Date: Wed, 19 Jun 2002 19:14:06 EDT
From: Janos88@aol.com
Subject: Jersey Girl Part I

BEGINNINGS

Lesbian. The first time I heard the word lesbian was when I was 10 years old.
My older brother Tommy and some friends of his were talking about a girl in
school who they called a lesbian. Later, I asked Tommy what a lesbian was. He
said, "it's a girl who wants to be a boy. They're queer, freaks". Armed with
this knowledge from a world wise 12 year old I was safe in knowing I was
perfectly normal. After all, I was a girl who loved being a girl. In fact I
loved all things about girls. I even wanted to marry one someday. Nope, I
wasn't a lesbian, a queer or a freak.

Everybody called me Sammi, short for Samantha. Growing up in New Jersey in
the 70's was a wild time, with all that was happening at then. As long as I
could remember I loved shopping with my mom, picking out new clothes, shoes,
handbags, whatever. Mom indulged me and let me wear make-up, at home, and try
her perfumes. I loved dressing up and looking at my older sister's fashion
magazines for the latest styles. I loved being feminine. I also had a great
collection of Barbie Dolls, which I played with for hours. I was popular and
had many friends. I enjoyed being close to my girlfriends, brushing their
hair and doing their nails as we talked for hours. I wasn't into sports,
except for ice-skating. I shared a bedroom with my sister, Lisa, who is three
older than me.

Since I was seven my best friend was Britt. She was quiet and shy and didn't
have as many friends as I did. She had long light brown hair and these big
blue eyes that looked like a cat. We were always together, even when I was
with my other friends I would force Britt to come along.

FIRST SEX

Well, it wasn't really sex. I was ten and Lisa was away at a summer camp. I
invited Britt to spend the night, she could sleep in my sister's bed. Mom
said it was okay and she bought us some chips and sodas. We didn't have air
conditioning in those days and during the hot summer nights I took to
sleeping nude. Lisa must have told Mom because Mom reminded me to wear a
nightie when Britt slept over. We had a great time, listening to records,
putting curlers in our hair and painting our fingernails one color and our
toenails another. Mom came into my room and said it was to time for bed so we
turned the lights out and went to bed. I was hot and uncomfortable with my
nightie on so I slipped it off and stayed under the sheet. Britt kept
whispering to me about the heat so I told her my secret. Britt said she was
taking her pajamas off too. We giggled about it for a few minutes when Britt
said she was lonely and asked if she could sleep in my bed. I said okay and
she climbed into bed with me. We scratched each other's backs and I even
tickled Britt's tender little butt and legs before her giggles got the best
of her. Her body was so soft and smooth. It was the most exciting feeling in
my life. We snuggled up close and I'll always remember the smell of Britt's
hair and her skin as well as the contentment I felt as we fell asleep wrapped
around each other.

A few months later Britt invited me to spend Thanksgiving Day with her
family. We were going to my grandmother's so Mom and Dad said no. Instead we
agreed I would spend the Friday night after Thanksgiving at Britt's. Britt
had her own bedroom with a twin bed so I brought my brother's sleeping bag
and said I was going to sleep on the floor. We had our usual great time and
ate leftover turkey for dinner. We played Monopoly with Britt's family until
about 9:00 when I said I was getting sleepy. Britt and I said goodnight and
went to her bedroom. We talked about our sleepover at my house and agreed we
wanted to sleep together again just like last time. Taking our clothes off,
it was the first time I had actually seen Britt's naked body in the light.
She had milky white skin, long sleek legs to match her long slender fingers,
her brown hair falling over her shoulders, little pink nipples and a bald
pussy. We just stood there and stared at each other's naked bodies for a
minute or two before jumping into her bed. We snuggled up close and talked
and giggled. Britt rubbed my back and kept going down to my butt and legs. I
began to feel a dampness and tingling in my crotch. I started to hope she
would reach under and touch my pussy, I even spread my legs farther apart and
lifted my butt a little, but she didn't get the message. I rubbed Britt's
back and her legs then told her to roll over. I began rubbing inside her
right leg at her knee and slowly made my way up to her pussy and using my
index finger and middle finger moved them along her luscious little slit.
Britt said, "no, not there" and rolled over onto her side. I lay next to
Britt, leaning on my left elbow with my front against her back, and whispered
in her ear that it was okay, I didn't mean anything. Then all of the sudden,
she rolled over facing me and kissed me. I was really surprised as I could
feel her soft moist lips brush across my closed mouth. I opened up a little
and felt the tip of her warm tongue dart into my mouth and gently touch my
tongue. Just as suddenly, Britt pulled away and we just stared at each other
speechless. I reached over and touched Britt's hair, pushing it behind her
shoulders. Finally she said, "Sammi, I'm sorry. I didn't know what I was
doing. You just seem so…so…beautiful. I never kissed anyone before". I said,
"Me? Beautiful? I don't think so, you're the beautiful one. Britt there's
really nothing to be sorry for. It was my fault anyway. I never kissed anyone
before, but it sure was nice. Don't you think"? Britt replied with a sparkle
in her eye, "yeah, it was nice. Wanna try it some more? But, Sammi does this
make us lezzies"? I said, "nah, we're both girls and neither of us wants to
be a boy". Britt smiled, closed her eyes and we made out until our lips were
raw and our tongues swollen. We fell asleep wrapped around each other and the
warmness of her body and the close connection we shared made me feel so safe
and content.

LOSS

Britt and I had several more sleepovers in the coming months. It was always
the same, we'd be naked and do a lot of touching and lots of kissing. She
eventually let me rub around her pussy and spread her lips but if I tried to
explore inside her she would jump up and say "no, not like that". When I was
alone I would get a mirror and explore my own pussy. I would see how far I
get my finger inside. At first it hurt a little but it also felt good at the
same time. Before long I could get two fingers all the way inside. Sometimes
I would just play with myself and think about Britt's silky smooth white skin
and that cute little butt of hers. In the spring, however, came devastating
news. My best friend was moving far away. Britt's father was being
transferred and they were moving after school was out. We promised that we
would be friends for life, we would call each other and write every week. I
gave Britt a ring of mine that she always admired and she gave me a bracelet
with her name on it. On the day she moved we sat crying in her empty bedroom.
Britt's mom came in and told us it was time to go. I hugged Britt for a long
time and didn't want to let go. The moving vans were still parked outside as
she got into the car. I went to the window and we kept holding hands and
saying goodbye until the last minute. Then she was gone. I went into a deep
funk and cried all the time. I really missed my best friend, my first love.
My parents were great, always trying to cheer me up. Britt and I wrote each
other over the summer and we chatted on the phone a few times but eventually
we moved on with our lives.

ANGER & DENIAL

Over the next few years I was a regular kid. I was an honor student, won some
ice-skating tournaments, fought with my sister and had my circle of friends.
When seventh grade began I went to a new school, a Junior-Senior High School.
I was a late bloomer, compared to my friends, and didn't have my first period
until half way through seventh grade. I wondered when my breasts would
develop and prayed I wouldn't be flat all my life.

In math class a girl sitting behind me was an eighth grader. Her name was
Cheryl and she had to repeat seventh grade math. I recognized Cheryl from the
skating rink, she practiced right before I did. Cheryl had a different look.
She wore her black hair short and was not fat but had a thick square build.
She called me "Red" because of my red hair. She also had PE the same time I
did. We had different teachers but the class was at the same time, sometimes
they were combined but not usually. When going to the showers most girls
wrapped a towel around themselves and ran in and out quickly. Not Cheryl. She
strolled naked through the locker room with her towel around her neck, her
head held high. I noticed her body with perfect round breasts and puffy
nipples, tight stomach and a full black bush. Her hips were wide and her ass
wiggled when she walked. On the other hand, I was tall and skinny with no
breasts and no bush at all. Cheryl was a loner. In fact she seemed to have
been ostracized. I took to chatting with her about skating and whatever. She
was aloof and definitely not the talkative type. I copied Cheryl and walked
slow to the shower with my towel around my neck.

My two closest friends, Donna and Michelle, warned me to stay away from
Cheryl. I asked why. "She's a dyke," they said. "How do you know"? I asked.
"Well, everyone in school knows". One day Mrs. Terwilliger, our math teacher,
asked me to stay after class. She asked if I would help Cheryl with her work.
I was reluctant at first but Mrs. Terwilliger said I shouldn't believe any
rumors I heard about Cheryl. Of course I played dumb and said "what rumors"?
I agreed to help and talked to Cheryl about it and she suggested we get
together at the library on Saturday after skating practice.

That night as I was lying in bed I began to play with myself while picturing
Cheryl's naked body walking to the showers. Something different was happening
this time, though. There was a tingling sensation that seemed much more
intense then usual. I kept circling around my clit then began rubbing the
right side up and down with my right index finger. I slid my left middle
finger deep inside and noticed how wet I was, like never before. I started
bringing my left finger in and out while my right finger kept stroking my
magic button. My back arched up and I screamed out as I had my first
explosive orgasm. Thank God Lisa hadn't gone to bed yet! I continued to
finger myself but added a second finger. My clit was too sensitive to
directly touch it so I just circled around it until I felt myself cum a
second time, though not as strong as the first. All the time I kept thinking
about Cheryl and her fabulous body. Finally I stopped and noticed my legs
were wet and there was a wet spot on the sheet. I cleaned up and fell into a
deep sleep with the word "Cheryl" on my lips.

On Saturday morning my father drove me to practice. When I began doing my
warm ups I noticed Cheryl watching me. This made me nervous and I had a
terrible morning. Could she possibly know what I had been doing? Dad asked me
what was wrong and I told him it was just an off day. Afterward, he drove
Cheryl and me to the library. Cheryl told me I was a better skater than I
showed today and asked me what happened. I told her truthfully that I was
nervous with her watching me. She asked why she would make me nervous. I
really didn't know how to answer so Cheryl answered for me. "Oh, you're
afraid of me. Tell your little friends the rumors are false". I played dumb
again. "What rumors?" I said. "Come on, Red. I'm not that stupid. I know
everyone thinks I'm a lesbian". I was feeling embarrassed. "Well are you?" I
asked. "No, Red, I'm not a lesbian. Now let me ask you the same question". I
was feeling nauseous and wondering how we got into this discussion. "No,
Cheryl, I'm not a lesbian. I'm perfectly content being a girl and have no
desire to be a boy". Cheryl laughed and said, "is that what you think a
lesbian is"? I said, "yes. That's a lesbian". Cheryl told me to wait there
for a minute. When she came back she had a dictionary and an encyclopedia.
She read from the dictionary, "lesbian, a homosexual woman. Red, a lesbian is
a woman who likes women". I replied, "Cheryl, all women like women. A
homosexual is someone who wants to be the opposite sex." Cheryl laughed,
"Red, listen to yourself. Women like men, not other women. Except lesbians.
Look", Cheryl said reading from the dictionary again, "homosexual, a sexual
desire for those of the same sex as oneself. A lesbian is a woman who is
attracted to other women, Red." I was feeling desperate and angry. "Cheryl,
why are you bringing this up? If you aren't a lesbian, fine." Cheryl pressed
on, "Red, who do you like? Who do you think about fucking?" I was confused
now as well as angry, "Cheryl, I am a girl and not a lesbian. I like girls,
but not as a, well I don't want to be a boy. I mean, look I don't like this
and I can't help you with your math!" I grabbed my books and ran out of the
library in tears.

Once outside I didn't know what to do. I sat on a bench and just cried.
Cheryl came up to the bench and sat down next to me. "I'm really sorry, Red.
I didn't mean to hurt you. You're really nice and I like you but I have put
up with so much garbage since last year." I couldn't control myself. "You are
a horrible person, no wonder you don't have any friends"! I screamed through
the tears. Cheryl put her arm around me and kept repeating, "I'm sorry."
Finally I asked, "what happened to you last year anyway"? "Well", she began,
"Linda Carlson, she's in ninth grade now, had been friends since I was six
years old. I kissed her one time and she blabbed it to everyone. The funny
thing is I didn't really like it. Have you ever kissed a girl Red"? I lied,
"no, I haven't. What made you ask if I was a lesbian"? Cheryl replied, "I
noticed the way you look at me and some other girls in PE, in the showers".
"Cheryl, what's wrong with looking? I like looking at other girls' bod..." I
caught myself and Cheryl knew it. "Listen, Red, I promise I will never tell
anyone what we talked about today. I really don't care if you like boys or
girls. Now, can we be friends and study some math? I can't fail that old
biddy Terwilliger's class again".

When I went home that afternoon I was miserable. Was I really a lesbian? I
knew I wasn't a freak. I was just a normal kid who hadn't fully matured yet.
Yeah, that's it. I was just comparing my body to other girls. I wished Britt
were here. I longed for her hugs that made feel so safe. No, I was sure. I
was not a lesbian.

To be continued...