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Well, This Tucks

Copyright 1997 by Ellen Hayes.

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in this work, and any actual persons or places, living or dead, are
purely coincidental, except when used for satirical purposes.

All rights reserved.

Furthermore,
This work contains adult situations, adult language, adult concepts, and
possibly sex.  If you are legally not allowed to read materials
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this.  I am not responsible.
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state, and country.


Well, This Tucks

***
09:24 23 Nov

     I woke up, wondering if I was still dreaming.  This wasn't my room,
and I couldn't remember how I got here...
     Breathing noises next to me got my attention real quick, so my head
snapped around to look.
     It was Debbie, fast asleep.
     We'd had sex last night.
     _Twice_.
     And it was _great_.
     And we were still sleeping together.
     And it was _still_ great.
     And, God, did I have to go to the bathroom.
     I debated it for a while, until I realized that if I waited much
longer, I was going to piss all over Debbie's bed.  So, very
reluctantly, I slid out and stood, and stretched, and padded off
sleepily to the bathroom.
     I could hear some noise from the living room, but the hallway door
was shut, so I didn't have to worry about being seen.
     I did check myself in the mirror, though.  *Not bad,* I thought,
amazed.  The wig had stayed on, and it was kind of disarranged, like
all girls' when they first wake up.  I'd seen my sister enough times to
know what that looked like.  Bedroom hair...
     I remembered to sit down, but I couldn't stop from grinning.  Even
if I was having a hard time seeing a guy under all the stuff.

***
09:27 23 Nov

     I slid back under the covers, after negotiating the mess on the
other side of the bed.  *How did I get through that the first time?* I
wondered.  *Hope I didn't step on anything important.*
     Debbie rolled over and opened her eyes enough to see me.
     Then she smiled, and put an arm around me, and closed her eyes
again.
     I wrapped myself against her, happier than I could ever remember
being.

***
10:13 23 Nov

     "Lover?" someone asked quietly.  Then kissed me on the cheek.
     I thought it was one of my sister's friends playing a joke, until
my brain rebooted, and I remembered.
     "Nnnn?" I asked sleepily as I opened my eyes.  It was Debbie.
Shining, glorious Deborah.  I couldn't help but smile.  "I wanna wake
up to you every morning."
     She smiled gently, and stroked my face.  "Come on, we need to get
up now."
     "Nnnnninna minute," and coaxed her back down beside me.  I spent a
couple minutes stroking her body, everywhere I could reach.  She spent a
couple of minutes making little "mmm" noises.
     We kissed gently, then she held me off.  "Love, we really do need
to get up now.  I have some makeup consults to do, and I don't think you
want to go with me on those.  So we both need to get ready."
     "I know," I sighed.  "I just want to stay with you like this
forever."
     Her face lit up with her smile, and it was like I could feel the
warmth on my whole body.  She put a hand on my cheek, and murmured,
"You're so sweet," as she cuddled up and kissed me lightly on the lips.

***
10:20 23 Nov

     "Love, we really do have to get up."
     "NNnnn.  I know."  I sat up dazedly.
     "Come on...."  She started to firmly rub my back.
     "Ohhhhh," I moaned.  "That's goooood..."
     It did start to wake me up, though.

***
10:26 23 Nov

     "I gotta wear _all_ that?"
     She nodded, pulling a belt out of somewhere.  "It's cold outside,
and you want to dress warm.  Oh, did you ever call George to tell him
you needed someplace to take this stuff off?"
     Pause.
     "Oh hell," I mumbled as she handed me the phone.

***
10:28 23 Nov

     "_All_ day?"
     George sounded apologetic.  "Hey, sorry, man.  It's just, she's
old, she might not live that much longer, so we gotta spend time with
her when we get the chance, you know?"  Grandmothers.
     "Yeah, I know.... damn."
     "Well, did you call Mike?"
     "Not yet...."

***
10:31 23 Nov

     "Mike?"
     "Yeah."
     "Listen, I need a favor..."
     "Oh, what now?"
     "Um..."

***
10:33 23 Nov

     "Oh, man," he said, "my folks are gonna be here until three.
That's their link time."
     "Three?"
     "Three what?" Debbie asked.
     Mike said, "I think... hold on."
     Debbie asked, "Are you done yet?"  I shook my head.  "Well, here,
start with this, anyway."  She slipped the nightgown up, and wrapped the
corset around me.
     "Urgh," I said into the phone.
     "What?" asked Mike.
     "Nnn, nothing."
     "Well, link time today is like three thirty, so it'll be a while."
     "Oh, noooo..."
     "What?" asked Debbie.

***
10:34 23 Nov

     Debbie said, "Well, why not just hang out for a while until the
house is clear?  Like at the mall or something?"
     "What?"  I couldn't believe she could suggest that.
     "What what?" asked Mike.
     "Huh?" I said.
     "Here, gimme that," ordered Debbie as she yanked the phone out of
my hand.  "Mike?"

***
10:36 23 Nov

     "Well, he's game" she said as she hung up the phone.  "He'll be
here by eleven thirty."
     "Oh, noooooo," I moaned.  "Not again!"
     "Oh, don't be such a baby."  She kissed me.  Then kissed me again.
"I much prefer grownups," she said in an entirely different tone of
voice.
     "Hnnnnhhh," I said as I pulled her on top of me.
     "Tu- Valerie!  Come on, we have to get ready!"  She wasn't fighting
real hard, though.
     "Jus' a lil' more," I mumbled into her hair.  Then I found her ear
and nibbled it.
     "Eeeeeeeee," she whined softly.  She liked having her ears played
with as much as I did, I'd found out.

***
10:53 23 Nov

     "God, that looks great on you," she said.  I'm sure she meant it as
a sincere compliment.
     "Oh, really?" I asked noncommittally, staring at myself in the
mirror.  That corset really made a difference.  That and eight different
kinds of makeup.  I wondered how Debbie could see me as a guy under all
this.  Maybe she really was a lesbian...
     Still, what she had picked for me this time was decent enough.  A
large sweater almost exactly the color of oatmeal, which looked better
than it sounds.  It went past my hands unless I pushed the sleeves up,
and down past my (normal) waist, which is why I was wearing a wide belt
around the waist the corset made.  A long, straight, denim skirt, which
was going to be way too tight for normal walking even with the slit in
back, completed the outfit.  That and a full slip and a bra and panties
and a G string and a corset and stockings.  My ski jacket was the only
thing of mine that I had on.
     At least it wasn't Slutpunk, like the first costume, or
Secretarywear like last night.  I almost looked like a normal girl my
age, if you ignored the fact that I was a guy.  I still looked like a
normal girl, actually.
     "Don't forget the heels," she mentioned as she pulled her own
nightshirt off and tossed it in the hamper.
     "I wish I could," I mumbled, not nearly as annoyed as I would have
been if Debbie hadn't been naked in front of me.  "God, you're
fantastic," I said without thinking.
     She turned around, and giggled.  "Come on, hon, you gotta knock it
off while Mom's here, remember?"
     "Yeah, I know," I sighed.
     "Now, sit down, we gotta do the hair next."

***
11:08 23 Nov

     "You really look great," she told me as she stuffed things into the
sports bag.
     "So do you.  Really."  She was wearing exactly panties.  And looked
fabulous.  She was probably one of the few people who could go nude and
look good doing it.  Unlike me, for instance.  I looked better with
clothes on.  Even guy ones.  Maybe especially guy ones.  Though I was
beginning to doubt that.  I mean, I know which _I_ preferred...  On the
other hand, I never fell into the fox category before Halloween.
     She chuckled, and shook her head.  "Maybe you better get some cold
pizza or something for breakfast so I can get ready without you
interfering."
     "Debbie!"  That _hurt_.
     "Oh, sweetheart," she said consolingly, "I have to go to work, just
like a regular job, and it's just too much fun with you here, and I
don't want to mess up an appointment or three."  She came up to me and
hugged me.  She was warm even through the sweater.  "You're just too
fascinating for me to ignore," she whispered into my ear.  "Lover mine,"
she added.
     "Okay.  Lover mine."  So I'm easy.  Anyone would be after the night
I had.

***
11:26 23 Nov

     "So what were you- oh, hi kiddo," said Debbie's mom to Debbie.
Excuse me, I was supposed to call her Helen now.  I had to fight not to
call her sir.
     "Um," I mumbled through the pizza.  I swallowed, and said, "Well,
you look fantastic as usual."  She was wearing a big white poet's shirt,
jeans, and low heeled short boots.
     She smiled at me.  "Thanks..."  She shook her hair out.  "I just
hope everything goes well," she worried, grabbing a slice of pizza.
     "Of course it will!  You're fantastic!  The only problem you could
have is picking poor clients without enough money."
     Both of them laughed at that, right as someone honked a horn
outside.
     "Ooops, there's your ride," rushed Debbie.  She gave me a hand up
and started dragging me out.
     "Nice seeing you again," called Helen as she waved goodbye.

***
11:27 23 Nov

     "Be good, callya!"  She gave me one quick kiss on the lips before
she shut the door.
     I sighed, and turned around.  Mike was getting out of the car, a
motion made more complicated than usual because he was staring at me
like he was going to burn holes in me.
     "Tuck?" he asked disbelievingly as I walked up to him.
     Reflexively, I looked around to see if anyone had heard.  Nobody
around, except someone mowing the lawn next door.  Peachy.  I turned
back to him and nodded.
     "Jeeeeeezus," he said reverently.
     "No relation," I snapped back.  "Let's go, eh?"  He didn't move, he
just kept staring at me.  "What?"  The mowing guy was watching me.  It
bugged me.
     He just shook his head.
     "What?!"
     He finally shook himself out of it, and mentioned, "If I didn't
know better...."
     "Well,, let's go and we can talk about it, okay?"  I was getting
nervous standing around.  Especially in the sheriff's front yard wearing
girl clothes after a night of fucking her daughter.  Well, the deputy's
front yard.  Whatever.

***
11:31 23 Nov

     "All night?"
     "Well..." I debated between honesty and boasting.  But Mike was a
geek like me.  "Until two, then we both crashed."  He wouldn't have
believed the lies I made up.  I couldn't help smiling as I added, "In
the same bed."
     He just shook his head for a long time.  I was trying to figure out
if I could still smell Debbie in the sweater I was wearing.  I thought I
could...
     "And now you're stuck in girl clothes until you can get to my
house."
     "Well, yah.  I _thought_ George was gonna be free today, or his
house or whatever..."
     "I dunno."  He looked over at me.  "I don't see how she could be
bonking you if you look like that.  You look too much like a girl."
     "I think she's bi."
     We contemplated this for a while.
     "But if she was really bisexual, wouldn't she take you either way?"
he pointed out.  "From what you said, you weren't getting anything from
her until before Halloween."
     I sighed.  "I know.  But she sure didn't have any problems dealing
with me last night, even if I was wearing a nightgown.  At least the
first time, I was wearing a gown," I added.
     "First time?  Like there was _more_ than one?"
     I chuckled.  "Oh, Mikey Mikey Mikey..."  We went over a railroad
crossing and the bruise on my back bounced off the seat.  "SSsss, that
hurts.  If you can help it, don't ever have sex sitting down in a tub.
Watch the road!" I shrieked, pointing ahead.
     We slammed into the seatbelts as Mike looked in front of him again
to see the line of stopped cars.
     "Sitting down?" he asked after we stopped.
     "Yeah, her idea, like in the water and all.  She got the smooth
side and I got the faucet side."  I chuckled, thinking of Debbie
throwing her legs around my neck.
     "Jeeeeeezus...."

***
11:35 23 Nov

     "So, whaddaya wanna do today?" Mike asked.
     "Um."  I hadn't really thought about it.  "I don't want to go home.
Or over to your place.  Debbie's not going to be home for the day..."
     "We could go out and poke around the bookstores.  Haven't done that
in a while...."
     "Um, no.  Not the usual ones, anyway."
     He glanced at me.  "Why not?  You look fine like that."
     "Mike, you idiot, if someone remembers what I normally look like,
they're gonna be radically upset.  And they'll wonder about you too.
And what if _we_," I emphasized "we", "run into someone else we know,
like from school?"
     "Mmm.  Yeah."
     Pause as we drove for a while.
     "How about trying the east side of town?  I've heard there's a
couple of good shops there, but I haven't gone there."
     "Yeah, I guess," I replied.  I wasn't real happy with the idea.
"Maybe we could just go find a nice parking garage and hide for a few
hours?"
     He glanced over at me, and it only took half a second to tell me
what he thought of that idea.  "You're not _that_ pretty, dork."
     "You asshole!  That's not what I meant!  I just... I don't wanna go
out like this."
     He laughed.  "Maybe you shoulda thought of that before you let
Debbie dress you up last night.  Jesus, Tuck, didn't you think about
what would happen afterwards?"
     No, I hadn't.  Not like I was going to say that.

***
11:41 23 Nov

     "Hey, is that a gas station up there?" I pointed.  "Maybe I could
change in there, and just not worry about it."
     Mike gave me a "boy are you stupid" look.  "You don't want to do
that," he explained patiently, "because it's gonna take you at least
fifteen minutes to get out of all that and get the makeup off.  That's
how long it takes my mom, minimum.  And when that happens, you come out,
and every woman who's been dancing around with her legs crossed for you
to get out, is gonna see you come out of the girl's room.  And you are
gonna be toast."
     "Uhm.  What about the guy's room?"
     "They get madder when they can't take a piss.  And if they see you
go in, it's more likely they'll wait around for you to get out."
     "I'm stuck like this?"
     "You're stuck like that, as far as I can tell," he agreed.  "I've
been thinking what you could do, and I really can't think of anything,
unless you want to try calling everyone you know and asking if you can
borrow their house for a while."
     I put my head in my hands.  This was gonna be a bad day, I could
tell.

***
11:47 23 Nov

     "John?  Which one?"
     "Hellifino.  He works for Pizza Hut as a delivery driver."
     "Tu-, uhm.  Val, Pizza Hut doesn't employ people over eighteen for
drivers, because grown-ups want real money.  It could be anybody at our
school.  Correction: anyone with a car."
     "Why do you keep calling me Valerie?"  It was beginning to irritate
me.
     "Well, d'uh, shit-for-brains.  You want me to call you 'Tuck'?  Or
'Eugene'?"
     "Noooo...."  This was supremely frustrating.  "Ah... fuck fuck
fuck..."  I didn't want to be called _anything_, now that I thought
about it.
     "I thought you said you only did it twice," Mike said
sarcastically.  Then he started to laugh.  "Hoo hoo, poor little Tucky
Duck has to wear girl clothes all day so he could get some last
night..."
     "Like you're not a virgin."  I mean, I wasn't doing this for fun.
     "Like you'd know, asshole."  That right there told me that nobody
had kidnapped him for use as a sex slave in the last 48 hours.  Not like
I was really worried by the possibility.  That was the only way _he_ was
gonna get laid anytime soon.  And like I said, I wasn't real worried.
     On the other hand, I realized I shouldn't piss him off too bad.
The idea of hitchhiking home, or worse, calling my folks to pick me
up...
     "Well, anyway, do you know which one I'm talking about?"
     "Which one what?  Pizza faced pizza boy?  No..."

***
11:53 23 Nov

     "Do you know where you're going?"  I was beginning to be sure we
were driving around in circles.
     "Sort of.  It's around here somewhere..."
     "Idiot.  Why didn't you-"
     "Hey, you wanna get out and ask for directions?  I thought not," he
continued without waiting for an answer.  Not like he needed to.

***
12:07 23 Nov

     "See?  I told you it was around here."
     "Mmm hmm."  No comment.
     We pulled into a parking space, and he killed the engine and got
out.  Then he came back.  "You coming in?"
     "Um..."  Not like I'd gotten cold feet all of a sudden, haha. "No."
     "You dumbass, it's maybe forty degrees out here, tops, you don't
have shit on in the way of clothes, and the car is gonna get real cold
real quick.  Come on."
     "I'm wearing more than you think, Mike."
     He put his hands over his ears.  "I don't wanna know.  Well, if you
want to come in, lock the doors, okay?  Just in case someone might want
to dump their trash in it or something."  He shut the door and walked
off.
     I slid down in the seat, trying to look inconspicuous.

***
12:23 23 Nov

     The bookstore was awesomely warm.  I sighed and unzipped my jacket.
     "Got cold?" Mike asked.  *The bastard was waiting for me,* I
thought, glaring at him.
     "No, bored."  Not to mention the guys that had started looking me
over in the parking lot.
     "Well, they got a good sci-fi section, anyway."
     I could live with that.

***
12:37 23 Nov

     "Mike?" I whispered at him.  "Why do people keep staring at me?"
     He looked around before he leaned close and whispered back, "'Cause
nobody expects a mallbunny type to be looking for sci-fi.  People like
you look like barely know how to read."
     Great.  So much for "normal looking".
     "Besides, you look really sexy in heels."
     I hit him in the shoulder.  Hard.

***
12:55 23 Nov

     "Jeezus, when did you get rich all of a sudden?" he asked, staring
at my pile of books.  Maybe a dozen, maybe a little more.  He had four.
     "When I started working with Debbie, Mikey Boy," I snapped back.
     "Sheee... hey, can I borrow a couple of bucks?"
     I thought about it.
     "Please," he begged.  "I wasn't gonna go out today, I just did this
as a favor to you, come on..."
     "Okay, okay, quit whining.  Um... just put yours in the pile with
mine, I guess."
     "Great, thanks!" he crowed, scampering back to the rear of the
shop.
     "All these yours, miss?" asked the old geezer at the register.  I
sighed, and nodded.  I hated being called "miss".  But I guess it beat
"damned faggot" or "hamburger"... or "dead on arrival"...

***
13:01 23 Nov

     "Shit," we both said, almost in unison.  It had started raining
while we were inside, and the wind was really blowing.
     "Here, hold this," he said, and handed me his bag.  "I'll get the
car and move it over..." he stopped, and looked at me.  "Hey, don't you
know how to hold things?"
     "What?"
     He motioned holding them up over my chest.  *Whatthe- oh.*  I moved
them up to where they were cradled against me like a baby.  He nodded,
grinning.  "Mike, just go get the car!" I begged.  He dug his keys out of
his pocket, and dashed into the rain.
     While he was out running around in the rain, a car pulled up in
front of the bookstore, and a couple of people got out.  *Oh, fucking
fabulous,* I thought despondently, staring out into the rain.  *Where is
that asshole?*
     "Wow!  Sure is raining hard, isn't it?" asked the woman
rhetorically as she sort of shook herself off.  They were both in their
forties, I guessed.
     "Uh huh," I managed, trying to use That Voice.  *Go away, go away,
gooooo awaaaayyyy...*
     "Wasn't like this when we left the house," said the guy.  "It was
just cloudy."  They weren't going away.  I tried not to panic.
     "Ah, I love it when it rains, though, at least if I'm home," she
said, smiling at me.  They were going to make me talk.  I took a deep
breath.  *Don't panic!* flashed in my head.
     "Yeah," I said sort of wistfully, "I kinda wish I was home right
now, instead of out."  Actually, I _really_ wished I was home right now.
*Don't panic, no need to panic...*  I shrugged in an imitation of
casual-ness.  "Errands.  You know."  *Stuck in your girlfriend's
clothes, can't find a place to change, you know...*
     "And a quick trip to the bookstore as a treat, huh?" the woman
said, winking at me.  I nodded.  "Well.. are you waiting for someone?"
she asked.
     "My friend, he, uh, he went to get the car," I said as he pulled
up.  *Thank you, God!*
     "Well, have a good day," they said as I took a deep breath and
walked hurriedly out.  "And try and stay dry!"
     "You too!" I called over my shoulder before I bent down and slid
into the seat.  I hated this stupid skirt; I had to practically turn
around the other way, sit down, then slide backwards and spin in the
seat to get in.  I finally got the door shut.
     Mike looked like he tried to go swimming.  "Thanks, Mike, for
getting the car.  I really appreciate it."
     "I did it for the books," he said.  Then he grinned.  "So who's
your new friends?"

***
13:06 23 Nov

     "You know, I'm kind of hungry," he said.
     "I'm not," I said, right before my stomach rumbled.
     He stared at me.  I stared out the window.
     My stomach grumbled again.

***
13:11 23 Nov

     "Mike, can't we just go to a drive-through or something?" I asked
frantically.
     "No, I hate the rain getting in.  It might mess up the tape holding
the roof on."  Mike didn't have to make payments on his car, which was
the best that could be said for it.  Oh, and it ran, most of the time.
It really deserved a decent burial, though.
     "Besides," he continued, "I'm hungry.  _Real_ hungry.  And I don't
have much cash.  So we either go to a buffet which takes checks, or go
home to my folks house."
     "Oh, heck, Mike," I mumbled fumbling my wallet out of Debbie's
purse, "I'll loan you, the, uh..."  I only had three bucks left.
     "That's not enough," he mentioned.
     "Watch the road," I snapped irritably.  "Look, Mike, please, you
can have the money, I don't need to eat right now."  Ignoring hunger
pangs was nothing new.  When I figured out I was going to be a geek, I
noticed that there were fat geeks and thin geeks, and I didn't want to
be fat as well as a geek.  So I learned to not eat.  It had worked until
last year, although I was only a little chubby now, instead of bony like
I had been.
     "_Tuck_," Mike emphasized, "you're being a jackass.  Nobody figured
you out in the bookstore - hell, _I_ didn't recognize you when you came
out the front door of Debbie's house.  The only, the _only_ reason I
figured it was you was 'cause she kissed you.  So you don't have
anything to worry about.  And frankly," he went on, "since this is
probably going to be a regular thing with you from now on, you'd better
get all the practice you can."
     *Whatthe-*  "Where the hell do you get off, saying this is gonna be
a regular thing?  I'm not gay!"
     "No, but if you want to keep giving it to Debbie at her house in
front of her mom, she's gonna keep dressing you up like that."  He was
right.  *Oh _shiiiit_-*  He went on without pausing.  "And if you think
that Debbie's just gonna take you home and watch movies or whatever, you
are dead wrong.  She's gonna drag your pantied butt everywhere.  She
_hates_ staying at home.  And she _likes_ playing jokes on people, even
if they don't know there's a joke going on.  _Especially_ if they don't
know it's a joke.  And you're one of the biggest jokes she's come up
with in a long time, 'cause you _are_ so good at it."
     "What the hell are you saying?" I snarled at him, frightened.
     "Look, man, I'm not saying you're gay or anything like that, it's
just that... you're a natural at this, for whatever reason.  That guy at
the mall, Travis, had no fucking idea what you were.  Neither did anyone
else in the whole damn place.  The only ones that knew were me, George,
Debbie, and you.  And Lisa, when she came up, but Debbie told her
beforehand, you could tell by the way she acted like she was in on the
joke."
     He shook his head.  "You're like the biggest prank she's pulled off
in years, because _nobody_ gets it, so she can _keep doing it_.  She's
like an avatar of Coyote, man, she just does stuff like that to prove
how dumb people are."  Mike made a point of being anything but Methodist
like his parents were, every time he got the chance.  "And as long as
you don't blow it, nobody will ever figure you out, and she'll be
laughing for years over this.  So she'll _keep_ doing this until you
can't do it anymore, which I guess would be when you start growing a
beard, though I wouldn't bet on Debbie losing that contest either.  Not
even to mention that she can now use you for any one of her 'little
projects.'  So you'd better get used to it, or break up with her."
     I was in shock.  "Oh, nooo," I whispered.
     He nodded.  "Yep.  And frankly," he said, glancing at me, "if I was
you, I'd run with it."
     "WHAT?!" I shrieked.
     "'Know your target', bud, right out of the Assassin's Handbook.
You've got a unique opportunity to infiltrate one of the most secret
societies ever known to man."  He chuckled.  "Women.  So, dude, if I was
you, I'd check it out.  You'll probably pick up more in a couple of
times doing this than you ever knew about girls before.  And then you'll
know how they think, why they act the way they do, what makes 'em tick.
You could prob'ly write a book on it eventually.  And this can only be
to your advantage, grasshopper.  And then you can tell me about it so I
can be knee-deep in babes like you."  He reached over and punched me on
the shoulder without looking.  I was too stunned to try to dodge.
"Besides, you get to keep it going with Debbie.  Which is not an
inconsiderable thing.  She's pretty much a fox, even if she is a little
well-padded."
     "She's not well padded, she's perfect," I replied defensively.
This I could handle.  "How can you say that about her?"
     "'Cause that's what she says.  'I'm a little too well padded,', she
said in English class.  I'm not making this up, you know.  Why do you
think she's dieting all the time?"  He glanced at me again.  "Like you."
     "I don't diet!"  Not deliberately, anyway.  "I just don't eat that
much."
     "Whaddaya think a diet is, dumbass?  Speaking of which..."

***
13:15 23 Nov

     "No!"  I crossed my arms and sat, while Mike stood in the open car
doorway.  Letting all the heat out, the bastard.  At least the rain had
stopped.  Mostly.
     "Look, _Valerie_, I _know_ you're hungry, I can hear your stomach."
Damn stomach.  "So just come in, be cool, eat, and no problems.  Okay?"
     "Mike... don't make me do this.  Please?"
     "Valerie, don't be chickenshit.  Come on."  He grabbed my arm and
pulled.
     "Hey!  Ow!  Leggo, you jerk!"  He was pulling me out of the car,
slowly but surely.  "No, leggo!"  I'm sure I sounded panicked, because I
was.
     "Then come in.  It's not like I'm asking you to do a table dance or
anything, just come in and eat."
     He could be persuasive.  Especially when I was heading for an oil
slick about the size of my body, an inch at a time.  While wearing my
girlfriend's clothes.  Debbie'd kill me if I fell into _that_.
     "Okayokayokay, leggo!"  He let go and I pulled myself back into the
seat.  "Fuckhead," I commented as I slid out and balanced on the heels.
My heart was racing at the thought of going inside.
     "That's a good girl," he cooed, like I was a dog.  "Now come on,
it's suppertime for little Valerie!"
     "Arf," I said sourly, then "Yiiii-" as I slipped on the slick
pavement.  By grabbing onto Mike, I just barely managed to stay upright.
     "Oh, shit," he said, grabbing my wrist.  "Is it that slick?"
     "It is when you don't have any treads on your fucking shoes,
dumbass!"  I was feeling real scared, now.  "Jesus," I panted, "just
what I _don't_ need is to go to the hospital right now..."
     "Here, c'mon, grab onto my arm," he said, and we ended up doing the
romantic-walking-arm-in-arm thing across the parking lot.  I wobbled a
few times, but the extra support kept me upright easily.
     When we got to the door, Mike held it open for me, grinning as I
walked past.  I managed to kick him without slowing down, which was not
easy in this skirt.

***
13:22 23 Nov

     We stared at the buffet.
     "Whatcha gonna get?" Mike asked.
     "Something light.  I don't feel so well."
     "Must be nerves.  Or maybe," he grinned at me sideways again, "it's
that time of the month?"
     I kicked him again.  "Mike, leave me _alone_!"  I wanted to cry
again.  Or something.
     "Sorry," he shrugged, looking at the buffet.  "Hey, they got roast
beef."  He looked back at me.  "Hey," he said, his expression changing.
"It's okay, Val, it's alright.  We'll get something to eat, then we'll
go home, and everything'll be fine."  He thumped my shoulder a few
times.
     "Fine.  Right."  I felt like a deer in the wolf cage at the zoo.
     "Come on.  Eat a little," he cajoled.  "Just enough to settle your
stomach..."

***
13:26 23 Nov

     "What would you like, miss?"  Grrrr....
     "Coke, please."
     "Okay, I'll be right back with those drinks.  Enjoy your meal!" the
waiter said brightly before he walked off.
     When I looked back at Mike, he was grinning again.  "See?  No
problems, like I said."
     I really hated it when he was right.
     On the other hand, I was sort of glad he was, in a way, today.
What with me wearing girl's clothes and all, him being wrong would have
been... I didn't want to think about it.  I just wished he would
stop showing it off.

***
14:17 23 Nov

     "Jeezus, Mike, you eat like a pig, that's why you get done first."
     "'M a growing boy.  I need my protein.  Come on."
     "Get some dessert or something."
     The light bulb went on over his head.  "Hey, that's an idea..."  He
got up and walked off.
     "Pinhead."

***
14:24 23 Nov

     He burped a bit, then patted his stomach.  "Ah, now this place
knows how to feed a man!"
     "If only there was a man around, they could feed him," I said
agreeably.  He glared at me.  Then his expression changed.
     "Hey, come on with me, I gotta call home."  He stood up, reached
for his wallet, then looked at me.  "Um, could you leave a buck or so
for the tip?"
     I snorted in disgust, digging through the purse for my wallet.  I
cleverly didn't take it out, just unfolding it inside the purse.
*Girl's purse, guy's wallet, bad idea,* I thought.  Wouldn't want
someone to think I stole it or something.
     "Anyway, come on.  There's a pay phone back here, and you can fix
your face."  He took my arm and pulled me along towards the bathrooms.
     "Wait, what's wrong with my face?"  Not like I was paranoid or
anything, haha.
     He shook his head without slowing down.  "You ate.  That means you
messed things up.  Trust me.  Now go in there and fix things."
     "Mike!"

***
14:26 23 Nov

     Great.  His mention of bathrooms, not to mention the plumbing
noises, had me needing to go.  Bad.
     "Shit shit shit," I mumbled, half dancing around the phones.
     "Val, just _go_!" he ordered, staring over his shoulder.
     I was gonna wet myself if I didn't.  "Pinhead!" I hissed at him
before I turned, took a deep breath, and pushed the door open.  *This is
all his fault anyway...*
     It wasn't too busy, thank God.  I snuck into a stall far far away
from everyone else, and started pulling clothes around.  As I started,
something recognized that I was near a toilet, and the pressure in my
bladder about doubled.  *Oh, God, am I gonna make it?* I wondered
hysterically.
     I finally did, but just barely.  "Ahhh!" I gasped as I let go into
the bowl.

***
14:28 23 Nov

     Getting dressed was almost as much fun as getting undressed had
been.  None at all, that is.  Whee.  This girl stuff was way too
complicated, I decided as I wrestled the tight skirt back down.
     As I came out of the stall, I came face to face with an all-too
familiar face.  It was Julia from my school.  I said, "Ehk!" because my
heart jumped into my throat.  Thunk, bambambambam.
     Her face lit up.  "Hey, you again."  An expression flickered across
her face.  "You know Halloween was a month ago?"
     "Ah, ah, ah, yeah," I panted.
     "So what are you doing?"
     "I, ah, I can't tell you."
     She smiled at me, but it wasn't a nice smile.  "Oh, but I'm _sure_
you can tell _me_."
     Her smile promised that either I would tell or she would tell.  I
would tell her, or she would tell _everyone_.
     "Ahhh...."  I looked around.  The only open space was the sink.
"Ah, over here..."  I could recognize my options when I only had one.

***
14:31 23 Nov

     "So you and her-"
     "Yeah."  I still felt pretty good about it.  "And we got to, uh," I
hesitated as someone came in.  "We spent the night, you know... I ended
up crashing in her bed.  We stayed up pretty late talking."
     "Talking?" she questioned, not believing it.  I jerked a thumb at
the stalls.  "Oh, yeah, you two have a lot to talk about.  But that
doesn't explain this afternoon."
     "Um, well..."  This was probably going to have to wait until they
left.  I tried to convey this to Julia.  "It's, ah, been kind of
confusing, actually."
     "Oh, really," she said warmly, matching the flush I was feeling.
     "Uh, so what are you doing here?"
     "Oh, Toni and I decided to pick up some lunch."
     "Toni?"  I couldn't think of anyone named Toni that she would hang
around with.
     "My boyfriend?"  Oh.  TonY.  *Oh hell.*
     "Your boyfriend?  He's outside?"
     She patted me on the shoulder.  "Yeah, he's the one I met at
theater camp, lives all the way on the other side of town.  It's kind of
annoying that he doesn't go to my school," she subtly emphasized "my
school", "but that's the breaks."
     "Oh."  Oh.  "Yeah, bummer, I hate that."  Not.
     The woman came out and started washing her hands.
     "So what are you doing here?" Julia asked me.
     "Um.... Mike got hungry."
     "Mike?  Mike the geek Mike?  Tuck's friend Mike hanging around
outside Mike?"  My heart clutched when she said "Tuck," so all I could
do was nod.  "I wondered what he was doing here.  So what were you doing
before he got hungry?"
     "Um..."  The woman got done, smiled at us as she dried her hands,
and left.  "Sheeeewwww," I breathed.
     "On second thought, you need to fix your makeup," she told me
matter-of-factly.  "And I have to urinate.  Be right back," she trilled
as she floated off. "And no peeking!"

***
14:35 23 Nov

     I'd almost finished restoring myself to what I had looked like this
morning, I think, when I left the house, when Julia got done and came
out.  All I really had to do was rub some powder on my face and re-do
the lipstick.  Mike was right, the pinhead.  *What does _he_ know about
this stuff?* I snarled to myself.  Just because he'd had about three
times the number of girlfriends in his life that I had-
     "Good job," Julia noted over my shoulder.  "Don't forget the
corners."
     I attempted to get the corners of my lips.
     "Let me guess," she said as I added tiny swipes of lipstick.
"Debbie's folks were expecting you, like that, and they were
unexpectedly up, and so you had to go out with Mike because Debbie was
out doing Mary Kay and didn't want to hang around her while she did
that."  I nodded.  "So why didn't you go over to his house?"
     "Same problem, folks around.  Except I know Mike's folks, unlike
Debbie's mom.  I mean, I know them the other way."  She grinned at that.
I couldn't.  "Mike was calling to find out if they were gone to play
golf yet."
     "And if they were?"
     "Then I go to his place and change, and go home."
     She nodded slowly at that.  "Aha, I see.  So, what will you do if
they aren't playing golf?  It was raining a while ago."
     "I know.  Um."  Oh Hell.  "I dunno..."
     "Why don't you check out Westcross Mall?  They have a pretty good
selection, and nobody from our school goes there, and..." she tapped her
teeth.  "Are those Debbie's shoes?"
     "What?"  She repeated the question.  "Yeah, I guess..."
     "Well, there's a shoe place in there, Turner's, that's having a
huge sale on boots, and I know she likes boots, like cavalry boots, but
her last pair died of old age.  Maybe you could pick her up a Christmas
present and get out of those heels at the same time."
     "You're kidding," was all I could think to say.
     "Nope."  She showed me her boots.  They were nice boots, I had to
admit.  "Something like these.  Forty dollars instead of a hundred."
That was a great sale, I had to admit.  "And she'd like a nice gift like
that for Christmas.  It'd show her you think of her."  That was a great
concept, I had to admit.  "And, if you were careful, you could wear them
first, 'cause I can tell you've been in those all day, by the way you're
limping."  Great deduction, I had to admit.  "You're not used to heels."
     "Um.  Yeah.  So, where are you going after this?" I asked.
     "Not to the mall, already been there today."  She grinned at me,
and flicked her hair up.
     "Oh."  Hint hint.
     "Valerie?" called Mike from outside.  He sounded kind of annoyed.
     Julia looked at me.  "That you?"
     "Um..."  What could I say?
     "Hmmm," was all she said.  One eyebrow popped up, though.  I didn't
figure her for a Trekkie.
     "Anyway, I'd better get out, I think," I said nervously as someone
else came in.  Four someones.
     "Might be a good idea.  Wouldn't want to keep him waiting," she
said with a straight face.  Then she flashed a grin at me, just for an
instant.

***
14:37 23 Nov

     "See ya!" Julia waved as she walked off with Tony.  Mike huffed off
to his car.  I tried to follow as quickly as I could.  The pavement
wasn't as wet, but I still had to take it slow.
     "Mike, wait up!"  He did, but he wasn't pleased about it.
     "What took you so long?" he asked, pissed.
     "Hey, she came in there and told me if I didn't tell, she was
gonna!  I _had_ to talk to her, and this isn't something you can explain
in a couple of sentences."
     He snorted.  "That's the truth."  He glanced over at me.  "So
what's she gonna do, now that she knows?"
     "Oh, man, I dunno... she was cool with it on Halloween, even though
I was in the girl's room-"
     "Again," Mike added.
     "Don't remind me!"  I took a deep breath.  "Anyway, she seems cool
with it... she's not mad at you or anything, is she?"
     "Why?"  He suddenly looked unhappy.
     "'Cause she saw you waiting outside, and I told her you were
dragging me around today.  So..."  I left all the horrible possibilities
unsaid.  "So is she mad at you or anything?"
     "Uh, I don't think so.  I hope not."  He thought.  "I can't
remember doing anything?"  He didn't sound too sure.
     "Well, don't worry about it, I guess," I said, sighing.  "I guess
I'm the only one that has to worry."
     "She's pretty cool, though," he said, trying to cheer me up.  "She
let me cheat off her once in English, and I did some homework for her a
couple of times."
     "That doesn't prove much."
     "More than nothing."  That didn't help much either.  "Besides, I
think she likes you."
     Pause.
     Not to change the subject or anything, but.  "So, were your folks
home?"  When he didn't answer right away, I could guess what the answer
was.
     "Um," he said.  I was right.  They were still home.  "They're still
home, but they're supposed to go out to some party tonight."
     "Like when?"
     "Ahh... about six or so."
     I tried to look at a watch that wasn't there.
     "Ah, it's gonna be a while.  Whatcha wanna do 'til then?"
     I was getting tired, and irritable, and I tend to say bad things
when I get that way.  "Oh, how about Westcross Mall?"  Things that get
me in trouble.
     "Are you serious?  Miss Stay-in-the-Car?"
     "Bite me, Mike..."

***
15:11 23 Nov

     "Well?" he asked as he shut off the car.
     "Well.  Um."  I stared at the buildings.  Westcross was a _big_
mall.  And the parking lot said it was crowded.  Just what I liked, not.
     He opened his door and got out.  I sighed, and did the same.  When
I made it out and shut the door, he was already a couple of cars down.
     "Mike!  Wait up!"  I scrambled to catch up with him.  Slowly.
     "What?"
     I pointed at the slush on the ground.  There were some seriously
frozen patches out there.  "I, uh... I'm scared I'll slip again.  I hate
these shoes."
     "You want my arm again?"
     "Um, I dunno."  We watched as someone almost slammed into a moving
car after they slipped.  "Yeah, I guess I'd better."  He held his arm
out.  I grabbed on to it.  We walked to the entrance, slowly.
     He held the door for me again.  I tried to kick him, but I missed.
He laughed, then he grabbed my elbow and pulled me inside.  I did manage
to hit him, though.

***
15:14 23 Nov

     "Well?"
     "Um...."
     Pause.
     "This was your idea, _Valerie_."  I was really beginning to hate
that name.  "What do you want to do?" he asked with mock patience.
     "Oh....hell.  Um... Julia suggested I pick up a Christmas present
for Debbie."
     "I thought you didn't have any money left."
     "So we go to an ATM first, Mike."

***
15:21 23 Nov

     Beep beep beep.  Pause.  Whirrrcliklicklicklicklicklicklick-shunk.
     "Jeezus, how much are you getting?"  I grabbed the wad of cash out
of the slot.
     "I figure if I'm stuck here until six, I might as well do the
Christmas shopping thing."  I did _not_ tell him how much I pulled out.
     "How many people are you buying for?"
     "Oh, Mom and Dad, Susan I guess, Brian, Debbie of course, George,
my Grandfather, my two aunts, maybe something for my cousins..."  I
tried to think if I was missing anyone.
     "What about me?"
     "Only if you're very good today."
     "Hey, I came and picked you up today.  I _could_ have been playing
Warcraft in a nice warm dry house instead."
     "Well, that's a plus.  So we just see if you can get enough pluses
to add up to a Christmas present."
     "You're one hardassed bitch," he told me.  We were walking by this
old couple, and they turned and looked astonished at us.  I caught this
out of the corner of my eye as I slugged Mike in the shoulder.  Hard.
     "Ow," he remarked.

***
15:28 23 Nov

     "Jeez, it's just like last time," he remarked.
     "What is?" I asked nervously.  People were staring at me again.
Especially the younger guys, the ones that really hate faggots.  The
ones that really don't like nice calm reasonable explanations, like "I'm
just wearing this so I can bonk my girlfriend at her house without her
mom catching us."
     Come to think of it, I wouldn't have believed me if I told me that.
     "They're all looking at you," Mike told me.
     "Oh, peachy.  Just what I need to hear."
     "None of 'em are looking at you funny, though."
     "You're not paying attention.  They're all looking at me funny."
     "No, you just think they're looking at you funny 'cause you're not
used to guys looking at you like they want you."
     Erk.  I clutched my chest as it tightened.  "Any other good news?"
I gasped rhetorically.
     "Um, you look better dressed than half the girls in here.  That's
why the girls are checking you out; they want to see what the
competition is doing."
     "Mike!"  I turned to face him.  "Stop it!  I'm running close to a
heart attack, right here.  I'm too young to die.  And I _don't_ want to
die like _this_!"  I waved my hand over my clothes.
     He held up his hands defensively.  "Hey, _you_ asked, and that's
what they're doing.  Not my fault, and I'm not doing it.  Just go with
the flow.  You've got one thing in your favor, anyway."
     "Oh?" I asked sarcastically.  I couldn't think of anything myself
at the moment.  "What's that?"
     "They seem to think we're together, so the guys aren't hitting on
you.  Which is why the girls keep looking at us funny, they can't figure
out why a fox like you is walking around with a nerd like myself."  I
stared at him, flabbergasted.  "Well, you know, a nerd only becomes a
superior breeding partner when he gets one of those nice fifty thou a
year jobs.  Which we ain't gonna have yet."
     "Stop calling me a fox!" was what finally made its way out of my
mouth.
     "If the foo shits... come on, where's this boot place?"  He stared
at me for a while.  I just gibbered, silently.  He waved his hand in
front of my eyes.  "Hey, control C here, video input interrupt, are you
receiving?"
     I finally shook my head, trying to clear it.  "This is getting too
weird, Mike."
     "Oh, you noticed?"  He shook his head, sadly.  "It got that way
when you, of all people, got a regular girlfriend.  And Debbie Carstairs
at that.  I just decided to take whatever happens, and worry about going
insane later on, when I can afford some nice big-titted psych nurses to
lick me back to health."
     "You're an asshole, Mike."  An asshole I could deal with, though.
I started walking again, but made sure I didn't look too hard at anyone
else.
     "That's why I'm gonna make it in the business world, Val."
     I had my doubts.  He wasn't that much of an asshole.

***
15:37 23 Nov

     "Those are pretty nice boots.  You sure about this?"
     "They're supposed to be on sale, Julia said she bought some today."
I picked one up and looked all over it for a price tag.  I almost choked
when I saw $159 on the bottom.  "Erk!"
     "Jeez," commented Mike before he pointed at a sign on the wall.
"Blue dot, sixty percent off." I took a breath.  Point forty times one
sixty was... $64.  Plus tax.
     "I could live with that, I guess," I said.  "You think Debbie owuld
like this kind?"
     "She's not my g-, uh, my best friend, I dunno."  He shrugged.
     "Thanks just a whole bunch, Mike."
     "Can I help you?" oozed the sales guy from behind us.
     "Um," we both said, then Mike, being helpful, said, "Yeah, my
friend would like to see these boots in, um, what's your size?"  I hate
it when he's helpful.
     "Uh, I'm not sure, these are Debbie's shoes..."
     "Well, miss," *Argh!* I shrieked inside my head, "let's measure
your feet, shall we?"
     "Well, um-"
     "Sure," Mike said.  "After that growth spurt you were talking
about, you might as well make sure the shoes fit."  I couldn't kick him
but I could pinch him, which I did, digging the stubs of nails I had
into the flesh of his arm.  "NNn," he breathed as he tried to pull my
pincers loose.  My sister used to do this to me a lot, when she thought
I needed to be controlled subtly.  As opposed to the non-subtle head
locks she used when she could get away with them.
     "But these are for Debbie, Mike, remember?" I asked sweetly.  I
hadn't _quite_ drawn blood, but it was close.  Good enough for the
moment.
     "Yeah, but those," he pointed at my feet, "are her shoes, and they
fit you like they were made for you, so if they fit you with hose in,
they'll fit her with socks."  He rubbed his arm.
     The sales dweeb nodded.  "If you can wear her shoes without
problems, then she could wear anything you pick out without problems
either."  Slimeball.  He just wanted my sixty four dollars plus tax.

***
15:39 23 Nov

     "Size eight?  Gosh, you're so petite, Valerie!"
     "Fuck _off_, Mike!" I hissed at him.  This was getting humiliating.

***
15:43 23 Nov

     "How do they feel, miss?" the sales weenie asked me as he felt up
my foot.  "Do they pinch anywhere?"
     "Only when you poke me," I shot back, which he laughed
professionally at.  He didn't stop fondling my foot, or the boot,
whichever.
     "Why don't you walk around for a little, see how they feel?" he
finally said, after he got done feeling me up.
     "Yeah," I sighed, so I walked around for a little in the boots.
They sure felt a lot better than the heels did, that's for sure.
     "Why don't you see what they look like in the mirror?" suggested
Mike, and the sales slime nodded.
     "You're both a bunch of assholes," I muttered, very quietly, under
my breath as I walked over to the little mirror.  I gingerly pulled the
skirt up until I could see the tops of the boots.  Then I stared
intently at the mirror until I could imagine Debbie wearing them.  It
was a good image.

***
15:45 23 Nov

     "Well, if these are for a gift, perhaps I could interest you in
something for you?"
     "Ah," I started to say no.
     "Sure!" said Mike before I could finish.
     "Great!" smiled the sales slime.  "Do you have something in mind?"
     "Mmm, something in a flat, maybe?" suggested Mike.  He turned to
me.  "You'd really look good in something like that," he pointed over to
a table, and the sales guy bounded over there.
     "This one?" he asked.  Mike nodded, and the slime went to the back
to get a pair.
     I decided to hurt Mike, badly.  "You asshole!" I hissed.  I reached
for him, but he grabbed both my wrists.  I couldn't get loose without
trying something really rude, like flinging us both on the floor or
biting him or something, but I tried to overpower him before the slime
came back.  It didn't work.
     He leaned in towards my ear. "Look, dumbass," he whispered,
"remember what I said about this not being the last time with Debbie?
You might as well be comfortable.  And maybe you can get Debbie to pay
you back for part of it, anyway.  Call it an investment and she'll go
for it."  He leaned back.
     I wanted to kill him, badly, but he was too close to right.
     Instead, I pleaded with him.  Begging had worked a lot in my life
before now.  "Okay, whatever, but Mike, _lay off_, okay?  I'm scared to
death just walking around, and it's like you're rubbing salt into a
scraped knee!  Stop trying to get me into trouble, please!"
     Mike dropped my wrists just before the guy came back.

***
15:47 23 Nov

     "They look good on you," Mike said, and they both nodded.  They
were both assholes.
     "I don't have that much money to spend, Mike."
     "Yeah, but you need _something_ besides sneakers.  You can't keep
borrowing Debbie's shoes when you want to look nice."  He turned to the
sales guy.  "She hates dressing up," Mike told him.
     "Mike!" I warned Mike, but he ignored it.
     "Well, you can't really beat the price.  Sixty percent off," he
said, like I was supposed to be really impressed.
     "Yeah, I guess..." I said unenthusiastically.
     "Great!" said the slime.  Enthusiastically.
     They were both assholes, that's all there was to it.

***
15:51 23 Nov

     We left after the slime invited me to come back.  Yeah, right, not.
     I checked my wallet.  "Well, shit."  There went most of my money.
     "Think of it as an investment in your sexual future.  Or at least
think of your feet."
     "Stop being an asshole!" I shrieked at him.
     I guess I did it too loud, because a whole bunch of people looked
over at us.
     "Hey, I'm not being an asshole, I'm being a realist," Mike said
calmly.  "Now, stop screaming if you don't want attention."
     "I'M NOT-"  Yes I was.  "I'm not screaming," I said in a low voice.
"But I will be if you keep this up, Michael."  He hated being called
Michael, which is why I did it.  "Stop picking on me!"
     "Well, _Valerie_, _I_ had nothing to do with this.  And you're
getting some and I'm not, so you just have to live with it if you want
my help.  Or get me laid too."
     "Uh," I said cleverly.  Then, lightbulb.  "You're jealous!"
     "Yeah, sort of," he said, taking a deep breath.  "You would be too
if it was me getting some and not you."
     Pause.
     "Uhh," I finally admitted.
     "Yeah, see?  So just live with it.  I'm not gonna get you into
trouble, but _I_ think you oughta think about what happens to your poor
buddy and best friend when you show up looking like that and telling him
about last night being the best and first sex you ever had when he
hasn't had any.  And how he would feel.  And I'm _still_ looking out for
your best interests.  Don't your feet feel better?"
     "Ah.  Um, yeah, I guess," I reluctantly admitted again.
     "There, see?  Now, what else do you want to look at?  We still got
a couple of hours."
     "Um..."

***
16:35 23 Nov

     "Thank you, and happy holidays!"
     "Thanks," I managed to choke out.
     "Those are really cool," said Mike about the earrings I'd just
purchased.  "They for your mom?"
     "Naw, for Susan.  She gets into the funky earring thing."
     "Whatcha gonna get for your mom?"
     "Dunno yet.  I'm still looking for ideas..."

***
16:52 23 Nov

     "Nice watch," Mike remarked.
     "Hope Mom likes it.  Her last one died when she found my room
alarm."  Electric shocks did bad things to quartz watches.
     "I thought it was your dad."
     "Naw, Dad went to the ER for when he found Brian's panty collection
under his desk and sat up so hard he busted his head open.  Blood all
over the place."
     "Where did your brother get any panties?"
     I shook my head.  "Nobody knows!  He had to have stolen them, but
nobody can figure out from who, unless he was stealing them from Susan.
But some of them don't fit her.  He never said, of course.  Kept saying
they were from his girlfriends."  Mike snorted at that.  "Yeah.  Me, I
make sure anything I don't want Dad to find is gone if he comes in to
help me upgrade _my_ computer.  Anyway, we thought mom was gonna have to
go to the ER too, even though I tested it on me first and didn't have
any problems, but when she got up, she chased me around the house for
like five minutes screaming at the top of her lungs that this was the
last straw, she was going to throw everything electronic away, et
cetera, so we knew she was okay.  I just ended up grounded for two
weeks, remember?"  I chuckled.  "Though not the same way Mom was."  We
both laughed at that.  "Geek Joke!"
     "Why only two weeks?  If I electrocuted my mom, I'd probably be in
jail."
     "'Cause Dad pointed out to Mom that there was a big sign on the
door saying 'Warning!  Electrical shock hazard!'  He said that was all
the warning they put on those big transformer boxes, and if she wouldn't
take something like that seriously in this house, but that was when she
started screaming at him instead of me, and I took off."
     Mike shook his head.  "Must be nice to have a nerd for a dad,
instead of mine."  His dad was a minister.
     I shrugged.  "At least we talk the same language."

***
17:08 23 Nov

     "Ohhh, man," Mike said reverently as we watched the lights on the
bow tie as it spun around.  I just stared at it.  "That's disgusting!"
     "That's for Dad," I finally said decisively.  "That's it.  He
_hates_ wearing ties, and he always wears those Looney Tunes ones at
work when they make him wear one.  But _this_, this'd be even _better_!"
     "You're a real chip off the old wafer, aren't you?" Mike accused.
     "Like nerd, like geek."

***
17:14 23 Nov

     "Why do I have to carry everything?" Mike complained as he switched
hands again.
     "'Cause it looks more authentic that way.  And _you_ said I oughta
get into this more, so _you_ can carry everything like an effing
gentleman."
     "Well, fu- shit."  He was looking over at something.
     "What?"
     "Couple of guys from school.  Dan-the-Man and someone else.  Shit."
*Ohshit!*  "Look," he said, turning around, "Don't panic.  Go take all
this and go sit on the bench over there, and I'll distract 'em, okay?
Don't get up or attract any attention, and keep your back pointing this
way, okay?"  He handed me everything without waiting for a reply.  "Go!"
he shooed.  I got.

***
17:16 23 Nov

     I was desperately worried as to whether they had seen me, or what
they were doing.  But I knew better than to look around.
     *Waitaminute, if I had a mirror...*  I dug through the purse I'd
been lugging around all day.  Sure enough, the powder compact had a
mirror in it, like I thought I remembered.
     I felt like a spy as I scanned around, trying to find Mike or Dan
or anyone.  No sign of any of them.  *Did Mike skip out on me?* I
wondered.  *If he did, I'm gonna kill him, I'm gonna-*
     "Hey, demo kid."  My attention shot forward again.  In front of me
was a girl I vaguely recognized from somewhere.  She had me pegged,
though.  *One of Lisa's party guests?*
     "You were the victim at the Mary Kay makeup demo, right?" she
asked, smiling at me.
     My mind screamed, but my throat was paralyzed, like in a dream, and
I couldn't say anything at all.
     "I thought I recognized you," she said conversationally as she sat
down next to me.  "So, what _are_ you doing out like that?  You look a
lot different, but I think being a blonde suits you."
     "Ah!  Ah, ah, ah, don't hurt me!" I gasped out when I started
breathing again.
     "No, it's okay, I'm cool with it," she said gently.  "I just
wondered what was going on, since the other girl seemed so, you know,
with you and all."  She looked at me sort of funny.  "Do you feel
alright?"
     I shook my head.  "Ah," I gasped, "No.  Too much today."  I felt
real ill, all of a sudden.
     "Yeah, you look kind of pale.  Here," she moved off the bench.
"Turn sideways and put your legs up, okay?  Come on, there you go."  She
had to help me do it.  Her hands were nice and cool.  "Bend your knees
up, rest your head on your knees, like that, there you go..."

***
17:18 23 Nov

     I felt better, sort of.  At least she wasn't pointing at me and
announcing everything to the world.
     "Feel better?"  I nodded.  "So what's going on that's got you so
freaked?  You seemed really in control of things at the demo."
     I took a deep breath, and started to explain.

***
17:24 23 Nov

     She giggled.  "And she thought of that so you two could sleep
together?  Sounds like a bad sitcom plot!"
     "Yeah, I know, but it worked, 'cause when her mom checked on us
this morning," I paused as I thought about it.  "Jeez, it was only this
morning.  Seems like last week.  Anyway," I went on, "her mom checked on
us, and didn't do anything.  Told us both to go back to sleep.  We were
in the same bed," I explained.
     She was shaking her head, one hand over her mouth.  "Oh my God, oh
my God..."  Then she started to laugh quietly.

***
17:25 23 Nov

     "So you're like _stuck_ like that until your friend's folks leave?"
she asked incredulously.
     I shrugged.  "I'm not gonna go _home_ like this.  And I can't go
into the restroom and change, either.  And I need to shower first, too."
     "Well, if your friend doesn't show up, I guess I could give you a
ride and let you change in my room and stuff."
     "You'd do that?"  I was stunned.
     She shrugged at me.  "Yeah, I guess, I mean..." she shook her head
again, smiling, "this is just so weird!  Anyway, I just, it'd really
suck if it like ended with him taking off or something.  I dunno, like
it'd be the wrong ending to the story.  I guess if anyone has the guts
to try that, what you're doing, then I could help them out, you know?
It's epic," she stated, satisfied.  "Truly epic."
     "I guess," I said, not understanding.  But what the hell...
     "Oh!  I'm Rachel, by the way."
     "Um... Tucker.  But I'm going by Valerie at the moment."
     "Oh, right, right," she giggled.  "Nice to meet you."  We shook
hands.
     "So what's in all the bags?" she asked.  "I see you went to
Turner's..."

***
17:28 23 Nov

     Rachel and I were laughing about her first time on high heels when
Mike wandered up.
     "Hey, I'm sor-"  He stopped as he saw Rachel.
     "Hi, you must be the friend Valerie was waiting for," she said,
standing up.  "I think she's kind of anxious to go home," she added,
glancing at me.  "Oh, wait a sec..."  She reached into her purse, pulled
out a pad, and started scribbling.  "Let me give you my number, here..."
     Mike stared at both of us, back and forth.  I borrowed the pen and
pad when she was done, and wrote out my number to give to her.  Fair was
fair, and she seemed pretty nice.  "Here's mine, too."  She took mine
and put it away.
     Rachel said, "Anyway, give me a call sometime, okay?"  I nodded.
"Nice seeing you, Valerie.  Good luck, huh?"  And she walked off.  I
stuck her number in my wallet.
     "Where were you anyway?" I asked Mike as I stuck the number inside
my wallet.  He just stared after Rachel.  "Mike!  She's too old for you
and she already has a boyfriend.  Give it up."
     He finally looked back at me.  "What the _hell_...."

***
17:31 23 Nov

     "So she thought it was cool?"
     I shrugged.  "She gave me her number, didn't she?"
     He just shook his head.
     "Anyway," I changed the subject, "what took _you_ so long?"
     "Oh, hell," he leaned back on the bench and ran his fingers through
his hair.  "I couldn't tell them I was with you, or with a girl, or with
anyone, so they thought I was really bored, hanging around a mall, so
they dragged me off to go look at something, and I finally managed to
escape after a while, but it took like forever, but at least I got rid
of them at the other end of the mall.  So if you wanna take off, this'd
be a good time."
     "That's" I said as I stood up, "the best idea you've had all day.
Let's make like a tree and get outta here."

***
17:34 23 Nov

     Mike hung up the phone.  "They're just leaving for the party,
they'll be gone when we get to the house."
     I sagged against the wall.  "Oh, thank you, God..."

***
18:14 23 Nov

     "Jeezus, be careful with those, they have all my clothes in them!"
Not like I was paranoid or anything about my guy clothes, haha.
     "No sweat," he said, hoisting them up and trotting off to the
house.
     "Yeah, no sweat for you..."
     "Hey, I'm carrying 'em."
     "Just unlock the door, Mike!  It's raining harder!"

***
18:17 23 Nov

     I stood, watching him, my hands on the hem of the sweater.  He
stood, leaning against the linen closet, watching me.
     "Well?"
     "What?" asked Mike, all innocent.
     "Get out," I said patiently.
     "What's the big deal?  I saw you after Halloween and-"
     "GET OUT!" I screamed, and managed to catch him off balance when I
pushed him.  He stumbled out of the bathroom, and I locked and slammed
the door before he could get his hand on the doorknob.
     I knew he was going to get a screwdriver or something to pop the
lock, so I pulled the small wedge of wood I'd been carrying in my ski
jacket for a month, and spiked the door shut.  *Knew it would come in
handy eventually,* I thought happily.  I mean, that's why I carried all
the stuff in the jacket to begin with.
     Now to start taking all this damn stuff off.

***
18:38 23 Nov

     "Ahhhh," I breathed happily as the hot water washed over my body,
taking the makeup and perfume and sweat with it.  A little soap would
help, though.  So would a lot of soap.

***
18:51 23 Nov

     So would some of that damned makeup remover goop.
     "I hate this," I muttered as I scrubbed at my face.

***
19:03 23 Nov

     "Sheeeewwwwww," I breathed as cold, fresh air whooshed into the
bathroom.  I grabbed the packed bags and went to go find Mike.
     *Bet he's sulking 'cause he couldn't watch,* I thought nastily.

***
19:09 23 Nov

     "So, you hungry, dude?"
     "Again?  Mike, you are a pig, do you know that?"
     "Oink oink.  So, are you hungry or not?  I'm starved."
     "Nah, I think I'd better-"
     "Hey, Mom left pizza money!"
     This was different.  "Had pizza.  How 'bout some Chinese?"
     He shrugged.  "Sure, why not?"

***
19:31 23 Nov

     "You gonna eat that?"
     "Yeah I'm gonna eat it!" I snarled through the mouthful of fried
rice.
     "Jeez, just asked, you don't have to get uptight about it."
     "Yeah, well, make your move, scum, and prepare to die."  We stared
at the computer screen.

***
20:12 23 Nov

     "Mike, I think I need to go home now.  My parents are probably
about to rent my room out."
     "Oh, yeah, is kinda late, isn't it.  Let's go."

***
20:41 23 Nov

     "Eugene, where have you been all day?"
     "Uh, went out with Mike after staying over at Dave's.  We kinda
hung out all day."
     Mom glared at me.  "Why didn't you call so we knew where you were?
I was worried sick about you!  Something might have happened, and..."
     I tuned her out, thinking, *Oh, if you only knew...*

***

"If I read about one more _______ing bubble bath..."

TS Tip #6: Please ensure all genitalia are covered before exiting.

"Tallyho!"      \   /     @>--,--'--  ehayes@nym.alias.net  + vicki .sig
Ellen Hayes --=(*)=(*)=-- Renaissance Woman    ==[--------  + virus 9.1a


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