I wanted so much to lie down here with John, to find myself stretched out in languid ecstasy on this strangers' bed, my clothes peeled off and thrown aside by John's hungry hands, my mouth bathing in an interminable shower of his kisses. At the same time I was afraid his friend would return home to catch us in this wild state of fervent ecstasy, yet this fear charged me erotically, tempting me. I was too nervous though to ask for this with words and I attempted to express it through the nuances of my eyes, but it was a message that escaped him. Shortly afterwards we left the house.
That same night we enjoyed dinner together and all along I kept in my thoughts how I had wanted to be taken by him, a failed fantasy. It wasn't until he returned to the city for another visit with me that desires like mine became evident in him again. Urgent, he took me to a place off the highway where only a small building shielded us from the view of passing traffic. Here I discovered solid arousal, hindered by nothing, magnified by fear. I looked around anxiously, expecting to be found, arrested for lewd vagrancy. Instead, we were alone, my clothes loosened enough to manipulate each part of me that could partake in this heated moment. The whole event hidden from sight as the steam saturated each of the car's windows. His one hand touched part of me at times but for the most part focused on his own body. From my side I watched with a fixation, paralyzed by the sight.
I remember the sexual odour that came from him and that stirred me. With each longing breath I consumed his desire entirely, almost suffocated by its overwhelming strength. Hardened by it's potency my penis fell into ecstasy as the rest of my body fell victim to this sexual contagion. In the end it was me who was consumed entirely, both by a sexual force that left me drained, and by the realization that some as yet unknown sexual being had finally surfaced from within me. My confusion soon replaced my excitement as this new part of me had been discovered. And quite suddenly, I didn't know myself anymore.
John's visits became further apart after this night. The telephone calls disappeared too. He had taken a renewed interest in a former love, and I had reeled back in fear of what he had released in me.