Jessie and Katie (in Friends and Lovers) - Episode 40 "Dear Diary"
Written by: TVM (email@example.com)
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Two weeks later in the Manning-Sammler world...
Yeh it's been a long while since I wrote, this is true. But I have my reasons believe me. The entire world has gone literally mad around me. But one thing has not changed I STILL LOVE SARAH RENAE GRASSER. WOW it still feels weird to write that. But it's true. Anyways, I'm totally losing track of why I wanted to write. Just to get things straight in my head and hopefully clear my mind some. So here goes, Mom is so happy to be "with child" again, as she says. She's bouncing off the walls with excitement and all the other emotions that go along with her condition (mood swings anyone? LOL). I'm so happy for her. On the other end of the spectrum is Jessie, I feel so sorry for her. Katie called me a few nights ago and we went out and had some fun, she needed it (but still never mentioned anything about me kissing Jessie....hmmmm). And we've gone to the orphanage a few times. I swear Lily Marie gets cuter by the minute, I think I'm getting attached. LOL. And you should have seen her reaction when I took her the posters and stuff I promised, totally made my day. Anyways, now Jessie is mad at me for going out with Katie. I've tried to convince her she should call Katie and try to work things out, but she's stubborn. And Katie's not being very much help on this front. Plus Karen still won't talk to Jessie (or Eli for that matter), but she does have time to hang out with her friends; me and Sarah saw her with some woman downtown when Mom went for her last check-up. And for like the third weekend in a row, she disappeared....totally weird.
Let's see what else, oh yeah I STILL LOVE SARAH RENAE GRASSER (I do!!!!!!). Ummmm....Zo? and her friend Jennifer have been like connected at the hip the last few days. Well except for the times that this Sam girl shows up and she and Zo? disappear inside her room and lock her door. Something is up with Sam. Sarah seems to think she's all trouble just because her sister Shady is a controlling bitch. Speaking of Shady, well actually Joey, she's been spending less time at the hospital these days, but it's not what you might think. Cori's been told she might get to come home in a few days (YAY!!!). So Joey has been running around like a chicken with her head cut off cleaning up the guest room (with Mom's help). One thing I did find out from Joey that sorta shocked me was, Cori doesn't have any memories at all from before the accident. None, which I thought was kinda weird considering what happened after she woke up. HMMMM anyways. Shell, Sarah's cousin, met Tad a few nights ago and I think they like each other, prolly cause she's got a big mouth like him. LOL. Speaking of Sarah (I still love her), she's been busy too, with Mr. White moving to Florida, she has to be ready to take his place. Fortunately that Philips guy has been doing most of the work. The business manager moved in a few days ago. He took the penthouse when Sarah didn't want it (She's so goofy!!!!). Said she didn't wanna move from the place where we fell in love. So she wouldn't be moving. SIGH!!! SWOON!!!
Anyways I think that's pretty much it, so I'mma sign off for now and get ready for bed.
P.S. Can you believe summer is about over? School starts on Monday (only 13 more days). AHHHH, at least I'll be a senior and with Sarah, which is always good. Good Night.
"Get out of my way" Jessie growled coming into the bathroom as Grace was standing in front of the mirror, brushing her hair.
"What is your problem huh?" Grace asked bitterly after she shut the door behind her. "You been bitching at me for days now. If this is over Katie....I'm sorry for what happened. But I'm not gonna abandon my friend just so you'll be happy."
"Fine. Whatever." Jessie said, turning away.
"No it's not fine, whatever" Grace snapped, stepping in front of her, "why won't you just call her?"
"I dunno" Jessie said.
"Look Jess if you?re thinking I want Katie..." Grace started.
"You?re only friends I know" Jessie said, taking the cap off the toothpaste. "You would never be as stupid as I am."
"That's true" Grace said, nudging her step-sister playfully. "If you wanna call her I'll leave you alone."
"Nahhhhh she's prolly still mad" Jessie said, putting the paste on her toothbrush.
"Yeh she is" Grace said as Jessie looked at her in shock, "I'm just tellin you what I think."
"Do you think it's all my fault? The fight I mean?"
"Yeh, pretty much" Grace said softly, figuring Jessie would explode, but watching as she turned and began to brush her teeth, seemingly already knowing the answer to the question before she had asked it. "Why did you get so mad about us goofing at the hospital?"
"I dunno really, thought for a second you really did want her" Jessie said.
"I want Sarah and only Sarah" Grace said firmly, "Who do you want?"
"What kinda question is that?" Jessie asked defensively.
"Katie told me everything about you and Cori and her" Grace said, "She thinks you?re in love with Cori."
"WHOA" Jessie said, dropping her toothbrush and leaning against the door behind her. "I'm in love with Cori? I had a crush on her, I guess and things got all crazy when she got hurt. Now she barely remembers me, and she's all into Joey so even if I wanted to, she wouldn't want me."
"GEEEZZZZ" Grace said, joining her by the door, "How do you keep all this inside?"
"It's not easy" Jessie said, a tear rolling down her cheeks.
"Do you still love Katie....honestly?" Grace asked.
"YEH" Jessie said in a panicked voice and then smiled at the admission. "I do, I still love her."
"I knew you did" Grace said, giggling. "And there's something you should know. But you can't tell anyone. Promise?"
"What is it?" Jessie asked with a worried look.
"Ok ok I promise."
"It's about Cori" Grace said as Jessie's look turned to one of fear, "you know she said she remembered you and thanked you for saving her life?"
"She lied" Grace said, cringing at the way that sounded.
"HUH?" Jessie asked in disbelief. "But why?"
"Her memory is a total blank before she woke up" Grace said, "she heard us talking about how you saved her life, all you did for her and she didn't wanna hurt you. So she pretended to know you."
"You?re not kidding?"
"No" Grace said.
"Good" Jessie said, lifting her head with a confident smile. "Maybe we can both be happy now."
"You mean you?re not mad or hurt?" Grace asked softly.
"Maybe a little" Jessie said which was followed by a long silence filled with the sound of brushing teeth. Jessie began thinking about how much her life had revolved around Cori getting better and now that she was, it became apparent that she and Katie's relationship had somehow become damaged. She decided she needed to clear the air with Katie once and for all and see where they stood afterwards. She rinsed and turned to Grace finally and went on. "I think I will go and see Katie. Gimme a ride?"
"A ride?" Grace asked as she spit toothpaste all over the floor.
"Yeh I wanna see her" Jessie said, handing Grace a cup of water and turning to open the door. "I need to see her. Ok?"
"Oh ok" Grace said as Jessie disappeared around the corner.
Meanwhile at Katie's......
"Who is it Kev?" Katie asked her brother from the top of the stairs.
"It's not who you?re hoping" Kevin said as Katie came rumbling down the old wood stair case and stopped dead in her tracks when she saw the familiar face standing before her.
"Joanna?" Katie said as the pretty red-head standing in the door way smiled nervously and took a step forward.
"Hey it was nice seeing you again" Kevin said, touching Joanna's shoulder before leaving down the hallway.
"BYE KEVBO" Joanna said with a teasing smile as Kevin turned and shot her a warning look before pushing open the kitchen door and disappearing inside. "He always hated that nickname."
"Been a long time Jo" Katie said, putting her thumbs through the belt loops in her jeans. "You heard about me and Jessie huh?"
"Yeh I heard" Joanna said, still looking nervous. "We do still have some of the same friends ya know."
"So whatta ya want?" Katie asked a bit more harshly than she wanted to.
"Your body baby" Joanna said, flashing her a smile, "I never did get it. But now that you?re single maybe you'll let me have another chance."
"I'm not single, at least not yet" Katie said, stepping towards Joanna and pushing the screen door open as they stepped outside.
"But from what Rose said..." Joanna said.
"We had this huge terrible stupid fight and a lot of things came out that she did" Katie said, sitting down in the porch swing. "I dunno what she's thinking."
"How long has it been since ya talked to her?" Joanna asked.
"A little over two weeks" Katie said.
"It's been two weeks? Damn" Joanna said, joining her in the swing. "I think she's trying to tell you something."
"Maybe" Katie said as she felt Joanna's arm slip around her waist, "I just don't wanna let go yet."
"It's tough sometimes, breaking up with a girl you love" Joanna said.
"Course I'd never know what it's like to break up with you" Joanna said, laying her head on her shoulder, "You never did give me a chance."
"It was just never the right time you know that Jo" Katie said honestly, "Either you had a girl or I did."
"So what about now?" Joanna asked.
"Well not sure about me, but I know you do" Katie said referring to Joanna's current steady, Rose.
"Who Rose?" Joanna asked. "No we have an understanding. We can see other people if we want. We've got an open relationship. She's got girls on the side and guys too for that matter, so do I. I'm not in love with her, it's just great sex."
"So you?re gonna dump her for me?" Katie asked with a smirk. "No thanks."
"Fine then, I don't want your old body anyway" Joanna said as she turned away and pretended to be mad.
"Good cause you not gonna get it" Katie said as Joanna turned and looked at Katie, trying to fake a broken hearted look. "Oh good grief Jo give it up. You?re really bad at that."
"Seriously I wanna know Katie" Joanna said as she smiled, "Why won't you give me a chance?"
"Cause I'm still in love with Jessie" Katie said.
"After all this time? yeh sure" Joanna said, "Katie, you tried the good girl thing with Sarah and look where that got you. A broken heart. And now this Jessie girl is another sweet and innocent from what I hear. What happened to you?"
"I got tired of the same ole crap" Katie said. "I wanted to fall in love with someone, not just fuck them."
"But baby everyone said you were so good at it" Joanna said making Katie blush. "Best fuck Cori ever had, I know that."
"Oh shut up" Katie said half serious-half kidding as Joanna backed away.
"It's true" Joanna said, "You can't change your spots just because you?re tired of being you."
"I wasn't tired of being me" Katie said, "I was tired of being someone else. This is me."
"Do you really believe that?" Joanna asked with a smirk.
"Yeh and if you don't, you can get the hell off my porch" Katie shot back and stood before walking into the house and letting the screen door slam noisily behind her. Joanna sat there for a few minutes wondering how she kept getting herself into the same situation. She finally stood and looked in the screen door, seeing Katie sitting at the bottom of the stairs.
"Sorry" Joanna said simply, "I'm gonna go, I guess I'll see ya later."
"Don't go" Katie said, opening the door and grabbing Joanna's arm. "Right now I need to hold onto my friends instead of pushin? them away."
"My thoughts exactly" Joanna said as Katie watched her thinking and knew she was concocting a wild plan for them. "Me and you old friend are going out tonight" Joanna said, wrapping her arms around Katie's neck, "and before this night's over, I'm gonna get your hot little ass in bed."
"You?re a slut" Katie said as Joanna giggled and replied, "Listen dirty mind, just because I mentioned bed, don't mean I automatically wanna fuck you."
"Yeh right" Katie said, doing her best stripper pose and asking, "Are you telling me, you don't wanna get with this?"
"MMMMMM baby yes I do" Joanna said, wrapping her arms around Katie's waist and kissing her chin playfully. "Let's go right now, you offered."
"Yeh I sure did" Katie said, taking Joanna's face in her hands and smiling at her. A loud creaking noise rang out as Kevin came out the screen door onto the front porch.
"Geez you two get a room" Kevin said as Joanna shot him a teasing smile.
"What's wrong Kevbo, can't stand to see your little sister in another girls arms?" Joanna asked as Kevin took a seat in the swing and opened the novel he was currently reading to the page he had marked with his finger.
"I got no problem seeing Katie with a girl" Kevin said nonchalantly, "nor do I have a problem seeing her with you."
"BITE ME KEVIN SINGER YOU JERK" Joanna said as he laughed, she came over and delivered a loud sounding smack to his leg as Katie hid her smile and watched Joanna stomp off the porch and down the walk.
"Kevin that was mean, you know she's always been sensitive about her body" Katie said running around her.
"WAIT" Katie said, catching up with her three houses down the block. "He was kidding Jo, you know that."
"FUCK HIM" She screamed. "Why does he always do that, say the one thing that he knows will hurt me."
"You started it" Katie said as Joanna shot her an evil look.
"I never mentioned anything I knew would hurt his feelings" Joanna pointed out. "Although I could."
"You know I think you?re sexy" Katie said, hugging her gently from behind, "I do really."
"So you really do like guys huh?" Joanna asked as Katie laughed.
"No" Katie replied, laying her head on Joanna's shoulder and giving her a goofy grin.
"Is that why we never went out?" Joanna asked, "You?re just not attracted to me?"
"No" Katie said, turning Joanna around and putting her arms around her neck. "Us not going out has nothing to do with that."
"Because we're always in different places" Katie said, "Either you got a girlfriend or I do and besides, you?re too much trouble."
"Huh..If I didn't get you in trouble, you'd be a nun by now" Joanna said giggling.
"See you are" Katie said, walking away back towards the house.
"Yeh but in my defense..." Joanna said as Katie turned and waited for her to continue, "...ummmmmmmmm, in my defense....you can't honestly say you didn't have fun some of those times."
"Good point" Katie said giggling as Joanna took her hand and they walked back towards the house.
The look on Katie's face changed from one of a smile to mild surprise as she saw Grace's car come to a quick stop by the curb a few feet from Katie's driveway. Her look became even more exaggerated when she saw Jessie pop out. "Jessie?" Katie asked smiling excitedly as Jessie stopped dead in her tracks and focused on Katie's holding Joanna's hand. Following Jessie's eyes, Katie realized what she was glaring at and quickly dropped it as she stepped in front of Joanna. "What are you doing here?"
"So this is the famous Jessie Sammler?" Joanna asked, stepping back alongside Katie and smiling and looking at Katie, "Damn girl, I see why you flipped over her."
"I came to see you" Jessie said, "but looks like I wasted my time."
"Why?" Katie asked in a panicking voice.
"Looks like to me you're doing just fine" Jessie said as Katie realized she had mistaken the hand holding for something else.
"Wait just a minute" Joanna said seemingly reading both of their minds. "We're old friends from long before you two even met, nothing less and nothing more. So don't get your thong in a bunch." Jessie stood almost in shock at what she had just heard and watched Joanna push past her and take a seat in Grace's car.
"Hi, I'm Joanna Christenson, whatta ya say we take a ride and give these two a chance to finish fighting" Joanna said with a smirk as she closed the door to Grace's car. A few seconds of conversation and the car pulled out and drove off down the street.
"Who is that?" Jessie asked as Katie smiled brightly.
"Joanna Christenson" Katie said, watching the car roll out of sight. "And she was right it was innocent, and I'm glad your here."
"I had to talk to you, cause it was apparent you were never gonna call me" Jessie said.
"I didn't call because I didn't think you wanted to talk to me" Katie said defensively.
"You could have tried" Jessie said glaring.
"You could have too" Katie snapped, "Cause if you remember I didn't start this stupid fight, you did."
"I did not" Jessie said.
"Oh I suppose it's all my fault?" Katie asked, "You started it when I was goofing with Sarah and Grace and you threw that stupid tantrum."
"Ok fine I did start it" Jessie said, throwing her hands up and turning her back, fighting her anger, trying hard not to say anything in anger and then in a much quieter voice said. "I didn't come over here to fight."
"Then why did you come?" Katie asked with a trace of bitterness in her voice.
"Cause we need to talk not fight" Jessie said turning back around, "Ya think we can do that?"
"Whatta ya wanna talk about?" Katie asked, shoving her hands inside her pockets.
"Mistakes" Jessie said, looking at a blade of grass she was kicking with her foot. "My mistakes."
"Go ahead I'm listening....really" Katie said, turning towards the house and hoping Jessie would follow.
"I'm sure Grace has explained all about the times we kissed and everything...." Jessie started.
"Nope never came up" Katie said, "Besides I didn't wanna hear it from her, I wanted you to tell me."
"Ok here goes....the first time it was so dumb" Jessie said, "me and Grace were having this whole conversation about her and Eli's last date and the way she felt about...."
"Grace and Eli went out on a date?" Katie asked as Jessie gave her a strange look and replied, "Of course they did, don't you remember it? We went along."
"How could I forget that...god I'm dumb" Katie said, putting her hands over her mouth as Jessie giggled. "That was like the first time you said you loved me...in front of anyone."
"Yeh cause Eli forced me to" Jessie said with a smirk and hoped Katie would catch the joke. "But I was dying to tell someone anyway."
"I guess I sorta blocked the rest of the night out and just zeroed in on that one moment" Katie said, smiling as both realized they were now well past Katie's house.
"Well back to what I was saying...that kiss" Jessie said as the smile disappeared from Katie's face. "Well that was after their second date, when they went to the park and Eli pulled a stupid stunt where he went and played basketball for like an hour. And she slapped him and she came home crying. Well we talked for a while and she was really confused and crying and I hugged or something and it just......just happened. It didn't mean a thing."
"Well then why didn't you tell me about it?" Katie asked pointedly as she stopped, turned, and looked at Jessie.
"Because I didn't want ya to freak over something that meant nothing" Jessie said, stinging Katie's ego.
"What about the second kiss?" Katie asked as Jessie thought she might say something about her last comment but figured if Katie didn't mention it, she'd just move on.
"The night you came to see me like 2 in the morning in the pouring rain" Jessie said, "After you left, we kissed at the bottom of the stairs."
"You acted so happy that I came to see you that night" Katie said, "and not ten minutes after I leave you?re kissing another girl. Geeeeezzz Billie, do you know how bad that hurts?"
"Yeh I know it does" Jessie said, fighting back tears as was Katie as that moment. "Do you wanna know why I did it?"
"Sure" Katie said, shrugging her shoulders.
"Because of you!"
"You kissed another girl and suddenly it's my fault....." Katie said, feeling her mouth being covered by Jessie's hand.
"I didn't say it was your fault" Jessie said, holding her hand tighter, "I said it was because of you. Now you wanna let me explain?"
Katie nodded her head and Jessie giggled, "Ok this is really stupid, but I was floating on cloud nine after you left. Ask Grace. So anyway, when Grace came up to get me when you got there, I was sleeping and you know what I sleep in."
"Yeh buck naked" Katie said, moving Jessie?s hand away just long enough to say that and placing it again over her mouth. Jessie rolled her eyes and went on.
"Anyway I reached for my shorts and she got a glimpse of my butt, but she wasn't gawking at me" Jessie started, "just one of those dumb weird moments. Well....long story short, I told her I knew and we got into this dumb conversation and I flashed her."
"You flashed your step sister?" Katie asked as Jessie couldn't help but laugh.
"Yeh and she said something that just blew my mind" Jessie said, "She said my body was perfect and she was serious. I mean really serious. So already being on cloud nine from your visit and then what she said. I just did it. It didn't mean anything though."
"If she had said that to me, I might have kissed her to." Katie said as Jessie breathed a sigh of relief.
"I wouldn't get mad if you did" Jessie said, nudging her as Katie pushed her back, "I mean I did, so I figure you got two coming."
"She is cute and I did have a crush on her at one time" Katie said as Jessie grabbed her arm stopping her asking, "Are you serious?"
"Yeh" Katie said, playing coy as she walked off.
"Maybe I don't wanna tell you" Katie said as Jessie grabbed her arm again and said, "I told you everything, now you gotta tell me....please?"
"It was last fall in Mr. Dimitri's class" Katie said as she rolled her eyes at Jessie's pleading. "Who do you think I was gawking at when I met you? Grace is the reason I wanted in his class so bad."
"And then...." Jessie said before Katie cut her off.
"Then I saw you and it was like Grace who?" Katie said as Jessie smiled.
"Do you still like her?" Jessie asked teasingly.
"Wouldn't matter anyway, she's in love with a capital L with Sarah" Katie said.
"Yeh and you?re in love with me" Jessie said, sticking her tongue out as Katie playfully grabbed at it.
"That's true" Katie said. "But that doesn't change the fact that deep down you wanna be single."
"Yeh right" Jessie said and then realized Katie was being totally serious. "You?re serious aren't you?"
"Jessie listen" Katie said, covering Jessie's mouth with her hand this time. "I'm older then you, I been out a lot longer and I have a lot more experience. And I know a few things. Like.... I know us sleeping together happened too soon. I ruined the one thing I loved about you most, your innocence."
"What?" Jessie asked in total confusion.
"Me and you weren't ready to start sleeping together" Katie said, "And after it, you completely changed, well not completely, but you changed. And that's my fault."
"I made the decision to sleep with.... I mean, make love to you" Jessie said.
"Yeh and we should have waited" Katie said, "Cause if we hadn't, the whole Cori thing would have never happened."
"You?re babbling....what are you trying to say?" Jessie asked.
"I'm saying...." Katie said, taking a deep breath, "We're at different places in our lives. I'm ready to be in a committed relationship I think and I'm sure you?re not."
"I told you the Grace thing was a dumb mistake" Jessie said.
"And I believe you" Katie said simply.
"Then why are you trying to break up with me" Jessie asked angrily.
"Cause I want you to have a chance to find yourself and have fun without being tied down" Katie said.
"I wanna be tied down" Jessie said pleadingly, "I wanna be with you. What part of that don't you get?"
"Ok great" Katie said softly, doing her best to fight back the tears. "When you?re ready to be with me, and you don't think of it as being tied down, then call me."
"That was a figure of speech" Jessie said, the tears coming from her eyes. "This is about that Joanna girl isn't it, you?re in love with her?"
"NOOOOOO" Katie said with a shocked expression, "This is about us and only us, I'm not in love with anyone but you Billie, no one. And I don't wanna be with anyone but you"
"And I don't wanna be with anyone else" Jessie said through her tears, "I wanna be with you. I'm in love with you."
"And I love you too" Katie said, taking Jessie?s face in her hands, "but I can't be with you right now. Cause you?re not ready. It took me so long to realize that, but now I know. You need to be free to spread your wings and fly for a while. So I'm gonna let you."
"THIS IS STUPID" Jessie said, crying now in large sobs as Katie held her face gently and began to cry herself. "You love me and I love you, and we can't be together cause you think I wanna be free? I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH."
"And I love you" Katie said gently and followed it with a tender kiss. She seemed to be thinking hard about something before touching Jessie's face one more time and covering her mouth, she turned and ran away still crying. Jessie felt her heart literally breaking as she crumbled to the ground and cried as hard as she could, sitting on the curb. Hoping for a brief moment that a car would come by and just finish her, but knowing deep deep down that somehow she would end up back in Katie's arms one day. She heard a car stop and two doors opened and two doors slammed. Without even bothering to look up, she knew it was Grace and Joanna. They had been giggling and had apparently become fast friends, Jessie thought. But all that stopped when they saw Jessie sitting on the curb crying into her hands. Grace sat down beside her and made Jessie tell her what happened. Joanna leaned down for a moment and listened to the details as did Grace, before she too teared up. She excused herself and ran off after Katie as Grace wrapped both her arms around Jessie and held her. She finally convinced her to get in the car, as bad as Jessie hated to move, she did anyway. A few minutes later they finally pulled away from the curb and slowly drove away.
To be Continued....