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Tucked Up Beyond All Recognition -*- Copyright 2000 by Ellen Hayes.


Any resemblance between the writings in this work, and any actual
persons or places, living or dead, are purely coincidental, except when
used for satirical purposes.

This work contains adult situations, adult language, adult concepts, and
possibly sex.  If you are legally not allowed to read materials
containing such things, then you will be breaking the law by reading
this.  I am not responsible.
Continuing to read this document, or storing it or reproducing it
in any format means that you explicitly affirm that you are legally
allowed to possess and read such materials in your city, county/parish,
state, and country.

All rights reserved.  See the bottom for distribution rights.


Tucked Up Beyond All Recognition


***
12:50 6 Jun

     I had to admit, Jack's rule seemed like a good rule of thumb to go
by.  "So," I said, turning back to Dobson, "do you have a girl's name-"
     "Femme name," Jack and Sheila said at the same time.
     I bit back my sigh.  "Okay, a femme name you use?  That I should
use, I mean?"  I tried a smile, and saying, "I don't mind kowtowing, but
calling you 'sir' when you look like that seems a little silly."
     He actually chuckled at that.
     And my body hair actually didn't go up when he chuckled.

***
13:04 6 Jun

     "Thank GOD," Debbie gasped as she saw me, and grabbed her purse.
"I thought I was going to starve to death!  What took you so long?"
     As soon I got close enough to her, I grabbed her arm and whispered
in her ear, "Talking to the new PRINCIPAL of our high school, is what."
I let go, and she looked extremely surprised.  I hoped I hadn't looked
like that when I found out, but I probably did.  "Your idea, remember?
And it took a LONG time to talk about, uh, things."

***
13:08 6 Jun

     "And, um, we're supposed to call him 'her' when he's dressed like a
she-"
     "Well, duh!" Debbie snorted.
     "Hey, _I_ didn't know for sure, okay?  So... and, 'she' goes by
Betty when dressed like that."
     Pause.
     "Betty?" she gasped eventually.
     "I swear to God," I shot back, and crossed my heart.  "Betty
Dobson, she showed me her nametag and that's what she registered as.  Or
under."  This place would be perfect if you ever had to switch
identities, I'd realized.  No one bothered to worry about real names or
anything like that, so you could get away with claiming almost anything.

***
13:29 6 Jun

     I was, unbelievably, running low on CD disks.  "Where am I gonna
find another hundred of these?" I asked rhetorically as I counted the
ones I had left.  "Maybe two hundred."  Fifteen were not going to last
real long at this rate-
     "Find what?" a deep voice asked above my head, and I managed not to
crash dive for safety.  I was feeling kind of nervous after lunch.

***
14:34 6 Jun

     "Because, Deb, I'm sure I can trust her..."  I was careful to use
the 'right' pronouns, now, after Jack got done lecturing me alongside
Dobson.
     "But WHY?" she asked again.  "You've never even SEEN her-"
     "But I saw her driver's license and her address," I said.  That
stopped Debbie.  "Which means," I continued, "that if I don't get back
disks and a receipt and cash, or all my cash back, that I'll make sure
to extract it in jewelry and other personal belongings."  That wasn't
all of it; Darla was a geek, I could tell, and geeks could almost always
be trusted on errands like this.  I wouldn't give her any passwords I
knew, or my home phone, but then I hardly ever did that anyway.

***
14:41 6 Jun

     "You know what's really strange?" Julia asked me, looking around.
I almost choked on my soda before I could spit it back in the can and
start laughing my ass off.

***
14:42 6 Jun

     "Um, no, what?" I finally remembered to ask.
     She rolled her eyes at me, but she said, "I'm not the only kid-of-
a-crossdresser here.  There's a half dozen others."
     "Nobody we know, is it?"  *Please Goddess, no more!*
     "No!" she said as she crossed herself.
     We sat in silence for a minute.  I don't know what she was
thinking; I was just happy that it wasn't anyone we knew.  I'd had too
much recognition already today.
     "I'm tired," she announced, in a voice that sounded like you could
bottle it and sell it as 'Essence of Angst.'
     "Me too," I agreed, and put an arm around her.  She snuggled into
it, and that's how we were when Debbie saw us.

***
14:44 6 Jun

     "Come on, kids," Debbie said from above us, "back to the salt
mines."
     "Awwww," Julia and I both complained as we sat up.  "Do I have to?"
I added.  At least Julia could go to her room to take a nap if she
wanted.
     Debbie nodded at me.  "Yes, because we are making SO MUCH money!"
she spiraled up into this tiny squeak.  "So much money!" she repeated in
this mouse's voice.  "How much have you made?" she asked in a normal
voice.
     I had to shrug and admit, "I'm not sure.  Lots."  I'd gotten to
where I was having to double-check everything I was doing, because I was
running the camera and the scanner and the printer almost continuously,
and all of it was billable.  To someone else.  "I lost count about
eleven."
     "You?  Lost count?"
     I shrugged.  She smiled at me, and kissed me on the lips.
     Julia huffed, and Debbie and I both turned to look at her, and I
guess we had the same idea, because I smiled at Julia, like 'You want a
kiss too?' and the next thing I knew she was running away shrieking.

***
15:29 6 Jun

     Darla handed me the packs of CD's, the disk envelopes, and the
receipt, and the change. I peeled out a ten and handed it back to her.
"Thanks a million," I said sincerely.
     "But I only get ten?  Can I change it around and get ten thanks and
a million bucks?" she grinned, and we both laughed as she put the bill
in her purse.  "Thanks a lot."
     "No, thank YOU," I corrected her.  "I'd have no idea where to find
them in town, and I hate driving in LA."

***
18:09 6 Jun

     "Valerie?!" finally broke through my concentration, and I looked up
at Debbie.  "Come on, we have to go upstairs and change for dinner."
     "Why?"
     "Because."  She sure was unsympathetic for someone who was in a
coma the day before.  "Now, come on, and pack everything up.  You can
work on it later."

***
18:34 6 Jun

     "You could wear that white dress, the one we went to dinner in,"
she suggested as she draped herself across my shoulder.
     I twisted my head around and kissed her.  "Do I have to get dressed
at all?"
     She laughed.  "I don't want to pay for room service, and we already
paid for dinner tonight with the rest of the conventioneers.  'S'part of
the registration fees."
     I sighed at that.  If it came down to either having dinner in a
ballroom full of weirdos, or staying in the room with Debbie and
starving... well, I could always lose a pound or two.  And with the
profits today, _I_ could afford room service.  Unfortunately, she was of
the opposite opinion.  I mean, I could kind of understand that, what
with the way they were all flinging money at us; be nice to the
customers and all that.  On the other hand, the ones that weren't
single had been married for ever already; none of them were as young as
me and Debbie, and we hadn't had time to get tired of sex yet.  At least
I hadn't.
     I hoped Debbie hadn't.
     I started to worry about this until she grabbed me and kissed the
hell out of me.  I guess she saw something in my face or something.  I
felt lots better about lots of things when she let go.
     Except getting dressed and leaving the room.  Which she was still
intent on doing.
     "Besides," she whispered into my ear, "I promised I'd do Julia's
and her dad's makeup before the dinner."

***
18:37 6 Jun

     "Well you look nice," Julia lied to us as her and her parents came
in.
     "So do you," I said, still holding on to Debbie's hand.  I never
ever wanted to let go of her.
     "You REALLY look good in dressy black like that," Debbie added to
my comment.  Julia did, too; she looked older and really awesome, like
not only did she look good but she looked smart and witty too.  I don't
know how a dress could make her look like all that, but it did.
     And, of course, her makeup was only going to make it better.  As
soon as Debbie did it.
     "Don't you need to get ready?" Debbie mentioned to me, in a not-
really-a-hint voice.  I sighed, and grabbed the dress and some hose and
went to the bathroom to shower and get dressed.

***
18:57 6 Jun

     When I finally came out, Debbie and everyone else was done, and
Julia looked a lot better than when she had come in.  Debbie was still
working on Julia's dad.  Debbie looked at me, and smiled, so I smiled
back.

***
19:04 6 Jun

     The elevators were extremely crowded - I wanted so bad to take the
stairs, but the heels sort of restrained me - so it was a long time
before we finally made it downstairs.  Stinky, too.  I had never been
exposed to this many perfumes fighting it out for dominance before.
     Julia's dad, going by the name of Robin, looked a lot better too,
just like the last time Debbie had done his makeup.
     I'd wanted to take my laptop, but Debbie had almost exploded over
the idea.  I tried telling her that a 'banquet' had very little to do
with dinner, and a lot to do with speeches and awards and general
blather, but she wouldn't listen.  I gave up when it looked like she was
going to turn psychotic on the matter.
     Finally, the elevator door opened and I got out, along with Debbie
and everyone else, but I had to hug the wall and sneeze several times,
and capillate some of the water out of my eyes before I could continue.

***
20:10 6 Jun

     The speechmaking had started, even before I'd finished dessert,
like I was afraid it would.  I thought Debbie was going to kick me or
something, because I know I was looking smug, but instead she just got
up suddenly, with her purse.  I scrabbled for mine and followed her, as
did Julia, and after a few minutes we were all in the bathroom together.
Well, Debbie had gotten a stall and locked us out, but we were as close
as we could get besides that.
     "Is she okay?" Julia asked me quietly, but all I could do was
shrug.  We checked our makeup and talked a little about nothing in
particular, until Debbie finally came out of the stall, looking ill.
     "Deb?" I asked, more than just concerned.
     She looked up at me, and started to cry.

***
20:18 6 Jun

     Her period had started.
     And, she hated herself, and it hurt, and lots of other bad things,
so Julia and I had taken her back up to our room and then I'd set Debbie
up with a hot bath and the other stuff I could think of, and helped her
get undressed and into the bath.
     She sighed as she listlessly splashed water over herself.  "Oh,
God, Val," she said, sounding like she was about to start crying again,
"All I wanted was to come here and have some fun with you, and my damned
FUCKING pussy decides that RIGHT NOW I've got to bleed, and I fucking
HATE IT!" she screamed.  "I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT!" she screamed
more, until she was crying so hard she couldn't scream any more.
     I wriggled in as close as I could with her, holding her.  "Deb,
Deb, it's okay, alright?  It's enough just to be with you, we'll have
other chances, right?  There's even other conventions, if you want to do
it again, and then we'll have even more money, right?"

***
20:56 6 Jun

     We'd finally made it to the bed, after the Midol had started
working - some; apparently it never worked that well for her - and she'd
picked up the phone and dialed room service.  I'd almost choked when I
heard what she ordered, though; half a bottle of rum and a two-liter of
Coke, plus extra glasses.  I had enough sense not to say anything until
she hung up.
     "You think you can get that?  Don't you think they'll check ID's or
something?"
     She gave me a sick smile.  "Not with the convention here, and not
with the way I look.  Even Mom says I look ten years older when my
period starts."
     That started her crying again.
     I was beginning to hate her period myself.

***
21:31 6 Jun

     She shut the door, holding the tray, and smiled in triumph.  "See?"
     I had to shrug.  "I never would have thought..."  She sighed, and
sagged, and I just managed to catch the tray before it tipped over.
"Come on, Deb, back on the bed."

***
21:48 6 Jun

     "I just hate this, I mean, we're supposed to be out having fun,"
Debbie sobbed into my arms, "and I don't even want to walk!  It's not
FAIR!"
     "I know, I know," I said softly, rocking her.

***
22:38 6 Jun

     She'd finally cried or drunk herself to sleep, and so I was all
alone in the room.
     I sighed, and went to shower and change.  This wasn't really what
I'd had in mind either.

***
06:00 7 Jun

     The shrill screaming of the phone woke us both up, but she was on
the phone side of the bed, and she must have been more used to phones
with ringers, because she got it before I figured out what was going on.
"Okay, thanks," she said, and hung up.  "Wake up call," she explained to
me.
     "Oh, no, not again," I groaned.
     She closed her eyes in a grimace of pain.  "Don't do this, Val,"
she almost whispered.

***
06:08 7 Jun

     She'd poured herself a hair-of-the-dog rum and coke, and I'd had a
sip before I got down to the important task of brushing her hair out.
It seemed to help; I guess she liked being mothered when she was sick
too, even though technically she wasn't 'sick'.
     I guess it helped me too.  I hated not being able to help her, and
if I could do anything at all, even if it was tiny, to help her out, it
seemed like I almost had an obligation to do it.

***
06:47 7 Jun

     Debbie smiled at me sadly.  "Val, you need to get dressed too," she
reminded me gently.  We, and I do mean 'we', had been so busy getting
her ready for the day, I'd forgotten that I had to do the same things.

***
07:06 7 Jun

     We looked at me in the mirror.  Debbie had rejected my idea of me
wearing scrubs too, so we really didn't look like we matched, because I
was wearing this business suit Debbie had brought, gray with a pink
blouse underneath.  I looked a lot more done up than she did.  I guess
it was okay, though.  I did look pretty professional, I guess,
especially with a bit of Debbie's jewelry.
     It was also a little strange, being taller than her, because of the
low heels she'd insisted upon.
     "Good enough?" I finally asked.
     She nodded, and gave me a little kiss on the cheek.

***
07:12 7 Jun

     "Is that all?" I asked her, pointing at her breakfast plate.  All
she had on it was fruit, and not much of that.
     "I TOLD you I don't feel good!" she snapped.
     "Shit, sorry!" I gasped in surprise.
     She took a deep breath with her eyes closed.  As she let it out,
she opened them again and looked at me.  "Sorry, Val, I really hurt this
morning."
     "I'm sorry," I said again calmly, like I meant it this time which I
did, and she nodded silently.

***
07:34 7 Jun

     "Hi guys," Julia said as she came closer.  "Debbie, are you feeling
any better?"
     "Not really," Debbie smiled gamely at Julia, and nudged a chair
with her foot.  "Hava seat," she suggested.
     Julia sat down, but nobody said anything for a while.

***
08:19 7 Jun

     I helped Debbie set up again, and it was a lot faster the second
time around.  Or it would have been, if she wasn't in pain like she was.
I had to do a lot of hers as well as mine, and it was a good thing I had
some idea of what she'd been doing or I would really have messed things
up.

***
09:29 7 Jun

     "And there's your disk!"  I handed the older 'woman' the floppy
containing her image files.  "It will be readable by any computer made
since the Mac Plus, including Windows 95."
     She stared at me for a moment, then said, "I need a computer for
this?" in an accusing tone.
     *Oh, shit.*  This was one reason I'd stopped working at Dad's ISP,
because he didn't need any more sysadmins, just customer service.  And
people like this were far too common.
     "You didn't tell me I'd need a computer for this," she added, like
the laptop and all the cables weren't sitting right in front of her
face.

***
10:41 7 Jun

     I shredded the plastic on the second- *No, this is the third one,*
I realized as I pulled the disks out.  I was glad Darla had found
envelopes too, though some of the customers had complained mildly about
not getting plastic jewel cases.  I ignored that.
     Once Debbie had gotten going with the makeup, she seemed to perk
up, at least if you didn't know her.  I had known her for a long time at
this point, and I could see that she was just going through the motions
in a way.  She masked the pain really well, but she was still hurting.
     I just wished there was something I could do for her.

***
11:19 7 Jun

     Francheska came up to me, but I didn't even notice her really for
almost five minutes, as I kept trying to satisfy this complete bitch
customer with my camera shots.  She kept moving, and then she'd complain
that it was her bad side or that it was blurred or something.  I finally
had to hold her head where I needed it and be rude to get her to hold
still.
     Finally, I had the five she wanted, but she wanted multiple prints
of all of them PLUS a CD, and I was about to dis-satisfy my first
customer when she walked off after giving me my 'instructions'.  I
almost threw a shoe at her.

***
11:31 7 Jun

     "Hey Deb," I mentioned as her most recent customer gave her money,
which she made disappear with close to her customary speed.  She turned
around and asked the question with her eyebrows.  "Francheska, here," I
pointed, "said that there's a group of under-thirties going out dancing
and clubbing tonight, so's to avoid the Sock Hop after tonight's
'banquet'."  I hadn't been impressed with the food, either.  I'd made
better, and so had Debbie's mom.  "You wanna come along?"
     She sighed, and leaned against the table.  "Not tonight, I think."
     "Sorry," I said as I turned to face Francheska again, "she's-"
     "You oughta go, though," Debbie said.
     "What?  Without you?"
     Debbie nodded like she was serious.

***
11:43 7 Jun

     "Look, I'm just saying, you ought to go out and have a good time,
is all.  Just because I'm having my period doesn't mean you have to stay
in and miss all the fun."
     "Deb," I protested, "I like being with you!  Even when you're like
this, I want to be with you.  And it doesn't seem right to just run off
when you're like this-"
     "Damnit!" she snapped.  "Why aren't you listening to me?"
     "What?!"

***
11:58 7 Jun

     I felt bad, because it really did seem like Debbie was trying to
get rid of me, but she was serious enough and persistent enough that I
finally agreed to get dressed up for dinner, and then go out dancing
without her.
     I didn't want to, but I didn't want to argue any more, more.  If
that makes any sense.  And we'd argued for a long time, which seemed
really unfair, since all I was trying to do was tell her that I wanted
to be with her, even when she wasn't 'being fun.'  She didn't seem to
get that part.

***
12:04 7 Jun

     "Yeah," I told Julia, pulling the sleeves down on the jacket and
smoothing my skirt as we sat down, "I don't know what her deal is, but
that's what she said.  She was really insistent."
     Julia shook her head.  "I don't know myself, but you know her
better than I do.  And if she said that's what she wanted..."  She let
the rest fade out.
     "Anyway, you want to come?" I asked her.  "And help keep me out of
trouble?"
     "Me?"
     "Duh, did you think I was asking the vase of flowers?"  She kicked
me under the table, which I guess I deserved.  It still hurt, though.
     As I was trying not to cry out in pain, I saw Francheska looking
around with that familiar 'new-school-cafeteria' look, so I waved to her
until I got her attention, then beckoned her over.

***
12:19 7 Jun

     "I just can't believe how friendly everyone is," Francheska told us
in her deep voice.  It wasn't unattractive, just deeper than it looked
like she should have, if that makes any sense.
     "They can be pretty cool," Julia agreed, and I nodded.

***
12:56 7 Jun

     I looked at my watch idly, then remembered that Debbie was waiting
for me to get back so she could have some time off.  "Oh, jeez, gotta
go," I told the girls, and got up.  I dug some money out of my purse,
and dropped it on the table.
     "Deb?" Julia asked, and I nodded, before I took off.

***
13:03 7 Jun

     Debbie just held on to me for what seemed like the longest time.
Finally, I whispered in her ear, "Is there anything I can do to make it
easier or better?"  She just shook her head.
     Finally, she let me go and sighed.  "I think I'm gonna go upstairs
and lay down for a bit," she told me.  "Make sure I'm up at two, okay?"
     "Sure, Deb," I agreed.

***
13:41 7 Jun

     "But how do I print them out on my computer?"
     I sighed, and tried to explain the 'intricate' four steps required:
Open graphics program, load file from disk, select 'Print', collect
paper version of picture.

***
13:55 7 Jun

     I hadn't seen Debbie yet, so I finally got everything set for a few
minutes, found Julia and got her to watch the booth, and ran for a
phone.  It took me a little while to find out how to call a room, but I
finally got it and called.
     It took six rings, but she finally answered.  "WHAT?" she screamed,
and I almost dropped the phone.
     I finally ventured, "Deb?"
     "Sorry," she mumbled, and hung up without saying anything else.

***
14:02 7 Jun

     "I'm sorry," Debbie's voice came from behind me.  I turned around,
and she looked vaguely apologetic.
     "That's okay," I said, though I was still kind of pissed off.
     "I had to take a bath," she explained, "and I think I got ten
minutes of sleep in, and then you called.  I'm sorry I yelled at you,"
she said again, and then just looked miserable.
     "Oh, Deb..."  I got up and hugged her.

***
14:28 7 Jun

     "Are you sure this will work on a Macintosh?"
     "I'm very sure," I said.  "As long as it has a CD-ROM drive, this
will read."  I wasn't that sure, because the odd CD-ROM couldn't handle
the CD-R disks, but if it could handle that, then the ISO disk format
would work.  Of course, trying to explain 'it should' and 'unless
something goes wrong' just led to more grief than I needed and they
wanted.

***
15:17 7 Jun

     Debbie beckoned me over, so I told the latest customer to stay
there for a second and went to go talk to her.  She was smiling, which
was a good thing, so I asked, "What's up?"
     She pulled me close, and whispered, "I just cracked two thousand,
net profit!"
     "You did?"  She nodded.  "That's fantastic!"  She nodded again.
     "How are you doing?"
     "Um.  I dunno," I finally admitted.  "I just keep putting it in the
cash box."  Debbie's contribution, plus the fact that she said she'd put
all the income through her payroll and take out the taxes and stuff so I
wouldn't go to federal prison.  Not that a minimum security place for
tax evasion would be that bad; but I figured, the one thing they
WOULDN'T do was let me have a computer.  "It's getting full, though."
     She smiled, and whispered, "I'll count it tonight for you, if you
want."
     "But I can- oh, wait, you're making me go dancing," I said,
remembering.
     It must've been the tone in my voice that set her off, because she
pushed me back and snarled, "Look, I'm TRYING to be nice, damnit!"
     "Deb, chill!" I pleaded.  "Not here," I whispered.  *Not in front
of the customers...*
     She gave me this nasty glare, then turned away.

***
18:04 7 Jun

     I finished up the last disk and handed it to the last customer of
the day.  "There ya go!  Standard format, should read in any decent
computer CD player."
     "What's a decent one?" she asked as she took the disk.
     "Anything four-speed or better," I pulled out of the air.  "If you
don't have one that fast, then you should go get a more modern one,
especially since the prices have dropped recently."  I didn't know for
sure that the prices had dropped, but it was computer parts; prices
always dropped.

***
18:24 7 Jun

     We'd finally packed up and gotten a baggage cart, and we were done
for the day.  "Sheesh, I think they got dumber today," I mentioned to
Debbie as I pushed and she pulled.
     "Yeah, you were having problems today," she agreed.  "I guess all
the smart ones came by yesterday."
     "I guess... I had more people yesterday asking me what I was using
and how well it worked and what was I using for hardware and all that,
and today it was all the Windoze crowd."  I sighed.
     "I thought you liked computers," Debbie said.
     "I do!  What I don't like, is having to explain things to people
who don't know what a 'double-click' is.  It's not THAT hard, jeez."
     "Is that why you're not working for your dad this summer?"
     I put a finger on my nose.  "Got it in one."  I chuckled.  "At
least you don't have to explain where eyeliner goes," I said.
     "You obviously weren't paying attention," she complained.

***
18:31 7 Jun

     "Are you sure, Deb?  I really like staying with you," I mentioned
again.  I didn't mind going out with a bunch of people any more, but I'd
always rather be with Debbie.
     "I'm sure," she said, and waggled the bottle of rum at me.  "This
way, I can sleep, and I don't have to try and be nice to everyone at
dinner.  And, we don't have to worry about doing it again tomorrow, so
we can sleep in."
     "We don't!?  Thank God!"  I'd thought we did.
     She smiled at that.  "Now go on and get dressed.  I've got
something you can borrow, if you want to look good for dancing," she
said, before she winced.

***
18:34 7 Jun

     "Go on, Val," Debbie insisted, pushing me away from her.  "You need
to get ready, and I want to lie down for a while."
     "Deb, really, I-"
     "GO!" she yelled.

***
19:02 7 Jun

     I looked at her, lying on the bed in her robe, and sighed.  I
didn't want to leave her, especially not like this.
     "Come on, Val," Julia said from the hallway.
#
     "See you later, about two, okay?" Debbie said.  "Have fun."
     "I'll try," I said, and I shut the door, but the last thing I saw
was her wince in pain.

***
19:06 7 Jun

     "Can I sit with you?" Francheska asked me and Julia.  I looked at
Julia.
     "Sure, why not?" Julia asked, sounding puzzled.
     Francheska shrugged.  "I dunno, I just... I mean, there's not that
many people here my age, and I thought I could..."  She trailed off.
     "Sure, come on," I said, and Julia nodded.

***
19:09 7 Jun

     Jack had caught us as we came into the ballroom and directed us to
the 'hometown crowd's table.  So it was me and Julia, Robin and Bonnie,
'Betty' Dobson, Jack and Sheila, and Francheska, plus one person I
didn't know.
     "Where's Debbie?" Dobson asked, and so I had to explain why she was
up in our room.

***
19:11 7 Jun

     "That really sucks," Jack mentioned, and I nodded.
     "Who's Debbie?" Francheska asked, and everyone looked at me.  I
sighed.

***
20:18 7 Jun

     I didn't have dessert tonight, so I was ready to go when the lights
came on and someone turned on a microphone.
     "Time to go," I mentioned to Julia and Francheska, and got my purse
and stood up.

***
20:20 7 Jun

     "Well, they said they weren't leaving until ten," Francheska said
apologetically as Sheila and I worked on our makeup in the bathroom
mirror.
     "Ten?" I protested, then I remembered the van.  "Oh, hey, Deb gave
me the keys to the van she rented."
     "Do you know where they're going?" Julia asked.
     Francheska looked upset, so I guessed the answer was no.  "Well," I
put in before she could start apologizing - she was the apologetic type,
I guess you could say - "we can either find a place ourselves, or you
can find one of the people that's going and ask them."

***
20:26 7 Jun

     "I can't find anyone, I mean I looked-"
     "Shhh," Julia commanded, and Francheska shut up.  *Thank God.*
     "Well.... do you think the convention staff would know someplace?"
Sheila mentioned.

***
20:40 7 Jun

     None of the official staff knew of a popular place, but someone's
kid did, and so we now had a destination and a map.  I was glad I'd
gotten a map of L.A. before we left home, because she could mark out a
route for us on it.  As long as I didn't lose it...
     "So do we go now?" Francheska asked.
     "I need to change first," Julia mentioned.
     "Why?" I and Francheska asked at the same time.
     She pointed at herself.  "This is for a nice dinner, not dancing.
I gotta go upstairs and change."

***
20:46 7 Jun

     "Hey, what about this?" I mentioned, and held up a nice black
dress.
     "Damn, why is it over there?" Julia mentioned, and I tossed it to
her.  Catching it, she said, "You kids hang out for a minute, I gotta
change," and she went into the bathroom, leaving me and Francheska and
Sheila alone.  Well, I guess three of us wasn't really alone.
     "Well, I got time to redo my makeup, anyway," I decided, and went
to the mirror over the dresser.
     "Do- why?" Francheska asked.
     I thought she was kidding at first, until I looked at her.  "Fran,
like Julia said her dress was for dinner not dancing," though I
disagreed, "this makeup is for dinner, not dancing too.  It's got to be
dark in the club, and you have to add more to stand out, or you look
pale and dorky.  Even the Goths go heavier on the eye makeup and stuff."
     "Yeah," Sheila agreed.  "Come on, we'll show you."

***
21:13 7 Jun

     We'd moved down to Sheila's room after Julia came out, and we were
all playing around with her makeup, because she had almost as much as
Debbie's 'normal' toolkit except it wasn't all one brand.  And she had a
bigger selection of clothes than any of us had brought, because she'd
driven to L.A. with Jack.  I'd almost spit when I heard that, but it had
to be true, by the amount of stuff she had all over the room.
     And if it wasn't for the strange layout that said 'hotel room', I
could've sworn I was with the Pack, messing around at one of the
sleepovers.
     "Hey Val, try this on," Julia said, tossing a shapeless blue bundle
at me.

***
21:45 7 Jun

     "You look so weird like that," Francheska mentioned.
     I guess I did look sort of unusual, because I'd had Julia paint
'racing stripes' or tribal stripes across my face; two starting in the
middle of my hairline, down across my right eye, down my cheek, and
around my neck to disappear down the back of the dress, and the other
pair of stripes started in the middle of my left cheek, pointing at my
left eye, and curved down in an S-and-a-half around my jaw and down the
front of my neck and down the front of the dress.
     "On the other hand," Julia mentioned, "with the stripes, nobody'll
notice that her hips are too thin."
     "Fuck YOU!" I protested, feeling my hips were far too WIDE.

***
22:04 7 Jun

     "Come ON!" I shouted at Sheila, who seemed desperate to add another
layer of makeup.  "MarINES, we are LEAVING," I insisted, and she finally
cursed at me, dropped whatever it was into her purse, and came out of
the room.

***
22:19 7 Jun

     We'd finally found part of the group that was going - 'ten o'clock
sharp' was a farce, as usual; I don't know why I worried - and I'd
updated my map, found where Debbie had hidden the van in the parking
lot, and we were off.
     A few moments' tuning found a love song on the radio, and in a few
moments more I'd cranked it up and Julia and I were singing to it.
     "You're the meaning in my life,
      you're the inspiration.
      You bring feeling, to my life!
      You're the inspiration," Julia and I sang at the top of our lungs.
     "When you love somebody,
      'til the end of timmmmmmmeeeee...
      When you love somebody
      always on my mind
                  no one needs you more than I"

***
22:26 7 Jun

     "'Cause every girl's crazy for a
      Sharp!
      Dressed!
      Man!"
     "Allllright," Julia rumbled, while I laughed.  While we all looked
sharp indeed, there was about one set of female genitalia in the whole
van, which is what made it so funny.

***
22:49 7 Jun

     We'd finally made it through the traffic - does smog make people
psychotic after long exposure? - and found the place, and Julia and I
had secured Francheska as she had another crisis of confidence.  We each
had an arm around her waist and Julia and I were singing Madonna as we
walked through the parking lot.  Francheska wasn't singing, but at least
she was walking with us.
     "MMMMMmmmmmmmmmm, somethin's comin' over,
      MMMMMmmmmmmmmmm, somethin's comin' over,
      MMMMMmmmmmmmmmm, somethin's comin' over meeeeeee,
      My baby's got a secret," Julia and I sang, in tune, as we tossed
our heads back and forth to the tempo.

***
23:05 7 Jun

     I thought we'd never make it through the line and get in, but we
finally did.  Julia took charge and said we were all underaged, and they
charged us more than twice what they charged Sheila and Jack.  I'd
thought I was getting screwed for a long time at clubs, but this was the
first time I'd seen it for real, and I was kind of pissed.
     On the other hand, the two cops hanging around at the front door
gave me the clue to not whine about it.
     Luckily, I'd brought two hundred dollars, so paying wasn't the
usual agony.  *I'm gonna have to do more of these conventions,* I
decided as I collected my pittance of change for the three of us.

***
23:07 7 Jun

     *I guess,* I thought, *that this is like the Gay Cafe, except for
dancing.*  It sure looked like the same two guys kissing in front of us,
anyway, but I never paid that much attention.

***
23:22 7 Jun

     Some guy I'd never seen before was apparently interested in one of
us, because he'd joined us in the little cluster on the dance floor.  He
seemed particularly interested in actually dancing with me, to the retro
tunes, which I knew far too well, so I danced right along with him.
They were playing some old Michael Jackson song, from back when he was
still black, but it was good to dance to.  This guy could move, too.

***
23:57 7 Jun

     "Reynold!" he yelled, and offered his hand.
     "Valerie!" I yelled back, and shook his hand.  "Julia," I pointed,
"and Fran!"  I pointed the other way, and Francheska smiled nervously.
     "I like your stripes!" he yelled, and smiled at me.
     Unlike other times, I didn't feel that nervous.  He was a black
guy, shorter than Jack but a bit taller than me in heels, and he was
trim but not really buffed up, and just really really friendly without
being pushy.  He kind of reminded me of Book, if Book-man had been on
steroids and Valium simultaneously.

***
00:08 8 Jun

     Julia handed me a compact, and I looked and froze.  The stripes
really were glowing a nice Cherenkov blue under the UV.  "WOW!" I
finally shrieked, and bounced up and down.  Julia just shook her head at
me, and mussed my hair.

***
00:12 8 Jun

     The coke was refreshing, but hardly enough, of course.  Which is
why I'd bought two at once.  Heh.  This having enough money could get
very addictive very quickly.  I tossed the dead one in the trash and
followed Reynold and everyone else outside, into the marginally cooler
night air, and relative quiet.

***
00:14 8 Jun

     Julia tapped me on the shoulder and I leaned over.  "I think he's
figured out Sheila and Fran, at least," she whispered in my ear.
     "What?" I said out loud, and everyone looked at me.  "Nothing!" I
told all of them.  They didn't believe me, but it was sort of a formal
declaration anyway; I didn't expect them to believe me.  I turned my
head and whispered back, "Are you sure?"
     She nodded, then turned my head so she could speak in my ear again.
"It's just a feeling, but I've seen this with Robin before."
     It took me a few moments to remember Robin was her dad, or an
avatar thereof, anyway.
     "There's, I dunno, some kind of look," she continued quietly.
     "What do we do?" I asked her.
     She looked at me like I was stupid.
     I returned the look.
     Finally, she leaned over and told me, "Look, does he look freaked
out?"  I checked, and no; he was still having a good time with everyone.
Fran looked freaked out, but I didn't think that was because of anything
he'd done, except talk to us.  That all by itself would be enough to
freak her out, because she was just too nervous.  "No, he doesn't," she
told me in case I'd missed it.  "So I guess he's interested in one of
them or something like that."
     "He what?"
     She closed her eyes and shook her head slowly.  Beckoning me up,
she got her purse.

***
00:18 8 Jun

     "Look, stupid," she said in a normal voice once we were 'safely'
inside the women's room.  "Haven't you ever run into a guy that was
interested in, you, before?"
     "Not that, I mean, not that KNEW," I shot back.
     "What about Travis?"
     "He doesn't know!" I protested.
     "Are you sure?"
     "Hell no I'm not absolutely sure, what am I supposed to do, ask?
'Oh excuse me have you figured it out yet?'  But I don't think he did-
and what the hell does this have to do with anything anyway?"
     She shook her head again.  "Val, some guys, especially the kind you
find in clubs like this, they know what to look for, and they're
interested in T's."
     "In what?"
     She put her hands up to her face and rubbed.  "Val, I swear,
sometimes you have no clue...  Look, we're here at a T convention,
right?  So," she continued without waiting for the answer, "that's what
to call the collective of 'em.  My POINT, though, was that if he figured
it out, he obviously knows more than you do about it, and he's not
scared or freaked or anything like that if he's still talking.  Did you
notice he's talking more to Fran than he is to me?"
     "Sort of?" I lied, trying to absorb what she was saying.

***
00:23 8 Jun

     He was definitely interested in Fran, but since Fran wouldn't dance
with him - what was wrong with her? - that part was left to me.  And I
was completely surprised by this not.  At least he was a good dancer.
So was Jack, for that matter; him and Sheila and Julia were rockin' all
over the dance floor with me and Reynold.

***
00:37 8 Jun

     I wish I knew the words to describe breakdancing, but I don't.  I'm
sure they have words somewhere, but me and Mike and the rest of the guys
had just done it, and that's what I was doing now, just doing it.  It
was harder in heels than it had been in sneaks, though.  Reynold was,
not surprisingly, better at it than I was managing, but he had the right
shoes and no skirt to worry about.

***
00:58 8 Jun

     They had water, which was good, and it was more water than they
would put in the tiny little coke glasses but didn't cost any more,
which was even better.  I drank one right at the bar, and had another
one to sip on as we went outside again.  I might have been steaming, but
I don't think I really was.
     I ended up next to Fran as we walked outside to the patio, and so
it was easy for her to tap me on the shoulder.  "Can I ask you a
question?" she asked.
     "Sure."
     "Is, is he, is," she pointed at Reynold, "is he-"
     "Me and Julia think he is," I said, guessing what she was trying to
say.  "Interested in you, I mean.  Do you think he's cute?" I teased
her.  Her eyes got really wide in shock.

***
01:15 8 Jun

     "Anyone want to dance some more?" Jack asked, with an evil grin.
"Or are you all too tired?"
     "Yeahright," I snorted, and stood up.

***
01:47 8 Jun

     I was greatly enjoying a slow dance on Reynold's shoulder, because
I needed the break, and Jack didn't look like he was going to slow down
before the sun came up.  In fact, I was trying to remember if I'd ever
seen him in daylight - vampires were supposed to have remarkable
endurance - when a hand spun me around and off Reynold.
     "What the FUCK do you think you're doing?!" someone yelled at me,
I thought, as I did the Dance of Lost Balance trying to keep from
falling.  When I finally stopped and got upright and turned around
again, Reynold was on the floor and this little flit was shrieking at
him.
     "Hey," I protested, and when whoever-it-was kicked Reynold, I moved
towards them.  "Hey, leave him-"
     "And YOU, bitch!" the flit screeched at me, and swung at me.  I
blocked it without using much of my brain - I was a little too amazed.
"You stay away from him, CUNT!"
     "Wha-" was all I had time for before a fist appeared before my eyes
and I went down.
     My nose hurt a lot, and in a moment I noticed the protective hand
I'd placed over it was wet.  I looked, and even in the dark flashing
lights of the club I could see blood.
     My blood.
     There's two ways I can go when I'm bleeding; I never react calmly
to it like Mike does.  The usual way, if it's an accident or a friend
does it, is for me to get really pale, really sick, and maybe pass out.
     The other way, when it's someone actually trying to hurt me and I
don't like them, is for me to completely lose my mind.  Like the time in
seventh grade, when someone who hated me had deliberately grabbed my arm
and slammed my face into a brick wall in the stairwell.  When I found
out my nose and face were bleeding, I found the fucker running down the
stairs, and so I jumped down most of a story in order to kill him.  He'd
broken my nose and cheekbone, and it was lucky there were a few
witnesses around, because the asshole's father tried to put me in jail
for attempted murder.  I'd managed to break my fall by landing on him
and broken both collarbones and some other shoulder bones, and I was
busy attempting to simultanously strangle him and beat him to death with
my forehead when a half dozen kids pulled me off.
     That had, for a long time, ended attempts to beat me up in person;
people had taken to attacking my possessions instead, or gone in for
psychological abuse.
     So when I noticed that this person was kicking me hard in the ribs
like he'd been doing to Reynold - I'd already had ribs broken just this
way once in my life already, and I didn't like it the first time - I
grabbed his leg, heaved as I rolled on my shoulder, and kicked up as
hard as I could in his direction.  I felt something crunch before I
pulled them back and kicked the guy's legs out from under him, and I was
ready to get on top of him and do some serious hurt when Jack grabbed me
up and held me in the air.

***
02:51 8 Jun

     At least my nose wasn't broken.  A paramedic had made sure of that
in a very un-nice fashion, by wiggling my nose.  I'd said some things
which could have landed me in jail, but they were gracious enough to
ignore them.  I guess my apologies after he'd let go had something to do
with it too, but it had really hurt.
     The cops who were in the club busted it up before the flit got back
up or before I could get loose and finish things, and Reynold informed
us for the first time that this was an ex-boyfriend who had not a lot of
sense about what 'this relationship is over' meant. Apparently, said
ex-boyfriend had seen me dancing with Reynold and decided I was a rival
he'd heard about, and some combination of drugs had prompted him to get
physical about it.  The paramedics said I hadn't done any permanent
damage; I was smart enough to conceal my dismay.
     The club bouncers hadn't been quick enough to stop things, but they
had seen him swing the first AND second punch, which let me completely
off the hook, which is why I wasn't in the back of a squad car.
     Of course, starting a fight, being a public nuisance, public
intoxication, intoxicated minor, a couple of vials of meth, and a few
outstanding problems meant that he probably wasn't going to be a further
problem for a while.  HE was in a squad car... and noisily protesting it
too.
     My nose and ribs hurt, and I wanted to go home, which was where
Debbie was.

***
03:43 8 Jun

     I'd gotten a couple of aspirin, but they weren't doing much for the
pain when I finally made it to the door of our room.  Jack and Julia had
tried to talk me into a soda or something downstairs in the lounge, but
I wanted to go to bed.
     As I tried the keycard in the door, it opened.  "Oh, you finally
made it," Debbie snarled.
     "Deb?  Weren't you sleeping?"
     "Oh, I tried," she purred.  "But about two, I started wondering
where the hell you were.  Where the hell have you been?"  I could smell
rum in the air; it seemed to be coming from her.
     "Deb," I started to explain, "we went to this dance club-"
     "We?  Who's 'we'?"
     "Me, Julia, Fran, Jack and Sheila, remember?  We were going out
dancing-"
     "You were supposed to be back earlier!"
     "Do what?"  *What is she on?*
     "It's almost FOUR in the MORNING!" she yelled angrily.  "What the
FUCK are you-"
     "Deb, wait!"  I was desperate not to wake up the floor and have to
talk to security.  The cops had already made me nervous as hell.  "You
don't understand-"
     "The FUCK I don't!" she shrieked.
     "Wait," I said, trying to keep my voice low, and touched her arm.
"Deb, let's-"
     I had intended to gently push her back into the room, shut the
door, and then talk with her.  I don't know what she was thinking I was
going to do, but she screamed, "You FUCKER!" and swung at me.
     I was so tired that I didn't think about her actually slapping me
in the face, which is why I didn't duck.  And when she hit my very
tender nose, that had just been nearly broken, everything flared into
motion; I had no idea what I'd done.  Then my brain screamed *NO!*
But it was too late.  "Oh Jesus, Deb, I didn't mean-"
     She was sitting on the floor, looking stunned for a moment.  Then
she REALLY screamed. "GET OUT OF HERE!"  I took a step forward to help
her up but she pulled away from me like I was something evil, and just
kept screaming, "DON'T YOU TOUCH ME!"
     "But Deb..."
     "GET AWAY!"  I had never heard her scream like that.  It was scary.
I took another step back with my hands up as she stood up and suddenly
she yanked the keycard out of the door slot and slammed the door shut.

***
03:50 8 Jun

     "She just wouldn't open the door, she HIT me," I sobbed into
Julia's shoulder in the lounge.  It felt like my insides were being
ripped apart.
     "She's just drunk and upset," Julia told me quietly.  "She'll get
over it.  We'll just wait for her to calm down, and then we'll go
upstairs and talk to her and tell her what happened, alright?"
     "She wasn't even listening!"
     "Shhhh, I know, I know..."

***
04:22 8 Jun

     I'd finally calmed down, and Julia and Jack had talked me up until
I felt like I had a chance of dealing with Debbie.  They even walked me
upstairs and to our room for support and as witnesses.
     I started to sweat when I saw the door was open.
     All her stuff was gone.
     She'd left an envelope with a receipt, for the money in the
cashbox, which was also gone.  It also had a plane ticket and five hundred
dollars in it.  I didn't care.
     Debbie was nowhere.
     Shortly after I realized that, I wasn't anywhere either.

***


There's a black cat caught in a high tree top
that's my soul up there
There's a flagpole rag and the wind won't stop
that's my soul up there

I have stood here before, inside the pouring rain
With the world turning circles, running 'round my brain
I guess I'm always hoping that you'll end this reign.
But it's my destiny to be the king of pain...  - The Police


Distribution:
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Permission is given to redistribute this by electronic
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MESSAGE header to the END PGP SIGNATURE footer) is distributed, and
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Archiving is permitted provided no fee is charged for access.

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+ ==[--------   Ellen Hayes   @>--,--'---      ellen@barkingduck.net +
PGP DH/DSS keyfing: 33D4 156A AE39 53E2 0313  6714 2878 56A8 61B0 9CDC
+ http://www.barkingduck.net/ehayes -=[1990]=- vicki .sig virus 11.4 +


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