"Earth to Jane, Earth to Jane, come in Jane"
"What? sorry." I replied.
"What is up with you?!"
Nick is one of my best friends, a former boyfriend to be honest, and a very very sweet guy. It was Friday night, we were in local pub for a drink or two, but I still couldn't stop thinking about the incident in the office.
"Oh, nothing. Just work."
"What about work?"
I didn't have time to reply before Nick continued.
"That shit of a boss of yours giving you a hard time? I knew it! Just tell him where to shove that job, Jay! You're twenty eight years old, it's time you moved on from downbeat office work and found your true potential."
I wondered if Nick knew what I'd been thinking my true potential might be. . .
"If he's hassling you, I can always send Will round to 'have a word"'
Will was Nick's boyfriend, and the main reason Nick was no longer mine. It had ended rather amiably considering, but it's going to dent any girl's pride to be left for a man, and a particularly butch man at that.
"No," I replied, "It's not really John's fault. It took a lot out of me completing those minutes last week, I didn't leave the office until 10. I just haven't had a chance to recover and it's catching up with me now. I'll be fine"
I was more than used to Nick's head-sideways-"there's-more-to-this-than-your-letting-on" look and simply forced a smile in return. Belle saved the day by turning up with our drinks.
Belle is Nick's sister, and a very old friend of mine. I knew her long before I knew Nick, we studied together although she managed to complete the course.
"Ignore me brother, he doesn't know when to let go. . . "
"That's not what Will says!"
I at least managed to maintain my smile, but of course my mind was in turmoil. After I'd seen the camera, I'd snatched my clothes and dashed back into the main office to dress. Of course, there was a bloody camera in there too. Why hadn't I seen these fucking things before? I felt rather indignant about being spied upon - but it wasn't like I could raise a complaint without raising suspicion at the same time.
I finished the minutes and ate my cold pizza and melted ice-cream whilst trying to think of a way out. Surely they wouldn't check the camera footage unless there was a robbery? I mean, they couldn't have someone checking all the cameras, all the time? By the time I left work I'd managed to convince myself that it would all be recorded over by tomorrow and that no harm was done. Even so, it was well after 3am before I finally managed to drop off to sleep.
"For goodness sake woman! Join the land of the living!"
"Nick! Be a good little poof and shut up"
Belle and Nick were half way through their drinks whilst mine sat untouched on the table. Belle continued, flicking her dark hair to one side.
"What's up lass?" It was the same tone of voice my mum used. . .
"Nothing, honestly, I'm just tired"
"Won't wash. I've seen you tired, pet, you're ratty and bitchy and no fun to be around . . "
"Thanks. . . "
"You're welcome. But right now, you're bloody comatose. If something's on your mind, you might as well tell us - we'll only surgically remove under alcohol if you don't, and that's more painful, however hard it might seem to just tell us"
"Well. . . " I started.
Even lying in bed on the Tuesday night, I couldn't really put my finger and what it was making me so upset, whether it was shock to myself of the excitement of the pornography, or the fear of being caught doing "non-work related activity". I don't really think I thought of myself as sexually repressed, the relationship with Nick had hit me hard, but we were still friends. Other guys had treated me like shit, but every woman can say that, I wasn't anything special. But there was no denying I was slightly taken aback by the strength of arousal I'd felt. It usually took a bottle of wine and night of persuasion to get my knickers off in the bedroom, let alone at work! It had definitely pushed buttons that hadn't been pushed for a long time, if ever. Maybe it was the emotion. Maybe if I'd seen a man carefully but passionately making love to another woman I would have got equally as excited? Something inside me said no.
Or was I more worried about being caught on camera? There was no doubt it would lead to massive humiliation and shame, not to mention losing my job and kissing any references goodbye. "Reason for leaving last job - caught masturbating to porn on boss's computer", wow, they'll be queueing round the block to employ me! I could just imagine all the comments, snide remarks, jokes that would be played, it would unbearable. I'd probably end up on one of the TV outtake programmes, so everyone in the world could see me touching myself naked. . .
That thought lingered in my mind for a minute or two, taking shape. . .there was no doubting I was becoming aroused again. . .
That was disgusting! Guys sitting in front of their tele's at 2am in the morning, pants round their ankles watching grainy black and white footage of me masturbating - yuk! Or maybe they were colour cameras, slightly better quality. Sharp enough to actually pick up the details. Before I knew what I was thinking, they were film cameras, producing high quality movie images of my sexual display - but not to an audience of dirty old men, but a huge, eager crowd of women. They were outside the office, all waiting, all damp. . . I could hear myself, moaning softly as I worked at my clit - I could even taste my juices as I licked my fingers clean, smell my gentle aroma. . .
Then they let themselves in. . . the cameras rolling silently suspended in mid air as the luscious young women came towards me, their clothes evaporating as they did until they were all nude- now running to reach me. I welcomed them gladly, kisses rained down on my flesh - my lips, my breasts, my thighs and oh my god. . .
The most glorious vision of beauty stood above me, I don't think she looked like anyone I'd ever seen before but I knew she was the most desirable woman I'd ever met, and I accepted her lips gladly. Our tongues touched and danced, and I felt her gently settle her chest upon my mine. Her hand explored up my thigh, the excitement growing, knowing, knowing, knowing where she was going.
A sigh escaped from between our lips as her fingers stroked up between my legs. I let my head roll back and submitted completely to the pleasure it brought. Quick, firm, desiring kisses covered my neck, and her other hand traced around my body, arousing every square centimetre of my skin. It was bliss, without question, without qualification. . .bliss.
Her fingers entered my body so gently, teasing and pleasing. Eyes closed I lifted my head and we kissed again, deep and passionate. I could feel my tension growing, I wanted to scream out every time she moved - she knew so well how to excite me. Wrapping my arms around her back, I pressed her tight towards me - to my horror, she slipped away. A moment of fear, quickly past as her lowering head reached my bosom.
Each breast lovingly tended to, by both touch and tongue. But she continued, kissing my stomach and yet further down. Then her hands on either side of my thighs, damp and longing. A glace, that eye contact. . . that wonderful affirming eye contact. . . and an outstretched hand. We clasped fingers, and she began to drive me wild. . .
Everything I ever thought had been an orgasm before was a mere prelude. The force, the strength, the unadulterated bliss of her skillful kiss was indescribable. Wave after wave pulsed through me - all my senses were on fire. The world was so bright and vivid; the scent of woman was overpoweringly erotic; the taste of her mouth still lingered and every sound of the touch of her tongue on my eager sex made me almost faint.
"Oh. . . no more. . . I can't take any more. . ."
"As you wish. . . " Belle replied, lifting her head from my pussy . . .
Eyes open - wide awake - bolt upright in bed. The radio alarm by my bedside said 6:47am. I had drifted asleep, and the dream was still fresh in my mind. . . when had it become Belle???
"Is that all?" she asked.
"You don't think it's a big deal?"
"Hell no!" Belle laughed "Hey, I've probably dreamt I WAS that woman before!"
I'd only told them about the dream, and then an edited version. There was no need for them to know WHY I'd had the dream, and I wasn't about to admit to anything more if that would keep them quiet for a while.
Nick smacked him empty glass down on the table, smiling.
"Now that's over Lesbo-Jane, finished your girly-lesbo-drink, and get the next lesbo-round in!"
"As long as that's all . . ." Belle added.
Of course, it was far from all. There was no way I was getting back to sleep Wednesday morning, so I'd just got up. I had to throw my pj's in the wash, the crotch was soaking, and the sheets were pretty damp too. I seriously considered phoning in sick at work, but I thought that would simply draw more attention to myself. I set off early and the traffic was light - I spent an agonising 25 minutes in work before anyone else turned up.
It wasn't long before I got my first scare. The computing officer came to see John, and they had a private discussion, which got quite heated. I was so terrified, but at least everyone was trying to listen in, so it didn't appear I was showing too much interest, even though I knew so much more than everyone else about what it might be they were arguing about.
Eventually, John stormed out.
"Right! Someone used my computer last night, and I not-fucking-happy!"
The last three words came out as one. . .
"I've been accused of doing some really. . . dodgy stuff. . . and pretending to blame someone else. So unless someone comes forward and tells me who did it in the next twenty minutes - you're all fucking-fired!"
There was no way he could carry that threat out, but he could do plenty of damage. . . On one hand, by not coming forward they might think to check the security cameras (although why hadn't he used that threat already?), on the other, if I came forward, I would have more than one difficult question to answer. I said nothing. . . and lasted 'til the end of the week, but, as is pretty clear, it was still playing on my mind by Friday evening.
As was the dream. I don't remember dreaming on Wednesday, Thursday or even Friday nights - I don't remember much about Friday night at all. And I think I could have let that whole dream incident slip from my mind if I'd lost my mobile phone or had it stolen and never received Belle's text on Saturday morning. . .
"Hi J, sorry abt last night. U were v drunk, I v drunk too. don't want ruin friendship. love B"
What the fuck had I done on Friday night?
Copyright jane 2004.