Date: Sat, 24 Aug 2002 16:40:32 -0700 (PDT) From: gayle anderson Subject: first and only love Sitting in a meeting in London , getting a urgent message to call home . Learning from my uncle my father has passed away . Even though we weren't on very good speaking terms my world fell apart. Catching the red eye back to the states , driving home reflecting on the thing's we had said during our last conversation . Him saying he couldn't understand how two people of the same sex can love eachother , but saying that no matter what i did in life he would alway's be there for me . I left this small town five year's ago after telling my best friend growing up that i loved her and alway's would . Seeing the shock on her face i left the next morning . Now returning knowing I will see her again . Seeing the town light's making my way downtown pulling up in front of my uncles resturant. Smelling the food cooking hearing and seeing the bustle of a crowded night . Hearing " JC welcome home " , seeing him pulling me into a hug , me crying on his shoulder " it will be alright , he fought long and hard , he's in a better place" nodding my head yes telling him i need to freshen up . Walking towards the back I hear her laugh across the room stoping mid stride , scanning the tables finding her sitting with four other women . She hadn't changed at all she took my breath away, seeing her whispering to one of the women , the lady watching me staring at Kara . Her whispering back , Kara turning back looking at me , studying me trying to figure out who i am, turning i walk away. Closing the restroom door looking in the mirror thinking " she didn't even reconize you " . My looks have changed , my hair has grown out past my shoulders wearing a pin striped business suit , who would take you for the tomboy that she once knew with the crew cut hair and baggy jean's . Heading back ,glancing her way seeing her watching me walk across the room smiling at her taking a seat at uncle Jake's table leaning across whispering " I'm going home , see you in the morning " . Replying " Ok , get some rest , go talk to her JC , you need to stop running ". " Would it make a difference , I made a fool of myself before i left here i don't need a repeat " i replyed . Leaning down kissing him on the cheek heading home . Phone ringing as i get outside hearing " hey sugar how are you doing , we will be there in the morning ok love ". Smiling I can always count on Mike and Greg " I just made it in a few hours ago, tired and lonely as usuall you know " . Standing there talking not realizing someone was behind me , " yes i saw her , she's as beautifull as i remember , I will probably see her at the funeral . Its hard loving someone you know you will never get to have ". Hearing " don't get down on yourself you never know she might have changed ". Tears welling in her eyes " I will see you two in the morning , bye " . Turning almost bumping inot the lady she was sitting with , staring at her knowing she heard everything , finding her voice " tell Kara , JC say's hi " . Leaving not waiting for a reply. Sitting with her family during the funeral in a daze still not believing her father is gone. Alone in the world taking for granted he would always be there , making it through the funeral and burial setting out back on the deck as family and friends come and go . " Sugar there's someone here to see you " , turning seeing Kara beside Mike . Tears running down both of their faces hugging eachother " it will be alright JC , I didnt' realize it was you last night till today, he loved you so much jenn it will be alright" . Taking the rest the afternoon catching up on what the other has been doing ." I'm having a cookout tonight if you want to come you are more than welcome " . Not knowing what to say asking " how's steve , do you have any kid's yet " . Laughing " um, no i broke it off with him a few weeks after you left . I realized i didn't love him , i was in love with someone else ". Looking stuned " I didn't know , I'm sorry it didn't work out , what do i need to bring " . Smiling " nothing just yourself and a swing suit " . Wearing jeans and t-shirt and tenny shoes pulling up to a nice house out in the country cars everywhere . Seeing Kara talkign with everyone smiling and laughing , making JC's heart pound . Watching her running up to her pulling her along " Hey everyone this is my very best friend Jenn " , saying hi to everyone " i was beging to think you weren't going to show up " Kara asked " I almost didn't but Mike and Greg pushed me into the car." Going to the bar sitting watching her working the crowd drinking a beer . Seeing her taking off her top and shorts standing there in a sky blue bikini . Toned adds , taned body , heart a pounding looking at all her beauty . " excuse me see anything you like " , replying " oh, yes " turning seeing the other woman beside her . Turning red looking away , " I'm Lisa , Kara has said alot about you , I'm sorry about your father . What are your plans while you are here ?" . Expecting the question's " you don't have to worry about me stealing your girfriend , I'm only here for a few more day's then i will be out of here and out of everyones' life". Seeing the anger rising " why don't you go join her , i hear you are a good swimmer by what she say's " , swallowing " I don't swim anymore , if you will excuse me I''m going inside" . Walking away leaving her there yelling " what are you scared of anyway Jenn it's just friend's " . Kara storming up to Lisa , " What are you doing , I told you we are just friend's , I think you should leave " , turning telling everyone the parties over . Walking into the house seeing JC holding their picture taken the week everything changed between them . " JC I'm sorry for what happened Lisa had no right to do that , she's been kinda out of wack since you got back ". Turning tear's in her eye's replying " I understand completely where she is coming from if i was in her shoe's I'd want to know what was going on , but i'm here for only my father's funeral nothing else" . Both sitting looking at the other " Kara I'm happy for you , your happiness is all i ever wanted , I just wish thing's could have been different . I'm leaving tomorrow and everything can get back to normal ". Looking stuned " why are you leaving so soon , I thought you would be here for a few more day's , at least go swimming with me once JC please ". Looking away " I can't swim Kara ok , I haven't for a couple year's don't ask me to do something I can't " tear's running down her face . Pulling her close hugging her " It's alright JC you don't have to , I wish you wuld tell me what's wrong " . "Your lucky to have found Lisa , I'm glad your happy , if you are ever in LA look me up and I will show you the sight's " . Knowing she's changed the subject " yeah sure JC we might just do that , look i'm tired and I know you need to get some rest before you head back " . Hearing the hurtfull tone getting up walking to the door looking back seeing her crying watching her walk away again , closing the door .