Date: Sat, 30 Sep 2006 15:30:52 +0100
From: Jodie Owen <jodiesline@hotmail.co.uk>
Subject: Summer-Camp-Part 1

   Disclaimer : This story is a series of events that actually happened,
however names have been changed and so have appearances. Some events have
also been added. And it belongs to ME. So you can't rob it. Feedback
Appreciated. JodesLine@hotmail.co.uk


   So here we go again. Another six excruciating weeks at summer camp. I
wished I wasn't such a loser. Maybe then I wouldn't end up on my own every
time. Pathetic little Jodie, standing on her own. Whatever. I didn't give a
shit. I only went 'cos my Mum thinks I enjoy it, and after every thing she
has been through with her depression and all, I couldn't break it to her
that I grew out of summer camp years ago. I hoped there would be some other
15 year olds there; otherwise I was going to look like even more of a twat.
   The countryside seemed to go on for ages. The same old things flying past
the window. Trees, hedges, trees, cows, fields and more trees. Talk about
getting greener with the scenery, I thought to myself, im about to throw up!
  I moved away from the window in disgust.
   "Jodie, honey, are you awake? We're nearly there!"  My mom called.
   "Oh goody," I exclaimed, voice dripping with sarcasm "I can't wait!"
   "Im glad your finally taking an interest! You've been apprehensive over
this camp for ages! Im so pleased you seem to have came to your senses."
Smiled Mum, oblivious to my sarcasm.
   I rolled my eyes and looked out of the front window. We were approaching
a large wooden sign, the words, 'Camp Summertime' scrawled across it like
someone had only ten minutes to paint the sign. Oh the joy, the heavenly
bliss of six weeks in this dump, I thought bitterly, running my hands
through my tousled, blonde hair.
   Dad pulled to a stop in the dusty once-was-decent parking lot and
planting a kiss on his cheek I hopped out to join Mum, already getting out
my rucksack and suitcase.
   "Have a good summer sweetie! Call me!" Said Mum pulling me into a hug.
   "Bye Mum, see ya Dad." I carelessly waved goodbye and made my way over to
the small wooden cabin labelled 'Register here.' To be honest, I was glad to
be away from them for a bit.
   "Name, miss?" Enquired a spotty, greasy looking teenager sitting in the
hut.
   "Jodie. Jodie Owen" I muttered.
   "Owen eh? Back again! To be honest, I don't see what you see in this
camp!" He chortled, only to look up and find that I had already walked off
and was dragging my feet along the leafy ground towards my tent.
   I was assigned to tent 5.  I wandered in and dumped my bags at the foot
of one of the unstable-looking beds in the corner of the tent, not
particularly caring which one. Several bags and cases where sprawled across
the floor but the tent was unoccupied. I wondered whom I would be sharing
with. Hopefully it would be better than the drugged up, alcoholic girl that
I had last year. I turned and headed straight for the main building in
search of a vending machine, or something to supply me with some food!
   As I left the tent, I took in my surroundings. Behind me, were a row of
about 10 tents, a sign labelling them as 'Tents 1- 10'. Across the other
side of the grassy clearing was a row of 10 more tents, Identical to the
others except for being labelled 'Tents 11-20'. Behind those tents was a
small building with about two windows, clearly labelled 'Toilet Block'. Like
they could call it a toilet block!! 'Toilet Hut' would be more suitable for
that decrepit little shed! And finally, if you head through some trees,
along a dirt track, a long, relatively new looking building stood in front
of you, labelled 'Auditorium', basically where you eat and hang out if its
raining. That's where I was on my way to. I threw a look behind me at the
dirt track leading to the lake. I could hear splashes and screams coming
from that direction. The lake was the only bit about camp I enjoyed. I was
looking over my shoulder for so long that I didn't notice the girl coming up
beside me and smacked straight into her shoulder.
   SPLAT! There I was, in the dirt, looking up to see whom id hit. Wow. I
felt like I'd been struck to the floor again when I saw this girls face. Her
lengthy, auburn hair fell in untidy layers around her shoulders, her slender
body bent forward to see if I was ok, and her eyes...
    "Are-Are you ok? I guess I didn't see you there! My names Adrienne!" She
extended a hand.
   Wow her eyes.... Blue pools of pure bliss, hinted with a dash of darker
blue. I was lost. Captivated. I was.... drooling?!?!
   The most attractive girl I'd ever seen in my life was giving me her name
and a hand and here I was, spread-eagled in the dirt, drooling at her not
saying a word. Way to go Jodes! Snap out of it it! SAY SOMETHING!! I shook
myself, wiped my mouth and took her hand. As our skin made contact I felt a
surge of emotion and found myself erupting in goose bumps.
   "J-Jodie, and, um, it was, uh, my fault im sorry..." I murmured. My voice
had got sort of clogged up somewhere along the line, so it came out all deep
and throaty.
   She was looking at me strangely, especially as she'd noticed me drooling,
but she seemed willing to give me another chance because she began to talk,
   "God, have you been here before, this is like the 5th time I've came, it
really sucks right?! Im 14 by the way, how old are you?"
   She was amazing. Just talking away like that. To me. Why was she talking
to me? Just because she knocked me into the dirt doesn't mean she has to
befriend me! Why would anyone want to talk to Jodie Owen! But she was
incredible...Oh My God, I'm staring at her again! I'd better answer before
she does stop talking to me!
   Adrienne was staring at me with a concerned look across her beautiful
features. Her perfect eyebrows furrowed slightly as she blinked at me.
   "I...15...yeah...uh...have been before...fun...." I uttered stupidly.
What was wrong with me?? What the bloody hell was I thinking?? Why hadn't I
see her here before?! Why couldn't I talk straight to her? Mouth, brain, you
have let me down! Where is your coordination!!
   "Um ok, ill catch you later ok?" Adrienne said tentatively, whilst giving
me weird looks. She turned and glided effortlessly to the auditorium, and I
just stood there gazing in her wake, still sprawled in the dirt. I wanted to
call her, tell her not to go, but nothing came out. What was up? A memory of
her eyes flitted into my minds eye. I think im falling in love. No! Where
did that come from?? Im not gay! But she's beautiful, gorgeous... sexy...
Ohmigod! I'm gay! I quickly hurried after Adrienne, trying to work out my
muddled brain.
    As I sprinted after her, kicking up dirt behind me, it didn't matter to
me whether I was gay or not; all that mattered was that I caught up with
this girl and made her my friend. My once famished stomach was forgotten and
I realised that when I went inside the auditorium to find Adrienne, I didn't
really want to go for the whole-hair-plastered-to-sweaty-red-face look. You
know what I mean? It's not really a look that suits me, so I slowed down
considerably and side stepped into the toilets to sort myself out.
   "Oh my GOD!!  I THOUGHT it was you when I saw you talking to that girl
earlier, she's a bitch by the way; I was speaking to this girl that knows
her, but anyway, oh my GOD you're here AGAIN! Like me! YAY!"
    I whipped around to confront the high-pitched rambling voice from behind
me. I hadn't heard a word she had said to me apart from 'that girl is a
bitch,' and I was furious. How DARE she?!?  When I turned around I saw the
girl who had been my camp buddy for the 3 years we'd both been sent here.
Her name was Ruth and although she was very pretty, right now, all I wanted
to do was scream in her face for assuming that about Adrienne.
    "She's not a bitch." I said through gritted teeth.
    "Huh?"  Ruth looked perplexed.
   "Her name is Adrienne, and she's NOT a bitch." I injected a deathly quiet
into my voice as I spoke, and Ruth could sense from my tone that this
subject was not to be pushed, at least not for now.
   "Urrm, ok. Look, it doesn't matter. But it's good to see you Jodie.
You've got prettier since last summer..." She flushed a violent red and
looked down at her feet.
   I'd always had a feeling that perhaps Ruth liked me as more than a
friend. I mean, you know, LIKED me. And to be fair, she was a pretty girl.
Her hair was dark brown and mussed up in a stylish kind of way. She had
bright, bubbly hazel eyes that glinted mischievously whenever she got
excited. But you know, im not gay so, whatever. Right?
     "Hey, thanks Ruth," I pulled her into a quick hug, and I already saw
that sparkle in her eyes beginning to emerge. "Let's grab a coke or
something from the auditorium, yeah?"
     "Sure, that's cool."
     She took my arm and we left the toilets, waving to various friendly
faces as they passed by.
     "You er, wanna go to the lake or something later?" Ruth asked shyly.
    Damn. I'd been hoping to spend some time with Adrienne. That was, if she
didn't think I was weird already. But hey I guess I could always invite her
along.
  "I guess." I muttered distractedly.
  "Jodie? Are you ok? You seem a little, well, distant." Questioned Ruth.
  By this time we had reached the auditorium doors and I self-consciously
raised a hand to my hair to make sure it was tidy.
     "Jodie? Jodddesss!"  Ruth was becoming impatient, but it was too late.
Id already spotted Adrienne. She was sitting in the middle of a group of
girls, talking animatedly. It was clear she was the life and soul of this
discussion. All eyes were on her, and I felt a sudden surge of jealousy
towards all the people sitting close to her. I let go off Ruth's arm hastily
and tried to catch Adrienne's eye. Ruth's whining voice faded out and in a
sort of slow motion Adrienne turned and looked straight at me. Startled, I
smiled meekly and looked at my feet before looking up again to see Adrienne
standing up, fighting her way out of her group of friends. Great. She was
running away from me. I KNEW I should have actually tried to speak to her
before. I'm such a loser. It's official.
   But, wait, she wasn't running at all. In fact, she was now beaming at me
and making her way over.
   "Hey! It's err Jodie isn't it? You remember me right? I knocked you into
the dirt!" She laughed. I laughed too, although I was laughing because in my
head I was thinking: "Remember you? REMEMBER you? Ha, I haven't stopped
thinking about you since we met!" But I decided not to say that. Instead I
nodded.
   "Erm Adrienne, this is Ruth, Ruth this Adrienne," I said, warily eyeing
Ruth to make sure she remembered our little conversation in the toilets.
   "Oh yeah, Hi, I mean, you must be pretty special or something because
Jodie's been gazing at you for ages and completely ignoring me for about
half an hour," Ruth growled, giving me a cold look.
   I felt myself crimson and I laughed nervously, elbowing Ruth, but I was
so embarrassed that it came out  "ha ha heh heh hurrm hum hurrrrrrrrrrrm."
Luckily, Adrienne thought she was joking and laughed loudly.
   "Ok! Hey Ruth! So Jodie do you want to go for a walk? I just got away
from all my friends, you see!"
   "Sure Adrienne...Errm Ruth, I'll see you later ok?" I muttered
apologetically to Ruth.
   "Whatever. I need to go and see Zoë anyway."  She said, in a hurt voice.
   I felt very guilty about leaving her so I leaned across and gave her a
peck on the cheek. As I suspected it would, it cheered her up dramatically
and she grinned happily at me and skipped off. Hmm, I thought, I guess maybe
she is gay? But then maybe im not the straightest of people either. Ruth is
attractive but I don't THINK I fancy her. I turned and began to walk with
Adrienne. When we were out the door, Adrienne looked at me curiously.
   "What??" I laughed, feeling self-conscious.
   "Nothing, Its just I didn't realise you and Ruth were like, you know,
together...." Adrienne murmured bashfully.
   "WHAT!!! NO! I mean, well, we're just friends! I kiss all my friends on
the cheek! It's nothing! Really!" I cried. How could she think that?? I
didn't want RUTH!! I wanted HER! Oh...but wait... I thought I said I wasn't
gay???
   "Well, actually, the kiss bit was perfectly normal, its just the way she
seemed so...possessive of you, and then sort of bounded off so happily after
you kissed her, like she'd just won a beauty contest or something..."
Adrienne looked up at me, tentatively.
   "Oh I see, well I don't know how she feels, but we aren't together so..."
I trailed off, searching for conversation that was off the subject of
gaydom.
   "Hey, its ok you know, I'm not homophobic or anything. I don't mind at
all." Adrienne persisted.
   "Look Adrienne, I'm NOT gay ok!! Im NOT!" I insisted, perhaps a little
too forcefully.
   Realising she had touched on a bad subject she looked immediately
apologetic and started to stay something, but I cut her off, too embarrassed
to listen.
   "Erm you know what, phew, im tired, so I think im gonna crash for the
night ok?" I feigned a yawn and hurried away, leaving a speechless Adrienne
puzzled behind me. After all, it was about 8 o clock and not even dark yet.
   When I skidded to a halt in front of my tent, I threw a glance over my
shoulder and saw Adrienne, quite a distance away, walking slowly back to the
auditorium. She repeatedly ran her hand through her hair and was staring
intently at the ground. What was up?? Oh no. She'd figured I was gay. But
how? Not even I was sure!
   Suddenly my head was buzzing with all the questions that needed answering
and I pushed through the tent flap, frustrated.  I was greeted by three,
sweet looking girls, all of them sitting at the end of their bunks chatting
excitedly. They looked up as I entered and I smiled cheerily, masking
whatever confusion I'd had outside of the tent
   "Hello. Im Jodie. I'm in the bunk over there." I said almost robotically,
carelessly waving my hand towards the bed that was mine.
   A girl with dirty blonde hair and large brown eyes spoke up; "Hi Jodie,
I'm Leanne!" She grinned.
   "I'm Ashley, nice to meet you!" Piped up the ginger girl.
   "Oh hi, my name's Jasmine, but just call me Jas ok." 'Jas' was pale and
skinny and had long, black hair with a hint of purple in it. I noticed that
she was considerably colder towards me than the other girls.
   Face still plastered with my everything-is-fantastic smile I strode over
to the bunk and flopped, face down, into my pillow, exhaling loudly as I did
so.
   "So, are you ok Jodie? Have you been here before? Its so exciting, don't
you think?"
   The jabbering came from Ashley, it seems she was rather an enthusiastic
girl.
   Without raising my head, I replied wearily, "Yes im ok, and yes, I've
been here before, this is my third time you see. I've been coming since I
was 12."
   "Cool!" She cried.
   "So girlies, have we seen any boys we like??" Asked Ashley, with a
mischievous wiggle of her eyebrows.
   "Oh, well, seeing as you should ask, I have a boyfriend already!" Drawled
Jas.
   " Already??? I don't believe it! We haven't even been here a day!
You...you...HUSSY!" Laughed Leanne. " What's his name, and how did this come
about?!?!"
   "Well," Jas said slowly, "His name is Ryan, and when I was around the
back of the auditorium, looking for the money that I'd dropped, he just,
sort of, asked me out!"
   "God Jas..." Sighed Leanne, disapprovingly. She turned to me. "What about
you Jodie? Your very quiet."
   I liked Leanne. She was very down to earth and not to mention strikingly
pretty. But the question she asked me caused me to freeze up. I didn't want
to tell her that I'd never had feelings for boys before, therefore resulting
in being deprived of my first kiss.
   "I, well, I..." I faltered. "Not really been here long enough to see
everyone!" I said quickly, recovering myself.
   "Ha." Jas laughed mirthlessly and tuned her attention towards unpacking
her trunk.
   "It's ok, I agree." Leanne offered reassuringly.
   Smiling fixedly, I returned to my face down position, realising this was
going to be a long 6 weeks.

***********************
   And so camp continued. Adrienne avoided the subject of my strange
behaviour that day and acted like nothing had happened. I was grateful for
this and I fell asleep each night thinking of Adrienne, woke each morning
wondering about Adrienne and always tried my best to spend as much time as
possible with Adrienne. Although I considered Adrienne my best friend within
a few days (sorry Ruthie), I always hoped that perhaps she would like me as
more than a friend. I knew that I hadn't quite figured myself out yet, but I
knew what I wanted: Adrienne. And if that meant being gay; then so be it. It
was like being a newborn baby that was hungry. It knows that it wants food
but it doesn't immediately put a name to that desire therefore it doesn't
think, "Oh, I'm hungry," it just wants food. And that's what I felt like. I
wanted Adrienne but I did not call myself gay or bisexual because I didn't
know that I was. Even though sadly, it seemed Adrienne was straight. She
spoke to me about a guy called Eddie that she liked. I liked to pretend that
this was just a charade of hers and that secretly she was into girls and
just trying to cover up, but deep down I knew that that wasn't true.
  I hoped that I had done a good job of not showing Adrienne that I liked
her. I always acted what I thought was 'mysterious' around her. I made sure
not to talk about boys just in case she WAS into me, but then I didn't go
blurting out that I thought I was gay, either. Also, I became incredibly
conscious of Ruth all of a sudden. I was always aware of when she was
flirting with me, whereas before I would barely notice, or even care,
because I wasn't homophobic at all. But now, I was starting to kind of...
enjoy it. I anticipated it when she spoke to me and whenever she gave me a
coy look or her hand lingered a little to long on mine whilst passing me
something, I felt something in my stomach that I could not quite comprehend.
And then one day, about two weeks into camp, I was sitting in my tent with
my roommates when a conversation occurred that had me feeling a little hot
under the collar.
    We were all sitting at the edges of our bunks like the first night we
met. Occasionally, Jas's phone would bleep and she would laugh sheepishly,
obviously sharing a private joke with her boyfriend, Ryan. The conversation
varied around many subjects, but it was inevitable that it would end up back
to boys. We were teenage girls, after all.
   At about half past eleven, Ashley asked, "how far have you gone with a
guy?"
   "All the way," grinned Jas, proudly.
   Leanne, Ashley and I looked incredulously at Jas.
   "What?" She demanded. "What have you little girlies done?"
  "Quite a lot, but not ALL the way." Said Ashley, blushing.
   "Oh yeah, same." Agreed Leanne waving her hand dismissively and not
making eye contact with anyone.
   I gulped. I knew what was coming. How the hell was I going to get out of
this one? I couldn't lie. I was crap at it and no doubt I would end up
feeling guilty, after all, they had been honest with me.
   "Jodie? What about you?" Sneered Jas, noticing my silence. I searched my
brain frantically for a sufficient answer.
   "Ah, not a lot." I said. I had hoped it to come out dismissively, but it
came out choked.
   "Tell us," Leanne said softly, "It's ok."
   "She hasn't done anything, have you Jodes? You haven't even had your
first kiss!" Jas laughed meanly and shook her head in disgust.
    I could feel my face burning. I smiled sheepishly and averted my gaze to
my trunk, which had suddenly become very interesting.
   "I don't mean offence, but how could you not? Don't you get the urge to
do things when you're with a boy?"  Ashley said, confused.
   "I...."
   "What she means, is don't you get lust?" Jas blurted out.
   I had had boyfriends before. Plenty actually. I just never felt close to
them. Never got that burning, hot desire to be anything more than friendly
with any of my boyfriends. I simply preferred to just sit and chat. Much to
the frustration of them, of course. I was dumped many times simply because I
would not kiss or touch my boyfriends. But it never bothered me much because
I never really fancied them. But don't get the complete wrong idea. I had
felt lust before. Oh I had. Pure, burning lust. Such a strong,
uncontrollable force that envelopes you in its dirty sins and fantasies.
Except the problem was, I'd had these feelings for a friend of mine. A girl
friend of mine. She had been my best friend in year seven, and whenever I
was with her I would be overcome with this amazing want to kiss her. But I'd
always refrained. Always denied to myself that I was gay. Simply put it down
to an intense, close friendship. But a jeering Jas interrupted my thoughts.
   "Maybe she's gay!" She laughed. Leanne looked down at her feet, probably
embarrassed for me, I thought bitterly. Everyone else laughed too. Including
me. I FORCED myself to laugh so I could hide the fear in my eyes that she
had figured me out before I had figured me out. But she was joking. It was
clear she was, and no one expected in the slightest, that she wasn't. So I
breathed again, and avoiding Jas's previous question I flopped backwards
into my pillows and yawned dramatically, feigning fatigue for the second
time since arriving here.
  "Well im tired, so night people." I said to no one in particular.
"Me too." Echoed Leanne, Ashley and Jas.
   I lay back and dug my fingers deep into my eyes into my eyes until I saw
stars. Climbing back on to my train of thought, I realised that what I'd
called an 'intense friendship' with the girl from year seven, I'd had many
times before and each time told myself it was just friendship, that I was
NOT lusting after girls, that these were NOT crushes and that I was NOT gay.
But after meeting Adrienne, it suddenly all fit. The way I felt so different
and isolated when I was about eight. The way I'd see a girl and get a
strange feeling, a sort of longing, in my stomach and then dream about that
girl at night, not fully understanding why, and also the feelings that were
absent for boys.
   It made perfect sense. I knew for a fact that my feelings for Adrienne
were more than friendly. Before I could have ignored it, but not this time.
These feelings were too intensified. Too strong. Too clear. It was obvious
that I fancied Adrienne and that I'd fancied others before her. It was
obvious that I was gay. But I hadn't met Adrienne and turned gay. That
wasn't the case at all. I'd always been gay its just that meeting Adrienne
had forced me to face it and stop hiding. She had sort of opened my eyes to
the fact that I was not as other girls were. She was kind of a REASON to
face it. I guess I thought that if being gay meant I could have Adrienne,
and hug her and touch her and maybe even kiss her then I wanted to be gay.
So even thought part of me resented Adrienne for showing me I was different,
the rest of me thanked her, for she had shown me the real me.
   Finally, at peace with my mind, the continuous buzzing in my head had
stopped and, deciding I would think more about it later, I fell into a deep
restful sleep.

******************************************
    When I woke the following morning, I was alone in the tent. My 'roomies'
had already risen and were probably in the auditorium eating. I sat up,
planning to see some of Ruth today. I have to admit I'd kind of neglected
her over the past two weeks. Although I had sort of accepted my new found
sexuality, I had decided to keep it to myself because others were not so
understanding. That also meant hiding it from Adrienne, which was ok,
because I didn't want her to freak out or anything. Right now all I wanted
was her friendship. I needed it.
   I picked up my watch and had to do a double take. It was half past one in
the afternoon!! No wonder everyone was gone! I'd missed breakfast, so I
figured I would find some company down at the lake. I dressed and headed
off, in a surprisingly good mood for someone who had just figured out that
her situation was every Mothers nightmare.
    I trudged down to the lake and the first person I saw was Ruth. My
stomach flipped. I hadn't thought about her last night when id realised the
truth. It seemed, that perhaps I did fancy her, just a little bit though. It
didn't even come close to how I felt about Adrienne. But all the same, what
was wrong with a bit of fun with this? I needed to test it out after all.
You know, practice for the final. Practice for Adrienne.
   My thoughts all of a sudden shocked me. How could I be thinking like
this? These were my friends. How could I be so wanton? But then again I knew
she liked me; and I sort of liked her, what was wrong with a bit of
flirting? It wouldn't harm. But Ruth had feelings too, that was what I
needed to remember. I needed to find out how she really felt about me, I
wouldn't want to lead her on, that would be downright cruel. However, before
I had much more time to think about this Ruth came over to me.
   "Hi..." she said. She hesitated and her eyes raked my body. "Are you ok
this morning Miss Owen?" She reached forward and wrapped her arms lightly
around my neck, planting a kiss on my cheek.
   This time it was my turn to redden. Things had really changed. At first
Ruth had been the shy one and I had just been the friendly girl that she
fancied, but knew nothing would come of it. Now, she was aware of the
changes in me just as much as I was. She had noticed the way I had sort of
welcomed her flirting and I could swear her flirtatiousness had intensified.
She seemed to know what she was doing and she was driving me mad. Now fully
aware that I liked girls, this was a good opportunity and I found myself
lusting badly after Ruth.
   "Hey, im good thanks. And you?" I gently detached myself from her and she
rested her hands on my waist. Anyone else would have seen it as friendly but
that swirling pool of lust inside my stomach was starting to churn and she
was taking me to the brink of insanity.
   "Im ok. Do you want to take a walk?" She asked. Ruth was clever. She was
almost certain now that there was something between us and she was taking
advantage of it. She would never have dreamed of being this way a few days
ago, but the way my eyes had glazed over and how I was almost swaying with
light-headedness had encouraged her, given her the confidence she needed to
take he next step after crushing on me for three years.
   "Sure," I murmured. She started to walk and I followed, mindlessly,
overcome by the same desires I'd had with girls in year seven, eight and
even nine. Speeding up, I fell into step with her.
   "So where are we going?" I enquired faintly.
   "I don't know really, I just wanted to be somewhere a little quieter,"
she replied with an air of poise. She seemed so confident. We came to a
wide, rotten tree stump and I sat down, watching here as she sat down next
to me. She seemed to be taking deeps breaths. I could feel something
different now, something in the air. Something big was about to take place
and I knew that it involved Ruth and I on this tree stump.
   "Why?" I wondered, becoming impatient now. I wanted this. Right now, I
wanted her. And she lifted her head to face me. My breathing quickened. I
could feel her hot breath on my face. See inside her mouth, her glistening
tongue.
   "Why? Because of this." She whispered to me, and she closed the gap
between our faces. I closed my eyes. I felt our lips meet. Hers pushing into
mine. I felt the lust growing, my head becoming blank of all thoughts except
satisfaction. I leaned into the kiss and felt her lips part slightly. I
followed suit and felt her tongue slither across my bottom lip. At that
moment, I thought of Adrienne. I don't know why or how she suddenly made it
into my thoughts when my mind would allow nothing but the kiss to become
important. I suddenly felt a wave of guilt, like I was betraying her even
though technically I wasn't in any way. But it was so powerful it made me
feel sick, replacing the searing sensation I had had just minutes before.
Unable to carry on I pulled away quickly. Ruth looked startled, scared even.
   "What's wrong? I thought you wanted this," she said quietly, scanning my
face for any sign of explanation.
   "I can't." I whimpered. And without any further ado, I burst into tears
and dashed out of the woods. Adrienne would not be eliminated from my
thoughts and an image of her sat clearly in front of my eyes. I ran blindly,
my feet pounding the earth, my heart beating out of my chest, the tears
still cascading down my face. I didn't understand. I truly didn't. But then
I thought of something that hit me so hard I bent double over my knees and
gasped for air. I was in love with Adrienne. It had to be true. It was the
reason she haunted my thoughts every waking second of every waking day, it
was the reason I dreamt about her at night, it was the reason I felt a surge
of true feelings and undeniable emotion whenever she brushed past me or
touched me, it was the reason I could get lost in her eyes as though I was
falling into a deep, bottomless pit, it was the reason I would tremble
whenever I saw her walking towards me and it was the reason I had overcame
my lust for Ruth.
   Struck with sudden understanding, I began running again, this time for
the lake where I hoped I could find Adrienne. She may never know how I truly
felt about her, but right now I needed her arms around me. I started to get
a cramp in my side and slowed down to a halt, leaning against a tree trunk,
I rested my face against it and smelled the pine-fresh scent, the kind that
could not be manufactured in those pathetic little car fresheners that were
supposed to smell like this tree. I smiled ruefully to myself when I
remembered the time Ruth and I had played hide and seek in the woods when we
were eleven, and she had gotten lost. I had found her asleep by a tree that
was somewhere not far from this one. I felt terribly bad about leaving her
like that. She was a good friend and its not that I didn't like her, it was
just because of the circumstances. If Adrienne had not been here this year,
I would have continued kissing Ruth. But then again, if Adrienne hadn't been
here this summer, I probably wouldn't have even worked out that I was gay.
Clutching my side, I hobbled on further until the sound of water and the
sound of hyper, laughing kids became clear through the branches. I Stopped
by another tree and peered through the undergrowth at the lake, searching
for a head of shining auburn hair reflecting the glorious summer sunlight. I
could not see Adrienne. I was about to straighten up when I felt a hand on
my shoulder. At first I thought it was Ruth, having followed me out of the
clearing, but then I felt little shocks of electricity speeding through my
body causing me to gasp, and I realised, without even looking, that it was
Adrienne.
   "Sorry, I didn't mean to give you a fright," she said quickly, mistaking
my sudden inhalation for fear.
   I turned and smiled up at her at a loss for words, staring deep into
those eyes that seemed to penetrate my very soul. Whenever she looked at me,
I always felt she read whatever I was thinking.
   "Hey, ssh, don't cry, honey," she whispered as she noticed my tears. She
took my shoulders and pulled me into her arms. I felt myself sinking into
her, breathing in that fresh, clean smell of strawberry shampoo in her hair,
and taking in the scent of her perfume, a smell that I imagined would be
burned into my memory forever, even when I was old.
   I sobbed into her neck, my fingertips gripping her as I clung on for
comfort. I could not say anything. I was too overwhelmed with my emotion for
her. All I could do was hold her tightly against me and wish that she would
understand.
   "What happened to you...?" she sighed softly into my ear, exasperated.
   I don't know exactly why it happened, but at that point, I blacked out.
Maybe it was because of all the intense emotion sweeping through my veins or
perhaps the power of being held so close to Adrienne. Whatever it was, it
caused my body to give and I came round only to see four faces gazing down
at me. One was Adrienne, her face expressing all the concern I needed to
see. Next, there were two camp monitors, peering down at me with an
appearance of complete bewilderment. The fourth face was of course, Ruth.
She wasn't bending over me, or looking anxious for me, she was standing
straight, only her head bent to look at me as if she was apprehensive about
getting too close. When our eyes met she looked away hastily and made feeble
excuses about having to go now that she knew I was ok. I squirmed with guilt
and tried to get up.
   "Whoa there, slow down a minute! We need to check that you're ok!"  One
of the camp monitors said, laughing nervously.
   "I'm fine, I just need - Adrienne, help me up!" I insisted.
   "Are you sure? You just passed out, have you eaten, I mean -?" Persisted
the camp monitor.
   "She's ok, I'll take her." Adrienne cut over him, sensing my urgency.
   "Well, ok, but be careful with her." The camp monitors turned and
strolled back towards the direction of the lake. I clamoured to my feet and
looked down, embarrassed, at my feet.
   "What is it Jodie? What went on in there? You were so upset and then you
just...went out. I asked Ruth what had happened and she went crazy and
accused me of blaming her. What's going on?" Adrienne was bemused. She was
wondering if she'd missed something, and she was suspicious of what had
happened in the woods with Ruth.
   "Adrienne, it's ok, I was just... I hurt my knee." I finished pitifully.
I didn't think for a second she would buy it, but what else could I say??
   "Hurt you knee?" She frowned. "I can't see anything on you knee. And you
were almost hysterical. What really happened?" She gave me a sceptical look.
   "Oh well I guess it kind of hurt a lot." I lied.
   "Ok...Can't you just tell me what was up? Im not one to judge, Jodie, you
know that. I wont laugh or anything. Honest. You can tell me." She pressed.
   "It's nothing Ade, don't worry about it, im fine, and I don't know what
was up with Ruth either, maybe she's got her period." I made an attempt at a
laugh but my voice crippled.
   "Why wont you tell me? I thought we were close. I thought you trusted me.
I care about you Jodie, I just want to know what got you so worked up like
that and I want to help!" She said desperately, her voice rose ever so
slightly and she turned away, hurt.
   I was tainted with guilt and I wrung my hands in infuriation. I wanted so
badly to tell her but I feared it would destroy our friendship.
   "It's not that I don't want to tell you, of course I trust you Adrienne,
I just, well, I-," my voice trembled and I took a deep breath, willing
myself strength to continue.
   "I just don't think you'd understand." I said timidly.
   "Ok Jodie. I see." Wounded, Adrienne began to walk away and I suddenly
felt empty. How could I have done this? This wasn't even my fault!! I wanted
so much to stop her but I didn't know what I would say. I stood and watched
her, blurred through my tears and made my way back to my tent.
   When I got inside, I unintentionally ran into Leanne, on her way out.
   "Sorry," I said hoarsely.
   "Whoa are you ok? You're really pale. Have you been crying?" She
exclaimed.
   "No im fine. Listen, if you see Adrienne, will you tell her im sorry?" I
mumbled. I was biting back more tears, afraid of hurting anyone else. I'd
already upset two of my closest friends today.
   "Sure, no problem. You going to be alright?" She said, examining my face
closely. She rested her hand on my arm gently.
   "Fine, fine."
   She ambled out of the tent sensing that I wanted to be alone and I let
myself fall into my pillows sobbing without restraint.  What was I going to
do now? I couldn't believe I'd managed to upset her, especially after
recognizing what I felt for her. She'd seemed generally saddened by my
secretive behaviour and I wanted to do something about it. But what? I
couldn't tell her, it was out of the question, wrong move, not happening.
But I was too exhausted to think about it right then and at some point I
fell into a light, uncomfortable doze. I dreamt of many different things,
most of which ended up with me being alone. When I awoke, I felt a bit
fresher and was about to get up and shower, when someone rapped on the
wooden post outside of the tent flap.
   "Jodie...Are you in there? I need to talk to you." Adrienne's hesitant
voice drifted through the flap and I felt my heart beginning to pound at a
million miles per hour.
   "It's ok, come through, I have to talk to you as well."
   She appeared in the gap and sat down next to me on my bed. For a second
there was a painful silence before we both began talking at once.
   "Look I realise that-,"
   "Hey, listen, I didn't mean to-,"
   "Ok me first," Adrienne said. "It's ok if you don't want to tell me
what's wrong. I realise that I've been unfair because it's your life and you
need your privacy. All I wanted to do was help and I thought you were trying
to stop me but when I thought about it, I realised that you'd asked for my
help when you'd came to me for comfort. And im glad that you trusted me to
do something for you. So I'm sorry," She finished breathlessly, having said
all of it rather rapidly.
   "Oh Ade." I moaned. I rested my head against her shoulder, taking in that
beautiful aroma once more. "Don't think anything of it. It's just,
complicated, you see. I will tell you. When im ready." I smiled up at her
with relief. Everything was going to be ok. For now.
   "So, do you want to come for a walk?" She implored.
   "Actually, I was hoping to catch Ruth for a bit. I need to chat to her
about something. But I'll see you later on tonight. And thanks Adrienne. I
needed this." I bent and brushed her cheek with my lips. I had to bite my
bottom lip afterwards to stop it form quaking. I rushed out of the tent
filled with a new sense of exhilaration.  I would find Ruth and we would
talk about it. But where would she be?? I headed blindly towards the
auditorium because I couldn't think where else she would be. As I walked
past a tree, I stumbled on something and whirled around to see what had
tripped me. It was a foot. I traced the leg upwards to the face. Ruth was
sitting there looking at me as though I had struck her. She looked anxious
and worried and I stooped and sat beside her. I noticed the tips of her
fingers were sore and bleeding where she had gnawed them, no doubt from
nerves.
   "Ruth." I touched her face. "Don't look so terrified. It's ok."
   "I don't understand Jodie. I thought - I thought that.... Well I thought
that you liked me." She burbled.
   "I do like you Ruth. Just, just not in that...way."
   "But you were giving me the signs Jodes. Don't try to deny it because im
not stupid. And at first, you didn't even pull away. What happened?"
   "Im sorry if you thought I was flirting with you Ruth, I didn't realise,"
I lied because I didn't want her to know I was a lesbian. Even if she was, I
wasn't ready for people to know about me right now.
    "And the kiss, well, it was just the heat of the moment, I guess. You
kissed me and I didn't know what to do so I kissed back. It was a mistake
though, Im not that way, im straight." I said firmly, lying copiously.
   "It's ok. But, Jodie? Don't hate me for being gay. It's not my fault, it
really isn't. I didn't ask for it. And I guess it just got the better of me
in the woods, I just misunderstood. It won't happen again," she promised.
   I laughed inside of myself. How I could I blame her for being gay? I knew
the feeling exactly. And maybe I had lead her on a bit, but after lying so
profusely I was going to have to make sure I kept my lust on a leash from
now on.
   "Ok Ruthie. I don't care what you are. It's whom you are that matters.
And you are amazing ok? So we'll leave it at that." I rose and grinned at
her. I set off towards the auditorium and when I reached the doors I turned
back to Ruth.
   "And Ruth? Don't worry, your secret is safe with me!" I yelled across to
her and tapped the side of my nose with my finger. She smiled brightly and
waved. She was back to the Ruth she had been when we arrived, and in a way,
I was relieved. I didn't really want to be involved with her in any more
than a friendly way; I had just given in to my longing. After all, I was
only human, right? Elated from my conversation with Adrienne, which was
charged from sorting things out with Ruth, I found myself in extremely high
spirits. I danced into the auditorium and jigged my foot energetically while
I speculated over what I would buy form the vending machine. I chose two
chocolate bars and a packet crisps. Insatiable I know, but I was ravenous
after everything that had happened that day. I sat alone at one of the
tables. The auditorium was empty apart from me, but I was content to be
there, solitary in my happiness.

********************************
   With the end of camp drawing ever closer, I became increasingly
apprehensive about going back to school. I was going to miss Adrienne a lot.
I hadn't voiced my uncertainties to her because she had seemed eager to go
back to her school. She was coming back next year, but there was no way I
would be able to wait a year without seeing her. She would probably just
forget me; after all, I presumed that Adrienne didn't feel anything but a
light, pleasurable companionship between us. She had no idea that I was
infatuated with her. I'd fallen head over heels for her and I couldn't stop
it. As these thoughts gushed through my head, I was back in the auditorium
again, although this time I was accompanied by most of the camp. Watching
the torrential rain lash against the window pains, I felt as if the rain
reflected my frame of mind perfectly. I was lurched out of my thoughts by
someone sitting beside me, nudging my arm impatiently.
   "What?" I snapped. I turned my head around only to see Adrienne blinking
back at me. My expression softened as it always did when I laid eyes upon
her stunning features. I smiled. "Hey, sorry."
   "Jodes?? I'm bored," she said, her eyes were twinkling animatedly.
   "And what do you suggest we do? It's pouring buckets of piss out there!"
I chuckled.
   "Well, why don't we make the most of it? It could be fun!"
   "Are you recommending that we go out there?" I replied, becoming quietly
amused by now. Her foot bounced ceaselessly under the table and I could tell
she was restless. I enjoyed being with her at times like that. She came up
with the craziest, yet most entertaining ideas you could think of.
   "Why not?" she grinned.
   I couldn't think of a reason to remain inside and so giggling profusely,
we made our way over to the double doors and spilled out into the rain.
Torrents of water drenched our hair and faces, and we danced about skipping
and singing joyfully. We splashed through puddles, spraying each other with
muddy water, laughing hysterically. I watched with glee as Adrienne came
streaking towards me planning to knock to me to the floor, only to lose her
footing as she dashed through a muddy puddle sending her sailing across the
ground to me, sliding into a crippled heap at my feet. I was bent double,
gasping for air through my laughter while I watched her attempting to get up
looking like she'd just emerged from a mud bath. The kids in the auditorium
watched with increasing delight as we got dirtier and dirtier covered in
thick, brown, sludgy mud. Of course Adrienne and me proceeded to find it
hilarious.
   "Hey Adrienne!" I screamed, "You're slightly muddy hun!"
   We looked at each other, smirking. We had both had a sudden collision
with inspiration and were thinking the exact same thing. She took my hand
and we ran, full pelt, towards the lake.
   When we reached the shimmering, undisturbed surface of the lake we each
took a run and dived off the mound beside the lake. As I sank towards the
sandy lake bottom, I held my breath and peered through the bubbles,
surveying Adrienne as he smashed the surface and plummeted downwards. She
had her eyes scrunched tightly closed and her cheeks were ballooned with air
but she still managed to look appealing. Still lingering beneath the water,
I watched as she began flailing her arms and legs, swimming upwards. For a
moment, she turned her head and opened her eyes, looking straight at me.
There was a moment between us, both floating weightlessly, eyes locked on
each other's. I blinked. She started to choke and broke the surface,
panting. When I joined her, breathless, the moment was forgotten and she
began to ascend the muddy slope to exit the lake. I gave her a hand up,
careful only to touch her waist, and she twisted to offer me a hand. Sopping
wet, we both proceeded to our separate tents to change.
   The following day, the sun was back to beating down through the branches
again, scorching the backs of our necks and shoulders a bright, pinkish red.
I lay on the grass by the woods, my head resting on Adrienne's legs, while
she had her back up against a tree trunk. We were watching Ruth and some
other girls paying a feeble game of rounders in the clearing. We sniggered
at their frail attempts to hit the ball in the blaring heat.
   "Hey, you know Jas? She got chucked by Ryan," I announced happily.
Adrienne snickered. I'd told her all about how cold she had been towards me.
   "Well, in reality, it was never going to last anyway. They go to
completely different schools. When would they see each other?" She reasoned.
   "Hopefully never, for Ryan's sake!" I snorted.
   Ruth, having tired of her game of rounders, parked herself at the side of
us and began chatting vigorously about something someone had said to her. I
wasn't paying much attention and allowed her words to wash over me until I
was sitting in a light trance, day-dreaming at the rich, blue sky. Adrienne
and Ruth began to chuckle and I withdrew from my thoughts frowning.
   "Hey im just going to the loo, be back in a min." I said. I meandered off
towards the toilet block, wallowing in the warm sunshine. I was about to
enter the toilets when I heard a quiet voice call out my name.
   "Jodie." It whispered. I turned to see a boy about my height, with sandy
coloured hair and grey eyes. He had a lip ring and looked relatively cool,
except that he seemed to be stuttering something.
   "D-do you, I mean, well, you know, do you, well, do, because I, you see-"
   "Is there something wrong?" I queried. I peered at him. He flushed
crimson and faced his shoes.
   "Manameschrisdyuwangooutsomtime."  He looked up at me, squinting from the
sun.
   "Erm... What?" I suppressed a laugh.
   He took a deep, shuddering breath.
   "My name is Chris." He paused. "Do you want to go out sometime?"
   "Go where?" I snorted.
   He reddened again.
   "Well, I dunno, I was kind of just... asking you out?" He looked around.
Repressing another giggle, I wondered if he was looking for the nearest
place he could run to.  But then I realised I'd better say something. I
didn't fancy him at all, for obvious reasons, but he seemed quite a cool guy
and I didn't want to be harsh. Also, I didn't think I should tell him I was
gay. My mind raced frantically for a few seconds until I hit the jackpot.
   "I'd love to Chris, but unfortunately im seeing someone back at home." I
said sincerely.
   He looked partly relieved that I hadn't snapped at him, or completely
rejected him, but also a bit miffed at my refusal.
   "Hey that's ok. No worries." He shrugged and started to walk off.
   I blocked his way and gave him my 100-watt smile. I leant forwards and
kissed him on the cheek. A friendly gesture that's all. He grinned back and
waved pleasantly, leaving me on the verge of laughter as he skipped off. I
hadn't even said yes!!

********************************
   Finally, the last day of camp was drawing to a close. Adrienne, Ruth and
I sat beside the lake, reminiscing over the surface about our last six
weeks. A creeping feeling of dread crawled over me as I thought about going
back to school. All those faces. All those people. No Adrienne. What was I
going to do? I could handle leaving Ruth for a year, I knew I would see her
next year, as always, but being parted from your first love for a whole
twelve months is just ridiculous. The sun was setting an orange glow over
the treetops as night drew closer and a light breeze rustled our hair.
   "Im going to miss you guys," I sighed.
   "Me too, god I'm dreading going back," Ruth agreed. I expected Adrienne
to agree too, or at least, I hoped she would. But the reply she gave sent me
reeling.
   "Actually, im looking forward to going back," she said thoughtfully,
gazing skywards. "At least ill get to see Eddie!" She flashed me a cheeky
grin, which I did not return.
   I snorted quietly. Viciously digging a twig into the already ploughed
earth, where I'd been sifting my fingers through it earlier. The twig
snapped and I stood up furiously, marching off away from them. I hadn't
bothered to tell them where I was going, but I could feel their eyes,
frowning into my back. I dashed into the auditorium and rested my forehead
against the cool side of the drinks machine. I exhaled loudly. I felt
drained. At first I'd been excited about the prospect of being quietly
different. I liked the idea of having something other people did not, and
being gay did not strike worry at all. But now, I felt physically and
mentally worn out. It was hard to hide yourself like I was, when really you
wanted to just shout it out so you could be you. But holding it in was
proving harder than I'd planned it to be. Especially as Adrienne didn't even
seem to care at all. She wasn't even interested in staying in touch. She
just wanted to go back and forget me. It was times like that I wished I
could just be normal. Maybe then, leaving Adrienne wouldn't affect me so
badly.
   I heard the door creak open, and I stood, silently still.
   "Jodes? Are you in here?" Adrienne's voice sounded anxious and I could
never resist her when she called my name, so I stepped out but managed to
maintain an icy glare.
   "What's up hun?" She spoke casually, as though she hadn't just offended
me. But then that was another disadvantage of being gay, when someone said
something like that, you couldn't blame them for upsetting you because they
didn't know that they had. So I sighed and shrugged my shoulders.
   Adrienne, being typically Adrienne, enveloped me in a hug and I folded my
arms around her, resting my chin on her shoulder. I hadn't the mental energy
to argue with her, or even be angry with her because I was just so
distraught about leaving her.
   "I dunno, Ade. Im just going to miss you that's all." I spoke softly into
her ear. "You're my best friend, you know. I've never had a friend like you.
Ever." I had hoped her reply would be reassuring, comforting. But when she
started to speak I already felt my hope ebbing away like water in cupped
hands.
   "Oh really? That's so sweet, I didn't know! You're a good friend too,
Jodie." She pulled away from me and I felt my eyes filling up with tears.
She hadn't said she was going to miss me, she hadn't said she wanted to stay
in contact, she hadn't said anything that came from her hearts flow, all she
had done, was take what I had said, downgraded it, and repeated it back to
me, as a consolation to make me feel better because she didn't feel the
same.
   Inside of me, a storm was raging. I wanted to just scream at her there
and then, tell her that I was gay. But something repressed me, perhaps my
knowledge that that wasn't the way to go. Instead, I smiled mirthlessly,
turning it into a meaningless lip stretch, turned on my heel and strode
away. I was trying to look dignified and keep my head high, to hide my
embarrassment from her, even though inside I was crippled, devastated. I
kept my face painted with that eerie smile even as the tears began to leak
in sheets, down my cheeks. I walked like that, all the way back to my tent,
smiling mechanically at people that bothered to spare a concerned look.
Then, I crept into my bed, sunk my head into my pillow, and felt that
familiar, heavy curtain of sleep taking over me.
   Morning came and I was awoken by Ashley and Leanne, sitting on top me
telling me to wake up. I grinned sleepily at them, my face and eyes sore
from crying the previous night. Ashley and Leanne snuggled into bed on
either side of me, and considering this was only a single bed, it was a bit
cramped. Although I have to say that having two attractive girls pressed
into my sides in a single bed, got my stomach stirring. Jas was nowhere to
be seen, but it was rumoured that after having got back together with Ryan
at the last minute, that she had spent the night in his tent.
   "We will write to you! We promise!!!" Leanne pledged. Ashley and her
attended the same school and having spent most of their time together, the
only other friends they had made were Ruth, who I had introduced them to on
my first day, and me.
   "Yeah, im going to miss you Jodie." Ashley sighed. Ashley got out of my
bed, complaining about Jas leaving all the mess for them to clear and even
though there was more space, I was certain I felt Leanne move closer to me.
Ashley left the tent, muttering vigorously to herself and I turned on my
side towards Leanne, taking in deep, chocolate brown eyes, and I scanned her
pink lips across her mouth. Leanne was admittedly very pretty. I realised
she was studying me just as closely and I flushed, embarrassed that I had
been staring. I was starting to feel that warm sensation seeping through me
once again as I looked into Leanne's eyes. All of a sudden I felt Leanne's
hand slide up the inside of my leg. I jumped, startled and looked
questioningly at her. An accident? It must have been, since when was Leanne
gay?? At that moment I was extremely confused, but it seems that my
questioning was not going to deter Leanne. Her fingers curled around the
back of neck and she brought my face to hers. She hesitated, and I suspect
she was waiting for some form of consent form me. I was breathing very
heavily, but there was no doubt in my mind that I wanted this to happen. No
doubt at all. Everything I had felt for Ruth had faded away because it was
kind of superficial. She had felt for me, and I had enjoyed the attention.
The attraction was fuelled by the fact that I had only just discovered I was
gay and It was new to the both of us. I don't think Ruth even like me that
much either. I suspect it was just an experiment for the two of us. But this
time I had no reason to feel guilty about Ruth, and more importantly, no
reason to feel guilty about Adrienne. She had treated me without care and I
was mad at her. Not that I was doing this to get back at her, it just gave
me the boost I needed to do it. Also, I doubted we would ever be together,
so what was the point? I traced my fingers over the edges of Leanne's
gorgeous lips. She was still waiting. Gently, I leaned into her and our lips
connected. Joint together at the mouth, her lips were soft but desiring.
Mine were tentative, savouring the moment. I would treat this as my first
kiss; my real first had been a weeping disaster, this was amazing. Her
tongue slipped through my lips and slid into my mouth. My tongue met hers;
duelling in each other's mouths. I felt jolts of emotion jerk my body. One
was lust, the obvious one. The other was chemistry. I had heard about what
people said about kissing someone you have a real connection with, and the
description felt like exactly like this. Each time her tongue encountered
mine, little shudders coursed through my whole body. I could feel Leanne
trembling against me, and I suspected she was feeling the same things. My
arm snaked around her waist, bringing her closer still. Her scent was
heavenly and I felt perfectly at ease. I didn't understand though. If I felt
this way about Leanne, what were my feelings towards Adrienne? I decided
that right then it really didn't matter, as I could feel Leanne's fingers
teasing at the hem of my tee shirt. Eventually, they slid up, her fingers
leaving a line of fire where the touched my skin. Goosebumps erupted all
over my body and I felt a sudden need for skin-to-skin contact. Breaking our
kiss for a second, I lifted Leanne's shirt over her head and she did the
same to me. Lust taking over, Leanne pulled herself on top of me, and I
could feel my skin rippling where the contact was. I gasped as shivers of
ecstasy shook my insides and I could tell by Leanne's uneven breathing that
she was experiencing a similar sensation.
   Just as my fingers began to slide under the waistband of Leanne's pyjama
bottoms, I heard the tent flap rustle and opened my eyes to see Ashley,
standing in the doorway, gaping. I gaped back, incapable of speech. That's
why I was so surprised when Ashley suddenly broke into a huge grin. I looked
from Ashley to Leanne, Leanne to Ashley. Leanne looked as blank as I did, an
expression of confusion across her face, while I realised she was still on
top me. I crimsoned dramatically.
   "Heeeeeyyy!  You two FINALLY got it together!! Leanne I KNEW you had a
thing for her!!" Ashley was hopping about with glee and I was dumbstruck.
   "But- but...?" Leanne faltered.
   "Don't worry about it Lea, I already knew you were gay. Im fine with it,"
she shrugged. I tenderly pushed Leanne off me and sat up.
   "So you're...ok with this?" I questioned.
   "Yes its fine, and I wont tell anyone either, so its don't worry ok. Just
please put your tops back on," she laughed as Leanne and I blushed,
realising we were in our bras.
   "Sorry..." we mumbled.
   "You twos better hurry up, everyone is dressed and ready, ill wait for
you outside," she turned and was gone.
   I stared at Leanne, awestruck. She smiled back at me, looking slightly
embarrassed.
   "Well. I didn't really expect THAT this morning," I muttered. She laughed
and sat next to me.
   "You were ok with it, right? I mean, you feel the same?" she asked.
   "I don't know. What do you feel?" I wondered.
   "I'm not sure exactly, I could just always feel a connection between us.
Something, anyway. I cant put a name to how I feel about you, but I know
that that was meant to happen." She finished and looked up at me, timidly. I
couldn't say I had felt this connection she was talking about, but then
again that kiss felt so right. I've never been more certain of anything else
in my life. And besides, I was probably to busy wrapped up in Adrienne to
feel anything.
   "So, where do we go from here?" I mumbled. I was hoping she wouldn't just
expect me to forget that kiss. It was special to me.
   "Well," she looked down at her feet for a second and then looked up, "I
want us to...be together...?"
   I smiled and lifted her chin up to face me. My eyes said it all as I drew
her in once more, our lips tenderly meeting. The kiss began to deepen but I
pulled away, we needed to get dressed and packed.
   As I packed my things, I was finding it hard to take everything in. I had
a girlfriend. I actually had a girlfriend. In these six weeks of camp I had
managed to kiss a girl I thought I liked, fall in love with a straight girl
and get a girlfriend. What a homosexual experience it has been, I thought to
myself with a chuckle.
   Leanne and I took our suitcases to the mountain of duffel bags and
holdalls and left them with the others. The camp leaders wanted to do a
final assembly to thank us for coming etc etc. I walked with Leanne to the
auditorium and noticed Adrienne a short distance away from me, on her own. I
usually met her every morning, I realised with a pang of guilt. But then I
remembered how she had treated me and also what I'd been up to this morning
instead. I sneaked a glance at Leanne, only to find she was already gazing
at me, and Adrienne was driven from my mind. This was a new feeling to me. I
was happy with Leanne. I actually had a girl I wanted. But I was so use to
Adrienne dominating my thoughts. Now, as I was sitting on the uncomfortable
folding chairs with Leanne in the auditorium, I looked over my shoulder. Two
rows down, Adrienne was sitting with Ruth. Ruth was whispering eagerly but
Adrienne was staring into space, distracted. I hoped she was feeling guilty,
but I was sad all the same to see her looking so gloomy. Turning back
around, I let the droning voice of the camp leader wash over me and I
reached across and took Leanne's hand. She looked up in surprise, but smiled
warmly when she realised.
   Finally the assembly ended and everyone filed out of the auditorium.
Leanne and I were holding hands, not particularly caring what everyone else
thought. I was recollecting the good times I'd had here, and as I
backtracked to one of my first conversations with Leanne, something struck
me.
   "Leanne?? I thought you were straight?" I muttered.
   "What gave you that idea? I've been gay for as long as I can remember.
You were my first kiss though!" She wiggled her eyebrows at me.
   "Well, you remember in the tent, the first time we met, you said you had
done things with boys, remember?"
   "Oh that. I lied; I didn't want anyone to know I was gay. Did you not
notice how shifty I was during that conversation??" she said.
   "Actually, I do, vaguely." I nodded. Then, all of a sudden, when we were
walking past the loos, I felt my body jerk sideways through the door and
found myself pushed back against the closed door, with Leanne pressed
against me, holding my wrists against the door. I had about a second to
catch my breath before she began kissing me hungrily. I quivered as our lips
met, and it was a haze of tongues that danced, fingers that teased and
breathing that was messy and uncontained. My breath was coming out in loud
gasps and my back arched against the door as Leanne grinded her hips against
mine. I felt light headed and just when I thought I couldn't take any more,
the door jolted behind me. Composing ourselves, Leanne and I straightened
our shirts and opened the door, sweeping past the girls on the outside
without a word. We broke into an uncontrollable fit of giggles as we went to
assemble near the exit.
   I was filled with dismay once again as I realised I was going to have to
leave Leanne. But unlike Adrienne, Leanne had promised to stay in touch and
we had planned to meet every other weekend. Ruth and I stuck to our usual
agreement; we would see each other the following year, right back here.
   I looked to my left and saw Adrienne. When I glanced over she was already
looking at me with a pained expression. I suddenly felt very guilty. What
had she done really? She hadn't meant to hurt me, as far as I knew; she
could be completely oblivious to it. Obviously, if she was, that was a bit
careless of her. This time though, I decided to let it go. After all, I
wasn't going to see her for a very long time.
   "Leanne, I'll be back in a minute; I'm just going to say goodbye to
Adrienne," I said to Leanne.
   "OK, ill see you in a bit," she replied.
   I took a deep breath and strode over to Adrienne. She looked up at me,
bleakly. With a wave of self-reproach, I noticed that her eyes were filled
with unmistakable misery. I hoped it wasn't because of me.
   "Hey Adrienne. Are you ok?" I asked quietly.
   "Yeah. Listen, Jodie, why did you just go off like that the other day? I
haven't spoken to you since."
   "Well..." I began.
   "Look, I know that I've been negligent towards your feelings. I mean, you
said you were going to miss me, and I didn't even give you my number. I only
realised how bitchy it must have been when I was trying to think why you
took off like that. But you can have my number, Jodes. You can have my
address too. I just don't want to fall out with you. I'd really like to stay
in touch; you've been a good friend to me. What do you say?" she shifted,
nervously.
   I let out a cry of delight and threw my arms around her neck. I was so
pleased that she had recognised that she'd upset me. And she wanted to stay
in touch!!!
   "Oh, Adey!!! It's fine!! I'll call you sometime OK?"
   She looked ecstatic. She was just opening her mouth to reply, when the
loudspeakers called out her name.
   "Oh, that must be my Mum. Thank you Jodie. You mean a lot to me. You know
that, right?" she said hopefully. She slipped a piece of paper into my
hands, which I assumed contained contact details, and then she turned, and
as if by magic, disappeared into the crowd. I stood in awe, staring after
her. Then, I felt arms snake around my shoulders and lips kissing my neck. I
turned face to face with Leanne and met her lips with mine. She quivered and
looked into my eyes.
   "Promise me we will stay in touch, Jodie." She said in an undertone. Her
voice was racked with emotion as she studied my face.
   "Of course, I promise," I took her face in my hands and stroked her
cheeks.
   "I...love you," Leanne stammered. I was taken aback. I don't know why
this shocked me so much. Probably because I was sure that I'd been so in
love with Adrienne. But was I in love with Adrienne? I didn't know. But I
did love Leanne, I knew that. Even if it wasn't the most powerful,
enchanting love in the world, I did love her.
   "I love you too," I gasped. Those words had never come out of my mouth
before, apart form to my mother. I wondered if it actually was love. I'd
gotten such a rush from saying those words.
   "Leanne Richards! Report to front desk!" came the booming voice of the
loudspeaker. I looked desperately at Leanne. I wanted to cling on to her
forever. I didn't want her to go! My eyes began to fill up with tears as she
kissed me gently on the lips and turned to go.
   "I love you too, Leanne Richards," I mumbled as I watched her submerge
into the crowd of jostling kids.
   Alone, now, I sat down on my suitcase and stared around me in dismay. I
was confused. If I loved Leanne, what did Adrienne mean to me? I was so sick
of this confusion that suffocated me more and more often. It had been bad
enough getting my head around being gay, and I still wasn't particularly
thrilled at it if it meant all of this hurt. But all the same, what could I
do? I was born this way, after all.
   My name being called out loudly jolted me from my thoughts and I stood
up, scanning the parking lot for my Mum's car. Spotting it, I rushed over to
her. Her head was emerging from the driver's door and she stood, arms wide
open, waiting for me.
   "Hi baby. Did you have a good six weeks?" she kissed my head and smoothed
down my hair.
   "Well, you could certainly say it's been eventful," I replied with a
faint smile.

*************************************
    I spent the remaining three days of the summer holidays mulling over
what to do when I returned to school as a year 11. It thought that it would
be best not to come out to people. If Leanne and me got really serious then
I probably would, but until then, it was best not to. I missed her
incredibly. I was surprised that I did. I would also get this nagging
feeling in my stomach as though something was eating away at me and I
realised then that it was Adrienne. To prevent all the turmoil, I had pushed
Adrienne to the back of my mind, that way, I would forget how much I missed
her and how much I loved her, because I knew it was wrong. Even if it
weren't wrong, it would never happen anyway. But sometimes she would appear
when I looked in the mirror and others I would simply be reminded of her
when I saw it raining. And at times like them, that's when the niggling
feeling would get almost unbearable and I would allow myself to think of her
for a while.
    When the time finally arrived to go back to school, I was quite nervous.
I was starting the grammar school and had only had 4 days induction there.
When I met my friends on that chilly, September Monday morning, it seemed
nothing had changed since before the holidays. Expect something had changed
in me. But they couldn't see it and none of them had any clue that I might
not be straight. The grammar school was a whirl of girls that gave me a
funny feeling in my stomach, and infatuations for girls I had never even
spoke to. But all the time I missed Leanne and eventually, one afternoon, my
phone rang.
   "Hello?" I said as I answered the phone.
   "JODIE!!!! It's so great to hear your voice!" came the excited voice on
the other end.
   Leanne "! How are you?" I cried.
   "Fine, fine, but the reason I phoned is because im in your area! Lets
meet!"
   "When?" I asked, flabbergasted.
   "Like, NOW!" She screamed.
   "Erm ok, meet you in town? Outside McDonalds?"
   "Sure, ill be waiting!" There was a click and then silence. I replaced
the receiver and dashed upstairs to get changed. What to wear?? What to
wear?? In the end I chose some baggy jeans and a grey and pink collared top.
   I rushed out of the house and hopped on the first bus I saw. After a
15-minute bus journey, I jumped off and headed straight for McDonalds,
popping a piece of chewing gum in my mouth as I went.  I slowed down so that
I wouldn't be hot and sweaty when I arrived and spotted Leanne; she had her
back to me. She was dressed in tight blue jeans that framed her perfect ass
and a low cut, blue top, that allowed me a generous look at her cleavage.. I
crept up behind her and nuzzled into her neck, wrapping my arms around her
middle as I did. She smelt the same as she always did and I drank it in as I
embraced her. She turned around and grinned at me.
   "So, where shall we go?" I breathed.
   "Why don't we go back to your place?"
   "But I just got here. Why didn't you say that in the first place??" I
asked.
   "I didn't think of it. And I don't know where you live; my mum just
dropped me off here. Sorry," she said sadly. All my anger for her diminished
when she gave me that look, so walking together with lots of unnecessary
contact between us, we headed for the bus stop.
    After a heated, nervous bus journey we arrived at my front door and I
noticed my Mum's car was not parked in the driveway as it usually was. I
turned to Ashley; "Hmm, my Mum must have gone out," I pondered.
    "Really?" Exclaimed Leanne, her voice rising a semi - tone in
excitement. I suddenly caught her drift and began to unlock to door,
fumbling as fast as I could for my key and lurching into the house. I shut
the front door and turned to Leanne.
    "So... are you hungry? You want some soda?" I muttered awkwardly,
looking around.
    "No, show me your bedroom!" Her eyes twinkled at me and I suddenly felt
my insides knotting.
    "Sure! Come on," I seized her hand and rushed through the house, up the
stairs in a daze and fell through my bedroom door, where my thick, blue
carpet and painted green walls glared back at me. My bed was neatly made and
I noticed Leanne eyeing it with delight.
She walked over to the bed, turned to face me and sat down backwards,
supporting her body on her arms as she leant back slightly. Her top had
fallen down slightly and I could see the top of her light pink bra. My eyes
wandered up and down her body and finally my eyes met hers. She was gazing
coyly at me; he head tilted back, her mouth slightly open. I could not stare
anymore. There was no way I could look and not touch. I breezed over to her,
pushed her shoulders so she was lying flat over my bed and clambered
carefully onto her, my thighs about her sides. Inhaling I took a breath and
sunk my lips against hers. I felt her arms slide around my hips and she
gratefully opened her mouth allowing my tongue access. My tongue skated
across hers as our saliva mixed and I felt the hairs on the back of my next
begin to rise as she exhaled deeply onto my cheek. I wrapped my hands in her
soft hair and we kissed deeply, ignorant of anything else in the world. It
was a sweet kiss, one that made my mind blank and increased my pulse rate. I
longed to touch her, but feared it was too much. So, instead my lips grazed
her neck and I planted small, loving kisses along her collarbone. She smelt
good and I wanted to breathe her in forever. My fingertips coursed her
gentle skin and the intensity of our bodies pressed together drove me crazy.
    After a while, she pulled away, and lying on the bed beside her I
surveyed her features, beautiful as ever. Then I realised something was
different about her. In our haste to get into the house and make up for what
we had missed, I hadn't noticed her eyes to looked mystical and curious. I
reached up to stroke her cheek, smiling happily. This was what I wanted. She
was what I wanted. When I was with her, nothing else mattered, and we
definitely didn't see enough of each other.
    That day was spent in similar fashion and I was sad to see Leanne leave
in the evening. We vowed to see each other soon and I was reeling with the
anticipation of seeing her again. Secretly, I hoped that next time, sex was
on the menu.
    Sometime, in that same month, I received a text from Ashley, the other
girl at summer camp. Presuming she got my number of Lea, I read the text. It
said:
         Hey Jodes!!! Tis Ash!! I was jst txtin u 2 c how things wiv u nd
Lea wer goin! Dnt worry I still haven't told any1!! How r u?? Tmb luv Ash
xxx
   I replied saying things were wonderful and we chitchatted for some time.
Ashley had a fantastic boyfriend who took her out regularly, and I was
pleased because Ashley was a decent girl and I would hurt anyone that tried
to cause her pain. Apart from that, the next month or so was a blur until I
finally had a weekend free from revision and house chores. I called up my
girlfriend and asked her to stay the weekend. She said she couldn't get here
so instead I went to hers.
    I was so nervous as I climbed the stone steps towards her front door, my
bag of night things slung over my shoulder. My body trembled and I clutched
the railings as I watched for her door to open. This was the first time we
had spent the night together and I wondered what would happen. It felt like
I had been standing on her doorstop, trembling, for an eternity and I was
considered turning back round and getting the bus home, when the door
creaked open. I was sucked back to reality and I realised it had not been
long at all. A few seconds at the most. Leanne answered the door, and I
found my self gazing at her long, slim legs in the black skirt she was
wearing, and my eyes loitered a little too long on her breasts, which were
attempting to escape from her tight, white cotton shirt.
    "Hi," I murmured awkwardly, raking my fingers through my hair. "You
look...lovely."
    "Thanks, come on in," she beamed, moving aside as I brushed past her,
perhaps a little too near her.
    I heard the door click shut behind me, and glancing around Leanne's
hallway, I turned around to ask her what room I was going into. But to my
surprise, as soon as I turned to face her she gripped my hips and slammed me
back into the door. Our bodies banged together and her lips crashed into
mine, she hungrily kissed my mouth and pushed me hard against the smooth
wooden door. Gasping in surprise, I felt her cool hands slither up my top
and my stomach broke out in goose bumps. This was moving very fast, but I
couldn't hear myself complaining, nor did I want Leanne to cease what she
was doing to my body. Fumbling slightly, Leanne started to pull my top over
my head and I granted her permission by lifting up my arms. With shaking
hands I reached out and tore her shirt off, letting it flutter to the floor
as our haste continued. Between kisses and deep breaths, I gasped,
    "Where...is...your...bedroom..?"
    "Go...into...the...living...room," She panted back, and she seized my
wrist and pulled me through a door, into her living room. I didn't get much
of a look around before I was shoved backwards onto the sofa, and in a
flurry of hair Leanne was sitting up on top of me, her legs gripping my
hips, her hands resting on my stomach and her mouth attached to mine as her
tongue worked itself back into my mouth.
    I was in absolute ecstasy as her hands roamed my body, gliding over my
skin, causing my body to become alive with electricity. As I felt her hands
scrabbling at my flies, I knew exactly where this was going and overcome by
desire my hands crept up her skirt. I felt her hands sneaking into my
underwear and she ran a finger along the length of my labia. I felt myself
immediately begin to get wet. My jeans came off, and Leanne pulled my pants
down to my knees, exposing my swelling sex. She stared in awe for a moment
before thrusting two fingers deep inside my vagina, rubbing my clit with her
thumb. I writhed in pleasure and tried not to gasp out loud. She continued
to pump in and out and my hands reached up to her breast as I stripped off
her bra and raised my head to take her hard nipple into my mouth. I swirled
my tongue around and nibbled gently and I felt myself becoming hot. Leanne's
fingers moved furiously cupping her breasts, I started to convulse, clamping
down on her fingers and letting out a strained "ooh" as I came onto her
hand. Gasping for air, I roughly shoved Leanne off me letting he fall to the
floor. I straddled her and tore away her skirt and underwear.
    "I hope you're ready for this," I said seductively.
I pressed my face into her delicate sex, breathing in her womanly scent and
rubbing my cheeks in her. She started to make noises and I felt her hands on
the back of my head pulling me into her. My tongue darted out and I pushed
it far into Leanne, feeling her lurch with pleasure. Then I licked the
length of her slit and sucked her clit into my mouth. Leanne trembled and
gasped, moaning my name. She was now so wet I could easily slide two fingers
into her and starting slow I teased her with the tips of my fingers, still
sucking.
    "Please Jodie, PLEASE" Leanne screamed, wriggling on the carpet.
Feeling that she needed to come, I plunged my fingers deep into her warmth
and sucked hard on her clit. With a loud grunt, Leanne's hips bucked and I
felt her splurge her juices into my mouth. I slid up her body, my hands on
her breasts and slithered my tongue into her mouth, forcing her to taste
herself.  Lying back, I closed my eyes, assuming Leanne would be as spent as
I was. But clearly she wasn't quite finished. I felt her climbing onto my
chest, and opened my eyes to see her full, round juicy buttocks in my face.
I saw her bend forwards and with a surge of electricity, her tongue entered
me. I cried out and dug my fingernails into her sweet behind. She continued
to lick slowly and then she stopped. Opening my eyes, I looked quizzically
at her back.
   "What? Why did you stop?" I moaned.
She didn't answer, she didn't even turn around, and I waited feeling the
sexual tension build up. Just then, something cool and hard entered my
gently, it slid in so far it took my breath away. Suddenly it was drawn out
and forced into me so hard I lifted my hips off the floor. I shouted out
loudly as Leanne continued to drive my pussy with this object. I buried my
face into her buttocks and screamed into them as I came violently.
  "Oh my God. What WAS that?" I panted.
  She turned around to me and produced a purple, plastic, slim object. I had
never seen one before, but I loved it.
    After that I couldn't bear to be away from her. She had made me feel
like I was the most special person on earth. And that feeling meant so much
to me that I had to be with her. At school, I constantly felt like my head
was in a cloud and the only time I felt alive was when I spoke to Leanne. So
I continued in this subdued manner for sometime until I realised it had been
almost a year since me and Leanne met. I also realised with a jolt of
self-remorse that I had not thought of Adrienne since that night I slept
with Leanne. Nor had I text her, called her or visited. I had been so
happily enveloped in Leanne that I hadn't spared a thought for many other
people. Guilt ridden I sat down at the phone one afternoon and picked up the
receiver. The dialling tone blared out at me and I punched in Adrienne's
number and waited. I sat tapping my foot agitatedly, wondering what she
would sound like, if her voice would still sound like the voice of an angel,
if she would still get my blood pumping around my veins so rapidly, if she
could still get my heart beating furiously and cause my palms to break out
into cold sweat. I stared blankly at the wall in front of me trying to
decide whether I wanted her to answer or not. What if this brought back all
my feelings for her? What If I became obsessed as I had before? What if -,
    "Hello?" came a curious voice from the other end of the phone.
    "OH!" I cried in surprise. I hadn't been expecting an answer!! "Hi,
Adrienne?"
    "Yes, who's this?" she sounded amused, quietly excited. And I wondered
why.
    "Its me, I mean Jodie. It's Jodie. Do you remember me?" I said
hesitantly. I paused, trying to be aware of any emotion I was feeling. I was
waiting for a rush of blood to my head to stop me from speaking properly, or
a surge of emotion to make me choke and splutter. Anything. But no, nothing.
I could not feel a thing.
I was shocked to hear a burble of laughter from Adrienne.
    "What?" I said sharply, I was paranoid about what she found funny.
"You! Asking me if I remember you! Of COURSE I do! I've been waiting for you
to phone me for ages Jodes!"  She cried happily.
    I breathed out. She sounded sort of patronising and I wasn't sure I
liked it.
    "Yeah I'm sorry Ade, I've been busy, I err have to tell you something,"
I swallowed bravely and waited for her to speak. It was crunch time and I
knew I had to do this. If I no longer felt anything for Adrienne, it would
be okay. I was sure.
    "Oh sure, what is it? Are you okay?" I recognised the concern in her
voice, just the same way I remembered it.
    "Adrienne..." I mustered up all the courage I could get in one deep
breath. Then I opened my mouth and it just spilled out, "I'm gay."
    "You're WHAT?" I suddenly could not recognise her voice at all. It
sounded hollow and I began to feel doom creeping in on me. Surely she
couldn't mind?! She had said when I first met her, she wouldn't judge, she
wasn't homophobic, she wouldn't mind!!
    "I...I... didn't think you would mind...after all, you told me you
wouldn't before, you said you didn't judge.." I stuttered, trying hard not
to let my voice crack.
   "But you...I...I don't mind Jodie. Of course I don't. I don't judge
that's not me. It's fine. Have you got a girlfriend or anything?" she
sounded uncertain, like she was putting on her voice, trying to mask her
true emotion.
    "I have actually. You remember Leanne? From summer camp? Her. I started
seeing her on the last day of camp and I've seen her loads since then. I
really like her," I gushed.
    "Oh...riiiiight...do you guys like...do it?" she asked cautiously.
    "Well, yeah. We have," momentarily, I drifted back to that glorious
night on the sofa, the taste of Leanne's mouth, the feel of her skin under
my fingertips, the smell of her body as it grinded against mine...
   "Eww Jodieeee! Are you two coming to camp this year?" she said
disgustedly. I guess she wasn't    homophobic until it happened to someone
she knew.
     I snapped out of my daydream. "It's not ew! I love her Ade, and yes we
are. Are you?" I replied defensively.
    "Yeah, I guess I'll see you then. Errm bye then."
Click.
She was gone.
    "What?" I whispered out loud. Tears of rage and anguish blurred my eyes.
How had she changed so much? I guess it was true, people changed
dramatically in the space of twelve months. What a cow. I definitely didn't
feel how I'd felt about her before. I was well and truly over her. What's
more, I didn't need her approval. I was happy with Leanne and nothing could
change that. I guess I would see her at camp. I was dreading it.