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The Schadenfreude of Elizabeth Harvey

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I knew I might have a hard time justifying it to my husband, but I had to do something nice for Sean. I never would've been able to make this work, time after time after time, without his help. And it wasn't as though I were in the dark about his attitude towards it. He didn't approve, I knew that. That disparaging slant in his eyes as they so briefly took themselves from the chilled-by-night road to the mirror said everything his lips didn't. Despite his feelings he still made a point of helping me. I never had to worry about him calling the police or selling my story to the press. A couple years ago, when I first hired him, I thought it was about the money. In hindsight, I think Sean's loyal silence is more of an act of friendship than anything else. He considered me a friend. That's why he's willing to look the other way.

God bless him.

But I don't even get the chance to think of what I can purchase for him, not when Nikki's gentle fingertips trace their way down the length of my thigh. Even through my pantyhose I delighted at the softness of her touch. It made my skin prickle with goosebumps. I shiver a little, biting my lip, hoping to God that she doesn't cup me, not when I'm this desperate to explode.

"Don't," I rasp, shaking for breath. "Not yet."

Through the corner of my eye I see Nikki bite her plump lower lip, and whimper teasingly at me. "But I want you so bad..."

She plays the part so well. Everything is scripted but laboured for; the counterfeit innocence in her eyes, her ridiculously short skirt, her saucy rouged lips, her generously bared midriff -- she knows how to work women like me from every angle, pushing at us for a response, daring us to give in to our baser instincts, to throw aside our logic and take her into our beds.

And you know what? It was working.

As perpetually fake as Nikki's performance was, I wanted her so desperately then. Even though Sean kept a watchful eye on us from his driver's seat, I hungered for her so badly. As badly as she pretended to want me. It took all my willpower not to grab that hand of hers, the one tenderly caressing my inner thigh, and shove it into my panties, refusing to release it until her lavender-painted fingernails emerged from my womanhood slicked by its juices.

But, fortunately, years of novel-writing and life experience has taught me how to cool my jets when push comes to shove. I knew what I had to tell myself. That it was more than messing up the upholstery or giving Sean a show he didn't want to see. This was the car my kids rode to school in. I pictured my little Angela, bundled up in her puffy pink school coat, mittens, and woollen hat; asking me what that "funny smell" was as I kissed her goodbye tomorrow morning.

Letting Nikki fuck me here was untenable.

Somehow my hand found hers and put it aside. Somehow. "Lets wait until we get to the hotel, okay?."

The stare she gave me was unreadable. Her eyes thinned, like I'd offended her in some way, but she smiled too, as though I'd done something right at the same time. Then she bit her lip again, drawing close to me. I wasn't sure why her doing that, biting her lip, excited me so damn much, but it did. It was like someone had trained her specifically to tease me and with each passing second it was getting that much harder to resist her. Before I even knew it, I was kissing her. Maybe harder than I ever remember kissing any girl who came before her. I kissed her in a way I hadn't kissed my husband in nine years. Who could blame me? Nikki's lips were so soft, like tiny wet cushions of lace. So pink and kissable. I hungered for her so much I just couldn't be tender with her -- my tongue pushed its way through her lips and lapped at Nikki's own. She liked it. I could tell by the way she moaned into my throat. It made her respond to me by slipping her small, chunky fingers around the curves of my waist and up the small of my back, only to settle at my shoulder blades. For a moment I paused, actually choked that she didn't try to unclasp my bra (not that I would've let her do that, of course) but I was too delighted by the way she touched me to complain about it.

Somewhere in the back of my head I could remember that Sean was watching us. I could almost feel his frown burning a hole in the mirror. I know I should be more sensitive to him, especially since none of this would even be possible without him, but with Nikki in my arms I just couldn't care less.

I was on top of her, straddling her young hips with my thicker thighs, when my greed got the best of me. I was fascinated by her midriff from the moment I saw her, but I was always more interested with the mounds that lay north of it. I didn't dare stop myself from grasping at them -- a jerk of the car did it for me. Nikki's lips broke from mine.

"What the hell, Sean?!" I yell.

"Sorry," he apologized, adjusting his dusty yellow baseball cap. "Someone cut me off."

I don't know why I was so receptive to that explanation when I knew what he really thought... but it wasn't my intention to bust his chops either. Reminding myself that he was my closest ally was enough. When the car started moving again Nikki was already sitting upright, adjusting her tank top and fixing her hair back into place. Way to kill the mood. That was I'm thinking. But maybe it's better this way. I can save everything I want about this girl until safer grounds came our way.

The drive was short. No one knew his way around these city streets than Sean did. Before I had time to fix my blouse up we were pulling up in the semi-circular cobblestone driveway of the Iscariot, my reliable old three-star hotel. With my wage packet I could've afforded something so much more impressive than this, but splashing out on a big hotel without my husband or kids in tow, without a good reason for it, would draw unwanted attention to me. For a woman who's lived the kind of life I have, those sorts of mistakes were too stupid for me to make.

While Nikki reached for the door I grabbed my shawl and draped it around my shoulders. I slipped my leather gloves up my hand, every finger slipped sleekly into every compartment, and threw my tresses over my left shoulder. I've always been fussy about my hair when I do this. The public and press knew me by my bun and my penchant for fixing it in place with lacquered chopsticks; so to help cultivate inconspicuousness I let my locks flow freely. It helped that the cornflower blonde of my hair doesn't clash with the pearly white of my shawl at night. The finishing touch were my fake glasses. I'd been wearing contacts for the past six years so they always felt unfamiliar to my nose and ears, but one look in my compact mirror told me "job done; Elizabeth gone, Eliza's back".

So I turned to Nikki and asked. "Shall we go?"

"Sure."

Sean was already ahead of us as we climbed out. Normally he made a point of hiring out the room ahead of time while my quarry and I slipped in undeterred at a later hour. Tonight was no different. As we passed my car by he came close to me whispered that he was going to check us in. I nodded him my thanks and gestured for Nikki to follow me as Sean led us past the doormen into the Iscariot's vestibule. His work was fast, standing in line at the check in desk and discussed my suite reservations with the snappily-dressed young woman behind the counter. I appreciated him all the more for doing it so efficiently.

I turned to Nikki then, just to see how she was. I'm not sure if it was out of knowledge or nervousness, but she kept her distance from me in public. This wasn't a flashy hotel and most of those who passed us by seemed to think little of us, but she knew what she had to do. Somehow she knew. I can't count the amount of times I've had to tell the girls I solicit to behave properly in public. Nikki didn't need that. She didn't even make eye contact with me. Because of that we blended in -- to the average passer by might've looked like mother and daughter, or two distant sisters -- not what we really were. A prostitute and her fly-by-night buyer.

Despite all that, Nikki did seem a little pensive. I felt concerned. It wasn't like I'd never seen her before. I'd seen traces of her across the red light D, climbing into the chugging cars of other women, and I'd always wondered about her, about who she was and how she would be with me. Though I knew nothing of Nikki beside her name and her age, though it might seem odd for me to be worried about someone I so readily treated like a commodity... I wondered what she was thinking now.

Did she hate what she was doing?

Why was she even doing what she was doing?

What did she think of me?

What is-

"I've got the room keys," Said Sean as he came back suddenly, dragging me from my brief reverie. He coolly slipped a key into my palm and gave a warning, "be careful" look. I smiled at him, still knowing that he didn't approve, but knowing too that he was willing to look the other way for a friend.

"Thank you," I whispered to him.

A mere wave and he was off. He went where he always went when I brought girls to the Iscariot; the bar. He required a separate room because he couldn't leave without us (that might look odd) and I knew that he always downed a few shots of whiskey before going to bed. I suppose that was one of the perks of his 'job'. Once every fortnight he got to spend the night at a decent hotel free of charge.

Then my thoughts and my eyes came back to Nikki. "Lets go."

And she followed me. Up the marble steps that partitioned the Iscariot's vestibule as though it were the Red Sea. We took a left at the swirling balustrade and slipped ever so surreptitiously down the adjacent hallway into our assigned room; Eighteen. It was a junior suite and not all that imposing. A pinewood chest of drawers and wardrobe, three arm chairs centred by a coffee table, and a King-sized bed joined to a small upholstered ottoman. The room tone was beige -- best reflected in the paint job and the curtains and furniture. Rather plain, really. Especially in comparison to Nikki.

That was why, when I took off my gloves and my purse hit the floor, my lips were on hers. Nikki didn't waste a beat in kissing me back, shoving her little hands up my back and bracing herself on her tiptoes to return my lust. From the moment I first kissed her, I knew she was special. Most girls I pay for were just so... dour, nervous, and uninvolved. It was like making love on something rather than to someone. Nikki was nothing like that. She was clearly experienced. You know how I knew? It was the way she pressed herself into me, smooshing our stomachs and chests together, it was the way she gave me her sweet little girlish moans, the way she flicked at my tongue with hers like a lollipop. She made me crazy. So crazy I didn't want to bother with any pleasantries.

I broke our deep kiss, grudgingly, to set myself on her tank top. Nikki smiled at me (a smile so convincing she could've tricked me into thinking that she was here for my body and not my money) and lifted up her arms so I could yank it off of her. I was a little surprised to see her small, nineteen-year-old wineglass-shaped breasts rise and fall loosely in freedom, along with the jingle of her many necklaces. I was shocked for a little while... then it made me smirk.

"Why aren't you wearing a bra?" I mentioned between kisses.

Her only reply was a cheeky giggle. Nikki hooked her arm around my neck, shoving our mouths together, while her free hand took mine -- and had it cup her left breast. I shivered -- inside and out. Her skin was so smooth, like a pearl. Nikki's hand moved my own, squeezing it, making me tremble, even more so when her spongy honey-coloured nipple began to swell into rigidity beneath my palm. It set me off. I couldn't stop myself anymore.

The bed was behind her. I threw her down. She landed with another giggle, smiling that sweet smile at me. Nikki's thumbs hooked the waistband of her jeans skirt and pulled it down, slowly, revealing bit by bit her the litheness of her thighs, past her knees, across her ankles and off her cute little toes (somehow she'd kicked off her socks and sneakers without my knowing). Aside from her eighteen or so necklaces, her nose stud and her simple cotton panties... Nikki was utterly naked.

I bit my lip to control my smirk, already aware of the heat between my hips, and joined her in taking everything off; my fake glasses, my shawl, my jacket, my blouse and my skirt, as well as my pumps and (much more carefully) my pantyhose. When I was as naked as she was I was on top of her again, kissing the soul out of her, thrusting my tongue down her throat, grinding my hips up and down her abdomen. Nikki moaned and writhed underneath me. Her adorable hands didn't rest long either. They both came up my sides by slowly exploring the texture of my pale olive skin until she grasped at my larger breasts.

I couldn't help it... I sobbed! I had to stop kissing her and just... love the moment a little, savour that sweet feeling of this nineteen-year-old beauty luxuriously kneading my tits like they were the last pair in reality. The softness of her touch and the smoothness of her skin was undeniable, and she made me feel warm as well as horny. My nipples were already erect, so when she teasingly stroked them with her palms my whole body trembled. And I looked down.

I don't know why it was so easy to appreciate her prettiness when she was touching me so good, but I did. Nikki was so heartbreakingly pretty. Her eyes were a deep emerald, they effortlessly caught the moonlight we basked in. Her eyelashes were thick, she didn't need any liner. Her lower lip had a natural pucker, which blessed Nikki with a constant `pouting' expression, like a kid trying to charm you into buying her candy. Her brow, jaw and chin composed a heart-shaped face framed by heavy bangs that were long enough to graze her eyebrows. Nikki's hair was the luscious colour of dark chocolate. All that, and the tiny diamond stud sparkling off the left nostril her curved nose, equated to the most beautiful girl I had ever had the pleasure of sleeping with.

Then, all of a sudden, I just... I didn't want to let her go.

I didn't want this moment to end. But I knew it would. I knew once she brought me to my climax, she'd take a shower, maybe share a glass of champagne with me, maybe let me take her a few more times during the night, but by morning she'd expect her money and be out of my life as fast as she'd come into it. It wasn't until I looked at her, and she looked at me, that I realized...

"Ugh..."

My eyes rolled into the back of my skull and my thoughts were crushed when a tender pair of lips, one slightly thicker than the other, were juicily wrapped around my right nipple. Nikki was watching me. Even as she suckled at my mound. She was watching me. Watching my face. Watching my cheeks wrinkle by gasps and flower red with heat. She was working me hard, sending me sexual messages, "I'm better than anyone else you've had" and "I'm worth every penny". It was like she was challenging me to resist her and I was so hopelessly failing to.

That was the moment I REALLY couldn't take it anymore.

"Nikki...!," I practically whimpered her name. I knew how pathetic I sounded. I didn't care. I just wanted her inside me. While her mouth devoured my nipple her left hand tended to my other. But as much I loved her chunky little thumb rubbing my stiff nub, I wanted that hand somewhere else. I took it -- and aimed it south. "Make me come..."

She exchanged the suckling of my breast for kisses up the breadth of my neck and let me guide her hand into my underwear. Her fingers lightly tickled my petals, making me shake again. Then Nikki grasped at me. Cupped me. Ran her middle finger down the length of my damp slit. And she made me shiver. She made my hips buck. My stomach rolled inside itself and laboured, heavy breaths escaped me. Nikki's hand swirled inside my underwear until two digits prised their way through my nether-lips. Then I stopped breathing and started moaning, gutturally. I knew I was clamping hard around her wet fingers but they slithered in and out of me so slickly -- and every time she pushed them home another burst of pleasure oozed across my body, setting me aflame from the crown of my head to the tips of my toes.

While her middle and index fingers plied their trade in my womanhood, every bit of arousal that built me up to that point just exploded. I rocked hard on her, didn't even try to mask my groans, grabbed her by the neck and jammed our mouths together again. Once again her tongue flicked and lashed at mine as she stifled my sobs and ate the weight of my screams with our piping hot kiss. I could only breathe through my nose and that made me even more light-headed. My frenzy steadily built toward a summit where it collapsed into blissful, orgasmic release. I spread my hips unconsciously, arched my back, ended my kiss, and cried shallow grunts into the darkness. My torso went stiff for a second, just a second, until I collapsed over my beautiful Nikki; gasping deliriously. I could hardly think. Even as Nikki withdrew her wet hand from my panties I was lost for thought. My heart was pounding in my chest so hard I thought my eardrums were vibrating. All I could do was bask in the glow of my orgasm and relish the feel of Nikki's teenage breasts squished against my own between the two of us.

"...You're amazing," I said somehow, faint of mind.

She bit her lip in that cute way I like. "...Please me now?"

I had enough of my mind left to know that I loved the way she said that. Like we were a couple. It made her all the more adorable.

Our night didn't end with my orgasm. It was just one of many. Over the course of the night I found myself lapping at her sex, eating grapes out of her teeth, pouring wine down the cleft of her breasts and licking up every inch. Everything was a delirious blur, one explosive sexual moment after another, everything seamless; so seamless I wondered if I were dreaming at times.

But Nikki was real.

She was a mystery to me. There was a rebellious look in her eye, a confident tenor to all her actions and gestures, but she also presented to me a kind of submissive fragility... I don't think there`s any other way to describe it.

She made me feel things, in that one night, that I couldn't describe. In my thirty-four years of life I'd never had a sexual experience like it. Nikki fulfilled every passion and enflamed every sensory aspect of myself to a degree I never thought possible. It was like labouring on a novel for years and finally finishing it. She endowed me with a sense of... completeness, I think. Made me forget that I had a kind husband and two wonderful children waiting at home for me, forget how sick I was of hiding my sexuality, forget being the daughter of an esteemed congressman, forget the shallow, artificial clusterfuck my writing career had become.

We fell asleep leaving the room a complete mess but I didn't worry about it at all. I had her in my arms as I slumbered, my larger body completely spooning hers underneath comfy lavender sheets of Egyptian cotton. And for the first time in months I went to bed with a girl... without waking up wallowing in guilt for having purchased her.

It was the beginning of something opulent... and yet so very cruel.

It was the beginning of my Schadenfreude.

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