Date: Mon, 19 Mar 2001 06:03:04 From: Erin Chalmers Subject: Secret Emotion-chapter 7 Well here it is. I know this one took awhile, but I wasn't completely sure where I wanted to go with it. I've moved, so I hope nobody had trouble finding the story. Thanks to Jeff, Tina, nobody, L.D., Dusty, Amber and Aubree for saying such nice things about my writing. You guys should stop before I get a big head! Extra thanks and Happy Birthday to Aaron (I know it's late, but the super cool card should make up for it) and a special thank you to Mike for sending me the nicest e-mail ever and helping me get rid of my writer's block. Without him this chapter might STILL not be written and you'd all be in even bigger suspense than before! I hope you all enjoy it! Disclaimer: I don't know 'N Sync, this is complete fiction. Read at your own risk. Chapter 7 "I wish I was a cat!" Chris proclaimed loudly. "What?" Joey asked. Sara, Christina and all the guys had congregated on the balcony of Sara and Christina's hotel room. They were watching the sun set on the last peaceful day they would have in a long time. The tour was due to start in three days, which meant tons of last minute practicing before a whirlwind of screaming fans, high energy performances and bus life. Christina was sitting on Sara's lap in a chair. Lance was beside them on the ground, Joey and Chris were sitting on a small wicker bench, and JC was stretched out against the wall. Justin was laying on the ground with his head in JC's lap. JC and Justin had spent the day by the pool in the hotel, with nobody around to bother them. It had been a perfect way for both of them to spend their last day off. "I wish I was a cat!" Chris repeated. "But why?" Lance asked. "Cuz cats don't do anything," Chris replied, "I don't think there's any cat in this world who's about to embark on a very looooong US tour." "Hey, you never know," JC said. "Yeah," Justin piped in, "what about, like, Peppy the singing cat?" "Justin, there's no such thing as Peppy the singing cat," Lance said. "I know," Justin replied, "I'm just saying there could be some sort of cat like that. Like, maybe his name isn't Peppy. It could be...Humperdink!" "Humperdink the singing cat?" Lance asked. "Oh, shut up, you know what I mean!" Justin said. "Hey, what about the Jingle Cats?" JC said. "The what?" Joey asked. "You know those cats who sing Christmas songs?" JC said. "Uh, JC, cats can't sing," Joey said. "I know," JC replied, "they don't really sing, they just kind of meow to the tune of it. Never mind, they probably don't go on tour anyway." "What on earth are you guys talking about?" Christina finally said. "Musical cats," Chris replied, "It was my ingenious idea, thank you very much." "You guys do realize you just had an in depth conversation about cats going on tour, don't you?" Sara asked them. "Yeah," Joey said. "So what?" Justin asked. Sara and Christina looked at eachother. "Never mind," they both said at once. "We should probably go to bed," Lance said, "The next few days are gonna be really busy." "Good idea," JC said, "I'm getting tired anyway." Everyone got up and said their goodbyes to Sara and Christina. After Sara closed the door she turned to Christina, who looked deep in thought. "What's up?" Sara asked. "Nothing. I'm just thinking," Christina replied. "About what?" Sara asked. "Justin and JC." "I feel like we should do something." "I know." "So let's make a devious, evil plot," Sara said. "Okay," Christina replied, "Have any ideas?" "No, not really. We could just tell them to stop being idiots and get a clue," Sara said. "Definitely not one of your brighter ideas," Christina said. "There has to be some way we can get them to admit how they feel to eachother," Sara said. "We could get them drunk!" Christina said. Sara just shot her a disapproving look. "Okay, no, that would be wrong," Christina said. "Maybe I could be having a conversation with JC about Justin, and then you and Justin could accidentally on purpose walk in," Sara said. Christina thought about it for awhile. "I just wouldn't feel right doing that. I don't want to trick them, I want them to tell eachother on their own, when they're ready," she said. "I know," Sara replied, "I guess we'll just have to go on encouraging them, and hoping they'll suddenly grow eyes." *** *THREE DAYS LATER* Everyone was backstage at the very first concert on the big tour. Excitement was running high and everyone was buzzing with energy. The first day was extremely important. If it went badly it could throw off the whole tour. Of course there would be a few glitches that would need some fixing up, but generally the show had to be a success. Chris, Joey and Justin had been bouncing off the walls all day. The three of them tended to deal with nervousness by being extra loud and obnoxious. JC and Lance, on the other hand, usually tensed up and stayed pretty quiet. The five guys were in their "quiet room" trying to mentally prepare themselves for the show. They were all feeling the pressure and for the first time since the last tour ended, their clashing personalities didn't seem to fit in one room. "I just want it to start already! I can't stand waiting!" Justin said, bouncing up and down in one spot. "Just take some deep breaths, Justin, you're making me more nervous than I already am," JC replied from his cross legged position on the floor. He had his eyes closed and was trying to hold his hands tightly at his sides so that they would stop shaking. Chris was sprawled out on a couch, the tenth position he had taken up in the last minute and a half. "I'm with Justin. Christina's taking too long. We should've performed first, then she'd be the one sitting here and waiting for us to finish," he said. Lance, standing in the corner of the room, just rolled his eyes at Chris. He was used to the way his band mates reacted to nervousness. He had learned to just let everyone deal in their own ways and concentrate on getting the butterflies out of his own stomach. Suddenly there were three loud knocks at the door. Joey broke his seemingly endless pattern of wall-to-wall pacing to answer it. "Christina's off," said a stern looking man with a small black head-set. Joey just nodded weakly as he felt his stomach do flip-flops. Then he closed the door and turned to face his friends. "Okay," he said, "let's do it!" Suddenly the nervousness was replaced with a fevered excitement. Everyone jumped up as they felt a rush of energy zip through their bodies. This was what they lived for, the bright lights, the screams, singing and dancing in front of thousands of people. One by one they filed out of the room and practically ran toward the deafening sound of their screaming fans. When they reached the wings of the stage where they would eventually emerge, they stopped to perform their before concert ritual. Ever since the very first time they had performed together, they had done the same thing. They would stand in a circle, pull out a hackey sac, and kick it around. It had to touch every single member without dropping before they went onstage. It didn't matter how long it took. They had never performed a concert without completeing the circuit. This tour wouldn't be any different. It took a few tries, but eventually they got it. Lance was a bit clumsy, and his nervousness always aggravated his co-ordination problems. He missed the hackey sac three times before he found his rythm. It was smooth sailing after that. "Okay guys," JC, "this is it. Good luck everyone." They all hugged eachother individually before throwing themselves into a big group hug. Single file, they walked toward the harnasses where they would be strapped in and hoisted high above the crowd to make their entrance. *** The concert was a success. Besides a few missed steps and shaky high notes, it was flawless. The fans loved it, and even the most bitter music critic couldn't deny the fact that it was an amazing show. The guys had been quickly rushed back to the hotel, tired, but in high spirits. This would be their last night in New York. In the morning they would move all their stuff onto the tour bus they'd be calling home in the coming months. But they could worry about that later. Right now there was a party to get ready for and Justin was on cloud nine. The concert went better than he could have hoped, and for the past three days he had been spending all of his time with JC. He didn't know what it was, but things between them were just...different. Different in a good way. He didn't want to analyze anything or get his hopes up. He was just enjoying the way things were and he was happier than he had been in a very long time. Justin quickly took a shower and dried off. He stood in front of his bathroom mirror in a fluffy, white hotel towel and looked at himself. He wanted to look good tonight, to show off the glow of contentment that had suddenly appeared on his face. He grabbed his blow dryer and fixed his hair so that nothing was out of place.. When he was finished with that he left the bathroom to search for the perfect outfit to match his perfect hair. It was funny how he had fallen into a habit of looking for clothes that he thought JC would like. It was almost unconscious. The simple brown suede pants and white t-shirt that he chose for the party was an outfit that he had picked out when shopping with JC, so he knew he'd approve of it. He threw on a pair of black boots and a dark denim jacket to complete the ensemble. With one last look in the mirror he opened his door and walked the short distance across the hall to JC's room. He knocked softly two times and JC opened the door. Justin smiled. JC was dressed casually in a pair of jeans and a blue sweater that perfectly matched the blue of his eyes. "You look nice," Justin said. "You too," JC replied as he stepped into the hall and closed his door. Justin blushed when he realized that he had probably had that same exchange of words with plenty of his dates in the past. In fact, the whole situation seemed like it was more than just two friends going to a party together. That was when Justin forgot that he wasn't going to read into the changes in his and JC's relationship. Suddenly everything was too good for him to deny. The little ways that JC touched him, the looks he would give, the way he would smile at Justin as if they had a secret that nobody knew. JC wasn't like that with any of the other guys. Maybe, just maybe, JC would finally be able to return Justin's feelings. JC started walking down the hall and Justin followed, unable to stop himself from sneaking a peek at JC's butt, which looked amazing in his just tight enough jeans. If Justin was in high spirits before, now he was walking on air. It's amazing what even the smallest glimmer of hope can do for a person. "Are we supposed to meet everyone else?" Justin asked. "No, I'm pretty sure everyone's already at the party. We'll just be fashionably late," JC replied. "I'm cool with that," Justin said. The two of them made their way downstairs to the very large banquet hall in their hotel. It was decorated beautifully and it was full of people. It seemed like everyone involved with the tour had shown up. All of the crew was there, and the management, too. There were various tables overflowing with food and music was pumping out of the sound system. "Wow," JC said. "Yeah," Justin replied. JC was in awe. Everything was just so...perfect. Almost too good to be true. He knew this tour would be amazing and it would probably change their lives more than any of them were expecting. JC just hoped they were ready for it. "Hey guys," Chris said, approaching them, "It's about time you showed up!" "Sorry, you know how long it takes for Justin to make himself pretty," JC replied. "Hey!" Justin said, punching JC on the arm, "I was ready before you were!" JC and Chris just laughed at him. "Where are Lance and Joey?" JC asked Chris. "Well, Lance is talking business with some boring guys in suits over there, and Joey is flirting with some blond bimbo. I don't even know who she is, I think she might have snuck in," Chris said. "Look who decided to show up!" came a voice from behind the guys. They spun around to face Christina, with Sara not far behind. Justin and JC quickly hugged the girls. "How did the concert go, Chrissy? We didn't get a chance to take a peek, but I heard you were awesome!" Justin said. "It was good! I've missed performing. I saw you guys from the TV in my dressing room. I feel kind of like a proud mother." "Christina, if you were my mother I'd shoot myself!" Chris said. Christina just turned to him and smiled with her hands on her hips. "If you wanna live to see the end of this tour, you'd better not repeat that!" she said. Justin and JC snickered, but Chris actually looked a bit scared. "I'm just gonna go see what Lance is up to," he said. They all burst into laughter as Chris quickly ran away. "You're so mean," Sara said. "I know." "So, which one of you lovely ladies wants to dance with me?" Justin asked. Christina rolled her eyes as she stepped toward him. "Justin, sometimes I wonder why we're friends," she said. "What? Why? What did I do?" Justin asked as he followed her onto the dance floor. "Shall we?" JC asked Sara as he held out his arm. "Of course," Sara replied as she linked her arm with his. The two couples headed out onto the floor as a slow song came on. "Isn't this funny?" Sara asked JC as she slid her arms around his neck. "Isn't what funny?" JC asked. "Well, to anyone else watching we could very well be a couple. I bet you anything that a picture of Justin and Chrissy dancing will show up in some teen magazine with a caption underneath insinuating that they're together. But that couldn't be further from the truth. I'm wishing I didn't have to hide my relationship with Christina and you're staring over my shoulder at Justin, wishing it was him in your arms instead of me right now." "I am not!" JC replied quickly. "Sure you aren't," Sara said. "I'm not! I'm perfectly capable of enjoying your company without worrying about what Justin's doing," he said. "Don't lie, you aren't good at it," Sara shot back. "Okay, well at least I'm trying not to think about him. I can't help it if it isn't working." Sara smiled. As bad as she felt for JC, she couldn't help thinking it was adorable how clueless he was. Justin was probably having a very similar conversation with Christina only a few feet away from them and JC had no idea. "Maybe you'd stop thinking about him so much if you told him how you feel," she said. "It wouldn't matter if Justin loved me or hated me, I'd still think about him all the time," JC replied. "You should tell him anyway. He deserves to know." "I wouldn't know what to say. I wouldn't even know when to do it." "Well, tonight's been a special night so far," Sara said. "I couldn't," JC said, "I'm not ready. I don't know if I ever will be." Across the dance floor, as Sara had predicted, Justin and Christina were discussing the same topic. "Things have been so good lately," Justin said, "But in a way that scares me even more." "Why?" Christina asked. "Because whenever I'm happy something really bad happens to ruin it all," Justin replied. "You're so paranoid," Christina told him. "I know," he said. "Just enjoy being happy," Christina told him, "and don't worry about anything else." "I'll try. But I know that if I keep reading JC's signals wrong I'll just end up being dissappointed." "You don't know anything. You're just guessing. You'll never know if you don't take a chance." "You really think I should tell JC how I feel?" "You told me yourself that he's been acting different lately. Tonight's a special night. Maybe this is the right time." The song ended and Christina quickly left Justin alone. She didn't want to push him too much or give him the opportunity to argue with her. She knew Justin well enough to know that when you left him with an idea, it would take shape in his mind and he would reason with himself until he came up with a resolution. She just hoped his resolution was the right one. Justin just stood still for a moment, lost in thought. It had been an amazing night already. Maybe it really was the right time. Christina had been right when she said that he wouldn't know for sure how JC felt unless he took a chance. "Hey, what's up?" came JC's voice from behind him. Justin turned around, a bit startled. "Uh, nothing, I was just thinking," Justin replied. "About what?" JC asked. "Um, the tour, and...other stuff," Justin said. "Okay, whatever," JC said, giving Justin a strange look, "Are you okay?" "Yeah, I'm fine, I'm just overwhelmed by all this. And I'm tired, too." "Well we don't have to stay too much longer, okay?" "Okay," Justin said, smiling. He liked how JC had said "we". He always did that. JC was completely free to stay at the party if he wanted, but he always left when Justin did. As it turned out, the party died down pretty early. Everyone knew they were leaving in the morning and had a lot of hard work ahead of them. The crew members had to leave early to make sure that the stage was set up and the record company wanted the guys to be in top shape so that everything went off according to plan. JC and Justin were still the first to leave, though. JC was concerned about Justin because he had been quiet all evening. Justin was extremely nervous. All he could think about was whether or not he should tell JC that he was in love with him. It seemed like every second that passed could possibly be the right time and he was putting himself through torture trying to make the decision. When they reached the doors to their hotel rooms Justin began to panic. If he was gonna do it, it had to be now. "Uh, Justin, do you wanna come in and talk for a bit?" JC asked as they paused in the hallway. He had noticed how Justin was breathing heavily and his face was flushed. "Okay," Justin said as he took a deep breath. This was it. JC led the way into his room and turned on a lamp beside one of the beds. It bathed the room in a warm, soft glow. Justin followed behind JC, his stomach twisting around in knots. He stood in the door way and surveyed the room. It was spotlessly clean. Both beds were made and JC's luggage was neatly piled in a corner. Justin smiled to himself and breathed deeply for a moment. He loved how JC was always prepared. Justin's room was still a mess and he would probably start packing five minutes before they were supposed to leave. "You can come in, Justin," JC said, startling Justin out of his thoughts and bringing back his tense insecurity. JC walked past him and closed the door. Then he stood in front of Justin, inches from his face and looked him in the eyes. "Just, what's wrong?" he asked. Justin didn't know what to say. He wanted to let everything out, he just didn't know where to start. JC sighed and took Justin's hand. He pulled him over to the bed and then layed down on it. He patted the mattress beside him, wanting Justin to follow him. Justin took a deep breath and slowly situated himself on the bed so that no part of his body was touching JC's. Every muscle in his body was rigid with nervousness. Suddenly JC reached over and pulled Justin toward him. He wrapped his arms around Justin's body and put Justin's head on his chest. At first Justin was surprised and tensed up even more. But then he let himself relax, realizing that it was only JC and he didn't have to do anything that he didn't want to. If he felt like it was the right time to tell JC how he felt, then he would do it. "Justin you're scaring me," JC said. "I know," Justin replied, "I'm sorry." "It's okay, I just...I just want to know if you're okay." "I'm okay. I promise. It's just that everything's getting to me. There's so much pressure pushing me down that I feel like I'm gonna explode." "You mean with the tour?" "And other things," Justin said softly. "You know I'm here, right?" JC said. "I know," Justin replied. JC rested his chin on Justin's head. He was so warm and nice in his arms. He smelled clean and good. He was an angel. "Josh?" Justin said suddenly, looking up at him. "Yeah?" JC said. "Have you ever wanted something so badly that you'd die if you got to have it, even for a minute?" Justin asked urgently. The desperation in Justin's voice made JC want to cry. He looked so vulnerable and scared. "Yes," JC whispered, his eyes getting lost in Justin's. For a second they looked at eachother, lost in the moment. It was as if they had suddenly realized something infinitely important that would change their lives. Right then, time stood still. Nothing could break the bond they shared and nothing could stop the combined emotions of the two men from pouring out and swirling together, filling the room with love. Justin leaned forward, closing his eyes. Everything moved in slow motion and he felt like he wasn't controlling his own body. When his lips touched JC's everything was perfect. Suddenly nothing in his life was wrong and the doubts he had been having melted away. JC's lips were soft and warm and Justin wanted to kiss him forever. He accidentally let out a moan when JC's toungue slipped past his teeth. This was what he had been wanting for so long. But all of his day dreams combined couldn't compare with this. This was his Josh. The real Josh, not some made up fantasy. And they were kissing on JC's bed. Justin leaned into JC and the kiss grew more urgent. He could feel JC's hands on his ass. He ran his fingers through JC's short hair. He realized that he would eventually have to come up for air and he pulled back a bit. He opened his eyes to look into JC's wide open, shocked ones. That tiny moment of hesitation was all it took for Justin's conscience to kick in. JC was appalled. He was mad. He hadn't wanted to kiss Justin. "Shit!" Justin said as he pulled himself up. He ran out of the room, not looking back. He didn't know where he was going, or what he was going to do. There was only one thing he could think of. JC didn't come after him. There you have it. I'll probably get some nasty e-mails about this because everyone keeps asking when Justin and JC will finally get together. My only answer to that is this: JC and Justin are taking their time. Eventually it will happen. And they kinda got together in this chapter, even if it wasn't for a very long time. As always, feel free to e-mail me, even if it's just to be mean. Talk to everyone soon! ~ERIN~