Date: Tue, 5 Aug 2003 01:32:32 -0400 From: Geek 999 Subject: Writing Lessons 2 Writing Lesson 2 by Ernie (geek999@earthlink.net) My previous article, "Writing Lesson" was well received for the most part. After it appeared in the Nifty Archive I started receiving emails from a number of people, most of which agreed with the things I said. Some of these emails encouraged me to write a second article, so here it is. English is a wonderful language -- wonderfully eccentric and chaotic. If your native language is English, chances are that you do _not_ agree with this assessment, but that's only because you're so used to its lack of logic that you've never realized how bad things are. (*) In this article I present common expressions often used wrong, and pairs (or groups) of words that, although pronounced the same way, have different meanings. No doubt there are many more such cases, but I can't possibly list them all. Among the many emails I received, one stood out by presenting an analogy that struck me as very clever. The writer stated that a mispelled word was like a ripple on the carpet: it doesn't prevent you from walking, but it can trip you when you least expect it -- and make you fall. Finally, two warnings. First, throughout this text I adopted the British custom of placing periods and commas _outside_ quotation marks because it makes more sense than putting the periods or commas inside the quotes. Second (and to prevent complaining emails), I use the masculine pronoun "he" throughout instead of the clumsy "he or she", "(s)he", etc. Hey, I know it's male chauvinistic, but it's not my fault that English has no gender-unspecific pronoun! Now let's get down to business. * alright This word is neither correct nor incorrect. According to Webster's Collegiate Dictionary, it is an acceptable alternative spelling for "all right". The fact that "alright" appeared _after_ "all right", however, suggests that it is perhaps the result of a misspelling that has gone uncorrected and adopted by people out of sheer habit. All things being equal, "all right" is the better term, and probably should be preferred. * blond/blonde Both words are correct according to the dictionary. However, I prefer to use "blond" when describing a man, and "blonde" otherwise. The reason for this preference is that the word comes from French, in which the final "e" indicates feminine gender. * could care less This expression is plain wrong: it should be "couldn't care less" since the intended meaning is that it would be impossible for a person to care less than he does -- that is, the fact that he doesn't care at all. To realize the difference, change the word "care" to "be". Now say "it could be less expensive". What does that mean? Literally, that it has some monetary value but it could be cheaper. For example, if it costs $10, "it could be less expensive" means that it could cost $9 or any number less than $10. On the other hand, "it couldn't be less expensive" means that there is no way its price could be reduced, particularly if it is already $0 (nothing). * could of Some writers mistakenly use "of" when they mean "have" in expressions such as "I could of done it". "Of" has no business being in such expressions; it should be "have" or "'ve", as in "I could've done it". * cuz/gonna/gotta/ain't/wanna Little children are prone to saying "cuz" instead of "because" simply because they don't know better. It's perfectly all right to write "cuz" when quoting a small child, but otherwise you should use "because" whenever possible. For example, 'The kid answered, "He talked to me cuz he was lonely" because I asked him'. "Cuz" is a word uttered by the kid, while "because" (being outside the quotation marks) is part of the story proper. Likewise, the popular "gonna", "gotta", "ain't", "wanna" and many others ("hafta", for example), are okay while quoting words said by one of the characters of the story, but you should refrain from writing your whole story that way. Also, you should remember that the final "a" in "gonna", "gotta" and "wanna" is equivalent to "to", not "a". That is to say: gonna = going to gotta = got to wanna = want to Therefore, an expression such as "I wanna new car" is wrong, since the meaning is "I want to new car", which is truly meaningless. * different than According to my dictionary, "different than" has been in use since the 17th century, yet it is still considered inferior to "different from", which is universally accepted as correct. Generally speaking, "than" is used when a comparison is made with "more", "less", "better", or "worse". * gob/glob These two words mean slightly different things, but they end up being interchangeable when the matter referred to is a viscous liquid such as semen. (This outcome surprised me because I could have sworn that one of these words was invalid. Looking them up in the dictionary surprised me even more when I discovered that their meanings are virtually identical.) * he's/his "He's" means "he is" or "he has". If you are in doubt whether to use "he's" or "his", see if the sentence keeps its meaning when you change it to "he is" or "he has". If the meaning remains the same, use "he's"; if the meaning is lost or changes, use "his". * it's/its "It's" means "it is" or "it has". If this is what you mean, then use the apostrophe. If not, please remove it. See the entry for "he's/his". * kewl Slang words come and go, and what is "in" today might be "out" next year. For that reason it's better to not use them if at all possible. Of course this also applies to the interjection "Cool!" (meaning "that's great!"). But I find it extremely hard to justify the alternate spelling "kewl" which seems to be all the rage these days. It's not in the dictionary. And the "ew" diphthong would make its pronunciaton "kee-OOL" ("kyool"), which is not the same as "cool". And no one says "kee-OOL" ever, no matter how illiterate. "Kewl" is totally uncool. * lie/lay/laid/lain "Lie" and "lay" are confused very often, and English makes matters worse by making the past tense of "lie" (which is "lay") equal to the present tense of the other (also "lay"). Small wonder so many people get them mixed up! "Lie" (lie, lay, lain, lying) is an _intransitive_ verb meaning "to be in a horizontal position", as in "I lie down on the bed". "Lay" (lay, laid, laid, laying), on the other hand, means "to put down". It's a _transitive_ verb, which means that it must have a direct object. In other words, you don't just lay, but you lay _something_ or someone. For example, "I laid the book on the table". * lose/loose Both words are pronounced the same, but they are unrelated. "Lose" (a verb) is the opposite of "find", while "loose" (an adjective) is that of "tight". As such, you don't "loose a friend", but you _lose_ one. * meet/meat Although the pronunciation is identical, the meanings are different. "Meet" (a verb) means "to get together with" or "to get to know", as in "Pleased to meet you". "Meat" (noun) is something one eats. It's commonly used, in erotic stories, instead of "penis". * peak/peek "Peak" is the top of a mountain. "Peek" is a quick glance made in such a way that no one notices it. * sac/sack "Sack" describes a _rectangular_ bag, such as "a sack of flour". On the other hand, "sac" is a pouch -- even in the biological or anatomical sense. For this reason, a scrotum is a _sac_. It's not a sack unless it has corners! * shudder/shutter Both words exist, but writers of erotic stories are most likely to mean "shudder": to tremble slightly. "Shutter" is a device that shuts (closes) something -- a window shutter, for example, or a photographic camera shutter. * then/than The pronunciation is very close, but their meanings are different. "Then" means "at that time" or "in the next moment of time", while "than" is used in comparisons such as "better than", "smaller than" or "less likable than". * they're/their/there Three words that are pronounced the same but mean different things. "They're" is short for "they are". "Their" is the possessive case of "they". "There" is the opposite of "here". * this/a One very common expression is using "this" instead of "a", such as "I have this boring teacher at school". While not incorrect, it is not entirely kosher either. Consider that, by definition, the word "this" denotes a person or thing that your listener knows already, or that it is so near both you and your listener that no further description is necessary. Clearly, however, that's not the case -- you are talking about _a_ teacher at school, apparently without naming him. In my opinion, it's better to use the indefinite article "a" (or "an" depending on the next word), which makes much more sense. * to/too (and two) "To" is a preposition/adverb that describes intent or direction, or indicates that the verb that follows is in the infinitive case. "Too", on the other hand, means "also" or, with the addition of "much" or "many", indicates an excessive amount of something. "Two" is just the number 2. * underware A very common mistake; the writer means "underwear". This mistake is easy to make, considering the existence of words such as "glassware", "software", and "Tupperware". In all those cases, however, "-ware" indicates a commodity, a whole family of things. "Underwear" ends in "-wear" because it's clothing you _wear_. * we're/were "We're" means "we are". "Were", on the other hand, is the past tense of "to be", as in "you were right". * you're/your "You're" means "you are". "Your" is the possessive case of "you". See "he's/his" above for an analogous case. This completes the second installment. Before I leave, I would like to encourage the Nifty writers to use a good, large dictionary such as Webster's Collegiate Dictionary whenever they are in doubt about the usage of this or that word. If your word processor has a dictionary function, by all means use it to look up words. And always remember the ripple-in-the-carpet analogy: the wrong word leads to confusion (at least) and irritation (most likely) in the mind of the reader. I'll try to answer all reasonable comments emailed to me. Flames and rants will be ignored. *END* ------------------------ (*) You don't think English is chaotic? I came across the following poem that beautifully illustrates the point: We speak of a box, and the plural is boxes, But the plural of ox should be oxen, not oxes. You may find a lone mouse, or a whole nest of mice, But the plural of house is houses, not hice. If the plural of man is always called men, Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen? When I speak of a foot, and you show me two feet, And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet? We speak of a brother, and also of brethren, But though we say mother, we NEVER say methren! Q.E.D.