Date: Thu, 9 Jun 2005 00:06:19 +0100
From: Susie Down <susiedown@gmail.com>
Subject: Cath

Cath
by Susie Down
http://www.susiedown.com/


Cath was coming to stay. For the first time.
'How long have we been together,' I asked her on the phone.
'Three weeks I think, babe.'
'Feels like longer, doesn't it?'
'Not sure, I suppose it does.' She paused, then said 'I was wondering
if you were doing anything this weekend.'
'Don't have anything in mind.'
'I was thinking, I mean, I was going to ask whether I could come up to yours.'
I beamed and nodded, then remembered I was on the phone and said 'Of
course, I'd love you to. When do you want to come?'
'Is Saturday OK?'
'Yeah, great. Do you want me to pick you up from the station?'
'If that's OK.'
'What time?'
'Hold on, let me check the trains.'

She was gone ages from the phone and I began wondering whether to
shout 'Hello?' into the phone to remind her I was still here. Then I
heard a loud bang and an 'Ow!'.

I shouted 'Are you alright?'
She replied 'Yeah?' in an 'of course she was' tone, then said 'Sorry,
couldn't find a timetable and then I tripped over that footstool next
to my bed.'
'Ah, OK.'
'Anyway, it says here there's a train that gets in at twelve forty-five.'
'Fantastic. See you the day after tomorrow then.'
'OK, see you.'
'Bye.'

Oh fuck. I was so excited, and worried at the same time. We'd only
been together a couple of weeks before I'd had to come back to
University. Those two weeks were akin to sitting on a rubbish heap
eating cold coconut ice-cream. Our lives were completely different:
she was much younger than me, a bit of a drifter and we had no friends
in common. But when we were alone, it was heaven.

We had spent one evening in her room, on her bed. We'd talked for
ages, and then she'd kissed me, her mouth soft as the back of her
neck. After that, we had hardly been able to tear ourselves away.
Hours went by, and her room had became a wonderland of kissing and
whispering. As the evening had gone on, her eyes had become more and
more lidded, until they were tiny lines above her smiling mouth.

And she was coming to stay. We hadn't made love, and I wondered where
she would want to sleep. There was no spare bed in the house my
flatmates and I shared. So the next couple of days passed as I
alternated between excitement, apprehension and desire. Usually all
three came at once.

* * *

Saturday arrived and I went to the station at half past twelve. I
stood on the platform, looking at the people around me, wondering if
they were waiting for anyone. The train was late, and I felt everyone
shift a gear into irritation.

I heard a woman ask a man standing next to her 'Are you waiting for
the twelve forty-five to Liverpool?'
'Yes, I am,' the man replied, 'Typical, isn't it?'
'Yes. Where are you heading to?'
'Liverpool, to visit my son. He's just moved there for a new job.'
'Oh really? My daughter is at University in Liverpool.'
'What's she reading?' the man asked.
'Oh, I think she's halfway through one of those dreadful Jilly Cooper
novels. If you can call them novels, of...'
'No,' the man interrupted, smiling, 'I mean, what subject is she studying?'
The woman became embarrassed and looked down the tracks 'Oh, here's
the train coming I think.'

After that, they fell into silence. Five minutes later, the train did
pull in. Cath jumped out as soon as the doors opened, ran up to me and
threw her arms around my neck, rather theatrically. I felt a bit
overwhelmed, still finding touching in public strange.

'It's good to see you,' I said, and looked around us.
'Stop being so nervy. People don't care,' she said and smiled.
'I know, it's really silly.'
'Yeah it is. Come on, let's go.'

We went out of the station and began walking back to my house.

'I've never been to Sheffield before,' she said.
'I hadn't before I came here.'
'That's surprising,' she said, turning and beginning to grin.
'No, I mean, before I...'

She cut me off with her laughter, and I took her hand and squeezed it.
We arrived back at my house, and she saw our disaster-area of a
kitchen. I filled her in on my theory that the constant contact with
bacteria explained why my housemates and I never seemed to get ill.
Then I saw her expression and ushered her away, deciding we'd have go
out for dinner this evening.

Then I took her up to my room. I'd set out a mattress on the floor,
because I didn't want her to feel she had to share my bed. When she
saw the mattress, was it just wishful thinking, or did her face fall a
little?

'Do you want to go out for dinner tonight?' I asked. Then added 'I'll
pay if you're low on funds.'
'I'd love to go out, yeah. Where do you want to go?'
'There's this lovely Italian near here. The food is fantastic.'
'Great.'

I showed her the posters on my wall, talking about the films they were
for. Then we fell into silence. Cath seemed to be pondering something,
and I pondered what she was pondering. Finally she said:

'You haven't kissed me yet.'

I looked at her, surprised. I had wanted to kiss her many times since
she'd arrived, but something had made me wait. Maybe it was knowing it
would be all the more sweet if I delayed it. Or maybe it was a desire
to stay in control. Or maybe an uncertainty about her feelings for me.

'I want to,' I said, simply.

She moved a little closer and took my hand, her gaze uncertain. I
leaned towards her and...suddenly there was a knock and the door
opened.

Will stuck his head round the door and said 'Hi guys.' Then he saw the
looks on our faces and hastened to add 'Oh I'm sorry I shouldn't have
just barged in I'll leave you to it I mean, uh, I'll leave you alone.'
With that, he retreated and my door closed.

The moment gone, I smiled and kissed Cath on the cheek. Then said 'Do
you want to go for some dinner? I'm starved.'
'OK,' she said, looking a bit shaken.
'Are you OK?' I asked.
'I've got some things I want to talk to you about.'
'What?' I wrinkled my eyebrows.
'Let's wait until we get to the restaurant.'
'OK.'
'Do I have time to get changed?' she asked.
'Sure.'
'Good,' she said, smiling.

I left the room to give Cath some privacy. After ten minutes of
counting the flowers on the wallpaper, my bedroom door opened and Cath
peered around it.

'Can I come back in now?' I asked.
'Yeah, all finished.' she said, opening the door for me.

I tried not to look at what she'd changed into, but failed, so I may
as well tell you. She had on a slim, navy blue t-shirt, navy jeans and
a black necklace strung just below her chin. Her eyes were mascarared,
with a tiny bit of glitter under them.

'Oh, sod dinner, lets stay in,' I said, then lied 'I want to watch a film.'
'No, we said we'd go out. Come on.'
'OK,' I sighed theatrically. Then I said 'That's a lovely necklace.'
'Thanks,' Cath said. 'I only got it recently. For some reason, wearing
it makes me feel less exposed. It's like unobtrusive armour or
something.'
'I know exactly what you mean. You going to bring your scimitar as well?'
'Shut up,' Cath giggled. 'Come on, let's go.'

I got my wallet and keys and we set off for the restaurant. As we
walked through the park, Cath took my hand, but let go once we reached
the road. Five minutes later, we were at the restaurant.

As we walked in, I asked 'Is this OK?'
'Yeah babe, it's nice,' said Cath, looking at the red tablecloths,
candles, the softly lit bar and worn wooden chairs.

We were seated and then the waitress brought us menus and water and
bread, then she went to another table. I moved the candle on our table
so I could see Cath's face. Her eyes met mine. Though they were
actually brown, in the dim light they looked black. The waitress
returned.

'Can I get you something to drink?'
'A gin and tonic, please,' I said.
'And for you?'
'The same.'
'Thanks, I'll be back for your orders in a moment.'

After the waitress had left, Cath reached across the table and touched
my hand. I looked into her face and wanted to kiss her so much. She
looked down at her menu and we were both silent as we chose.

The waitress came back with our drinks, and Cath took a long draught
from her glass.

'What would you like to have?'
'I'll have tomato salad with French dressing. And pizza with pepperoni
and mushrooms,' Cath said.
'And I'll have the stuffed pepper and the steak.'

The waitress went away with our orders. I took a breath and said:

'What was it you wanted to talk to me about?'
'Ah. OK. Well, it was more something I wanted to discuss with you.
What do you think about us being together,' she said.
'What do I think?' I asked, feeling uneasy.
'I mean, are you happy?' She paused, then said 'Do you think it's a good idea?'
'Why wouldn't it be?' I was feeling really nervous now.
'Because we live in different places. And I get the feeling you're not
completely happy.'
'Cath, you couldn't...' I began.

Then the waitress came with our food. We ate our first courses in
silence. My mind churned, and I barely looked up from my plate.
Finally, once we had both finished, I said:

'Cath. There's nowhere I'd rather be than here having dinner with
you.' Silencing the lewd voice in my head, I continued 'You make me
happy.' Then, afraid her worries were a screen for her own
dissatisfaction, I asked 'Are you unhappy?'
'Only when I think you don't want to be with me. I worry when I phone
and you say you're busy and can't see me.'
'Oh.' I smiled tenderly. 'That's what I'm like with everybody. I need
time to myself, to read, to watch films, to write.'
'You're like that with everybody?'
'Yeah, and it's something I've been thinking about. I was wondering if
you'd like to start reading a new book with me. Because I realised
time with you is just as relaxed as being alone, but it's better
because I'm in your company.'

Cath smiled, reached across the table and took my hand. 'So you do
want to stay with me?'
'More than anything,' I replied, wishing it sounded half as true as it was.

Our main courses arrived and we talked lightly, laughed a lot. Cath
suggested we go for a walk tomorrow up into the peaks. I agreed
reluctantly, then whole-heartedly when she suggested I wasn't up to
it.

'Do you want some dessert?' I asked, after we'd finished eating.
'No, I'm stuffed.'
'Sure?'
'Sure. What about you?'
'No, I'm full too,' I said.

I asked for the bill, paid and we walked out onto the street.

'That was lovely,' Cath said and kissed me on the cheek. I felt desire
well up in me, and turned towards home. She followed after me and took
my hand. We walked along the road, both lost in thought. I was
considering what would happen when we got back. I hoped the mood
wouldn't break, hoped we would kiss.

As we turned into the gate of my house, Cath squeezed my hand and said
'Stop a minute.' I did, and she drew me closer and our lips came
together. Then her kiss became firmer and her lips parted. I touched
her back, feeling the shape of her spine between her shoulder blades.

We kissed softly, her hand resting on the back of my neck, pulling me
gently towards her mouth. After a little while her hand slipped down
to my arm, then she slid her fingers into the back pocket of my jeans.

Our kiss lasted for ages, until she finally broke away and said 'Let's
go inside.'

She took my hand and led me through the front door and up the stairs.
We went into my room, and sat down next to each other on my bed. Cath
touched the corner of my eye, then stroked my cheek with her knuckles.
Our mouths moved closer and closer, and then our lips met. I touched
her chin, my hand trembling. Then I reached behind her to unfasten her
necklace. As I slid it from her, she broke the kiss saying:

'We should probably get ready for bed.'
I looked at her, surprised. 'OK.' I replied.

We both shared the basin to clean our teeth. Then Cath went to the
bathroom, taking what looked like her nightie with her. I took the
opportunity to change into my nightshirt. She came back, wearing an
incredibly arresting slim, grey cotton dress. I felt very cloddish in
my long shirt.

'Are you OK?' I asked, wondering why she'd stopped our intimacy so abruptly.
'Yeah, I'm fine,' she said. 'I'm just quite nervous.'
'About what?' I asked, innocently.
'About being so close to you. And sleeping in your,' here she paused, 'room.'
'Isn't it a good thing?' I asked.
'Yes, it is,' she said definitely.
'Tell you what, why don't you sleep in my bed, and I'll sleep on the
floor.' Cath began to speak but I continued 'I don't mind at all,
really.'
Then she said 'No, I know you don't mind. But I was hoping I could
share your bed.'
My heart leapt, and I grinned. 'OK.'

As I reached out she took my hand. I pulled back the covers and she
got into the bed. Then I went and shut the door and turned the light
off. Feeling my way back to the bed, I stumbled over my desk chair,
lurched forward and banged into the bedside table. Cath laughed so
hard I thought she'd burst.

'Very funny,' I said, getting under the covers.
'Oh, I'm sorry. I shouldn't laugh.'
'No, you shouldn't,' I said, mock angry.
'What can I do to make it up to you?' she asked.
'Well...'

And then her mouth was on mine. We kissed, slowly and gently at first,
then the heat between us grew and our kiss became more fervent. Cath
propped herself up on one elbow, and as she kissed me, her fingers
undid the buttons at the top of my shirt. Then her mouth went to my
neck, where she placed the tenderest, gentlest kisses you can imagine.
Her lips moved down a little and she pushed my shirt off my shoulder,
softly kissed the exposed skin.

'Oh angel, that's...' I whispered. Then Cath covered my mouth with
her's, silencing me.

Again she drew back, undid the buttons of my shirt all the way down to
my waist. Her hand moved to my thigh and she drew her fingernails up
over the material of my shirt. Then I gasped as her mouth closed over
my breast. She sucked ever so gently, making my breath flutter into
her hair.

Her thigh against me was torture ? I strived towards her, but each
time, she drew back. My hands went to her waist, began pulling up her
dress. I slipped my hands beneath the material and stroked up her
sides and down her back. She stopped moving, shakily drew her breath
in. Gently turning her onto her back, I kissed her parted lips, and
then slid her dress up over her thighs and then her hips. She half sat
up, letting me pull the dress over her head.

I laid her gently back down and she put her hands on my shoulders. She
pushed my shirt down, over my upper arms, then elbows, then down to my
waist and over my thighs. I kicked the shirt the rest of the way off,
gathered Cath into my arms again. I laid my body against her's, my
thigh between her legs, stomachs pressed together, breasts touching
and mouths apart.

'Are you OK?' I whispered into her ear.
'Do that again!'
'What, this?' I whispered into her ear again.
'Yes, yes.'
'This?' I whispered again.
'Oh!'
'Or how about this?' I said, my lips going to her neck, sucking ever
so tenderly.

Her sighs began to run into one another. I moved lower, kissed her
shoulder, her clavicle, her breast-bone. I stopped at her stomach and
asked one last time 'Are you sure you're OK with this?'

'Yes,' she said, her breath catching in her throat.

I softly licked her stomach, kissed the flesh near her belly-button,
stroked my tongue over each of her hips. Then, when I could bear it no
longer, I went lower, my mouth between her thighs. Moved my tongue
against her, teasing her open. I reached up and grasped her hand, felt
her squeeze my fingers, compelling me on.

I licked her slowly at first, but then her hand went behind my neck,
pulling me towards her. I slid my tongue against her over and over,
until her breathing became heart-breakingly laboured. My tongue moved
against her one last time, and then she was utterly still for a
second, before she sunk back onto the bed. I kissed her thighs,
stroked my nails down her sides. My hand still in her's, she pulled me
up to lie next to her. My thigh between her legs once more, she hugged
me to her.

I fell asleep, my head on her shoulder, my face turned into her neck.
And the next morning, for the first time, I woke next to her, and saw
her gazing down at me.