Date: Mon, 31 May 2004 22:52:31 -0700 (PDT) From: Kami Jordan Subject: Love and Devotion: Chapter 1 *This story contains sexual situations between two underage girls and various mentions of lesbian sex. This won't be just some cheesy sex story so look elsewhere if that's what you want. No hetero sex will be described in this story, it's completely lesbian friendly. This story may be downloaded for personal enjoyment, if you would like to use it on your own website please send an E-mail to kamiloveskaren@yahoo.com asking my permission. Thank you.* Hello everybody. This is my first try at writing so any advice would be really helpful and appreciated. This is a true story, my story in fact, I've lived an interesting life and I really think it's time I shared it. Please E-mail me and tell me what you think. Love and Devotion: Chapter 1 I don't remember much about the very early years of my life, only what people have told me. When I was three years old I survived a car crash that claimed both of my parents lives. With no surviving relatives I was sent to live in an orphanage that doubled as a catholic school for the children who weren't adopted. I was a small and sickly child with below average intelligence so I was passed up by all the prospective parents for five years, leaving me a sad, depressive eight year old girl. I was lonely, so damn lonely. Whenever I wasn't near one of the other girls I would be on the verge of tears. I felt like every second I wasn't touching her she would just get further and further away, that she would leave me and I'd be all alone. All of the other girls were really nice to me about it, they wouldn't mind holding my hand or letting me have my arm around their waist when she wasn't around. We were like really close sisters and I can honestly say I loved each and every one of them like family. I relied on their presence and their love as much as I relied on the air I breathed. Even though I was older then most of them, I both looked like and was treated as a younger sister. This is where I'll begin my story. "Hey Kami, what's wrong sweetie?" I felt the kind voice in my heart and a comforting hand on my shoulder. "I..I..thought..weren't coming..back," I sobbed. I felt the familiar soft arms wrap around my tiny body, comforting my sobs away. I turned around and locked my arms around her... Karen. She was ten years old, tall, pretty, smart as could be, my total opposite. I loved her more then all the other girls combined, she not only comforted me like the other girls, she also made me happy. She was the only one that made me happy. "Awww, come on sweetie, let's get you into bed." She picked me up like she had so many other times and carried me to my, or should I say, our bed. She always slept with me, and it kept me from screaming at night so the nuns didn't really mind. "You're probably sick of me, aren't you? I'm such a crybaby all the time." She crawled into the bed and held me tightly. "No, I'm not sick of you Kami, I love you, and I love that you care about me so much. I mean, I do love all the other girls, but not like I love you." She started kissing the back of my neck like she always did to make me feel better. I turned around in the embrace so her kisses could find my face and my lips. She had been kissing me like this for a while now. I didn't understanding why she kissed me, or the feelings that came with it, I just knew that it made me feel better. "I," kiss "love," kiss "you," kiss "too Karen." The door was flung open and our kisses stopped, it was kind of like our little secret. "I knew I'd find you here Karen." It was sister Julia, one of the two well liked nuns out of the dozen that cared for us. "Can I speak with you for a moment child? Do not worry Kamilyn, it should only take but a minute." She pulled away from our embrace, stood, and left the room with sister Julia. This had happened so many times and it was starting to frustrate me. Karen would never tell me what happened so I thought Karen was getting lectured because of me. I couldn't take the mystery anymore so I followed them down the hall to Julia's office. I quieted my sobs as much as possible so they wouldn't hear me and placed my ear against the door to listen. I heard sister Julia take a deep breath. "In a way I understand why she doesn't go to the adoption ceremonies anymore, being passed over for so many years is bound to harden the heart of even the strongest child. But Karen, you've been with us for only two years and today marks the twelfth time you turned down a family, this is starting to worry me." My breath caught in my throat.. she turned down all those chances to be happy.. she abandoned that happiness.. for me. "Sister Julia, you know what would happen to her if I left, she needs me more then I need those families. And it really feels good to be needed like that." "Please do not be mistaken dear child, it warms my heart to see such love and devotion from one so young as yourself, but putting your life on hold for so long isn't healthy, you may end up regretting your missed opportunities later on." They were quiet for a long time, I was getting ready to leave just in case they were finished talking. But I'm so glad I didn't go, what I heard next would change my life forever. "I... love her sister Julia, but not like I love you or the other girls. The only joy I've ever felt is when I hold her close to me... when I kiss her. To me, she's the most the most beautiful thing I've ever seen and I don't ever want to leave her." Again, there was a drawn out silence. "You know how God views these actions child, do you not?" "With all respect to you sister Julia, I don't care what God thinks. Any God that can let all of our parents die," she began sobbing along with her words. "Any God that can ruin that sweet girls health by stabbing her in the heart, and then take her parents away in the same instant is no God I ever want to love!" I could hear Julia's chair scraping as she rose to comfort the crying girl. My hand went to my heart, to the scar that I had never dared ask about. The reason behind my bad health, the reason I was the way I was. "I love her Julia, and I won't let anything take me away from her!" "Shhh, shhh, neither will I child, neither will I." I was crying so hard that I didn't notice myself drifting off to sleep. I awoke with a start, nervous and scared. It wasn't until I felt the familiar warmth of Karen behind me that I was able to calm myself enough to think. At first I thought it had all been a dream, that none of what I heard had actually been said. But then I saw that I wasn't in our bed, I wasn't even in the sleeping hall. "Oh, you're awake." My head snapped around to see sister Julia, sitting on a chair in front of a fireplace. "I wasn't surprised when Karen cried herself to sleep but to find you sleeping in the hall came as quite a shock. You're lucky I found you dear, you could have taken ill sleeping on the cold floor." I never could control my tears when I felt I had did something wrong, and this was no exception. "I..I'm sorry sister Julia." "Aww, come here sweet child, I'm not mad at you." I stumbled over to her through my tears and she lifted me into her lap. She cradled me there until my crying stopped. "I trust that you heard what young Karen and I were speaking about." I nodded. "Did you understand it?" "Some of the things. I think I know why I'm always sick now." Showing the innocence of youth and a total lack of shame I pulled off my night shirt and pointed at the scar over my heart. "Is this why?" "The accident dear, the one that took your parents, it almost took you as well. A piece of metal had pierced you heart but with the grace of God you survived and was brought here to live with us. There is.. a hole in your heart," I could see her struggling to find words that I would understand, "because of it you can take ill easier then the other girls. Do you understand now child?" I nodded and let her put my shirt back on. "But I don't understand what Karen said about how she loves me." "You love the others girls, right?" I nodded. "And do you love me child?" I nodded again. "The love you feel is the love for family or the people who care for you, but there is a different kind of love a person can feel." "Like how mommys and daddys feel?" She smiled, "yes, that kind of love." My eyes widened, "Karen loves me like that.. but sister Mary says it's evil for mommys to love mommys. Karen isn't evil!" She smiled again. "Can you keep a secret child?" I nodded excitedly, I had never seen sister Julia act like this. "I think sister Mary is wrong." "You mean you love mommys too!" She chuckled, "no dear I don't love.. mommys as you say. Well, let me ask you this, when Karen kisses you, how does it make you feel?" "Umm, it makes me feel better. When I don't... feel good about myself she kisses me and all that bad stuff kinda goes away." "In all my years I've never seen anyone as loving and devoted as she is to you. And after talking to you just now I can see that it is not one sided. You each make the other happy, I don't feel that that kind of love can be evil." "I'm confused sister Julia." "It is late dear, get some rest now and we will talk more tomorrow." She carried me over to the bed and covered me up. "Goodnight sister Julia... and thank you." "Rest well child." Sleep came surprisingly easy despite all she had just given me to think about. But after all, I was snuggled up against Karen, the girl I loved so very much. Please E-mail me and tell me what you think so far or maybe give any advice that you have, it would really mean a lot to me. I'll write more as soon as I can, sooner if I get some good feedback. I had a really good time writing this, it feels pretty good to dig up all these old memories. Expect a lot more from me in the near future!