-----BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE-----

Hard Tuck Case -*- Copyright 2001 by Ellen Hayes.

Any resemblance between the writings in this work, and any actual
persons or places, living or dead, are purely coincidental, except when
used for satirical purposes.

This work contains adult situations, adult language, adult concepts, and
possibly sex.  If you are legally not allowed to read materials
containing such things, then you will be breaking the law by reading
this.  I am not responsible.
Continuing to read this document, or storing it or reproducing it
in any format means that you explicitly affirm that you are legally
allowed to possess and read such materials in your city, county/parish,
state, and country.

All rights reserved.  See the bottom for distribution rights.


Hard Tuck Case


***
17:04 29 Jul

     "NOOOOOO!" all three of them yelled firmly.
     "Please-"
     "We're hav-"
     "We'll be good!" David begged.
     "We will!" echoed Gary and Ricky, several times.
     I hated children, I decided.
     On the other hand, if they had enough energy to whine like that,
then they still had some to burn off, and-  I checked my watch and it
was indeed right after five, which meant that if we waited a while
longer we could avoid some traffic, too.
     Kids with lots of excited energy trapped in a car that was stuck in
traffic would be A Bad Thing.  And I didn't need any more Bad Things
today.
     "Okay," I sighed, and got cheers that I didn't believe.

***
17:07 29 Jul

     "Where ya goin'?" Mike asked me as he saw us picking up our stuff.
Or maybe it was the boys running in holding patterns around me that
caught his attention, I dunno.
     I said, "Gonna go run some more energy off the kids before we go
home, and I'm kind of tired of hanging here."  I decided not to mention
Gina, since I didn't even know if she'd recognized me or not.
     "Okay, then... call me when you get home, okay?  I'll page you when
we're back in town.  Just so I know."
     "'Kay," I agreed, and nodded, which almost made me fall over, but
Mike caught me as a precaution.
     "You might," he added as he bored into my eyes, "also want to think
about going home soon and sleeping, before you collapse?"
     "Yeah," I agreed again.  "On the other hand, if I have to have all
three kids trapped in a Suburban in five o'clock traffic, I'm gonna
berserk and kill everyone I can reach."  Travis chuckled and nodded.
     "That would be bad," Mike agreed.  "Just don't take too long after
that."  He turned to Travis and said, "She needs rest, man.  Don't keep
her out all night or she's going to melt down.  As in Chernobyl.  TRUST
me on this," he said, staring at Travis.
     "I will.  Or, uh, won't..."  Travis looked confused.  "I'll make
sure she gets home early," he decided.
     "Good."  Mike clapped me on the shoulder, waved to Travis, and then
walked off.
     I looked at Travis, who was looking at me, and smiled back at him.
"Wanna go have some more fun?" I asked.  He just smiled, and offered me
his hand.  I took it, but I had to put it on a stroller handle because I
couldn't compensate for the asymmetrical thrust if I didn't.

***
17:20 29 Jul

     "White Water Canyon," I said as we got off the little train.  "To
the, uh, left."  They went that way at high speed, and I sighed and
went to catch them.  Stella burbled from the front of the stroller,
where I'd put her when I decided the risk of me passing out and
squishing her was a little too great to chance.  Besides, she was
absorbing mass as the day went on.

***
17:41 29 Jul

     "You want to play games in the arcade?" I repeated, not sure if
they really meant it or if they were just torturing me.  "But we could
do that in a mall at home."
     "And when do you ever take us to a mall?" Gary asked.  I thought
about throwing something at him, since I was too tired to catch him,
then decided that I was too tired to throw something hard enough to
hurt, and if it didn't hurt what was the point?
     "Shut up," David said, kicking his brother in the leg.  "Please?"
he begged me as he dodged Gary's counterattack.
     I sighed.  "Okay, okay," I agreed, and ignored the cheers again.
     "Val?" Travis said quietly.  "We can go now if you want to, if
you're that tired out."  Now I knew why he was saying it quietly.
     "Well..."  I looked at my watch.  "Let's think about herding them
to the front of the park, maybe get out of here by six-thirty?"
     "You think you can last that long?"
     I thought about it.  "Yeah, I think so."  It was just fatigue.  I
wasn't going to die of being tired if my breathing was going this well.

***
17:46 29 Jul

     "Mortal Kombat?" I said incredulously.
     "Sure, what-" Travis started to ask as I nudged him out of the way.

***
17:49 29 Jul

     "Yaaaah!" I said as I stomped Ricky completely into mush.
     "You're too good," he said as he turned away from the machine.
Moments later, he was pushing Travis into the space he'd previously
occupied.  "Youplayher!  Youplayher!" Ricky insisted, and the other two
chimed in.
     "If you want," I smiled, hopefully nicely.

***
17:53 29 Jul

     "Stooomp," I drawled as I stomped Travis, and he virtually expired.
"Wanna play another round?"  I looked at him, and he was giving me one
of those looks again, the ones where I'd done something and he couldn't
quite believe it.  "What?"
     "I wanna play HIM," Ricky insisted, and tried to bump me out of the
way.  I bumped him back and he lost.
     "Play Ricky," I decided, and inserted more tokens.
     "Yahooo!" Ricky commented as I got out of the way.

***
17:59 29 Jul

     They had a shooting game, one of the video-arcade kind that had
pistols and light sensors and was not too far off a real range
situation, except that my dad was not currently beating me with a stick
or flashing strobes at me or something.  And the input was an auto-type,
not a revolver-type, too.  I was completely torn when Travis noticed
what I was staring at, or read my mind again, and said, "Oh, go on, try
it out.  It's just a couple tokens."  And smiled at me.

***
18:06 29 Jul

     I had peripherally noticed that the small ones had clustered around
me loosely, giving me some space to work, but it wasn't until a slight
lull in the action that I looked around and saw their faces.
     Complete awe, every single one of them, including Travis.
     Then the next level started, I could sense it, and I swung back to
the screen and concentrated.  It was definitely getting harder, but I
was starting to warm up.

***
18:13 29 Jul

     I finished 'shooting' FastJack into the high score box, and was
rather peeved to find out I'd only made third on the dailies.  It's hard
to beat the park employees unless you play as often as they do, which I
hadn't been.  "Darnit," I sighed, and put the pseudo-pistol back in the
holder before I noticed I was sweating.  I turned around, and-
     And got mobbed by the small ones yelling, "THAT WAS SO COOL!" and
similar things, and then they were shaking me down for tokens to try the
same game.  Meanwhile, Stella was screaming fit to compete with the
arcade games, which was pretty impressive considering she wasn't
operating on line power.

***
18:14 29 Jul

     The kids sucked, of course.  I would have at their age.
     Travis was still looking at me funny, though, I noticed.  "What?
She's overstimulated.  In fact, let's take this outside."
     His mouth said, "What?" but I could barely hear him, so I pointed
to the doorway instead.

***
18:15 29 Jul

     Stella was now just upset, as opposed to completely psycho, which
was a sort of improvement.  She was still screaming like a banshee,
though.  I hoped that would help the kids to find us; I wasn't sure
they'd heard the instructions they'd verbally acknowledged.
     "Wh," Travis started, then he shook his head.  "That was
incredible."
     "What, the baby?"
     "No," he said like I was missing it again.  "You on that game!"
     "It was alright," I sighed.  "I've done better."  He was still
looking at me funny.  "What?"
     After a silence, from him at least, he shook his head at me, and
lied, "Nothing, I guess."
     "No, what?  Come on..."  I was feeling more tired by the second, I
noticed.  "It just takes practice, lots and lots of practice."
     "How much practice?"
     "Um..."  I moved a bit, and my neck cramped.  I might have gasped.
     "What?" Travis asked.
     "Cramp... could, uh, could you rub it?" I asked as I moved around
to where he could.  His warm hand was on my neck, and then he GRABBED,
and I almost lost my balance then as my spine shot sparks and I groaned,
"Oohhhh, God that feels good..."
     He grabbed on with the other hand and set about rearranging my
bones and muscles in a very painful and relaxing manner.  I concentrated
on standing up and not drooling.  If he said anything to me after that,
I lost it.

***
18:19 29 Jul

     "Play again, Valerie!" Gary insisted as they led me back to the
machine.
     "No!" I insisted back.  "It gives me cramps!"  And my shoulders and
arms were just about back to normal.  "Let's play pinball instead," I
suggested.  It might be quieter, too.

***
18:22 29 Jul

     Travis definitely did not suck at pinball, I was glad to note, but
neither of us were much better than the boys, so they felt better about
playing.  And it was slightly quieter there, which seemed to be
agreeable with Stella.  It worked out.

***
18:28 29 Jul

     "Dudes, I already spent ten dollars in here," I explained, "and we
have to start thinking about going home before your moms report you as
Missing Presumed Dead."
     The whining and begging started again, and I looked at Travis, who
sort of shrugged and smiled at me, like 'What can you do?'
     *Leave them here, strangle them, strangle one as an example to the
other two, race them back to the car and leave the losers...*  The
potential was almost endless.
     "Just something to eat?" Ricky asked.

***
18:29 29 Jul

     Skyline Chili seemed like a good bet, but we had to go past several
things and some of the midway games, which I thought was probably part
of their little Clever Plan.
     Travis was, though, big enough to carry me out of the park when I
collapsed from exhaustion, and hopefully that would scare them enough
that it'd be a lesson, so I agreed.

***
18:32 29 Jul

     And, gee, what a surprise, they all told me they'd die immediately
if not allowed to go on Flying Eagles.  Aki-blists were mentioned...
     "As long as I get to stay out here," I told them, and then they
rushed into line.  Luckily, David was tall enough to ride this one by
himself, so I could stay outside... and so could Travis, apparently.
     I waited a bit, and then fell into his arms.  "Oh, God," I sighed
as he caught me and cradled me.  "What a day, what a day..."
     "We can skip the food," he offered.
     "I already said we could, though, and once you say something like
that, it's more trouble than it's worth to try and get them to drop it.
I'd have to have a fit, and I'm too tired."
     "Stella's having a fit," he pointed out.
     "No good, the boys are too used to her already," I chuckled.
     "I could have a fit?" he suggested.
     "You're too big, you'd scare everyone," I smiled up at him.  "Just,
keep doing like you've been doing, and we keep herding them out of the
park.  We'll get there in a while."
     "Val..." he said.  "I don't want you to tire yourself out."
     'Too late,' I didn't say.  I said, "I'm going to go home, take a
shower, and collapse into bed as soon as we get the kids off, I think."
     We sighed at the same time.
     Pause, as I enjoyed letting his body take over warmth production
for a minute.
     "Are you sure you're okay?" he asked.
     "I'll be fine," I assured him.  I looked up at him and smiled
again.  "Besides, you didn't think that after a day at the park I'd be
much good as anything besides a dishrag, did you?"  He chuckled a bit,
so it was alright.  "Travis, I know I said tonight, but can we postpone
it until Wednesday?"  He nodded.

***
18:47 29 Jul

     The line hadn't been too bad, and I finally had a chair to fall
into and eat.  The chili was nice, too, though a little sweeter than I
liked.  And Stella had finally calmed down, thank Ghu.

***
19:08 29 Jul

     "Oh, God," I said when I got back from changing Stella, and saw the
boys, "what were you doing, swimming in it?"

***
19:10 29 Jul

     I needed to start getting the Industrial size baby wipes, because I
used the last of them getting the chili off their faces and hands.  "Man
oh man," I sighed as I finished.

***
19:12 29 Jul

     "You play basketball, right?" Ricky asked Travis as we passed by a
certain stand.
     A momentary vision of all three of them wadded up into small balls
and being thrown through the hoops consumed my mind for too long,
because when I came back, Travis was stepping up to the line.

***
19:17 29 Jul

     He was about as good as I'd expect someone who played varsity
basketball to be, which is to say 'immense'.  The kids were now making
appreciative noises at him instead of me, too, which was nice.
     "Which one do you want?" woke me up.
     "Huh?" I said, hoping for a clue.
     "Which one do you want, Val?" Travis asked, pointing at the stuffed
animals inside the booth.
     "Oh..."  I was going to laugh, or let the kids argue and eventually
pick one out  - though I doubted they would have any interest in any of
the stuffed animals - but then I caught a second look at Travis' face,
and realized that he Really Wanted To Do This.
     For me.
     "Um," I said.

***
19:18 29 Jul

     It had really soft fur, I was glad to note.  Stella desperately
wanted to drool on it, which is why it was riding on top and out of her
reach.  I didn't think she'd stop until the silly thing melted.
     I looked over and smiled at Travis, and he smiled back at me, and
put his arm around me.  I held the bear's paw and pushed the stroller,
and the boys orbited about.
     Just a normal day at the park, haha.

***
19:38 29 Jul

     I was so tired, it was an effort to get into the high seat in the
Suburban.  And I hurt all over.
     When Travis got in, though, he leaned over and hugged me, which
almost made me feel a little better.

***
20:19 29 Jul

     "Huh?" I said as I woke up from lack of motion.
     "We're here," Travis said as three kids bailed out and ran
screaming for the Parkers' house.

***
20:24 29 Jul

     Miz Parker was saying something nice to me as the kids babbled
around her, and I couldn't hear it.  "Uh huh," I smiled, and tried to
pay closer attention.
     "You look exhausted," she said.  "Go home and get some sleep."
     "Oh yeah," I agreed.  "Except, can I borrow your phone for a
minute?"

***
20:25 29 Jul

     Mike wasn't answering, so I left a short message on his machine,
wondering all the while when HE had gotten back.  I finally got done and
hauled my pager out and looked at it, and judging from the phone number
and the time code, he'd been back for an hour and a half.
     Well, at least that had gone alright.

***
20:28 29 Jul

     "Travis?"  He turned my way again.  "I am really glad we went," I
half-lied.  "And I did have fun today."
     He sighed, and sat down on the fender of my car, which creaked
disturbingly.  "I... I really wanted it to go better," he admitted
eventually.
     "Yeah, well..."  I shrugged.  Fate was fate.  "We took the kids,
they had fun, I had fun, did you have some fun?"
     "Val," he said for some reason.
     "What?  Did you?"
     "Yeah, but-"
     "So, next time we know not to take the demon children," I grinned,
"and-"
     "What about you?" he interrupted.
     "Huh?"
     "Your friends," he said.
     "Oh."  I thought about it.  "Mike's... relatively cool with it.
Kim said she was too, and I think she is.  I mean, they know me, and
they all said they weren't too surprised I ended up dating you, so...
and it's not like they're all upset or anything-"
     "Amy?" he reminded me.  I wished he would stop doing that.
     "Amy will get over it in less than a week, probably less that two
days," I told Travis.  It'd be best if I could set her off outside my
house in the next two days, anyway.  Living with someone like her when
she wanted to have a screaming fit at you, was more stressful than the
fit would be, and I wanted to get it over with as soon as I could.
"And she'll keep quiet about it, because Mike will pound the shit out of
her if she puts us in any danger, and she knows this."
     I think the blood oath had also convinced her to keep quiet.  But I
wasn't going to mention that to Travis.
     "I'm not worried about me, I'm worried about you," he said
gallantly.
     "I'll be okay," I assured him.  "I just need to get home and get
some sleep, and then see you tomorrow?  Page me at lunch or something so
I can call you?"
     He nodded eventually.  Then he asked, "Can I get a hug?"
     "Yeah..."
     It was warm and sweet.

***
20:54 29 Jul

     I really didn't want to leave him, but if I didn't do it real soon,
I was going to fall asleep in his arms.  Which was a wonderful idea, but
would cause me at least some problems later.
     I saw Travis waving at me in the rearview mirror, so I flashed my
lights at him before I had to concentrate on driving.

***
21:18 29 Jul

     "Hey, how did the trip go?" Rachel asked as I came into her place.
     "Oh boy," I sighed.  "Come up and I'll tell you about it, and don't
let me go to sleep, 'kay?"
     "He got you a bear?" she asked, pointing at the thing riding in the
top of my pack.
     "Yeah... I feel so stupid about it and so, I dunno..."
     "It's sweet," she assured me with a smile.

***
22:02 29 Jul

     "It was exhausting," I told Mom and Dad.  "Three kids and one baby,
all day at King's."  I'd cleverly hidden the bear before I came in.
     "At least you had some friends to help you," Mom pointed out,
trying to make me feel better, while Dad's eyes rolled in horror.
     "Oh, yeah," I lied, "they helped a lot.  I think I'm going to go to
bed now.  They didn't help that much and I'm dead on my feet."
     Mom insisted on a hug first, which I let her give me, because I
didn't have any choice.
     When she let go, Mom asked, "Do you know what Amy's upset about?"
     *'Oooh, yeah, Mom, she's upset that she's next to last to hear
about the guy I've been dating under everyone's noses, and you're the
last, so I'm done and now I'm going to bed.'  Not!*
     "Dunno, Mom, some girl thing," I lied.  "And you know how
irrational girls can be, right?"
     "Oh, of course," she smiled and patted my arm.  "Not logical and
rational like you, right?"
     "Right..."  That wasn't the answer I expected, and I was starting
to worry that something had gone terribly wrong and I'd missed it, when
Dad's muffled snickers gave me the clue that Mom had just been
devastatingly sarcastic and I'd missed that.  I was relieved; it wasn't
like her to agree with me so easily on anything.
     "Good thing," I said after a moment's thought, "that you're not one
of those silly irrational girls, though, innit, Mom?"  If ya can't be
the comedian, ya might as well be the straight man.
     She smiled at me, patted me some more, and suggested, "Go to bed."

***
22:05 29 Jul

     I tapped in the code to my door and it unlocked, and I went in to
find that Amy had apparently moved all her stuff out when I wasn't home.
That was a Bad Sign.

***
22:18 29 Jul

     I re-did the Band-Aids after my evening shower, which took a while
because it was hard to see what I was doing with tears leaking out.  I
managed, though.  Eventually.
     Today had just been a Very Bad Day.
     As I was brushing my teeth, Susan called from outside, "Tuck?" and
started knocking on the door.  I ignored it, and she kept knocking,
until I finally had rinsed and wiped my mouth, then I grabbed some floss
and went to go see what was bugging her.  I was afraid it was me again.
     "Tuck!" she said when she opened the door, and I saw Amy behind
her.  That would be me, alright.  "We need to talk," she told me.
     "I need to sleep," I said.
     "Oh, no," she argued, and pulled at my arm.  I was too tired to
block her before she grabbed me, and then it was too late, she was
dragging me into her room, which already held an upset-looking Amy.  The
tear streaks down her face and her reddened eyes made me feel not at all
better.  *Not NOW!* I protested silently, but it wasn't worth saying out
loud, not at this point.
     "So?" I said, plopping down on Susan's bed.
     "Amy told me..."
     *Oh, God,* I thought in despair.  *Not now!*  It was now anyway,
from what Susan was saying.  She was summarizing everything Amy had seen
and heard.

***
22:23 29 Jul

     "So?" I said again when it seemed like Susan was finished.
     "Don't just go 'so'!" Amy snarled at me.
     "Thanks for not telling anyone else," I shot back.  "Have you not
told Mom and Dad yet too, or the whole fam-"
     "Both of you, shut UP," Susan ordered, and we did.  "Tuck," she
said to me, "what's going on?"
     "You know it all, everything," I said back, trying to get my anger
under control.  "What else do you want to know?  I can't think of
anything else to add to it."
     "What do you think you're DOING?!" Susan demanded, grabbing me.
     "Trying to get out of here so I can go to sleep," I said unwisely.
     "You're not gonna do that until you explain this," she said,
letting go of me.
     "What the hell do you want me to explain?  That I did it?" I said
softer.  "Yes.  Voluntarily.  I like it, and I like him, and the, the
mechanics of it are none of your business...  What else is there?  You
want to know what he's like or something?  What his hobbies are?"
     Pause while we all glared at each other.
     Susan started shaking her head.  "How, how...  How can you..."
     "Gee, Susan," I snapped nastily, "you know, you've done it with
guys yourself, you just pull down his underwear-"
     She slapped me then, very hard, across the face.
     I thought about kicking the shit out of her, but since I had to
think about it I was obviously too tired, so I just ate it.  Instead, I
said, "Well, if that's not it, tell me what you want me to say, or let
me out of here so I can go to sleep.  I have to work tomorrow and so do
you."
     "What the hell is happening to you," Susan said softly.
     I closed my eyes and concentrated on breathing, deep and slow, as I
tried to think of an answer.
     I didn't have one.
     I managed to open my eyes for what might be the last time that
night, and said, concentrating on speaking so I wouldn't have to repeat
myself, "I dunno, Suze.  I don't know what's happening to me, I don't
know what's happening to my body.  I start going to the doctors again
when school starts, you know that.  I'd have gone before the summer
started, except they didn't want me freaking out again."  Though that
was looking like a good idea, here and now.  One of the reasons I'd
blown is to get away from everyone so I could think, and not have to
explain things dozens of times to everyone that knew me when I couldn't
explain them to myself.
     "I like Travis, he's nice, he likes me, he likes the kids," I
summarized.  "I didn't plan this, I didn't even have an inkling before
this summer, I... I don't know why I like him, but I do, okay?  What
else?"
     "But, I mean, how can you...  I mean, he's a GUY, Tuck!" Susan said
in hushed but shocked tones.
     I struggled up as I said, "If you're just gonna keep going over and
over the same thing-"
     Amy pushed me back on the bed.
     "What, are you going to beat me up because you don't like it?" I
snapped at Amy, feeling a bit of energy come dribbling in.
     Her spinal column apparently decided that that was indeed what she
was going to do, because she swung at me wildly.
     I was now a lot more awake than I would have believed possible, and
so I parried her over my head and elbowed something and she grabbed me
and pulled me to the floor, which was a dire mistake on her part.
     Unlike me, Amy could NOT keep her mouth shut when she was mad or
upset, and she was both, and the absolute last thing in the world I
wanted right then was to have to go through this same shit with Mom and
Dad after they heard her, and about the second last thing in the world I
wanted was for Brian to snigger at me and call me 'fag' for the rest of
my life.  Both of which would be triggered by her screaming at the top
of her lungs if I didn't stop it instantly, or the questions if they
heard us fighting and came to see what was going on.
     That all flashed through my head as we were falling, and then my
head hit the floor and instantly something hard bounced off it too and
that pissed me off even more, which is why I managed to lift her off the
floor, bounce her off the side of the bed, and get an arm around her
neck and get a choke hold on her.
     "Amy," I hissed as Susan stopped, unsure now whether to intervene
or not, "you calm the fuck down or I WILL strangle you unconscious."
     Amy struggled, and hit me a lot, but I kept the hold going and
ducked my head against her back and so she couldn't get a critical hit,
and very shortly she was clawing at my arm around her neck, a sign that
she was losing her mind due to oxygen starvation.
     "Tuck, let her go NOW," Susan said in a warning tone.
     I gave one last squeeze, just to make the point, and pushed Amy off
to the side, where she started gasping frantically and holding her
throat protectively.  My arm was bleeding, but I was still pumped enough
that I could ignore it for now.
     "You thought it was all nice and funny when you could drag me
around and watch me play with the baby," I snarled at Amy, "or take me
shopping for dresses and shit.  Well this is really not that fucking
different, and you ought to consider YOUR part in this before you start
something physical that's gonna get you hurt REAL bad."
     "Knock it OFF," Susan growled, pulling me backwards and placing me
on the bed and away from Amy.  "BOTH of you."
     "I will," I said back, "if she will."
     Amy just gasped a lot and stared at me, not angrily any more
either.
     "Tuck, you did whatever of your own free will, or so you keep
telling ME," Susan pointed out.  "Amy, I KNOW you were encouraging him
to do things.  You both shut up," she instructed preemptively.
     As we all stared at each other, I started to shake from the blood
or the reaction or something.  "You think this is easy for me?" I said,
"You think I'm doing this just to hurt you, or because it's fun to screw
with your head?  I'm not, I'm, I'm really confused, it really hurts
sometimes, and all you're doing is making it worse for me!"  I pushed my
way off the bed, eager- no, desperate to get away now, and told them, "I
mean, this is like the worst fucking thing that could happen now, I mean
it's, I will be killed if this gets out and I already got seen by
someone from school today, and," I swallowed, "and all you want to do is
beat me up, hurt me for the only good thing in it at all, that someone
cares for me even though I'm a goddamned freak?"
     I pushed my way up and out of there, opened Susan's door, made it
to mine and opened it and fell inside and kicked it shut before I really
started crying.  I managed to kick a wedge under the door while I could
still move, though.
     Then it was just agony and blood, all over again, everywhere.

***
22:38 29 Jul

     I was so so tired, but I couldn't decide if it was worth the risk
of lying down and letting the nightmares come in.  I knew they were
going to be of me being exposed as a fag and killed and shaming my
family, and I'd already had enough of that tonight to last me forever,
or at least until tomorrow when it would probably start all over again.

***
00:11 30 Jul

     My body had decided for me, turning my brain off when I wasn't
paying attention, and the nightmares came when my barriers were down.

***
00:16 30 Jul

     The cool night air was nicer than inside, I decided as I made my
way down the street in the shadows.
     I'd have to go back before six, but that was a long way away.

***
00:32 30 Jul

     I'd ended up at Mike's house, maybe by chance, and so I made my way
to his bedroom window and tapped on it real lightly a couple of times,
just in case he was still awake.  I hoped he was; I didn't have any
other place to go.
     Surprisingly shortly, he pulled his curtain aside, so I pressed my
face up against the window so he could see who I was.
     He nodded at me, pointed at his backyard, and held up five fingers
to tell me he'd be out in five minutes.  Then he grinned and held up
six, and dropped the curtain.
     I climbed over his fence and waited for him.

***
00:41 30 Jul

     I didn't think the old treehouse could still hold us, but it could,
barely, along with the blankets and pillows he'd brought up.  Apparently
all the rain over the years had shrunken it.  Haha.
     "Amy told Susan, they both got all over my ass tonight about it," I
told him, squeezing the pillow I'd wrapped myself around, "and, and the
nightmares came..."
     Mike nodded.  Calmly, knowingly, like he'd done this a thousand
times before, maybe because he had.
     I started to cry, then, muffling it in my hands, and he wrapped a
blanket around my shoulders and just sat there with me.

***
01:08 30 Jul

     "Get some sleep, Tuck," Mike said when I wound down to silence.
"I brought the alarm clock," he held it in front of me and I heard it
ticking, "so you can get to work on time.  I'll keep you safe."
     I held out my hands, and he locked on them, and a while after that
I was so tired I just flopped down on the pillow, pulled the sheet over
myself, and passed immediately out.

***
05:49 30 Jul

     "Tuck?" Mike's voice awakened me, eventually.  I had a vague sense
of him calling me for a long time.  "It's time to get up."
     I thought about it.
     "If you get up now, the alarm clock won't go off," he said.
     "Uhhhhh," I complained as I sat up.  I really needed another twelve
hours or so of sleep.  I also needed-
     He handed me a bottle of water before I could think of the words to
ask him for it.  I gargled and spat with most of the bottle, and then
realized I had to go to the bathroom.

***
06:03 30 Jul

     "Can I come with you to the Parkers' today?" Mike asked
unexpectedly as we pulled up to my house.
     "Why?"
     "'Cause you're still fucked up and I think you could use some
backup today, and Amy ain't gonna do it," he said matter-of-factly.
     "Uh."  He was right; I felt like I had two cases of the flu.
"Okay.  The kids are either gonna be real tired out, though, or real
pumped," I warned, "and if they're pumped they're gonna be real
assholes."
     He grinned.  "You said you were doing the self-defense thing with
'em, right?"
     I grinned back, realizing what he was thinking, and we slapped
hands, and I went to quickly get ready.

***
06:17 30 Jul

     I almost ran into Susan when I came out of the bathroom.
     "Where did you go last night?" she asked me.
     "What makes you think I went anywhere?" I asked reflexively.
     "You only screamed once all night, and you look too good to have
stayed up all night," she said back.
     I looked like shit, when I'd looked in the mirror, but she was
right; I'd have looked even worse if I'd stayed up all night after the
events of yesterday.
     On the other hand, she looked like shit too, which was odd, since
she wasn't nearly as prone to nightmares as I was.
     "Mike's," I admitted.  "We slept in his treehouse."
     She nodded.  "Look, about last night-"
     "Don't start again!" I begged.
     "I won't, shut up," she said, quietly and calmly, and completely
unexpectedly.  "I was going to say we'll talk later, but I don't hate
you, okay?  I just don't want you getting into trouble.  MORE trouble,"
she added before I could.
     "Just keep Amy off my a-"  My parents' bedroom door opened.
"-Back," I inserted, and Susan nodded to me before Mom came out, still
in her robe.
     "Good morning," she said to both of us, smiling.
     "Morning."
     "Morning Mom."
     Mom was in a huggy mood, so we gave her one each and let her go
down the stairs.
     "I'll try.  And be careful today, with the kids," Susan instructed.
     "Mike's backing me up today," I told her, and she nodded
approvingly.
     "I gotta go shower, but..."  She looked at me.  "Tuck, Eugene..."
she said softly, and reached out a hand slowly and touched my cheek.

***
06:25 30 Jul

     "Susan's calmer," I told Mike after I'd gotten in his car.  "Or on
serious drugs."
     "Good," he nodded.  "Ever notice how much cooler she got since she
went to college?"
     "Yeah, like daily almost," I chuckled.
     Pause, as he drove and I thought about sleeping on the way.  At
least there wasn't any sunlight drilling into my skull.  Days when I
felt like this, I was happier to be under clouds.
     "So what are you fixing those ungrateful brats this morning?" he
asked, startling me into re-ascending to full consciousness.
     "Huh?"  Sort of full.
     "For breakfast?"
     I thought about that.  "What do you feel like eating?" I grinned
finally.
     "Mmmmm," Mike growled hungrily, like a bear's stomach in March.

***
07:16 30 Jul

     "Tuck?"
     "It's Val when I'm wearing makeup, Mike," I patiently reminded him
as I got into his car.
     "Yeah, whatever," he said.  "HOW did Rachel come to see you
bleeding in your underwear?"
     "Uh, well..."  I didn't like thinking about that night either.
"She asked me how it went, she was home, and we were talking in her
bedroom and I went in her closet to change, and she unexpectedly opened
the door when I had the dress off.  I think she didn't mean to do it
when I was half-naked, anyway."
     "Oh," he said.
     "Oh?"
     "I just wondered what you were doing around a college girl in your
underwear, VAL," he emphasized, "It's a natural sort of thing to wonder
with you."
     "Oh," I said.
     "Oh?"
     "Shut up, Mike."

***
07:48 30 Jul

     Miz Parker was mammarily feeding Stella and Mike was looking
anywhere else.  I kept having to not look so I wouldn't laugh.
     "Anyway, would it be okay if he helps me today?" I finished.
     "If not, I can go back home and pick her up later," Mike offered,
"but she's really tired, and I think she could use a little help today.
And best of all," he gave her his best used-car-salesman smile, "it's
completely free!"
     "Valerie," she said to me, "I understand you want to see your
friends over the summer-"
     "It's not that!" I said, a bit annoyed that she'd think I'd do
something like this just to hang with him an extra ten hours.  Biz was
and had always been biz.  "He, I mean I just wanted him to help out
today, he offered, and if it's not okay with-"
     Mike tapped me on the arm, and I realized I was getting a bit
sharp.
     "Um," I said, and took a breath.  "That's why he wanted to come
with me today.  I'm tired out from yesterday, had some stuff with Amy
and nightmares half the night and I'm a little irritable."
     "Whereas," Mike inserted, "I can keep HER under control, and we can
both watch the kids and make sure they don't get yelled at for anything
they didn't actually do.  They like that," he nodded, getting Miz Parker
to nod in agreement.  "And also, with me around she won't fall asleep
and toast herself again."
     "Okay," she nodded.  "Then, thank you for coming over and helping,"
she smiled.  Mike smiled back until he suddenly realized he was looking
towards a married woman's bared tits, and hurriedly shifted his gaze out
the window again.  Miz Parker pursed her lips, and then she smiled at me
and winked and twitched her head at him.
     I winked back.  "You might have to go food shopping tonight after
he leaves, though," I added with the grin I wasn't able to suppress any
more.  "But I think I can keep him from eating the actual refrigerator
too."  I ducked before Mike swatted at my head, which meant he missed.
     Miz Parker chuckled and replied, "Well, that would be good, we just
got that one a year ago."
     "I do not eat refrigerators," Mike said in an attempt at dignified
speaking.
     "Air compressor," I reminded him of the one we'd saved up for and
bought for the purpose of airbrush painting, that had disappeared one
day and we never ever found it again.
     "That wasn't me," he insisted.  "Your sister was on a diet then,
remember?  She's the one that ate it."
     "What?" Miz Parker said incredulously.
     I let Mike explain, or attempt to explain, while I turned back to
the Death By Cholesterol I was starting.

***
08:02 30 Jul

     "You mean it's not any of that weird stuff she always fixes?" Gary
said happily, right before Ricky and David both hit him, one per
shoulder.  "Ow!"
     I sighed, and went to go find something to bang my head into for a
while.
     "Aaaht!" Mike said before I could get very far.  "No banging your
head yet.  Sit down and eat something; I know you didn't have dinner
last night."
     As I sighed again and turned around, David asked, "Was she in
trouble?"
     "She forgets to eat if I don't watch her," Mike lied.
     "I do not!"

***
08:57 30 Jul

     "Oh, man," Mike sighed in satisfaction as he finally stopped
eating.  I was wondering if he'd ever stop.  He'd gone through four
eggs, rather a lot of bacon, some sausage, some toast, half a salad I
couldn't finish, and even milk.
     If 'Breakfast Was The Way To Start Your Day', he was good to go
until Friday or so, non-stop.

***
09:38 30 Jul

     It was SO nice to watch someone else deal with the boys for a
change, and all I had to do was deal with Stella, who was drooling an
immense amount and chewing on her teething ring.  But a towel took care
of the spittle, much to her dismay.

***
10:04 30 Jul

     A sharp whistle from Mike woke me up, and I had to look around
before I realized what was going on.  "Uh," I said to indicate I was
waking up.
     "Val, it's raining," Mike informed me slowly.  "Want to go inside?"
     "Uh," I said, and then nodded.  Stella obediently came along in the
baby sling I had around my neck, which was good.

***
11:38 30 Jul

     Stella and I were practicing walking, away from Mike and the boys,
when they came in.  "Huh?" I asked.  One of the reasons I was hanging
with Stella today was that she was working about the same clock speed I
was.
     "What'cha fixing for lunch?" Mike asked.  "'M hungry."
     Pause, while my mouth hung open.
     "You're hungry AGAIN?" I confirmed, and the boys all laughed as
Mike smiled, and I realized I'd been set up.  "Ha ha ha.  What do you
guys want?" I said, predictably setting off an argument that Mike was
standing in the middle of.  I smiled at him, and he smiled back and
nodded, conceding a point to me.  The argument around his legs
continued, of course.

***
12:14 30 Jul

     They had for some reason decided on spaghetti, which was really
going to be a stretch today since I was handicapped by having no fresh
garlic or cheeses either, but it was coming along when my pager went
off.
     I thought about it a moment, as it buzzed, then asked, "Hey, Mike,
is that you paging me?"
     "Oh, yeah, I'm bored at home and wondering if you want to go to a
book sale later," he said back without taking time to think about it.
The boys laughed, which made Stella squeal in delight at sixteen
kilohertz and resonants thereof, which made Mike wince since he was
holding her while I cooked.  "Who is it?"
     I pulled it out of my shorts and looked, and I didn't recognize the
number but as I tried to, I remembered that I'd told Travis to call me
at lunch, and I was fixing lunch so this was almost probably him.
     "Oh, no," Mike sighed, and I looked up.
     "What?"
     "Call him but remember you're cooking, don't take too long," Mike
told me.
     "HOW did you know-"
     "Duh, I'm Chinese!" he interrupted, and showed his inscrutable
look.  "We can sense these things."
     "Dahm balang chi kada wang shu," I said back, which as far as I
knew meant nothing at all, but I said it with enough tonals to convey my
thoughts.   They weren't especially nice.
     "Not around the children," Mike said sternly, shaking a finger at
me.
     "What did she say?" the children predictably asked en masse.
     "Go call," Mike sighed at me.

***
12:15 30 Jul

     "Hello?" said a male voice.
     It wasn't Travis.  "Uh, this is Valerie, someone paged me from-"
     "Yeah hold on," said the voice without a pause and then dropped the
phone on something hard.
     It was only about ten seconds later that Travis said, "Val?"
     "Hey," I said, smiling.
     "Hey," he said back.  "How are you?"
     "Doing okay," I said.  "Fixing lunch for the kids.  Mike's here,
he's keeping the boys occupied for a while today."
     "Cool," he said.  "What'cha fixing?"

***
12:18 30 Jul

     "So, um," Travis said.
     "VAL!  TIME!" Mike yelled from the kitchen.  "POT'S ON FIRE!"
     I knew he was lying, because he wouldn't have been yelling at me,
he'd have been putting the fire out before we got in trouble.
     "Um, Travis, I have to go and finish cooking," I sighed.  "Call me
when you g- I mean, page me when you get off and stay by the phone,
okay?"
     "Okay, I will... what's up?"
     "I'm not sure how tired I'll be later, but call to check, okay?  I
want to spend some time with you without four children around."
     He chuckled.  "Okay.... later?"
     "Later," I said, still smiling.  And then I hung up first, just to
prove I could.  "COMING!"

***
12:19 30 Jul

     "So?" Mike asked as I came back in the kitchen, and he stopped
stirring and handed me the spoon.
     "He wants to see me tonight," I said neutrally. The boys looked up
at that, from where they were arranged in a circle sitting on the floor
with Stella in the middle, and Gary was holding her hands up and leading
her around.  "I told him to page me again later..." sort of dribbled out
as I tried to make sense of what they were doing.
     Mike asked, "Well, what-"
     "Yeah.  What are you guys doing with Stella?" I asked, a little
more concerned with something else at the moment.
     Ricky looked over.  "We're helping her learn to walk."
     I said, "Do what?"  David took Stella's hands from Gary and led her
around his part of the circle.  Stella babbled and laughed and fell down
spontaneously, and David pulled her back to her feet; and she continued
to make her way around, still highly amused.
     "Mike?"  I could guess where this originated; it had that vaguely
spooky feel about it.
     "I thought it was keen," Mike said.
     "You're weird, Mike."
     "It wasn't me blowing zerberts on her belly right after I changed
her diaper, Val," Mike announced.
     "That's different!"

***
12:22 30 Jul

     Round and round and round she goes, where she stops - falling down
for absolutely no reason at all - nobody knows...  But Stella looked
happy, and the boys were under control, and where I could watch all of
them, and so all I had to do was throw in the chopped onions and bell
peppers, check the noodles, and then stir the sauce, which I did for a
while.
     Then I sighed, and looked at Mike.  "What should I do?"
     "What?  Tonight?"
     "Yeah.  Should I see him?"
     Mike gave me a very strange look.  "He's your boyfriend," he
stated.  "Do you want to see him?"
     "Yeah, but..."
     Pause while I tried to think of what I was thinking of.  Or
something like that.
     "What?" Mike prompted.
     "I dunno, I mean...  It seems like a, I mean, it seems like..."
     Mike sighed and leaned back against a counter.  "Cough it up."
     "I would if I knew what it was, Mike," I said.  "It just seems, I
dunno, like a bad idea?"
     "What?  Talking to him?"  I nodded.  "Why?"
     "Yeah, well, I mean..."
     Pause.
     Mike guessed, "All the deal with yesterday and me and Kim and Amy?"
     "Yeah."
     "And that's already happened, right?"
     "Amy's still not talking-"
     "For the same reason.  T- Val, I mean, it already happened, didn't
it?"  I had to admit that it had.  "So... it's not going to get any
worse if you see him NOW, is it?"
     "Well-"
     "Or was that part of the reason you were dating him, is to have it
secret?"
     "No!"
     "It was just a question, Val."
     "It was a STUPID-"
     "Shut up Val," Mike said casually.  "Okay, so if that's not true,
then... why not see him?"
     "It just..."  I hated when Mike was reasonable like this.  It made
me feel stupid.  "You think I should?"
     He let out a breath and shook his head once.  "I don't really know
how tired you are, how long you intend to stay up, or what you plan to
do.  You know that better than me," he lied.  "So I can't say whether
you 'should' or 'should not' see him.  But, I mean, if the issue is
whether or not you should see him based on, on... on some vestige of
shame at being caught, or something..."  He shook his head again.  "Go
and see him, I guess.  It's not gonna make things worse at this point,
and I don't really care, as long as you don't tire yourself out."
     "You really mean that?" I asked.
     Mike took a long deep slow breath, then, and let it out.  "Val,
please don't make me shove your head in the pot, okay?  I'm hungry and
I'd rather eat the sauce on the spaghetti, than use it to replace your
defective brains."
     *Guess he means it,* I realized.
     "You wouldn't-" I started to say, and he kicked me lightly.  "Okay
okay, I'll stop obsessing."
     "THANK you," he said as he bowed.  "So when's lunch going to be
ready?"

***
12:31 30 Jul

     "You keep a list?" Mike asked, peering over my shoulder.
     "Of everything I used," I answered as I kept writing, "yeah, that
way they know what I used up and what's not there any more.  Oh, hey,
did I tell you I was gonna be working here during the year?"
     "No, you sort of skipped over that little detail," he said, and
grabbed my head and put me in a lock, which I wasn't expecting or I
might have dodged it.  "Val," he said calmly as he held my head in a
threatening position and I tried to squirm out, "you really need to
remember to mention these little details."
     "Um-"
     "Anything else?" he asked, like I knew he was going to.
     "I'm thinking!" I told him honestly.
     "Think hard," he suggested as he bumped my head into a cabinet.
     "Ow!  Uh, that cosmetology class early in the morning, you saw
that, I get out at two, uh, something in the afternoon... pick up Ricky
and Stella, she's gonna have a daytime sitter-  Um, it might be the
other way around, pick up Stella first and then Ricky-"  He tightened
his grip.  "Ow!  I'm TRYING, Mike, let go of my head!"  He did, finally.
     I stood back up and leaned against the counter, just in case.
"Um... I'm gonna be, uh," I mentioned him close for a private.
"Cooking," I said into his ear, "for the Parkers, Miz Parker says she'd
rather have me do it than do it herself."
     "No way," Mike asserted.
     "That's what she said, anyway," I said as I leaned back.  "Um...
and I'm dating Travis...  I really think that covers it."
     "Did you tell Kim that you were going to be working during the
school year?"
     "Uh-"
     "Oh, God, you are such a moron!" Mike complained as he feinted
another headlock and got me in an armlock instead and pushed me towards
the phone.  "You would lose your head if I hadn't welded it on your
neck!"  That wasn't true; he'd used epoxy and it had fallen off several
years ago.
     As if this wasn't bad enough, the kids were coming over to either
help Mike or defend me, and I'd bet money which one it was.  "Mike!  Let
GO!"  He did, and I sighed as I reached for the phone.
     "Uh uh," he said, "eat first," he said, and grabbed my arm again
and dragged me to the table.
     "You're mean," David observed.
     "Yep."  "He is!" Mike and I said at the same time.

***


Depression is anger without the enthusiasm. - local radio station


Distribution:
No part of this work may be distributed as an original work by another
person or group.
Permission is given to redistribute this by electronic means, as long as
the entirety of the work (from the BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE header to
the END PGP SIGNATURE footer) is distributed, and credit is given to the
original author, me.  And no fee may be charged.
Archiving is permitted provided no fee is charged for access.

All rights reserved.


+ ==[--------   Ellen Hayes   @>--,--'---      ellen@barkingduck.net +
PGP DH/DSS keyfing: 33D4 156A AE39 53E2 0313  6714 2878 56A8 61B0 9CDC
+ http://www.barkingduck.net/ehayes -=[1990]=- vicki .sig virus 11.4 +


-----BEGIN PGP SIGNATURE-----
Version: 2.6.2

iQCVAwUBPAi29HYDebnvyV1VAQFZeAP6Au48+rbbVoMBHikqhTk+0LlHN4ywR+iF
X0dj0Q2+4T+aKXn0sLtf7FZlp0MiGRpkBiStaDvRRTXFzPX78tUujF8o9fUzrFQQ
EB7vF3kuFPx26u1EbryrZL1St//7P9BbmJ146u98X9+qgAFcpL7v7K6G8MoWzC+h
xP5zsHstNhI=
=BeTD
-----END PGP SIGNATURE-----