That fucking box. In this case, “fucking” is both descriptive — it’s a box for fucking and all things related to fucking — and an expletive, as in “Fuck that fucking box.”

As usual, that fucking box was sitting on my stoop, dropped there by unseen but very well-known hands. It’s pretty nondescript, a bit bigger than a shoebox, the color doesn’t matter, made of wood I think, something heavier and classier than cardboard or plastic — but I’m going off on a tangent here. As usual, just sitting on my stoop — “as usual” meaning for maybe the third or fourth time since my lover and I had started exploring more kinky, more top/sub sex. The first time was pretty tame, just a blindfold to wear, with instructions to strip off and wait blindfolded until they showed up. The next few times had been slowly escalating, blindfold and handcuffs, then thick silicone balls that I slid into my cunt and carried there, feeling their weight and clenching against them, until my lover finally came over and relieved me of them (and also of a few shattering orgasms).

From there, the contents of this box felt like a big step. When I opened the box, the first thing I saw was a little knockoff GoPro-style camera. We hadn’t yet played with video but I had let it slip that the idea of being recorded getting fucked turned me on, and of course my lover had remembered, even if they hadn’t acknowledged the comment in that moment. With the camera propped, pointed, and running (thank goddesses it only had one button) I lifted off the paper that was hiding the next layer of items, and sharply inhaled, exhaling slower as I took it in.

My lover had warned me — taunted me, promised me — they’d fill me up one day, but I hadn’t expected it so soon, or to be forced to do it to myself. Inside the box was a ball gag on a strap, an anal plug, a glittery dildo, and mercifully, a small tube of my favorite lube. The only instruction was a handwritten note — “Keep your clothes on”. Apparently the rest was obvious.

I decided to save the gag for last, so I could breathe unimpeded while taking the dick and plug. Dildo first, because it would be easiest. I pulled my pants down to my knees and kneeled on the bed, leaning on one hand, with my cunt and ass facing the camera. I kept my underpants on, pulling them aside to finger my clit and dip my fingertips in and out of my cunt, getting myself ready for the dildo, which I clocked at 7”, almost 3” wide at the bulb. I was already turned on from the second I saw the fucking box, so my fingers slicked easily as I enjoyed the first light touches of my fingertips. I’ve never been much one to savor a moment, preferring to throw myself headfirst into what may come, but knowing my sweet, sexy, bossy, very impatient top was watching but not totally controlling, I slowed down. I dragged my fingertips up and down, in long strokes from the curve of my ass to above my clit, first gliding over just the outer lips of my cunt, then increasing the pressure, then starting to dip into my cunt, drawing more of my wetness onto my fingers and clit.

I was using both hands at that point — holding my underpants to the side with one and playing with myself with the other, resting on my shoulder mostly, my ass and cunt pointing towards the camera. As I started working the dick into me, I tried to turn my neck to watch as it slid into me. I moaned, playing it up a bit for the camera but also genuinely enjoying it, stroking my pussy lips as they stretched around the wide dickhead. Stretching stretching stretching, breathing, biting my lip, groaning.

There’s always that moment right after the bulb slips past the tightest part of my cunt’s opening, like relief of the immediate physical strain and at the same time, a heightening of the emotional tension. From there I couldn’t wait to have the rest of the dick inside me, wanting to be filled with it, wanting to keep feeling that stretch and release. But I did my best to take it slow, sliding it in a half inch, loosening my grip and letting it slide back out a little bit, rotating it a quarter turn back and forth to savor the slide of the silicone against the stretched, slippery folds of my cunt. I didn’t have to push it all the way in — I knew it would partly slide out while I worked on plugging my ass — but I did anyway, almost wailing as I held the dick’s base flush against my pussy lips and rocked it even deeper with my palm. Even with the little bit of fear about how I’d take the ass plug, or maybe partially because of the anticipation, I couldn’t help but luxuriate in the sensations of my cunt rolling and shaking on the dick, both from the thrusts from my palm and the involuntarily clenches from my cunt.

But I also know myself, and knew I could spend hours shaking sliding slipping driving pounding that dick into my cunt, and I didn’t want to disappoint my lover, so after a few minutes I made myself pause, leaving the dick inside me but pulling my palm away, letting my underpants slide back into position. I lifted myself back onto my hands and knees, shivering intensely as the dick shifted against my g spot.

Next up was the plug.

I shifted carefully onto my back, maneuvering around the dildo — extending one knee out straight, lowering down onto that shoulder then side, then fingers back on the base of the dildo to ease it along with me while I turned over, ending up with my legs splayed, one knee bent with the foot on the bed and the other leg down flat, my torso twisted so I could reach my asshole. I lubed my right fingers and moved them underneath me, reaching up to spread my asscheeks and tease the tender skin around my ass. I hoped the camera was focused well enough to see the goosebumps forming under my slick fingers. My other hand found the plug, just holding it for a bit, getting a feel for its weight and size and texture. Soon I let the tip of it join the fingers of my right hand, exploring and pressing gently on my asshole, just briefly at first, then longer and with more pressure.

I’d thought the length would be more challenging than the girth, at about 4” long, but it was really stretching around it that made me cry out and arch up. And of course arching only made it more intense, as my cunt clenched around the dick and drew the plug further into my ass, too fast, drawing first a yelp, then a moan out of my throat. At least it was fast, surprisingly so, so fast I had to pause for a moment and acclimate to the fullness. Again, I resisted my desire to rush ahead, and slowed down to savor the moment, and maybe torture my impatient lover. I made the last inch last, rocking it into me little by little, shifting my focus back and forth between the firm deep yessssss in my cunt and the aching stretching oh fuuuuuck in my ass.

After that, the gag felt easy, though it turned out to be more complicated than I anticipated. I couldn’t let the plug sit still in my ass. It felt excellent when I rocked it slightly, pulling it back and sliding it back in, even rotating it a little bit, but the size was too much to handle when it was still. So I had one hand on the base of the plug, but when I moved my other hand from my cunt, the dildo slid out from how tight I was clenching around it. I barely caught the dildo before losing it entirely, and had to reassess my plan. Luckily I still had my underpants on, as directed, and shifted them back into place. With one hand playing with the ass plug, my underpants straining around the base of the dildo being involuntarily pushed out of my cunt, I managed to get the gag in my mouth and the strap behind my head. Finally, finally, I breathed a sigh of relief and pride at having taken it all.

I don't know how long I paused there, both hands on the toys inside me now, fucking myself gently and thoroughly. I knew I shouldn’t come yet though, so I tried to shift back onto my knees to give my lover the best view, and hopefully earn my orgasm. But in adjusting, I accidentally kneed the box off the bed onto the floor, and my heart sank when I heard the clank of metal on the hardwood. Carefully, not twisting my torso too much on the dildo and plug, moving very slowly, I shuffled my knees little by little, dragged my shoulders across the bed, to rotate 180 degrees. Every motion was delicious and agonizing; I had to stop and breathe and recover after each shift. Then I saw what had fallen. They must’ve been hidden under the paper in the box — steel nipple clamps, on a chain.

I’m not sure if my muffled “god fucking damnit” would be understandable to anyone watching the video, but I’m sure the look on my face said enough — fury, overwhelm, some excitement underneath it too. I took a deep breath and let go of the base of the ass plug, and shifted so I could slide one finger of the other hand through the hole on the ass plug base while still keeping the heel of my palm on the base of the dick. Once positioned, adjusted around the dildo and the plug, with one shoulder precariously off the bed, I could almost reach the clamps on the floor, but I had to rock forward, pulling the dildo and plug deeper into me, to grab the chain. I cried out, but managed to get the clamps without splitting myself open -- or falling off the bed.

Back on the bed, clamps in hand, I triumphantly -- but carefully -- leaned down onto my left side, still impaled, less concerned now about anything slipping out, or going anywhere really, leaving one hand free to pull up my shirt. But before I could actually attach the clamps, my phone buzzed next to me. The text from my lover was brief, but clear: "Show me all of you. Now."

And then: "You may use your vibe once you're naked."

Everyone who knows me well knows I love my vibrator, and I keep it underneath my pillow for easy access, thank goddess. I just had to get my clothes off, but after all the maneuvering, it felt relatively easy to strip off. Shirt first, using one hand to hold the dildo and ass plug and a corner of my sleeve to let the other arm slip out, then over my torso and head, and finally off the other arm, momentarily releasing the dildo and plug, which were less precarious and more deeply settled in my cunt and ass. A moment of gratitude for my post-bra lifestyle. Underwear and sweats — luckily I wasn’t in jeans, I could easily push them both down and off without too much hassle. Then it was the clamps, a quick firm twist of each nipple to get them hard enough to take the clamps, a snap, and then finally FINALLY slipping my hand under my pillow.

The vibe was buzzing steadily on my clit in no time, and quickly forgot about the camera and the whole setup, just living in the sensations of being so full it felt like being held. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately for the well-being of my future-self, I didn’t forget about the agreement I’d made with my lover, “experimenting” with orgasm-control, not getting off without their permission for a week. It hadn’t really been my kink at first, I’d been willing to try it, but now, being forced to hold myself on the edge of a blackout orgasm, I fucking HATED it. I could barely keep myself from crashing over. I tried using one of the vibe’s teasing settings, the intensity of the buzz rising and then suddenly cutting out, which usually delays my orgasms but this time just felt like more play. I tried deep, counted breathing, but my exhales turned into shouted moans, only turning me on more.

I’ve always been turned on by my voice, having bigger, better, longer orgasms when I can be as loud as I want, loving how my voice gets husky and thick when I’m turned on, plus I’ve always been thrilled by dirty talk. My sudden shift from focused determination, biting my lip as I contorted around the toys, to moaning loudly, rhythmically, almost musically, nudged me past my point of control. All my wait just one more second tactics failed me, and I came came came so hard and long and loud, lifting off the bed from shoulders to knees, desperately trying to keep the toys inside me to extend the pleasure but eventually losing all sense of control and letting them slip out. My whole body shook, inside and out. My screaming moans turned to outrageous laughter, like I couldn’t contain all the joy.

I laughed and tingled and shook for several minutes before I really realized that I’d come without permission, and on camera with my lover watching. My eyes widened and I took one breath before turning to my phone, not quite ready to hear just how they were going to tear into me. But something amazing happened, something I couldn’t have anticipated -- a message 7 minutes old, saying, “Yesssss baby come for me now. You’ve been so good.” Somehow I’d missed it, and managed to hold off just long enough without knowing it.

All in all, pretty damn good for quarantine sex.

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