I dare you to love me chapter 2
Once again this story is entirely fiction; any resemblance to a living person is coincident. If you are under age, or by law not aloud to read these stories, please don't continue. This is a lesbian story involving two females, if this offends you. Please don't continue.
-Talk?? Okay again not what I expected, but then that is my luck I thought as my heart sunk a bit and my smile turned upside down...
"Uhm, sure, come in then we can talk" I finally got out. Maybe this was a mistake...
=Okay, time for truth, I'm on my way to Shay's house, with absolutely no clue what to say or even what I want to do from this point on. All this started so fast, a week ago I thought my reputation will be ruined, and now all I care about is what Shay thinks of me. As I pull up into her driveway, I decide to just take things as they go.
When she opens the car door for me, a million things runs through my mind, the first thing I blabber out is we need to talk, I don't think that is what Shay expected as I saw her smile disappear from her face. I quickly give her a smile, hoping that it will somehow help. She invites me inside, seeming a bit distant.
As we sit down at the kitchen table, my mouth is suddenly dry; I am scared to death of what she will say next. I know I have some explaining to do, yet I am scared to say something.
This is a new side of Shay I haven't seen before, distant and quiet. My whole idea of taking everything as it came seems to disappear as she doesn't say anything. I know it is up to me to break the ice. I am just looking for the right way.
"How did you get my belongings?" I ask, hoping that this will be the starting point.
= "I thought that we would start with that, uhm I promise you I didn't take it from your locker." I decided to be defensive.
"Truth be told until the other day in the cafeteria I didn't think you even knew I existed. I found your I-pod, laptop and diary Friday night as I came home from the club, unfortunately I can't exactly tell you where or how, as this may bring other people in trouble and I don't want that, because if it wasn't for them I would have never had the guts to try and communicate with you, so please forgive me for that."
I also didn't mean to go through your belongings, but as I took it out of the bag Saturday morning, your diary fell open and my name was written several times in it, so curiosity got the better of me. Up to this moment, I am still not sure if I read too much into your diary, or that I imagined things as I wanted them to be, instead of how they really are.
I mean, you are the most popular girl at college, with the biggest group of cheerleading friends, and the football captain as your boyfriend.
- I had to stop her there, she was saying all of these things without taking a breath, and even I started getting dizzy without the air.
"Ex-boyfriend, I broke up with him, although he'll tell you a different story. I decided to stop living a lie. I knew that I was gay in high school already, but I stayed in the closet for fear of rejection. To tell the truth, I still have that fear, but I know it is time to tell the truth and I hope that I can start by telling it to you.
Over the last couple of months I became absolutely infatuated by you, your presence everyday in class was my reason for standing up every day. You are the reason for my smile on my face every day; although everyone thought it was David. I decided to get more involved with all my groups, to try and get away from David for a while. As well as to see if I couldn't somehow get you out of my mind, but I failed to do so.
The day you saw me in the cafeteria, I thought that everything was going South for me, my diary was stolen, and with that my deepest secrets as well. Thoughts of being disowned by my family suddenly felt like a reality to me. I thought that my good record at school with the teachers and my friends would have been disrupted, my life as I knew it, gone.
=She had tears in her eyes, and I couldn't handle it anymore. I rushed over to her side and pulled her close to me. I wasn't sure if that was what she wanted or needed, but it was the only way I knew how to help her. All this, her life, her family meant so much to her. She started sobbing louder, and I didn't know what more to do. This was something new to me. I never thought I'd be caring this soon. At the same time it felt great holding her in my arms, another thing I never thought would be possible. I just sat there, holding her until I heard her crying stop. I released my hold on her a bit, looked into her eyes, and at that moment, all I wanted to do was kiss her, make her forget all the pain that she felt, but I knew I couldn't, not yet.
I stood up, not knowing what to do as I sat there, the urge to kiss her was so strong, and I walked back to my seat after offering her something to drink.
-Letting the truth out took its toll on me, I didn't expect to get this emotional, and I guess I still really cared about what people might say. I knew I had tears in my eyes, and I didn't want to cry in front of Shay. Suddenly she stood up and walked over to me, I didn't know what to expect, she pulled me close to her, wrapped me in her arms and that's all it took, I started sobbing, letting out all my tears and built up emotions I had. It felt so right to be held by her like that, it felt as if it was meant to be. I quieted down after a while, and felt her arms gently released me. I looked into her eyes and saw the caring she had for me. I felt the urge to kiss her soft lips, and I think she felt it too, but she let go of me and walked back to her seat.
I took this time, to look at my watch. It was already past 8, and I knew I wouldn't be able to drive home in the state I was in, to many questions would be asked, and I didn't have the strength to answer them. Shay saw this and offered that I use her spare room if I wanted to. I phoned my mom, letting her know that I was staying at one of my friends for the night and offered the excuse that I took the break up with David hard and needed someone to talk to. She understood, and wished me good luck.
=I didn't know what came over me; I never wanted to kiss someone as bad, as I wanted to kiss Kelly. Thank goodness I came to my senses in time; I just hope I didn't mess anything up. The last thing Kelly needed now was a love sick puppy when she asked for support. I saw the time as I turned back, and knew there was no way I could let her drive home the way she was. I offered her the spare bedroom for the night, not really sure if it was the best idea, but still.
We said our goodnights as I showed her to her room, we decided that we will continue the conversation some other time as this was an interesting day. After showing her the night clothes and robe, I moved to my own room, with a lot on my mind. I knew sleep will not come easy for me, knowing that an angel or more the angel of my dreams was just down the hall. I laid there thinking that her family must really be something special if she cared that much about them to stay in the closet. I thought back to my own family, or to the people that called them my family. A drunk for a dad and a mom who couldn't keep herself, well to herself. I thought about Johnny, my little brother and the only one I really considered family, thought where he might be, and if he was happy, as they forbid me to see or contact him after I came out to them. I felt a lonesome tear on my face as I remembered the good days and fun we had. Maybe one day, I'll see him again... With that thought I fell asleep.
Suddenly the person, who was a complete stranger to me a week ago, became my best friend in one day, the only one who knows my true story. I laid in bed, thinking about how different Shay was as to how I imagined her. Friendly and sympathic towards others, yet I didn't see anything regarding her family around her house, no picture except for the one on my bed stand. A beautiful picture of a younger Shay and this sweet looking boy that looked so much like her.
For the first time in a week I had a good nights rest, not worrying about my diary getting out around school. I woke up around 5 for a moment not realizing where I was, until I saw that picture again. I decided that I wanted to get to know Shay better, and at some point find out who the little boy was. I stood up, got dressed, and head out the front door, hoping that I didn't wake Shay up. The rest of the day went by generally normal, I bumped into Shay a few times at school and with a smile and a wave we passed each other.
= I woke up when I heard my door slam close. First I thought someone trying to break in, and then realized that it was Kelly going out. I stood up and went to school just like always. We saw each other a few times during the day just greet then pass. I left her my number in Science class in case she wanted to talk or something as I headed out. On my way out I had so much built up energy that I decided to go to the gym. I spent about 3 hours there, till I was completely drained then went home.
Over the next few weeks Kelly and I became close friends to the amazement of her other friends as to how the most popular girl there would want to hang out with the dyke as they called me. She never told them the truth that she was gay, and I guess that's what puzzeled them. To me it didn't matter, I got to spend some time with her, and at the same time I started falling head over heals for her. Although I kept the last part to myself, or I tried to. Tonya saw that something was different apart from me not going out with them so often; I tried to make myself more presentable to Kelly.
It was days before the final dance of the year, and every day there were guys literally standing in line asking Kelly out to the dance. This started irritating me, as I wanted to take her to the dance, the problem with that was that she was still in the closet to every one except me. So I just kept my mouth shut and pretended that I was fine with it all.
My days consisted of school, cheerleading practice, Shay, and organizing the college Dance. I tried to spend as much time possible getting to know Shay, my friends noticed and one day Hendy asked me how I possibly could be hanging out with the Dyke of school, at that moment I wish that I had the guts to tell her and all the others that I, myself was one of the dykes they liked to judge. As the dance approached there were guys constantly asking me to go with them, I just declined each time, in my mind I had other plans and I just hope that nothing back fires.
Shay invited me over for dinner on Wednesday before the dance; I was excited to go over, as I had a trick or two up my sleeve. I saw how Shay looked at me and knew that she was in love with me, just as I was with her.
I arrived at her house just past 6 as we agreed. When she opened the door she looked as gorgeous as the first day I saw her. She was wearing her favorite pair of baggy jeans with a white t-shirt and a black button down shirt over it. I took a deep breath hoping that it would calm my nerves down a bit. She invited me in, told me to make myself at home as she was just about finished with dinner. I took a seat in the living room, waiting, trying to get the guts to spill the beans so to say.
It was 2 days before the dance when I invited Kelly over to dinner. She gladly accepted saying that a break from the organizing and planning of the dance might be good. I decided to prepare dinner myself than order anything from a restaurant, so as soon as I got home on Wednesday afternoon I lit the griller, pulled out some steaks along with mash potatoes and my specialty salad...
Just as I was done with the salad my doorbell rang. Right on time I thought. I opened the door and there she stood, in her blue summer dress with her hair let down. It was as if a mysterious wind was blowing just through her hair, so it literally looked as if she stepped out of a fashion magazine. After a moment I realized that I was still holding my breath, I quickly pulled myself together, invited her in told her to make herself at home as I was almost done with dinner.
I had to get away from her for just a few minutes to compose myself again. It was getting harder and harder for me to be so close to her just as a friend, and I think she noticed it.
I came back to the living room with our dinner plates and then some cold drink. We ate while watching a comedy movie. Her laugh was intoxicating and I hardly even saw what was happening in the movie as all my attention was focused on her rather than the movie. Kelly offered to take the plates back to the kitchen and to my surprise when she came back; she sat next to me rather than on the other couch. It looked as if she wanted to say something and was just waiting for the right time. I flashed her a smile, hoping it would serve as the encouragement she needed...
Wow, this dinner was really amazing I sat there thinking to myself. We sat there watching a comedy movie. It was one I wanted to see for a while now, so I sat there laughing and enjoying the movie, while at the same time gathering my mind and word for what I prepared.
I offered to take our plates back to the kitchen, before Shay could protest I stood up, took her plate and left. As I returned I decided now was as good a time as ever. I went and sit next to her, I knew this surprised Shay by the look on her face, but I knew it was time. She flashed me a smile and that gave me enough courage to continue...
"I have been waiting to ask you this for a long time now" I said as I paused, "the picture in your spare bedroom of you and that little boy, it's been on my mind ever since the day I saw it. Who is the little boy?" Great I thought to myself, I couldn't ask what I really wanted so quickly had to thought of something else. Well at least it was something that I did want to know.
When she started talking I kept my breath, for the second time in the night. She wanted to ask me something, and all I could think of was the dance. Then my heart sunk a bit, when instead of the dance, she asked about the picture of me and Little Johnny in the bedroom. I forgot I put it there, so it surprised me a bit. Uhm, the little boy in there is my brother, well now he isn't that little any more. He turned 15 a few days ago. That picture was taken a few years ago, 9 years to be exact. I was 10 and Johnny 6. It was taken at our then family house a few hours before I decided to come out to my parents. It was also the last time that I saw him, or any one from my family.
They literally threw me out of the house after I told them that I am gay, and forbid to see or talk to Johnny, as I would be a bad influence on him. So you see that is the only piece of my past that I have, or that I hold on to. I felt a bit sad as I remembered that day; I took a deep breath and continued with my story. Johnny kept yelling at my dad to leave me alone as he pulled me up from where I sat and pushed me out of the house. Johnny ran to me, hugged me, asking me not to go. I cried as I didn't think that my parents would react this was towards the news. My mom took Johnny from me, turned around and went to the kitchen, not saying a word to me.
That night I slept in our old tree house, regretting that I told my parents. I didn't know what I was going to do now. I was still too young to work, and thought I would die. It was the Friday morning around 5 when I woke up. As my dad told me that I was a disgrace to the family, I jumped up and went to the school. I thought as it would most probably be my last day that I can attend school, I might as well enjoy it. When I arrived at school my cousin Kevin was waiting for me, although we were close we ran in different groups at school, and hardly talked, so I knew that his parents told him what happened.' By now I had to wipe a few tears from my face, but I still continued my story...
His parents agreed that I could stay with them, and said that my dad was just unreasonable. Things sort of looked up from that moment. 3 years later though they immigrated to Australia so again I was left on my own. They left me their house and belongings, and well that is my story...
I sat there, completely stunned at what Shay just told my. To be abandoned by her parents at such a tender age, must have been horrible. I felt tears form in my eyes, and now understood where Shay was coming from and why she was always a lone ranger.
I then decided that I will do anything in my power to make Shay happy, just as she has been trying to make me happy the past few weeks.
"Shay" I said and she looked up at me. "Would you like to go to the dance with me?" She gave me a confused look, and I thought maybe this wasn't the best idea. Shay asked me to repeat my question. I slowly asked her again, and then it seemed to register with her.
Did she just really ask me to the dance?? I sat there thinking that maybe I heard wrong. I asked her to repeat it again. When she asked me again I knew I heard right the first time. Suddenly I small smile spread across my face. She really did have feelings for me, but then at the same time I started thinking that we can't go to the dance as that would out her in public, and I didn't want her to face the rejection I had to deal with.
"Kelly, although I would like that very much, I'm afraid I can't accept. I don't want you to go through what I went. I don't wish that on to my worst enemy."
What would happen when it comes out to your mom and brother, I know that you 3 are very close, and I don't want to be the reason the turn against you? Then what about your friends at school, the won't understand, they will abandon you.
"I don't care about these so called friends at school, if they are any true friends they will understand and stand by me through this, as for my family. I told my mom on Monday that I was in love with you, she was glad for me, and told me that all she wants is for me to be happy. She told me that she thought it would happen eventually as I basically just spent time with you more and more.
In love with me? Since when? Why didn't you say anything? I had all these questions run through my mind and out of my mouth; all of a sudden it happened. I felt her soft lips on mine and that immediately quieted my mind. I felt so happy in that moment that nothing else mattered. I was in heaven, and my Angel brought me there. I didn't care about anything else; Kelly was finally in my arms... Our kiss started getting passionate when I pulled back. I had to make sure that this wasn't a dream. For the second time that night I had tears from my eyes, but this time it was happy tears. Kelly had the same in her eyes, and I just pulled her close to me again searching for her lips. It felt so magical, so meant to be. Kelly stayed the night with me; we just held each other close as we fell asleep. It was the best night sleep I ever had.
Thank you all for taking the time to read my story.
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