Date: Sat, 06 May 2000 22:43:09 EDT From: William Watts Subject: You Pass This Way But Once - Chapter 20 Legal Notice: The following story contains descriptions of graphic sexual acts. The story is a work of fiction and has no basis in reality. Don't read this story if: **You're not 18 or over, **If it is illegal to read this type of material where you live, **Or if you don't want to read about gay/bi people in love or having sex. The author retains copyright to this story. Placing this story on a website or reproducing this story for distribution without the author's permission is a violation of that copyright. Legal action will be taken against violators. If you have enjoyed reading this story, you will find other stories by me at http://www.teenboyauthors.org/thewolf/, in the 'Other Stories' section. E-mail responses to the stories, story suggestions or other 'constructive' comments or advice may be sent to: bwstories44@hotmail.com * * * * * * * * You Pass This Way But Once - by BW Copyright 2000 by bwstories44 Chapter 20 - A new beginning. March 2000 The next morning, we awoke and checked on Seth to see if there were any improvements. Mr. Eldred and I talked for a while before he left the hospital to go home to clean up, change his clothes and get a bite to eat. Shortly after he had departed, my parents returned with more of my clothing and a take out breakfast from my favorite diner. I ate first and then I went in and showered and changed. The warm water felt great as it ran over my body, relieving the pain from my stiff muscles and draining the tension from my body, if only for a brief time. I was hesitant to get out of this wonderfully relaxing experience when I concluded that I needed to go back to Seth and let him know that I was still there for him. Just as I was coming back out of the bathroom, Robbie and Tom were coming into the room for a visit. My mom and dad collected my things and said good-bye so I could talk with my friends in private and fill them in on all that had happened. We all said farewell to my folks and we watched them as they left the room and headed down the hallway. Once they were gone, Tom spoke up. "Logan, I'm sorry that I haven't been here before. I heard about Seth on Friday at school but I wasn't sure if he could receive or wanted to receive visitors. When Robbie called last night and asked me if I wanted to go with him today, I was happy to accept and come here to see you both. It wasn't that I didn't care because I do. Is he any better?" "The doctor says he's doing very well but he doesn't understand why Seth hasn't come to yet. He says that he can find no medical reason for him to still be unconscious." "If there's nothing medically wrong than things should be fine," Tom said. "Maybe he will snap out of it soon. We will all just have to keep hoping and praying for the best. I know that things will work out for Seth. I can just feel it. I don't know how but I feel that Seth will be all right and we will soon be joking around with him again. My mom often tells me that we have to trust in God at times like this. She says that God knows what is best for us and that he will take care of us, if we let him." I thought about what Tom had said and I knew that he was right. It's just that it sometimes hard to put your faith in someone you can't see and the feeling of helplessness you get from not being able to do anything yourself. Teenagers often feel helpless and uncertain as it is, I guess that it just comes with the age, but times like these can magnify the reality of the situation and make you feel even less in control than usual. It's hard when you have to spend most of your life relying on your parents, your teachers, other relatives and, now, God for everything. Maybe we wouldn't feel so hopeless or so alone if we had a little more control over our own lives. I talked some more with Robbie and Tom before Jeff and Keith showed up for another visit. They came in and joined us and the five of us sat there talking to each other and to Seth. We each took turns going over to the bed and carrying on a private dialogue with Seth as he continued lying there, motionless. I think that we all hoped that something we said to Seth might bring him around and cause him to wake up from his deep sleep. The four of them stayed with me for a long time, two or three hours at least, and we continued to talk about other many things besides the current situation. Mr. Eldred had returned during their visit so I introduced him to the boys that he didn't know. There was a lull in our conversation and we thought we heard a noise coming from Seth's bed. We walked over there and stood around him when we saw Seth's eyes flicker a few times before they opened completely. I guess that he'd been trying to speak and, now, he forced out a few words in a hoarse whisper, "Where am I?" We all got excited, started shouting and touching Seth before I ran out to the nurses' station and told them that Seth was awake. Two of the nurses went with me back to Seth's room while a third nurse paged the doctor. The first nurse ran out and got Seth some ice chips to moisten his mouth while the second nurse checked his blood pressure, heart rate and temperature before the doctor arrived. Everyone had a huge smiles plastered across their faces as they doctor arrived and began to perform his own set of tests on our friend. Finally, he told us that everything seemed fine and we could visit with Seth for a while before he wanted him to rest some more. The doctor said that he would run a series of tests on Seth tomorrow to try to determine if there would be any lingering problems from the mishap. We thanked him again as he left the room and then we all started buzzing around our buddy. Jeff, Keith, Robbie and Tom all told Seth how sorry they were for how they had acted and they informed him that they wanted him to know that they would be there for him from here on out. After visiting with him for a few more minutes, the quartet decided to leave and I walked them out so Seth and his father could enjoy some time alone. I knew that they had a great deal of making up to do and that they needed to do it alone. I intentionally stayed away from the room for many minutes. By the time I returned to Seth's room, both of them were crying and hugging each other and their faces were covered with a peaceful expression from having reconciled their differences. They summoned me into the room to join them and then Seth asked his father if he could speak with me alone. His dad agreed and he left the room, giving us some privacy. Seth reached out and hugged me, holding me tightly for several minutes before he let go. "I know what you did for me and how you've been here the whole time. I don't know if it was a dream or if it really happened but I even remember you telling me to keep fighting and not to give up. I could hear you telling me that you loved me and that you needed me and that made me feel guilty because I had only thought of myself when I did this and I never considered your feelings at all. I need to know something, Logan. Was what I heard all a dream or did you really say those things to me?" "That was me that you heard, Seth. I sat beside your bed and kept telling you all of the things that I wanted you to know. I kept telling you how much I loved you and how much I needed you. I told you that you had to come back to me because I didn't think I could live without you. I meant it all, Seth. I wasn't lying. I don't know if I could have survived if you didn't. You mean far to much to me and I don't think I could have lived with only half of a heart and half of a soul." Tears were gliding down my cheeks as I spoke to him as the realization set in that I could have indeed lost him. I didn't want to upset him but I just couldn't control my emotions at this point. "Well, it's all right now and we won't worry about that any longer. The doctor says that I'm fine, now, and we're going to be fine, too. My dad's told me that he's willing to accept us as we are and that he'd be proud if you were my boyfriend." He kissed me after he said that. "We've learned that we have some good friends and they said that they'd stick by us and protect us in the future. What more could we want? Things are looking up for us and we're going to be all right. The only thing I regret is that I that I put you through all of this and that I made you suffer so much." "Shhhh. Don't say any more," I told him. "That's behind us now and we have to look toward the future. Now we need to consider if we're going back to our old high school or if we want to transfer. We have to think about what sports we want to play and who's coming to whose house at Christmas." "I love you, Logan, and I'll do whatever you want to do. My dad said that you saved my life by doing CPR on me. In many cultures they say that if someone saves your life, that life becomes theirs from that time forward. My life belongs to you now, Logan. Choose wisely for both of us and I will do whatever you wish. I guess this means that you're stuck with me from here on out, if you like it or not." "Like it, I love it but you've got things a little confused. We will do what we decide to do and nothing more. It works both ways, Seth. My life is just as much yours as your life is mine. Everything we do and everything that we decide will be done jointly. There will be no unilateral decisions made for us. We are full and equal partners in this. I want us to always be together and happy, Seth. We're a team. It's just you and me against the world." "It will be like that always and I promise you that I won't do anything that utterly stupid again." The tests that the hospital ran showed that there was nothing seriously wrong with Seth now and they indicated that there would probably not be any long lasting effects from his suicide attempt. Seth did have to spend a few more days in the hospital before he was discharged and we held a big welcome home party for him at his house when he was released. We invited all the people who had shown up at the hospital and who had supported us through this whole ordeal. Seth was very pleased, though slightly embarrassed by the attention. After the party, Seth and I discussed our future. "Logan, I think that we should go back to our old high school. What do you think?" "I think that you're right. We've got a lot more support there, now, and I think we can deal with any of the remaining bigots who might try to hassle us." "Logan, I think that we should thank you father for his advice." I gave him a puzzled look. "What advice would that be?" "You know. That thing your dad always tells us, you pass this way but once. I did a great deal of thinking while I was lying in the hospital and I realized that he was right. Most of those choices we made were good and we benefited from making them. Sure, some of them didn't turn out so well but you can't expect everything to work out for the best. I was thinking about the decisions that we made and even the choices that some of our friends made along the way and I concluded that we wouldn't be together or this close if we hadn't made those decisions. I know it was rough at times but I wouldn't want to go back and change anything we did, well except for my dumb decision." "What about your dad and the way he treated you?" "Logan, I would have faced that problem regardless of what decisions I made along the way. That was something that was bound to happen, the only question would have been when it was going to happen. Our being outed before we were ready probably sped up the confrontation with my dad but I would have gone through that confrontation eventually, no matter what else happened." He hesitated and stared at me for a minute. "Don't you agree with me? Don't you think that we should have made those decisions when we did?" "Yes, I do. We did what we had to do and because of it we found each other and Timmy and Robbie, too. I'll never regret those decisions or all of those good times we enjoyed along the way. I know there were some bad times but I think I can learn to forget about them." "There's another thing to consider as well, Logan. If this didn't happen when it did, my father may have never run into those guys in Miami. Well, he might have run into them but he would never have approached them, talked to them and, then, come to the conclusions that he did. Even though I almost killed myself along the way, our disagreement might have been the catalyst that was needed to get my dad to understand who and what I am." "Yeah, you're right. I never even considered that. If this had happened at a different time he may have stuck to his guns and you two would still be feuding. I guess that we just have to make those decisions as they come and not try to second-guess ourselves later. Hindsight is always easier than foresight because you have a lot more information on which to base your decision. If only life worked that way." We went back to school and things did improve. We still found a few notes in our books or on our lockers but there were few of them and there were more and more people around the school who were ready to confront and enlighten the students that they caught doing such things. We had a very reliable support group that continued to grow with us. For some time after we got back to school, I noticed this one boy always hanging around where we were. He was a good looking kid, about 5'7", curly brown hair and he had a runner's build. He was always looking in our direction and I assumed that he was just checking out the gay boys. I wasn't sure if he was there to criticize us or to offer support but I didn't let it bother me. One day during lunch Seth and I were outside, sitting on the grass, when he approached us. "Hi. I know you don't know me but I'm Sean O'Leary. I only started school here, at this school, this past September. I would like to talk with you but you have to promise me that you won't tell anyone else what I'm about to tell you." We were confused but we both agreed. "I heard about what happened with you guys and I knew that I had to talk to you. It's taken me some time to get up the courage but here it goes." He looked directly at Seth as he began. "I know how you felt when you tried to kill yourself. I tried to do the same thing to myself." I think we both had shocked expressions on our face and Sean hesitated. "Please continue," I told him. "We didn't mean to be rude but we were totally shocked by what you said." "I know and I'm embarrassed about it now. It happened last year at my old school. That's why I came here this fall. You see, I'm gay too and I was being treated really badly at my old school. It seemed like every day that some macho straight guy just thought he had to beat the fairy up. I was always sore and bruised and the more I tried to defend myself, the worse the beatings got. They would spit on me, kick me, call me names and rip my clothes off of me. Once, they stripped me naked and I had to walk home, several blocks, with only my books to cover me. I hid out in some bushes until it was dark but, still, several people saw me that way and all they did was to start laughing about it. No one even offered to help me or give me a jacket or anything to cover myself with. "It finally got to be too much for me and I snuck back home from school one day and swallowed a whole bunch of pills. I just took all the bottles I could find out of the medicine cabinet and took all of the pills that were in them. I washed all the pills down with glass after glass of water. I wanted to die and I didn't want to have to put up with all that abuse any more. It just happened that my grandfather came over to our house to borrow one of my dad's tools from the basement. He heard water running when he came in and he found me on the bathroom floor. I guess that I passed out from the effects of the pills before I could turn the water off in the sink. Well, my grandfather called the paramedics and they took me to the hospital where they pumped my stomach out. First, they put all of this granulated charcoal stuff into my stomach to absorb the drugs and then they put this tube down my throat and pumped the whole mess out of me. It was really pretty gross. As you can see, I survived and I was forced to go to counseling three times a week. "That was actually the best thing that could have happened, though. It was there that I learned how to deal with being gay and how to cope with the kids who hated me because of that. I never went back to my old school but I heard that a whole bunch of the boys who used to beat me up got expelled for a while. Any ways, the shrink thought that it would be good for me to change schools and to get a fresh start. I did everything I could to make sure no one at this school learned that I was gay. Then I started hearing stories about what people were doing to you two and I was totally frightened that it would happen, all over, to me again. I considered talking to you guys back then but I was afraid that being seen with you would blow my cover. I waited too long before I acted and the same things happened to you. I wish that I had the courage to tell you about me back then and then, maybe, you wouldn't have tried to kill yourself." He said that last statement looking at Seth and then he hesitated longer to give us time to think about what he had just said. "My shrink told me that gay teens are the most likely group to try and kill themselves. He said that the suicide rate among gay teens is higher than any other group. We can't let this happen any more. We've got to let other kids who are facing the same types of problems the we did know that killing yourself is not the way to go. There are other options and they have to learn to recognize and select those choices before they go to extremes. I'm going to start a website to try to get the word out and I'd like for you two to help me with it. I'd also like for us to become friends and get to know each other better. What do you say? Will you do this for me?" Neither, Seth nor I hesitated. We agreed instantly and we soon found ourselves spending a great deal of time with our new friend. He was a year older than us but we became really close to him and he became a part of our group. Robbie got to know him a lot better, as well, and we all helped him launched his new website. We began to feel like we were actually helping other teens to cope with problems similar to the ones we had been facing. It gave us a great deal of pride and a sense of accomplishment to know that possibly some other boy or girl wouldn't have to be put through what we were and that we might be giving someone else a ray of hope. The year began to move by quickly. Seth and I went out for the wrestling squad in November and Timmy came and stayed with us at Christmas. We invited Sean to join us and the five of us stayed at my house and we had a great time together, just like before but with a new friend. The feelings of guilt that Seth had fought with during those dark days had now completely vanished and we enjoyed some fantastic times during the holidays relearning all of the pleasures of being with each other. We went to Timmy's house over spring break and we renewed our friendships with Timmy's other friends. Timmy had invited Sean to join us then, as well. It took Seth's parents and mine several trips to Sean's house to convince his parents that he would be fine and that this would be good for him. After much coaxing and cajoling, Sean's parents finally agreed and he joined us on our little excursion. Life was looking better to us all of the time. Seth's family and mine started doing a lot more things together, as well. Our parents became close with each other during that time, even if they had started doing this just for us. The four of us went back to camp that summer and then the seven of us (yes, Sean tried out as a receiver) went out for the junior varsity football team the next fall. The coach said that he was glad to have Seth and me back and he promised that things would be better this year. Once again, our lives were back to normal and we were enjoying being in school again. We've learned a great deal over the past few years and with the wisdom that we've acquired during that time I'd like to share a small piece of advice with you. 'You pass this way but once.' Don't be afraid to make those difficult decisions in life. Think them out carefully and then accept the pleasures or the pain that results from them. Don't second-guess yourself and don't regret the choices that you've made. The only regrets you should ever have are those that are caused by inaction. That means the results that come about because you couldn't or wouldn't decide for yourself at the time a situation arose. Follow your heart and use your mind. Choose for yourself and don't let others or fate make those decisions for you. * * * * * * * * If you have enjoyed reading this story, you will find other stories by me at http://www.teenboyauthors.org/thewolf/, in the 'Other Stories' section. E-mails may be sent to: bwstories44@hotmail.com.