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Walks Like a Tuck

Copyright 1997 by Ellen Hayes.

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given to the original author, me.  Any resemblance between the writings
in this work, and any actual persons or places, living or dead, are
purely coincidental, except when used for satirical purposes.

All rights reserved.

Furthermore,
This work contains adult situations, adult language, adult concepts, and
possibly sex.  If you are legally not allowed to read materials
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this.  I am not responsible.
Continuing to read this document, or storing it or reproducing it
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state, and country.


Walks Like a Tuck

***
19:37 3 Jan

     "I dunno, it just... I mean, they were talking like MAYBE he'd be
able to walk, like it wasn't sure yet."
     Debbie just shook her head.  We walked through the mall, her in her
new boots, jeans and a large denim jacket, me in the usual ski jacket,
plaid shirt and jeans.
     I continued, "So, I dunno, I was getting this crazy idea..."
     She looked at me, her eyes wide.  "YOU?  Like what?"
     I hoped I wasn't going to regret this.

***
16:12 4 Jan

     "Hi guys," Lisa chirped as she opened the door for us.  She must've
seen us pull up.
     "Hey, Lisa, how did the visit go?" asked Debbie.
     "Oh, it sucked, really bad.  Really really bad.  I hate them."

***
17:14 4 Jan

     I'd hoped to be able to get out of Lisa's house without meeting her
parents, but luck was no longer with me.  I guess I'd sort of spent it
all on the synthesizer.
     "Lisa, where are you going?"
     "Hi, Mom, this is Valerie, we're gonna go visit Bobby in the
hospital, remember, he's the one that got hit by the DWI before
Christmas after the dance."
     Her mom's faced screwed up.  "Oh, that's horrible.  Well, remember
your curfew this time, alright?"
     "Yes Mom," Lisa sighed as she dragged me out.
     "Nice meeting you," said her mom.  I said the same thing back as I
got pulled out of sight.
     "So where did Debbie get off to?" Lisa asked as we got into her
car.
     "She, uh, she said she had a consult to do tonight, which sort of
sucks."
     Lisa sighed.  "Yeah, I wish she didn't work so much."
     "At least you're not dating her.  I see less of her than you do, I
think."
     She looked at me, and snickered.  "Well, true, I guess.  Don't take
it personal."

***
17:43 4 Jan

     "I hate hospitals," she said as we rode up the elevator.
     "Me too!" I shuddered.  I'd already spent enough time in one to
last me until I was about eighty.

***
17:48 4 Jan

     Visiting hours weren't until six.
     "I thought you checked," complained Lisa.
     I protested.  "I did, I just didn't think we'd get done this fast."
     "It goes faster when you do something simple," she explained,
waving her hand at me.  I was wearing one of Lisa's sweaters, which was
mostly deep blue with a lot of patterns on it, and a long pleated skirt
in navy.  I'd insisted on leggings, just in case, because I was so
damned cold the last time.  Actually, I'd tried for keeping my thermal
underwear, but that got nixed.  I was, however, wearing my flats.  There
was a blouse somewhere under the sweater, and a whole mess of other
things which got lacier as you went down through layers, but nobody was
ever going to see them anyway.  That, and a whole bunch of jewelry from
both of them, rounded things out.  I hoped they could keep track of
whose was which, because _I_ sure couldn't.
     And Lisa said this was _simple_.

***
18:02 4 Jan

     "Miss?  You can see your friend now."
     We got up and wandered down the hall until we got to Bobby's room.
I hesitated at the door, trying to get my courage up.  Finally, I took a
deep breath, and pushed the door open.
     He looked bad, still.  I could see that from the doorway.  Lisa's
breathing down my neck got me to move further into the room.  They had
him in some serious bondage.  I wanted to scream and run.  Instead, I
went up to the bed.
     "Bobby?"
     He opened his eyes, and looked around him, like he wasn't sure if
he was awake or not.  Then he focused on me.  "'Ey."
     "Um."  What do you say?  "Hi.  Lisa and I thought we'd come by and
see you."
     "Hey, how're ya doin'?" he asked.  He sounded really stoned.
     "Okay, I guess."
     "Hi, Bobster," said Lisa after a long pause.
     "Lisa, hey, how're you?  How's your Christmas?"
     She made a face.  "Sucked.  Spent it with my family.  I'd rather
have spent it in jail."
     "That bad, uh?" Bobby remarked.
     "How was yours?" asked Lisa.  I looked at her in amazement.
*That's so callous!*  I mean, he _had_ to have spent it in the
hospital... I'd hated it, bad, when I did it.
     "Oh, so-so.  Got some stuff I won't be able to use for a while,
some cool stuff.  Had Christmas here, sort of, but then they threw
everyone out an' I got to have some quiet."
     I tossed out, "Um, I guess nobody'd want to hear about mine?"
     Bobby said, "Uh?" but Lisa said, "Not if it was like Normal
Rockwell, no.  Some of us don't have those kind of lives."
     "Well, I sure as hell don't, not with you and Debbie hanging
around," I snapped back.
     Bobby started to laugh.  "You two," he wheezed.  "You're funny."
We both shrugged.  "This is not a funny place," he elaborated.
     Lisa said, "Yeah, but, fuckit, ya know?"  She pulled a chair out
and sat on it.  "So what did you get?"

[Ed: Normal Rockwell - like the 50's and earlier.  What "family values"
pundits want to go back to.  Not possible under $50k/year, if at all.]

***
18:22 4 Jan

     Lisa was right.  Fuck it.  I'd been in the hospital enough that I
shoud have remembered what it was like.  Mostly mind crushing boredom,
when it wasn't pain or choking to death.  Not that Bobby was having that
particular problem.
     "So, anyway," Lisa continued, "he's thinking that it's Gail that's
interested in him, but it's Tiff, right?  So he goes up to Gail, and
says, hey, want to go to the dance?  And she says no, and he says but
what about the note, and she said-"
     "Hey," interrupted a deep voice by the door.  We looked over, and
it was Travis.  "What's up?"  He waved at us and walked over to the bed.
     "Gettin' the news from Radio Lisa here," said Bobby, who was a lot
more awake than when we had come in.
     "Oh?  Like what?"
     "Like the latest dust-up between Tim Faulkner and Marc, uh, that
guy Gail's going out with," said Lisa.
     "What?"
     I was glad I wasn't the only one that was confused.

***
19:01 4 Jan

     "Okay, kids, visiting hours are over."
     Everyone sighed, even me.  It was weird in there, playing like I
was one of the normal people for a change.  Weird being normal, I guess,
is the story of my life.
     Then something sort of tapped me on the brain.  "Oh, I almost
forgot," I said, and dug through the backpack at my feet.
     "Forgot what?" asked Bobby.
     "Something else to keep you busy for a while," I said, as I got it
out.  "Half a dozen of the latest cycle magazines.  Lisa said you're
into that sort of thing."  I spread them like cards and showed them to
him.
     Reverently, he whistled.  "Oh, wow, thanks.  Thanks a lot."
     Lisa nudged me hard, so I added, "Half of them are from Lisa, too."
     "Oh, wow," Bobby said again.  "Oh, thanks a lot, you don't know
what that means, now I'm not stuck on daytime soaps any more."  We all
laughed at that.  "Hey Trav."
     "Yeah bud?"
     "Give these two ladies a kiss.  I'm kinda fucked up at the moment,
man."  He laughed, and watched.
     Travis didn't waste any time grabbing Lisa, and Lisa didn't waste
any time fighting him, either.  Then he turned to me.
     I went, "Uh," without meaning to.  Bobby laughed.  Travis asked the
question with his eyebrows.
     Lisa nodded at me.
     "Um," I said, then I stood up.  "Just a small one," I said, turning
to Bobby.  "It wasn't that big a deal."
     Travis gave me a kiss on the cheek, which I think made it the
fourth time he'd done that.  Then I sort of looked off into the distance
as I thought about something.
     Before I thought about it too long, I bent down to Bobby and kissed
him on the cheek.  "Take care of yourself, okay?"
     It seemed like the right thing to do.  If I didn't think about it
too much.
     Lisa got up and went around to the other side and gave him a kiss
too, as I got the backpack back in order.  When Travis came up to the
bed, though, Bobby pointed at him.  "Oh, no, not you!  Anybody but you!
AnyTHING but you!"  We all laughed at that, and Travis shook his hand
instead, and messed up his hair.

***
19:04 4 Jan

     "Thanks for visiting him," said Travis quietly as we walked down to
the elevators.
     I shrugged.  "No problem," said Lisa, which was the correct lie.
It was only a minor problem anyway.
     "So what are you two doing tonight?" he asked us.
     "Doing?" shot out of my mouth.
     "Yeah."  He pressed the down button.  "There's this party..."

***
19:08 4 Jan

     "But-"
     "Oh, come on, it'll be fun."  Lisa inspected her eye makeup in the
bathroom mirror.
     "But-"
     "You'll like it.  Besides, the last one kind of ended on a bad
note."
     "But I don't _want_ to go to a party tonight!"
     "SURE you do!"  She waved a hand at me.  "You're all dressed for
one already."
     Nice and simple, my ass.
     She added spitefully, "Besides, you agreed to that deal, and you
got some of the cash already."  She would have to bring that up.
     "But-"
     "We'll get you home by midnight, how about that?"
     "But-"
     "Great, I knew you'd come around!"

***
19:10 4 Jan

     "Hello?" said my mom.
     "Dad?"
     "No, Eugene, this is your mother," Mom said tiredly.  I was glad
Travis couldn't hear this conversation.  Even though he was right next
to the phone booth.
     "Uh, well, I got invited to this party on the spur of the moment,
and Lisa really wants to go-"
     "I thought her name was Debbie?"
     "What?"  It took me a second.  "Oh, this is Debbie's best friend.
She wants me to, ah, go to this party we just heard about."
     "Well, alright... you know you're supposed to be home by one."
     I sighed.  "I know, I know... I'll call you if something comes up,
which I hope this time it won't."  I _really_ hoped nothing would come
up like the last time.
     "How is he doing, anyway?"
     "Um, he seemed okay, I guess..."

***
19:13 4 Jan

     Travis suggested, "Dinner?"
     I was glad Lisa had agreed to give me some cash instead of paying
for the synth like we'd agreed.  This social thing just kept adding up
and adding up...

***
19:38 4 Jan

     "Valerie?" Travis said as we were standing in line.
     "Yeah?"
     "Thanks a lot for going to visit Bobby.  Sheila's only seen him
twice, and he's been kinda down about it.  I know he really appreciated
you coming."  He looked really solemn when he said all this, which made
me kind of nervous.
     "Uh, well, sure, it's, uh, it's no big deal."
     "Thanks anyway.  Even if it is no big deal."
     He was Looking at me again.  I hated that.

***
19:47 4 Jan

     "So when do you go back to New York?" he asked before he mauled his
burger.
     "Um, tomorrow I fly back, and we start school on Monday."
     "Wow, that's not much time," commented Lisa, like she believed what
I was saying.
     "Um, I know," I said, "but, uh, I'm not gonna be able to see my dad
for a long time, so..."
     "But you'll be back for spring break, right?" Lisa said.
     "Um, I-"  She kicked me in the leg.  Hard.  "I dunno.  Maybe.  It
all depends."  Maybe I could run off to New York.

***
20:09 4 Jan

     Lisa asked, "Well, Valerie, which car do you want to go in?"  She
would ask that, of course.
     Travis said, "Why don't you ride with me, and that way I can find
out how your Christmas went."  He jerked a thumb at Lisa.  "She hates
the whole idea, so I don't talk about it around her."
     "Hey," Lisa snapped, "if YOU had the family _I_ have, you wouldn't
be such a prick about it."
     I figured I'd stay out of this one.

***
20:12 4 Jan

     "So did you get your sythesizer?" Travis asked as he maneuvered out
of the parking lot.
     "Yeah," I chuckled.  "It was kinda funny what happened..."

***
20:15 4 Jan

     "No, I've only been skiing once.  And no, I didn't really like it."
     "It's a lot of fun, if you get a little practice in."
     "So's alligator wrestling," I said back.
     He laughed at that, long enough that I started to chuckle too.

***
20:21 4 Jan

     "So is your cousin cute?" he grinned.
     "Amy?  She's fourteen."
     "Never mind," we both chorused.  I snickered.

***
20:27 4 Jan

     "So why is Lisa so down on Christmas?" I asked.
     "Oh," he waved his hands, "she hates her parents, and thinks her
other relatives are worse."
     "Are they?" I asked after a long pause.
     He tapped his fingers on the steering wheel.  "It's... hard to say.
They're... very busy, and they don't have a lot of time for Lisa, but
what time they do have, they seem to want things their way and their way
only.  According to Lisa, anyway."  Oh, I guess that's where Lisa got
it.  "They think quality time can be scheduled, regulated, you know.
Like, they have to be DOING something, not just sitting around.  And
Lisa usually has her own plans, and you can guess how she hates to have
her plans messed up."
     I nodded.  She did indeed.
     "And her relatives _are_ worse."

***
20:32 4 Jan

     "Oh, God, how many people are here?" I said without thinking about
it.
     "Dunno," said Travis as he went down the block looking for a
parking space.  There weren't many left.
     He finally found one, and pulled in and killed the engine.  "Same
deal as last time?" he offered.  "You say when you want to leave, and
I'll take you... wherever?"
     I took a deep breath.  "Okay."

***
20:33 4 Jan

     He took my arm as we walked up the sidewalk.  I sort of wanted to
yank it away, but figured it would be out of character.  Also out of
character would be running away screaming, but I was getting used to
resisting that impulse.
     When the door opened up, there was a blast of noise and light.
"Hey!" said this girl's voice, as I stared into the vortex and tried to
see what was going on.  "Travis!  Glad you could make it!  Who's this?"
A shadow stepped out of the way, and Travis pushed me in.
     As I turned, I could see who was talking, finally.  Looked like a
cheerleader.  *Oh great,* I thought.  *Jock party.*
     "Anne, meet Valerie.  Valerie, this is Anne."  We waved at each
other.  She asked something with her eyebrows, and if I understood her
right, the answer was no.  I shook my head.
     She glanced over at Travis, then said, "Well, come on in before
you let all the heat out."  She slammed the door behind us.  "Dancing's
that way," she said, pointing.
     "Oh, great!" Travis gushed.
     "Oh, great," I muttered as he didn't let go of my arm as he walked
off the way she had pointed.
     "What?"
     "Nothing," I smiled at him.  I could be nice.  I _would_ be nice.

***
21:02 4 Jan

     "I SAID I NEED A BREAK!"  If I didn't get a break, I wasn't going
to be nice any more.
     "OKAY, LET'S GET A DRINK OR SOMETHING."
     "OKAY!"
     I was going to have to get some earplugs.  Or something.  At least
I had flats this time.

***
21:08 4 Jan

     "So what's New York like?"
     I wanted to scream.  At least Travis could make intelligent
conversation.  But he'd wandered off somewhere.

***
21:13 4 Jan

    "Oh, hey Valerie," said Lisa behind me, like we hadn't just gone to
dinner.
     "Lisa!  I need to talk to you for a minute," I said, getting up.
     "What?" she asked as I dragged her off.
     I whispered in her ear, "Anything but 'What's it like in New
York?'"  The last bit came out kind of harsh.
     "Well..." she started to explain.
     "I don't care!  I'm sick of it.  Find me someone intelligent to
talk to."
     She lifted her eyebrows.  "There's me, and Travis, and this other
guy, he's _smart_, sort of, but I don't think you'd like to talk to
him..."

***
21:18 4 Jan

     "Win 95 SUCKS!" I countered.
     Mark scoffed.  "Not if you know how to keep it up."
     I snorted.  "The whole _point_ of an operating system is that it
shouldn't require keeping up.  I've had to reload it THIRTY-ONE times.
THIRTY ONE," I emphasized with the drink I'd gotten.  "It EATS things,
it eats ITSELF, it pukes all the time, it..."  I was at a loss
momentarily.
     Mark took over.  "Well, the only time I've ever had problem with it
is when there was a lightning storm.  Maybe you should get a surge
protector or a line conditioner-"
     "The whole system is running off a three-hour UPS with a dual bank
of cells.  It's _never_ connected directly to line power.  It's the
operating system.  I never had any problems running Linux on the very
same system!"
     He kind of looked shocked at that.  "You run Linux?"
     I snorted again.  "I've been running the Red Hat distribution since
version 2, and never had any problems.  Even upgrading, patch by kernel
patch.  It was my dad's idea," I added, remembering.  "It's not _that_
hard, if you keep backups of the original code..."

***
21:27 4 Jan

     "I had a program like that," he said, grinning, "but I never could
figure out how to change the notes and stuff."
     I nodded.  "I never did either, but god, it was so cool to hear the
music coming out of the _disk drive_ like that, I mean-"
     "God, Val, you really _are_ a geek," said Lisa from behind me.
     I turned to face her.  "What?  Like this is news?"
     Lisa just shook her head.  "Anyway, I... you need to come talk some
sense into Travis."
     "What?"
     "She'll be right back," Lisa said to Mark while she tugged on my
arm.  Hard.
     "What?  Wait..."

***
21:28 4 Jan

     "Well, what, I mean, who the FUCK does she think she is?!" Travis
yelled into the night.  The guys holding each of his arms said something
quietly to him, which he seemed to be listening to.  Sort of.
     Sheila had apparently been seen dating someone else.  Travis had
his own ideas about what constituted "proper dating behaviour", I guess,
and that didn't fit, so he was going apeshit.  It was pretty crass of
Sheila to do this while he was in the hospital, but still.
     "How much did he have to drink?" I asked Lisa.
     "Three six-shooters," she whispered back in my ear.
     "What's a six shooter?"
     She gave me a look that told me I was terminally stupid and
clueless and that maybe I should try and move up the evolutionary scale
to the mammal area, at least.  She could be very expressive.
     "So what _is_ it?" I hissed at her.
     She shook her head at me, but explained, "Six shots of something
like vodka, as fast as you can slam 'em down.  You're timed, and...."
     "Eighteen shots?"
     She nodded.
     *Oh, FUCK.*
     "I'm gon, gonna TRASH that fuckin' bitch!" Travis told the
neighbors.  If any of them were home.  Which they would be soon, if
they weren't already.  I imagined a phone, a hand, a voice saying
"Police?  There's a party..."  I imagined trying to explain to my
parents what I was doing in jail.  In these clothes.
     "Travis!" I said as loudly as I dared, walking towards him.  "There
you are, where have you been?"
     He stopped yelling and struggling, and sort of focused on me.
"Val?"
     "Yeah, it's me, Valerie."  *Safe topic, find a safe topic...*
"It's kinda cold out here, don'tcha think?"  I had a feeling I didn't
want to remind him of Sheila right now.
     One of the guys holding his arms was carefully fishing around in
Travis's pants pocket.  I didn't want to look.
     "Ah, nah, sh'great outzide," he said solemnly.  "Got m'buds w'me,
right?"
     "Oh yeah, we're right here," they chorused, still holding his arms.
One of them pulled a set of keys out of Travis's pocket and stuck them
in his own pocket.
     "Travis?" I said as sweetly as I could.
     "Yeah," he replied, focusing on me clearer.  Somehow I could tell.
     "Um, remember, you said I could go home when I, uh, got tired?  Uh,
well, I'd kind of like to go now, if we could, please?"
     He stared at me like he was trying to understand a foreign
language.  "Remember?" I prodded.
     "Yeah," he said slowly, then seemed to notice the guy on each arm.
"Hey, leggo, tha' hurtz."
     "Well, stay here and talk to Valerie," one of them said loudly in
his ear.  "Okay?  Stay here."  They let go slowly, but didn't go
anywhere.
     I got a little nervous, right then, realizing that he was drunk as
a skunk, and almost a foot taller than me.  His friends were almost as
tall, but they were bigger across.  And me, five five and maybe
one-twenty.  Lovely.
     "Uh, Val, I'ma a lil' drunk, right now, I can' drive you home right
now."  He shook his head.  "Not a gooh idea, no no.  Bad idea."
     "Yeah, um," I started, but one guy was waving his hands at me and
Travis and at the sky.  *What the hell?* I thought in irritation.
"You're right," I said slowly, watching the guy, "it would be a bad
idea...."
     He pointed at me, then at Travis, then held his hands together like
holding hands, then pulled the keys out, and made a big L in the air and
pointed at the keys.  *Oh God,* I spasmed when I got the message.
     They both gave me a pleading look.  I looked at Travis, who was
either hanging on my next word, or totally locked up.  The other guy
held his hands together like he was praying, and said something
silently at me.
     "Um," I tried, then cleared my throat.  "Um, Travis?  What I was
thinking, was that maybe Lisa could drive you home, and we could, uh,
talk, in the back of the truck, or, or something?"
     Travis looked at me, like he was getting it.  The other two guys
nodded frantically.
     Travis started to protest, "But I-"
     "Travis?"  I let out some of the panic I was feeling, and it got
his attention.  "Please?  I'm scared."  No lie necessary.
     His mouth formed a silent "O" - you could almost see the lightbulb
come on over his head.  Though it was pretty dim tonight.
     "Yeah," said the one on his left, "Why don't you let Lisa drive you
two home, huh Trav?  Then you two can talk in the back while Lisa
drives."
     "Doesn't that sound good, Travis?  Huh?" asked the other one,
pushing him forward a little.
     I wanted to scream, but I took one of Travis's hands in both of
mine.  "P-Please?" I stammered.
     "Sure," he said slowly and majestically, like he was making a
speech.  I didn't know whether I should be happy or not.  He patted my
hands with his other hand.  "Whereszh Lish-... Lisa?"
     "I'll go get her," said the guy on her left, the one who had the
keys.  He sprinted off.
     Travis looked down at me, and smiled.  "S'okay," he said slowly,
"we'll get you home, okay?  You don' have ta be scared.  S'okay."
     Yeah, like he knew.

***
21:35 4 Jan

     "Erk!"
     Debbie waved at me, sort of.  "Hi, Valerie."
     "Erk!" I said again.  I couldn't find any intelligible words.
     "Hhhhey, Debbie," said Travis blearily, leaning on me.  Actually it
was more like he was using me as a cane.  He had one arm around me in a
_very_ friendly manner.
     I stammered, "Wah w-w-w-what are you-"
     "Came to the party.  Lisa picked me up."  She waved her hands
around.  "Lisa hates going to parties by herself, and Gary's still out
of town."
     "But, I, it-"
     No problem," she shrugged.  "I'll be driving.  Lisa never learned
how to drive a standard.  She'll pick us up after we drop Travis off."
     I stared at her in horror.  *So my _girlfriend_ is going to be
driving, while I'm trapped in the backseat,* with all _that_ implied,
*with some guy who keeps giving me The Look and is so drunk he can't
stand up by himself?!*
     "Tha'z nize of you," Travis approved.
     "Oh," smiled Debbie, "no problem."  She patted me on the shoulder.
"No problem," she repeated, staring at me.  *You'd better not have a
problem,* her look said.
     "No problem," I agreed weakly.

***
21:37 4 Jan

     "But, Debbie, I-"
     "Don't worry about it," she whispered into my ear as the two guys
loaded Travis into the back seat.  "Just stay calm."
     "But-"
     "If you want to know how to keep him off you," which was
desperately what I wanted, "then just remember how the girls you dated
did it."
     "Debbie, most of them just slapped me 'til I stopped.  If they went
out with me in the first place!  And _none_ of 'em would have been
caught dead with me in a backseat like this!"
     She shook her head.  "Just talk with him some.  He's not going to
be that much of a problem."  She gave me a peck on the cheek.  "You'll
do fine, and he won't get too far with me right there."

***
21:38 4 Jan

     "What's the trash bag for?"
     "In case he pukes," explained Debbie as she pulled out.
     "Already did that," mentioned Travis.
     Peachy.  "Um."
     "Whazzat?" Travis asked.  He looked just the littlest bit more in
control of himself.
     I shook my head.  "Nothing."
     "So whatcha wanna talk about?"  My attention was diverted by the
sight of Debbie inserting a pair of foam plugs into her ears.
     "Hmmm?" Travis asked.  Debbie gave me a thumbsup.
     "Uh," I turned back to him.  He was smiling at me.

***
21:41 4 Jan

     "WHY, damnit!  How could she DO that to him!"  He seemed to calm
momentarily, making me think the worst was over.
     Then he hit the door hard enough to rattle the glass.  I eeped in
reflex; I'd never had to deal with someone so big so upset so close,
without getting pounded, and I was scared to death he'd turn it on me,
for some drunken reason.  There wasn't anything Debbie could do to stop
it, either.  Not in time.
     Travis saw my reaction, though, and it seemed to change his track.
His face fell, and he said, "Oh, God, Valerie, I'm sorry, I, it's just,
how could she DO that to him, when he needs her the most?  How?"  He put
his hands up to his face, and after a few seconds, I heard a choked sob.
     I didn't know what to do now.  I glanced at Debbie, but she was
concentrating on driving.  I guess I was on my own again.
     He was shaking, his whole body shuddering as he fought with
himself.  Just like I had after the accident, I popped my seatbelt and
scooted next to him, and put a hand on his shoulder.  "It's okay," I
spoke quietly into his ear,  "You're upset, and it's okay.  She really
is a bitch, but it's not your fault, but you hurt for your friend."  He
nodded.  Sometimes, stating the obvious helped.  Sometimes it didn't,
but this time it was working.
     He twisted blindly in his seat and grabbed onto me, and really
started to cry.  I glanced at Debbie again, and this time, I saw her
looking in the rearview at me.  She gave me a thumbsup again, then slid
her hand along the air.  Stay cool, it said.
     I put my arms around him like Debbie had done for me, and patted
his back, and concentrated on staying cool.  It was hard, with him
crying in that way against me, but I tried.
     A few minutes later, he sort of slowed down, then pulled away.
"Oh, man, I'm so sorr-"
     I put a finger across his lips.  "It's okay," I told him.  I pulled
my purse out and found kleenex again, and wiped his face, and made him
blow his nose.  "C'mon, blow, there you go, that's better."  He smiled
at me, just for a second, then he got depressed again.
     "Val, I'm so, I didn't mean to be like this.  I just, I mean, I
heard about it, and I just, I-"
     "I know," I lied, nodding.  "It's okay.  You just scared me for a
while there."  He was still doing it, but I figured that would be a bad
idea to mention.  Besides, it wasn't really his fault any more.
     "Valerie," he put his hands around my ribs as he spoke, "I didn't
mean to scare you, I just got upset.  I'd never hurt you, never."
     "I know, it's just you might forget when you were drunk or
something."
     He shook his head at that.  "Never.  I'd never hurt you, you're too
sweet."  One hand came up and stroked my face, as light as a feather.
     "I-"  I tried to reassure him, but my throat closed.
     He must have noticed me shaking, because he pulled me close to him,
and put one arm around my shoulder, holding my head against his chest.
"You're so sweet, you're so beautiful, you're wonderful..."
     This was scaring me more than when he was angry.  I pulled away,
instinctively, but froze when I caught him Looking at me again.  He
still had one hand on my shoulder, and after a long time of feeling like
a rabbit in front of a snake, he moved closer to me.
     I knew what he was going to do, but I was so paralyzed with fear
that the only thing I could do was close my eyes as he bent his head
down.
     When his lips touched mine, it felt like I'd been electrocuted.
Without thinking, I opened my mouth to his, and he held me tighter as he
frantically kissed me.  My arms were being jammed into my chest, so I
slid them out, alongside his body, but he just pulled me closer.
     And he was still kissing me.  And my body was responding like it
was Debbie.
     He was desperate for something, I could tell, because he just kept
moving around, like he was looking for something to make him whole.
Something in me.  The perfect kiss.  Me, I was scared to death, and my
chest hurt, and I was losing my body, and there was this _surge_ going
on that I'd only ever felt with Debbie.
     Eventually, he must have noticed something, like me being
completely petrified, or else he found whatever he was looking for,
because he loosened up, unlocked his lips, and kissed me a few more
times on the mouth, lightly, like dessert.
     Finally, it ended.  I could almost see him smiling, sort of, as I
tried to breathe.  Finally, my lungs started working again, and I made
fish noises as I gasped for the air I hadn't been getting.
     Travis asked something, which I lost completely.  "Wha, what?" I
panted.
     "Are you okay?"
     A few breaths later, "Na, nuh, don't do that, any more, okay?"
     He closed his eyes, and just pulled me against him again, holding
me like a teddy bear.  I stared at Debbie's left shoulder, that being
the only thing I could see, and tried to comprehend what had just
happened.

***
22:02 4 Jan

     He hadn't let me go by the time Debbie pulled into a driveway and
set the parking brake.  I hadn't recovered yet, either, though I had
gotten my breath back eventually.
     She dug in her ears for the plugs, and announced, "Well, we're
here, guys."  Travis let me go, and I sat up and pulled away from him.
     "Valerie," he said, slurring less than when we had started, "I, I
hope I didn't hurt you..."  He trailed off.
     "Nuh, noooo..."  I wasn't so sure.  "I, uh, I just wasn't expecting
something like, uh, that."
     He closed his eyes again, like he was in pain.  "Forgive me?" he
pleaded quietly.
     I glanced at Debbie, who turned around, nodding.  I must have had
some kind of look on my face, because she shrugged, waggled her
eyebrows, then gave me another cool hand slide.
     "It's, uh, it's okay, I guess."  I took a breath.  "We all do
things when we're drunk, I guess."
     "I, I think I'd better go in," he stammered, and turned around,
away from me, and opened the door.  Debbie slid out after he did, but it
took me a long time to get moving and get out.  I had trouble making my
body work.  I had a bad case of the shakes, for one thing.
     When I got out and looked around, Lisa's car was parked at the
curb, Lisa was walking up the driveway towards us, and Debbie was
slipping out of a hug with Travis.  She patted him on the shoulder, and
handed him his keys.
     "What happened?" asked Lisa from behind me.  "You look seriously
spooked."
     I turned to face her, and I dunno what she saw, but she saw
something, because she sucked in a breath, and let it out, "Ohboy."
     Travis was walking up the driveway, and he turned back and waved,
half-heartedly.  Debbie and Lisa waved back, and I did too, after a
moment.
     "Let's get you in the car and outta here," ordered Debbie, coming
around the nose of the Bronco.  She took one arm, Lisa took the other,
and they carried me off and threw me in the back seat of Lisa's BMW.
Debbie slid in beside me as Lisa got behind the wheel and started up.
     "Tuck?" Debbie asked.  "Are you okay?"
     I looked at her, and there wasn't any blame or glee on her face.
All the fear that had frozen inside of me, unfroze.

***
22:12 4 Jan

     Lisa had pulled over somewhere, after Debbie said she needed her,
and she was hugging me from behind as I freaked into Debbie's shoulder.

***
22:16 4 Jan

     "Tuck, it's okay, I mean, your body's _gonna_ respond to that kind
of stimulus, it doesn't mean you're gay or anything like that, it just
means you got kissed."
     Lisa chimed in, "It just happens."
     "But-" I sobbed.

***
22:21 4 Jan

     "But, I mean, I couldn't _do_ anything, he was just looking at me,
and I tried to say something, or push him off, but I just FROZE, like a
nightmare.  Just like a nightmare."
     "Tuck, we've all felt that, sometimes," said Debbie gently.
     Lisa nodded.  "It's an unfamiliar situation, and you don't know
what to do, so you freeze."
     "I've done it," admitted Debbie.
     "Me too," Lisa told me.  "We all have.  Some things, you know which
way to jump, but sometimes, you just have no idea, and that's when it
happens."

***
22:23 4 Jan

     "But, I mean, have you ever been kissed by someone you would rather
have died than kissed?"
     Lisa went totally flat, and snarled, "Yes."  Her jaw clenched, and
she mumbled through it, "I don't wanna put you down, but that's nothing
like what I went through, okay?"
     Debbie reached across me and held one of Lisa's hands.  Lisa
grabbed it hard enough to whiten it.  After a second, I put my hand
around her other fist, which relaxed enough to grab mine, and clench it
just as tight.  I didn't say anything.
     She took a deep breath, and gave our hands a squeeze, and let them
go, and said like she was challenging me, "There's a reason I take
Valium all the time, you know.  Wanna hear it?"
     I looked to Debbie for a hint.  She looked like she hurt right
along with Lisa.
     "I-if you want to, Lisa, I can listen."  I hoped I'd made the right
choice.  Anything but thinking about what had just happened.
     Lisa looked at me, and smiled a little, and squeezed my hand again
for a second.

***
22:37 4 Jan

     Lisa sat up, and wiped her eyes.  "Well," she said, sobs still
subsiding in her voice, "what now?"

***
22:49 4 Jan

     "Amen for Whataburger, eh?" said Debbie as she munched down on some
fries.
     "And Valium," I added quietly.  Lisa and I had each taken half of
one, and Debbie was driving.
     "Here's to antidepressants!" said Lisa, raising her coke.  We
toasted around.  We were getting some funny looks, but the way Debbie
and Lisa looked, _I_ wouldn't have gone anywhere near us, and they said
I looked worse.  The three of us looked like a psycho ward on early
release.

***
23:32 4 Jan

     "I don't believe I'm doing this," I mumbled as Debbie wiped at my
face with makeup remover.
     "Well, you're the one that said you wanted to go home," she cruelly
reminded me.
     "Yeah, but I had some idea of changing some place besides a parking
lot, Debbie!"
     "There's nobody here, chill out," commanded Lisa from the front
seat.
     "Easy for you to say," I grumbled.
     "Shhhh!  I don't wanna get this stuff in your mouth, it's nasty."

***
23:54 4 Jan

     "So how was the party?" asked Dad.
     "Oh, just peachy, Dad, just peachy."
     He looked at me.  "Eugene, are you all right?"
     I ran my fingers through my (own) hair.  "Fine, Dad, it was a long
night."
     "Did you go with Debbie?" he asked.
     "Yeah."  I let out a breath.  "She sorta made it all worthwhile."
     He nodded like he knew what I was talking about.

***
13:18 5 Jan

     "Eugene!  Come down here and wash these dishes like you're supposed
to!"
     I sighed, and got up from the synth.  "Yesssss, Motherrrrrr..."
Life was interfering with my practice.

***
07:58 6 Jan

     "Heh-heh-heh-heh, did you, _play_ with your keyboard?  Heheheheh."
     "George, you know, you'd have more dates if you wouldn't do that
where people could hear you.  It's uncanny."
     Mike asked, "So how's the practice coming along?"
     I sighed.  "Slow, but getting better.  I just have forever to go
before I can do something useful."
     They both said at the same time, "Practice practice practice!"

***
11:41 6 Jan

     "Oh, come on, you had to have done _something_ over Christmas!"
complained Sabrina.
     "Nope," I said smugly.  Debbie had sworn on her life that she
wouldn't tell about what happened.
     Nobody was buying the denials, though.
     "Debbbbbieeeeee!" pleaded Kim.  Debbie just shook her head.
     "God, Tuck, she's never _not_ told us before..." pondered Jill.
"How much did you pay her?"
     They had her pegged, but I just grinned wider and wisecracked, "I
let her give me a blow job."  Then I braced myself.
     The slap from Debbie was stunning but not unexpected.

***
12:15 6 Jan

     "Why are you giving _her_ a present?" Debbie asked suspiciously.
     I sighed.  "Because, Debbie, she's kept her mouth shut.  And she
gave me a good idea or two.  So, I pay her back.  That's how it works,
right?"  Debbie didn't say anything, so I guess I won.  We kept walking,
and finally found Julia, stuffing books into her locker.
     "Hey," she said when she looked up, "Happy holidays, you two."
     "Merry Christmas," I returned, and pulled the box out of my pocket
and handed it to her.  She looked at it a little strange, then glanced
at Debbie.  Debbie nodded, and she opened the paper.  Then she pulled
the top of the box off.  Inside were the theater mask earrings I had
found for her.
     She looked up at me, with this sort of weird smile, and said
softly, "Thank you.  Thank you both."  She gave Debbie a hug, and then
gave me one.  Debbie, for once, looked more confused than I did.  "But I
didn't-"
     I interrupted her.  "You already gave us our present.  You... kept
quiet about some things."
     She shook her head.  "I would have done that anyway."
     "Even so."
     She got an idea, I could see it happen.  "Got it!  I'll see you two
tomorrow, if not sooner."
     "Julia, you don't-"
     She put a finger over my mouth.  "I don't have to, but for you two,
I want to, okay?"  Debbie and I glanced at each other, and we nodded
slowly.  "So, I'll see you two tomorrow, alright?"  She bowed, and took
her books and walked off.
     "Drama people," said Debbie next to me, like it explained
everything.

***
14:51 6 Jan

     "Outta my way, geek," said one of the jocks, who, come to think of
it, looked a lot like Travis, in the brief glimpse I got as he pushed me
into a wall.
     I sighed gratefully, rubbing my shoulder.  *Back to normal.*

***

"Shoving the dick of reality into the tight asshole of your mind."

TS Tip #9: Teenage girls will laugh at you.  Teenage girls laugh at
everything.  Ignore them.  Unless you are confident you can kill and eat
them all.  Also - long cooking times tenderizes stringy meat.

"Tallyho!"      \   /     @>--,--'--  ehayes@nym.alias.net  + vicki .sig
Ellen Hayes --=(*)=(*)=-- Renaissance Woman    ==[--------  + virus 9.1a
          http://www.geocities.com/WestHollywood/Heights/5734/

- -30-

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