Date: Tue, 19 Feb 2002 16:20:56 +0000 From: Hessa Meena Subject: (lesbian high school) Gutless, pt-4 The morning recital went fine, but Amy refused to look at Katarina and noticed the exasperated glances Dalia kept shooting towards them both. Half way through Amy saw Rachel peeking down from the stands. Her freckled arms were spilling with books, and an impressed look splashed across her face. Amy almost dropped her pick. After the performance Amy refused to talk to anyone, and forced herself to explore the quaint small town feeling that Northampton prided itself on. She took a quick walk around the town, and feeling better returned to their room before lunch was over. Dalia smiled and handed her a piece of paper. "The uh...dorm monitor dropped this off, and invited us to a party so um...here." Dalia waived Rachel's invite, at Amy expectantly, but Amy awkwardly changed the subject. "I thought you had plans with your boyfriend on the base?" Amy was suddenly self-conscious of her unfolding social life in front of their pianist, and clumsily tried to veer away from the subject. Even if nothing but a kiss had transpired with Rachel, she felt like Dalia knew every little detail. Being the pianist, Dalia was always the anchor of accompaniment. Dalia could see one of Amy's fifth-amendment pleas coming on, and didn't say a word. Frustrated, Amy walked to the dining commons alone. The past twenty-four hours had been nothing of the rest she thought it would be. She felt like the only way to deal with the situation was to flip her freakout into over drive. It worked for stage fright. Really play, don't be the uber nerd you are, and face this like a rock star. She laughed at herself. The lunch was boring, pasta and sauce, tons of varieties for tons of girls. She didn't see Rachel anywhere, and got nervous. She blew it, and wanted to apologize for nearly passing out on her bed. What the hell, you finally get a chance to kiss someone sober, and you act like you're twelve. She felt like she was perpetually trapped in grade school and wished she was home on her bed playing guitar. It was definitely a night for a few rounds of The Buzzcocks' SINGLES GOING STEADY. She deserved it, it was perfect whiny, self-hating rock, and the solos weren't even gratifying. Amy watched Dalia enter the house, and braced herself to alter her crabby mood when she felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned around to see Rachel, smiling down at her. Her hair was wet and combed back, and she smelled faintly of chlorine. She wore a white T-shirt, black jeans and loafers. "Hey, get my invite?" Rachel's collage showed various feminine icons from the Venus of Oulandorf to a painting of naked women on a bed, but guitars were pasted on to block out the genitals and breasts. "Yeah..." Amy grinned, and realized she was blushing. "Nice, um collage". She felt her body slip into the flirt mode that Katarina so often mocked, and imagined the posters on Rachel's walls. "What time? I'll bring my friend." Rachel grinned deeper. What will I be telling my friends? "Starts at nine. I'll see ya then?" Rachel seemed a little nervous, and it made Amy want to chew her hands off. Teenage guitarist, never to play again. "Look, Rachel? Um, last night..." "No, I'm sorry." Rachel forced her mouth into a polite smile. "I was a little presumptuous and..." her speech seemed half genuine, half prepared. Amy was bewildered. She felt the same tortured sadness she did when she saw animal cruelty on the television. It always made her wonder why she couldn't feel those things about herself. "And you were right." Amy replied looking in Rachel's eyes. "I wanted to stay, but I was scared." Rachel's eyes narrowed, "I hear that." But the warm moment was over, and she looked at her watch. "I gotta run, maybe I'll see you." It sounded to Amy more like a forced statement than a question, and she imagined buying all the records from the bands on Rachel's walls. As Amy watched Rachel breeze off she allowed herself to gaze at her back under the white T-shirt. "So what's up with you two?" Dalia set her tray on the table and sat down. "Whaddaya mean?" Amy sat blinking, trying to ignore Dalia's grin. "The party invite, for one, girl." Dalia frowned at Amy with that, "You must think I'm stupid" face. "Besides, it sure pissed Katarina off last night." She smiled and bit into her sandwich. "What do you know about that?" "You two weren't the quietest, god, I thought you were gonna do it." She pushed some potato chips around on her plate and glared at Amy. "Ohmigod, I wouldn't do that." Amy stammered. "Hmmm," Dalia took a long draw off her soda and eyed Amy. "Wouldn't do that with me in the room or with a conniving bitch like Katarina?" "I just," Amy got defensive and remembered the feeling of Katarina lying on top of her. "Katarina..." "Katarina will use you, girl." Dalia smiled a tight smile and leaned over towards Amy. "She doesn't know what she wants. At least get someone who does." She thumbed back towards the direction Rachel walked and raised her eyebrows. "She sure does, what did you do last night?" "Jeeez," Amy looked down and took a sip of her soda. "We listened to music. It was nice, she's got all these cool rock bands with chicks on her walls." Amy smiled innocently, and crunched on the ice. "Then she kissed me," Amy blurted. Dalia pushed her tray away and sighed, but looked pleased with Amy's confession. "Look, really. I'm not your mother, but Katarina's not worth you fawning over." Dalia grimaced at Amy's apparent shock. "Get laid, girl." Amy slouched in her embarrassment. "Oh man, I just..." she felt her face getting hot. "I know, you're just figuring your shit out." She smirked. "I've seen it dawn on many a fool, boy and girl watching Katarina play that bass." She shook her head, "It's almost embarrassing." Dalia laughed. "It's as if those hands send out messages that Katarina doesn't know she's transmitting." They both nodded in quiet agreement.