Date: Thu, 11 Aug 2005 17:43:39 -0700
From: AC
Subject: Amber and Cindy: Part 2

	Neither I nor Amber spoke much on the short drive home.
Occasionally the silence was punctuated when I muttered the directions to
my house, but it always renewed itself immediately after.  I think we were
both kind of surprised at ourselves, or at least I sure was.  It was a
little more difficult to tell with Amber because she always looked so
self-assured.  The only change in her behavior, as far as I could tell, was
that she didn't look over at me for the entire ride.  She appeared
completely calm, cool, and collected.  I'm sure she must be very adept at
hiding things from the world at will.  My mind was already racing a mile a
minute, but this concept was just more proverbial wood into the fire.  I
wanted to know everything about her, every last secret, but I asked no
questions.
	My state of mind was best described as happy/ self-conscious/
jumpy/ embarrassed/ vexed/ energized.  It was all very confusing.  I'd
board a train of thought, and a half of a second later it I'd be thrown off
when the next one charged into the station.
	"Turn left here.  It's the third house on the right" I said.
	Before I knew it, we had arrived at my place.  Amber pulled into
the driveway and set the car to park.
	"Thanks for the ride" I said for lack of a better way to end the
experience, as my brain was still not functioning properly.  I doubted that
even if it was I would have had the courage to say what was on my mind.
	"You're very welcome" Amber responded genuinely.
	"Well, I guess I'll see you at school tomorrow."
	"I'll be there."
	I looked at Amber.  Amber looked at me.  Then, she held out her
hand as if offering to shake mine.  We both smiled at the geekiness, but I
placed my hand in hers.  We held each other each other for a couple
seconds, staring into each others' eyes, the windows to our souls wide
open.  Suddenly I was reminded of who I was, the shy little girl who would
have considered this moment a distant dream had it crossed her mind just
hours before.  I felt extremely self-conscious, so I broke eye contact and
let go.  I turned away and opened the car door.
	"Thanks again" I said, returning to my normal, withdrawn self.
	"No problem" said Amber as I stepped out onto the pavement.  I shut
the door and she pulled away.  I watched her until she was out of sight.
	I walked into my house, ran upstairs, went into my room and closed
the door.  What could I have possibly been thinking?  This wasn't me at
all.  I didn't even have any friends, let alone older, popular ones.  I
hardly knew this girl, yet I had allowed her to take the virginity from my
lips.
	I scrunched up my face in confusion over the person I was becoming.
As much as I wanted to clear my head and forget, I needed to sort through
it so I would be ready when I saw her tomorrow.  I laid down on my bed and
grabbed the stereo remote from my nightstand.  I set it to disc 3 and
pressed play.  Sigur Ros.  My absolute favorite band of all time.  It
always helped me think straight, and this time was no exception.
	To decide where I wanted to go from here, I had to consider my
options.  I could change and try to make things work between me and Amber,
or I could stay the way I was and pretend nothing happened.  The prospect
of evolving into an entirely different person, breaking through my shell
and opening myself up to someone was terrifying.  Proceeding with life as
normal was comforting.  Safe.  Leaving that structured environment for
something more was very risky, especially with a person like Amber.  It's
just asking to get hurt.
	*Do you like her?* another voice in my head chimed in.
	*Yes, I do* I thought back to myself.  *...I really do.*
	It all became clear.  I knew what I must do.  There was no contest:
Amber was my future.  It was almost as though she was sent to change me,
break me free of the bars I had placed around myself.  Show me I was
capable of being so much more than just that shy little girl everyone sees
but nobody really knows.  Once I set myself straight about how I felt about
her, there was no contest.
	I was ready.


	Leaving for school the next day, I was confident and it felt great.
As expected, the day passed slowly, but pass it did.  During math, the
period before study hall (the moment of truth if you will), my confidence
began to falter.  It was slowly being replaced with doubts.  Doubts that
maybe Amber was just leading me on.  Maybe it was all some kind of sick
joke.  I got so flustered psyching myself out that I didn't realize the
bell had rung.  Silently scolding myself, I scrambled around in a frenzy,
stuffing all my things into my bag.  I zipped it up, tossed it over one
shoulder and was almost on my way before I realized I left a couple papers.
No time.  I put them in my mouth and sprinted out of class, knowing I was
already late.  The combination of my lateness and concern for what the next
period would decide for me caused my eyes to mist up.
	I passed through the final stretch and practically flew through the
doorway.  I stopped dead in my tracks.
	Amber wasn't sitting in her normal spot.  In fact, none of her
friends were there either.  The table was completely empty. My heart
plummeted to the ground and I stepped on it as I traipsed to my usual
corner in the back.
	Halfway there, I looked up.  Amber was sitting in my spot, but she
hadn't noticed me yet.  She was leaning forward slightly, hands folded on
the table in front of her.  She was looking down serenely, just sitting,
waiting.  Waiting for me.
	She was waiting for me.
	Emotions crashed over me one after another.  I caught the full
blown effect of the scene in front of me.  I felt like crying and laughing
at the same time.  She was just...so beautiful.  So earth-shatteringly
beautiful my mind went numb, my heart started working double-time, and my
knees went weak.  I was helpless to do anything except stare.
	Amber finally looked up at me and smiled.  I grinned from ear to
ear and tested my legs to make sure they had started functioning properly
again before I walked over to her and sat down.
	"Hey!" said Amber, gorgeous green eyes glowing.
	I was still out of breath, but I couldn't stop myself from
bombarding her with questions vehemently.  "Wait...what are you doing back
here?  Where are your friends?  And why aren't you with them?"
	"Well, my friend is standing right in front of me."  I blushed and
she laughed.  "Oh, the guys all ditched today."
	"But...you didn't want to go with them?"
	"I did tell you I would be here." Amber shot me an empowering
smile.  "Plus, I really do need to take school more seriously.  I can be
with them any time."
	We talked the whole period away.  Well, Amber did most of the
talking, but I loved every minute of it.  For the past week and a half, I
had been collection questions for her that had popped into my head, so
there was plenty to talk about.  Amber instigated most of the
conversations, as I still wasn't quite 100% comfortable with her yet.
Although I had only really gotten to know her for a couple days, I was
starting to be able to read her better.  I could tell she was trying very
hard not to scare me off, but in return she was giving up a part of her
personality.  I considered the ultimatum from her perspective and found it
to be surprisingly similar to my decision to put myself out there for her.
This similarity proved to strengthen my attraction to her.
	"So since class is almost over, I just have to ask if you might be
interested in, you know, going out with me after school today.  We could
just like hang out at the park for an hour or something" asked Amber
hopefully.  "It's cool if you're not, so no pressure."  There was a hint of
vulnerability in the way she asked that made me feel even closer to her. "I
know it's short notice, but..." her voice trailed off.
	"Oh, uhh...okay.  Yeah..."  I stuttered.  I quickly became more
aware of myself and snapped out of it.  "I mean yes.  Yes, I am
interested."  And I was VERY interested.
	"Okay" Amber said, regaining all of her confidence.  She nodded her
head slightly and looked at me.  "Great."
	I gazed back up at her for a second before I reflexively turned
away.  We were dismissed, and I followed the raven-haired beauty (haha) out
to the car just as I had done the day we officially met.  It seemed like an
eternity ago even though it was just yesterday.  We hopped in the car, and
this time I chose the right seat on the first try.
	"So is there anywhere you had your heart set on going to?" Amber
asked me.
	"Nothing I can really think of."
	"Mmkay, then I have something in mind."
	Amber drove around the back of the school to a woodsy, scenic
route.  For a second I thought she was taking me to Flaming Plateau, the
make-out spot in our town.  My eyes went wide and my mouth went dry.  Amber
noticed and almost asked me what was wrong when she must have realized what
I was worrying about.  I heard her snicker at a volume that almost
certainly implied that she wanted me to hear.  I was relieved to see the
turnoff come and go.  We stopped shortly after that at a place quite
similar to the Plateau but completely devoid of people and pressure.  We
exited the vehicle and Amber looked over the top of the car to see my
reaction.  I stared out and saw nature as it had been for thousands of
years.  The sun was shining down on a skyline of heavily forested
mountains, tops seduced by a wispy layer of clouds.
	"It's beautiful..." my voice escaped to a whisper before I could
finish my statement.
	Amber smiled with a closed mouth so that it compacted and bunched
up, giving off the impression of an elated child.
	"Could you draw it?" she asked me, fires burning in her eyes.
	"I could try" I laughed.  "If you want me to."
	The mood was so strong that she started laughing along with me for
seemingly no reason.  I liberated myself from my inhibitions for the day
right then and there.  Amber came over to my side of the car and took my
hand.  It felt great.  She pulled me out into the middle of a grassy area.
We were free, together, happy.  It was almost like she completed me.  Like
she was my other half.
	Amber leaned back and took me down with her.  We fell to the
ground, but our bliss cushioned the fall.  The scene couldn't have been
more perfect if it had been scripted.  For the minute, I couldn't care less
about the homework I hadn't finished, when I should get home, or what
people would think.
	"I don't know what it is, but you changed me.  I'm a completely
different person around you.  I've never been so satisfied with taking it
nice and easy like this.  I mean, right now I'm so content just lying here
together."
	"Yeah, like the littlest things are the sweetest" I added.
	"Exactly."
	We stared up into the sky as we held hands.  As my first step
towards my own metamorphosis and into our blossoming relationship, I
cuddled up closer to Amber.  We had now let go of each others' hand and
were on our side.  Amber was up against my back and her hand snaked its way
over my shoulder.  In silence we listened to each other breathe, not taking
a single second for granted.
	Unavoidably, the contact made passions run high.  Amber applied
pressure to the hand already on my shoulder and then I was on my back again
looking up at her.  Her hair hung low and softly brushed against my face.
She let gravity take her over and she leaned in slowly.  I closed my eyes
and gave my sense of touch full control.  Amber initiated a sweet-tempered,
affectionate kiss on the lips.  We took it slow, smooth and easy, but it
was very sensual.  In the moment, Amber tried to slip in her tongue.  Up
until that point, I had been relying on instinct and it was going pretty
well, but I wasn't exactly sure what to make of this.  I opened my mouth
wider and welcomed her.  I kind of studied what she did and tried to mimic
her movements.  I felt the corners of her mouth raise slightly as if
attempting to curve them into a smile.
	We continued on for a while, but eventually all good things must
come to an end.  Amber sat up and we were forced apart.  With one had she
reached up, caught her hair in between her fingers and smoothed it back.
It was however in vain, because when she let go it fell in exactly the same
way.  I loved it.
	Amber exhaled loudly.  "Well, if I don't stop myself now, you may
never get home."
	I looked down at my watch.  "Oh, yeah it is getting late."  I
wasn't even aware of how long we'd been there.  I took one last look at the
now setting sun and Amber helped me up.  We held hands all the way back to
the car.
	After yet another silent car ride, we arrived at my house.  I
grabbed my backpack and as I opened the door, I thanked Amber for the ride.
I got ready to leave when she cleared her throat purposefully.
	I turned back to her to see if what was up, and she stared back at
me expectantly.  I checked around to see if there was some atmospheric clue
as to what I should do, but in the end I knew what she was essentially
waiting for.  I bent in close and gave her a quick peck on the cheek.
	Amber's eyebrows raised and her mouth was slightly agape.  She
laughed in surprise.  "We'll work on it."