From: elf@halcyon.com (Elf Sternberg)
Newsgroups: alt.sex,alt.sex.stories,alt.sex.furry
Subject: Journal Entry 171 / 1025  [ Planetfall: Making Love ]
Date: 25 Jun 1996 13:40:08 GMT
Organization: Pendor, UnLtd.
Lines: 331
Message-ID: <4qoq7o$1tj@news1.halcyon.com>
NNTP-Posting-Host: coho.halcyon.com

Elenya, Cerim 24, 1025

    In his sleep, he looks so lovely.  I can never take my eyes 
off of him, and yet, I know I should.  The wetness between my 
legs isn't fair, because I know I can't do anything about it.  I 
wish I could.  But it's something that we long ago knew would 
never be.

    The idea of making love to him sounds so... heavenly.  And 
the idea of fucking him terrifies me.  I make a lot of 
distinction between that, because it's true.  I love Aaden, and 
I will forever.  He makes my house complete, he makes the loves 
of my life complete.  But the thought of making love to that 
cudgel between his legs gives me pause.

    I sighed and headed out into the center room, with the 
wooden table, and sat down.  Reading the notes, it made me wish 
I was out there with Ken, out there, saving the Han.  He even 
took Sheja with him, but I decided to stay here.  I thought 
Amanda was right.  Silly me.

    I can't even manage a smile today.  The sun rises over the 
land again and a new day begins.  Dammit, Aaden, why did you 
have to pick *now* to have an argument with Tonni and decide to 
sleep in?  I sighed and picked up a brush, attacking my unruly 
hair and fur.  A quick debate with the mirror and I decided 
that, with a jumpsuit, I could pass for Tindal.

    N'Nance is a lovely dear, and he tried so hard to be helpful 
today, but I really couldn't bring myself to tell him why I was 
in such a funk.  I couldn't really tell myself.  Every once in a 
while, I cycle up to these wishes.  Just as Aaden feels he's not 
part of the family because it just isn't in his heart to have 
sex with me, I feel like I'm not doing enough for the family 
because I can't share myself with him that way.

    That's not very fair, though.

    Finally, I sighed and tossed down the gloves I was wearing.  
"Nance, I'm going home."

    He nodded, not at all begrudging me the right to do so.  We 
were a little low on people with the *Inquiry* staffed, but we 
also had fewer cases, and the Terran doctors were doing fine 
with the hardware we had on hand.  As I turned to leave, his 
arms encircled my waist.  "You seem... upset, Nyss.  Is it that 
Ken's not around?  Do you want company?"

    I laughed and patted his hand.  "Can't you get laid on your 
own, Nance?"

    "Easily," he said.  "I was thinking of you."

    I turned around, throwing my tentacles around his neck.  
"Nance, you're a wonderful friend and I couldn't ask for more.  
But," I shook my head, "Not tonight.  It's... something else."

    He nodded.  I kissed his muzzle softly.  "I love you," I 
sighed.

    "He'll be back soon," he assured me.

    "I know."  I kissed his cheek again, ruffling his whiskers, 
then left, walking out into the already dimming day.  Adapting 
to the fourteen-hour day had been brutal, and some people had 
just never gotten the hang of it and returned to the *Inquiry* 
when they wanted sleep, or went with the *Inquiry* when it 
pulled out just to avoid having to live on this insanely quick-
spinning world.  I walked across the plain of tents and lines, 
dodging beautiful children and equally lovely adults.  I even 
spotted Malthus somewhere, running with the older kids, carrying 
three slobber-laden balls in his mouth.

    I just wanted more rest, I thought.  I stripped out of the 
jumpsuit and, smelling less than rosy, fell into bed.  It made a 
splooshing sound underneath me, like fluidgel is supposed to.  I 
turned over and tried to sleep.

    Night swept over with the velocity of a Pendorian Shadow.  
No lights came on in our home.  We're a peculiar family, I 
guess, preferring the dark to the light, sleep to activity.  I 
closed my eyes and waited for sleep to come.

    Almost into sleep, I heard someone come back.  I could tell 
the footsteps were Aaden's, because both he and our 'taur son 
have such distinctive footfalls I can tell them apart.  He 
peeled back the curtain and tossed off his clothes.  "Hi," I 
said.

    "Hi," he smiled.  I sighed again and turned over, trying to 
feign that I was trying to sleep, and hoping he didn't see the 
expression on my face.

    No such luck.  "I'm not the telepath," Aaden said aloud as 
he sat down, "but I know melancholy when I see it.  Nyss, are 
you okay?"

    "Just missing Ken," I lied.

    "Me too," he said, placing his hand on my shoulder.  I 
shivered when he did that.  Inside my mind, I raged with desire.  
Touch me, Aaden.  Please.

    His hand on my shoulder became more insistent, pressing me 
down and turning me over onto my back again.  He loomed over me, 
his face smiling.  "It's more than that, isn't it?  It's me 
again?"

    I nodded shamefully.  "It just wells up sometimes and I 
have... have to live with it."

    He nodded, his fur waving.  Then, to my surprise, he leaned 
over and kissed me.

    His muzzle touched mine, his warm lips against my own, and 
then his mouth opened.  His arms were trembling slightly, and 
his kiss was one of the most awkward things I've ever 
experienced.  "Aaden, it's just like kissing a man," I said as 
he backed away.

    "I know," he smiled.  "I can still be nervous."

    "Why... ?"

    "Because lust should not be the only emotion to give me an 
erection."  He kissed me again, and we rolled over on the bed, 
onto our sides.  I grabbed him tight with my tens and held him 
close, feeling his body next to mine.  He didn't have an 
erection yet, but that didn't mean anything to me.  Ken 
frequently doesn't have erections until he's damned ready to 
either.

    His hands caressed my back, touching, testing.  This mel has 
held me in his arms as I screamed in pain while giving birth, 
and I have held him in my arms while he screamed in pain at 
Ken's whips.  In the five centuries together we have washed one 
another, slept with one another, and often made love to the same 
mel with one another... but not with each other.  I touched his 
heavy fur with my mittens, feeling the thick texture sliding 
under my pads, feeling his muscles sliding against each other 
and against his fell.  He kissed my neck, and I gasped, 
surprised.  I shouldn't have been so surprised; if nothing else, 
Aaden knows how to carry through on his decisions, and he's 
never been shy of initiative.

    Neither have I, although I will admit that it took me a 
while to get used to.  I kissed his chin, and we slid along each 
other, two loving bodies.  If not he, at least I felt lust.  My 
cunt, already feeling empty, ached to have him fill me.  I knew 
better than to ask him to go down on me, but I had no 
reservations myself about going down on him.  I slid down his 
body, pressing my face to his fur, feeling our two furs ruffling 
as I moved to his crotch, finding his cock.

    It hovered before my vision.  I have seen it many times 
before, but this was the first time I'd seen it like this.  For 
a humanoid, Aaden's cock is huge, with a slightly gentle 
downward curve.  It is pale, one shade darker than ivory white, 
criss-crossed with pale blue veins underneath an almost 
translucent skin.  The head is a bulb, a shade darker again than 
the sheath, shaped somewhat like the proverbial mushroom.  And I 
knew when I saw it that I could never get the entire thing into 
my mouth.  Not with a century of practice.  For the first time 
in centuries, I found myself marveling at Ken's prowess.  Anyone 
who could satisfy all of Aaden deserved some sort of 
recognition.

    But I tried, reaching down to surround the head with my 
mouth.  Mouths are so sensitive, and the feeling of the tendons 
in my jaw stretching so much, combined with the sheer *mass* of 
his cock against my tongue, impressed on me the final messages 
about how huge he was.  I expect full-sized Centaurs to feel 
like this, not people built to my scale.  Not even a mel twice 
my weight.

    He groaned softly as his cock grew harder, surging in my 
mouth even as I suckled him.  He had grown to full size, and I 
realized that I still wanted him to fuck me.

    The very idea frightened me, because Aaden is, still, 
enormous.  One thing I've never shared with Ken is his... 
appreciation of Aaden's size.  I won't say "love," because Ken 
is so catholic in his tastes.   Just trying to suckle it, I 
realized that it would stretch me, fill me, and it might even 
hurt me.  Yet, if Aaden was willing, so was I.

    He was breathing harder, gasping for breath.  "Nyss, stop.  
You keep doing the head like that, and I won't be able to take 
it for long.  That... starts to hurt after a while."

    I nodded, looking up.  "Sorry."

    "Don't apologize," he said.  "Just... "  He pulled me up by 
my shoulders until we were face to face again, kissing me hard.  
I felt dizzy as our tongues met.  It felt so odd, to be finally 
loving Aaden the way I had craved for so long, but I admit that 
it felt so right, too.  This was something that should have 
happened a long time ago.  Maybe that was just my own greed 
talking, but I've never thought of myself as a greedy person.

    His cock pressed against my thigh, and I felt its hardness.  
I pulled him over on top of me as I rolled onto my back again.  
He smiled.  "You've always talked about how you could never take 
all of me."

    "Then don't put it all in," I replied, taking it in my mitts 
and leading it to my opening.  He closed his eyes and with a 
gentle thrust buried himself into me.  I felt my insides balloon 
around his penetrating cock as it slid deeper.  I grunted softly 
in pain as I took almost every centimeter, but he hit my cervix 
at least three cents before the root of his cock.

    "Sorry," he whispered.

    "Don't," I said.  "It's what I dream of."  I pulled him 
down, craning my neck backwards to find his muzzle.  He kissed 
me, and his tongue entered my mouth and our coupling felt... 
complete.  He slid his cock out of me, then pressed back in.  
The immensity of it just kept coming back to my mind, and I 
recalled the... the violence with which he and Ken sometimes 
make love, and I marveled at both of them.

    I looked up into his face.  He was staring back at me, 
smiling, the edges of muzzle pulled up.  His eyes were alight 
with joy, but I sensed some sadness behind them although I 
couldn't place it.  He made love to me passionately and without 
reservations, and as I closed my eyes I understood what Ken 
adored about his lovemaking.  My hands touched his broad and 
powerful chest.  I don't like men with muscles, and Aaden pumps 
iron every day... but, for his soul, I make exceptions.

    He breathed harder, and I nodded.  "That's it, Aaden.  
Please."  I pressed up with my hips and he pressed down, our 
loving going on and on, and then, for a brief moment, everything 
seemed to spin as he panted and then groaned aloud, coming 
inside me!  I remember that we both said "YES!" at the same 
time, my tens wrapped around his neck, his chest pressed against 
mine.  I could feel his cock pushing against me, throbbing 
within me.

    "I love you, P'nyssa," he whispered.  I started crying.  It 
was too much.  He had said that many times before, but now... 
this way...

    "I love you too, Aaden," I managed to say around my tears.  
I looked up, and his face looked as sad, in its way, as my 
tears.  "Aaden?"

    He smiled a little.  "I... I think I've ruined my 
reputation."

    I laughed.  "I can keep a secret," I said.  

    He slid out of me, and both of us sighed as our joining 
ended.  "Nyss?"

    "Hmm?"

    "Towel?"

    I laughed.  "It's on your side of the bed, Aaden."

    He fumbled for it, then wiped himself off.  I could feel his 
come, a large volume of it, trickling out from between my 
thighs.  He sagged sadly against the mattress.  "Are you okay?"

    "Yes," he said surely.  I gave him a sidelong glance.  "Yes, 
I am," he repeated.  "This is one of those things that just... "  
He turned over onto his side, his eyes examining the ceiling of 
the tent.  "Nyss, half of me is trying to figure out why I did 
that.  I don't want to get your hopes up, because I don't know 
if we'll ever do it again.  I don't know why I did it in the 
first place.  And, to be honest, the other half of me is trying 
to figure out why I didn't do it sooner.

    "All of our life together, I have loved you.  I mean that.  
From the day you told me I was welcome, I have loved you, 
because I knew I could trust and respect you.  The fact that you 
don't turn me on is, well, part of what I am.  But I masturbate 
when I'm not excited... just looking for something to pass the 
time.  So I can get hard and get off when I'm not turned on."

    He paused.  "And, for all these years I've known... what you 
wanted from me."

    I placed my mitt on his chest, caressing her fur gently.  
"Aaden, I would have waited an eternity for you, and if you 
never... I would have survived.  What we did tonight satisfied 
me more than you can possibly imagine, and it will last."

    "I keep thinking I've ruined something.  I don't know.  My 
reputation, the tension between us, the purity--"

    "Aaden Satpulov Shardik!" I said, interrupting him.  "Stop 
that.  We've always managed fine.  Nothing's changed between us 
at all.  Your reputation is intact.  The tension... I'm not 
upset that it's gone.  And the purity, well, you know better 
than that."

    He chuckled.  "I'm not used to these moments of insecurity 
you guys throw into my life."

    "That's more like you."

    "Yeah."  He put his arm around my shoulder and guided my 
head into the crook of his arm, pulling me to snuggle up against 
him the way I do Ken.  I readily pressed up against him.  
"Nyss?"

    "Hmm?"

    "Ken's going to be back in the morning.  What are we going 
to tell him?"

    "The truth," I said.

    "Of course."  He kissed the top of my head.  "Goodnight, 
*imo coimelin.*"

    Of all the things he could have said, that was the best.  I 
closed my eyes to try and clear the tears welling up in there, 
but more just kept coming.  I kissed his chest softly and 
sighed, "Goodnight, *coimelin*."

--
"Journal Entry 171 / 1025  [ Planetfall: Making Love ]"
The Journal Entries of Kennet R'yal Shardik, et. al., and Related Tales
are copyright (C) 1989-1995 Elf Mathieu Sternberg.  Redistribution of
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