Date: Mon, 8 Jul 2002 18:40:17 EDT
From: Janos88@aol.com
Subject: Jersey Girl Part 3

Thanks everybody for the feedback. This section is written in a slightly
different style. Hope you enjoy it.

CONFUSION
Sunlight greeted my drowsy eyes. Was it a dream? I stretched out my legs and
felt another pair of legs next to mine. No, it was real. I rolled over and
saw a pair of big beautiful brown eyes staring my way. We didn't say much,
just gazed into each other's eyes and exchanged an occasional kiss. Cheryl
stretched her left leg over my body and pulled herself up so that she was now
sitting on top of me giving me the freedom to fondle those glorious breasts.
I could feel the stubble of her pubic region rubbing against my lower
abdomen. Cheryl leaned forward and I placed her right breast into my mouth
gently sucking and licking her magnificent mammary. Suddenly and without
warning the door swung open and a voice yelled out "what the...what in God's
name is going on here"!? Cheryl swung to her right pulling the covers over
her while I grabbed what I could to cover myself. With only my eyes peering
out from the blanket I saw an overweight woman wearing a blue housecoat with
jet black hair and dark eyes standing over the bed. Cheryl began screaming,
"mom, get out of here"!. The woman was waving her finger in the air with the
fat under her arms wiggling with her movement while saying "Lord have mercy.
Jesus forgive these sinners" while Cheryl kept yelling, "get out"! A short
gray haired man with a double chin appeared in the room as I slid further
under the covers trying to be invisible while observing this surreal moment.
Cheryl cried out "Daddy, get her out of here...please". The man finally spoke
while touching the fat woman's shoulder, "Bertie, give the kids some
privacy". Backing out the doorway looking at both of us she said, "Jesus will
forgive your sins. Ask for His forgiveness. Lord have mercy". She closed the
door and was gone. Cheryl bolted straight up said "sorry, Red. She's a trip,
huh. Nine months in her womb and sixteen years in her tomb. I can't wait to
graduate and get the hell out of here". Still cowering under the covers I
said, "Cheryl will you please lock the fucking door". I got up, dressed and
headed for home.

It was a beautiful Sunday morning as I walked to my house. I was a bundle of
mixed emotions and thoughts. "Okay", I said to myself. "You're a lesbian, a
queer, a freak. So what. But wait, what will everyone say. Mom? Dad? Lisa?
Tommy? My grandparents? Friends? Will I be ridiculed like Buddy? Ostracized
like Cheryl? Maybe this is just a stage I'm going through. Yeah, I dated
Mitchell for almost a year. No, who am I kidding. His kisses couldn't compare
to Cheryl's and the sex, gawd the sex was so good. Shit, I am a lesbian and
this may not be so good after all. Why did I think having sex with a woman
would solve anything? I'm more confused now than ever".

Just as I arrived home Tommy was pulling out of the driveway in his gold
Camaro. He rolled down the window and I asked if mom and dad were home. "No,
they went to play tennis with the Healys. Lisa's the only one home". I said
"see you later" and he drove off making his tires squeal as he went down the
street. Going into our bedroom I was exhausted. Lisa was putting some clothes
into dresser drawers and the closet when she saw me. "You look terrible,
Sammi. You okay"? Lying down on my bed I said, "yeah, just tired. Didn't get
much sleep last night".
"Where'd you spend the night"?
"Cheryl Laskey's. Her mother is really whacked out"
"Yeah, Mrs. Laskey kind of lost it after Victor was killed in Vietnam".

This was news to me. Cheryl never mentioned Victor. I sensed she had a
brother because of the pictures of a young man in the living room. One on the
mantle was of him in uniform with a candle on each side. "What do you know of
the Laskeys"?, I asked.

"Not much", said Lisa. "Victor was two years ahead of me. He was class
President and real popular. He joined the Army right after graduation and was
killed only two weeks after going to Nam. Mrs. Laskey had a nervous breakdown
and spent some time in a mental hospital. What's Cheryl like"?
"Quiet", I replied. "Um, Lisa. Do you mind if I ask you a kinda personal
question"?
"Sure, Sammi. Go ahead".
"Are you still a virgin"?
Lisa stopped putting clothes away, turned around and stared at me with her
hands on her hips. She walked over and sat on the edge of her bed and said,
"uh oh. Were you with a boy last night"?
"No, I've never had sex with a boy. What about you" I asked again.
Lisa seemed pensive, sitting with her legs crossed and her arms crossed and a
finger tapping on her chin. Finally, she said, "no, I'm not a virgin".
"What was the first time like" I queried.
"A disaster" she laughed. "It was with Bobby Jordan".
I sat up on the edge of my bed directly across from Lisa. "The hippie with
the VW bus"?
"One and the same. And we did it in that VW bus".
"Why was it a disaster"?
"It was the first time for both of us. Bobby bit my nipple, dug his finger
into my vagina like he was putting on a glove and came after ten seconds. It
was very unpleasant".
"How did you feel later"?
"I kept thinking, 'is this it? Is this sex? Where are all the fireworks?' We
think sex is so cool but then the first time ends up being a disappointment".
"Was Bobby the only one"?
"No", Lisa reluctantly replied. "Bobby and I had sex a few more times. He
would always come so fast and wouldn't even ask me what I liked. It took a
few times before I even saw his dick. I mean, it was rinky dink. I couldn't
care less but he was really shy about it. I mean, I was curious and wanted to
see it but he kept hiding it. When I finally managed to get him to relax I
understood his reluctance. Guys are too hung up on how they're hung", Lisa
said.
"So, Bobby was the only one"?
"No, I also slept with Hank Siever. Now, he's something. He's got these big
muscular arms and chest. I just loved being wrapped up into his arms and
having that hard gorgeous body on top of me".
I noticed how Lisa lit up when describing Hank, twirling her hair with her
finger. "Hank likes different positions and has a big cock. If anything too
big, especially for blow jobs".
"You put it in your mouth"? I said making a face.
"Yeah, guys love it and its not bad at all. I mean as long as they don't
come".
"How was the sex"?
"Fast, like Bobby. Angela Mills says that boys masturbate all the time and
the idea is to not get caught so they train themselves to come fast. Angela
also says that all boys should be taught female anatomy by a female
instructor starting in seventh grade. They simply have no clue about
vaginas".
"Does mom know you have sex"? I asked.
"Yeah, she knows I'm on the pill. She's real cool, real supportive. It was
surprising giving her lack of saying anything to us about sex".
I laughed, "the only lecture I ever got was the 'kotex versus tampax'
lecture".
"When I was about thirteen she said to me 'a stiff dick has no conscience'.
That was all she ever said" Lisa said smiling.
"Geez, I never even got that much", I retorted. "Lisa, did you ever have an
orgasm"?
"Sammi, what has gotten into you today! Okay let me tell you a secret." Lisa
got up and went back to her dresser. She opened a drawer and pulled out a
rectangular box from under some sweaters. She brought it over to me and
opened the box. There was a smooth, white phallic shaped device about six
inches long. "This is the only thing that has ever given me an orgasm".
"What is it", I asked touching the device with my fingertips.
"Pure heaven, little sister, pure heaven", Lisa said with a sigh. "Its a
vibrator"
"Do you put the whole thing inside you"?
"You don't have to. I put it partially inside and just run it all over my
pussy and around my clit".
"Where'd you get it"?
Lisa walked back to her drawer and dug under the sweaters some more and
grabbed a magazine. She handed it to me and I noticed it was a catalog.
"Here", she said. "And if you want to order something for yourself, be my
guest".
"For me its been 'my hand, my pal'" I joked.
Lisa gave me a serious look and said, "okay Sammi, why all the questions
about my sex life? What's going on"?
I didn't know what to say, whether to trust Lisa. I felt like I had to tell
someone. "Well, um, I'm just curious. You know about all this, and um..."
"Sammi, are you okay? Is there anything going on you want to talk about"?
Lisa said as she sat next to me on my bed. I could feel Lisa's stare but my
eyes were focused on the floor. She put her arm around my shoulder and I
could feel tears welling up in my eyes. "Its just that I'm...I'm..." I couldn't
say it. There was a long period of silence before Lisa remarked, "you know,
Sammi, you sure do have an interesting collection of books". Tears began
running down my cheeks as I thought to myself "she knows". I blurted out,
"I'm gay, Lisa. A lesbian. I like girls, I like having sex with girls. And I
don't know what to do next". Lisa embraced me with a long hug as I cried. She
grabbed a tissue from the nightstand and began dabbing my cheeks. She looked
me in my watery eyes and said "Sammi, whatever I can do, I'll always be there
for you". I began crying even louder and hugged my big sister even harder.
Eventually I pleaded, "please don't tell anyone, ever. Especially mom and
dad". Making a cross with her finger on her chest Lisa replied, "I promise".
I hugged Lisa again and said, "I'm really going to miss you".

I still had Cheryl's scent on my hands and in my hair. Reluctantly, I went to
take a shower and played back some of what Lisa said. How she looked when
discussing Bobby and Hank. It seemed so foreign to me. She liked being
wrapped up in big muscular arms? Yuck, I thought. A large hairy man on top of
her? Repulsive I thought. A penis in her mouth? Revolting I thought. Yet,
this is what made Lisa giddy. Yup, I'm a dyke alright. I remembered what
Buddy went through and how the girls talked about Cheryl. I decided right
there in the shower to not tell anyone else. Ever. I'll see Cheryl on the
side and go to the Village when I get older. Nobody will ever know, I
thought. I got out of the shower, toweled off, dried my hair, put on a
nightshirt and went to take a nap. But first I looked at Lisa's catalog and
found something there that looked appealing.

REJECTION
My best friends were Donna, Lori and Michelle. Donna was a heavyset brunette
with a sarcastic sense of humor that made me cringe at times. Her bark was
much worse than her bite. Donna was Jewish and always complained that all
she'd end up with was a fat, bald Jewish guy. She was pretty much the leader
of our pack. Lori was the prettiest of the group. Outgoing, flirtatious and
blonde she had a filing cabinet of boys she dated. She also had a body much
older than her fifteen years. Michelle was nicknamed Mouse because she
appeared so quiet and timid. She had an explosive temper when pushed but that
was a rare sight. Michelle was a sickly child, she was born with a hole in
her heart and had a scoliosis. She missed a lot of school in the first and
second grade and I was always helping her with her schoolwork. She was small,
thin with a puppy dog face and brown hair. Michelle was very sensitive and I
was probably closer to her than Donna or Lori. When discussing boys I noticed
how Donna always talked about faces, Lori about bodies, especially bulges in
the crotch, and Michelle about souls. Our little clique occasionally had some
other girls on the periphery but the four of us were the core.

We got together the day after my talk with Lisa and went shopping at Paramus
Park, a large local mall. Lori and Donna wanted us to go to Lori's house
afterward as she had a swimming pool and kept babbling on about a "surprise".
Michelle had some plans with her family so we decided to meet at Lori's the
following day. I bought a new bikini before we left.

When I got home there was a message to call Cheryl. I felt the butterflies in
my stomach as I was dialing the phone. Cheryl answered and we had some small
talk. She seemed distant. I asked if everything was okay and Cheryl got to
the point. "Red, the other night was great but I can't see you anymore". I
was silent and stunned.
"Its too much, Red. I'm seeing someone else and my parents are having fits".
I stammered, "but Cheryl. I love you".
"No, Red, you're confusing lust for love".
"Why are you doing this Cheryl? Was I a bad lover? What did I do wrong"?
"Like I said, Red, it just won't work and I've got too much going on".
"Okay, Cheryl. I understand", I lied, tears falling down my face.
"Take care, Samantha". This must be the end, Cheryl never called me Samantha
before.
I hung up the phone in a daze and ran to my bedroom bawling like a baby.
It would be many years before I learned that after Cheryl hung the phone up
she also bawled like a baby. It would also be many years before I realized
that what she had done was out love not spite.

The next day I was still an emotional mess when I went over to Lori's. We
were at the pool lounging around when her brother Brian and another boy
appeared. Lori went over to them and they started whispering and acting
strange. They went into the house and a few minutes Lori appeared and said
she had a surprise for us. She pulled out a little baggie and asked if we
wanted to smoke some pot. Donna immediately said, "way to go girl. Let's get
at it". Michelle and I eyed each other warily but I was feeling so miserable
I said "sure". Michelle said she was worried it would interact with her
medicine but went along anyway. Lori pulled out some Big Bambu rolling papers
and rolled a joint. It became obvious that Lori and Donna had been doing this
before. Michelle and I coughed and I never felt a thing. Lori and Donna had
red eyes and kept smiling. Michelle looked like she was going to fall asleep.
Lori went into the house and came out with some chips, pretzels, ring dings
and cokes. Lori and Donna kept eating away while Michelle and I eyed them
like they were nuts. I asked Michelle if she felt anything and she said not
really.

Much to my surprise Lori shouted out, "hey, lets go skinny dipping. Stoned
and naked in the pool is so cool". I watched as Lori peeled off her top
exposing her large breasts with small dark nipples. She pulled down her
bottoms showing off a well trimmed bush that was much darker than her blonde
head. Lori walked down to the deep end and dove in. I shrugged my shoulders
and said "why not" and followed suit. Lori and I were in the deep end calling
Donna and Michelle to join us. Donna was wearing a one piece suit and she
slowly took it off. Her watermelon sized breasts with massive areolas fell
out followed by a large belly and finally a black bush partially hidden by
flesh. Donna picked up the suit, carefully folded it and put on the back of a
lounge chair. She walked into the pool down the steps in the shallow end. I
swam to the edge of the pool and coaxed Michelle to come on in. She stood up
and quickly peeled her swimsuit off. She had a long white scar running from
her breastbone to her navel. Another scar was on her lower right abdomen. She
had very small breasts with brown nipples and her pubic region had a sparse
amount of dark hair. As she walked to the shallow end I noticed two more long
scars running parallel to her spine. Michelle had been through a lot and she
was one tough girl. I had seen my friends nude many times before and never
looked at them in a sexual way. Looking at their bodies this day endowed me
with a great deal of guilt and I made it a point to try and not get into any
tempting situations with any of them. Instead I would watch and mimic their
actions in order to cover my tracks and act straight.

Michelle stayed close by me in the pool whispering, "what if some boys come
by" and I joked back that she'd probably end up seeing some naked boys then.
After about half an hour we all got out and put on our swim suits and smoked
some more pot. This time Lori showed us how to use a bong. I coughed so hard
using that thing I thought my lungs would come out. I sat back in a lounge
chair and noticed a rather pleasant feeling coming over me. I started
laughing at everything and realized I was stoned for the first time. "Hey,
throw over a ring ding" I yelled to no one. We all busted out laughing. The
pot was making the pain of Cheryl go away.