Date: Sun, 8 Jul 2007 17:28:18 -0700 (PDT) From: Sheila Smith Subject: Ask Aunt Sheila - 3 21 Mom and the boys Dear Aunt Sheila I know you mostly deal with girls' problems, but I wonder if you could help me with something that is bothering me a lot. I have a teenage son, Alec, who is basically a good boy, very loving and helpful. But I know that he masturbates a lot - you know how boys leave stains everywhere. I don't mind about that, masturbation is normal and healthy, but I have found out that he regularly masturbates with his best friend, Tony whenever the two of them are together in Alec's room. Alec has now asked me if Tony can stay overnight, he says, there's enough room for both of us in my bed, mom. I really don't know what to do. Please advise. Worried Mom Instead of worrying, you should think yourself lucky! I suggest you do everything you can to encourage your son to develop a sexual relationship with his friend. After all, that's what boys are for. In fact, you could take the initiative here, and say that Tony can stay overnight whenever he wants to, providing the two of them sleep WITH YOU in YOUR bed. Explain to them that you want to help them to get the best of their relationship by showing them the proper way to jerk off, to suck cock and ultimately how to enjoy anal intercourse. Just imagine using your hand to guide Tony's throbbing cock into your son's lubricated hole, and to make sure he fucks your son properly. I guarantee two things: the boys will LOVE it, and you will have your fingers in your cunt while you watch them doing their boysex stuff. What we call a win-win situation. 22 Sylvie's Question and Marie's Question Dear Aunt Sheila I read with interest your reply to Sylvie W's question about how to find which girls at work might be up for some girl-girl sex play. The question I often ask myself is: how can you tell if a woman is a lesbian? Marie G Dear Marie G Wrong question, Marie dear! You're starting from the wrong end, so to speak. As far as I am concerned, there are only two kinds of women: those who are proud to call themselves lesbians, and those who haven't admitted it yet! To be serious, all the evidence is that most girls flirt with lesbianism. It may be just kissing another girl at a party "for a dare", or getting into some really sexy crotch-grinding with another girl at a disco. In fact, it starts even before that with younger girls, for example, at sleepovers, when they explore each other with their fingers. There will be a lot of giggling, but the girls are still getting kicks from doing it.When these girls get older, they might marry and have kids, etc, but the groundwork has been laid, and many of them will come back to lesbian activity one way or another. Some will admit to being "curious" and take up an offer if it's made to them at the right time and in the right way (I think that is where our Sylvie will score!). Others, bored and dissatisfied with marital sex, remember the thrills they felt when they tried girl-girl sex and will actively seek out a female partner, via personal columns, internet, dating services, etc. Then, there are all those women who work in all-female environments, such as the military or all-girl schools, where their sexual needs are most naturally satisfied with each other. The truth is, Marie dear, we are all lesbians. Or should be. After all, who knows better what a woman needs than another woman? 23 Words Dear Aunt Sheila Is it wrong to use the word "dyke"? A friend at work called me that, and I was quite upset, even though it is true I am a lesbian. What do you think? Yours, Anna Wong Nah, anyone calls me a dyke, I take it as a compliment! It's not what they call us, but what we are, that is important. Did you know that the Spanish word for a lesbian is "tortillera", which literally means omelette-maker/ How offended would you be if someone called you an omelette-maker? 24 Infantile sex Dear Aunt Sheila I know you have brorched this subject before, but I need your advice about my two little girls, aged 6 and 7. I watched them the other day exploring each other's "nannas" (their words) with their fingers, and then sniffing each other down there. I was appalled, and didn't know what to do. Please advise. Worried Mother-of-two. Oh dear, you mothers, getting all worked up about nothing! The best thing you can do, Worried Mother-of-two, is to stop worrying, get your two little angels together on your bed, get your panties off, spread your legs and show them your "nanna".Finger yourself, pull your lips back, expose your clitoris, get moist, insert your fingers into yourself, masturbate, and tell them to imitate you and do the same. Best of all, let them play with your "nanna" and tell them how one day they will be able to get wet and do the same. Let them touch it, smell it, taste it, get to know it. In other words, stop worrying and start showing them what a wonderful thing they have between their legs. And then kiss them both and tell them to carry on exploring each other's nannas. 25 My kid brother I am sick and tired of my kid brother. He steals my undies and wears them, he even puts on my dresses and stuff sometimes, and he is forever using my makeup. It's like he thinks he is a girl. I am afraid to tell mom or dad, but I wish there was a way I could make him stop. Please advise. Rebecca T What a lucky girl you are, Rebecca, to have such a kid brother! Instead of getting uptight about his desire to be a girl, you should encourage it. Make a complete 180 degree turn and start offering him your lingerie, your dresses, your cosmetics, etc. Help him dress, show him how to apply makeup, lipstick and so on. Tell him he will make a wonderful girly-boy one day - with your help. And you can be sure that somewhere, sometimes, he will find someone who will love him for what he is. Just a word of caution, Rebecca: when some man finally falls for him, make sure that your kid brother is well informed about the minutiae of anal sex - it can be wonderful, but it can be terrible if not done properly. If you give me your full address, I will send you a leaflet about it. 26 Soixante-neuf What is soixante-neuf? My girlfriend says it's when girls lie together each with her mouth on the other's pussy, but that sounds gross to me. Do people really do that? Annie L Oh, my poor Annie, where have you been all this time? Soixante-neuf, which is just the French for 69, is widely practised by both lesbians and gay males, and is, properly done, a wonderful and prolonged form of lovemaking. The important thing about 69 is that each of you should be very sensitive to the actions of the other, so that you mirror, as far as possible, each other's actions. It is about rhythm, it is about harmony, ie, it is about having your mouth and tongue on her cunt doing exactly what your mouth and tongue are doing to her cunt. It might take a long time to get it exactly right, but who's in a hurry when it comes to pussy-munching?! Oh yes, and don't forget each other's "rosebud", the other little "trou d'amour" that always begs for attention. If you run into problems, email me for my private phone number, and I will come by and help you out. 27 Outrageous Dear Aunt Sheila My name is Gretta and I love my partner Moira more than I can say. But, there is one thing she does which I find gross, offensive and truly outrageous: she insists on wearing her strapon under her dress wheneve we go out somewhere. Restaurant, disco, cinema, or just out shopping, she will wear her strapon. And it shows. Not like a huge penis or anything, but the bulge under her dress is obvious. I find this embarrassing. How can I persuade her to stop this outrageous way of behaving in public? Beautiful! I really like the sound of Moira. Let's face it, lots of women walk around with Benwa balls in their vaginas or butterfly-type clit stimulators strapped on. Equally, lots of men walk around with cock rings and cock sleeves or butt plugs up their anuses (and god knows what else men use). So why shouldn't Moira wear her strapon dildo if it gives her a buzz? I assume she doesn't actually USE it while she is out, but clearly it makes her feel good to know that she has an instrument of pleasure that she could, IN THEORY, use to pleasure the attractive women she sees in the local shopping mall, or wherever. I suspect, dearest Gretta, that you are simply jealous. Chill out, sweetie, and thank your lucky stars that you have a really sexy girlfriend! Tell her if she ever wants to call by my office and dildo-fuck me, she will not meet any resistance! 28 Weight problem I am overweight, I know I am. I try to diet but I just can't lose weight. How can I ever find someone to love me? Sad Suki Suki, get a grip. The best lover I ever had was a real plumpling. She had an ass that cast a shadow that turned day into night. She had thighs that would crush a sequoia. She had boobs that weighed more than the National Debt. And, let's be brutally honest, she had a cunt the size of a road tunnel, only hard to find because of the layers of flesh that surrounded it. And you know what? She was, without exception, the lovingest, sexiest, horniest, bestest lover I ever had. I could lose myself in all that gorgeous female flesh, I was in heaven from the moment I buried my face between those treetrunk thighs or lost my face in that cavernous cunt of hers. She was the best. And so are you. Stop being sad, and just believe in yourself, Suki. Somewhere there is a woman is just dying to bury herself in the loving warmth of all that flesh. Hell, if I wasn't so busy, I would come round right now and eat you out myself! 29 Target Why do women keep coming on to me? I am not a lesbian, but it seems that every woman who comes into our salon - I am a hairdresser - wants to fuck me. I love my boyfriend, and I really don't have any interest in this lesbian stuff. What do you advise? Tessa G. Oh Tessa, get real. Women come on to you because you are putting out signals that you want them to come on to you. Sorry to be so brutal, but you are a little cunt-teaser. You KNOW, you little vixen, that you are sexy and attractive, and you KNOW that you can make women pant for you. So, my dear Tessa, you have two choices: stop playing games with your customers, just get on with doing their hair, and then go home to be shagged by your boyfriend (which, if my instincts are right, is not much fun for you); or do the right thing, and have a glorious series of love affairs with your horny women clients. After all, they are out for a good fuck just as much as you are! 30 Horny nun You will appreciate that because I am in holy orders, I cannot give you my real name. Just call me Sister Teresa. My problem is that, despite my vows, I am very attracted to one of the novices in our convent. Of course, I would never do anything, but my problem is that I keep having the most erotic dreams about her. I wake up wet, if you know what I mean, and I pray for forgiveness and guidance, but it doesn't help. I do not dare go to the Mother Superior, so I turn to you, good lady, for advice. Sister Teresa. I am not qualified to advise you, dear Sister Teresa, but I can tell you that I am grateful for every dream I have of the kind you described, the kind of dream where you wake up wet and trembling. I regard such erotic moments as a kind of gift from God, and maybe you should do the same. Instead of fighting your natural instincts, why not embrace them? Well, that's all I can really say to you, except that I would bet a big wad of dollars that the Mother Superior, surrounded as she is by dozens of desirable nuns, not only has similar dreams, but enjoys them immensely. I know I would! More to come. Comments to sheilamoist4u@yahoo.com or visit http://groups.yahoo.com/group/whereloveis/