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Tuck Down -*- Copyright 2001 by Ellen Hayes.

Any resemblance between the writings in this work, and any actual
persons or places, living or dead, are purely coincidental, except when
used for satirical purposes.

This work contains adult situations, adult language, adult concepts, and
possibly sex.  If you are legally not allowed to read materials
containing such things, then you will be breaking the law by reading
this.  I am not responsible.
Continuing to read this document, or storing it or reproducing it
in any format means that you explicitly affirm that you are legally
allowed to possess and read such materials in your city, county/parish,
state, and country.

All rights reserved.  See the bottom for distribution rights.


Tuck Down


***
12:33 30 Jul

     "What's with the salad?" Mike asked, pointing at the offending
greenery that I was imbibing.
     "We got, uh," I didn't want to say 'camping' in front of the boys,
having been through enough of that already.  "Uh, that thing all next
week?  No fresh stuff, remember?"
     He thought about it for a bit, and then nodded.
     "You need to come here more," Gary said, "then she won't cook all
that weird stuff."
     "You ALWAYS eat it!" I reminded him as Ricky administered some
corrective abuse.  "Shut up, Mike!" I mentioned to stop him chuckling,
but it didn't work.

***
13:21 30 Jul

     "NOW go call Kim, leave a message on her machine," Mike instructed.
     "Bite me," I sugggested.
     "Thanks, I just ate," he smiled.

***
13:24 30 Jul

     As I hung up, Mike asked me, "Been practicing your juggling?"
     Of course I hadn't, and of course the boys heard it.
     I trudged behind everyone to the living room, which was pretty
open, and opened my pack to get the juggling bags out, and realized that
I still had the bear Travis had won for me.
     "Oh, Buddha," Mike complained, pointing at it.
     "Shut up, it's sweet," I defended Travis, or the bear, or me, or
something.
     "Just don't talk to me about it," he demanded.  "You get all mushy
and we'll have to tie you to the hood of my car upside down."
     "Yeah!" Gary nodded.
     'Philistines,' came to mind for some reason, so that's what I
called them with a derogatory sniff.
     "What?" David asked.  "Isn't a Philistine out of the bible or
something?"

***
17:04 30 Jul

     I hadn't thought juggling would keep everyone busy all afternoon,
but except for some vital cartoon watching, it had, at least until my
pager went off.  I think Mike had planned it, though, since he had his
juggling balls stashed in his pockets, which meant four of us could
practice at once, and the fifth could watch the baby.  No guess who the
default fifth was; at least I could juggle and watch cartoons at the
same time, unlike the kids, so I did get SOME practice in.
     Mike looked up at the buzzing noise, then poked a thumb towards the
phone.  I nodded, and got up.

***
17:06 30 Jul

     "Maybe just for a couple hours or something," I told Travis, "but
yeah, I do want to see you tonight.  A lot."
     "Everything's cool?" he asked.
     "Yeah, just tired," I admitted.  "I didn't get enough sleep last
night either, so..."  I shifted Stella around to the other hip.  She was
getting immensely heavy, I noticed.
     "How about dinner?"
     "Oh-"  I was about to agree instantly, when I remembered that Mike
had taken me to work.  This presented a problem since I didn't want
Travis associated with my 'male life', and especially I really really
didn't want him dropping me off in front of my house.  I'd bet he didn't
want that either.  And I really doubted that Mike would either want to
come along as a third, or come back to pick me up when I called several
hours later.
     "Valerie?" Travis pinged.
     "Uhhhh-"  #Ding!#  "Travis, can you stay at that number a few more
minutes?"

***
17:08 30 Jul

     "Hello?
     "Rachel?  It's Valerie."
     "Oh, hey..."  She sounded in a friendly mood, so I plunged on.
     "I have a favor to ask, and I'll take you out to dinner to pay you
back," I offered.
     "Wow, what is it?"  That sounded positive.

***
17:11 30 Jul

     "So pick me up at the usual place?" I said to Travis.
     "Okay..."
     Pause.
     "I can hang up now, if you want me to; I got better at it, you
know," I told him, which made him laugh.

***
17:14 30 Jul

     "And then home, to sleep, I hope," I told Mike.
     Mike nodded approval.
     Then, we locked hands like we did, and it was good.

***
17:40 30 Jul

     I was glad that Miz Parker could absorb all three boys shrieking at
her at once about juggling, or maybe she was just dumping the noise.  In
any case, better her than me.  All I had to do was keep an eye peeled
for Travis.

***
17:44 30 Jul

     I turned to Mike as Travis finished pulling up.  "Ayup," Mike said.
"Don't stay out too late.  Remember," he said, and then signed, <C-A-M-
P-I-N-G> at me.
     "Thank you for not saying that out loud," I grinned.  I'd had
enough pleas to take the boys with us to last me rather a long time.
     "Yeah, but remember, you do want to be rested," he emphasized.
"And we still have to prep the food and stuff."
     "I know, I know."
     "So have fun but not too much, and DON'T tell me about it later,"
he said.  "And," he suggested quietly, "maybe talk to him, like a
thinking person would?"
     "I'll try, Mike," I said, "but I won't make any promises about
doing it tonight."
     "Now, that I believe," he said.

***
17:48 30 Jul

     "I thought," I said to Travis, "we could just get something quick
or something, and then go to your place?"
     "That'd be okay," he allowed.

***
18:08 30 Jul

     Wendy's again, which was on the way from here to there, but was
starting to get a bad association in my mind; we kept having Big Talks
after we came here to get food.  And yesterday had been hard and it was
still dragging at me, too.  I pulled the bag out of my car and waved at
Travis as he came up to my car.  "Upstairs!" I suggested.

***
18:13 30 Jul

     "What's up?" Travis asked right before we started eating.
     "Oh, nothing... I just wanted to spend some quieter time with you,"
I said.  I also had to talk some with him, if I could get up the courage
to mention his views on our sexuality.  I wasn't at all sure that I
could.  I was sure that I didn't want to, but Mike was right, it would
be a Good Thing if I knew what was going on in his lofty brain.

***
18:29 30 Jul

     "That's it?" he asked, pointing at the bag I was now stuffing my
trash into.
     "Yes, that's it...  Travis, I had to cook for Mike today, and he
made me eat breakfast, eggs and bacon and toast, AND lunch which was
spaghetti.  I am really full."  Which is why I'd gotten another salad
plus a small chili that Travis was finishing.  "You don't want me to
bloat up, do you?"
     "You wouldn't do that, not chasing those kids all day."
     "You'll notice that I tend to keep them locked in the house all
day?  There's a reason for that."
     "Don't they have a pool?"
     "Yeah, but that's just mostly not letting them jump on me, and
yelling at them if they start running around on the wet concrete.  I
don't have to play their games, ya know."  Thank Ghu.
     "What games do they play?" he asked.
     "Well-  Hey, you work at a pool, you should know this," I reminded
him.  "Diving for 'sunken treasure' which they just threw in, little
swimming races and diving competitions, proto-volleyball, stuff like
that."  He nodded.  "Anyway, other than that..."  I shrugged.
     "Are you still going camping this weekend?"
     "Yes, and it's the entire week, and we're sequestered until we get
the post-trip inventory done too, so I might not be able to see you
until Monday, depending on how tired I am when we get back.  Damnit."
     "Inventory?"
     He was full of questions tonight.  "Dad doesn't want the keen stuff
like Leatherman tools 'walking away' from the camping gear," I
explained.  Or other things I wasn't going to mention.
     He nodded.  "Yeah, that's a problem with loaner gear."
     "And we've got two of Brian's little friends coming-"
     "Who's Brian?"
     "My little brother?"  *Oh, wait... I never mentioned him before-*
     "You never mentioned him before," Travis echoed.
     "Not worth mentioning," I said, which made Travis chuckle.  "He's a
little jock wanna-be, three years younger than me, he's a dork."
     "I'm a jock, am I a dork?" Travis teased.
     "I dunno," I said with a serious face, "are you?"
     He stopped, and then I couldn't keep the grin down any more.  "NO
you're not a dork!" I emphasized through my giggles.  He smiled at that,
and faked throwing his burger at me.

***
18:40 30 Jul

     The trash had been cleared away, and now it was just him and me on
the couch.  "Travis?  Can I snuggle up?"
     "Yeah," he allowed as he looked away for some reason.  I wiggled
and flumphed across the space until I was firmly pressed against him,
and then rotated until I had my back against his side, and I grabbed his
arm and draped it over me.
     It was nice.  It was very nice.  Especially when he squeezed me
tighter.

***
18:44 30 Jul

     "Valerie?" Travis purred at my back, and I almost giggled at the
feeling.
     "Uh huh?" I said instead.
     Pause.
     "What?" I asked again, trying to look at his face, which was almost
impossible at this angle.  I wriggled around until I could drop my legs
off the couch and still lean against him, side-to-side now instead of
side-to-back, and this way I could see his face too.
     He didn't look that happy.  "What...  What about your friends?" he
asked, finally.
     I sighed.  I guess that it was coming up whether I said anything or
not.  "Just...  Like I said.  Mike and I talked a little about it today,
and he's... I mean, he doesn't want to know any details about it, but
he's cool with it.  I think Kim's the same way.  I'm real sure," I
emphasized.  "She wanted to know about you yesterday, like what kind of
person you were, what you were like, like girls do when someone's dating
someone they don't know.  She wouldn't have been like that if she was
freaked at all."
     He thought about it silently for a while.
     "What?" I finally asked again.
     "It just... I mean, it just makes me uncomfortable, for some
reason.  I mean, I think of you as a girl, but, what about them?"
     Well, by some freak chance, that answered the question Mike had
posed.  Which meant I didn't have to ask it.  Which meant I immediately
felt lots better.  "Um, well..."  I had to think hard for a moment about
what he'd actually asked.  "Travis, I mean, they all know what I've been
going through, and how long, and... I mean, neither Mike or Kim were
surprised at it, ya know?  And neither was Susan, when-"
     "What?   Who's-"
     "My sister?  Remember, I mentioned her once?"
     "Okay-  You told her?"
     "No!  Amy did, last night-"
     "Did she tell the rest of your family too?"
     "Oh God, I hope-  No," I realized, feeling instant relief.  "If Amy
had even hinted at it, or Susan either, I'd still be in the basement
interrogation room being made to talk by Mom."  Dad would be running the
equipment, of course, and I didn't think that just because I was his own
flesh and blood that he'd go easy on the amperage, either.  Not that we
had a real interrogation room besides my parents' Bedroom Of Doom, or
that they'd ever actually done this before either, but I knew they could
if they really wanted to, and I'd rather not test them to see if they
actually would or not.  "Susan probably made Amy talk when Amy moved her
stuff out of my room, but she wouldn't go telling my parents.  She
didn't back in April, when I showed up at her college.  So, it's just my
friends, my sister, and Amy right now."
     As I thought it, he said, "'Just'?"
     "Stop reading my mind, wouldya?" I complained, smiling.
     "It's still a lot of people," he said, not smiling.
     I thought about it, and shrugged.  "Yeah, but they all like me, I
think, except maybe Amy, and they know if they spread it around that I'm
gonna be in serious trouble," as in 'dead', "so they won't.  And Amy
won't because I had a little chat with her last night and convinced her
that if she ran her mouth off I'd make her regret it."
     "What did you do?"
     "Don't ask, I won't tell you.  But she knows I'm serious, which I
was, and I am.  And they can all keep secrets, I know."
     "How?"
     "Huh?"
     "How do you know?" he amplified.  "That they can keep secrets?"
     "'Cause, I heard different stuff from the sources, that I knew all
of them knew but I'd never heard a hint of it before I was told by the
person who it happened to."  I hoped that made sense...
     "Like what?"
     I shook my head, and smiled grimly at him.  "Works both ways, you
know.  I keep quiet about them...  Serious stuff, though, some of it.
Life-wrecking.  Like Lisa-type stuff."
     He took a breath then.
     "Yeah," I said, agreeing with what he didn't need to say, "so, they
won't blab on me either.  And Kim said she, NONE of them would let
Debbie do anything to me, and like you said, remember?  Debbie wouldn't
do anything to me now because I could mess up her and Lisa just as bad."
That was a simplification, since once I was beaten to death I couldn't
do anything, but Mike and Dan and a few other people would make sure
that I didn't cross the Styx by myself.
     I finished, "So, the ones that know or will find out are all going
to keep quiet about it."
     Pause.  He still didn't look happy.
     "It still makes me feel weird, somehow," he said finally.
     "Me too, a little," I told him.  "But, I mean, it's us, right?  I
mean, it's you and it's me, and we want to be with each other, right?
So... they don't think it's wrong, and I don't think it's wrong... do
you?"
     He sighed deeply.  "No..."
     "So... so are we still boyfriend and girlfriend?" I asked the Big
Question.
     He looked at me for a short while, then a little tender smile grew
across his face.  "Yeah, if you want me..."
     "I want you," I assured him, and put my legs over his and cuddled
against him, and he started stroking my hair.
     This relationship shit was scary, but at least this time it had
gone okay.  Maybe more than okay.  I breathed deep for a while, just
telling myself, *It's okay, you know, your friends know and they aren't
going to get you in trouble...  Mike still likes me.  Travis still likes
me...*

***
20:39 30 Jul

     "Valerie?"
     I ignored it.
     "Vaaaaalerie?"
     "Uh?"  I opened my eyes, and saw a large shirt.  "Huh?"
     "You fell asleep," Travis said as I sat up a bit and looked around.
     "Oh... yeah," I admitted.
     "Val, why don't you go home," he said gently, "and we'll do
something later this week?"
     "But I want to be with you!" I protested.  I didn't have to be
awake to know that.
     "And... I want to be with you too, but I'm getting sleepy, and if
we both fall asleep you'll miss your curfew and get in trouble."
     "Stop making sense and let me go back to sleep," I complained.
     He chuckled, and pushed my body a little bit and said, "Come on..."

***
20:42 30 Jul

     "I'll call," I promised, and he nodded.  "Or you can page me or
something, if you want.  Friday maybe?"
     "Okay, and then you can get some sleep tomorrow, right?"  I nodded.
     Pause.
     "Travis, would you kiss me?" I asked, hoping-
     He did.

***
20:46 30 Jul

     He pulled away slowly, leaving me sitting on the bumper of his
truck and running my fingers across his shirt as he did.
     "Come on, Val," he pleaded, "don't make this harder..."
     I sighed, because he was sort of right, and I really wanted him to
pick me up and carry me to his bedroom and hold me for a long long time
as I slept.  But that was impractical at the moment.

***
21:04 30 Jul

     Rachel was waiting for me, reading a book, when I got to her place.
"How did it go?" she asked as I came in.  "You said you'd be later?"
     "Oh man," I sighed, but I smiled too to let her know it had gone
okay, maybe better than okay.
     "That looks positive," she said, smiling back, and I nodded
affirmation.

***
21:34 30 Jul

     "Okay, so... like I bet everyone's said so far, but, be careful,
right?" Rachel said as she stopped in front of my house.
     "I will, I really will," I said.  "And call me for dinner sometime,
right?"  She nodded.  "See ya tomorrow, then."

***
21:36 30 Jul

     Amy didn't say anything to me as I came in, so I just ignored her
as much as I could.
     Which wasn't much, because Mom said, "Eugene!" like she was glad to
see me.  "How was your day?"
     "Tiring, Mom...  What?"  She was acting suspiciously.

***
21:41 30 Jul

     There was a tap on my bedroom door as I changed, so I finished
struggling into fatigue pants and opened the door to find Susan outside.
"What, you're not going hiking with us?" I asked rhetorically, because I
knew she wasn't.
     "Nope," she grinned, just to rub it in.  "But, about Amy?"
     Oh, great.  My favorite topic lately not.  "What?"
     "I stayed home with her today, and-" Susan said.
     "You what?" I interrupted, convinced I was hallucinating.
     "We talked, about you," she explained.
     "You stayed home from the radio station today?"
     "Did you sleep at ALL last night, Tuck?  You're usually quicker on
the ball than this," she said back, which at least hinted that this was
still my sister.
     "I can't believe you did that."
     "Well, I did, and I blew my one personal holiday doing it, so you
owe me some favors," she said, grinning grimly at me.  Positive, as they
say, authentication.  "Anyway... she's a lot calmer than she was, an-"
     "Oh, great, calm," I smarted off by reflex, because I didn't feel
positive about this at all.  Or calm.
     "Tuck, shut up," Susan suggested.  "She said she'd talk with you
tonight and not get upset," which I didn't even bother hoping was true.
"So, you need to talk to her."
     "Susan," I reminded her gently, "she may say she'll be calm, but in
ten, twenty seconds she'll be screaming at me, and stuff I don't want
screamed."  I shook my head.  "No way, not tonight.  I'm not up for a
repeat of last-"
     Susan grabbed my arm, but badly, so I pulled out of it.  "Tuck,
TRUST me," she said emphatically.
     I shook my head at her.  "Suze... I want to, I really do, and I
don't think you're lying, but I don't think she can control it, and I
think she's still really pissed off at me."
     "Oh yeah," Amy inserted as she came out of Susan's room
unexpectedly, wearing hiking clothes just like I was.
     "See?" I told Susan and shut the door before Amy could get in and
wreck my life further.
     The beeping told me that one of them was entering the code, and as
I cursed myself for not changing the stupid lock code before now, I also
footed a door wedge into place and kicked it home before they got the
code right.
     Then I finished getting dressed, ignoring the pounding.

***
21:43 30 Jul

     I debated jumping out the window, but Dad preferred I didn't do
that except in emergencies, and I didn't want to hear that lecture
again, which he would give me once Amy or Susan started complaining
about me doing it, so I took a deep breath and opened the door.
     Amy and Susan were both standing right there.
     "Would you at least listen to me?" Amy hissed.
     I sighed, but a moment's thought told me to open the door wide and
let her into my room.  I didn't want to, but I could shut the door and
be pretty sure that she wouldn't be heard outside, when she started
screaming at me.  At least not clearly enough to be understandable.
     Susan came in too, which I didn't need, but she did shut the door
after she did.
     "What do you want to tell me?" I asked Amy as I sat on the bed.
"Or talk about or whatever."
     Amy looked at Susan, who looked back at Amy, and Amy kind of looked
around as she knotted her fingers in her shirt, and she was just opening
her mouth when Mom knocked on my door and called, "Come on, kids!"
     "Shit," I commented.  "Amy, PLEASE don't even THINK any of this
stuff while we're out walking, please?"
     "Yeah," Susan unexpectedly confirmed.  "They can hear things a lot
further than you think they can."
     Amy huffed in frustration and hauled my door open and I just
managed to intercept her slamming attempt.

***
21:52 30 Jul

     "Well, you shouldn't have stayed out so late," Mom sniped at me.
     "Thanks, Mom," I sighed.  *Such a big help.*
     This was probably the best practice for hiking, though.  I was
half-dead on my feet, and I had to concentrate to walk, and my body
ached it was so tired, all of which I could expect on the trail.
     On the other hand, if I was going to get all this on the trail,
then one could argue, why go through it all now?
     But one shouldn't argue with Mom about things like this because it
was ultimately futile and just got one into more trouble, like having to
explain just WHY you were so tired.  I mean, why one was so tired.
     "Besides, it's just a short walk," Mom said.
     "Yes Mom," I said in ritual response.  Of course, Mom.  Brilliant
thinking, Mom.  How wise you are, Mom.  More hemlock tea, Mom?
     "Eugene," Mom said warningly.
     "What?!"  I knew SHE didn't have telepathy or I'd still be in
preventative custody to keep me out of my own life, so I had no idea
what had set her off this time.

***
22:04 30 Jul

     "Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to Hell we go," I sang to myself, since
Mike and Dan weren't here and Amy wasn't talking to me any more.
     "Eugene," Mom called from up ahead.
     "Okay Mom!  Sorry!" I called back.  Everyone was against me, but I
was sort of used to that by now.  I hated it, but I was used to it.

***
22:41 30 Jul

     It was far more convenient to take the packs off in the basement,
since that meant we didn't have to haul them down once we'd freed
ourselves, but that also meant we had to negotiate the basement stairs,
which was a bad idea when heavily loaded and not too conscious.
     "Oh SHIT!" I got out before I impacted the stairs, and Amy had the
sense or energy or situational awareness to start running down ahead of
me and therefore get well away from my final landing point.
     When I stopped, my head was kind of mushed against the floor by the
pack, and my chest hurt, but I didn't even feel too much of an urge to
scream except in frustration.  Something was wrong-
     "Eugene?" Mom called worriedly, and then she was helping me up,
having shed her own pack somewhere.  "Are you alright?"
     "Uhhh..."  I thought about it, and took inventory.  "Yeah, pretty
much.  Those pads really helped," I finally figured out.  That, and the
pull-arms-to-chest-and-hands-to-chin falling reflex that had been
programmed into my spine over the years.  My chest hurt, and kind of
bad, but not like my ribs were broken, or my nose, or-
     "Don't do that," Mom ordered worriedly as she hugged me.
     "Uh, I'll try not to," I agreed, still a little confused.
     I belatedly managed to hug her back, which I think reassured her
because she let go and looked at me again.  "Why don't you just leave
your pack here, and I'll take care of it," she offered.
     "No, I'm okay, I just want to go to bed soon," I countered.
     "Tuck?" Amy asked, sounding worried.
     "No, I'm okay, really," I insisted.  "Just give me a little room,
so-"  They did, and I started maneuvering around Amy's pack to-
     "Are you okay?" Dad called from the top of the stairs.
     "Sorry, broke my neck and died, very tragic," I called back,
finally accumulating some wits.
     "Darn," Dad said, "and I was going to-"  Mom's head tracked back
and forth, unable to decide which of us to yell at, which was sort of
funny.  "-have you clean out the gutters before you went to sleep," Dad
finished, which sort of was a bad idea because Mom yelled, "Bill!"  Bad
for him, anyway; good for me, because it wasn't me.
     "If he was seriously hurt, he wouldn't be smarting off," Dad said
hurriedly before Mom could start.
     "Yeah," I agreed, putting a hand on Mom's arm to calm her down.
"Mom, Amy, I'm okay, really.  I just lost a step at a really bad time.
But the pads helped a lot more than I thought they would.  Even getting
mushed up under the pack like I did didn't hurt as much as it should
have.  That's why I was confused at first; I didn't hurt."
     Mom and Amy both looked at me skeptically.
     "Soooooo," I said, "let's put everything away so I can get into my
nice safe bed, right?"
     Neither of them could argue with that, though I could tell they
wanted to.

***
22:46 30 Jul

     "Dude, I think you made the house shake," Brian observed as we put
things up.
     "I couldn't tell on the way down, and then once I got done rattling
down the stairs everything seemed pretty still to me," I said back.
     "You did, man," he asserted.  "How much did those pads cost
anyway?"
     "Not as much as they're worth, I think," I smirked.  I was
beginning to develop a real affection for them.

***
22:59 30 Jul

     Having had the clever idea of doing like I'd done today with Kim
and mentioning to my parents what my schedule was going to be like when
school started, I'd just sent off a quick explanatory email to both of
them when there was a semi-subtle tapping behind me and Amy's voice
calling, "Tuck?"
     "Noooooo," I moaned.  "Leave me alone, I need to sleep!"
     She typed in the code and opened the door before I remembered she
could do that, and then she was in my room and shutting the door.  She
still hadn't changed out of her hiking clothes either.
     "Amyyyyyyy," I whined.
     "Would you shut up and listen?" she bitched.
     There was another tapping at the door, and this time it was Susan's
voice that called, "Tuck?"
     "Goddamnit," I whined tiredly as Amy opened the door for her.

***
23:00 30 Jul

     My watch had just beeped one-too-many-times-today.  "What?" I asked
both of them.  I wanted to lie down and listen that way, but Susan knew
what that would lead to on my part in about thirty seconds, and she'd
pull me up by the shirt collar if I tried it.  I leaned against one of
the pillars instead.
     "Tell him," Susan insisted to Amy.
     "I will!" Amy insisted.  I hoped so.
     Pause, wherein she did not tell me.
     "Amy!" Susan insisted again.
     "I am!" Amy said, and I wondered if I'd somehow fallen asleep
during whatever-it-was and missed it.
     "Well," I said to cover my lapse of consciousness.
     "Tuck," Amy said hurriedly, "I'm sorry I was like that to you,
okay?  It..."  Susan nudged her and then grabbed Amy's arm when Amy
tried to whack her.  "Would you leave me-"
     "Talk!" Susan ordered as she let go of Amy's arm.
     "Susan, leave her alone," I said.  "Amy, tell me later or whenever
you think of it or whatever, okay?"
     "Tuck," Amy said as both of them ignored me, as usual.  "It, I
mean, I guess it's not my business if you want to date him or whatever,"
she forced out.  "And I'm sorry I was upset at you.  Is that good
enough?" she demanded of Susan.
     "Oh, crap," I groaned.  "Get out, would you?"
     "Shut up, Tuck," they both told me.
     "No!  Get out of my room, leave me alone to sleep, and Susan don't
force her to lie to me, okay?  I can tell a forced apology when I hear
one!"
     "It's not forced!" Amy insisted.
     "Yes it IS!" I said right back.
     "Well I AM SORRY!" Amy yelled at me.
     *Oh no, not this!*  I pleaded, "No, Amy, don't-"
     "And all _I_ wanted to do was aPOLOGIZE but all YOU two want to do
is JUMP all over my ASS about it!" she continued, her volume going up.
     "Chill!" Susan ordered, putting a hand on Amy's arm that she
shrugged off violently.
     I forced myself off the bed as Amy and Susan started to slap and
yell at each other, found my baseball bat, and two-hand-slammed it into
one of the posts on the bunk bed.  Not by chance, they were 4x4's, and
therefore I didn't worry about the post cracking and the whole mess
falling on my foot, like would have happened if my dad hadn't built the
bed to take this sort of abuse in the first place.
     Dad knew his kids.
     Like they say, Smith & Wesson beats four aces, and at my house a
baseball bat in hand wins all sibling and cousin arguments.  Dad
would've calmly taken it away from me and given me a concussion, and I
didn't want to think of what Mom would have done, but they weren't
involved - YET - and I wanted to keep it that way.
     "Let's all chill," I suggested tiredly, putting the bat back into
the usual position as I flopped back on my bed.  "Amy, you're
apologizing for getting upset, right?"
     She nodded.
     "Amy, I accept your apology," I said formally.  "Is that it?"
     "DAMN you!" Amy started to yell, ending with a growl, and wrenched
my door open and tried to slam it again as she left.  Susan caught it
this time as I flinched at the thought.
     "Well, you fucked that completely up," Susan told me before she
left, shutting the door behind her.
     "Yeah, well, it got you two the fuck outta here, didn't it?" I said
to myself, and crawled into bed.

***
23:22 30 Jul

     My door opened, which woke me up, which I would not have thought
possible.  "Oh, NO!" I protested as my least favorite female relatives
once again invaded my room.  "Get OUT!" I pleaded.
     "Tuck," my sister warned.
     "Tuck would you shut UP for a minute?" Amy bitched.
     "Oh god," I groaned, putting a pillow over my head and clinching
up.  "Go AWAY!" I said into the pillow.
     They couldn't hear that, of course, but it didn't matter since no
one ever answered my prayers anyway, except to make things worse.  In
this worsening case, Amy grabbed the pillow and hauled up.
     I didn't let go, not wanting to hear another word out of either of
them.  I was half willing to try sleeping through a pillow beating at
this point.  So I held on tighter.
     Amy kept pulling, lifting me half off the bed, which left the
bottom ear out in the air to hear Amy and Susan both bitching at me to
let go and listen, just for a minute, and other lies I didn't believe
either.  I held on, protecting my head from the inevitable series of
blows I was about to receive-
     The pillow unexpectedly ripped in half.
     As I flopped down rather suddenly into my mattress, I no longer had
enough sound insulation on the top to avoid hearing Amy whoop as she ran
into Susan and they both fell into something which sounded like one of
my less sturdy bookcases.  I looked out, and it was-
     Snowing?
     I HAD to turn on a light at this point, so I did, and then I
started to laugh as I saw Amy and Susan pulling themselves out of the
rubble of a non-structural bookcase and about a zillion feathers
floating around the room.  And Amy still holding on to half of the
pillowcase like it was the winning part of a turkey wishbone.
     "AAAHAHAhahahahahaha!" I howled, and I had to lie back down and
kick my feet in the air.
     I was not helped to regain control by a knocking at my door, and a
voice exclaiming, "What are you DOING in there?!"
     I wanted to say something like 'Apologizing' or 'Oh, just talking'
or 'Practicing our clown act' or something, but just thinking of the
ideas was funnier than I could stand.

***
23:25 30 Jul

     We'd hit the Triple Crown and alerted Brian Mom AND Dad, and I
still couldn't talk coherently, which left them two to explain what the
hell THEY were doing mutilating a pillow in MY room at eleven thirty at
night when people were trying to sleep.  Which was also funny enough to
keep me laughing for quite a while.
     I had quieted down just about the time the air conditioner kicked
in and blew some feather bits from somewhere, up in the air.  I managed
to squeak out, "Look Daddy it's snowing!" before I collapsed again.

***
23:40 30 Jul

     I was in the downstairs bathroom steaming myself to reopen my
lungs and lubricate the crap so it'd come out, and singing Christmas
carols when I had the breath and wasn't laughing my ass off.  Meanwhile,
Susan and Amy were vacuuming feathers and rebuilding a bookcase in my
room.  I presumed that Mom and Brian and Dad were either supervising,
ignoring, or evacuating entirely, but they were not my problem.
     Mom had finally asked, "Eugene, how did you get a FEATHER pillow?"
and the ultimate culprit was not surprisingly Amy, who must've brought
one in when she moved 'in' to my room, and then taken a wrong one out
when she went back to Susan's room.  I hadn't noticed, which was odd
because we had all assumed I was allergic, but I wasn't supposed to be
anywhere near something like that, especially not sleeping on one, and
so Amy got some blame for that too.
     "I'mmmmmm... dreaminggggg... of a whiiiiiiite... bedrooooooom-" I
choked out before I choked, and then I coughed for a while and yakked a
slightly feathery lump into the toilet before I started breathing again,
which I did successfully for a while before I started to laugh again.
     I was never going to sleep again at this rate, and that was funny
too.  I'd hit that point where even pain was funny.  And I hurt, but
like I said, that was funny.

***
00:06 31 Jul

     "Oh, God," I grinned weakly as I leaned against my doorframe.
"Good job, thanks," I said to Susan and Amy.  The 'snow' had gone away
entirely, which meant I wouldn't be inhaling little bits of it any more,
I hoped.  I still didn't know if I was allergic or not, but feather bits
in the airway was more than anyone could stand.
     "Feel better?" Susan asked, and I couldn't tell if she was being
sarcastic or serious, so I decided to treat it as serious.
     "Yeah, lots," I nodded, smiling.
     "Tuck, listen," Amy said, "I NEED-"
     I grabbed her upper arms and interrupted, "Amy.  My love, my
darling.  Come to work with me tomorrow and tell me there."
     "I can't!  I need to sleep tomorrow!" she protested.
     "Oh!  Really?  Imagine me forgetting that!" I said brightly and
sarcastically.  "Amy," I said as she started to protest, "this is the
second night in a row I'm not getting enough sleep, and I desperately
need some because if I fall asleep around those kids they will tie me to
a post and build a bonfire around me.  You know them," I reminded her.
"We'll take them to the park, let them run around like lunatics, and you
and I will calmly and quietly discuss whatever it is, okay?  And then we
can all get some sleep."  *TAKE THE OFFER PLEASE!* I beamed as hard as I
could.
     Maybe it worked, because she finally nodded at me, and I let go and
almost pissed myself in relief, which told me I needed to go to the
bathroom again.  "Excuse me," I said, and made a dash for the bathroom.

***
00:08 31 Jul

     "You were in the downstairs one for half an hour and you didn't
go?" Susan asked incredulously when I came out.
     "I had more important organs on my mind, like my lungs," I
mentioned.  "Good NIGHT," I suggested, and tapped in the code and opened
my door.
     And saw Amy in my bed, rolled up in a little ball.
     "Oh god no," I whimpered, freezing in horror momentarily before I
tried backing up over Susan, which didn't work.
     "Go to bed," Susan ordered, pushing me a little bit in that
direction, and Amy didn't say anything, so eventually I reversed and
crawled into bed and passed out almost immediately.

***
06:06 31 Jul

     The alarm's shrill beeping finally woke me up, and I knew that if I
didn't sit up before I turned it off, I'd never wake up again.  So I
managed to sit up.

***
06:14 31 Jul

     The knocking at my door finally penetrated, and then I almost went
out the window because I thought it was a repeat of last night, and then
I got REALLY confused as Amy groaned and rolled over in the bed.
"WE're-" she yelled hoarsely before she started coughing.
     "Six fifteen!" Susan called through the door.
     "We're up!" I called back.
     "Oh god," Amy whimpered.

***
06:39 31 Jul

     I handed a coke to Amy as she came downstairs, having already
finished one, and then I burped my way out to my car.

***
07:51 31 Jul

     "How long did you spend out with Travis last night?" Miz Parker
asked, causing Amy to look wildly in my direction.  "Ooops," Miz Parker
said from behind me as I ran for it.

***
07:53 31 Jul

     "I am NOT coming down," I told Amy from the safety of the Parkers'
back porch roof, "until you CALM down!"
     "You told everybody but me!" she yelled at me from the ground.
     "I did NOT!  Before Tuesday, it was just Miz Parker and Rachel and
her roommate Dave!" I insisted.  "Amy, if you calm down I will COME down
and the kids won't see me and want to get up on the roof too, and we'll
talk at the park like I said last night.  Please?"
     "What?" she said, sounding confused.
     I took that as a good enough sign that I slid down and landed a few
feet away from her.
     "Gaaah!" she said as she fell over backwards away from me.
Apparently she wasn't expecting me to come down that quick-
     "What is going on?" Miz Parker said as she came out.
     I sighed.

***
07:54 31 Jul

     "So they found me at the park and interrogated me over Travis,
that's what's been going on the last two days," I explained.
     "Ohhhhh," Miz Parker said knowingly.
     "And Amy's still pi- upset," I corrected, "about it."  That was my
guess as to why she'd stormed out to my car and was sitting on it,
anyway.  Maybe she was pissed at me jumping off the roof.
     "There're days I'm glad I'm not sixteen any more," Miz Parker said.
     "There are days I wish I was seven again," I sighed.  "Life was
simple."  She nodded, vaguely.  *Just do what I was told, avoid anything
human unless it was a relative, beg for what you want and hope you get
it before someone gets annoyed at you...*
     Maybe it hadn't been so good.

***
07:57 31 Jul

     Amy came back in, sighing and fiddling with her hair.
     "Can we have a real breakfast again?" Gary asked.
     "I want a blintz!" David mentioned.
     "No, those are stupid," Gary said, which surprised me since he'd
eaten a few of them over the summer.  "I want bacon 'n eggs!"
     "I want pancakes!" Ricky put his opinion in.
     *Fried children, like fried chicken,* I thought, and was startled
at the rush of saliva I got.  *No, that's a bad idea, ESPECIALLY if I
want it.*  "Amy?"
     "I don't care," she said tiredly, and put her head down on the
table.
     "What did you do this time?" Gary asked me.
     *Ground children,* I thought.  *Made into meatballs and boiled in
sauce...*
     "You're drooling!" David shrieked as he pointed at me, which got
Amy's attention.
     "I am apparently very hungry today," I mentioned after I spat into
the sink and washed it down the drain.

***
08:54 31 Jul

     Pancakes AND bacon AND eggs AND some cream filling for David and
Amy to put in a rolled up pancake, had eventually proven a mutually
agreeable solution, except for the cook, but nobody ever ASKED the cook.
They just TOLD the cook.
     They weren't going to be telling me anything for a while, though;
they just sat around and looked sleepy.  Including Amy, thank Ghu.
     And if I hadn't been careful, me too.  But I had been; plenty of
carbs, almost no protein, and very little fat, had me relatively awake
and alert, as long as I didn't sit down.  I could still wash dishes,
though.

***
09:28 31 Jul

     It was a chore getting everyone loaded in the car together, but I
was glad Amy wasn't complaining about having Stella's car seat belted in
her lap.  The boys had picked up some of the mood or something, and were
astonishingly well-behaved, for once.  I needed it right then.

***
09:44 31 Jul

    It looked like it was going to be a disgustingly sunny happy day at
the park, but that oughta allow the kids to run themselves into the
ground, I decided.
     "We'll be here, one of us, so remember to come when I use the
whistle," I reviewed.  "Now go play!"
     They did.  Screaming, of course; at high velocity, of course; and
away, of course.  I would have done the same thing at their age.  I
would have done the same thing now, except for the screaming, but if I
did I'd just have to go through it again later.

***
10:21 31 Jul

     "It just bugs me," Amy said for the Nth time.  "I mean-"
     "WHY, Amy?!" I pushed, because I was getting tired of going around
and around about it, like we had for half an hour.  "What the fuck is
your problem with it if you're so okay with the damned sex issue?!"
     She yelled, "Because damnit YOU have HIM and _I_ don't have
ANYone!"
     "But-"
     "And even if I DID find someone I go back to fucking New York in a
week and a half and so what's the fucking USE?" she screamed at me as
she got up and left.  And Stella started crying at the noise.  If I
tried to chase Amy, I knew she'd punish me for it, and not lightly
either.  All I could do was sit there and rock Stella back and forth
gently, shushing her, telling her it was all right...
     I wished someone would do that for me.

***
10:40 31 Jul

     I was glad that Miz Parker bought baby wipes too, because I was out
and I needed to wipe some errant eye makeup off Stella, and off my face
too.  I'd been smart enough to wait until I was completely done crying,
though.
     "Tuck," Amy said, and I looked up in surprise because I hadn't
realized she was around again.  She'd obviously been crying too.
     "It just really hurts, okay?" she said as she hugged herself and
rocked between one foot and the other.
     I nodded silently, not trusting my voice.
     "And I don't want to see you and him together, because it would
hurt even worse, okay?  I don't have anybody except you and Mike, and
it's hard enough watching him and Kim."  She paused, and chewed on her
lip for a bit.  "I thought I liked him, Travis..."
     She stared at the ground for a while, before she looked back at me
again.
     "Okay," I gargled before I coughed some goo loose and had to
swallow it.  I hated crying.  I did enough of it that you'd think I'd
have gotten good at it by now, but I hadn't.
     Amy took a deep breath and let it out raggedly.  "And I, I mean,
I..."
     I waited, not daring to say anything.  Stella made a noise and I
rocked her a little bit, and then handed her her teething ring when I
realized what she wanted.
     When I looked up again, Amy said softly, "I want to be with you,
Tuck.  I like being with you..."
     "You do?" fell out of my mouth.
     "Yeah," she admitted.  "But, I mean, I, I can't handle you being
with him, and, and and I want to see you before the summer ends, okay?
I want to spend some time with you, like we used to.  Just you, or you
and Mike.  Remember?"
     "Yeah, I do," I said softly.  "And... I'd like that too," I told
her, and she nodded.
     Pause.
     "Do you have any more wipes?" she asked, wiping her nose sideways
with her hand.

***
11:18 31 Jul

     It was a whole lot nicer just sitting there with Amy and the baby
than I'd thought today was going to go.  I still felt miserable, and Amy
was still blowing her nose, but at least the artillery shell had fallen
and wasn't hanging over my head any more.

***
11:32 31 Jul

     "Can we go to McDonalds?" Gary asked.
     "Can we come back here?" Amy asked the boys.  "I want to stay
outside for a while, I haven't done that enough this summer."
     "Okay," he allowed after checking with the rest of the hive, and
everyone turned to look at me.
     "Wait," I said, feeling it was almost too late to mention this,
"how about I go and bring it back, and then we don't have to try and fit
all six of us AND food into my little car?"

***
12:02 31 Jul

     "I don't want it, you can have it," I said, and proffered Amy my
Big Mac.
     "I don't WANT to eat it, I want YOU to eat it," she said.
     "I'm not as hungry as I thought."
     "Eat it anyway," she insisted.
     I sighed, but I felt it was too dangerous to disturb the rapport
we'd reestablished, and so I opened the box and dug in, trying not to
look sick about it.  I was way too tired, if eating made me nauseous.

***
17:41 31 Jul

     "Well, did you have a fun day to-" Miz Parker started and then
stopped.  "Valerie?"
     "What?"  I hoped I didn't look as bad as I felt, as I tried to
smile for her.
     "You look like pluperfect hell," she said to me, glancing at Amy.
"And you don't look much better.  Go home and get some sleep tonight,
okay?"
     We both nodded at the same time.

***
18:39 31 Jul

     I was just coming in the door when Brian and those two kids were
right there, lurking.  "What?"
     "Tuck, hey," Brian smiled in a friendly fashion as he waved a hand
at me in greeting, confirming he wanted something.
     "What do you want?"
     He gave up the indirect approach.  "We need to get some dog tags
for the trip, and Mom said to tell you to take us."
     "Tell your mother I said to ask her why she doesn't take you," I
tried.
     He drawled, "I'don' think so."
     I sighed.  "Can I eat first?"
     "What time do they close?" asked the shorter kid.
     I hated Brian's friends, I decided.

***
18:40 31 Jul

     "Tuck, wait!" Amy called as I trudged out to the car.  "Remember
you have to take me food shopping tonight?"
     "Oh, crap," I sighed.  This was going to take forever.  "You three
ride in the back seat," I told Brian and his friends.
     Brian pointed at my car.  "In tha-   "
     "I'm gonna try and borrow Mom's wagon," I added.

***
18:42 31 Jul

     My mother, the selfish bitch, was doing exactly what I wanted to
do, which was change into something comfortable, get a beer, and lie on
the couch listening to music that everyone else hated and yet were
unable to complain about, while I was preparing to take her son, her
sister's daughter, and two of her son's friends on errands.
     And I wasn't even getting paid for it.
     "I really appreciate this, Eugene," Mom sighed as she dug in her
purse with one hand and her eyes closed until she pulled her keys out.
     I was sure she did.  I would have too.

***
18:54 31 Jul

     "Jeez," I sighed, because I wanted to get home and get into bed,
even if it was alone, and just rest.  I was more than tired.  But we'd
made it before they closed, which meant that Mom would be appeased.
     It was too bad Mom wasn't amenable to virgin sacrifice instead, but
on the other hand, the people I was sure were virgins I didn't want to
lose, and the ones I'd like to sacrifice I was pretty sure weren't
virgins.  Though what they'd lost their virginity WITH might be a
disgusting question.
     I glanced idly around the shop, and noticed that they had a shelf
of surplused or stolen-and-resold manuals, and I went over to take a
look.
     "Hey, Tuck!" Amy called, and when I looked over she was flourishing
her hands at the gray beret on her head.
     "Get it," I affirmed.

***
19:03 31 Jul

     "When did you get rich?" Brian gasped as he saw the stack of books
I was carrying up to the counter.  I'd gotten a couple of other things,
but the books were the real prize of the night.
     "Who, me?  I'm not rich," I countered instinctively.  Brian just
pointed at the books and glared.  "They're on sale," I lied.
     "You're a liar."
     "Yeah, but they're still on sale and I'm still poor."
     He shook his head in disgust.
     "You should try babysitting sometime," Amy smiled.  "Tuck, I need-"
     "No."
     "But-"
     "No!"
     "Just-"
     "NO!"  My temper was not improved at all by the sniggers coming
from the kids.
     Amy emitted a loud, "STOP BEING A FUCKING PRICK YOU GODDAMNED
ASSHOLE!" which did silence the kids, and everyone else in the store
too.  "Oh, God I'm so tired," she moaned right after that.
     Real uncomfortable pause.
     "Um, what did you want?" I asked cautiously.  Perhaps negotiation
would work better than the hardline thing, this time.

***
19:05 31 Jul

     Two pairs of black fatigue pants was cheaper than another blowup,
because at this point I had about two responses left: falling down and
crying myself sick or unconscious; or killing people; and either of
those was going to be a Bad Idea.
     I paid for the entire mess, including Brian's friends' stuff, and
got the receipt to take home and apply for a refund later.
     If I lived that long.  I wasn't quite sure I would.

***
19:17 31 Jul

     "Tuck, green light," Amy said, and then I realized what I'd been
staring at.  Oh Ghu I was tired.

***
20:38 31 Jul

     I had made it home with the food, after having spent damn near four
hundred dollars of my own money, and then I just sort of stopped.  They
managed to convince me to move away from the kitchen and sit down, and
that was it; I blanked for a while until Susan caught my attention and
told me it was time for bed.

***
20:52 31 Jul

     I dropped into bed next to Amy, and the last thing I thought was,
*Oh, I guess it's alright then, if she's sleeping here again.*

***
23:19 31 Jul

     An enthusiastic knocking on my door was simply unbelievable at
first, so all I did was lie there, unbelieving, until Amy whined, "Go
out there and kill whoever it is!"
     "I don't believe this is happening!" I mumbled hysterically as I
staggered towards the door.

***


"Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather
straps" - Emo Phillips


Distribution:
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+ ==[--------   Ellen Hayes   @>--,--'---      ellen@barkingduck.net +
PGP DH/DSS keyfing: 33D4 156A AE39 53E2 0313  6714 2878 56A8 61B0 9CDC
+ http://www.barkingduck.net/ehayes -=[1990]=- vicki .sig virus 11.4 +


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