Say What? - Episode 16 "Wanna Play A Game of Nude Touch Football?"

Written by: TVM (



"OHHHH feed me first," Annie chirped as Alex came into my bedroom with the last of the grapes from the fridge. This was the morning after our latest night of mind blowing sex with our mutual lover.

"I don't like you anymore," I said to Alex as she stuffed a grape into Annie's mouth and slipped back under the covers behind her.

"Ha ha," Annie giggled as Alex wrapped the girl in her arms.

"Don't start with me," I said as I kissed Annie. "You have to live with me, she doesn't."

"Thankfully," Alex said as I laughed and kissed her too.

"Bite me," I said in protest. "You might wanna be nice to me."

"Why?" Alex asked as I turned my back to her and pointed to my butt.

"I do your favorite thing," I said with a knowing smile.

"I'm sorry," Alex said immediately. "Don't know what I was thinking."

"Exactly," I said as she reached over Annie and rubbed my ass. "Oh baby."

"My thoughts exactly," I said as I slid off the bed and went to use the bathroom. I found, as I came out, the book that Annie had "borrowed" from the store a week or so ago. The book of FeelDoe: The Complete Users Guide. I quickly picked it up and tossed it onto the bed for Alex and Annie to peruse as I came back into the room.

"Where did this come from? Annie asked in confusion.

"You stole it off Douglas," I giggled. "Remember?"

"I borrowed it," Annie corrected me. "I'll take it back."

"Klepto," I said as she gave me a dirty look.

"This book has a lot of stuff in it," Alex said as she rolled onto her back and started flipping through it.

"Has an updated list of models on page 128," Annie expertly stated. Alex quickly flipped to the page and looked over the numerous models being offered.

"Know a lot about it do you?" I asked Annie as she giggled and blushed.

"This one has a model with an anal stimulator," Alex said as she pointed it out to me and Annie.

"I think we felt that last night," I said as Annie giggled.

"No, it's for the wearer," Alex said as she showed it to me more closely.

"So you can get anal while you're doing it?" I asked.

"'Get hands-free stimulation and hot, face to face sex with the Strapless Strap-on with Anal Stimulator. Cleverly curved at just the right angle, this strapless double dildo stays inside the wearer with each passionate thrust,'" Alex read from the book. "And it has 8 inches for you two..."

"...MMMMMM lucky us," Annie cooed as I nodded in agreement.

"...and 3 inside me with the G-spot stimulator," Alex continued. "And 4 inches with the anal beads. WOW!"

"Are the anal beads that thing on the back of it?" Annie asked as she pointed.

"Uh huh," Alex confirmed. "I can't even imagine how good that would feel to use."

"It also has a model with the G-spot stimulator that vibrates," Alex said with a horny grin. "I'm not sure I'd survive that experience."

"If you didn't you'd die with a smile on your face," I said as Alex laughed.

"What a wonderful way to go," Alex said. "So here's the question. If I buy this who is gonna let me use it on them?"

"Girl who has apparently lost her mind say what?" I asked as Alex laughed.

"I've asked some stupid questions but that's the dumbest one I've heard," Annie said as I laughed.

"Just making sure you still want me," Alex said as she laid the book aside and kissed my girlfriend softly on the lips. The two of them kissed for a long moment before I slid over and had them part as I kissed Alex myself and we traded tongues for a long moment. Annie then pushed us apart and kissed me and slipped her tongue into my mouth and I gladly traded mine for hers. A rather loud groan-in-unison coming from the three of when a knocking came at the front door. "Who the hell would be visiting you guys?"

"Maybe Jilly took the bus again," I said as I slid off the bed and left Annie and Alex laughing. I opened the door a few moments later and saw Brittney, with a shit eating grin plastered on her face, and a nervous looking Ashley standing behind her. "Yes?"

"I have news that will either get me killed or make sure you don't have to worry about money for a while," Brittney said as she walked in and dragged Ashley along with her.

"Why would it get you killed?" I asked as Alex and Annie came out of the bedroom.

"Cause you're not gonna like how I did it," Brittney said as she held up a DVD case and then handed it to Alex. "I had Jackie borrow your DVD so I could show it to a friend of mine."

"The DVD of me, Annie and Liz?" Alex asked.

"Yes," Brittney said.

"I'm gonna kill you," Alex said as she started after Brittney and had to be stopped by Annie who hugged her from behind.

"I showed it to a friend of mine who wants you three to do a movie and she'll pay you a $100,000 dollars," Brittney blurted out as all action froze and everyone (except Ashley) looked at her in shock. "I'm serious. Right Ash?"

"That's what Shelly told us," Ashley chimed in as she moved in front of her girlfriend.

"Who the hell is Shelly?" Alex asked as her anger seemed to fade.

"Owner of Vividual Entertainment," Brittney said. Even I had heard of them. "One of the biggest producers of indy porn in the country."

"How much is she willing to pay us?" I asked.

"$15,000 dollars each and 15% percent of DVD sales," Brittney said. "Up to $100,000 dollars a piece if it sells well."

"You took a private moment and turned it into porn for some bunch of perverts," I accused. "You can get out of my apartment."

"We'd both have enough money to go to college if we did it," Annie pointed out as she came over to join me. "We could live on campus and wouldn't have to work for at least a year."

"She wants us to be porn stars," I said pointedly. "You won't even undress in front of a mirror how do you expect to do this?"

"Well I fucked you and Alex both last night, so I think I can undress in front of a mirror," Annie growled at me.

"MMMMMM baby give me some of that," Brittney said as Annie looked back at her with a horny grin.

"Shelly said it was the hottest amateur scene she's ever watched," Ashley offered.

"Hottest?" Alex asked.

"Hottest scene ever," Brittney repeated. "She loved it. She wants me and Ash to bring you guys by and meet her."

"I'm gonna have to think about this," I said as I hugged Annie and kissed her lips. "Right?"

"Lots of thinking," Annie said as she hugged me back.

"Well me and Ash decided to do it if you guys are in," Brittney decided as Ashley looked directly at Annie with a horny smile. One that was not lost on me or my best friend. Nor Brittney.

"And if you guys are in I would love to see my girlfriend and your soon-to-be girlfriend in a scene one on one," Brittney said directly to me as she guided Ashley over to in front of us.

"And we will think about it and let you know," I said as Ashley and Annie grinned at each other. "I'll call you when we make our decision."

"I think us leaving is a good thing for now," Ashley said as she took the lead and took hold of Brittney's hand and made her girlfriend follow along as they left.

"I didn't see that one coming," Alex said as she ran her fingers through her hair. "Are you guys mad at me now?"

"Why would we be mad at you?" I asked.

"I caused this by taping us," Alex noted. "If it weren't for me then you'd..."

"...never have had the chance to go to college," Annie said.

"What?" Alex asked.

"If we do this then I can go to college too," Annie said. "I'm not mad at you at all."

"I'm not either," I said as Alex smiled. "But I need to do some thinking about this. Have you already decided Annie?"

"Not at all," Annie said. "Although Ashley is uber cute. I wouldn't mind getting some off her."

"Hello!" I said in response as I waved my hand in front of Annie's face. "Will the real Annie Parks come out."

"She did last night," Alex giggled as she slipped on her jeans by the kitchen counter. Then picked up the Philadelphia Inquirer and laughed as Annie and I also got ready for work. "Did you read this?"


"Nude Philly is having their annual run for cancer," Alex said as she held up the paper.

"Hot naked people?" Annie asked as both of us laughed.

"Old naked people," Alex said as Annie made a sour face. "I can think of much better things to do while naked and outdoors."

"I am not fucking you outdoors," I said with a finger point.

"Yes you will," Alex said as Annie remained silent. "But that's honestly not what I was thinking of. I was thinking of something completely different."


"Wanna play a game of nude touch football?" Alex asked as Annie and I laughed out loud. "Emphasis on the touch."

"We got work," I said as Alex shrugged and followed after Annie and me as we exited the apartment. We arrived downstairs to find a guy working on the front glass. One of the pieces was already removed and the other about to be as well. He told us a moment later that Douglas had decided to replace them. Spotting Douglas inside, I walked on in to ask him what was up.

"Douglas?" I asked as he looked up from working on some papers at his desk in the office. "What happened to the front glass?"

"I'm upgrading to a more efficient glass," Douglas said. "Arty suggested it last night. Said a more efficient model would save on energy bills."

"Yeah it probably would," I said. "With the computers and all we've been using a lot more electricity."

"And with more computers on the way we can count on even more of that," Douglas said.

"You ordered more computers?" I asked.

"Kristina made a phone call last night and got us a remarkable deal on two new ones," Douglas noted.

"So I guess now you have to hire them?" I asked as I sat down in the chair across from him.

"I'd sure like to," Douglas said. "But the question is do you think we have enough business to continue expanding."

"It's summer and we're usually full up on the computers from open to close," I said. "So I'd say we can safely expand. The new semester does begin in a few weeks for Brookins State and that should really increase the usage."

"Then maybe I take the profit we've made so far and invest it in new computers?" Douglas asked.

"I would," I said as Annie came to the door with the tray of sandwiches we'd forgotten and she had apparently went to retrieve.

"Guess what we forgot?" Annie giggled.

"Magazines?" I asked as Annie gave me a certain look that spoke volumes.

"That right there has been one of our primary money makers the past few weeks," Douglas said as he pointed to the sandwiches. "The last few days we've been sold out by noon."

"If we had more we could sell more," Annie noted.

"To bad we can't just pay someone to make them," I said. "That would sure take some pressure off of me and Annie."

"You might have just struck upon a brilliant idea there my manager," Douglas noted.


"Kristina mentioned that she had done some catering for her former church," Douglas noted. "And she might be just the person to hire to expand our line of food offerings."


"Like salad?" Annie asked.

"And soft drinks and possibly snack bars," Douglas noted.

"What about those bottles of five hour energy?" I asked as Douglas smiled. "Those are really popular and would probably help if you needed some energy to keep on studying."

"And I just happen to know that my new co-owner Duncan is in regular contract with a distributor of such a product," Douglas noted.

"You should ask him about him about your laptop, Liz," Annie said as she walked away to put out the sandwiches for the day, passing by Kristina and Arty as they came into work.

"Yeah I would like to ask him about that," I said as the two stopped at the door.

"Well you'll have your chance because he'll be in from London tomorrow morning," Douglas said. "We've got a scheduled meeting around 11."

"He was in London, England?"

"London, Kentucky," Douglas said as I laughed. "He owns several businesses in the area."

"Any word on that dinner party the lady asked about?" Arty asked Douglas.

"What dinner party?"

"A Miss Calhoun called me last night and asked if I'd be interested, and had the space, to host a dinner party for her firm," Douglas said.

"Great opportunity," Kristina said.

"Wouldn't you be using the alley for that?" I asked. "That was the plan."

"Well the party would be a few weeks off so Arty would have a chance to complete everything we have planned," Douglas said.

"We're planning a bar that will go by the far end and a fence to keep those prying eyes off our business," Arty noted. "Very private while still having a nice view of the night sky."

"Sounds interesting," Alex said as she joined us. Giving me a look that made me blush though I didn't exactly know what she meant by it.

"Go away," I said to Alex as she grinned.

"You're right it's time for my morning break," Alex said as she walked off.

"Kristina dear do you remember what we talked about last night at my place?" Douglas asked. Making me wonder what she was doing at Douglas' place.

"About the food?"

"Indeed," Douglas confirmed. "Liz and I have discussed it a bit and we both think it's a good idea to hire you on as caterer."

"Meaning I like make the sandwiches and salads and bring them with me every morning?" Kristina asked. "That means we'd be continuing to stay with you?"

"For the time being," Douglas noted.

"You let them stay with you?" I asked Douglas.

"I have let them use my apartment a few blocks down that's been empty for a month or so now," Douglas noted. "And before your nosey ass asks we had a nice time last night playing games."

"What kinda games?" I quizzed as Douglas blushed and Arty and Kristina laughed.

"You leave him alone," Arty said to me. "Douglas is an unbelievably generous man. And it was board games."

"He is generous," I agreed. "Hired me with no experience at all."

"And that goes to prove how smart he is," Kristina noted. "You've worked out pretty great."

"OK, everyone get to work and let's make some money," Douglas said with a clapping of the hands. "Go on, get to work."

"We love you too," I said as Douglas gave us a warning finger point and quickly closed the door behind us as he ran us out of the office. "We got him good."

"He's so cute when he's embarrassed," Arty said as Kristina and I both gave him a certain look. "Well... he is. Shut up."

Kristina and I both laughed as Arty walked off and refused to talk to either of us for a while after that exchange. Such a funny moment.

The place quickly filled up after that as Alex went about unboxing the week's new arrivals. Meanwhile, Kristina and I helped out the net café customers and Annie seemingly rang up sales nearly non-stop. And despite the fact that the window behind the front counter was being fixed we still had a mostly filled shop.

"All done?" I asked the workman as he left the main office just after lunch and he simply nodded as he made his exit. I followed him to the door and stepped out for a moment to get some fresh air and realized how it had suddenly gotten hot as heck out here. I was about to turn and go back inside to enjoy the now turned on air conditioning when a cab pulled up in front of the place and I decided to be nosey and see who was getting out. Now I wish I hadn't been. "Mom?"

"Well hello there Elizabeth," Mom (Beth) said as she came across the street and stopped directly in front of me.

"Mom?" I repeated.

"Yes, Elizabeth it's me," she said.

"Mom?" I stammered for a third time in a noticeably horrified voice.

"Yes sweetheart it's me," Mom said. "Do you need to lay down?"

"Who invited you? What are you doing here and who the hell invited you?" I rambled. "I don't even care. Just get in the cab and go home before you embarrass me."

"I will not," Mom declared. "Since you refuse to come see me I am here for the week."

"Lady who is batshit crazy say what?" I asked in shock.

"Here for the week," Mom insisted. "I thought having me around again may alleviate some of your fears of being on your own."

Annie just then came to check on me and stopped as she looked in shock at the woman standing in front of her. "Oh boy."

"And I assume since I'll be staying for the week that your roommate can find other accommodations?"

"What?" Annie and I asked in unison.

"I don't have any other place to go," Annie said. "Liz, what is she talking about?"

"I'm sure you have a friend, although it's hard to believe, that you can stay with," Mom noted.

"Liz?" Annie asked in a panic.

"My fears of living on my own?"

"Yes honey I know they've been terrible," Mom said.

"My worst nightmare just began," I said as her face fell in shock. "And you're crazier than Pat Robertson on the 700 Club if you think I'm running Annie off for a week. Or letting you even inside my apartment."

"Well I raised you," Mom said. "18 hours of hard labor and this is the thanks I get?"

"18 hours? It keeps getting longer, mom," I said as Annie laughed. "And speaking of labor, I think it's time you tell me who my father is."

"Not this again, Elizabeth," Mom said. "I have told you he was a horrible mistake that I made and never wish to utter his name again."

"Then just right it down," Annie suggested and it was then my turn to laugh.

"No one asked your smart ass mouth a damn thing," Mom fired at Annie. Usually the point when my best friend shrinks back into herself and has nothing more to say. But not this time.

"And no one invited you here crazy lady," Annie said with a fire. "Besides we already know who her father is and he's coming to see her tomorrow."

"We do?" Mom asked in a horrified shock. "But that's impossible."

"Why is it impossible?" I asked.

"Nothing!" Mom said. "I just realized that I left the oven on at home and must be going. So long."

"Old lady I will hurt your ass if you don't tell me what you did," I said as she froze. A long moment passed as she swallowed hard and, tried to figure a way out, but knowing her goose was cooked (so-to-speak) she finally cut loose a bombshell.

"I never told Duncan about you!"

Duncan Radford Collins was my father! Cool!