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Well and Truly Tucked -*- Copyright 1998 by Ellen Hayes.

Any resemblance between the writings in this work, and any actual
persons or places, living or dead, are purely coincidental, except when
used for satirical purposes.

This work contains adult situations, adult language, adult concepts, and
possibly sex.  If you are legally not allowed to read materials
containing such things, then you will be breaking the law by reading
this.  I am not responsible.
Continuing to read this document, or storing it or reproducing it
in any format means that you explicitly affirm that you are legally
allowed to possess and read such materials in your city, county/parish,
state, and country.

All rights reserved.  See the bottom for distribution rights.


Well and Truly Tucked


***
11:21 9 Mar

     "Don't you think it's kind of cold to be out here?"
     Jill looked around carefully.  "No."  Kim gave Jill a look.
"C'mere, Val," Jill drawled, leaning against the car.
     "What?"
     "Just come here for a second."
     I sighed, and walked over and leaned against the car like she was
doing.  "So?  What's up?"
     "Kiss me," she commanded.
     "What?"
     "Kiss me!"

***
11:22 9 Mar

     "What are you talking about?!"
     She got up off the car.  "Look, we just want to see something,
okay?  So just kiss me a little."  Her look was daring me to do it.
     I looked at Kim, who was no help, and sighed.  "Okay."  I leaned
over and gave her a peck on the cheek.
     When I stood back, she had one corner of her mouth up.  "Come on,
try a real one, okay?"
     I sighed and rubbed my head.  "Why are you doing this?"
     "Just do it."
     I looked at her, and she seemed to be serious.  So I slid my arms
around her waist and planted one on her lips.
     Instead of letting it go at that, she put her arms around my neck,
and pulled my head closer to hers.  I was going to fight, but before I
did more than stiffen up, I figured that I'd be better off letting her
do whatever she had in mind.  So instead, I just sat there, and forced
myself to relax.
     Well, I didn't just sit there.
     She was a good kisser, though a little enthusiastic.  At least to
someone who was already dating one of her best friends.  Not to mention
the girl's clothes thing.  That kept bugging me.
     Finally, she pulled away a little.  I opened my eyes again, and
looked directly into hers.  "Well?" I asked.
     She let go, so I did too, and she turned to Kim.  "I can't tell-"
     "Can't tell what?"
     She ignored me, "...so you give it a shot."
     Kim rolled her eyes, then walked over in front of me and giggled,
"My turn!"
     I wished I could figure out what the two of them were up to.  But
it wasn't coming, so I just did the same thing to her that I'd done to
Jill.  Sure enough, she grabbed my head too, and escalated things.  She
was softer than Jill had been, but just as enthusiastic.
     When _she_ finally let go, I sagged against the car, breathing
hard.  This was getting hard on my monogamy, not to mention my poor dick
in bondage.
     "Well?" Jill asked Kim.
     Kim shrugged.  "Sort of in between, I guess."  They both turned to
look at me.
     "What?!"
     They ignored me, studying something.  "Just try it again," Jill
finally said.  "That's it, I promise.  Just do it like you mean it."
     "Come on," pleaded Kim.  This was getting too weird, so to get it
over with, I sighed, smiled at Jill, and pulled her close and gave her a
kiss like I'd given Lisa last night.
     It went on for a long time.  As long as I could stand it, in fact,
until I finally had to stop to breathe.
     When I let go and stepped back, Jill had a look a lot like Lisa did
last night, with her mouth still open, and panting, and staring at me
like she couldn't believe it.
     "Oh, God, you've got to do me like that, Val," Kim said, a note of
awe in her voice.
     I sighed.  "This is the last time," I warned them.  Then I realized
what I was doing, turning down two girls who were wanting to kiss me,
out here in this deserted park...  On the other hand, Debbie had
threatened me if I ever cheated on her, and I don't know what she would
do to these two, but I had a feeling it would be worse on me, because it
WAS them, no matter what I said...
     Kim slid an arm around my waist.  "Just one more..."
     I sighed again, then tried to get into the right frame of mind.
When I had it, I reached over and gave her the treatment.
     She started making "mmm" noises after a very short time, which made
me feel better, so I started sliding my hands along her back.  She
responded by rubbing her whole body against mine.  I introduced just the
tip of my tongue between her lips, so she stuck her whole tongue into
my mouth.  The world narrowed down to her and me.
     I was a little too hot and bothered to stop, or think, so when Jill
slapped me on the shoulder, I was pretty pissed until I got my brain
back.  Then I let go, and leaned against the car and panted, staring at
the ground and repeating over and over, "No more, no more..."
     Kim breathed, "I gotta sit down," and she did, just sliding down
the car until she hit the ground.  That seemed like a good idea, so I
did too.  Maybe the cold would calm me down some.
     "Well?" Jill finally asked.
     "Huh," Kim panted, "she kisses better than-"
     "What about..." Jill interrupted.
     Kim turned to look at me for a second.  "I think... yeah, I think
you're right."
     "Right about what?"
     Jill looked at me, and shook her head.  "If we tell you, you'll
freak out."
     I was ready to do that anyway.  I leaned against the car and
massaged my forehead.  *This never used to happen,* I thought, *I used
to have a normal life...*

***
11:27 9 Mar

     "Are you getting cold?" Jill asked one of us.
     "Yeah," I admitted, and she helped me and Kim up at the same time.

***
11:49 9 Mar

     "Well," Jill finally said sleepily, yanking me out of my doze,
"what are we gonna do now?"
     Long pause.
     "Want to go out, Val?"
     I thought about it.  Somehow going home seemed like a bad idea.
"Sure.  Where we going?"
     Pause.

***
12:11 9 Mar

     We got out of the car slowly.  I didn't think anyone else had
recovered either.  I know I hadn't.
     "Hard to believe it's spring in a couple of weeks," Jill mentioned
as we walked towards the door.  Kim just nodded.
     "I can't wait," I mentioned, and Jill flashed a small smile at me.

***
12:14 9 Mar

     I eased over to Jill and whispered in her ear, "This bookstore is
like that cafe, isn't it?"
     She gave me a look, and leaned over and whispered back, "This was
Kim's idea, not mine.  I've never been here."
     Somehow I didn't want to know what Kim was getting.

***
12:18 9 Mar

     They did have chairs, though.  That was nice.  Jill and I looked
at each other occasionally.  Kim hunted on and on.

***
12:25 9 Mar

     "What did you get?"
     Kim sniffed at me.  "Just some poetry.  Nothing you'd be interested
in."
     I glanced at Jill, who shrugged, like how should I know?

***
12:26 9 Mar

     "Well, can we go to this music shop over on Tarnwood?  I want to
price something," I asked hopefully.
     Kim and Jill looked at each other.  "Yeah, okay, but not too long,"
conceded Kim.
     "I have to get to work," Jill explained.

***
12:38 9 Mar

     I was staring around, looking at effect boxes and mixer boards and
becoming ill at the prices.  *How can they possibly-*
     "Hey," someone called from behind me.  I thought I recognized the
voice.  My heart went into free fall for a long time before slamming
into overdrive, bambambambambambambam.  *Oh, nooo....*
     I turned around, and it was Jack.  Again.  "Hey Val," he remarked
casually.  Maddog and Johnny were behind him.  "How you doin'?"
     Behind them, I saw Kim come around a shelf filled with sheet music,
and she stopped, and her face fell for a second.  She saw, she knew.

***
12:48 9 Mar

     We had been making some oh-so-casual conversation, until Jill
mentioned she had to leave.  Maddog offered to take her, and she took
him up on it.  This left Johnny and Jack.  And me and Kim.  Two and two,
no matter how you counted it.
     "Ah," Jack started, rubbing his nose and looking at Johnny, "could
I talk to you for a minute, Val?  Privately?"
     I looked at Kim, and she looked at me, and we couldn't decide.
     "No kissing, I promise," Jack promised.  "I just want to talk to
you about, uh, something."
     I looked back at him, and he looked serious.  I was about to do
something clever like say no, but then I recognized what he was doing,
from when my sister lived with us.  He wanted to pump me about Debbie.
Relief washed over me.  *That's gotta be it, he's interested in her and
since I'm supposed to be her little sister, I gotta know about her, so
he's gonna ask me since I'm here.*  Some guys had made that mistake when
my sister was in high school.  I lied a lot then, too, just like I was
going to lie a lot now.  "Uh, yeah, okay," I finally said.
     He led me outside and into the parking lot, where if anything the
sky looked worse than when we had come in.  *I hope it doesn't start
raining on us,* I thought upwards.  The parking lot was remarkably
crowded, too, considering the weather, but nobody was stupid enough to
stay outside and tempt fate.  Except us, of course.
     "So, what do you want to talk about?" I asked as he stopped and
turned around to face me.
     "I just wanted to know some stuff," he started.
     I waggled my eyebrows at him, and said, "Shoot!"  *I'll tell him
Debbie's dating a Marine, or something, or a cop, that'd sound
believable, and-*
     "So how long have you been doing this?" he asked.
     "Doing what?"
     "You know," he said like I should know what he was talking about,
and he waved a hand at me.  "That."  When I shook my head to show him I
still wasn't clueful, he leaned close and murmured, "How long have you
been doing this girl thing?"
     Whizzz, bam-bam-bam-utterlytoolongandfrighteningpause-bam-bam-bam.
"W-w-what?" I stuttered.
     He gave me a look which said, how stupid do you think I am anyway?
and asked, "How long have you been doing the dress up as a girl thing?
You're pretty good, I just...."  He sort of faded out then, like
everything else did.

***
12:50 9 Mar

     I felt someone holding me firmly around my waist, and for a moment
I thought it was my dad and I was five and he was lifting me out of the
car.  When I opened my eyes again, though, it was a guy, whom I
identified as Jack, that guy in the band.  He looked concerned.
     "Don't you think you're carrying this a little far?" he asked with
a note of amazement.
     I didn't know what he was talking about, until what he'd said right
before I blacked out, came back.  I shrieked and spasmed, like you do
when you find something really unpleasant, like a rat in your pants or
your sister in her underwear in the bathroom or someone's found out a
nasty secret about you and they're going to kill you, and he let go in
surprise, but I wasn't ready for that, so I fell backwards and landed on
the pavement on my butt.
     I kept my eyes on him, though, and when he started towards me with
his hands up, I knew it was all over unless I could outrun him.  I
scrambled sideways, rolling over, and made like Wile E. until I got
traction and launched myself up and forward.
     I think he said, "Wait!" but that was the last thing in my life I
was gonna do, wait, so I booked as hard as I could.
     I felt something touch my back, while I was running, and I almost
screamed, but I dodged a little sideways and bounced off the rear fender
of a parked car, changing my direction 90 degrees, while Jack had to
back up and start over.
     After a while I didn't hear footsteps, so I slowed down and took a
look behind me.  Big mistake, I realized, as I slammed into a light
pole.  I bounced backwards, lost it, and ate pavement.  Jack was on top
of me long before I could get back up.
     I started screaming and cursing, trying to attract some attention,
and tried hitting him, but he blocked those easily.  He was yelling,
too, but I couldn't understand what he was saying, not that I was that
interested.  He backed off a step or so, which gave me just enough room
to cock a leg and try to rack him.  I hit, and he bent over and grabbed
himself, and that was all I needed.  I flipped over and rocketed off
again, but that damned light pole caught me again, harder this time.
     When I bounced backwards, Jack caught me, and before I could do
anything he had me in a full nelson and completely off the ground.  I
knew I was gonna die, right there, if I didn't get loose, but he kept my
legs from anything I could get a push off from, and all the thrashing in
the world didn't cause him to slip even a little bit.
     My chest was getting tighter, and I took a few seconds off to
breathe frantically.  "WAIT!" Jack roared into my ear.  "I'M NOT GONNA
HURT YOU!"  *Could've fooled me,* I thought as I tried to flip loose
again, which he just ignored.  "CHILL OUT!"
     As always happened when I was gonna take some serious pain and
there was nothing I could do about it, I started to tear up
uncontrollably.  I didn't want to die like this.  The begging just kind
of spewed forth, "Oh, God, don't kill me it wasn't my idea let me GO you
prick, God it wasn't my idea I swear I'll never-"
     "SHUT UP!" he yelled, shaking me back and forth.  "I'M NOT GONNA
HURT YOU!  JUST CHILL!"
     I stopped thrashing, and screaming, but I couldn't stop crying.  I
know it's not macho, but I couldn't help it.  I was so afraid that my
life as I knew it was gonna end right there, I mean, he'd KISSED me.  I
waited for a long time, sobbing, for him to start pounding my face into
a car or something.
     "I'm not gonna hurt you," he said more calmly into my ear.  "If you
promise not to take off again, I'll put you down, okay?  Promise?"  I
couldn't say anything for a while.  "Promise?" he asked again, and I
finally nodded.
     He lowered me to the ground, and as my feet touched I got my
balance.  He let go, and I just stood there, trying to stop crying.  I
was too sick to run anyway.

***
12:54 9 Mar

     "Feel better?"
     "No."  I snuffled, trying to clear my nose.
     "Do you have some kleenex or something in your purse?" Jack asked.
I looked down, and it was gone.  I reluctantly turned around, and he was
holding it out in one hand.  I took it and looked inside.  Debbie had
stocked it with her usual thoroughness.  I pulled some out and blew my
nose several times.  It kept me from having to look up.
     "Look," he finally commanded, so I did, reluctantly.  Jack was
rubbing his forehead, and breathing a little hard.  He went on, tiredly,
"I'm not gonna do anything to hurt you or anything like that.  I, I'm
sorry if I scared you or anything.  I just wanted to talk to you about,
uh, it.  That."
     I hugged myself and shrugged, sick inside.  "Whah," I cleared my
throat, "what do you want to know?"
     "I just wanted to talk about it," he replied.  "You're the youngest
one I ever met."
     "Youngest one what?"
     "Ah," he thought for a second, "youngest, uh, person to be doing
this."
     "Why?"
     "Huh?"  He looked confused.  "Why what?"
     "Why do you want to know?"  I was still trying to catch my breath,
and still trying to see if he was lying and I should start running
again.
     He sighed, and shrugged.  "I dunno, it's... it's kind of strange.
Weird.  It, uh, it's sort of a microcosm of the entire concept of gender
in modern society," which statement did NOT fit with what he was saying
before.
     "What?  When did you become a, a philosopher?"
     He grinned.  "About the third time I tried LSD."

***
12:57 9 Mar

     "Look," I told him as he led me back to the music shop, "I, it, I
just can't talk about it right now, I'm too fucked up."  And blew my
nose again, to drive the point home.
     He stopped and dug in his pocket.  "Well, here, let me give you a
card, and you can call me sometime this week, okay?  No, wait, let me
get your number too, I have a weird schedule.  Or can I reach you at
Debbie's?"
     "No!" I gasped, thinking of him calling up Debbie and imagining the
bloody results.  "I, uh..."  I sighed, feeling trapped again.  "I'll
give you my number, I guess."  He gave me a pen, and I wrote my number
out on another card.  I'd have to change my voicemail message again.
And maybe set up another mailbox.  "You're not gonna try and hunt me
down or anything, right?"
     "No," he said emphatically, "I just want to talk, ask you some
questions.  You're the one that took off, remember?"
     "I, I thought you were going to kill me," I shuddered.
     He patted me on the shoulder.  "No el problemo, okay?"  He looked
real hard at me then, and asked, "Right?"
     He wouldn't stop looking at me until I answered, I realized after
half a minute.  "Right," I agreed hesitantly, "not if you don't."  He
shook his head confidently, and opened the door for me.
     Kim and Johnny were at the front of the store, talking, I guess,
and they looked up when we came in.  Kim's eyes widened in shock when
she looked at me.  I guess the makeup had run or something.

***
12:59 9 Mar

     "Come on, Val, we gotta go, okay?"  Kim wasn't believing me or Jack
when we said nothing was wrong.  Which was okay with me, I guess.  At
least someone was on my side.  Besides, I kind of wanted to get the hell
away from Jack anyway.

***
13:02 9 Mar

     She waited until we were safely out of the parking lot before
asking, "What the hell happened out there?"
     "Um..."  I wiped some hair out of my face.  This wasn't going to be
easy.

***
13:09 9 Mar

     Talking about it again had made me upset all over again.  I wiped
my eyes, trying not to smear anything worse, though I don't know why I
bothered.  Habit, I guess.
     "So what are you going to do?" Kim asked.
     "I dunno," I sniffed, "I guess call him."
     "Why?!"  She sounded shocked.
     "'Cause!  What else can I do?  He said all he wants to do is talk,
and he's got me over a barrel..."  I had to stop.
     "Well, you know, we won't let you get hurt over this," Kim told me,
sounding like she'd be the first one in line.  That made me feel
instantly better.  A little.
     "I know, but he said all he wanted to do was talk, ask me some
questions, you know."  I sniffed, and forced a chuckle.  "I guess it is
kind of confusing him or something."
     "You don't have to talk to him or anything, you know."
     I blew my nose.  Again.  "I know, but I figure if I just talk to
him on the phone, he'll leave me alone.  He had his chance to cream me,
and didn't, so..."
     "Well, what if he looks up your number or something?"
     "Unlisted.  And I don't ever dial out without caller ID block on.
So he can't get me there..."
     We looked at each other at a stop light.  Kim shook her head.  "I
just dunno... you're really taking a risk."  She reached over and
squeezed my hand before she drove off.  "I just don't want you to get
hurt, is all."
     "I know... Thanks."  I really meant it.
     "So what do I tell Debbie?" she asked after a long minute.
     "Oh God!  Don't tell her anything, okay?  Please?  I don't need any
blood on my hands about this, okay, and if she thinks he's a problem, I
dunno what she'd do, please God don't tell her anyth-"
     "OKAY okay okay!" she yelled over me.  "I won't say anything, okay?
I don't know a thing about anything."  I slumped in my seat as the
latest rush of adrenaline turned off and turned me into a dishrag.  "But
if you get into trouble..."  She just left the consequences hanging.

***
13:51 9 Mar

     "You sure you got all the makeup off?"  Kim nodded.  "Okay, be
right back."  I slammed the car door and ran up to my house.

***
13:52 9 Mar

     I almost left my room before I remembered I had to change the
voicemail.  *Damn him anyway,* I fumed as I sat down at the terminal.
Luckily, I'd done the entire setup using sound files or George's voice
scrambler, so none of the other voice segments sounded like me, and none
of 'em had my real name either, so all I'd have to do is set up another
mailbox.  And hope none of my friends asked me who "Valerie" was.

***
14:02 9 Mar

     "So?  What happened to you in the last twenty-four?" George asked.
     I sighed, and collapsed on a chair.

***
14:03 9 Mar

     "Hey!"
     "Oh, hi Tuck," waved Amanda.  I waved back.  She dropped a cooler
full of drinks on the floor next to the table.  "I got the stuff," she
said, huffing a little.
     Mike explained, "She'll be running Jill's character on the
weekends," as he came in behind her, carrying a bag.
     I asked Mike, "Shanda the Barbarian?"  Amanda gave me a look, like
she was new at this and she didn't need to be made fun of right off the
bat.  "Hey," I disclaimed, "I didn't make it up, she did!"

***
14:52 9 Mar

     "Please Buddha," the latest patron saint of our gaming group, in
deference to Mike's latest religion, "please Buddha...."  I rolled the
dice, and got a four.  "Yes!"
     "You make it across the chasm, you lucky pointy-eared bastard,"
said Mike, shaking his head, "with, oh, a couple of feet to spare, and
the rope still in your sweaty little hand."  I did a victory dance in my
chair.

***
18:07 9 Mar

     Mike rang the play bell.  "That's all for today, kids."  Everyone
sighed, and started to pack up, except Amanda.
     "What?" she complained.  "Is it over already?  What time is it?"
     "Six," Dan told her.
     "What?"  She looked amazed.  "Already?"
     Mike remarked, "I zink ve have anuzzer convert, Herr Tuckerrr."
     "Ja, mein dunjonmeister!"

***
18:09 9 Mar

     Mike's phone rang, and he ran off to answer it.  When he came back,
I was almost packed up.  He waved at me.  "Tuck, it's your mistress I
mean girlfriend on the phone."  He sounded peeved.
     "Debbie?"  He nodded.  "Can I use your phone?"  He nodded again as
I was dashing past him.  "Thanks Mike!" I called at him as I ran into
his room.  "Debbie?"
     "Hi..." she sounded really tired.  "I was wondering, would you like
to come over tonight?  Lisa's taking care of a cancellation, and..."
She sighed.
     "Sure," I interrupted.  "I, I'm at Mike's, we just got through
gaming, and I guess maybe one of the girls could take me..."
     "Who's there?"
     "Kathy and Kim, and Amanda just showed up today, to play for Jill."
     "Amanda?  No shit," she mused.

***
18:12 9 Mar

     "Please?" I begged.  "It's not too far out of your way," I guessed.
I hoped.
     Amanda sighed.  "But..."
     "It'd really help Debbie out," I informed her.

***
18:36 9 Mar

     I looked up, and Amanda was shaking her head.  "What?"
     She said, "I just don't believe you... I don't believe you're doing
this."
     I sighed.  "Me either, sometimes."  I gave her a sick smile.
"Guess I'm desperate, huh?"
     She nodded silently, but when she didn't say anything else, I went
back to putting makeup on.  I guess I was pretty desperate.  On the
other hand, there were worse people to be desperate about than Debbie.

***
18:49 9 Mar

     I rang the doorbell, and wiped my sweaty hands on my skirt.
Something about Debbie's mom Helen made me nervous.  "You sure you want
to stay?" I asked Amanda.  She nodded.
     Finally, the door opened.  It was Debbie.  "Hey," she waved,
sounding tired.
     "Hi Debbie," we both said as she waved us in.  "Um," Amanda
hesitated, "mind if I stay too?"

***
19:06 9 Mar

     I dug my share of the pizza money out of my purse.  God, I hoped
the babysitting job worked out.  I'd had to dip into my savings account
already this month, and March was way too early in the year to be doing
that.  *At least my birthday's coming up,* I thought.

***
19:41 9 Mar

     We ended up with me on one side of Debbie, her mom on the other,
scrunched real tight against each other, and Amanda across the coffee
table.  The pizza was in the middle, and disappearing fast, even though
there were three diets at the table.  Or maybe they'd all left them on
the coat rack.
     "Feeling better, kiddo?" Helen asked, and Debbie nodded.
     She managed to rub my arm without letting her mom see.  "It's nice
to have friends," she said.  She kept sounding really exhausted.  I was
worried about her.

***
20:19 9 Mar

     "Scrabble?"
     Debbie gave me a look.  "You have a better idea?"
     I took a guess.  "Poker?"
     Helen raised her eyebrows, but it was Debbie that complained, "Oh,
no, not again..."  She turned to Helen.  "Mom, don't, she'll clean us
out!"
     It seemed as though her temper was worse when she was having her
period, too.  I'd have to watch that.  It was bad enough normally.

***
22:31 9 Mar

     Helen looked at the clock, and sighed, as I gleefully wiped the
tiles off the board to erase the record of my second stunning defeat.
"God, there are nights," she sighed again, then stopped.
     "You like night shift, Mom, remember?" Debbie teased.
     "Times like this, I can't imagine why," she replied.

***
22:40 9 Mar

     Debbie sighed, and took some more ibuprofen, washing it down with
water.  "Anyway, Val, I'll take you tomorrow, about six thirty, and
we'll probably stay until about five.  Mrs. Parker is cool, I worked for
her a few times."  She snuggled closer to me on the couch.
     I rubbed her other shoulder, the one not jammed into me.  "Are you
going to be okay tomorrow?"  Any babysitting job that needed two
people...
     She nodded.  "Yeah, I just need to sleep some.  Thanks for coming
over tonight, both of you."  Amanda and I nodded at her.
     "Isn't that kind of early, though?" I mentioned.
     "You gotta get ready, remember?"  Debbie turned to Amanda.  "And
you're doing the Davis's kids, right?"
     Amanda nodded.  "No problem," she replied.

***
23:07 9 Mar

     I opened the door, and motioned for Amanda to go in first.  I hoped
my dad was asleep, but no such luck.  "Tucker?"
     I stifled a sigh.  "Hi Dad.  This is Amanda.  Manda, this is my
dad."  She waved at him, a little.
     "Tucker, you're-"
     "I know, but we were over with Debbie, like last night except at
her house, and we just got a little late."  Amanda nodded.  "Besides,
it's just a few minutes," I pleaded.
     He sighed, but said, "Just this once, you've been pretty good
lately about curfew."
     "I've BEEN trying, Dad.  Thanks."  I turned to Amanda.  "Want
something to drink or something?"  She shook her head.  "Sure?"

***
23:05 9 Mar

     "Who was THAT?" Brian asked.
     "Amanda.  Get out of the way, I gotta go."
     He moved, but dropped, "What, are you a pimp now or something?"
     I stopped and turned back around, to find him backing up with his
fists balled up.  Real calmly, I told him, "Brian, let me give you some
advice, okay?  If you ever say something like that again, I'm gonna tell
all of them what you said, and then I'm gonna leave the house unlocked
for them.  They're NOT 'nice girls.'  I don't think they'd ever find
enough of your body for a decent burial."  I sighed a little.  "They
scare ME, and they like me.  You wouldn't have a chance."  With that, I
turned back around and went to take a leak.

***
05:58 10 Mar

     The flashing light looked like an ambulance until I woke up enough
to recognize the phone.  "'Lo?"
     "Hon?"  It was Debbie.  "Get ready, okay?  I'll be there in a
little bit."
     "Nnn.  'Kay."  I sat up.  "You feel better?"
     She sighed.  "Yeah, some.  Anyway, see you in a little?"
     "Yeah."
     "Okay, I'll be there in half an hour.  Kisskiss," and she hung up.
     I yawned, rubbed my eyes, and went to go dig in the girl's clothes
in the closet for something to wear.

***
06:26 10 Mar

     "Durn," I mumbled to myself as I looked in the mirror.  I was
wearing two completely different sets of clothes, and you couldn't tell
at ALL.  "Now that is BAGGY."

***
06:29 10 Mar

     It was almost exactly half an hour later that I saw her pull up
from my vantage point of staring out the curtains.  I hurried out,
locking the door behind me.  She didn't get out of the car.
     "Hi hon," she smiled at me as I slid inside the warm car.
     "Hi!"  I leaned over and we kissed.  "I just need to stop somewhere
and put some makeup on."
     She gave me this really amazed look.  "What?"
     I nodded at her.  "Go find a parking lot, and I'll show you."  She
put the car in gear and drove off before I added, "I had this idea to
save time..."

***
06:48 10 Mar

     She kept shaking her head.  "What?"
     "I just don't believe..."  She trailed off.
     I shrugged at her.  "Ask Mike if you don't believe me."  I snorted.
"We once smuggled out enough electronics to equip a Third World country
once, under our clothes.  That's why I like 'em baggy."
     "And I thought you were trying to be stylish," she sighed.
     "Who, me?  I wouldn't know stylish if it bit me."  I moved back to
the mirror to finish with the lipstick.
     "Ain't it the truth..."

***
06:52 10 Mar

     I thought I was finished, finally.  I'd picked out a pair of girl's
jeans that had somehow made their way into the bag, and a shirt which
was undoubtedly too nice, with a T shirt of mine under it.  I also went
as light as I dared on the makeup.  A few swipes with the hairbrush and
some gel made my hair look a lot like it had in the salon.
     "Well?"  She looked me over, very carefully.  Then she reached into
her purse, and pulled out a mini Maglite, and shined it at my face.
"Hey!"
     "Shsssh."  She looked all over, as I went completely blind.
"Pretty lightweight today, that's good.  Not too bad, I guess."
     "Not too bad?"
     I heard her snort.  "Well, hell, it's not like you're gonna have
your picture taken.  We're gonna be babysitting, dumbass."  She took a
deep breath.  "Well, anyway, you got finished a lot sooner than I
thought you would.  Want breakfast?"
     "Love some.  What'd you have in mind?"

***
07:10 10 Mar

     "HOW many kids?"
     Debbie sighed, and ran her fingers through her hair.  "She wasn't
sure.  A lot."  She yanked her fingers out of her hair just in time to
shift gears.
     "Well, like what's a lot?" I asked nervously.
     She gave me a look.  "She's doing something with the other wives or
something at her kid's school, they're having a day off or whatever, and
we're watching all their kids.  Almost," she amended, "she's taking her
baby with her.  I think.  I hope."
     "What school is this?"  I knew the public ones in our district
staggered the breaks a little, so all the kids in the city wouldn't be
running around at one time.  Which is why I was off and Brian wasn't,
haha.
     "Some Catholic one or something, I forget.  Saint Whatsizname."  We
both snickered.
     "Oh, yeah, good ol' Saint Whatsizname..."  I remembered my
question.  "So how many is a lot?"
     Debbie sighed again.  "Hopefully, no more than six."
     "No MORE than six!?"
     She gave me another look.  "Why do you think I called you in?  I
can handle five at a time, you know."  I didn't know that, but I could
believe it.  She'd probably have them all out begging for money within
fifteen minutes, with a 50/50 split as their agent.
     "Well, like, what's the upper limit?"
     "She said, she PROMISED, no more than ten today.  Two of us can
handle ten."
     "Well, what if there IS more?"
     She shot back, "Then I call Lisa and see if she can find some help,
otherwise we cancel the whole thing because that's over the contractual
limits."
     Pause.  "Oh," I finally said.  That sounded to me like experience
talking.  Then, "Ten?!"

***
07:28 10 Mar

     We both sighed as we got close to the front door.  I looked at her
looking at me.
     "How much are we getting paid for this?"
     "A lot.  Fifty fifty split.  And, she usually tips well."
     I took a deep breath, and knocked.

***
07:29 10 Mar

     The door opened.  The person behind it was a pleasant looking
woman, tall, with dark shoulder length hair, and blue eyes like mine.
She was holding a baby up, and when she saw us, she sighed in relief.
"Hi, Debbie, I'm so glad you could make it.  I've just GOT to get out of
this house for a day."
     "Hi Mrs. Parker," Debbie said, which I echoed as quick as I could.
     She focused on me then, and asked, "And you are...?"
     "Hi, I'm Valerie," I said, and held out my hand.
     "She's helping me today," Debbie said as Mrs. Parker and I shook
hands.
     "Well, come on in," she invited, and swung the door open.  We
walked in, carrying our bags.  I had some homework, on the off chance it
would be quiet (Debbie had laughed at the idea), and a change of clothes
like she had suggested.  Debbie was carrying paperwork and records and
stuff, and a Polaroid camera, which I hoped wasn't for me.  And a change
of clothes.  I wondered what she knew that I didn't...
     "Anyway, no one else is here yet, so I guess you have a chance to
set up or whatever," Mrs. Parker mentioned as she turned around in the
huge living room.
     "Well, I think we still have the info on Patrick," Debbie said,
digging around in the papers, "from the last time D&E sat for you, but I
don't have anything on Stella."
     Mrs. Parker sighed.  "Well, let's go through it, I guess."  She sat
down on a couch in the living room.
     Debbie sat down close to her, and pulled out a folder.  She looked
up at me, and suggested, "Val, why don't you look over these," she
handed me a sheaf of forms, "so we can get info on everyone else when
they come in, okay?"  I nodded, and started to look through them.

***
07:48 10 Mar

     The doorbell rang - again - and at Mrs. Parker's nod I got up to
answer it.  Again.  Ms. Janswell kept scratching at the forms.
     When I opened the door, there was another woman, carrying one kid
on her hip and one still strapped into a car seat.  That made six.  Oh
God.
     "Hi!" she chirped, and lugged the kids in.  "Are you the sitter for
today?" she asked.
     "One of them.  Has D&E Personal Services sat for your children
before?"  When she looked blank, I stifled a sigh, and continued, "Well,
come over here, we have some forms you have to fill out so we can take
care of your children the way you want them to be taken care of..."
     The doorbell rang.  Again.  There was a flash from Debbie as she
took another Polaroid of another kid.
     "Do you want me to go get their stuff?" the latest mother asked.  I
nodded, trying not to scream, and went back towards the door.

***
08:09 10 Mar

     "Okay," I mumbled to myself, walking quickly and looking at the
checklist.  "Back door, locked.  Kitchen cabinet latches?"  I checked
every one of them for those little childproof latches.  Amazingly, they
all had them.  "Windows."  Jeezus.  There was too much on here.
"Garbage..." Found it.  "Garbage bags, cleaning supplies..."  A couple
of minutes found everything I thought we could possibly need, except a
vacuum cleaner.  Which was in the hall closet.  "Jeezus..."  I flipped
to the next page.  "Stairs..."  I hustled towards the stairs.  "What the
heck is a baby barrier?"

***
08:16 10 Mar

     I guessed that everyone was here, judging by the way that all the
mothers were saying goodbye to their kids and telling them to be good
and so forth.  I knew how well THAT was gonna work...
     Debbie was talking to Mrs. Parker, and when I heard a gasp, I
looked over.  Mrs. Parker looked shocked.  "How much?" I heard her
breathe.  *Must be talking about fees,* I grinned to myself.  One thing
I HAD learned, going along with Debbie's insanities - whatever hell I
was gonna go through today, I would be paid well for it.
     I looked at the ranks of kids, only three of them above age four,
and hoped it would be enough.

***
08:21 10 Mar

     The lowest floor of the house had been checked over, and found
suitable.  I guess.  I hoped Debbie hadn't forgotten anything on the
checklist, because my mind was a complete blank.
     The group of mothers made it out the door, finally, and shut it.  A
few seconds later, the lock rotated, sealing us in.  I felt like I was
in Alcatraz.
     Debbie and I had just enough of a chance to look at each other
before the first toddler noticed her mommy was gone, and started to
scream.  "Can you fix breakfast?" the six year old girl whined above the
howls.  "I didn't get to eat before I left."
     Debbie crossed herself, then pointed me towards the back of the
house, and I guess the kitchen.
     I faced a smile at the older kids, and said, loud enough to be
heard, "Who wants breakfast?"  Debbie walked over and handed me three
dossiers on the three kids, then sighed and turned back to the babies.

***
08:23 10 Mar

     Predictably, none of them wanted the same thing.

***
08:28 10 Mar

     I'd gotten them all enthused about omelettes when Debbie came in
for a minute.  "Val, did you notice the garbage bags anywhere?" she
asked in a rush.
     "Under the sink, I think, why?" I asked, opening the cabinet.  Yep,
there they were.  That checklist was handy.
     "Four wet diapers."
     "Already?!"
     The kids giggled in unison.

***
08:34 10 Mar

     The older ones were eating omelettes, so I went back in the living
room to help Debbie.
     I'd been ignoring the noise, but it was impossible once I got in
there.  I think all of them were standing or lying around, and they were
all trying to outdo each other.  It would have competed quite well with
any Metallica concert, at least at close range.
     Debbie tossed me a little packet.  Earplugs.  "It's the only way to
stay sane!" she yelled at me.

***
08:38 10 Mar

     They'd gotten relatively quiet, which meant that only half of them
were screaming, when I realized that I'd left three of them alone in the
kitchen.  With food.  And glasses of milk.  I started to run.
     "Take one with you!" Debbie suggested urgently, so I grabbed a
loaded car seat and hustled back.
     When I got there, they were just getting into an argument, and one
of them had a fork in a cocked position.  "Aaaaht!" I warned, and he
immediately dropped it on his plate and looked innocent.  "Now," I
started off in a more reasonable tone, "What were your names again?"
     All three of them looked at me like I was stupid.

***
08:49 10 Mar

     Patrick, aka "Ricky", Mark, and June were almost done with their
breakfast.  I was still reading formula instructions for three of the
babies, and filling "ba-bas" with "wa-wa" for the toddlers.  I was
beginning to feel real fear along my spine.
     *Wonder if this'll count for a foreign language,* I wondered,
trying to keep my mind off the terror.
     "Bottles, Tuh-Valerie," Debbie warned from the living room.
     "Right!" I called back.  Then I looked over at the older ones.
*Divide and conquer,* I thought.  "June," I asked, as sweetly as I could
manage, "could you help me with the toddler's bottles while I fix
formula?"
     June sighed deeply, like I'd just asked her to go clean a toilet,
and flumped off her seat and stomped over to the sink.  I got the
impression she wasn't happy.
     "What's formula?" Mark asked, and Ricky hit him.
     "Ricky!" I warned.
     "Well, he's stup-"
     "I am not!"  Mark swatted at Ricky.
     "BOYS!"  They stopped.
     June sniffed in the relative silence.  "Boys," she echoed.
     I wanted to agree with her.  The little snot.

***
09:12 10 Mar

     Most of the little ones had bottles, the three older ones had
agreed (under threat of playing outside in the cold rain) to watch a
video together, and Debbie and I were taking a breather.  Of sorts.
     "Tags, tags," she muttered as she dug through a attache case.
"Aahah, name tags."  She pulled out a pack of them, and tossed them to
me.  "Match up clothes with photos, and put name tags on the little
darlings.  This'll make it easier to- no, kid," she said, taking a pen
out of a toddler's mouth, "that's bad for you."  The kid looked like she
wanted to cry.  "T-Val?" Debbie asked desperately, so I picked up the
kid, found a pacifier, and started to tease her with it.
     She was intent on the pen for a while, but I finally got her
attention.  Then she hit me in the head with her cute dainty little fist
several times.  "Hey Deb, this one's just like youow!" I complained as
she slammed me in the nose.
     Debbie almost managed to stifle a snicker.

***
09:17 10 Mar

     "Do what?"
     "Change her, she's wet.  Again," Debbie moaned.
     I looked desperately at the child I was holding, who looked
desperately back, and then at Debbie.  "But, how?"
     Debbie stared at me for a long second, then shook her head.  "Come
on," she commanded, sounding tiredly amused, "I'll show you..."

***
09:22 10 Mar

     Diaper number one had gone well, and I was now on diaper number
two, since they had all decided to go at the same time, when the phone
rang.  Debbie got up to answer it.
     I was still having to pay attention to what I was doing, so I
didn't catch any of the conversation, really, although it did strike me
as odd that Debbie had answered the phone.
     When I noticed that she had finished, she was already sitting down
next to me on the changing station trash-bag-slash-carpet-shield she'd
whipped up.  "Who was it?" I grinned.
     "Tommy's mom," she sighed, wiping her face with the back of her
wrist.  "Wanted to know how he was doing."
     "Which one's Tommy?"
     "That one," she pointed at the one I was changing.  She sighed, and
sat back on her haunches.  "I hate it when they call up, I really do."
     "Well, did she have anything to say?  I mean, like important?"
     Debbie shook her head.  "Just separation anxiety.  Wants to make
sure we haven't stuffed her little darling in the oven or something."
She shook her head.  "Parents."
     "So are we supposed to answer the phone?" I asked.
     She nodded again.  "So they can keep pestering us with inane
questions about how their kid is doing in the few hours they've been
away."
     "I sense you have strong feelings on this issue," I mentioned.
Debbie made hand motions indicating just how strong her feelings were.
And they were strong feelings, too, hoo, boy.  She almost smacked one
kid in the head.

***
09:25 10 Mar

     Half of them had been changed again, and we had name tags on all
the ones that didn't speak.  June, Ricky, and Mark refused indignantly,
saying, "Those are for BABIES!"  Debbie was going to push it, but I
motioned for her to cool it, figuring that three wouldn't be hard, and
they could talk anyway.
     "Well," I mentioned as I slipped their tags in my pocket, "I guess
if you keep acting grown up, then we won't have to put tags on you like
we did the babies."  I thought I was being a little subtle, but their
faces told me they got the hint right away.
     I felt an instant of the power parents must feel.  Then one of the
toddlers tripped over nothing, fell on his face, and started to cry.

***
09:26 10 Mar

     "Well, no damage," commented Debbie, as the kid, Bobby, stopped
sniffling and started watching the television.  He was a heavy little
guy, but then they all were.  I made to put him down, but he clamped
little arms around my neck.  I thought about prying him loose, but
decided the effort wasn't worth it.
     Flash! went Debbie's photo-op camera.  The one she kept in her
purse for those Kodak moments.  The one that kept getting me in trouble.
I sighed.  *I guess keeping him was the wrong idea,* I thought, glaring
at Deb.  "I think you're a natural at this," she grinned at me as she
stuck the camera back in a pocket.
     "Oh, thanks, Deb," I snapped back at her.  "Make me feel good."
     She shrugged at me.  "It's a job, Val.  Don't knock it."
     I sighed, still irritated at yet another 35mm that I was sure was
going to be used to embarrass me later, at least in front of the Pack.

***
09:31 10 Mar

     "Well?  What now?" I asked her as she walked Erica back into the
living room.  Erica was almost potty trained, said her info.  I pulled a
book out of Bobby's hands, and the little girl he was hitting
enthusiastically with it, made a fist and hit Bobby back.  "Hey, uh,
Bethy," checking her nametag as I said it, "don't hit Bobby and maybe
you two can live through today, huh?  Does that sound like fun?"  I
guess it didn't, because she tried to hit him again.  I grabbed her up,
and she hit me instead.  "Don't do that, I take enough grief as it is."
Whack.  "Debbie?"
     Debbie looked up at me, and plopped down on the floor, nabbing
Bobby as she did.  "Well, we could always try f-i-n-g-e-r-p-a-i-n-t
ing," she spelled out.
     We managed to keep straight faces for quite a long time,
considering, but I finally lost it first, and we laughed at each other.
And laughed, and laughed.  It was a sick sort of laughter.

***
09:43 10 Mar

     I changed my third diaper, this one full of Awful.  I wished for my
gas mask as I wiped unspeakable foulness off Bethy's rear.  *How much am
I getting paid for this again?*
     She looked up at me, and giggled, and made an attempt to get up.
"Nuh uh," I told her, "you're staying right there until you're clean or
a reasonable facsimile."  She gave me a winning smile, one that would
have made me sigh at her beauty if my hands weren't occupied with her
digestive byproducts.  I told her, "Yeah, you're cute, but nnnt!" as she
made another break for freedom.  "Gotta wake up earlier than that to
fool ole, uh, me."  Darn, now I couldn't even remember which name to
use.

***
09:53 10 Mar

     I got back from washing my hands after diaper number four, thinking
of something.  "Deb, where's Lisa today?"
     Debbie looked up from helping Tommy do something with a stuffed
animal.  "What?"
     "I figured Lisa'd be here, not me.  What's she up to?  Lazing
around?"
     Debbie gave me a boy-are-you-wrong grin, and said, "No, she's
helping cater someone's big lunch deal today."
     I thought about it for a second, absently nabbing Erica as she made
a break for freedom past my legs.  "But I thought you'd said that you'd
call her first, if there was too many kids."  I swung Erica up and
perched her on a hip.
     Debbie nodded. "She knows who's working and who isn't today, over
on her side.  Everyone _I_ know is full up today."  She looked back at
Tommy, and put the animal in front of his face, then took it away, then
put it back, then took it away again.  Tommy laughed and laughed.
     One of the non-ambulator ones started to whine about something, so
I went to go check, taking Erica with me.

***
09:55 10 Mar

     "Teething," sighed Debbie authoritatively.
     "What?"
     "She's teething, her mom said," Debbie informed me, waving a folder
at me.  "See if she's got a teether in there somewhere."
     "A what?"
     She rolled her eyes at me.

***
09:56 10 Mar

     I sat down on the couch, intending to stay there as long as
possible, which I guessed would be maybe five minutes.  I had Erica on
one side, holding a little doll the same way I was holding Marie-Ann.
"What's your baby's name?" I asked her, but Erica ignored me.  Marie-Ann
chewed enthusiastically on the water filled plastic ring that Debbie had
handed me.  Which was better than my fingers, which Debbie had suggested
I use as a substitute.  New teeth were incredibly sharp, I'd found out.
     The older kids laughed crazily at Animaniacs.  I watched it for a
little too, until I noticed that Bobby was about to whack Bethy with an
empty diaper box.  "Bobby!" I warned, but it was too late.
     Bonk!  Bethy looked around, confused, until she saw Bobby grinning
with the box in his hands.  Then she screamed.  I levitated off the couch
and grabbed the box out of Bobby's hand before he could finish the job,
but it was too late.  "Bobby, you're being bad, if you keep that up
you're gonna be a jock when you grow up," I scolded him.  I would have
picked Bethy up to make her feel better, and get her out of reach, but I
already had a baby I didn't remember taking with me.  I stared at
Marie-Ann, who stared back and chewed.
     "Val!" Debbie complained as she pulled Bobby out of range, "don't
just stand there!"
     I felt glad when he whacked Debbie in the head.
     "AAAHHHH!!" wailed Bethy.  Marie-Ann looked at her, like she was a
specimen in a zoo.
     "God," complained Mark, "can't you keep those babies quiet?"
Patrick reached over and hit Mark, calling him a dork, and they got into
a short fight, which ended up with Debbie pulling the two of them apart,
and June getting kicked somewhere.  Instead of howling, she just started
to whine quietly, pathetic little tears trickling down her cheeks.  Then
one of the babies got set off by the noise, exploding like a sonic land
mine.  Then, Marie-Ann decided she was missing out, and started to cry
too.
     I was just a little stunned by how fast everything had gone to
hell.

***
10:02 10 Mar

     "Well, now, you two wouldn't be stuck in here if you could avoid
fighting," I told Ricky and Mark as I read formula instructions again.
I had to raise my voice so they could hear me over the howling of hungry
babies, and through the hands they had over their ears.
     Marie-Ann and Stella were really getting into the screaming thing,
but there was only so fast I could read.  And I had earplugs, haha.

***
10:06 10 Mar

     Debbie and I sat and looked at each other, babies in our arms.
Quiet, sucking babies.  Well, slurping like they were, they weren't that
quiet, but with nipples in their mouths, they weren't screaming any
more.
     "You look so domestic," Debbie said with a cutesy voice, then broke
up in a giggle fit.
     I waited until she was done, then pointed out, "So do you, dear."
She made a face at that.
     "What's domestic mean?" asked Mark.
     "Like moms and housework and stuff," I explained to him.
     He screwed up his face, trying to understand.  "Well, how do you
LOOK it?"
     I looked to Debbie for help, but she wasn't any.  Flash! went her
camera.

***
10:12 10 Mar

     "What?"
     Erica looked up at me.  "Hngee," she mumbled.
     "You're hungry?"  She nodded.  "Oh..."  Oh shit.  "Oh, dear.
Debbie?"

***
10:16 10 Mar

     "Appull!" Bobby shrieked, and got up and ran towards me.  Well,
towards the plate in my hands.

***
10:21 10 Mar

     "It's stupid!" Patrick complained.
     "Is NOT!" snapped June.
     He turned to face her.  "You're just a girl, what do you know?"
     "More than you, you doodoohead!"
     "We're GOING to watch it," I snapped, and ignored the complaints
from Patrick.
     I rubbed my forehead, until I felt a tugging on one leg.  I looked
down, and it was Erica.  "Gah goh," she said.
     "What?"
     "Gah goh!" she repeated insistently.
     It took a moment longer before it clicked in my head.  "You haveta
go to the bathroom?"  She nodded.  I looked up.  Debbie was doing a
diaper, again.  "Debbie, she has to go..."

***
10:22 10 Mar

     I paid as much attention to Debbie and Erica as I could,
considering I was diapering Marie-Ann on the counter at the same time.
More Awful, too.  Eeeyugh.
     It seemed pretty simple; mostly, what Debbie was doing was removing
clothes, and watching her to "make sure she did it right," whatever that
meant.

***
10:26 10 Mar

     "Yeah, I think I've got it for next time."  She nodded, and turned
around to leave.  "Debbie?"  She turned back halfway and stopped,
keeping at least one eye on the kids.  "I know I'm not much help, I'm
sorry, It's just I've never done this before."
     She looked back at me, and grinned tiredly.  "I know, hon, but
you're helping, really.  It's a lot different than dolls, anyway."
     "What?"  That made no sense to me.
     She screwed up her face, then admitted, "I have no idea why I said
that, never mi-"  There was a thud, as of a small body hitting carpet,
and we both started out of the bathroom at the same time.

***
10:29 10 Mar

     I wiped antibiotic ointment over the carpet burn, and dug in
Debbie's first aid kit for a gauze big enough to cover the red spot.
Bethy just screamed.  Nothing new.
     "Well, you're picking it up pretty fast, anyway," Debbie mentioned
as she gave Erica a bottle filled with juice.
     "Huh?  Oh."  It took me a second.
     "I thought you didn't like blood," she said, sitting next to me and
Bethy, settling Erica in her lap.
     "Other people's doesn't bother me like mine does," I told her, and
shrugged.  "Oh, uh, not to be gross, but speaking of which, how's your,
uh, monthly going?"
     "Oh, uh, jeez."  She chuckled tiredly.  "I forgot about it."

***
10:31 10 Mar

     *Diaper number eight, I think.*  I'd lost track already.  Something
about Stella sort of caught my attention, and when I looked around for
it, I realized, that I hadn't seen a naked girl-girl, like pre-puberty,
in maybe ten years, before today.  And I don't think I'd ever seen one
this small.  It was... strange.  And I'd just noticed what I'd been
looking at.
     I shrugged, and went back to wiping her off.  *Funny,* I thought as
I gently made sure she was dry and clean for a moment longer, *it used
to be such a big deal, and here it is, and... so what?*  It didn't seem
like such a big thing, to make such a fuss over.

***
10:34 10 Mar

     Debbie came back out of the bathroom, this time by herself.  "Feel
better?" I asked as I played with Stella the same way she'd played with
Tommy.  I don't think Stella had the brains that Tommy did, though.  She
just kind of stared at me and the teddy bear like she had no idea.
     "Uh," she mumbled, then spoke up, "Some.  Sort of.  Better than
Friday, anyway."  She bent down, and picked up Marie-Ann, and brought
her over to the couch, snagging something stuffed that I couldn't tell
what it was.  "Nee nee nee nah noo?" Debbie asked Marie-Ann, waving the
toy in front of her face.  Marie-Ann giggled.
     "I wish I could teach Stella to do that," I sighed.
     "She's a bit young yet," Debbie informed me.  "Nee nah nah noo noo
nah?"
     I looked down at Stella.  "She's silly, isn't she?"  She seemed to
agree with me.

***
11:32 10 Mar

     Things had almost settled into a routine, of sorts, with the
toddlers glued to the television, Debbie playing dolls with June, and me
playing Trouble with the two boys.  And the occasional break for
changing, of course.  Amen for Sleepytime Station.
     Then Debbie screwed everything up.  "Val?"
     "Mmmm?"  She pointed to her watch, and then to her mouth and made
chewing motions.  "Oh no... again?"

***
11:38 10 Mar

     The older ones had utterly rejected sandwiches.  The younger ones
had a combined dietary listing that seemed like it excluded everything.
And it was time for another few batches of formula.
     "Oh jeez, oh jeez," complained Debbie as she stared in despair at
the pantry.  "Why did Bethy have to be allergic to wheat?"
     "Here, Deb, you watch the formula stuff and I'll figure something
out."  She gave me a look which said, you?  "My brother was allergic to
wheat when he was growing up, and I remember the stuff he ate when he
was little because it was so bizarre..."
     "Like what?" asked Debbie and Ricky simultaneously.

***
11:43 10 Mar

     "Let me taste?" Debbie asked.
     "Sure."  I handed her a piece of Ants-On-Log.  She took a bite, and
made a face.  "Weird," she mused.
     I shrugged.  "They seem happy with it," I mentioned.  Bobby dropped
one on the floor, peanut butter side down, of course.  "In fact, the fun
never stops," I said, more sourly, as I reached for a paper towel.
     Debbie snorted, and shifted Marie-Ann to the other side of her lap.

***
11:56 10 Mar

     More eggs, down the hatch.  Omelettes were apparently new enough
that they worked twice in a row.  I wasn't going to count on three
times, but hopefully we wouldn't be here that long.  And, the scraps
went to the toddlers.
     "Thanks for helping," I told the older ones.  "You really did us a
favor."
     "Can I have some more?" asked Ricky, and June held up her plate and
nodded.  Mark was still chowing down, but he looked up like he was
trying to make sure that he was included, and mumbled something, eggs
falling out of his mouth.
     "Mark!" Debbie and I both complained at the same time, and the
other two turned to look at him, to see what he'd done.

***
12:23 10 Mar

     "God..." mused Debbie as she wiped the last of the peanut butter
out of Bethy's hair.  "It always amazes me, how much mess they can make
out of so little food."
     I turned around so I could keep nursing Tommy and talk to her.  "My
dad always said that little kids, like her, they don't actually digest
food.  They absorb it through the skin.  So it's like no use to try and
get it in their mouths, they get just as much nutrition out of it if you
let 'em put it all over their bodies."
     Debbie sat back, looked at Bethy long and hard, then back at me.
"You might be right about that," she grinned.  "It'd explain a lot."

***
13:04 10 Mar

     The conversation had gotten more and more strained, and we kept
catching each other looking around, worried.  But neither of us could
figure out what was wrong, right off.
     Then it hit me.  "Oh, God," I moaned as I shot up with Tommy, and
dropped him in his car seat.  "Where's the old ones?"

***
13:05 10 Mar

     Ricky looked up from the comic book on his bed.  "I dunno."
     Big help.  But, one down and two to go...

***
13:06 10 Mar

     I saw the light on in the master bath, and beat Debbie there by a
foot.
     Inside, Mark and June had been playing with Mrs. Parker's makeup, I
guess.  Or having a fight with it, because there was colored powder
everywhere, and it smelled worse than one of my sister's slumber parties
with all the "scent" in the air.  The two of them froze when we appeared
in the doorway, and everything stopped for one of those long moments.
     Debbie choked, then started forward.  I managed to catch her and
get a hand over her mouth.  She kicked me a few times, well, a lot, but
I held on long enough to tell the two of them, "Debbie's kind of upset
that you made such a mess, and didn't ask Mrs. Parker before you played
with her makeup.  I think you'd better help clean up-" which is about
the point Debbie got my instep, and I had to let go and concentrate on
not saying things I didn't want the kids repeating to their mothers.

***
13:07 10 Mar

     "Okay, Mark first, then June, and I'll-"  Debbie's orders stopped
suddenly.  That was a bad sign.  I looked around.  Mrs. Parker was in
the doorway, and her eyebrows had gone up under her bangs.
     Another long moment of paralyzed silence, and then my treacherous
mouth said, "Um, we didn't expect you for a while longer."
     Debbie whirled around, with murder in her eyes, and I was about to
make a leap out the bedroom window, which I figured offered me the best
chance of survival, when Mrs. Parker started to laugh.  Debbie whipped
back around, dragging Mark with her, and froze.  I just froze right off.
So did June.
     "Um, I guess I'll go downstairs and watch the other kids for a
while?" my mouth suggested again.  This time, I stuck my hand over it to
shut it up.
     Mrs. Parker laughed harder.  The only thing she managed to gasp out
was, "Pictures...!"

***
13:08 10 Mar

     "No, ma'am, just a couple of minutes, and there they were."  I
sighed, wondering how much this was going to cost us.  Debbie, I knew,
hated losing money on a deal; much, much worse than I hated bleeding.
The shock might kill her.
     Mrs. Parker wiped her eyes.  "Well, these things happen," she
sighed, and giggled.  "Um, well, I guess everything is going about as
well as expected," and then she had a giggle fit.  I sighed in relief,
which was a mistake because I inhaled a much too large dose of Bethy's
diaper odor.

***
13:10 10 Mar

     She'd left, with Debbie's film in hand, saying she wanted prints
before the rest of the mothers "left" for the day.  I sighed, and took a
couple of kids upstairs to see how Debbie was doing.  Besides, Erica
hadda go 'gin.
     At least Debbie would get the negatives back.

***
13:12 10 Mar

     "You're sure?"  Debbie didn't believe me.
     "I'm pretty sure, Deb!  She was having problems trying to keep from
laughing, and she said it wasn't a problem."  I shrugged.  "I dunno,
maybe she thought it was funny or something."  I didn't understand it
myself.
     "So you're sure she wasn't mad."
     "I'm sure!"
     Debbie rubbed her forehead in anguish.  "Oh, God, I hope so..."

***
13:21 10 Mar

     An unhappy looking, slightly damp Mark sat down on the couch, as
far away from me as possible.  I bit my lip to keep from laughing at
him.  He looked so pitiful.  On the other hand, I was cleaning up awful
again, this time from Marie-Ann, so I wasn't too sympathetic to anyone
right then.

***
13:36 10 Mar

    "Hey, just in time for snacktime," I mentioned as a too damp Debbie
and a slightly damp June came back in the kitchen.
     Debbie reached out a hand and intercepted Erica's attempt to make
applesauce on Bobby's head.  "Oh, boy," she mentioned.

***
14:19 10 Mar

     "Naptime," Debbie sighed.  Quietly.
     "God's gift to young mothers and babysitters," I toasted, and we
clinked cokes.  Quietly.
     "Can I have-" June started in a voice which, at that particular
moment, had an extreme resemblance to a braying donkey.  Maybe it was
just us.
     "SHHHHH!" we both hissed so hard that she shut up instantly.
     "If you wake the little ones up," Debbie said quietly, "you'll have
to take another bath.  Any of you."
     June's eyes got big, but not half as big as Mark's and Ricky's.
"Me too?" Ricky gasped, so quiet I could barely hear him.  We both
nodded at the same time.
     It was a quiet time.  It was a blessed time.

***
15:28 10 Mar

     We both heard Erica complaining at the same time, but by the time
we made it in there, they were all awake.  Debbie sighed.  "It's always
too good to last."
     "Now you have to take a bath!" all three of the little demons
yelled from the living room.
     "You know, I could go for that," Debbie mentioned.  We were both
quiet for a long time, though nobody else was.  Thinking about it.
     "Better not," I finally sighed.  Debbie sighed too.

***
16:19 10 Mar

     I thought I was going to make it through the whole day without
having to change, but I got in a hurry, and forgot to put one of the
drip rags over my shoulder when I was burping Bethy.
     I knew I'd made a mistake when I heard the sound, even before I
felt the warm, heavy sensation of fresh baby puke on my shoulder.

***
16:22 10 Mar

     "Happens to the best of us," Debbie grinned at me, taking Erica to
the bathroom again.  "That's why-"
     "I know, I know," I grumbled.  As if that would make me feel any
better.
     "Well, go rinse it off in the sink then throw it in the laundry,"
she said.  "Along with the other stuff, ugh."
     "Ugh," I agreed.

***
16:39 10 Mar

     "Am NOT!" shrieked Mark.  Ricky just stuck out his tongue, and
Mark hit him.  That, of course, started the two of them on each other.
     I stood there, holding Stella, and wondered if I should actually
do anything.  I mean, theoretically, the answer was yes, but I was
getting tired.  And frankly, I sort of approved of SOMEone beating up
little Ricky for making fun of a boy wearing makeup, but if I did it, it
would look bad.
     What a dilemna.

***
17:05 10 Mar

     Debbie kept looking at her watch, when she had the chance, and it
was making me nervous again.  "Would you stop that?" I finally begged.
     She gave me a look, which contained twenty minutes of nervous
screaming at each other, in one stunning glance, and got up.  "C'mon,
let's start cleaning up, sort of."
     That, of course, must've been the signal for everyone in diapers to
go before their mommies got back.  Because they all did, I think.

***
17:11 10 Mar

     "Jeezus," I mentioned, as Tommy looked up at me and tried to find
a last few drops in his bladder to mess up another diaper.  He couldn't.
He looked mildly annoyed that he was empty.  Or that he couldn't have
another go at peeing in my eye.  Debbie had taught me that trick before
it happened, though.  Thank God.
     "What?" Debbie asked.
     "I got in here this morning," I told Debbie as I got up and put him
back in the car seat, "and didn't know anything, and now I'm almost as
fast as you."
     She looked up, and had an evil Debbie sort of grin on her face.  I
was glad to see it - it meant she was feeling better.  "Wanna race?" she
challenged.
     I snickered at her.  "Oh yeah, not!  I DID get a little smarter
today...."

***
17:14 10 Mar

     "What's that?"
     Debbie put the large jar by the door, and just showed me the sign.
     The sign was a piece of cartoon art, which had someone who looked
remarkably like Debbie except about forty pounds thinner - she looked
like a poster child for anorexia - and an anxious look on her face, and
on top it said, "This IS my day job!"  And on the bottom, for the
clueless, it said, "Gratuities appreciated."

***
17:19 10 Mar

     We looked at each other.  There was no need for words.
     They were late.
     After a minute, Debbie lightened up, and rubbed her fingers
together.  Late charges, her fingers said.
     But, can we last that long, me pulling my hair asked.
     You'd better or you'll wish you had, her fist said.  Besides,
there's other rewards in this besides money, her eyes and smile said.
     Like what, my eyebrows asked, while my lips said, I think I can
guess.  Not in so many words.
     Erica added, "Gah go NOW!"
     "What are you doing?" asked Ricky.
     "They're making faces like yours 'cause you're so ugly," June shot.
The dryer buzzed counterpoint to the instant argument.
     And everything was back to normal.

***
17:24 10 Mar

     I was in the middle of changing yet another diaper when we all
heard a key in the lock.  There was a moment of surprise, then all the
kids erupted before the door even opened.

***
17:39 10 Mar

     "Well, you girls did a fine job today," said Mrs. Parker as she
wrote a check out.  "I was a little skeptical when there were only two
of you, but you seemed to handle everything..."  She trailed off as she
concentrated on writing.
     "We're sorry about the makeup," Debbie said apologetically, "but-"
     Mrs. Parker shrugged it off.  "Those things happen, all you have to
do it turn your back for a minute.  And it's not as bad as it could have
been.  Most of what they got was old stuff anyway."  She snorted, and
rummaged in her purse.  "Which reminds me..."  She pulled out a Fox
Photo envelope.

***
17:47 10 Mar

     The last of the kids left, except for Ricky and Stella, who lived
there.  I dunno about Debbie, but I breathed a sigh of relief when the
door shut.
     "Val?" called Debbie from the dining room.  "C'mere for a second."
     "What's up?" I asked as I walked in.  I could wait to carry trash
bags of diapers outside.  In fact, if anyone asked, I could wait quite a
long time.
     "Well," started Mrs. Parker, "I could really use someone to help
tomorrow, I wanted to start on the spring cleaning."
     "And I'm busy tomorrow with consults," Debbie added.  "Would you
like it?"
     "Tomorrow?  Uhm..."  I thought about it.  "Like how many kids?"  I
wasn't too sure if I liked the idea of babysitting my spring break away,
but the money was worth considering.
     "Just the two," Mrs. Parker smiled, "Patrick and Stella."
     I glanced at Debbie, but before I could ask her, she subtly showed
me six fingers.  Six bucks an hour.  Which was rather more than Debbie
had guessed I'd make today, watching five kids, sort of.
     "Um, sure, I, uh, I'd like that," I said, looking Mrs. Parker in
the eye.  "Um, I just gotta ask my folks first, to make sure, but I
think they'll say okay."  I snorted.  "My dad likes the idea of me
supporting myself."  He did, but it sort of conflicted with his twisted
belief that children were placed on this earth for slave labor like
dishes, doing laundry, cleaning house, mowing the lawn, raking leaves,
shovelling snow, digging postholes, and so forth.  If I was working for
pay, I couldn't be doing those things for free at home.  Then,
sometimes, he had to do it instead.

***
17:52 10 Mar

     "How much?"
     Debbie finished counting the wad of bills from the tip jar before
she said anything.  When she looked up, she looked a little stunned.
"One hundred and twenty for the contract, twenty dollars late fee, and
sixty-seven dollars in tips."
     "Two hundred and seven dollars?  That's..."  I paused for a second
and stared at the roof of her car.  "That's almost ten dollars an hour!
Each!"  I sighed.  It was a lot, and yet, I had to deal with an awful
lot of shit to get it.  Literally.
     "How do you do that?" she asked, slipping a calculator back in
her purse.
     "Do what?"

***
17:56 10 Mar

     "Wanna come over for dinner?" she asked.
     "Uh..."  I thought about it.  "Oh, why not?  Your mom can go to
the bathroom by herself, anyway.  Can't be any worse."
     Debbie hit me on the shoulder when she could let go of the
gearshift.  But she giggled while she was doing it.

***
18:17 10 Mar

     "Hi Mom!"  "Hi, Helen."
     Helen looked up.  "Well, hello girls.  I guess you survived the
party today."
     Debbie groaned.  "Just barely... Val did real good, though."   She
rotated her neck.  "Could we take a shower before dinner?  I feel
nasty."  Come to think of it, so did I.  Must be psychological residue
from all the baby crap and puke.
     "Sure, dinner's still warming, just don't take too long, alright?"
     "We won't.  See ya in a bit," waved Debbie as she dragged me to her
room.

***
18:21 10 Mar

     "Do my back?" she asked, and handed me the soap.  So I did her
back.
     "You know," I mentioned as I was scrubbing and she was making happy
noises, "I feel kinda like we should be doing something.  But I'm too
tired."
     After a minute, she commented, "Me too."  She turned around and
gave me a long, wet, slippery kiss.  "That's to show I'm not completely
disinterested."
     I sighed happily, and just stood there, holding her close for a
long time.
      Finally I realized we'd been there a while, and that I still had
the soap in my hand.  "Do my back?" I asked.  She looked up, and made to
push away, but I clinched against her, and put the soap in her hand.
She grinned, pulled against me, and started scrubbing hard.  It felt so
good...

***
18:32 10 Mar

     "Feel better?" Helen asked as we came back out of Debbie's room, in
fresh clothes and makeup.
     "Yessss," we both sighed happily, and Helen laughed.
     It was even good to be in a dress, as long as it was clean and had
no taint of small children on it.  Which this one was and didn't.

***
19:21 10 Mar

     "No, no," I protested, "it was great!"
     "Mom, don't worry, you're a good cook," added Debbie.
     Helen shrugged and rolled her eyes.  "I just threw it together, it
wasn't-"
     "Yes it was!" we both chorused.  "So what DID you put in there?" I
asked.
     Debbie waggled her eyebrows at me, and intoned, "Family secret."

***
18:46 10 Mar

     "Stay a while?" Debbie asked.

***
19:17 10 Mar

     Just watching TV with Debbie was nice.  It was even more so, of
course, after today.  We didn't have to jump up once.

***
20:41 10 Mar

     "Val?  Valerie, come on..."  Someone shook my shoulder.
     "Nnn?"  I sat up and blinked for a while.
     "I think it's time for you to go home, kiddo," Debbie smiled.
     "Nnnnnn!" I protested, having gotten comfy and warm leaning against
her.

***
21:24 10 Mar

     "Well, I guess," Dad sighed.
     "Great, anyway, I am like so tired," I waved as I walked off.  For
some reason, I felt really strange talking to Mom and Dad, knowing I was
wearing Debbie's clothes under mine.  "G'night!"

***
21:28 10 Mar

     "Valerie has two, new, messages."
     I sighed.

***
21:29 10 Mar

     "...So anyway, give me a call, okay?" said Jack's voice.  "Talk to
you later."

***
21:30 10 Mar

     "Valerie, huh?" said Mike.  "Expecting a hot date or something?"
He laughed.  The bastard.  "Well, anyway, if you see Tucker, ask him if
he's free at all this week, or are you dragging him around town again?"
More laughter.  "Anyway, later."

***
21:32 10 Mar

     "Hello?"
     "Hey, who's this?"
     "Um," I cleared my throat.  Not like I was nervous or anything,
haha.  "Valerie?"
     "Oh, hey, it's Jack, whatsup?" Jack asked.
     I took a deep breath.

***
21:35 10 Mar

     "Okay, I'll pick you up then, okay?"  Jack sounded way too happy
about this.
     "Okay."  Something hit me.  "Um, I might not make it out on time,
so if it's too long, don't worry, just take off, okay?"

***
21:38 10 Mar

     "Where ya gonna be tomorrow night?" I asked Mike.
     "Um..."  I heard him shift the phone.  "Dunno.  Prob'ly here or at
Dan's house.  Hey, you wanna-"
     "Can't," I cut him off.  "Got another babysitting thing, and I
don't know how long it's gonna last."  I didn't really want to tell him
that Jack wanted to talk with me.  "I just wondered where you were gonna
be in case I needed a ride home or something."
     "Well, what about Wednesday?"
     "Maybe, okay?  I might need a day in the mental hospital or
something.  I forgot what babysitting was like."  We laughed.
     "Oh, God, what ever made you agree to DO that again?" he asked.
     I chuckled, a little.  "Oh, Debbie, Debbie's instinct for profit,
you know.  You wouldn't believe how much we made today.  We got gypped
last time, man..."
     He changed the topic.  "You know, you're in trouble."
     "What?  Why?"
     "'Cause she can talk you into anything."
     "Not ANYthing.  I have my limits."
     "Like what?" Mike asked.
     "Um."  I wasn't too sure any more.  But I was sure I had them.

***


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"Tallyho!"      \   /     @>--,--'--  ehayes@nym.alias.net  + vicki .sig
Ellen Hayes --=(*)=(*)=-- Renaissance Woman    ==[--------  + virus 9.1a
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