Date: Sat, 24 Jan 1998 10:03:09 EST From: Big sarah Subject: Danny's Diary - 1/1/98 August - My Mom started getting really possessive after my father died. I'm an only child and she always paid a lot of attention to me. But since it's just the two of us now in the house it seems like she has nothing better to do that constantly check up on me. While it's really irritating, I put up with it because I know the strain that she's under. It's got to be tough to live with someone for almost thirty years and then have them die suddenly. I guess that I'm all that she's really got left right now. So when she bugs me about spending more time with her, or not going out as much at night with my friends, I put up with it. I'm just looking forward to when she develops some outside interests and makes some new friends so that she'll have something else to occupy her time. I was heading out of the house yesterday and she asked me where I was going. I told her that I was going to find some place to get my hair cut. Now before telling you any more, you have to understand my attitude toward my hair: it grows, it gets cut, eventually. What it looks like in-between I don't really care. For some reason Mom got on my case about my hair: how I wasn't taking good care of it, how it looks so sloppy, and so on, and how she thinks it could look much nicer. "So OK Mom" I said, "What's the point?" The point was that she wanted to spend the afternoon washing and styling it for me. "But it's too long. Look, it's almost down to my shoulders" I said. Well, nothing was going to change her mind so I spent a couple of hours with my head over the kitchen sink while she washed it, and then put conditioner on it, and on and on. She ended up parting it in the center so that it sweeps down and than back over my ears. She was really pleased with the results. I've got to admit that it looks a lot different, but I'm not that wild about keeping it that long. I figured that I'd just get it chopped off short so that I didn't have to worry about taking care of it. Now I have to shampoo and condition it every day or so. Mom keeps commenting on how nice it looks though, so I guess it's worth it to keep her happy. Dad used to do most of the maintenance work on our old car - I think he really liked to just putter around under the hood. Even though it'' almost 11 years old, it still runs pretty good, as long as you spend a couple of hours every week adjusting things, and doing small maintenance on it, and stuff like that. I was working on it yesterday morning, changing the oil and the filter and when I came in for lunch, Mom got on my case again. "Look at your hands." "What a mess." And so on. So I'd cracked a couple of fingernails, and there was dirt and oil under the nails. It would eventually wash off or wear away. She wouldn't have that, though. She made me wash my hands as lean as I could get them, and then she took something, I think she called it a "rosewood stick", and cleaned my nails for me. Finally after my hands were sparkling I could have lunch. "What a waste of time" I told her. "They're just going to get dirty again the next time. "No they're not" she said. "We're going to have the garage take care of the car from now on." So I guess that's the way it's going to be from now on. I did like working on the car, but as she said it's a pretty messy operation. It's not only the car she doesn't want me to work on. Just about anything that could involve any kind of exertion or dirt is frowned upon. "Let somebody else do that." Is becoming a very familiar refrain around the house. It's like she's constantly keeping track of me. The minute my hair's a little unruly, or my hands are dirty, or there's a stain on my shirt, or I'm wearing the same pair of jeans for two days in a row, it's "Danny, time to clean up now honey." I don't think I've ever been cleaner or neater in my life. At least when I've cleaned up she does compliment me, telling me how nice I look, and how proud she is that I'm her son. OK Mom, enough is enough. September - Whenever she's not checking up on my appearance, or cleaning up around the house, Mom goes shopping. She's tried to get me to go with her but no way. My method of shopping is the "slam, bang" method. I run in the store, grab what I need, pay for it, and get out as fast as possible. Mom make a real production out of it - sometimes I think that the longer it takes her to get just what she wants, the better. I'm not sure about her taste sometimes, though. The other day she came home and announced that she had bought a "present" for me. Some present - a dozen pairs of tan bikini briefs. Now personally I prefer jockey briefs. They feel good and I like the support they provide. After she bugged me a couple of times, I tried on one of the pairs of bikini briefs and even wore it for the afternoon. It didn't feel really comfortable under my jeans though, so I just shoved the dozen pairs in the back of my underwear drawer - kind of like filing them under "presents to be forgotten." I wish she would let me get my hair cut. It's grown a couple of inches and now rests on my shoulders. She won't hear of it though. And now she's got me spending almost an hour a day taking care of it. Like in the morning I have to shampoo it and apply conditioner. Then it has to be dried and brushed. And in the evening it has to be brushed again. I've got to admit that it does look nice - very full and glossy - but it's a style that would go better on a girl than a guy. Being as long as it is, whenever I lean forward it falls on either side of my face and I have to keep reaching up and brushing it back. I guess I'm doing that unconsciously now. You know, the movement when someone with long hair has it fall forward and they keep doing whatever they're doing and just unconsciously reach up and brush their hair back behind their ears. Whenever Mom's not around, I'll just put a rubber band on it to hold it back in a ponytail but she's not big on that. So as soon as she sees me, the rubber band comes out. October - One of my friends was by the house this morning, and when he left Mom asked me if he was wearing an earring. I said that yeah, a lot of the guys were wearing these little stud-like things now but that it wasn't a big deal. I guess I misinterpreted her question because then she asked me why I didn't get my ears pierced? Pierced ears? "No way Mom! I told her. "I guess you're right Danny." she said. "Some people are just afraid of a couple of seconds of pain." Me a coward? Now those were fighting words. So just to show her that I could "take it", we went out to the mall and I got my ears pierced - it hardly hurt at all. I've got these little stainless steel studs in my ears till the holes heal up in a week or so. It's not so bad, you can hardly see them. And once the holes heal and I can take the studs out, nobody will be able to see anything. It's not that I think an earring would make me look like a sissy or anything, it's just not my style. Seems like Mom could do a better job of keeping up with the laundry. When I went to get dressed this morning my underwear drawer was empty. Well, there were those pairs of tan bikini briefs wadded up in the back and since I didn't want to go without underwear, I put a pair of them on. They sure are small, like they just barely cover up my crotch. What feels really different though, is when I pull my jeans on. When I'm wearing my jockey briefs, they pretty cover up the area on my lower tummy from my navel down to my crotch - now most of that is exposed and the soft skin there rubs against the rough inside of my tight jeans. After a couple of minutes walking around the house like this, I had this big erection. And of course the bikini briefs are so small that when that happens, everything just kinda pops right out. So now I also have my dick rubbing against the inside of my jeans. And after a couple of minutes of that I came - in my jeans! Now it wasn't the mother of all jerk offs or anything like that, and my jeans didn't get so wet that I had to change them or anything, but it's definitely a new way to masturbate. Maybe there's something to be said for the bikini briefs after all.......... Guess Mom doesn't have enough to keep her busy - like trying to run my life isn't enough of a full time job for her. She's talking about redecorating the house. Well, not like tearing everything out and rebuilding or anything, but she wants to repaint or change the wallpaper in the rooms, and maybe replace the draperies. Stuff like that. She's been hauling sample books home for the last week to look at wallpapers, and paint colors, and fabrics and stuff like that. She's been trying to get me to help her with her choices but it's like "Mom, I am not into interior decorating." I just told her to go ahead and that whatever she picked would be OK with me. November - When I came down for breakfast this morning, there was a small box with gift wrapping sitting on my plate. I asked Mom what it was and she said that it was just something that she came across while she was shopping the other day and that she bought it for me on the spur of the moment. I opened it up and it contained two small diamond earring studs. I'd planned on just letting the holes in me ears heal over but I couldn't disappoint her so I let her take out the stainless steel studs and replace them with the diamond studs. I was afraid the guys were going to kid me about wearing earrings in both ears but I solved that problem by changing my hairstyle just a little. I fixed it so that my hair now hangs down on either side of my face, framing it in sort of a pageboy or something like that, and my ears are now all covered by the hair. I guess there's something to be said for long hair after all. I don't know whether this is a bad winter for colds, or what the problem is. But it seems like I've had a cold every couple of weeks. Just about when I'm getting over one, I'll get another. The last one ended up turning into an ear infection and that was no fun at all. Mom checked with her doctor and I guess he told her that I might need a vitamin supplement. So he gave her a prescription and she's got me taking two tablets in the morning and two in the evening. I always figured vitamins were off-the shelf and that you just took one a day, but that's not what this prescription calls for. Oh well, at least she didn't get me the Fred Flintstone kiddie kind. Mom must have noticed that I've worn the bikini briefs every so often. Like maybe the stains on them kinda told her something? I was looking for a pair of jockey briefs last week and couldn't find any. I asked her and she said that she thought I preferred the bikini briefs now so she had thrown all my other underwear out. I guess that's OK with me. It turns out that I really like the feel of the skimpy briefs better than the jockey briefs anyway - just took me awhile to get use to them. But Mom sure know how to take a good thing too far. A couple of days after that she went to the store and got me some more bikini briefs, and some undershirts too. Now I had been wearing the white cotton t-shirts but those were the regular undershirts. These are the ones with no arms and a larger opening at the neck, and just thin straps over the shoulders. I guess I could have lived with that but they were silk! I asked her what was the idea, and she said that the silk ones had been on sale and cost a lot less than the cotton ones and that she didn't think that I'd mind. So now I'm wearing silk underwear. It's funny, after the first couple of days I decided that I actually like it better then the cotton. I like the way it feels so smooth and slippery on my body. December - My hair is getting really long now. I've given up asking Mom to let me get it cut because I know what the answer will be. It now hangs a good 4 inches below my shoulders. It takes me a little longer to care for it in the morning and evening, but it's not like I had a lot else to do with my time. And just sitting on my bed and combing it in the morning an evening feels so relaxing. I like the way it feels when it brushes my shoulders as it sways when I walk. Mom got something from the drugstore several weeks ago that she called a "lightener." My hair was always a fairly dark shade of blonde, but after using the lightener it's much lighter now. Mom was commenting upon how pretty my hair looks now and I had to agree with her. I'm still taking the vitamins twice a day but if they were supposed to give me that "burst of extra energy", they're a failure. It's not that I don't feel good or anything, just that I don't have the ambition to go out and hang around with the guys and play sports and stuff the way I used to. Quite often on weekends when I don't have anything else to do, I'll sleep in till noon and then just come downstairs wearing the silk bikini briefs and undershirt that I sleep in now. Then I can just sit at the breakfast table with Mom for hours, just drinking coffee and talking about things. I guess that I should have paid more attention to the redecorating that Mom was working on. The guys that she had doing the painting just finished with my room today and I don't like the look at all. Like I had outgrown the cowboy wallpaper years ago, but the color scheme that she picked is a white and a light pink. And of course, all the curtains and the spread on my bed all match. My friends don't stop by the house too often now, but I'd never live it down if they could see my bedroom now. I guess the only good part about it is that Mom got silk sheets and pillowcases for my bed. I really like the way that they feel - so soft and smooth against my skin. I guess that the only drawback is that I have to be careful not to "stain" the sheets. Like with the beatup old cotton sheets I had, I could lie in bed at night and play with myself and sometimes one thing would lead to another, and pretty soon there would be another stain on the old sheets. I guess that I can live with this though, with my reduced level of activity has come a reduced desire to frequently masturbate. Well, I still do, but these days I get turned on just by the feel of my hair brushing my shoulders, or my silk underwear against my body, or the smoothness of the silk sheets on my bed - but I rarely go "all the way" if you know what I mean. January - One thing that I should probably do is be a little more careful of my diet. With less exercise, I guess that I'm burning less calories now and I must have put on a few pounds. I'm not sure how much I've gained as I always had a naturally slim figure and I new had to worry about gaining weight. But I must have gained some as my jeans are getting really tight on me. There are a couple of pairs that I can't wear at all unless I leave the waist unbuttoned. I mentioned this to Mom and she said that she'd get me a couple of new pairs the next time she went shopping. She did that a couple of days later and it's a lot more comfortable being able to get my jeans on without really scrunching my tummy. I was comparing an old pair to a new pair and it looked as though the waist and the inseam were the same, but the new ones sure fit better. I asked Mom and she said that she'd just gotten some that were a fuller cut in the bottom. Whatever she did, it worked. Along with the jeans, she got me a couple of new shirts. Well actually, they looked kinda fancy for guy's shirts and she told me that they were really blouses - "on sale" again. I didn't care because they were silk and the white one especially looked so pretty that I couldn't wait to try it on. Mom managed to get me to go shopping with her today. I had to admit that it wasn't as bad as I figured it would be. There was one embarrassing part but I'll get to that in a minute. It was kinda fun just wandering thru the stores, checking out the new styles, and noting how the different fabrics and colors looked. I even tried on a couple of pairs of slacks and a new blouse. Mom bought me a new pair of earrings, even though it must have taken the two of us almost a half hour to choose just the right pair. The embarrassing part came in the middle of the afternoon. We had lunch at the food court and I had a large diet coke (gotta watch the weight). A couple of hours later I began to get this feeling that I was going to have to take a leak. I told Mom that I had to make a "pit stop" and headed off to the Men's Room. The problem was that when I got there it was closed. Some boys had plugged up one of the toilets till it overflowed and made a real mess and they weren't going to have it cleaned up for another hour or so. I went back and told Mom that we had to leave RIGHT AWAY because I really had to go bad and the Men's Room was closed. She just looked at me and said "Don't worry Danny, just use the Lady's Room." I said "WHAT??" And she replied that by the time we got out to the car and we got home that it would be almost an hour, and besides with my long hair and the pretty blouse and jeans that I had put on that morning, that probably nobody would notice. "Just don't talk to anybody." she said. I thought about it and the idea of peeing in my pants really didn't appeal to me so I figured that about the worst that could happen would be that if someone caught me that I could say that I just wandered into the wrong room by mistake. So I went into the Lady's Room and it was no big deal - there was no one else in there. I just went into one of the stalls, closed the door, dropped my jeans and panties and squatted down and took a huge pee. Then I readjusted my clothing and got out of there FAST! Walking back thru the mall, I checked out my reflection in several store windows and saw that how with my slim build, long hair and pretty clothing, that I could be mistaken for a girl if no one looked too close. February - I thought that I noticed a fragrance when I came home and went up to my bedroom yesterday. I opened my dresser drawer to try on some different clothes and the odor was stronger. Not a bad smell but kind of a light citrus aroma with a little spice thrown in. I asked Mom what had happened and she said that she had added a "sachet" to my clothes drawers and closets to make things smell nice and fresh. Well, that's OK, but now whenever I go out I smell like I'm wearing perfume. Like this afternoon, I was getting some groceries and the girl behind me in the checkout line tapped me on the shoulder and said "I hope you don't mind me asking but what's that fragrance that you're wearing? I really like it." I just kind of smiled and said that it was a recent present from my mother and that I had forgotten the name, but thanks for the compliment. I was in the drug store in a strip mall near out house today, buying several magazines and I noticed that the store was having a clearance on candles, so I bought almost a dozen, and a variety of holders to go with them. It took me almost an hour to make sure that I had the right combination of colors, and sizes and scents. I took them back to my bedroom and cleared off a spot on the dresser and got them arranged and lit them all and turned off the lights in my room. It looked really neat with my room lit only by the flickering warm glow from the candles. I just lay there on my bed and read the fashion magazines for several hours by the candlelight. Mom stuck her head in once and told me not to burn the place down. Sure Mom. Mom came back from shopping the other day and told me that she had gotten something for me. I asked her what it was and she handed me a bag that contained several different bottles of nail polish - in all different colors. After supper she showed me how to prepare my nails and apply the polish properly. It did look kinda funny to see my hands with the fingernails painted bright red. I liked the look. But I didn't want anybody to see me that way so after we were done I cleaned everything off with nail polish remover. In my room at night, I cleaned and painted my toenails - bright red again. Since nobody can see my toenails with my socks and shoes on, I decided to leave them painted. March - I usually jerk off in the shower in the morning. Like, I don't get my bedding or clothing messy and it's easy to wash off the cum. And I like the feel of the warm water on my body too. Anyway, I hadn't done "it" for a couple of weeks and when I went to do it this morning, it took a long time. It didn't help that Mom kept yelling at me to finish up because I was going to use up all the hot water. When I finally finished I realized that I had been fantasizing about one of the male models I had seen in my fashion magazines. That's funny, I'd never done that before. I didn't realize what a hassle long fingernails were. I haven't cut my fingernails for about 6 months now and they're getting pretty long - like they stick out about a half inch beyond the ends of my fingers. Mom has been making me take good care of them so they're not chipped or broken or anything. I used to be able to just punch in the numbers on the telephone by hitting the buttons with the tips of my fingers, but no more. I find it's easier to push the buttons with a pencil now. And it's definitely slowed my typing speed. Even with the hassles, I don't want to trim them back because I really do like the way they look now. I've accumulated a pretty good collection of different colors of nail polish and it's fun to try out the different colors. I usually end up using a pale shade of pink as I like that the best. My jeans were getting pretty tight again so Mom offered to get me a couple of pairs. She measured me and went off to the mall while I cleaned up the kitchen dishes and started the laundry. When she came home I tried on the pairs that she had gotten me and they fit really well. Buying clothes is one thing that I've never been really good at and I'll have to have Mom give me some pointers sometime. It's like she has this instinct - never gets the wrong size. I was looking at the tags on the jeans though and it didn't look like they were boy's jeans. I asked Mom and she said that for some reason she couldn't get the right combination of measurements in the Boy's Department and had to go to the Girl's Department. I asked her what the problem was and she said that it took her awhile to locate a style that was narrow in the waist but fuller in the hips. She'd done a good job though, as I really liked the way that they felt and looked on me. As I was looking at myself in the mirror, I saw what she had been talking about. My waist is still narrow, but my hips seem to be broader than I remembered them, and when I turned around it looked like I had put on some weight in my butt - it seemed to be a little bigger and more rounded. Mom saw me looking at myself and laughed and said that it was probably from sitting around and snacking while I watched too many soap operas and that maybe she should get an exercise tape for us at the video store. I said no thanks. I was thinking about what happened with the new jeans last week and so when I was getting dressed this morning I carefully examined my body. It does look a little different. I was never really muscular or anything, and I'm not sure how to describe it now but my body seems to be, for want of a better word, "softer" now. I'd guess that I've put on about ten pounds in the last six months but it's not like I've gotten chubby or anything. A lot of the added weight seems to have gone to my hips, and butt and upper thighs. I'm definitely more rounded and softer in that area now. I tried lightly bouncing up and down a little and could see the cheeks of my butt jiggle. And where my stomach was flat between my navel and my crotch, now there's kind of a soft swelling there. It's funny that I'd never noticed the changes before - guess they happened very gradually. Maybe I should take Mom up on that offer of an exercise videotape. On the other hand, I don't feel bad, and while I look a little different it doesn't bother me or anything so maybe it's no big deal. April - There wasn't much going on so I figured that I'd spend the day shopping at the mall. I looked around and found a pretty necklace that I liked so I bought that. It's a small diamond on a tiny golden chain. If I leave the top buttons on my blouse unbuttoned you can see it against my chest. And I needed some new panties so I got those. I had the same problem that Mom had with my jeans, had to buy girl's panties instead of boy's bikini briefs to get some that were full enough in the waist and rear to accommodate my new shape. Once I found the right size, I figured that I'd better get enough to last so I ended up getting three dozen. Plain white seemed a little boring so I got a variety of colors. I think that I like the yellow the best. Mom and I went to see a movie last night and it was one of these super-long films, over three hours. About halfway thru the effects of the large Pepsi I had bought when we came in became apparent and I excused myself to go take a leak. I went into the Men's Room and was walking toward the urinals when this guy who was standing at one of them turned around and looked at me. Then he did a double take and said "Pardon me Miss, but aren't you in the wrong room?" I stopped in my tracks and didn't know what to do so I just gasped and put my hands up to my face and kind of squealed "OH MY GOD, I'M IN THE WRONG ROOM!" and turned around and ran out. After I got back in the theatre lobby, I had to pee worse than ever so I just acted like everything was normal and went into the Lady's Room, located an empty stall, went in, squatted down, and let go. Then I got up washed my hands and walked back to the lobby - all the time with my heart pounding like mad. When I went back into the movie and told Mom what had happened she giggled, then that got me giggling, finally we were making so much noise that we had to get up and leave the movie. We must have looked funny as we went out into the mall, kind of leaning on each other and laughing and giggling out loud. May - I'm not sure how to explain this but something funny is going on with my chest. I was lying in bed this morning, trying to think of an excuse why I shouldn't get up. You know how when you feel that you really should get up but it feels so good to just lie under the covers and relax. Anyway, I moved my right hand up to scratch my chest and I noticed that the left side of my chest felt a little different. Then I checked and the right side felt the same way. Like, both sides of my chest feel a little softer and fuller now, and when I stroked them there was this funny sensation that felt kinda good. I got out of bed and took off my silk undershirt and stood in front of the mirror and examined myself. It did look like both sides of my chest were a little fuller now. And I wasn't sure but it looked like my nipples might be just a little larger and slightly darker. I don't know whether this is just a little weight-gain thing, or whether there's something wrong, but I was kind of embarrassed to mention it to Mom so I figured that I'd just keep watch for a week or so and see whether there were any more changes. My hair is getting REALLY long now. It's almost down to my waist. I finally got Mom to agree that I could get it cut shorter. At least I thought that I had. But it turned out that what she really wanted to do was to take me to a beauty parlor to have them clean and condition it, tint it a little lighter, and just trim off an inch or so at the bottom that was a little ragged and frizzy. It took them almost all morning to get everything done. And the operator kept saying things like "Oh, your hair is so beautiful. I know girls that would do anything to have hair like this." Sure lady, but I'm not a girl and I really would like to have my hair a lot shorter. No changing Mom's mind, though. After they were done with me, I had to admit that it did look pretty spectacular. Like, it's a very light shade of blonde, really thick and glossy and straight - hanging almost to my waist and swaying back and forth as I walk. As we were walking out of the mall, I could see an occasional person, usually a guy, turn and look at me. That felt kinda good. June - Mom told me that my hair looks so much nicer now that I really should have some better clothes to wear than the standard jeans and a shirt or blouse that I usually wear. So we did our usual shopping expedition to the mall. She took me in a number of shops, mostly ladies clothing shops, and I ended up getting some more blouses, a couple of nice sweaters, and several pairs of slacks. I had to admit that they looked a lot nicer than the jeans that I had been wearing. When I was trying on the clothes, I made sure to keep my back turned so that nobody could see my chest. I don't think it's getting any smaller. On the way back to the car, Mom made one last stop at a dress shop. I thought she was looking for something for herself but when she headed for the Junior's Section, my worst fears were confirmed. I grabbed her arm and politely told her that under NO CIRCUMSTANCES should she even consider trying to get me to wear a dress. Case closed. She was just in that kind of mood where she just had to buy one more thing before heading home. So we compromised and she bought me a white silk nightie. We were sitting at the breakfast table yesterday morning, drinking coffee and watching one of the morning talk shows when I noticed Mom staring at my chest. I looked down and my nipples were very obvious thru the top of my nightie. I don't know whether it was because the kitchen was kinda cold that morning, or whether my chest had gotten a little bigger, but there were these two lumps pushing the nightie out a good inch or so. I quickly excused myself and ran up to my room. I walked over to the mirror and removed the top of the nightie and examined my chest. Yes, the swellings and the nipples were larger. Together they stuck out about an inch now. Where my nipples had been small and kind of a pale pink some time ago, they were now a dark pink and about an inch in diameter. I gently stroked one and it responded by hardening and projecting out about another quarter of an inch. At the same time I noticed how good that felt. This was all kind of strange to me and I wasn't sure how to deal with it so I figured that I'd ignore it for awhile. I took my morning shower, fixed my hair, got dressed and came down for lunch. I'd been careful to put on one of the baggy sweaters so that my chest wasn't noticeable. When I walked into the kitchen, my Mom wasn't there and there was a note on the table that said that she had some errands to run. So I fixed myself a PB&J sandwich and just sat there and watched TV for awhile. About halfway thru the sandwich, I realized that I'd unconsciously reached up under the sweater and was fondling my nipples, enjoying the sensation that resulted. Mom returned home in the middle of the afternoon and she said that among her other stops, she'd stopped by her doctor's office and chatted with him about what she had noticed was happening to my chest. I guess he told her that it might be some sort of allergic reaction to the vitamins she had been giving me so he had given her a new prescription. So instead of taking two small white pills twice a day, I'm now taking one large brown pill twice a day. Mom's sure a nut on health foods and vitamins and stuff. July - My cooking ability was like zero. I could pour milk on cereal, or make a cold cut or PB&J sandwich, but that was about it. The other week Mom asked me if I'd like to learn how to cook a little. I guess I was bored that day because I agreed. The surprising thing was that I really enjoy it. I'll never be a world-renowned chef or anything, but it's fun to try new recipes. Quite often after supper when all the dishes are cleared away and washed, I'll just curl up on the couch with a couple of cookbooks and plan the menu for the next day. I'm doing most of the cooking now, and enjoying my new-found talent. Mom's been pretty busy at work lately. In addition to her regular hours, she's been putting in some overtime and having to go in occasionally on weekends. I've pretty much taken over doing all the housework to help her out. I don't mind doing the work and it's nice to be able to look over a neat and spotless house and take pride in what I've done. Well, that's not 100% true. I do not enjoy doing the bathrooms - especially the toilets - ugh! Now I can see why Mom was always on my case to be careful and not splatter any when I took a pee. I've found that it's just as easy to sit down now when I have to pee instead of standing up like I used to do. At least when I'm sitting down there's less chance of missing the bowl and making a mess that I'll later have to clean up. August - We had a really hot spell of weather the past week. The temperatures were in the upper 90's and it was pretty humid. I really don't enjoy weather like that. The minute I go outside to do any yard work I get all sweaty and don't feel really comfortable until I've gotten back in the air conditioned house, taken a shower and dried my hair, and slipped into some nice clean clothes. It's funny. I was thinking back to about a year ago when I enjoyed crawling around on the ground under the car, fixing things and not worrying about how dirty and oily I was getting. I just don't enjoy doing that kind of thing anymore. Other than the hot and sweaty part, I don't want to take a chance on messing up my hair. It looks so nice these days that I don't want to take a chance that I'll get any grease or grass cuttings or dirt in it. I don't think that change in vitamins is working the way it was supposed to. If I was having an allergic reaction to the old prescription, I'm having the same reaction to the new prescription - maybe even a little worse. It seems like the swelling in my chest is getting a little bigger, and my nipples are so tender now that I have to be careful what kind of tops I wear. I put on a rough cotton blouse the other day and the feeling of my nipples rubbing against the rough fabric was so irritating that I had to take it off immediately. I haven't said anything about this to Mom. I've been wearing looser and baggy tops, no sheer fabrics, so that nothing shows thru so I don't believe that she's aware of the changes. It's not that I feel sick or anything so I haven't felt any urgency about discussing it with her. I figured that I'd just wait awhile and see if things went back to normal. Actually, there's one part about it that I like. When I lie in bed in the morning and massage my swollen nipples, the sensation is totally unlike anything else that I've ever experienced. Even better than jerking off. Well, speaking of jerking off, I haven't been doing a lot of that lately. It's just not as pleasurable as it used to be. I can still get an erection but it takes a lot of playing with myself before I can come, and the sensation doesn't seem to be as intense as it used to be. It's like, why go to the trouble when playing with my nipples feels so good and is so much easier. And I don't get stains on stuff from playing with my nipples! September - I hate these phone telemarketers! It seems that when I'm just getting into some project around the house that the phone rings and I've got to listen to some asshole try to sell me a new set of gutters. (That's gutters for the house, not gutters for me personally. HA! HA!) And what really pisses me off is when I answer the phone and they ask to speak to "..... the man of the house ....." or they call me "miss" or "madam." Jesus, don't they know I'm a guy? I hate that. At supper tonight I was telling Mom how that really annoyed me and she said that maybe it's because my voice seems to be a little higher-pitched lately. Now I'd never had one of those really low-pitched rough male voices, but as I listened to myself talk to her I could see what she was talking about. My voice does seem to be higher-pitched and softer now. Mom was kidding me that I ought to be a little careful about my weight. I guess that with staying around the house most of the time, and sampling my own cooking that I have put on a few pounds. I sure don't feel any heavier but when I look in the mirror I can see that my face looks a little rounder and smoother. Now that we're getting past the hot summer season, I thought that I might like to take up jogging as an exercise. I went over to the shopping center a week ago and after much looking finally picked out a jogging suit. It's really pretty in a pale blue color and looks nice on me. The first time I went jogging the sensation in my chest surprised me. As I was jogging I could feel the added weight bouncing around a little. It's not that it was unpleasant or anything, but I hadn't expected to feel that. The one problem I had was that my nipples were rubbing on the inside of the jogging suit and getting somewhat irritated. I thought that the soft cotton fabric of the suit wouldn't be a problem but I guess my nipples are more sensitive that I had realized. I found that I could solve the problem by putting a large band-aid over each nipple before I went jogging, and then removing it when I came home. That seems to work really well except that I have to be just a little careful when I remove the band-aid as the skin on my chest is rather soft and sensitive. Actually, speaking of soft and sensitive, it seems that the skin all over my body has taken on a softer texture. It's not bad or anything, just that it looks different. I figure that it might be because I'm wearing softer clothing these days instead of the rough shirts and jeans that I used to wear. Or maybe it's because I'm not doing a lot of heavy outside work and my skin isn't getting as irritated from the sun and weather. In any event my skin has a soft white color with a hint of a rosy blush on my cheeks. I don't think that it looks bad, in fact I like it. Mom got me some creams and lotions that I can use after I shower and I enjoy putting those on. The other thing that surprised me is that I just realized that I haven't had to shave for over a month now. It's not only that my beard has stopped growing, it's like I don't really have any facial hair at all, just a little soft down on my cheeks. That doesn't bother me either. One thing that I never really enjoyed doing was shaving every morning. Either I used the electric razor and irritated my skin and ended up with a rash on my neck for several hours, or I used the safety razor and risked nicking myself and getting spots of blood on my shirt. Thank heaven I don't have to do that anymore. There is still some hair on my arms and legs, but even that is lighter and finer, almost a very pale blond, so that it's not noticeable at all. October - Mom called me from work in the middle of the afternoon yesterday to say that she had been having a really bad day and needed to unwind so if I'd be ready when she got home, that she'd take us out to supper. She said that she was thinking about taking us to a new steakhouse that had opened up so to be sure and dress nice. I hadn't been out of the house in a while and that sounded nice to me so I finished cleaning the house and then got ready. I picked out a pair of tan slacks that I like, and a white silk blouse to go with them. I figured what the heck, might as well go all the way so I put on a bright red shade of fingernail polish, and brushed my hair till it shone. When I was putting on the blouse, I noticed that the gold necklace chain was hanging a little differently. The weight of the small diamond used to pull the chain down from my neck in a straight "V" shape. Now because of the changes in my chest, the sides of the "V" are pushed in toward the center. I had a new pair of white loafers that I had only worn once or twice so I put those on - no jogging shoes for me tonight. Mom pulled into the driveway about 6pm and honked the horn and I came running out and piled into the car and we took off. Since it was a Thursday, the restaurant wasn't crowded and we were seated in a nice booth in the corner right away. The restaurant has a western theme and all the waiters were dressed like cowboys. Our waiter was named Craig and I had to admit that he looked kind of cute in his tight jeans. So anyway, he's standing there taking our orders, and Mom kinda kicked me under the table lightly and I looked over at her and she flicked her eyes up at Craig. I looked up at Craig and he was staring down at my chest. I had left the top two buttons on my blouse open and not only were the swellings on my chest pushing the blouse out in two tiny mounds, but where my blouse was unbuttoned, you could just see the tops of the swellings. Apparently Craig really liked stuff like that. After he had taken our order, Mom looked at me and said "..... that was so funny ....." At first I wasn't sure what to think of some guy staring at my body that way but then I began to think that she was right. I don't know why I did what I did next - probably some brain flash or something - but I bent down and undid the next two buttons on my blouse so that my chest was exposed right down to the tops of my nipples. When Craig came back with our salads I thought his eyes were going to pop out of his head and I noticed that he seemed to have this big swelling in his crotch. When he cleared our salad plates and returned with the main course, he had to stand right over me so that he had the best view down into my blouse. The whole thing was beginning to get me a little turned on too, and my nipples responded by becoming erect, so now I had two large hard nipples straining at the thin fabric of my blouse. The whole thing was going way too far too fast, so after we finished our dinners, we skipped dessert, paid the check at the cashiers, and left right away. I did manage to slip a $20 bill under my dinner place without Mom seeing me - Craig had put on a real show for me, and vice-versa I guess. Mom and I didn't talk much in the car going home and I went right up to my room and went to bed. I had trouble going to sleep though, I kept thinking about Craig and the way he had stared at my chest. Mom came home from work the other day with a big bag of cosmetics. She said that as long as I was going to use any makeup at all (she considers fingernail polish "makeup") that I had better learn how to things right. So over the next couple of days, she spent the evenings after supper showing me how to put on eye liner, mascara, blusher, lipstick, and all those sorts of things. At first I figured it was really dumb but by the end of the sessions, I was really enthusiastic to see how a little work with the cosmetics could really change my appearance. Sometimes in the afternoons when all the housework is done and I've got supper ready, I'll take an hour or so in my room to experiment with the different kinds of makeup to see what results I can achieve. This is kind of exciting. November - If this doesn't quit pretty soon, I'm going to have to talk to Mom. The swelling of my chest isn't going away, in fact I've developed two rather large and prominent white mounds. The best way of describing them is to say that they look a lot like a girl's breasts - except that they aren't of course. My nipples are much larger now, about two inches across, and have turned from pink to a dark brown color. Between the "breasts" and my nipples, the front of my blouse is forced out about three inches now. I'm surprised that Mom hasn't noticed. I mean, it's pretty obvious when I walk around the house. Even with wearing lose-fitting tops, you can tell that something's happening in there. Getting dressed now, I tuck my penis back underneath me between my legs. It feels more natural that way, and I like the way that eliminates the ugly bulge in the front of my panties. I've stopped wearing blouses now and shifted over to thick baggy sweaters and sweatshirts to hide my growing chest. Mom asked me about my change in clothing and I just said that the house was a little chilly in the wintertime and that I liked the added warmth - I think she bought it as she didn't ask any more questions. December - Well, Mom can't ignore the situation any more. I was standing in the bathroom this morning, wearing only my panties while I dried my hair. All of a sudden the door opened and Mom walks in, asking me if she can borrow my hairbrush. All of a sudden she just stopped and stared at me. And her jaw dropped as she continued to stare at my chest. I squealed a little and dropped the hair dryer and tried to cover up my chest with my hands, but the swellings are so large now that it was like trying to cover up two grapefruits. About the best I could do was cover the swollen and protruding large brown nipples that grace the swellings. After what must have been several seconds, but which seemed like several hours, Mom stepped forward and gathered me into her arms as I collapsed in tears. Over the rest of the day my mother and I did a lot of talking. Basically what she told me was that she was afraid of losing me after Dad died. For some reason, she started feeding me female hormones, hoping that they would "quite me down" and make me a little more dependent upon her. Little did she guess the impact that the pills would have on my body. As we talked freely, I realized that the changes I had been noticing in my body were the hormones reshaping it to give me the secondary sex characteristics of a girl instead of a boy: the heavier hips; higher voice; softer skin; lack of body hair; and of course my "breasts." Mom immediately apologized over and over again for what she had done to me and promised that she would take me to a new doctor and explain what had happened. I told her that I didn't want to rush into anything. What has happened to me has taken over a year, and a day more or less won't make any difference at this point. January - Mom and I have been kind of taking it day by day for the past month. I don't really know what I want to do. I really like the characteristics that my body has developed over the past year, but I don't know how long I want to go on part male and part female. At some point in the future I'll have to make up my mind, but not right now. I have continued to take the hormones but have greatly increased the dosage. I guess I want to see what my body will become if we continue as we have. The only real effect is that my breasts have become much larger and very pendulous. Mom offered to get me some bras but I declined. I like the feel of the weight and heft of my breasts swinging back and forth as I move, and I like to see their outline showing thru the tight sheer blouses I wear now. We did measure me the other day and calculated that if I did get a bra, that I would need about a 40DDD right now. It's funny, over a year ago I guess I was what you'd call a "tit man." That is I liked girls with big tits and could get really turned on by watching a girl with huge tits and a tight sweater. And now I've got a pair of my own to play with. Mom's still been after me to wear a bra "..... so that you won't develop stretch marks and your breasts won't sag as you get older." Well, I really don't think I have to worry about stretch marks too much at my age, and if they want to sag, so be it - just more to play with! I was looking at myself in the mirror the other day. From the back I look like a young girl with my slim figure and long blond hair falling to my hips. But when I turn around and you see the huge mammary glands that I've developed, the effect is totally different. I sure turn the guy's heads when I walk thru the mall these days. I walked past some old lady the other day and heard her mutter something like "..... totally disgusting. She should wear something to cover up that chest of hers." I thought that was so funny. Mom and I decided to go out to supper tonight. We're going to go back to the steakhouse. I haven't told Mom but I think I'll ask the hostess if Craig can be our waiter. And I think that I'll manage to have an "accident" some time during the evening and let one of my huge breasts spill out of my blouse and onto the table. Should be a fun evening.