Date: Wed, 21 Feb 2001 22:33:54 From: Erin Chalmers Subject: Secret Emotion-Chapter3 I'm hopefully gonna send in the next few chapters pretty fast because they're already written. I just have a problem with over-editing and trying to make things as good as possible. I'm trying not to look into it too much. So everyone tell me what you think!!! Disclaimer: (I hate doing this it's so pointless) I don't own N Sync, I don't know them and I'm making all of this up from my own brilliant imagination. Chapter Three "What the fuck..." Sara said as she steadied herself, grabbing Christina's hand. "This so isn't happening," Lance said. "Is there some sort of emergency button?" Chris asked. "Well, I'm sure there is, but I can't see anything, because it's pitch black!" Sara replied. "Calm down everyone, when they realize we're late they'll eventually figure it out," Lance said, "It just might take awhile." "Not a problem for me," Christina replied, "I can think of plenty of good things to do in the dark." Christina leaned forward and started to kiss Sara. "As if!" Joey exclaimed, "Lesbian action and I can't even see it!" Sara pulled away and smacked who she thought was Joey on the head. "Ow!" Lance yelled. "Oops," Sara said. While everyone else was having various arguments, JC was getting worried about Justin. As long as they had known eachother, Justin had been extremely claustraphobic. He panicked when he was in small spaces. JC could hear Justin's breathing pick up. "Just?" he whispered, "are you okay?" Without thinking about it Justin turned around, grabbed JC's hand and buried his head against JC's shoulder. JC was a bit surprised, but quickly started rubbing Justin's back with his other hand. "Shhh, you'll be fine," JC whispered, "I'm right here." Justin was trying to take deep breaths against JC's shoulder. He was trying not to panic and he knew he was probably squeezing JC's hand a little too hard. "Josh?" Justin asked quietly. "Yeah?" JC said, shivering from the feel of Justin's warm breath on his neck. "I'm scared." "I know," JC replied, "but we're gonna be fine." "What if the air runs out?" Justin asked. "That's not gonna happen Justin," JC told him. "How do you know?" Justin asked. "Because I do. I wouldn't lie to you," JC whispered. Justin let go of JC's hand and put his arms around his neck. "Hold me and don't let go," Justin said, his voice sounding more and more panicked. JC was really surprised this time. But he wasn't about to deny Justin anything. He wrapped his arms around Justin's waist and pulled him as close as possible. He breathed in the scent of his soft curly hair. He couldn't remember a time when he felt as comfortable and right as he did then. It would have been perfect if he wasn't so worried about Justin. He felt a knot in his stomach, knowing that Justin was upset. It had always been like that. JC couldn't be happy unless Justin was. "Josh?" Justin whispered again. "Yeah?" JC asked. "Sing to me," Justin replied. JC inhaled deeply. He was suddenly aware that his eyes had become adjusted to the dark. While he still couldn't see cearly, he could make out the shapes of everyone in the elevator. That meant that they could see him and Justin as well. He also realized that nobody else was talking anymore and they were all staring at him. "What did you say?" JC asked Justin, wanting to be sure he heard correctly. "Sing something to me. Calm me down," Justin said. JC was completely taken aback. He felt extremely self conscious knowing that everyone was watching and listening. But he would do anything for Justin and no matter how much it embarrassed him, he'd make Justin feel even the slightest bit better if he had the power to do so. "What do you want me to sing?" JC asked. "I don't care," Justin replied, pulling JC closer. "Okay," JC said He closed his eyes and tried to ignore the deafening silence that filled the tiny room. He knew everyone was waiting to see what he'd do. He took a deep breath and then began to sing, his voice becoming stronger as the song continued. He picked a favourite of Justin's, "Open Arms" by Journey. "Lying beside you, here in the dark feeling your heart beat with mine softly you whisper, you're so sincere how could our love be so blind We sailed on together we drifted apart and here you are by my side So now I come to you, with open arms nothing to hide, believe what I say so here I am with open arms hoping you'll see what your love means to me open arms... Living without you, living alone this empty house seems so cold wanting to hold you, wanting you near how much I wanted you home But now that you've come back turned night into day I need you to stay So now I come to you, with open arms nothing to hide, believe what I say so here I am, with open arms hoping you'll see what your love means to me... Open arms" JC finished off and felt Justin relax in his arms. Sara and Christina both smiled knowing smiles in the dark. All of a sudden the lights came on and the elevator started moving. Justin quickly pulled back from JC. They stared into eachothers eyes for a minute, two pools of blue melting into one. They both knew something had happened between them, but neither knew what it meant or felt confident enough to address it. "Thank God!" Chris said, wanting to get out of the elevator. "Man, I was starting to wonder what would've happened when one of us had to piss!" Joey exclaimed. Justin, suddenly embarrassed, could feel his face turning a deep shade of crimson. When the elevator doors opened, he was the first to walk out, quickly marching to the vans. Christina and Sara followed him, chattering about some gossip or another, and Joey and Chris, evidently feeling much better, play fought all the way outside. Lance started to follow the others, but stopped when he realized JC wasn't beside him. He turned to see JC standing in the elevator, staring off into space. "JC?" Lance said softly. JC snapped out of his daze and looked at Lance. Lance was surprised to see traces of hurt in JC's eyes. "Are you okay?" Lance asked. "Yeah, I'm fine," JC replied. "Okay, then we should get going," JC just nodded and walked past Lance, out to the front of the hotel. Lance sighed and followed JC. When they got outside everyone was standing around waiting for them beside two large black vans. They had met up with their tour manager, Bill, who was a nice enough guy, but had a tendency to get stressed out very quickly. "Is everyone here?" asked Bill. "I think so," Lance replied. "Okay then, divide yourselves up and let's get moving, we're late as it is," Bill said. JC looked over at Justin and Justin quickly looked away. Christina and Sara got into one van and JC decided to follow. Without even looking at them Justin walked over to the other van and hopped in. That's when JC knew something was seriously wrong. Him and Justin always rode together. It was just a rule or something. That was how it always was. Lance looked back and forth between JC and Justin and shrugged. He didn't want to butt into their problems. He hopped into the van beside JC. Chris, Joey and Bill got into Justin's van. *** The rehearsal wasn't going well at all. Justin kept missing steps and JC, although he was performing everything perfectly, was lacking any sort of spunk. It was obvious to anyone watching that he was just going through the motions, and not getting the enjoyment out of it that he usually did. Darren, the choreographer, was becoming exasperated. Awhile ago all the dances had been close to perfect, and now everything seemed to be falling apart. Sara and Christina were sitting on chairs watching the guys. "This is bad," Sara said. "Yeah, I know," Christina replied. Justin couldn't concentrate. He kept thinking about how he threw his arms around JC. It had been an instinct and at the time it had made the fear go away. And then he had just gotten the urge to hear JC's smooth voice. He knew JC would do anything for him. It had always been like that. JC protected Justin. But now it was embarrassing. Not the fact that he had shown fear in front of JC. That wasn't a big deal, JC knew everything about Justin anyway. It was just how he had asked JC to hold him. How he had just grabbed his hand and thrown his arms around his neck. He hadn't meant to do it. Now he was wondering what JC thought. Could he tell how Justin felt about him? Did he suspect something? There was another thing, too. Another reason why he couldn't look JC in the eyes just yet. Justin had been so close, felt a fraction of the things he'd been dreaming about and it was so good. It made him realize just how much he wanted JC, how much he loved him. Justin had to wait a bit. He had to wait for the impact to die down. He knew that he would feel too much emotion if he talked to JC now, or even looked into his gorgeous blue eyes. But not talking to JC was one thing. Not thinking about him was another. He knew he was screwing up and he knew everyone could see that something was up with him. He kept remembering JC's strong arms holding him, and how good his warm body felt against his own. He kept hearing JC's voice, the most beautiful sound on earth, floating around him, enveloping him in it's safety. They had been so close that Justin was sure JC could feel his heart pounding in his chest. "Ouch!" A voice interrupted Justin's thoughts as he accidentally stepped on Lance's toe. Justin stopped, concerned about his friend. The other guys hadn't noticed and pretty soon JC came barreling into Justin. Lance quickly got out of the way, but Justin went tumbling to the ground and JC landed right on top of him. "Sorry," JC mumbled. Justin looked straight up into JC's eyes. And then he lost it. His lower lip started to tremble and tears began to well up in the corners of his eyes. He looked away as fast as possible and pushed JC off of him. He scrambled up and ran out of the door, looking for a restroom. JC pulled himself up to a sitting position and began to follow Justin. When he got to the door Christina put a hand on his chest to stop him. "I think I should go, JC" Christina said. "But..." JC started, looking to Sara. "She's right," Sara said, "Whatever he's upset about you didn't seem to help it." JC nodded and looked down. Christina ran out the door and went to look for Justin. When she rounded the corner she found a men's restroom. She opened the door a bit and yelled inside. "Hello? Is anybody in here?" Christina asked. There was no answer. "Justin?" Christina heard a sniffle and decided to go inside. She found a row of six stalls on her right and four sinks and two urinals on her left. She pushed the door to every stall open and found no one until she got to the last one and it wouldn't open. "Justin, I know you're in there," she said. "Go away," Justin replied. "No, Justin, I'm not going anywhere until you come out and talk to me." "Christina, leave me alone!" Justin said. "I really hope you don't think I'm going to listen to you. Get your butt out here right now and tell me what's bothering you!" she replied. Christina heard some movement, and then the door slowly opened, revealing Justin's tear stained face. "Is it just you?" he asked shyly. "Yeah, honey, it's only me," Christina replied softly. She felt bad for him because he was a total mess. Justin slowly stepped out of the stall and went over to a mirror. "I look like shit!" he said, after surveying his reflection for a bit. Christina just smiled and grabbed a wad of toilet paper out of the stall that Justin had been holed up in. She walked over to him and began to gently wipe the tears off his face. "What's going on, Justin?" she asked. "I don't wanna talk about it," Justin said, looking away. "It's JC isn't it?" "Maybe," Justin replied, sounding defensive. "I'm not leaving you alone until you spit it out," Christina told him. "I made a fool out of myself!" Justin suddenly exclaimed, "and there's no way he doesn't suspect something now!" "Are you talking about in the elevator?" "What else would I be talking about? I'm so stupid!" Justin said, rubbing his temples. Christina walked over and put a hand on Justin's back. "You didn't make a fool out of yourself, Justin. It's not a big deal. You know JC didn't mind it. He loves you," she said, trying to console him. "He doesn't love me the way I want him to," Justin said. "Hello?" a masculine voice said from the hallway, "Just? Are you in here?" Justin's eyes went wide. He looked at Christina. She just smiled. "Yeah, JC, we're in here," she said. Justin gave her a mean glare. "Um, is everything okay?" JC asked. Christina just smiled at Justin again. Then she walked to the door and opened it. JC came in and saw Justin's face, fresh from crying. Seeing JC made a new batch of tears spring up in Justin's eyes. "Justin, are you okay?" JC asked, concerned. He wanted to take Justin in his arms and tell him everything would be okay. But he didn't want to scare him. Justin took one look at JC and ran back into the bathroom stall. JC threw his hands up, exasperated. "He doesn't want to talk to me," JC said to Christina as he started to leave. "JC, he does want to talk to you. I know he does. He's just..." Christina started. "He's just what?" JC asked, "I don't get this." Christina pulled JC back out into the hall. "He will talk to you, you just have to be persistent! I'm gonna leave you two alone. Just try anything." Christina told JC. Then she turned around and went back to the rehearsal studio. JC sighed and walked back into the bathroom. He walked down to the stall that Justin was in and knocked on the door. "Justin, this is stupid. Are we just gonna keep running away from eachother and hiding out in bathrooms?" he asked. Justin let out a giggle despite himself. "Don't think I didn't hear that Justin Timberlake!" JC said. Justin slapped a hand over his mouth. It wasn't that he was trying to be difficult, it was just that he knew he couldn't control himself when him and JC were face to face. It was much easier to laugh at JC's jokes when he couldn't see him. "Justin, just come out! I don't know why you're mad at me!" JC said, exasperated. Justin's eyes widened. Did JC really think he was mad at him? Because that couldn't be further from the truth. Suddenly he realized that JC had every right to think he was mad. Obviously JC didn't suspect that Justin had feelings for him, or he wouldn't be in that bathroom, coaxing him to come out. I'm so stupid, Justin thought to himself, No wonder he thinks I'm mad at him, he has no idea what's going on! Justin quickly opened the door to the stall, not realizing JC was standing so close. The corner of the door hit JC on the forehead, causing him to stagger back a bit. "Ouch!" JC exclaimed. Justin quickly went over to him and cupped his face in his hands. JC's eyes were tightly shut. "Oh my God, JC I'm so sorry! I can't believe I did that!" he said. "You could have given me some warning, Justin," JC told him. "I know, I'm so stupid, I can't believe I did that. I'm sorry, Josh, don't be mad!" Justin said on the verge of tears. He couldn't believe he had hurt JC. "It's okay, Justin, it's just a little cut. It isn't the end of the world," Justin went over to a sink and wet a paper towel. He turned back to JC and found himself staring into his eyes. Justin was immediately lost. He felt his knees go weak and his stomach was doing flip flops. The worst part of it was that he could see the worry in JC's eyes. And he knew he put the worry there. "Just," JC whispered softly. "Yeah?" Justin whispered back. "Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. I wanna know what's going on with you. After last night, you should know how it feels when your best friend won't tell you what's wrong," JC said. Justin just started to wipe away the small trickle of blood on JC's forehead. JC grabbed his arm and took the paper towel and threw it in the garbage. "Justin..." he warned. Justin looked at JC. Obviously he couldn't say what was really wrong. But he could tell a little white lie. "It's just that this morning in the elevator..." he began. JC began to worry. Did Justin know how he felt about him? Could he tell what JC was thinking when he sang to him? Maybe Justin could hear the emotion in the song. "Go on," JC said. "I'm just embarrassed!" Justin said. JC breathed a sigh of relief. "What are you embarrassed about?" "That I'm such a baby. That I ran to you like I was two years old. That I made you sing," Justin replied. JC smiled. "Don't be embarrassed," he said, "that was a natural reaction. Everyone knows you're claustraphobic. And I don't mind comforting you. What are friends for? You know I'd walk from here to China with a 600 pound woman on my back if it would make you happy." Justin laughed. "I'm sorry. That was really stupid of me. I just kind of lost it for a minute," he said. "Okay then," JC replied, "we should get back to rehearsal." "Are you sure your head is alright?" Justin asked. JC nodded and the two of them walked back to the rehearsal studio. When they entered everyone was looking at them. "Everything okay?" Sara asked. "Yeah, it was just a misunderstanding," JC replied. Darren walked over to where Sara and JC were standing. "I think we'd better call it a day," he said. "Are you sure?" Justin asked, "cuz I'm really sorry about before. I know we can do a better job!" "No, don't worry about it," Darren replied, "I know you had stuff on your mind. Plus Christina's dancers are gonna be here in awhile and I wanna work with them." "Do I get the rest of the day off, too?" Christina pouted. "Christina!" Darren said, "You haven't even done anything yet!" "Yeah, I know, I just wanted to see if I could get away with it!" Everyone laughed at Christina and Sara gave her a quick peck on the cheek when Darren wasn't looking. "So what do you guys wanna do?" Lance asked. "Sleep!" Joey and Chris said at the same time. They were both tired and a bit hung-over. "Okay, how about you two?" Lance asked Justin and JC. "Ummm, I don't really care," Justin said, "I'll do whatever JC wants to do." JC smiled. He liked it when Justin singled him out. "Okay, well why don't we all go back to the hotel and shower and stuff and whoever wants to do something, meet in my room in an hour," JC said. "Hey Sara, are you gonna stick around here, or are you coming back with us?" Lance asked. Sara glanced over at Christina. "You don't have to stay," Christina said, "It'll be boring cuz you'll have no one to talk to. And we spent the whole morning together." "Are you sure?" Sara asked. "Yeah, go for it!" Christina replied, smiling. "Okay, I guess we'll catch up with you when you get back," Sara said. The two girls hugged because they knew that was all they could get away with in front of Darren. "I love you," Sara whispered into Christina's ear. "I love you, too," Christina whispered back. Justin, JC, Chris, Joey, Lance and Sara all went out to the parking lot. They managed to squish into one of the vans, but it was a tight fit. JC was happy when Justin hopped into the van and sat beside him. Everyone was tired and within a few minutes Joey, Chris and Justin were sound asleep. Justin had let his head fall onto JC's shoulder and had a smile on his face. JC couldn't help noticing how adorable he was. Sara was sitting in the seat in front of JC and Justin, but she could see them in the rear-view mirror. They made such a cute couple. Sara really wanted JC to find somebody. He had always been a hopeless romantic and the only thing he needed to make his life complete was to find his one true love. She knew how JC felt about Justin and it scared her. She didn't want JC to live his whole life wanting someone he couldn't have. Although lately, Justin had been acting differently toward JC. If she didn't know better, she would have thought he was flirting.