Date: Thu, 22 Mar 2007 14:27:31 +0000
From: Leather Pleasures <leatherpleasures@hotmail.co.uk>
Subject: I Lost Myself

You should know the usual spiel by now!

This story contains consensual sex between women.
If you're offended by same sex relations please don't read any further!

leatherpleasures@hotmail.co.uk

This is one of my darker stories!

I had been on a buzz all day. It was Jenny's birthday and I had it all
planned out. I had made a reservation at her favourite restaurant and I had
also been to the jewellers to pick up her present. After I picked up a
bunch of her favourite lilies I headed home to surprise her. When I arrived
home I knew straight away that something was wrong. In the living room
there was an open bottle of wine and two glasses on the coffee table. I
unsteadily followed the sound of moaning to the bedroom. I stopped when I
got to the doorway. Jenny was on her hands and knees on the bed. A familiar
woman who I couldn't place was wearing my strap on and filling my
girlfriend's ass with my favourite purple dildo.

"Get the fuck out of my house" I whispered as I gripped the doorframe and
tried to keep the bile that was rising. "Get the fuck out of my house!" I
yelled as I dragged the woman off my bed and through the living room and
out the front door. When I slammed the door I leant against it for a minute
and then took a deep breath and headed to the bedroom.

She knew exactly how I felt about cheating, we had talked about it and she
knew that if anyone ever cheated on me they would be shown the door without
any discussion, and yet I come home to her being fucked by a familiar woman
I couldn't place and they have the nerve to use my toys.

When I got to the bedroom, Jenny had put her robe on and was sitting on the
bed crying. Was I was suppose to feel sorry for her? It always used to
upset me to see her cry. I went straight to the wardrobe and started
gathering her clothes. I kept telling myself to ignore her because I knew
how angry I was and I didn't want to do something I would regret later. I
had an armful of her clothes and carried them to the front door, opened it
and threw them out. I went back to the bedroom to get some more.

"Please say something, talk to me...yell at me...anything!" Jenny cried as
she hit me to get my attention. I kept ignoring her but I could taste the
blood from the inside of my mouth. I didn't realize I was biting down on my
lip. When I finished throwing her clothes out I went up to her and grabbed
her arm and showed her the front door. She did try to put up a fight but
she knew that she wasn't going to win. Once I had got her out the front
door I slammed it shut and fell to my knees. I couldn't cry because that
meant Jenny would win.  I don't know how long I was on my knees for, when I
opened my eyes the room was dark. I got to my feet, poured myself a scotch
and tried to figure out what I was suppose to do next. I downed my drink
and then made a call.

When I knocked on the door she opened it and I went in without saying a
word, I knew exactly where to go. When I got to the room I turned around
and faced her. "The safeword is the same... use the crop." I told her as I
stripped and faced the metal cross. I felt her come up behind me to
restrain my wrists, ankles and waist. When she had finished I closed my
eyes and waited.  `Whack' for falling in love with you... `Whack' for
believing we could last... `Whack' for all the times I held you tight when
you cried... `Whack' for all the times you said you loved me... `Whack' for
all the times I said I love you... `Whack' for all the times you made me
laugh.

I could still feel the pain each time the crop made contact with my back. I
will get Jenny out of my mind. I will not hurt from what she did to me. It
was a good thing I was held in place because it was getting harder to stand
up and I could feel my wrists stretching, but I welcomed the pain.

`Whack' for all the times you touched me... `Whack' for all the times you
made me cum... `Whack' for all 6 anniversaries we had... `Whack' for me
getting down on one knee and asking you to be my wife... `Whack'

When I woke up I was in my bed. I could smell Jenny. I tried to sit up but
the pain shot threw me like a spear and I felt the waves of nausea
surface. I felt a gentle hand on my shoulder guide me back down. "Don't
move sweetie." I heard Jenny sob.  I closed my eyes and let the pain
consume me. I don't know how long I had closed my eyes for; the next thing
I felt was a soft gentle hand rubbing cream on my back.

"I did this to you...I'm so sorry, I don't know how to make it right."
Jenny cried. I couldn't find my voice to reply. I didn't want to reply. I
wanted her to hold me and make all the pain go away. "I can't believe she
didn't stop until you passed out. How could she not see what state you were
in? It has been so long since you went to see her and it's all my fault, it
should be me with all these welts. Tell me how I can fix this?" I listened
to Jenny as she moved around to look into my eyes. "Oh baby! Please don't
cry!" Jenny sobbed as wiped my eyes and tried to hold me but realized she
couldn't so she gently stroked my head.

"You can stay her until you find a place to stay, ok?" I quietly told her
as I sat at the breakfast bar sipping my coffee. It had been just over a
week since Jenny got a call saying that I was in trouble. This was my
second day out of bed. I could just about manage to wear a t-shirt without
too much pain. "Are you sure you don't mind, it's not a problem for me to
stay at a hotel." Jenny gently told me as she came to sit next to me. "No,
it's fine, stay her until you get yourself sorted." I told her as I stroked
her bare arm as I got up to refill my coffee.

I took my coffee outside and sat on the deck and tried to analyse all the
thoughts in my head. I know what the right thing to do is but I don't think
I am strong enough to let her go, but could I forgive her if she stayed?
Would she do it again? I just want to make her feel how I feel. I couldn't
let anyone else touch me now She was the first girlfriend that I let touch
me, it took me six months and she had the patience to wait. "Hey you! It's
time to put some more cream on your back." Jenny said gently from behind
me. "How long have you been standing there?" I said as uncovered my back
for her. "Your going to end up with scars." She said as she carefully
rubbed the cream in. Once she was done I got up without another word and
left her there on the deck.

She was sitting on the deck with her head in her hands crying. I saw her
reach for her phone and answer it. A few minutes later she joined me at the
breakfast bar and told me that the flat she looked at the other day would
be ready in a couple of days. The thought of living in this house without
her suddenly hit me like a kick to the stomach. I made my way back to bed
because I felt physically sick.

I had made a few phone calls while Jenny was at work. When she got home I
grabbed her arm and took her straight to the bedroom. "What are you doing?"
Jenny said as she tried to release her arm. I was gripping it tight and I
knew she was going to have a bruise in the morning. "Shut up!" I growled at
her as we got into the bedroom. I directed Jenny to the chair in the corner
of the bedroom. I think I scared her because when she saw my face she
stopped resisting and sank into the chair while I put the restraints on
her. I then left her alone in the bedroom.

It was at least ten minutes before I went back in but this time I bought
with me a familiar face. Jenny gasped when she saw us. "Keep your mouth
shut!" I said before she had the chance to speak. The woman's name was Sam
and the reason she looked familiar is because she is the owner of my local
sex shop and she was also the same woman who I threw out of my house the
other night. I had phoned her earlier and talked with her and she was more
than happy to come over.

I told Sam to strip and then get on her hands and knees on the bed and wait
for me. As I passed Jenny on the way to the bathroom I could see that she
was trying not to cry but when I found her eyes she let out a sob. She knew
what I was about to do. I came back out a few minutes later still fully
clothed but I had put my harness on under my jeans. I threw a bottle of
lube at Sam and told her to put some on her anus. Once she had done that I
took out my dildo and put some lube on it.

I didn't have to look over to Jenny to see if she was crying because I
could hear her from the bed. Once Sam was ready I climbed onto the bed,
grabbed her hips and forced my dildo into her ass. She cried out as my hips
made contact with her ass which stopped me from thrusting it in any
further. I didn't give her time to adjust as I fucked her with it. I could
feel my eyes burning as the tears ran down my face. I looked over at Jenny
and I could see her shoulders shaking and her eyes were closed. "Keep your
fucking eyes open and watch me!" I yelled at her as I continued to fuck
Sam. All of a sudden it hit me and I realised what I was doing. I pulled
out of Sam jumped off the bed and went out the front door.

It took me a minute to find the keyhole on the front door. When I managed
the door flew open and I fell in onto the floor. It took me a couple of
attempts to try and stand up. "You're drunk!" I heard Jenny's voice
somewhere in the room. "What's it to you?" I slurred back at her trying to
find some more alcohol. As I poured myself some scotch I felt her arms
around my waist. "Don't touch me." I hissed at her trying to pull away but
she was too strong for me. "Don't touch me." I sobbed at her. "Shh...Let me
just you." She whispered into my back.

We stood there for what seamed like hours. "I'm sorry...I'm so so sorry!
You should leave." I said as I turned around to face her. "I don't want to,
I want to stay with you." Jenny said as she wiped my tears away. "Come to
bed with me and hold me please, I don't want to talk." I said as I lead her
to the bedroom. "Ok, in the morning." She said as she followed me to our
bed.

leatherpleasures@hotmail.co.uk