gave Timmy a big hug and, then, I got in the back seat with Seth. I told Robbie that he could sit in the front with my father. I cradled Seth to my chest during the whole ride home, stroking his hair and feeling his warm chest heaving against mine with every pained breath he took. I could feel his body tense up, reflexively, the nearer we got to my house. It was dark when we arrived back home and we dropped Robbie off at his doorstep under the cover of that darkness. He did open the back door to give Seth and I a kiss before he entered his front door, a big risk for him to take but something that he felt he had to do. I thanked him for going with us and asked him to keep in touch. He waved at us, once more, just before he closed the door to his house. When we got to our place, my mom had been holding dinner for us so we sat down and ate. After dinner I took Seth up to my room, undressed him and put him in my bed. After I stripped down to my underwear, I crawled into the bed beside him and wrapped my arms around him. I would spend that entire evening with my lover pulled securely against my chest. I continually kissed his forehead, stroked his hair and let my hand glide up and down his bare back to let him know that I was there for him and that I cared deeply about him. We both fell into a deep slumber, physically and emotionally drained from the past few days, and I awoke Sunday morning with him still clutched tightly in my arms. When Monday came I thought about going to school but I knew that Seth wouldn't be able to and I couldn't leave him alone like this. Dad was planning to speak to one of his friends in the Psychology Department at the University to see if he would come over to meet with Seth and see if he could do anything for him. I already felt better just knowing that we might soon have a professional involved with getting Seth through his funk. I stayed at home with my friend that entire week. The psychologist came over and sat down with Seth and me on Wednesday evening. He thought that it might be better for Seth if I was included in the sessions seeing much of what had happened had concerned both of us. I was happy to help and I felt that this would allow me to see what Seth was experiencing and to learn how he felt about what was going on. Things were going fairly well and Seth seemed to be more like his old self as the week progressed. That was until Friday night. Seth and I were in my room when we heard the doorbell ring. Out of curiosity, I opened my bedroom door a fraction so I could hear who was there. Seth was standing beside me at the time. "What are you doing here?" I heard my father ask. "I just dropped by to see if you or your son have heard anything from Seth." It was Seth's father's voice at the door and we were surprised by his visit. We both held our breath as we listened to the rest of the conversation downstairs. "No, I'm afraid not." "Well, my wife and I are leaving on a trip tomorrow and we were worried that he might try to enter our home while we were gone. If either of you should see him, I would like for you to let him know that we have gone away for a week and that he is not welcomed there until we arrive back. If he would like to speak to us, he can call us when we return." "You know, I thought your feelings must be completely dead the last time you were here but you can't have any heart in that stone cold body of yours if that's as much as you worry about your son. You show no concern for his welfare or his health. You're just worried that he might get into your fucking house while you're gone. What are you afraid of? Are you scared that he might take some of his clothes or grab a bite to eat? You disgust me, sir, and I wish for you to leave my home immediately. If your son does come around we will let him know that he's welcomed here and that he's better off forgetting that he even had a father. Yes, I said had. If he did have a father once he certainly doesn't any longer. This poor pathetic creature whimpering at my front door has no more right to be a father than Jeffrey Dahmer. As badly as I feel for your son, I feel even worse for you because you don't even realize what you've lost or given away. It's sad to think that you have such a wonderful son and you can't even see anything about him, other than his sexuality. It's your loss and I mourn your ignorance in this matter. Now, get off of my property. If you wish to find out anything more about the situation, use the telephone? I don't want to see your sorry ass here again." Seth's father left and my dad slammed the door behind him. I had been watching Seth's face throughout the whole exchange and I could see that faint sparkle that had come back to his eye during the past week quickly die as he listened to the conversation. I had pulled him to me while we listening to my dad lose it with Mr. Eldred. As soon as the door slammed shut, the floodgates burst open and Seth was sobbing heavily onto my shoulder and into my chest. My father had hoped that Seth hadn't heard what happened downstairs but he soon knew better when he opened my door and saw me trying to console Seth. "Seth, you can't let what he said bother you," my father told him. "He's an ignorant man and you can't worry about the things he said down there." "Yeah but he's MY ignorant old man. I don't know why he still hates me so. I'm not even there with him and he still puts his hate for me before anything else. I still love him, even after all those awful things he's said, so why can't he still love me? I'm his only child. He doesn't have any others but he still can't forgive me for being gay. Why not? Am I really that terrible a person that even my own father can't love me?" "No, Seth you're not," my father said comfortingly while caressing Seth in his arms. "Your dad's just as scared and confused as you are and that's just the way he's showing it." "Why would he be scared and confused?" "Seth, he scared because he doesn't understand why you're gay. I think he feels that it's because of something he did or something he failed to do. He's confused about all of this and I believe he's blaming himself for your sexuality. He doesn't know what to do or how to react so he just blows off steam. He'll eventually work all of this out and then you two will get back together." "I don't think so, Mr. Nagorny. He hates my guts now. He doesn't love me any more. Nobody loves me any more." "We love you and we care about what happens to you. We'd be happy to have you as our son, if you want that. You can stay here and live with us for as long as you want or need. You will be part of our family. You will be another one of our sons. Don't think about him, Seth. Eventually he'll come around and realize what he's lost. Sooner or later it will sink through that rock head of his that his son is a very special person and that he's hurting only you and himself with his stubbornness. Give it some time, Seth, and things will work out. You just wait and see." "I wish I could believe that. I really do. I know my dad better than you do and I know that he isn't just acting this way because he's scared or confused. He hates gays. He always has and he always will. That's why he hates me, now. I wish it was different or that I could change things but neither of those things will ever happen. I've just got to accept the fact that I no longer have a father or a family. I appreciate your offer but it's just not the same. A kid needs his own family. I'm glad that you, your wife and Logan feel that way about me but it's just not the same thing as having your own parents love you or want you. Mine don't any more and I've just got to get past that. It's something that I have to do on my own, for myself." "If you change your mind we'll still be here for you." My dad left the room and I watched what Seth was going to do next to get my cue for how to react to him. He went over and plopped down on my bed, just staring up at the ceiling. I gave him his space and left him alone. I just sat there at my computer terminal and glanced over at him occasionally to make sure that he was OK. About an hour later he stood up and began to remove his outer clothing. I turned off my computer and did the same. I crawled into the bed beside him, gave him a loving, passionate kiss and embraced him. "I love you Seth, sweet dreams," I told him as I pulled him to me and we fell asleep. * * * * * * * * If you have enjoyed reading this story, you will find other stories by me at http://www.teenboyauthors.org/thewolf/, in the 'Other Stories' section. E-mails may be sent to: bwstories44@hotmail.com.