Date: Wed, 24 Oct 2007 19:02:22 -0700 (PDT) From: AMANDA PLOGGER Subject: upside-umop-insideout-9 Okay This story contains sexual acts between two females if this offends you then don't read it. If you are not 18 or whatever the age maybe where your from, don't read it. If you just don't like the idea of love between two ladies, go somewhere else. Don't read it. The characters are not real. Any similarities are just that. I still have many, many chapters to go. Let me know what you think so far. Good or bad. Thank you so much to everyone who has written me giving me much needed encouragement to keep writing. I have made many friends and hope to find even more. It is amazing who you meet on here. *smiles* I love to write so check back in soon and you are sure to find more. As always, enjoy. Amanda upside_umop_insideout Part 9 Burn "Sarah, please go tell your mother good bye. Emily, she didn't say anything out of line. We are taking the two of you home." "We are?" Sarah asked looking at her husband. "I think your sister is going to need you when everything is said and done." He said holding onto Sarah's shoulders. She nodded and kissed him quickly before going to search her mother out. "Can you stand?" Collin asked turning to his dear sister-in-law. She looked so small and fragile, like the smallest thing would make her break. He saw the look of love and concern and complete worry that was etched across Alexis' face as she looked up at him. "I'm so tired." Emily said looking up at him. Her eyes seemed to have sunk in, dark circles surrounding them. "I am so tired, Lexie." "I know baby, I know." Alexis crooned to her, pulling her into her arms. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." Alexis choked back her tears. She never expected this. She never meant for Emily to get hurt. That was the last thing in the world she wanted. "Are we ready?" Sarah asked walking back into the bathroom, her face flush with anger. "Are you okay?" Collin asked looking over at his wife. "No, it's time to go." Alexis didn't need to be told twice. She scooped Emily in her arms, just as easily as she had days before. She was ready to get out of this house, away from these people. After all Emily had told her about her family, she never expected this. Alexis never really had the home life that Emily had been raised with. Her parents were still married but there were times when Alexis wondered why. They rarely saw each other, much less their growing daughter, they worked so much. Her mother was a top scientist researching cures for this or that, while her father worked on this case or that as a lawyer. There were many nights that she spent home alone, laying in her bed just waiting to hear the front door open, to know that they were home safe. Emily didn't have to ever worry about that, she was never alone. She had a mother and father that she would have sworn would do anything for their kids; or at least that's what Alexis believed until tonight. They were such a close family, Emily had told her so many stories. Happy little things, funny stories, family trips, little things that both of their parents would do for them just to let them know how much they were loved.. She told Alexis of the times she spent with her sister and brother, up gossiping till all hours of the night. All these things filled Alexis's mind as she walked out of the house, not even bothering to turn her head to acknowledge any of the people who were still in the house watching their departure. She didn't like leaving her car here but figured she didn't really have a choice. "Sarah?" Emily said with her head still on Alexis's shoulder. "What is it sis?" Alexis could hear the concern in Emily's sister's voice. "I appreciate you're guy's offer but I think I just^Å I just want to go home." Emily sounded so tired. Sarah stood in front of Alexis with Emily's body in between them. "Are you sure? I could drive Alexis's car and you could leave our house whenever you want. I don't think you should be alone." Sarah said. Emily smiled a little at that. "I'm not alone, I have my Lexie." Emily said looking up at Alexis; the love flowing between them could be felt just like electricity. Sarah looked at both of them, staring at each other. "I'm sorry. To both of you, this is going to take me some time to get used to too." Sarah said quietly, both of them turning their attention to her. "You guys seem made for each other. I didn't mean to say that you'd be alone. I think^Å no, I know^Å that Alexis will do everything she can to keep you safe. Of course you want to go home. I love you." "I love you too, sis. More than you will ever know. Thank you^Å" Emily's voice broke. "You never have to thank me, I'm your sister. That's what we do; We stand up for each other. These next few months aren't going to be easy. I do want to talk to you more about all this, but I'll wait till you get your strength up. I'll call and check on you tomorrow, okay?" "Sure, Sarah." Emily said. "Night sis." Emily mumbled sleepily. Alexis turned and gently laid Emily in the passenger seat, leaning it back. She reached over and buckled her seat belt, kissing her on the forehead. Emily mumbled again, but this time she was already asleep. "She must have been completely worn out." Collin said as he joined his wife by the front of Alexis's car. "This pregnancy is already taking a lot out of her. She's been so tired lately, I don't know what to do to help her." Alexis said with a sigh. "Looks like you are doing just what she needs. Don't beat yourself up, she loves you." Collin said. "I know she does, and I love her too. God, I love her, but I hate seeing her hurt." "Alexis, I know I might be asking a lot, but can you tell me what happened between you and Bobby." Sarah looked intently at her. She knew the question was coming, but standing in front of the house that she'd just been kicked out of, with the person who hated her enough to cause Emily all this pain, was not where she wanted to discuss it. "I'll tell you what, I will answer any questions you have, but right here, right now, is not the place. Let me get her into bed and then, if you like, you both can join me for coffee or tea at our house." Collin smiled at her and turned his head to Sarah, still looking at Alexis. "Did you catch that?" "I did." Sarah said grinning. Alexis was confused. What had she just missed? "What? Catch what?" "The way you said that." Sarah said, still smiling. Alexis shook her head and replayed her last comment through her head. She didn't see anything wrong with it. Collin chuckled lightly at her apparent confusion. "It's nothing bad, It was just the way you said `our house' like it had been that way forever. You said it so naturally without a second thought." Collin finally told her. Alexis could feel the heat rising in her cheeks. She hadn't mean to say that but he was right, she hadn't given it a second thought. "I^Å I meant^Å" Alexis stuttered, coming to a stop when Sarah placed her hand on Alexis's arm. "You meant what you said, it is your house now. Yours and Emily's. Don't be embarrassed, it was sweet. Just shows us how much you are devoted to her. As if this night hadn't done so already." Alexis smiled, thankful that they both were comfortable enough with her to tease her so. "Well, I think I can speak for both my wife and I when I say that I would like to know what is going on. How about we follow you over and while you put your love to bed, Sarah and I will make us all some coffee." All was agreed and they were off. Collin was nice enough to take Alexis's keys when they arrived and let them all in while she held Emily's sleeping body in her arms. She finally looked at peace, Alexis swore she had even saw her smile as she laid her down and kissed her good night. It was good to see her smile. Alexis doubted it would be a long time before she saw her do it again. "Is she still sleeping?" Sarah asked as Alexis made her way down the stairs a little while later. "She's out like a light." Alexis said heavily as she took the cup that Collin offered her. "Thanks." She said taking a long drink. "I think she will sleep till the morning." Alexis added. "That's good, how do you think she will be when she wakes up?" He asked her as she sat across from them in an over stuffed chair, both of them sitting comfortably on the maroon couch. "When she wakes up and remembers all that has happened tonight, I think that she will be a huge wreck. But I'll be here^Å I'm not going anywhere. Hell, after tonight, I doubt I even have a job to go off to." "Really? Why's that?" Collin asked. "She jumped over the counter as soon as I called and was out the door before I even had a chance to tell her what was going on." Sarah explained to Collin. "How did you know that?" Alexis asked smiling sheepishly. "I heard your feet make contact and you go `oomph!' and them yelling at you." Sarah said with a laugh. "Yeah, yeah." "Well, you let me know if you need help finding something. I always know someone looking for an extra hand." Collin added. Alexis nodded her thanks. They sat in silence for a few minutes, each in their own thoughts, sipping their hot coffee. Alexis steadied her nerves. Collin and Sarah had been so nice to her, but she couldn't help but wonder if they would treat her the same after they knew the whole story. They waited patiently while she steadied her nerves. "So^Å I guess you guys want the whole story." "Alexis, you don't have to tell us anything you don't want to. We are not here to judge, just to understand what's going on." Collin said and Alexis saw Sarah squeeze his hand. That gesture was enough to for Alexis to know that Sarah felt the same way. "Thank you for that. Where to start? 'Begin at the beginning,' the King said, very gravely, 'and go on till you come to the end: then stop.'" Alexis shook her head. "What a time to be quoting Lewis Caroll. But I guess he said it best." Sarah and Collin just smiled over at her, waiting patiently for her to begin. Alexis took a cue from Emily, took a deep breath, steadied her shoulders and began. She started at the very first time she saw Emily. Of how she had never felt so drawn to someone. Alexis knew Emily was married, straight, had kids. It killed her, because in the few weeks that it had taken Alexis to get to know Emily, she began to fall for her. They shared a few classes together that first semester. Alexis shook her head. "I don't even know how I passed those classes with her. Actually, I don't think I would have if it wasn't for Emily. Half of the time I forgot that I was supposed to be paying attention to the teacher and would drift off thinking of her. She'd nudge me back to reality and when it came time for finals she walked me through everything that I had missed while day dreaming. It hurt so bad knowing that I would never have her in my life the way I so desperately needed her. So on the days that I was always from her, I'd hit the scene. Go out drink myself into oblivion, it hurt so much. I just needed something to fill that void. So I would take whoever I could back to my room with me at the end of the night. It didn't matter who, what race, what sex they where. Long as it meant I didn't have to be alone in my bed. I hated nights when I was alone. I would cry myself to sleep thinking about her." Alexis stopped. She still recalled the hurt that she felt on those nights and part of her still worried that one day, it would return. "What happened with you and Bobby?" Sarah asked softly, bringing Alexis out of her dreadful thoughts. "Bobby. I remember the first night that I met him. He was so young and naive. It was before he even met Jackson." Alexis said his name and made a face like she had a bad taste in her mouth. She hated him. "We had a few mutual friends. Got along okay. He was a cool kid. Then Jackson sank his claws in him." "I couldn't stand that man. Met him a few times." Sarah shook her head. Alexis could see how angry his sister still was about the situation. Alexis felt her stomach twist into knots. Alexis stood suddenly. "I'm sorry, but I don't think I can get through this with out something stronger than coffee." Alexis said firmly. "I hope you don't mind." Sarah smiled over at her. "No, actually, I think I could use a good stiff drink right about now myself. I am sure there is some still in Mark's old office. Why don't we go look?." Alexis looked relieved. For one, she wasn't sure how they would take her request and for two, she had no clue where to find alcohol in this house. She had rarely seen Emily drink anything stronger than tea. Right now, Alexis needed something stronger than tea, or the little bit of coffee that still sat in her cup. Alexis followed Sarah into Mark's office. In the month or so that she had been living here, she had never crossed the threshold of the office doors. For some odd reason she felt as if she was invading someone's private space. Now that she was finally in here, it wasn't so bad. And the fact that Sarah was with her eased her nerves a little. Alexis wasn't sure what it was about Collin and Sarah but they both had a way of putting her at ease and making her feel she could tell them anything. Still, this was a big anything. "You look awful pale. You know you don't have to do this if you don't want to." Sarah's voice brought Alexis out of her silent reverie. "If you both don't mind, I think I need to." Alexis heard herself say. "Drink this." Sarah said handing her three fingers worth of high quality bourbon. Alexis downed it and instantly felt warmth growing from her belly out. "That should help. Is it that bad?" "You have no idea. I haven't even told Emily all of it." Alexis shook her head and looked down into her empty glass. "I haven't really told anyone." "In that case^Å" Sarah said, taking Alexis' glass and refilled it. "Though, I think I would take this one slower than the last. Now let's go hear what this is all about." Sarah kept her hand on Alexis's back and guided her to the living room. One look to her husband and he moved across the room to where Alexis had originally sat. "Just start whenever you're ready." Sarah said soothingly. Alexis nodded, staring into her glass again. "Jackson was something else. From the moment I saw him, I knew he was trouble. I thought maybe a little trouble was just what I needed to get my mind off of Emily. I knew Bobby had a thing for him^Å I didn't know at the time that Bobby was Emily's brother^Å I didn't know until last week. I never would have done anything to hurt someone that she loved^Å " Alexis said as she looked up at Sarah, pleading for her to understand, her eyes filled with unshed tears. "I know, Alexis. You couldn't have known. Emily looks like mom and Bobby looks just like a little version of our father. She went by her married name at school. You shouldn't feel bad. You didn't know. There is no way you could have known." Sarah told her, placing her hand on Alexis's arm. "I wish I would have, it would have saved me so much heart ache. Now, it is hurting Emily, I never wanted that." Alexis said as she sobbed silently. "Tell us what happened next." Collin said quietly, soothingly from across the room. "I started flirting with Jackson one night when I knew Bobby was working. We were both at Fling, the gay bar downtown. I was pretty well drunk. Long story short, we ended up at his place. Bobby^Å Bobby walked in. Jackson, evil shit, just looked back at Bobby and smiled. Kept right on fuckin' me. I will never, ever forget the look on Bobby's face. He looked right at me. I knew I had broken his heart." "It wasn't your fault. It was Jackson." Collin said, taking up for her. "It was I who went looking for Jackson. I knew exactly what I was doing. I was hurting and I wanted someone to hurt as much as I did. I didn't know it was her brother I was hurting. I couldn't help myself, I knew Bobby was head over heals for him. I also knew what a player Jackson was. I never should have done that to Bobby. I shouldn't have done that kinda of thing to anyone. Bobby was a friend, a casual one, but still a friend. People don't do things like that to their friends. So yes, Collin, it was my fault. I broke his heart. I did that to him. That is why he hates me. That and the fact that a week later I didn't want anything to do with Jackson. I guess it would have been forgivable if I was in love with him. If he only knew... You know what they say `What goes around comes around' God, if I only would have known." "You're not just talking about what has happened tonight with Emily, are you?" Sarah asked. Alexis shook her head. She couldn't sit still any longer. She had lost her taste for the drink in her hand. She stood and put it on the table and walked over to the window that sat a few feet behind Collin. She knew they were waiting on an answer. She also knew that they would give her the time she needed till she was ready to. "I stuck to Jackson for a while. He treated me like his prized trophy. Bragged to his friends how he got a hot girl and dropped that loser Bobby all in one swoop. I felt sick to my stomach every time I heard it. I wanted to puke or punch him or something^Å but I couldn't. I don't know what it was about him that made me feel so powerless." Alexis took a steadying breath. "It was a little over two weeks after that first night that Bobby walked in. We went to this kegger at some frat house or another. I was consuming so much alcohol at that point, I couldn't even tell you which one. I was way past drunk when we started making out. The next thing I knew, we were in a bed room. I tried telling him no. Just the thought of him made me want to vomit. Every time I had sex with him I saw Bobby's face, his eyes. His eyes^Å I told him no but he didn't listen^Å" Alexis felt the tears run down her face. "He didn't listen. I told him no. But he didn't listen." Alexis felt her knees give out and a pair of arms wrap around her just before she hit the floor. "Why didn't you tell me?" Emily cooed as she wrapped her arms around Alexis lowering them to the floor. Alexis jumped at the sound of Emily's voice, sitting up quickly. "How long have you been in here?" Alexis asked accusingly. "Long enough." Emily said quietly, rocking her back and forth. "Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you say something back then?" "I was too afraid. Too embarrassed, I couldn't let you know what I had let him do to me. Couldn't tell you I was too drunk to stop him. Couldn't tell you why I was drinking in the first place. I was in love with you. I am in love with you. I didn't want you to know^Å" Alexis sobbed as she looked over at Emily through blurred eyes. Emily shook her head and hugged her tighter. "Its okay baby, you're here now and your safe and everything will be okay. You will see it will be okay. I'll be okay, you'll be okay. This thing with Bobby will blow over, we will be fine. I promise^Å I promise sweetie." Emily crooned over and over, trying to make Alexis believe her. She didn't know why she woke up from her sound sleep, but when she did she was completely at peace. Yet, there was something telling her to go downstairs. She woke knowing she was needed down stairs. Emily stood in the door way listening to Alexis cry, listened to those words. She should have known something was wrong. She should have listened when Alexis tried talking to her, tried explaining everything. Instead, she shut her down. She had had a hard day when Bobby first blew up on her, not that this week had gotten any easier. But this? She never expected this. Now she was left kicking herself for not listening when she should have. Alexis suddenly jumped out of her arms and stood up. Emily looked up at her stunned. Alexis eyes moved quickly from her, to her sister and then to her brother in law. She looked like a scarred animal that had just been backed into a corner, frantically trying to find a way out. "Alexis," Sarah said softly, ever the attentive therapist, "Alexis, you're fine. You're in a safe place. Tell us what's the matter." "You can't tell him. You guys can't tell Bobby. He will never believe it. He won't. He'll tell everyone and then it will get out, and I can't have everyone knowing. No one can know. I shouldn't have said anything. I shouldn't have told you all. Please, you can't tell him. You can't tell anyone. You can't you can't. I shouldn't have said anything." Alexis sounded as frantic as she looked. Emily was scarred, more scarred than she had been in a long, long time. "Collin, slip through the kitchen and get my bag out of the car please." Sarah said quietly, not taking her eyes off of Alexis. "Now Alexis, I know that you just met Collin and I but I have believe me when I tell you that we would never do something like that. This is your business and we are just here to be your friends and listen. Okay, honey. We won't tell anyone. What has happened tonight, what was said tonight stays between the people that was here tonight. Understand?" Sarah said, slowly rising off of the couch. Emily noticed Sarah motion for her to do the same. "Talk to her Emily." Sarah said softly, each of them coming closer to Alexis, her eyes still darting back and forth between them. Emily felt as if she was approaching a wild animal that was very likely to strike at any moment. "Baby, please. It will be okay. Forget about Bobby, forget about everyone else. Alexis, Lexie^Å please. Look at me baby. I love you." Alexis began to noticeable calm down with the first few words Emily said. "It will be okay. I love you and you love me and that's all that matters." She finally kept her eyes on Emily's, no longer darting everywhere. "You still love me?" Alexis asked her voice cracking. "Yes, baby, nothing could change that." "But^Å but^Å I was stupid, and drunk, and I did crazy mean things." "I let him rape me." "You didn't let him do anything to you. You told him no. He is a fucking bastard. You should have went to the police." Emily noticed Sara shake her head and knew this wasn't the subject to be talked about right now, not when they were trying to calm her down. "I love you. I want to spend my life with you." Emily said, getting close enough to wrap her arms around Alexis's waist. She did so tentatively at first, afraid that she would be attacked if she did. Finally, she felt Alexis relax in her arms and she smiled. "I want to spend my life with you and that means that there will be some hard times. We won't always like each other, some days I will annoy the hell out of you, and there will be days that I want to wring your neck. But we will still love each other and you will still mean the world to me, I love you so much." Emily saw her brother-in-law return to the room, her sister's medical bag under his arm. Sarah motioned for him to be still. "I love you too, Emily. I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry." Alexis cried, burying her face in Emily's shoulder. Emily nodded at her sister, who sprung into action while Alexis was distracted. She grabbed her bag from her husband and found what she needed. Within seconds she came up with a syringe full of medication in her hand, waiting. Emily knew that it was something to help Alexis sleep, she needed it right now. "Alexis, I am a doctor and I am going to give you something to help you sleep. Is that okay?" Sarah asked quietly, just loud enough to be heard over Alexis's sobs. "Uh huh." She cried. Alexis didn't even flinch as she was poked. Soon, her crying slowed and she became heavier on Emily's shoulder. "Collin, help Emily get her upstairs please." Sarah said with a sigh. Collin did one better; he laid the sleepy Alexis in his arms and carried her up stairs to her room. Or that's where Emily thought he was taking her. But instead, he brought her to Emily's bed. "I figured she could use you tonight." He justified when she explained the mistake, Emily nodded. She could use Alexis too. "Plus, we are going to have to work on making that look more like a nursery again. You have another little one on the way." Emily chuckled at her brother-in-law. She knew that she would be the last one to forget that there was a little one on the way, but she thought it was cute the way he had said that. "Yes, we do." She hadn't thought about changing the nursery back but she figured it would have to be done sooner than later. Right now, though, it could wait. She knew that both Alexis and she had a lot of healing to do before either of them would be doing anything else. Emily joined her haggard looking sister and brother-in-law down stairs after stripping Alexis of her clothes, which where quite wet with tears. She couldn't believe that many tears came from one person. Of course that one person was holding so much in. How did Emily not see it? How could she love someone so much and never see how much she was hurting? Emily kicked herself for the hundredth time that night. "Sit please." Sarah said as Emily came into view. She knew that this had been a hard night on them all. "There are some things you need to know. You came in on the tail end of our conversation." Emily sat and listened to all Alexis had told them she was stunned. She knew that Alexis had told her that it was because of her that she acted like she did, but she never could have fathomed the depths of it. Emily felt so tired. Even after the refreshing nap that she had it was just too much. Her heart swelled with love for Alexis. She knew with all her heart what that woman meant to her. "All this could have been avoided. All of it." Emily said shaking her head. "How?" Collin asked sitting forward, his elbows on his knees.