Date: Tue, 12 Feb 2002 20:12:43 -0800 From: Angel Subject: The Will To Dream This is a semi-fictional story based on live, actual events in my life. If reading stories about lesbians and/or lesbian related topics including vulgar words bother or upset you, please turn back now. A note from the author: *This story also relates to the typical life of an openly bisexual girl in highschool who suffers many hardships everyday, just trying to maintain her self-image at a stable point and living life the best way she can- even with the reputation as "dyke". Please honor the openly bisexual or homosexual people, no matter the gender, the race, or the type, even if they aren't in school still, because it's not an easy life for them. I would know, because I'm openly bisexual. Please respect the ones who are brave enough to go through this discrimination day by day, only because they were tired of hiding who they are. This story is dedicated to my wonderful girlfriend, Meg, and all of the other gays/bi's who have gone through this or experience discrimination anywhere because of your sexuality. I understand your pain and greif. Please... no matter how hard it seems, never give up hope. Love does exist. -=- The Will To Dream -=- It was her... The angel of my dreams. At last we were to meet again. Maybe it was destiny, or luck. I touched the side of her face, as her milky peach skin reflected a soft glow from the majestic lights behind her. Her lips shimmered from the mild dampness. Lucious tounge so free, so graceful. I pressed my eager lips against hers and could feel the moisture from her lips soak into mine. The glory and passion of the first kiss. The feeling of her... The touch of... "Crystal!" I raised my head up and looked around as the sharp voice echoed through my ears and the persistant ringing wouldn't stop. "Yes ma'am?" I said, unsure about what just happened. "How many times do I have to tell you... stop daydreaming!" The whole class stared at me. I could feel my face turning warmer and my pulse pounded through my blushing cheeks. "I'm sorry ma'am." I replied to her while I flipped through textbook pages trying to find the one I was supposed to be following along on. "As I was saying.. about the Legislative branch of government..." Mrs. Lorell continued, just as the bell rang. "Homework on page three-hundred thirty-five, due tomorrow," Mrs. Lorell said, trying to make her voice sound heard above the whispers and voices of the Juniors. "Oh, and Crystal," she said, just as she caught me before I went out the door. "I'd like to have a talk with you." "Sure ma'am. About what?" "It's about your... daydreaming problems," she said, just as I gave the *I hate it when you lecture me* sigh. "you just can't afford to fail eleventh grade. Think of your credits." "I'm sorry ma'am, I won't do it again." I said, but knew that sometime, I'd have to go against my word. She nodded. "Goodbye." she said and then dismissed me. "Bye." I said as I walked out the classroom door. I walked through the hall and every now and then, I would hear something aout "Oh she's gay!" or "I heard she went out with girls because none of the guys wanted her." Being openly bi in school, I just expected them to be talking about me. Trying to ignore them, I rushed into the library to do my homework in there, and in peace. There she was. She walked past me as I sat my bookbag by the table and sat in a chair at the table. I watched her walk over to a bookshelf and she scanned each row of college-bound books. I could no longer stand the tempt to walk up to her and just look into her deep, beautiful eyes; but deep inside, that was my biggest fear. I stood up and walked casually down the aisle of books she was in. I pretended to be looking at the books, but my eyes were on her the entire time. I glanced at her from over the pages of the book I had. The soft glow of the library light radiantly soaked into her short, golden-brown hair. I examined her every move. Her deep brown eyes moved back and forth as she searched each books' title. Her face expression was so serious as she kneeled down and traced her finger along that row of books. She pulled out a book and I licked my lips. I pretended to be deeply interested in the book as if all my attention was on it, when she looked up at me. She looked back at the shelf, and the temptation to say something to her was so major, that I just had to tell her something, though I could think of nothing to say at the moment. "I love you hair." I ended up saying. Of all things to say... why... She looked up and adjusted her glasses. "Thanks." she replied, then turned her attention back to the shelf. I stood dead still right there and as if I had forgotten how to move, my eyes locked onto her and couldn't really seem to do anything else. Five minutes passed and I managed to stand there perfectly still, while pretending to read, when suddenly, I lost my balance. I don't know what happened or why I had but I looked up and saw her standing over me. "Here, let me help." She held out her hand and I slowly grabbed it with mine. I wish I could have held onto it longer. Her smoothe fingers gently interlocked with mine and then she pulled me up. "Thanks." I said. She smiled. Her smile mesmorised me and I was lost in her eyes the moment I looked into them. "Hey, you okay?" "Oh, yeah, sorry." I said. "I have to go now. Bye." she said. "Bye." I replied. I watched her walk out the door and I kneeled down to pick up the other book she had. "I'll give it to her next time I see her," I though to myself, then stood up and walked over to the table. Rather than doing my homework, I sat down and opened up the book. I flipped to about the middle page of the book and stared at a picture of a forest meadow. It was actual, beautiful, amazing. By the time I started reading the words beside the picture, I started to drift into a very deep daydream. I fantasized that we two were standing in that meadow. I look over at her. Golden dew reflects from the sunshine on the grass, and my eyes are hooked. I slowly walk up to her and kneel down on the moshy grass in front of her. She kneels down beside me and cups my face in her firm hands. My breath increases to a slower, deeper, heavier form and the passion engulfs me to where I am just a mere droplet in this cloud of love. Majestic thoughts float around in my head. I feel her soft young lips up against my own as her arms embrace me and then I feel her lips drifting away from mine... As soon as my thoughts were really getting to an orgasming climax, the bell rang. I put the book in my bag and walked to my Algebra2 class(I saw that the book was checked out under her name on the library card so I didn't steal it or anything.) Once again, I encountered the very same discrimination in the hallway. I wondered what was so wrong about liking a girl as well as some guys... It wasn't like males were all that mattered in the life of a female, and since most of them were either immature or just narrow minded, I wasn't exactly attracted to them anyway. Seeing as how she was practically a genius and I only acted as if I were one, enlarged the boundary of difference between us. Besides the fact that she probably wasn't even bi or les in the first place made me skeptical. Why was it her I liked? Of all people- no- of all girls- her. I don't believe in liking a person for their looks or talent, but they do play somewhat of a role in a relationship between two people. Was it the simple fact that maybe I had matured at a faster rate than the others, or had encountered more diversity and events in my life to tell the difference between right and wrong, and how to handle emotions. In my mind, if something I saw was done wrong, I would correct it; but physically, I would be powerless. Many thought I was a quiet dreamer. I understand the motive for that stereotype. I wasn't exactly the social type, and she was. She was popular with everyone, even though through judging eyes she looked like a nerd; that didn't change her popularity level one bit. I figured that even though I tried my best to fit up to her level, I never would have a chance. "Am I trying too hard?" I kept asking myself, but I refused to let the answer be yes, because I knew no matter how hard I tried, there might be possibly, just even slightly, a chance of hope and relationship between us. I knew her before- well, last year- before she became popular. I had some of her friends in my classes; I just wish I had HER in one of them. All of my friends say that she would probably like me if she had gotten to know me a little better. How could anyone stand to like me? I am not beautiful nor popular. I suppose that if I try to go up to her level, she would think more of me and I would get her attention... but as time passed... the trying never once payed off. Oh, every once in awhile I would talk to her and attempt to start conversation, but everytime, the outcome was negative. The only actual gain I got from it was to be able to hear her beautiful, soft voice, and to look into her deep brown eyes. Sometimes at home, before bed, I'd cry myself to sleep, just knowing the fact that she's straight and that was all there was to it. I would never get a chance to show her the true me. I would never get to tell her I loved her. The thoughts of this were too much to bear. I even had to face this sick reality in school. Sometimes it would get so emotional, that I would have to either hold back my tears or call my parents for permission to leave school, fearing the emotional breakdown would increase and be disasterous. I felt it again. That same feeling of all hope lost, and the constant yearning of wanting her pierced at my heart. It turned worse the further I walked to class, so I decided I couldn't bear anymore of this aching and passed the Algebra2 room, straight to the girls restroom. I walked into the second restroom stall, and after lying my bookbag on the floor, put the toilet lid down and sat down on the toilet. The bell rang. Small tears were forming in my sore eyes and I couldn't help but feel sorry for myself. It was so hard to like someone that was heterosexual. I could hardly bear it. In the deepest section of my dreamers mind, I had hope that she might come in here to help me; as I read in some love stories. I only hoped that this could happen, but as yet, it didn't. I dug out last years yearbook and flipped to the page with her name and picture on it. She had the most beautiful name ever- Kandi. At speaking this name aloud, my heart would skip a beat; and at seeing her face, my heart would melt. I would forget all else and drift off into my little fantasy world of only her and I. I forgot about my unbearable pain and then drifted back into my fantasy world. ...I was walking down the hall in the usual way I would, but nobody harassed me, nor acted homophobic on me. I loved this new change. As soon as I had reached the end of the hallway to where it split into two seperate paths, I saw Kandi standing there. I walked up to her and smiled. I opened my locker and then she gently pushed me up against the locker next to mine and pressed her lips against mine. She cupped my blushing face in her hands and slid her sweet mellow tounge into my mouth as our tounges collided with each other. I felt as if I could melt right then and there. Could this be real... Could it really happen someday... I came out of my daydream and found myself sitting down on the toilet lid just as someone else walked into the girls restroom. I held my breath and had hoped it wasn't a teacher. Luckily it wasn't. I waited there until the person would leave but she acted like one of those preps, whispering to herself about her complection in the mirror. I finally got sick of it, flushed the toilet(even though I didn't use it) and walked out of the stall. As soon as I had closed the stall door, I looked at who was in there besides me. Amanda Rowland- Queen of Preps. I washed my hands and was just about to walk out of the restroom when I heard her whisper in her prep accent; "Hey, wrong restroom dyke." I felt the anger build up inside me but knew in my heart that I did not believe in hurting anyone, physically nor verbally. I ran my fingers through my short hair, looked over at her smirking face and turned out of the restroom to the Algebra2 class. I opened the door slowly and walked to my desk quietly, trying not to make myself seen while Mr. Young(Our algebra2 teacher) was teaching the next lesson. Mr. Young cleared his throat. "Nice of you to finally join us Crystal," he said. "please, have a seat." I felt all eyes on me.. and I had managed to get halfway to my desk before he had stopped me and said that. I was getting over the embarassment of being late for class- in fact, class was half over- when suddenly a jock-prep spoke up. "I think the dyke should be sent to the office for dicrupting our class." he said in a sarcastic voice and gave me a little prep smirk as the other students giggled and laughed. I had had enough of this bullshit(even though I didn't think it was right to hurt someone else,) so I slammed my books down on my desk and went at him. I jumped over one of the empty desks and slapped him across the face. "BITCH!" I screamed. He stood up and shoved me down into a row of desks. I landed on the floor after hitting my head on a desk. I felt a great amount of pain in the back of my neck. I opened my eyes only to see people staring at him around in a circle as he was killing me. I truly thought I was going to die. I felt his knees press against my stomach and I tried so hard to breathe, but my body just didn't have enough strength. I tried to fight back, but couldn't. His huge curled fist collided with my face. Over and over he kept punching me and wouldn't stop. My muscles felt dead. I couldn't move then. I just wish someone would help me instead of watch me die. I felt a small drop of blood run from my nose into my eye. It hurt so bad.. I could only see red . . . Finally someone pulled him off of me, thank god. They stood there looking at me. I heard some whisper "Think she's dead?" as I turned my neck to the side and whispered softly "Help..." as the tears from my eyes cleared the blood out. "Someone go get help!" I heard Mr. Young say, but he sounded so far away and his voice fading even further. "You're going to be okay." I heard a voice say from someone kneeling down beside me. The next thing I remember, I was lying on a hospital bed in a white hospital robe. I sat up. I looked around my room, which was white for the most part, with mellow rays of sunlight beaming through the curtains. The beeping of the monitor shocked me and I put my hand on my forehead. The pressure of my hand made it hurt worse so I slowly traced my fingers softly over the huge bandage that almost covered my entire forehead. I felt for any other wounds on me and there was another bandage on my nose. My robe had come a little unbuttoned so I buttoned the rest back up and covered my legs with the sheet. "Well well, look who's up." a voice said. I looked around and saw a nurse walk in carrying some pills and a small glass of water. I looked up. "Ugh, my head hurts." I said as I felt my forehead again when the pain returned. "I would imagine... from the beating I heard you went through." "Please, don't remind me." I said as I sighed. "Here, take these. They'll make most of the pain go away." she said as she handed me some pills and the glass of water. I took the pills and swallowed a mouthful of the water soon after. Minutes slowly passed as my dad had arrived to see me. He knocked on the door to my hospital room even though it was already open, just to be polite. "Are you Crystal Sovers' father?" the nurse asked. "Yes, I am." he said as he took a few steps into the room. "Well the doctor said she did suffer from a broken nose and severe bruises... By the impact of his muscles and weight, it's a wonder that she didn't get killed." The nurse said as she shook her head back and forth doubtingly. "When could I get out?" I asked. "Whenever you feel ready, since you can still get up; though, take it easy. You aren't fully recovered yet so it might be a good idea to stay home from school for a few days." "Thanks. Dad, could I go home now to rest?" "If you're sure and the doctor says it's ok, then let's go." he said as he smiled. I slid out of the side of the bed and landed on my feet. The hard cement floor felt cold to my bare toes and feet. I stumbled a few times when I tried to walk but I had gotten better at it and could walk on my own without any help. "You'd better get changed out of that if you're going home." dad said. "Ok." I said, as the nurse handed me the clothes my dad brought and I walked into the restroom with them. I changed and walked out with the robe in my hand. "Just lie the robe on the bed. I'll take care of it." the nurse said. "Are you ready?" dad said. "Yeah." I replied. "Let's go and sign you out of this place." "Ok." We walked out of my former hospital room and took the elevator a few floors down to the entrance. Dad signed me out at the office and we walked out to the parking lot. As soon as I walked out, I saw dads black pickup truck. We both climbed in and I put on my seatbelt as he started it. We pulled out of the parking lot and soon we were heading out of town to our little rural house in the mountains. "Tell me, what exacty happened to you?" he asked as we were driving along the highway by a field of grass and a pasture with cows in it. I raised my head up from leaning it on the window and looked at him. "Just got into a fight..." He let out his sigh of disapproval and was just about to say something else. "Dad, I know. Don't get into fights, just tell the teacher." I said, trying to mock him. "You know I'm afraid that you'd be hurt- just like now." he said. "Dad, there was a perfectly good reason for it." "And what's that reason?" "I don't really wanna talk about it." "And why is that?" "Because it's personal..." I said. "Good lord, you just got out of the hospital, why can't you just tell me what happened?" "Dad, you wouldn't understand." "Ok, fine." he said and looked a little angry at me. I laid my head back onto the window as the pickup neared our home in the mountains. I opened my eyes just a little more to look out of the window. I stared out into the open feild and remembered the picture of the meadow in the book I had that Kandi forgot in the library. Rich, elegant rays of light penetrated the lucious scenery of the mountains behind the field. My fingers slowly traced an invisible sad face on my passenger window and I let out a small sigh. "Dad, ever had a crush on someone that you was sure they wouldn't like you back?" I looked over at him and asked. He looked at me and made a questionable face gesture. "Yeah, why?" "Just wondering." I replied, fearing not to sound suspicious. "Why do you always ask something but never finish it?" "I'm not really sure." I said in almost a whisper. "What? Speak up." "I said I'm not really sure." I hated having a soft voice... I figured that's why nobody ever really wanted to listen to me. I lied my head down on the window again and sighed as the pickup truck pulled onto the long dirt road to my house. We passed the old Henderson place, which everyone thought was haunted and I glanced at the dead grass on the lawn. It wasn't long before we reached the house; our house. We pulled into the driveway and mom was standing out on the front porch. I opened the door just as dad did and both got out at about the same time. "Took you two long enough. Lunch is on the kitchen table." mom said. "Thanks mom." I said. "Dear, what happened? Why were you in the hospital?" "Nothing mom. I'm okay now. May I please rest?" "Yes. I'll keep your lunch covered until you're ready to eat." "Thanks mom." "You two coming in or what?" dad said. We both laughed and walked inside while dad held the door for us. I walked upstairs to my room, opened the door, shut it behind me, and locked it; I've always had this strange habit of locking every door behind me... I lied down on the egde of my bed with my feet hanging out and thought about every single thing that just happened to me. Discrimination, Kandi, violence, fear; my life in general. What was I to do now? I liked a heterosexual, or who I thought was heterosexual. She's sweet, smart, the most beautiful girl I had ever seen in my life, and I just wish I could tell her... I pulled out last years yearbook again and stared at her picture. (Why Kandi..? Why not some other girl who I might have had a better chance with. I sound so selfish to myself. I never quite understood myself... Why was I different from the others? I didn't have the same intrests as them. I went for personality and intelligence rather than looks or popularity. Next year I would graduate, and finally be able to get out of this school life. I'd be able to express who I was better... but... it still wouldn't change the fact that Kandi went out with boys. How could I be so sure of this? I'd never even asked her... Maybe I should.. maybe I should face my fear and..... But wait... Am I ready for this? To just spill my feelings out to someone who probably wouldn't understand me...? It's now or never...) I thought. I picked up the phone and began to dial her number(I had peviously looked up her phone number in the phonebook a few years ago when we met each other) but just as I pushed in the last number I put the phone up to my ear and heard a busy signal. A small tear formed in my eye and I knew what that signal meant; I'd have to wait longer to try and put my love emotions into words and thoughts into verbal content. I turned off the phone, lied down beside while holding it in my hands and dreamt more of Kandi as I waited to call her. I rested the back of my head on my crossed arms. I slowly closed my eyes as I let the fantasies engulf my thoughts. ...It was midnight and I was sleeping over at her house. I slid my hand across the curves of her young sexy body and felt her warm breath on my bare exposed skin. I caress my hands over her stomach, sit up and cup her breasts in my hands. She felt so soft, so sensual... In the dark... In her house... On her bed... "Hey Crystal... I have something important I need to tell you." I heard her say in the daydream. "Yes?" I replied. "I think I..." she started, but I was brought out of my daydream by the phones ringing. I answered it. "Hello?" I said. "Hey, Who is this?" the other voice said. Oh my god it was Kandi! I froze and thought of something inrtellegent to say. "It's Crystal, from school." "Oh, hey, did you just call me? This is the number I dialed that showed up on caller id." "Yeah, sorry if it was at a bad time." "Oh, it's ok, I was just using the phone while I was doing my homework." "I'll call back later if you want." "No, that's okay, I can talk." "Okay, cool." A moment of silence passed between our phones before I broke it. "Have you heard the rumors in school about me?" I suddenly blurted. "No, should I have?" "It's not too important; just personal." "You dont have to tell me if you don't want to." "No I just... Are you open minded?" "Yeah." she said. I sighed and thought over what I was going to say. "There's a rumor going around that says I'm a dyke." "...And is it true?" "...Not all of it... I'm bi." "Oh..." "I hope it's okay." "I... I don't know." I paused in a moment of painful silence and hoped that I didn't hear what I just thought I did. "What's the problem?" "Please don't take it offensive or anything but I'm a loyal christian and I don't believe in developing a close relationship with people who are "that way." I mean, I would as well look suspicious to my parents and friends if I just started to hang around you. I'm sorry. I hope you could try to understand." "I uh, I guess..." "Well I'd still say hi to you in school and all." "Not like you ever did." I whispered in a sarcastic voice. "I have to go, I have homework." I sighed. "Bye." I said She then hung up the phone. (Damnit, why couldn't this just be easier, I mean, why does she have to be religious, why does she have to be so attractive... Why..?) I thought to myself and then hung up the phone. I leaned back onto my soft pillow and cried as the pain overtook every positive feeling I had at that moment. Cold tears made a wet trail down my cheeks and soaked into the warm pillow. Soft rays of light shone through my bedroom curtains as I opened my eyes and looked at them through the tears. I've liked Kandi for the past two years... It.. hurt... I remember being in band with her as a freshman a few years ago. I played the trumpet; as did she. That was the only year I was in band because I didnt like it very well and was never good at it in my opinion. I never actually recalled any memories of us befriending another during that period of time, though I could at the least say I knew her. I hadn't had the same crush on her then as I did now but I wish that I had gotten to know her better because I would at least then have an idea of her intrests. I was too lame and ignorant then to care but it dawned on me that that was the only chance I had at becoming her friend or something like that. I now regret my ignorance and would give anything to be able to go back in time again. If I would have known her better and waited a little longer, then I would probably have more of a chance with her... I rolled over, laid on the edge of the bed on my stomach while my arm was hanging off and stared at the carpet. I want out of this nightmare... I want some way to escape. Nobody in school understands me... Nobody cares that I'm hurt and who I want is something I can't have... Just let me die... ********** I crawled out of bed and glanced out of the window to my backyard. I thought that I might have a possible chance of escaping. I opened the window, crawled out onto the roof, slid down the side and snuck quietly behind the thick bushes on the other side of the fence. I thought that if I crawl behind the fence, nobody would see me, so I did just that. I crawled further down the field by the fence and quiet as possible, trying to avoid the thornbushes and snakes that might be well hidden to attack any prey. I looked back and barely seen my house through all of the branches and limbs from the trees on the hill. I didn't think they'd be able to see me so I stood up, climbed over the fence and walked further down the dirt road. I looked down the hill and saw the old abandon Henderson's place. I walked further down the road until a truck pulled up behind me. "Crystal?" The driver of the truck said. I immediately recognized that voice and could tell it was my childhood friend, David. He was a year older than me and went to the same school I did but he graduated early and was in college. I turned around. "Hi David." I said. "Hey, where are you going?" "Just taking a walk.." "Need a ride?" "No, it's not far." "It doesn't seem like you to just take a walk. Are you okay?" "It's not illegal, you know." I sarcastically said. "Well sorry, just concerned. What's that on your nose?" "It's nothing. Thank you for being concerned, though, but you don't have to ask as many questions." "Okay, sorry. No problem.. See you around." he said and then drove off. I neared the abandon Henderson's place and walked onto the turn off to their old dead lawn. I examined every detail of the hundred year-old house and barn. Dead, rotting trees were planted randomly aroud the place as if it was just built in the middle of the forest. I walked closer to the house and stepped up onto the porch. I opened the old door, walked inside and then shut it. The place was surely abandon. White sheets covered the furnature that was still left. A layer of thick, gray dust aligned every flat surface there was inside. I walked up the old creaky stairway with loose boards in it and got to the top floor. With the floor squeaking, I slowly paced my way to a window through another room. I pryed the loose boards off of the window and opened it. This was why everyone thought the house was cursed. There was said to be a rumor that when her love left her, Susan Henderson cursed this house and hung herself at this very window. She tied a rope to the clothesline and jumped out. I hesitated to do the same. I enevtually convinced myself I had nothing to live for and only myself to die for so I put the rope that was hanging there around my neck and hung my feet out of the window. I sat there a few moments before I'd die to examine all of the detail around me. This is the last thing I'd see before I died. An old, dead, depressing forest surrounding a bard in front of me and a so-called cursed house behind me. I traced my finger along the window sill and noticed something carved on the wood with a knife. "Tis this be my fate after love?" it said. I understood it perfectly. I knew this was my fate. "Crystal!" I turned around and looked at David standing in the doorway to the room. "David," I said. "go away, this is my decision. Don't try to stop me. This is my fate." "No. No it's not. Please let me help." "How? How can you? You can't make my life any better by just feeling sorry for me." "Please let me try." he said. "It's too late. The last thing I want to do is live longer." "Oh so you're just going to run away from all of this? Imagine how everyone would feel if you did." "Call it whatever you want. They wouldn't care. They want me dead." "No, not all of them. Imagine how I'd feel if you were gone. Imagine how your parents would feel." "David, it hurts. To be in love with someone you can't have..." "I know. I know how you feel. Please get down so we can talk about this. Please." I hesitated and took the rope off. I climbed off of the window and walked toward David when the floor caved in under me. I fell through the floor and could feel the sharp wooden splinters pressing up against my body. I hung on to the edge as tight as I could. David ran over and grabbed my wrist. "David, please help me. I'm going to fall!" "I won't let go! Try to pull yourself up!" he said. I put all of my strength into my muscles and finally pulled myself up. I lied down on my back with my face turned towards David and my hands over the wounds the splinters had caused. "David?" "Yeah?" "Thanks." I said. He smiled and walked over to me. He crawled down and hugged me. "Woah, are you okay?" "Yeah, I am," I said, looking at my wounds. "they're not very bad." "You should still get them cleaned up. I have a first aid kit in my truck." "You do?" I said and giggled. "Yeah, why? It's not like I like pain." I giggled again. "I didn't know you were the type of guy to carry around a first aid kit. Hehe." "Well you never know when something might happen, like now." "True." "Can you stand up?" he asked. "Yeah but it would hurt." "Then I'll carry you downstairs." "You sure?" "Yeah. I lift weights so it wouldn't be too hard." "If you're sure, okay." "Ready?" "Yeah." He picked me up, carried me through the hallway, down the stairs and lied me on the steps outside by the door. "Wait here. Let me go get my truck." "Okay." He ran as fast as he could down the dirt road and a few minutes later, his red pickup truck came up the hill and parked in front of the house. He got out, opened the tailgate and then walked over to me. He picked me up, carried me over to the tailgate and lied me down in it. "Let me go get the kit." "Okay." I watched him open the passenger seat's door and dug into the glove compartment, then pulled out the first aid kit. "I think this should do." He pulled out some adhesive bandages and alcohol. "Is the splinter in you?" "No, I'm just cut on my arm." He poured a little alcohol on my cut. "F$&@! That hurts!!" I screamed. He looked at me. "Who's the sissy now?" he said. I kicked him in the arm and we both giggled. He put the band-aid on my cut. "By the way, what happened to your nose, and forehead for that matter?" "Got into a fight." "About you being bi?" "Yeah, how'd you know?" "They were talking about you when I still went to that school." "Oh, it figures." "Could you explain this fight?" "Well, it's a long story so I'll make it short. I was sad right before he called me "dyke" and mad after so... I got pissed and punched him." "Oh. I get it." "Yeah, so he punched me back, crawled on top of me and started hitting me more so I ended up in the hospital." "Ouch." "Yeah that's a small idea what it felt like." I sat up and stretched. I observed the rich, beautiful scenery around me as the dead forest seemed to come livelier as the sky turned bluer. The blackness of the bark transforned into a brown and the other trees had the greenest leaves you could ever imagine. I was lying face up in the back of the pickup truck savoring every detail of this moment. "It's so beautiful..." I whispered. "What?" "I said, it's so beautiful." "What is?" "Everything... I don't ever want to leave this moment." "Speaking of that, if you don't mind me asking, why were you going to commit suicide in the first place?" I sighed. "You know Kandi Hartman?" "Oh, yeah. I've seen her." he said. "Well I've had a big crush on her for a few years and I just called her today. In short, I told her I was bi and found out she was very religious." "Oh.. I'm sorry. I really am." "Me too. I wish I had gotten to know her better while we were still strangers." I said. He shrugged. "We were in band together a few years ago, but never really talked to each other. All she done was sign my yearbook." I added. "Well hey, even if you won't get her as a girlfriend, you could still help people who are going through what you are. You could be the voice of the bisexuals or something." "How?" I asked. "You said a few weeks ago that you wrote, right?" "Yeah." "Write a speech or something for the school paper." I thought the idea over. "Thank you! That sounds great. I'll try it." "No problem. You have nothing to lose." "True." "Hey should I drive you home or..?" "NO! I mean, I'll walk and find a way to get inside." "If you're sure.. okay." I slid off of the tailgate and hugged him. "Thank you so much for everything." I said. "Your welcome." I walked up the hill and turned around to wave at David. He waved back. I climbed back over the fence and crawled across the field back to my backyard. I climbed over the fence again and found myself standing behind my house. I eventually climbed back up the side of the house and crawled through my window. I landed on the floor with a "Thump!". "Are you okay up there?" mom screamed. "Yeah mom, I'm fine!" I closed the window as it started to rain and decided to take a little nap. As soon as I woke up I looked at my alarm clock. "Damnit, it's midnight. Didn't mean to sleep THAT long.." The rest of that night, I couldn't sleep and the previous nap wasn't quite helping. I kept thinking over the advice David had given me. Sure, it was good advice, but WHAT to write was beginning to irritate me. I had so much I wanted to say but such a limit of space in the paper. The school wouldn't want to hear what I had to say... but maybe the town would. Though this town was known to be narrow minded, there would always be at least one that would listen. There's always that one person who has diverse opinions than the rest of the population. Even that one person could be able to change the views of more. That one person could maybe change a life completely... I began to think about all of the prejudice I had been facing all along. Maybe I'd write about that, or the rights of gay's. (No.. that's too misleading. It's not even focused on the entire point. What if... Discrimination! Yes! That's perfect... All I have to do now is figure out something to say about it.)I thought up words all night long and this is what I'd come up with: "Hate. Voilence. Suicide. All factors of discrimination; but can we, innocent victims of this hate in the school; stop this? Unfortunately not anytime soon. Homosexuality, being against most beliefs and religions, is a rather uncomfortable topic for those who are deeply religious and were taught that it was "wrong" throughout their life. Being a victim of this form of prejudice, I happen to know how it feels because of discrimination of sexuality. The world lacks open-mindedness and tolerance, but thrives on diversity. In the Bill of Rights of the U. S. Constitution, it clearly states that all citizens have a freedom of religion and a right to an opinion with an additional right of speech to back it up, but can we believe what we want without being hated or say what we believe without the fear of being some of the only ones thinking that? Everytime someone asks you if you're gay(and if you truly are), do you deny it just so that you can live another day of life in peace and to think howsoever you wish to think? Do you gladly admit it and hear rumors about you the next day? Do christians give you a lecture about who you are and how much they hate it, or do they say it's cool and smile about it? Most often, the first reaction is the lecture. Very rarely will you see a deeply religious person accepting who you are. I, myself, am not christian, but have nothing against them; except for the fact that most appear too narrow-minded. A world of acceptance equals a world of more understanding, which equals a more peaceful world, and the chance to have another tomorrow." I proofread it, edited it and thought it was nearly perfect but there was something missing; it needed a touching title... ("Discrimination"? No.. "Hate In The Hallways"? No... Wait! "Dicrimination: The War Of Tomorrow"!) After I had thought up a good title, I put the speech in the top shelf of my desk and locked it. I then looked at the clock again and about six hours had passed since I last looked at it. I walked over to the window and gazed past the hills and the trees. This is my home. This is the land I had lived on for all of my life. I'm part of this nature, this galactic balance, this miracle that allows us to live. I am one with this scenario. I have a reason to live... As I kept thinking of this, the light from the sunrise struck my face and glowed against my pale skin as if my skin itsself was colored to match the sky and its surroundings that make it up. The warmth of the sun nourished the chill of the previous night and the dew on the grass of the rolling hills glistened as every moment the sun rose higher and higher until I would spot it at its most dazzling point in the ranging blue sky with shades of every blue overtaking the darkness. I was so overwhelmed in awe at this sight of natural beauty that I forgot about time and sat there staring at the growing day. A few hours later I had noticed the passing time and glanced at my clock. It was still early but I could now feel myself getting sleepy. I went back to sleep and let the rest of the day pass by keeping myself busy with eating, sleeping and homework and as soon as I knew it, the next day had come around. I had slightly recovered but I was able to go back to school. The alarm clock rang and I heard a knock on my door. "Hey," Dad said. "do you feel like going to school?" "Sure dad." I said, crawling out of bed. I stood up, yawned, and stretched as the dizzy feeling floated around in my head, as it does everytime I stand up too quickly. I walked over to the mirror, looked at myself and after making a million distorted faces, walked out of my room to take a bath. After the bath, I got dressed and put on my shoes. I rarely eat breakfast so I grabbed my bookbag and was ready to go. "Hey dad, I'm ready." "Ok, get in the truck." he said. I walked outside and climbed onto the pickup truck and he followed. After driving the few miles it was to school, we finally arrived and he dropped me off. "Oh, and Crystal, for our sake and yours, please try not to get into anymore fights." "Okay dad, bye." I got out, shut the door and watched him leave. I walked toward the big steps to the school and sat down on the bottom one while waiting for school to start. I traced my finger around the cold, dry cement steps and stared into the blue sky. There was just something that I felt was missing. I felt yet incomplete... ...I looked around the schoolyard. It was eerily empty and silent. I walked toward the road slowly and suddenly a hand touched my shoulder. I jumped and looked back. "Who are you?" I said while examining the brunette who was a few inches taller than me. Her eyes sparkled a kind hazel shine and gave me a half-smile. "My name's Taylor." she said in nearly a whisper. "What's going on?" "I have to go... bye..." she said and started backing up. "No wait!" I said but couldn't stop her. The bell rang just as I had come out of my daydeam. "Damn that was weird." I thought to myself. I grabbed the book from my locker and the day passed slowly, but then something unusual happened about the time seventh, the final period, came along. I walked into my Algebra2 class just as I would everyday and sat in my assigned desk. The bell rang as we all got out our books. The door opened and a girl with a hood on walked in. I didn't pay much attention to this until I heard Mr. Young say the name "Taylor". I then looked up and watched as Mr. Young pointed to an empty desk to the left of me. I watched the hooded girl walk up to the desk and lie her bag down beside her. She took off her dark blue hooded jacket and I was even more shocked than before. She had looked exactly like the girl in my daydream. Hazel eyes, dark brown hair, and I barely noticed at the moment that she appeared taller than me. She got out her book and scanned to the page the rest of us were on. "Hey, psst, hey you." she whispered. I looked over at her, unsure she was even talking to me. "Yeah?" I answered. "What page are you on?" "243." "Thanks." Mr. Young looked up at us. "Ladies, it's not time to start conversation." he said. "Sorry sir." we both said. He looked back down at his book and so did we, or at least pretended to. I couldn't stop peeking at Taylor for some reason, and I had noticed she couldn't stop looking at me either. We exchanged looks throughout class and finally stopped when the bell rang, not even paying attention to the lesson nor homework. I put my book in my bag and walked out of the room. I looked back into the room and seen that Taylor was still putting her books up. She stood up and her bag was so heavy that it ripped and all of her books fell out. "Damnit." she said in a semi-whisper. I walked into the room and kneeled down beside her. "Let me help, please." I said. "Th.. thanks." she said. "No problem." "Hey, I think I saw you somewhere." she said. "Really, where?" "I don't know... just seems like we met before." I looked up at her and noticed that she'd stopped piling her books up before I did. I smiled and piled the rest up in my arms to carry them for her. "Ready?" I asked. "Yeah." "Ok, come on." I walked out of the room with her books wrapped up in my arms and my own bookbag on my back. I walked outside into the empty schoolyard. Looking at each truck, none of them looked like my dads so I'd have to wait longer. A hand touched my shoulder and I turned around. "Hey." she said. (Oh my god... I just realized this moment seemed familiar. Maybe some sort of dejavu I thought.) "Woah." I said. "You okay?" "Yeah.." I said. She stared at me and I stared back as if we could read each others minds. We stood there as the only ones out there just as in the fantasy I had. A truck pulled up and honked the horn. "Hey, that's my dad. I have to go." I said. "Wait.. what's your name?" "I'm Crystal. Crystal Sovers, you?" "Taylor Johnson. Nice to meet you." "Yeah, you too. See you tomorrow." "Bye." she said. "Bye." I replied. I walked up to my dads pickup truck and climbed inside. "Who's that?" he asked. "A new friend." I said, staring at her every moment she was visible from the truck. We drove back home and for the rest of the night I did homework, though I barely understood how to do any of it. I'd just realized two extra books other than my own on my bed. I opened thecover. "Taylor Johnson" they said. "Damnit," I whispered to myself, "I forgot to give them to her." I would only hope that she didn't have that much homework otherwise she'd miss it. I was now a little confused and angry at myself for paying so little attention. About an hour later, the phone rang and I answered it. "Hello?" I said. "Hey, this is Taylor. I found your number in the phonebook and I think you have something of mine. Hehe." "Oh, yeah, I'm really sorry." "No problem. I am too. I didn't have homework in those subjects and made you carry the books the whole time." she said and giggled at me. "Oh, well okay, hehe." "Hey, are you doing anything this evening?" she asked. "I don't know yet, I mean, I might go somewhere I suppose but it wont take longer than twenty minutes." "Oh, well, are you free tomorrow?" "As far as I know, yes." I answered. "Great, could I visit you for awhile tomorrow?" "Yeah, sure. Where will we meet? I asked. "Umm.." "Hey, I got it! David could pick us up." "Ok, cool." she said. "See you tomorrow." "You too." "Bye." we both said and hung up. "Wow, I.. Wha.. What just happened?" I thought to myself after I hung up the phone. I was beginning to suspect something strange but didn't have any sure ideas yet. I'd just then remembered again about the speech I'd written. I got it out from my desk and overlooked it again before folding it up in my pocket. I picked up the phone again and dialed David's number. I heard his phone ring through my phone. "Hello?" he said. "Hey David," I said, "could you take me to the newspaper office?" "When?" "Tonight," I said, "please It won't take very long." "Umm, alright. Meet you at your house." he said. "Thanks! See you then!" I said and hung up the phone without saying bye. I opened my room door and yelled downstairs. "Mom, dad, David's gonna take me to newspaper place." "Why?" mom asked. "There's just umm, a, a poem that I want to put in it." "Oh, okay." she said. A few minutes later, David pulled up. I got into his truck and we pulled down the hill and into town. We drove onto the square and into the parking lot. I got out and walked into the daily times where I saw a woman sitting at a desk and printers all around. "Hello. How may I help you?" the woman said. "Yes, umm, I'd like to put this in the paper." I pulled out the speech, unfolded it and handed it to her. "Oh, this is, very," she looked up at me, "deep and descriptive." "Please." I asked. "Oh I suppose I could ask them to. Name please?" "Crystal Sovers." I said. "Thank you. it should be in tomorrows paper, if not it will be in Friday's. I'll just do my best, since not everybody likes this topic. But I'll see what I can do." she said. "Thank you very much ma'am," I said, trying to be polite, "have a nice day." "Have a good day yourself. Goodbye." she said. "Bye." I walked out of the daily times office and back into the truck. "How'd it go?" David asked. "Well, I have a chance." "Good." he said. We pulled out of the parking lot and arrived home a few minutes later. "Oh, and David," I said. "Yeah?" he asked. "Thanks." "No problem." I waved at him and watched him pull out and drive back to his house. The sky was getting darker and the weather colder so I went inside. I lied on my bed and stared out my window until I felt my eyes hurting and my muscles getting weaker. I stared into the sunset until my eyes eventually shut on me and I'd fallen asleep right then and there. The next morning, I woke up, got ready and went to school as usual. When I arrived there, I walked over to the steps as usual also, but instead of being by myself, I saw Taylor standing there waiting for me. "Hey, nice to see you again." she said. "You too. By the way, are you new?" I said. "Yeah, I am. I moved here from the state capitol." "Why here?" "Family." "Oh cool." "I'm staying with my aunt because dad's busy. He's working for the state." she said. "Oh? Is he in Congress or something?" "State representative." "Cool, what's it like being his daghter?" "Well, he's always getting calls." she said and giggled. I giggled too. The bell rang and I picked up my bookbag and the books of hers that I had. "By the way, here." I said and handed her the books. "Thanks, sorry for the trouble." "No problem." I said. As slow as it had began, school had ended even slower. I found myself having replaced the thoughts of Kandi with Taylors and it didn't take me long to notice I was over Kandi. The problem is, would Taylor like me too or would it end up as it did with Kandi. I could only hope nothing like that would happen again. I was hurt enough by that and being hurt again would finish me. But, why did I like this girl? I barely knew her and knew nothing of her background, but the feeling of friendship and acceptance she gives me. I feel like I can be myself around her. I feel I can tell her anything on my mind and she'd understand. Please don't let anything bad happen. I'm innocent. I've done nothing wrong... After school I waited in front of the steps for my new friend. I looked around at the serene scenario which was usually replaced by the sounds of talking and whispering. No cars seemed to be on the road and there was no sign of noise anywhere. A silent moment filed the air while I decided to sit down to wait for Taylor. ...We were sitting on top of a hill on a feild that was far past my backyard. We sat close together and gazed into the majestic sunset hand-in-hand. The essence of romance swept us in its flame as the power of love seduced our hearts. I leaned on her shoulder and placed a soft kiss on her cheek. "I love you." I whispered in her ear. "I love you too." she looked at me and replied. I leaned forward a little and pressed my lips gently upon hers. I opened my mouth a little and slid my tounge between her lips. My tounge collided into hers and caressed the smoothe skin of hers. We kissed deeper. I wrapped my arm around her back and touched her cheek with my other hand. I loved this moment. Please don't let it stop... "Hey." I heard as I turned around. "Oh, hey Taylor." I said. "You okay?" she asked. "Yeah, I'm fine, why?" "Just wondering." "Okay." I said. Dad pulled up and I stood up. I walked toward his pickup truck. "Hey Taylor, it's okay. He's just my dad." I said waving for her to come. "Okay." she said and followed me. "Hey dad, this is Taylor. Could she stay at the house for awhile?" I asked. "Sure." he said. "Thanks dad." "Thank you sir." she said. We both got in and sat quietly still during the whole trip. When we arrived, I introduced her to my parents and showed her up to my room. I shut the door behind me and locked it as I usually do. "Hey nice room; and why did you lock the door?" "Oh, sorry, I just always do that. I'll unlock it if you want." "No, it's okay." she said. She walked around and examined every part of my room. "So, what do you like to do for fun?" "Sing, draw, write..." I started but was interrupted. "Write!? Oh my god!" "Yeah?" I questioned as she dug something out of her pocket. "What's that?" "I found this in the paper. I didn't know if you wrote it but it has your name." She handed me the article. "Discrimination: The War Of Tomorrow!? That's mine!" "Seriously?" she asked. "Yeah." She sat down on the bed beside me. "What inspired you to write this?" "Daily experiences." "So you're... a lesbian?" she asked. "I uhh.." "Oh, I, nevermind. Forget I asked." she said. I lifted up her chin slowly. "Yes, I am." She looked at me. "I.. I am too." she said. My heart skipped a beat. All I now wanted to do was hold her and never let go but I didn't know if that would be a good move. I was happy and a tear of joy squeezed out of my eye. I didn't want to cry because I'd give Taylor the wrong idea. "What's wrong? was it something I said?" she asked when she saw me cry. "It's nothing, really." I said. She wrapped her arms around me and held me close to her. I loved her touch. Her soft embrace. At that moment I hugged her and pressed my face against her soft breasts. My tears soaked into her light jacket. "Shh, it's okay." she said and stroked my hair with her caring, loving hands. I looked up and smiled at her. "Sorry, I just never met anyone else like that. I felt alone until I met you." I said. "To tell you the truth, that's another reason why I moved. I was tired of discrimination and hoped to meet someone that understood me." "Really?" "Yeah," she said, "and I'm glad it was you that I met." I smiled and hugged her yet again. "I'm glad I met you too." I said. We sat there for about twenty minutes holding and hugging each other. I was never into total erotica so I didn't try anything. I preferred just being with her at the moment. "Hey by the way," she said, "there's supposed to be an assembly in the park today. Wanna go check it out?" "What's it about?" "I don't know, but if it's nothing good, we could always take a walk together over there." "Sure, I'll go." "How far from here is the park?" "It's actually a few miles. We could walk, hitch a ride or drive dad's truck." I said. "Do you have a liscense?" "Not yet." "Well I do. Maybe your dad would let us go out in it for a few hours." she said. "Maybe. I'll ask." I opened the door and walked downstairs. "Dad, could we borrow your truck? Taylor has a liscense." "Not my new one," he said, "and does she have insurance? If she does then I'll let her." "Ok, I'll ask." I walked back upstairs to my room. "Hey Taylor, he said you could borrow his old truck if you have insurance." I said. "Yeah, my dad works for the state. Of course I would have it." she said. "Hehe cool. Just a sec." I walked back downstairs and told dad she had insurance and everything was okay. "Well okay, but be careful." he said as he tossed me the keys. I smiled and walked back upstairs one last time to get Taylor. "Hey come on. It's okay. So you ready?" "Yeah." she said. "Ok, let's go." We both walked downstairs and out into the garage to get the old truck. I jumped in and handed Taylor the keys. "Ready?" she asked. "Yeah." I answered. "Okay, cool. Let's go." She started the truck and backed out of the garage. We pulled down the hill and I gave her directions to the park. We arrived to the egde of down and parked in the crowded parking lot. "This assembly must be really important." I said. "Yep." she said. "You knew about this, didn't you?" "Maybe." "Why didn't you tell me? What's it about?" I asked. "You'll see." she said. We got out of the truck and made our way through the parking lot. We arrived at the park and I stared around at the crowd gathered around the stage. We walked down the hill to the park and walked toward the crowd. For some odd reason, they started cheering at me. I smiled and made my way through the applauding crown and Taylor followed. I stood at the front of the crowd while I watched Taylor walk behind the stage, wondering why. The stage was set with a huge rainbow banner in the background and a pair of steps on each side with a podium in the middle. "Thank you all for coming." the woman at the mic said as soon as the applauding died down. "We all know why we're here, at least most of us do." she added. I smiled and looked around. "We're here in honor of the gay's, bisexual's and transsexuals who have gone through discrimination for being who they are. Wether male or female, none of us deserve to go through that. At this moment, I'd like to introduce a special guest. David." I looked carefully at the guy and recognized exactly who he was. David! He thanked the woman and traded places with her. "Hello. I'm David and most of you know me and know that I'm bisexual.." he said. (What!? David, bisexual? He never told me that. I never knew until now.) "...and in concluding that," he said as I noticed I had missed the rest, "I'd like to introduce my best friend, and author, whom all of you will most likely know for her article in the newspaper called Discrimination: The War Of Tomorrow. Please give a round of applause for Crystal Sovers." he concluded. Suprised and unexpecting of this, I walked up the side steps as the crowd roared with applause while I took the mic from David. A small group stood in the back and chanted "Crys-tal Crys-tal" as I waited for the applaud to die down. I thought quickly of something to say and just let words come out, though I hadn't practiced any of this at all. "Hello all of you. Thank you for attending this assembly. I'm sure all of you are quite familiar with my article "Discrimination: The War Of Tomorrow" as David had mentioned. My experiences through highschool taught me that everything happens for a reason. The galactic balance between good and evil must always be equal. David taught me that. He also taught me that if you don't give up on life, the stronger you will become. He also persuaded me to write this article. I would like to recite this article to you all before I conclude my speech: Discrimination: The War Of Tomorrow Hate. Voilence. Suicide. All factors of discrimination; but can we, innocent victims of this hate in the school; stop this? Unfortunately not anytime soon. Homosexuality, being against most beliefs and religions, is a rather uncomfortable topic for those who are deeply religious and were taught that it was "wrong" throughout their life. Being a victim of this form of prejudice, I happen to know how it feels because of discrimination of sexuality. The world lacks open-mindedness and tolerance, but thrives on diversity. In the Bill of Rights of the U. S. Constitution, it clearly states that all citizens have a freedom of religion and a right to an opinion with an additional right of speech to back it up, but can we believe what we want without being hated or say what we believe without the fear of being some of the only ones thinking that? Everytime someone asks you if you're gay(and if you truly are), do you deny it just so that you can live another day of life in peace and to think howsoever you wish to think? Do you gladly admit it and hear rumors about you the next day? Do christians give you a lecture about who you are and how much they hate it, or do they say it's cool and smile about it? Most often, the first reaction is the lecture. Very rarely will you see a deeply religious person accepting who you are. I, myself, am not christian, but have nothing against them; except for the fact that most appear too narrow-minded. A world of acceptance equals a world of more understanding, which equals a more peaceful world, and the chance to have another tomorrow." I said and walked off the stage while they cheered. We walked back behind the stage and took a walk through the park before driving away. "They love you, ya know." Taylor said. I smiled. I stopped walking and hugged her tight. "Thank you." I whispered in her ear. She smiled and we walked around the park back to the pickup truck. "Where are we going?" I asked. "Someplace special." she said. I smiled and watched as we drove out of the parking lot. We passed the turnoff to my house and drove further into the countryside as the sun was setting. We pulled off on a dirt road and stopped on the bottom of the hill. Taylor got out and waved at me to follow her. I got out and followed her up the hill. She sat down on the top of it. I sat down beside her on the grass. We stared into the sunset as if it were made of gold. We sat close together holding each others hand. The beauty of this moment was so spectacular that I believe it was a new bookmark in my life. The essence of romance swept us in its flame as the power of love seduced our hearts. I knew that in my heart this moment would come not only in my dreams. I had a special faith in such things. I believed in love. I leaned against her arm and let out a long sigh. "You okay?" she asked. "Yeah." I said. "Whatcha thinking?" she asked. "About you." She wrapped her arms around me and I kissed her cheek softly. "I love you." I whispered softly in her ear. She looked over at me. "I love you too." I stared into her deep hazel eyes and the expression on her face told me that she meant it. I leaned forward and kissed her softly. The rest was up to fate, love, determination and the power of a dream. The end.