-----BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE-----

Mother Tucker -*- Copyright 2003 by Ellen Hayes.

Any resemblance between the writings in this work, and any actual
persons or places, living or dead, are purely coincidental, except when
used for satirical purposes.

This work contains adult situations, adult language, adult concepts, and
possibly sex.  If you are legally not allowed to read materials
containing such things, then you will be breaking the law by reading
this.  I am not responsible.
Continuing to read this document, or storing it or reproducing it
in any format means that you explicitly affirm that you are legally
allowed to possess and read such materials in your city, county/parish,
state, and country.

All rights reserved.  See the bottom for distribution rights.


Mother Tucker


***
11:58 2 Oct

     We could actually show a few red marks where some hard-thrown ice
had impacted, and a few dampened bits of paper; not very conclusive
evidence, but it was there, and we admitted what WE'D done, we just
claimed we'd had provocation.
     Or, to put it the way the law should be written, "THEY started it!"

***
12:01 2 Oct

     George flipped the trigger lever, and the ice shot up and then
sailed down and went right into the trash can.  There was a fair amount
of appreciative noise from the office staff who'd come in to see the
test firing, which we were doing to prove that we had been neither
capricious nor bad-aimed.
     Dobson had a hand over his mouth the entire time.  His eyes looked
kind of wide, though.  I didn't know if that was a bad sign or not.

***
12:03 2 Oct

     Dan moaned, "Man, he's gonna KILL it-"
     "No," I interrupted.  "He said he was going to 'confiscate' it.
Remember Nickerson always said he was going to 'dispose of' something?
I think Dobson's keeping this one, which means he won't stomp on it or
anything."
     "You think?" Dan asked hopefully.  We HAD put a lot of work into
the catapult, especially the calibration testing, and while we could
build another one, calibrating it would take an entire day of nothing
but firing it.  Which wouldn't have been so bad by itself, except we
couldn't have done it here against people and groups we didn't like, and
so it would just be work.

***
15:07 2 Oct

     "Idiot child," I said to myself, but Stella agreed with me.  I
honked several times, and finally Ricky looked over THIS way and saw me
waving with one hand while flashing the lights with the other.  "Duh!"
     "Buh!" Stella agreed.
     "What happened to your car?" Ricky asked when he opened the door.
     "Got it painted," I truncated.  I didn't think I wanted to mention
what had happened, and especially not what had been painted on the car;
he might ask someone what the words meant.

***
15:45 2 Oct

     I couldn't help cackling a bit when I opened the freezer and saw
the ice unit; it reminded me of something pleasant.  "What?" Ricky asked
from where he was waiting for a snack.
     "Nothing, nothing," I lied with a pleasant voice.

***
16:33 2 Oct

     "Travis?"
     "Oh hey!" he said, sounding happy to hear from me.  "'Sup?"
     "Oh, nothing," I smiled into the phone.  "Sitting here
babysitting."  Ricky made barfing motions at me.  "You know."  I made
strangling motions back at Ricky, and he left.  "What's going on with
you?"

***
17:09 2 Oct

     "Can I extend my curfew tonight?"
     "You sure?  You seem to need the sleep-"
     "YES!  Pleeeeeeeeeease?"
     "Don't whine, you sound like your sister," Dad lied.

***
19:03 2 Oct

     "Nice to see you again," Miz Parker smiled at Travis.  Mister
Parker was working late tonight, so it was gonna be 'just' the four of
us plus Stella, who'd already played with her food.  I'd had an idea,
and I'd have to ask Miz Parker later if I could start feeding Stella in
the bathtub, since it was getting chilly in the evenings now.  If I put
enough clothes on her so she wouldn't get cold, that would defeat the
purpose of feeding her outside in the first place, which was to save
cleaning.
     "Hello," Travis said back politely.

***
19:48 2 Oct

     "A little dancing would be nice," I said, surprising myself.
     "Yeah?"
     "Yeah," I smiled.
     "Yeah," he smiled back.
     I thought that was a good signal to kiss him, so I did.
     "Oh GROSS!" Ricky commented, but by the time I got disconnected and
turned around, he was gone.
     I stared after him for a while, then let go of my fists and flexed
and relaxed my body.  "You know," I said to Travis, "even though he's
the oldest, he sure ACTS like he's got an older sister."

***
20:11 2 Oct

     I came out of Travis' shower to find him reading a book.  "Hey!" I
commented, and he looked up.  "Aren't you going to change?"  He looked
down at himself, then looked back up.  I guessed that meant 'no'.
"Well, if you're not going to change clothes, come over here and kiss
me."  He got up with a grin, which I guessed meant 'yes'...

***
20:33 2 Oct

     "Wait up!" I complained, because trying to follow Travis with his
seven-league legs while I was wearing platforms was just too hard.  He
stopped, and waited for me, and I thought that would be a good time to
kiss him.  Well, I wasn't wrong.

***
20:36 2 Oct

     When we finally disconnected, he smiled down at me, and asked, "Do
you still want to go dancing?"
     "For a little while," I purred, and rubbed him someplace I thought
he'd appreciate it.
     He decided to kiss me some more.  I objected not at all, of course.

***
20:46 2 Oct

     We'd finally made it actually into the club.  I wasn't sure we
would, actually; not that I'd have minded going back to his place
either.  But dancing was nice, and this was the disco place, so we might
get to dance slow on some songs, which was alright with me too.
     Hopefully I could make him hotter while we were here.

***
21:18 2 Oct

     The more he danced, the more attractive he got.
     *DAMN I'm glad I extended my curfew tonight!*

***
21:49 2 Oct

     Travis and I had taken a break, and after we'd blown off enough CO2
to let us breathe normally, we started kissing - which made me all
breathless again, though maybe for different reasons.
     Maybe it was that I was breathing so hard through my nose.
     *Hnnh?* I wondered and then flinched HARD as I realized who was
there behind me, and I very much regretted I'd left my pack in Travis'
truck; I had knives in it.
     "I think you'd better get out of here," Debbie said in a dead tone.
     "W-"
     "I'm with friends you don't want to meet."
     "Hey," Travis announced from above and behind me.
     "Good evening," Debbie said politely to him, and then she turned
and walked away.
     Pause.
     Travis started to ask, "What the-" but stopped when I fell against
him, exhausted and shaking.  "Val?"
     I took one of his hands and wrapped his arm around me, then started
moving towards the door.
     "Val," he warned.
     I stopped, and turned around.  "Travis, I think we'd better go."
     "Just because-"
     "Because I want to go!" I snapped, suddenly furious because it
wasn't him that was going to get his ass kicked and it wasn't him that
had their worst nightmare swirl out of the crowd just now and suddenly I
realized I was crying and slapping his chest and trying to curse him and
beg him and plead with him and apologize all at the same time.  Which
predictably didn't work very well.  He seemed to get the hint, though.

***
21:52 2 Oct

     "Can we just go HOME?!" I sobbed at Travis.  I was having a
decidedly bad day, and I just wanted to get behind some walls and lock
the world out.

***
22:21 2 Oct

     I'd finally calmed down, but neither of us was very happy as we
trudged upstairs to Travis' apartment.  I waited in a sort of exhausted
nervousness as he fumbled with the door lock, and I had to keep looking
around to make sure Debbie wasn't sneaking up on me or taking pictures
with a telephoto lens or something.  I knew, dimly, that I was being
unreasonably paranoid, but she HAD been there tonight, and I couldn't
help fearing that she'd be somewhere else.  And then there was the rest
of them...
     "Come on," Travis rumbled, and I took his hand so he could help me
over the threshold and towards the couch where I could drop like a
broken doll.
     This had not been the best date of my life, I decided.
     "Travis," I asked, or started to before I realized I needed to
clear my throat.  I did that, hoping it wouldn't gross him out, then
tried again.  "Travis?  Could you come sit with me?"
     He did, and very shortly thereafter we were entangled around each
other.  That made me feel better.

***
22:38 2 Oct

     The massage was having its usual effect; I was rattling back and
forth and trying very hard not to drool.  It was hard to keep a muscle
tense when he'd just grab it and squish all the contraction out of it.
     "So what was the deal with her?" he asked.
     "Uh?  Debbie?" I mumbled as I swayed back and forth.
     "Yeah, what was her deal tonight?"
     "Oh, god, I dunno..." I moaned.  "She's been messing with my head
the last week or so.  I think it's revenge for those two days I took
off; she had to work 'em, 'cause no one else would."
     "What was that all about anyway?"
     "What?"  I was confused, with what was left of my brain.  He'd sent
pressure back-surges up the nerves and liquified most of my cerebrum.
"Unh!" I mention as he squeezed some more tension out of me.
     "That too much?"
     "Nuh..."  I didn't need that limb anyway, and now I had a perfectly
good excuse for staying here for the next six months until I regained
function in it.
     "So...  So what were all the appointments about?"
     "Jus'... uhhhh...  Uh, basic research.  Ohhhh.  On me.  Nnnnngggg."
It took me a while to remember what I was talking about, and then I had
to wipe my mouth.  I was glad he couldn't see my face from where he was.
     "What kind of research?"
     "Oh...  Testing, find out why my body's so weird."

***
22:45 2 Oct

     "So, I mean..."  I noticed Travis had sadistically stopped tearing
me apart and kneading me like a lump of dough.  "You stopped!"
     He restarted, and I spent a long time just blissing out in the
agony of his touch.
     "Val?" he eventually prodded.
     "Uh?  Um.  Yeah, so...  So, I mean, that's it... and now I'm
supposed to be thinking about what I want to do...  My biological
future," I grinned.
     He stopped rubbing, which would have made me complain except he
pulled me backwards and wrapped me in a big hug from behind.
     And stopped.
     Pause.
     "Kissing my neck right now would be an appropriate response," I
hinted.  He chuckled, and kissed my neck.  Enthusiastically.
     I think he said something, but my eyes had rolled shut and I lost
it.  Eventually, unfortunately, he stopped, and asked, "Right?"
     "Uhuh," I agreed.
     Something started buzzing.
     Travis stopped.
     "Uh?"
     "It's your pager, Val," Travis ordered.
     "Oh god," I sighed as he pushed me away.  I was going to have to
flush that thing down a toilet one of these days.

***
22:47 2 Oct

     "What?!"  I was not pleased to find Kim on the other side of the
phone number.
     "Jeez, Val, don't have a cow!"  I was going to have a psychotic br-
"Where are you?"
     "None of your fucking business?" I suggested.
     "What the fuck is your prob-"
     "I'm on a fucking DATE and I have things to do that do NOT involve
telephone conversations!" I accidentally screamed.
     Then I sort of lost track of what either of us said, but we said it
real loud and real high-pitched and in full duplex, and then one of us
hung up maybe half a second before the other one could.
     I was cocking my leg to kick the phone through the window when the
thought came through my head that this wasn't my phone, or my window,
and maybe I should at least ask Travis before I broke both of them.
     I stood there and breathed for a while until I thought I could talk
without screaming any more.  Then I turned my pager OFF, with some
emphasis and body language, but no pieces fell off, so it would probably
work tomorrow.  Damnit.
     I turned around to go back into the living room and found that
Travis had silently followed me and was now lurking behind me.  "Ahh!" I
commented, and locked myself up kicking/not-kicking him, and then I just
burst into tears from sheer frustration and stress.

***
22:51 2 Oct

     "They're just, I dunno, hounding me, it seems.  Like they just
can't leave me alone to think, you know?"
     "Well, Val, I mean, they want to help you, right?"
     "They can help me best by waiting until _I_ need help, and then
I'll ask for it!" I snarled.  "I mean, what's so fucking hard about
understanding that?!"

***
22:57 2 Oct

     "Well damnit, whose side are you on anyway?!"
     "I'm not on anyone's side," Travis snapped back.  "You're being
spastic about this, and you're-"
     "I'm being spastic?  _I_ am being spastic?!"

***
23:01 2 Oct

     "Look, I am not a goddamned baby any more, I am FULLY capable of
making my own decisions, and I don't need fucking help from you or
anyone else to make 'em!  I'm the one that has to fucking live with the
consequences, not the rest of you!"
     "Don't you yell at me like that!" Travis roared back.

***
23:44 2 Oct

     "You're home ear-"
     I wasn't sure what I broke when I hit the doorframe to Dad's
office, but I felt I'd broken something.  "Just LEAVEMEALONE!" I
accidentally screamed at the top of my lungs, and then it all just fell
down on me like a barrel of festering pus, but I managed to make my way
up the stairs and get my door open, even though I was crying really
hard, before anyone else could 'help'.

***
00:37 3 Oct

     I'd finally stopped crying, but that was more from exhaustion than
anything else.  I certainly didn't feel any better.

***
01:17 3 Oct

     "Oh no," I sighed as I finally figured out what the tapping on the
window was.  "Why did I ever agree to this?!"

***
01:21 3 Oct

     My beautiful little green car reminded me.  *Roight!* I said to
myself, and stiffened my upper lip and marched bravely forth towards the
battleground.  *Do the job...*

***
02:23 3 Oct

     Mike was right; it was going a lot faster with multiple jacks than
it would have with just one.  On the other hand, we were all going to be
sore as hell tomorrow, with all the cranking, and I hoped that wouldn't
give us away.  *Early dosing with ibuprofen and Tylenol,* I made a
mental note.

***
02:46 3 Oct

     As we cranked the screw jacks back down and the car settled onto
the blocks of ice we'd replaced the wheels with, Dan radioed, "Patrol
coming, eastbound, slow..."
     I think everyone said, "Oh shit," at the same time.
     So I got really pissed when Mike stopped, knelt down, and got
something out of his pack.  *Come ON!* I screamed telepathically at him.
*Let's get the hell OUTTA HERE!*  He went back to the car, proving that
I had no telepathic ability whatsoever.  I chased after him and got his
arm and dragged him away, but it wasn't quick enough.

***
02:51 3 Oct

     We'd had to dive, but that was why we wore dark clothes and
practiced diving; the cop didn't even slow, so I guess we did it right.
As he was pulling away, we eased over a fence into someone's backyard,
and the rest was just a normal nocturnal steeplechase, tripping over
things and running into shrubbery and setting off dogs, until we got
back to the van where everyone else was waiting anxiously.
     "What the fuck were you doing?!" I hissed after we'd shut the
minivan doors and were stripping off our social-work clothes as fast as
we could.
     "I caught, a can," Mike huffed, "today, after school, from 'Naldo."
He gasped for a few seconds without talking, then went on, "I planted
it, in the front.  Notice, how clean, the inside, a'the car, was?"
     "So?"
     "Fingerprints," he gasped while smirking, which was an impressive
feat all by itself.  Then I had a flash of prognostication, and started
to choke on my own laughter.

***
05:02 3 Oct

     There wasn't much point in going to sleep now; I might just not
wake up until Sunday.  Not that _I_ would mind that; it was everyone
else who would.  So I sat down and did some more programming on my
laptop BIOS.

***
06:55 3 Oct

     "What?" I complained, because the girls were staring at me.
     "What's going on with you?" Kim asked.
     "Oh shit, don't you fucking start again!" I snapped, then
remembered the last time we'd had this discussion, and that reminded me
that I'd basically told Travis to go fuck himself and choke on it, which
was NOT, in daylight, what I wanted to have said, and before I quite
knew it my face was stuck in Jill's clavicle as I cried and cried.

***
07:58 3 Oct

     "Tuck?"
     I'd known he was going to say something this morning.  "Yeah?"  I
looked quizzically at Mike.  "Gee, Mike, are you sleeping enough?  You
look kinda-"
     "Stuff it up your ass," Mike suggested.

***
08:22 3 Oct

     I could not have arranged it better, than to have a 'study period'
at the beginning of the day, so I could take care of everything I hadn't
had time for during my 'off hours'.  Heh.
     A thin tentacle of pain reminded me of what had not gone well
during my last off hours, and then I had to stick myself with a pencil
point to keep from breaking out sobbing right there in study hall.

***
10:43 3 Oct

     "Are you okay?" Sabrina asked.
     "No.  Travis," I sighed, then stabbed myself again a few times.
"And I, uh, I couldn't sleep last night either..."
     "Tell me what happened later," she suggested.
     "Gotta sit this evening," I excused myself.  "Real late."
     "Aw man," she said, shaking her head.  "Bummer."

***
14:22 3 Oct

     "Travis," I said into his answering machine, "page me when you get
this, okay?"  I read off the number just in case, and then hung up
quickly.
     I had to breathe very carefully for a while, but eventually I
calmed down.
     "Okay," I said to myself eventually.  "When he calls, he'll want to
do something... so I ought to have something ni-  Oh, FUCK," I snarled.
Tonight was the night I'd agreed a month ago to take Stella out so Miz
Parker could have a party.  I kept blanking that out.
     "Okay, no, wait, I can handle this," I told myself.  "Just find
something that looks good enough for a decent date..." as I dove into
Rachel's closet and prayed.

***
14:31 3 Oct

     "Man, this ain't half bad," I commented, looking at myself in
Rachel's mirrors.  One of those 'yuppie mom' type outfits, black jumper
and long-sleeved white blouse, but Travis had always liked me in them...
     Well, I hoped it still had some of the original magic in it, even
though I'd washed it.  And I was pretty sure I could handle Stella while
wearing it, if I brought a spare towel or two.
     "Now for fatigued clothing," I sighed, and started to strip
everything off again.  I needed something a little more durable to cook
and babysit in than this outfit.  Easily stuffed into my pack after
sitting was a bonus, too.

***
15:06 3 Oct

     "WEEKENNNNNDDDDDDD!" I screamed at Ricky.
     "YAHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he screamed back.

***
15:37 3 Oct

     "Hmm."
     "Mom's home?" Ricky asked me, like I knew anything about it.
     "Guess so... let's go see what's up."
     I parked on the street, because Miz Parker's car wasn't the only
one in the driveway, and cut everything off as quickly as I could, since
I didn't have remote locks on the car and Ricky was going to bound out
as soon as he thought it was safe, which was a little before I thought
it was safe.  And with someone home, and it being as warm as it was
today, he was probably planning to ask someone else if he could go
swimming.  He hadn't been lucky asking me the last couple times.
     It took a while to get the baby loose, but she was smiling as we
walked toward the house.  "Nice day, huh?" I mentioned to her.
     "No!" she grinned.
     "Ahhh, like you know anything," I smarted off, and she looked
confused.  "Heh."  It was definitely cooler inside the house than out,
so I made sure to shut the door.
     "No!" she insisted, frowning.
     "So," I said back.
     "NO!"
     "Ho ho ho."
     "NO!" she shrieked.
     "Yo!"
     "Oh, hello," Miz Parker said, surprising me.
     "NOO!" Stella screamed at the top of her lungs, fists clenching as
she arched her back and grimaced.
     "Go slow and low!" I said sharply back to Stella.
     Stella started to cry.  I think she thought I'd broken her phoneme.

***
15:39 3 Oct

     "Getting ready for the party tonight," Miz Parker sighed.  "I
worked half a day and then came home and started here...  Cindy offered
to help, too; that's why she's here."
     "Would you rather play with the baby, or do you want to get ready?"
I asked her.
     "Oh..."  She looked around the kitchen, indecisive.
     "NO!" Stella tried.
     "I was NOT asking you," I said to Stella, and she resumed crying.
Miz Parker and I shared a look as she took Stella and started to soothe
her.  "I think she's taking this debating thing too seriously.  You
shouldn't get emotionally involved in an intellectual argument; it only
leads to grief."  Miz Parker smiled at that, as she rocked Stella and
murmured nice things at her.  "Um, speaking of which, I REALLY need to
make a phone call," I said apologetically as I moved sideways towards my
phone.

***
15:41 3 Oct

     "I'm sorry for what I said last night, I REALLY am," I emphasized,
hoping that it would still sound sincere when he played the message
back.  "Please, Travis, call me or page me or something?  I promise, I
won't be so stressed out this time, and..."
     I couldn't think of anything else to say, so I just ended, "Anyway,
please?  Page me when you get this, no matter WHEN it is, okay?  Okay,"
I affirmed to myself.  "Talk to you later, bye," I said, unwisely, and
hurriedly hung up before I started to cry into his answering machine.
That would have been so pathetic.

***
15:47 3 Oct

     "Well, it's like cocktail dresses and suits, right?" I confirmed.
That was what the last party had been like, from what I remembered.
     "What does that have to do with it?" Miz Parker asked.
     "The problem with meatballs," I said, "is-"
     "No!  Make meatballs!" Ricky cried in longing.  "They're great!"
     I had to chuckle as he began begging Miz Parker to let me make
meatballs, and then I was laughing as Gary and David got in on it with
something I'd taught them, namely begging while salaaming, which very
shortly all three of them were doing it in front of her - and LOUDLY...

***
16:04 3 Oct

     #ZZZZZZZZZZZZ-#  A blender didn't chop things as neatly as I could,
but it was a lot easier physically, and it wasn't like I was going to
get artistic points for dip ingredients anyway.
     "What's that for?" Miz Parker asked.
     "Oh, a little light salsa, mild stuff," I assured her.  "And..."  I
shrugged.  "You can always find a use for chopped onions."  Miz Upshaw
nodded in agreement.

***
17:33 3 Oct

     "Hi!" I heard from the front door, and I had to check my watch to
make sure I wasn't hallucinating.  *Bit early for the party, eh what?
Wait-  Maybe-*

***
17:36 3 Oct

     It hadn't been.
     Exactly four rings and 1.3 seconds after I dialed, his machine
picked up.  I sighed, and waited through his stupid prompt message.
     "Travis?  It's Valerie...  Um, it's five thirty, and Miz Parker's
going to have her party soon... um...  Anyway, I have to take Stella
tonight, and I hope that's not too much of a hassle, so, uh... um,
anyway, page me when you get home, okay?  I'm, uh, I'm also gonna be out
at Westcross Mall, um, prob'ly at the food court looking for something
to eat, um, I didn't get a chance to eat much-"  *Too much information,*
I realized, too late.  "Um, anyway, page me when you get this?  Please?
Okay bye."
     "Why doesn't he CALLLLllll...?!" I whined at the ceiling.

***
17:37 3 Oct

     No, damnit, my pager WAS working.  I sighed and cleared out the
test number I'd put in, and clipped the pager on my waist.
     Then I remembered I had to go change.  *Well, THAT oughta make him
call,* I half-smiled to myself.  Nothing like a shower to make the phone
ring, even in these halcyon days of answering machines, voicemail, and
Caller ID.

***
17:56 3 Oct

     He hadn't called.  *SHIT!* I screamed inside.  I wanted to do it
externally - I thought it would feel better - but then Miz Parker might
say bad words back at me.  Which was not something I needed right now,
if ever.

***
18:03 3 Oct

     "So, I bring her back at eleven, right?" I confirmed, and Miz
Parker nodded.
     "And thank you, Valerie, this is SUCH-"
     "Yeah yeah, I know," I interrupted, forcing a smile.
     "No!" Stella shouted.
     Miz Parker and I both sighed at the same time.

***
18:41 3 Oct

     The parking lot was crowded, too.  I sighed, and for a minute I
just sat in the car, feeling exceedingly tired.  Things had been going
to shit for a while, it seemed.  And I was just tired of it.  Tired of
everything.

***
18:50 3 Oct

     "What?"
     "S'me, Mike," I said, feeling relieved.  "What ya doing?"
     He let out a breath.  "I dunno...  Kim's pretty pissed at you."
     "Mike, I am NOT in the mood-"
     "So we had a talk, and Kim and I aren't going out tonight, and I
think it'd be best if I did something else," he interrupted.  "What are
you doing?"
     I sighed.  "Hanging out at Westcross Mall..."
     "What, no date?"

***
18:55 3 Oct

     "'Kay, I'll be there in maybe half an hour."
     "'Kay man.  Thanks," I sighed in relief.  "Um, but, Mike?"
     He groaned.  "If Travis shows you want me to get lost?"
     "Well, not right away...  Come to think of it, it might be helpful
if you stick around a few minutes."
     "I get paid extra for gamemastering domestic disputes, you know."
     "That's not funny, Mike!"
     He shrugged over the phone.  "I thought it was, and who cares what
you think?  Food court in thirty," he said, and hung up.
     "You are such an arrogant heartless BASTARD," I said to him.
     "No!"
     "Oh shut UP!"

***
18:56 3 Oct

     *I think talking sternly to the baby is a bad idea,* I told myself
as I tried to rock Stella back to calm and quiet.  She didn't seem to be
taking the hint.
     *Duh,* I snapped back.  *How long did it take you to figure that
one out, genius?*

***
19:12 3 Oct

     She'd finally calmed down, and I checked my watch again.  Thirteen
minutes wasn't enough time to do much of anything, really.  Of course he
would be late, but I didn't think he would be that late.
     *No pages,* I sighed after I checked my pager again.  *Damnit.*

***
19:31 3 Oct

     "If you have a baby stroller, why do you hang the baby around your
neck in a scarf?"
     "Haugh," I mentioned, because I hadn't known Mike was behind me.  I
almost dropped the pager, too.  Good thing the baby was tied on...
     "You need to pay more attention to your-"
     "Go fuck a rabid antelope, Mike," I suggested.
     "No!" Stella countered, and giggled.
     "Good girl!" Mike praised, and Stella squealed.  I was a bit
surprised that she hadn't broken any windows with that, but maybe her
oscillator was mistuned.
     "Oh god," I moaned.
     "There any food around here?"
     "Oh god."
     "Not deity, food.  Lower level need," Mike corrected.
     "Nooooooooooo!"
     "Oh god..."

***
19:52 3 Oct

     *No pages.  Damnit!*
     "Val, wake up," Mike insisted.
     "I am awake!" I protested.
     "Then put your fucking pager down and eat, since I brought your
food over here, fishface."  He had.  I sighed, and put the pager away,
which for tonight was clipped in between the cups on the bra I was
wearing.  I wanted to make SURE I'd feel it go off.

***
19:54 3 Oct

     "Oh man," Mike sighed.  "Why-"
     "Because I was mad and stupid, okay?!"  I was mad again, but I was
going to try not to be stupid like I was last night.  I hoped crying
would do instead, since I was sort of doing that already.  "I tried to
take it back today, but he hasn't called back or ANYTHING!"
     "How many times-"
     "Oh, uh..."  I counted.  "Five?  Six?"
     "Christ, Tuck, leave it ALONE at this point," he insisted.  "If you
called ME six times in one afternoon I'd be so pissed I wouldn't call
you back."
     "You think?"
     "Oh jeez.  I'm sure, Val," he said sternly.
     "Jeeeeeeeeeevvvv," Stella half-sang.
     Mike pointed, "See, you even shocked the baby with-"
     "Shut up, Mike," I sighed, and wiped my eyes carefully.

***
20:09 3 Oct

     "I do NOT want to have some surgeon sawing away at my breasts!"
     "I can understand that," Mike agreed.
     "But they're already getting kinda too big," I pointed out.
     He complained, "Well?"
     I sighed, as Mike ate some more.  It occurred to me, after several
seconds, that maybe he just said things like that so he could stuff his
face during the silent interval.
     I was about to mention this when he said, "See?  You're still being
indecisive about it.  You don't want to do one thing, you don't want to
do the other thing, you don't want to do anything that will apparently
limit your options.  Which," he held up a finger as I started to say
something.  "I can understand.  But, shit, you're getting to the point
you are going to HAVE to make a choice, even if that choice is to do
nothing, and you're gonna have to STICK with that choice.  Because,
unfortunately, whatever you choose, someone isn't going to like it.  But
the worst thing for you, in terms of SHORT term consequences," he
emphasized, "is going to be not MAKING a choice.  Or you're gonna get
choices made FOR you, and they're gonna conflict with each other, and
make you even crazier, as well as resentful as hell because someone else
is deciding your life for you."
     He ate some more.
     "This would be a decidedly non-optimal path."
     I mentioned, "I hate you, Mike."
     "You're just jealous because you're not Chinese," he stated
offhandedly.
     I sighed.
     "Eat, your lo mein's getting cold."
     "I'm not-"
     "I FEEL your hunger, Tuh-Val," he lied.  "And it PAINS me, bruthas
and sistahs, yes it does, raht HEER-"
     I gave in.  "Oh god, okay.  Anything's better than listening to you
televangelize."  He nodded casually, like that was only to be expected.

***
20:11 3 Oct

     "You really think I could choose not to decide now?  With the way
everyone's pushing?"
     When he swallowed his cud this time, he said, "Yeah, you could..."
Soda was apparently called for, because we both reached for our cups at
the same time.  Stella tried to grab mine, most likely to spill it as
best she could, but I was far more dextrous than she was and avoided
her.  When Mike had taken a large sip of his, he added, "The problem
with choosing, and let me re-emphasize CHOOSING here, uh..."  He trailed
off and looked confused.
     "Bo!" Stella suggested.
     "The problem with choosing," I sighed.  He'd probably been
distracted by some beef on my plate.
     "The problem with choosing that," he reiterated, "choosing to do
nothing, is that, there is gonna be so much pressure for you to make
some other choice, it'll be very tempting for you to start lying,
telling each faction what they want to hear.  It'll be almost impossible
to do that with your folks, by the way; hard to fake the shots."
     "Bubububububub."
     "Shit," I agreed.
     "Anyway, if the factions ever compare notes, or even if one of them
lets something slip to the other side, then you're blown.  And, you
can't tell them to stay quiet about it, because that's too suspicious,
and they'd start talking immediately."
     "Fuck."
     "Fuh."
     "Oh no," I moaned fearfully, "no, Stella, that's a BAD word!"
     "Bugger," Mike said.
     "Buh!" Stella crowed.
     "Bugger!" Mike encouraged her with a smile.
     "Mike!  STOP IT!"
     "Buh!"
     This night was not going well, I realized.
     "Eat, you're getting cranky from low blood sugar," Mike lied.
     "I HATE your sorry chink ass!"
     "Mmm hmm, that's why you called and invited me to dinner with you,"
he smirked.
     "Shut up," I growled.

***
20:15 3 Oct

     "Well," I asked him, "what do you think I ought to-"
     "OH no," he yowled as he almost stood up, which would have been
interesting because we were in a booth.  "You are NOT-"

***
20:21 3 Oct

     It took me about five minutes to convince him that I just wanted
his opinion, and that I was going to decide for myself.  I was sweating
and slightly more irritated when I got through to him, but I did,
finally.
     "Um."
     "That's not a help."

***
20:23 3 Oct

     Well, I'd gotten a chance to eat while Mike thought.  Or slept with
his eyes open; I wasn't sure.  Stella wanted some of what I was having,
so I let her play with a noodle.  It was beyond amazing how dirty she
could get with just one noodle... though I hadn't licked the sauce off
first-
     "Stay male.  Dump the Val stuff."
     "Why?" I fired off automatically, before I'd even parsed what he'd
said.
     "It's easier, and you like your life easy," he said.  "No clothing,
no makeup, hair's short and simple, or even long and simple..."  He
thrashed his at me, and since he'd been growing his out almost as long
as I had mine, it was comparable in length.  "And two lives is going to
drive you insane."
     "Hrm.  You have a point."  Being a girl was a pain in the ass.
Alternating was, I thought, worse.  I ate some more.  "But I'd have to
give up babysitting.  I don't think Miz Parker would go for the switch."
     "There's other jobs out there, ya know.  You maybe could even get
another babysitting job."
     "Yah, that's true-"
     "And you tend to get along well with little kids, right?"
     "We're close to the same maturity level," I admitted.
     "Nuh UH!"
     I was going to argue when Mike dropped his inscrutability and
grinned.  I grinned back.
     "What about the Pack girls?"
     "They hung with you during lunch last year, or you hung with them,
whatever.  That was in public, at SCHOOL, grasshopper.  If they'll do
that, they'll hang with you anywhere."
     "Point."  It wasn't like you could be LESS conspicuous if you were
a high school student, then when you hung out at lunch.  "Julia and I
went out, just to go out, and it was okay with her if I went in a suit-"
     "Yah, see?  I remember that.  I know it didn't turn out like you
thought but that wasn't because of HER was it?" he finished rapidly.
     "Ah-er-ah, well, no."  He nodded.
     We ate simultaneously.
     "I gotta think about this.  Kim, lots of people..."
     "Seem to think you've got to cross over," Mike finished.
     "Yah."
     "Not true," Mike said simply.  "And if they can't respect you for
whatever you turn out as, then they're not as tolerant as we thought,
were they?"
     I thought about that.  *If I turned BACK,* with big internal
quotes, *into a guy, and someone doesn't like me any more because of
that...  Yeah, Mike's right; that's not someone I need to be associating
with anyway.*
     "See?" Mike confirmed, and I noticed I was nodding.
     "Shut up, Mike.  And don't talk with your mouth full."

***
20:29 3 Oct

     My pager finally went off, of course when I wasn't expecting it,
and I almost caused several major accidents before I got it out and in
my hand.
     "Sh-"  I grunted instead.  "I don't recognize the number!"
     "So we'll go call," Mike said, getting up.
     As we got up, I noticed something.  "Can we go to the bathroom
before we call?"  I felt very nervous and had to go really bad, but I'm
sure the two weren't connected at all, haha.
     "Which one?"
     "Mike!  Shut up!"

***
20:36 3 Oct

     I'm sure there was a reason I'd carefully checked my makeup after
urinating and before I made a phone call, but I didn't want to know it,
or even think about it.
     "Hello?"
     Oh hell, it was just Kim.  "Yeah, it's Val," I said tiredly.  "You
paged?"
     "Yeah, is Mike there?"
     Now I REALLY wanted to scream.  Instead, I just handed the phone to
Mike and said, "It's Kim, she wants to talk to you," and sat down to
play with Stella.
     After a few moments I decided to hug her instead.

***
20:38 3 Oct

     "Val?"
     I pulled my head off Stella's and looked up.
     "If you're through communing with the baby?"
     "I'm programming her via induction," I lied.  "'Sup?"
     He sighed.  "Wants to know if we want to go out somewhere tonight.
Apparently Pam and their littles talked Kim out of her snit."

***
20:39 3 Oct

     Four rings and two seconds later, Travis' answering machine picked
up; I recognized the tape noise.  I waited, and said, "Just checking,"
and hung up.  "Shhhh-"
     "Eyeballs," Mike contributed.
     "I guess...  I guess I'll stay here, in case he's coming here," I
sighed.  "I said I'd be here."
     "Tuck-"
     "Don't fucking start on THAT one," I snarled.  "I promise I won't
call him again tonight."
     "What about tomorrow?"
     I protested, "I'm not gonna wait until midnight and then-"
     He interrupted, "That's not what I meant.  Are you going to do
something tomorrow besides sit around a phone and worry about it?"
     "Should... should I go by his house?"
     "Oh god," Mike prayed.  "Maybe.  Maybe Sunday.  NOT now."
     "No!"  *Hrm.  May-*
     Mike whapped me in the head, not too hard, but it was still very
irritating.  "NO, Tuh-Val," he emphasized.  "NOT tonight."
     I sighed.  I was doing that a lot tonight.
     "Come on," he suggested.  "Come party, and-"
     "I gotta watch the baby, Mike," I reminded him.  "She doesn't react
well to loud noises, like dance clubs."
     "What about-"
     "After?  Maybe...  Maybe I should sleep instead."
     "Call Kim when you give Stella back," he suggested.
     "Yah."
     "Well oh-KAY then!" he said, like the parole board in Raising
Arizona.  I grinned back to show him I remembered, and then we locked
hands for a few.

***
20:56 3 Oct

     I kept telling myself that I was over-reacting about Travis, and
that I should just chill, be mature, do something else.
     If it had been working, I wouldn't have had to keep telling myself.
     I thought about doing some window shopping, but decided that I
didn't want to risk missing Travis on the off chance he'd come here
tonight, and I might as well save my money anyway.  Then Stella started
baying at the moon, or screaming, so I was back in a booth in the food
court, singing to her to get her to calm down, and to interfere with her
resonance tuning.  The way she was going, she might not actually be able
to shatter glass, but there were going to be a lot of shoppers lying
around with exploded skulls.
     "...Through all the tumult and the strife,
      I hear its music ringing.
      It sounds an echo in my soul.
      How can I keep from singing?"
     She seemed to appreciate Enya, anyway, staring at me with complete
fascination, and drooling a bit.  On the other hand, I was way used to
that by now.
     "Eugene WALLACE!" I was up and out of the booth before I froze-
"What on Earth are you DOING!?" Mom gaped at me from three feet away.
     "Erk!"  I couldn't move, couldn't get past her if I could, and I
sure as hell couldn't fake my way out-
     Her hand shot out and I flinched.  "Is that the-"  She choked her
voice down into terrified agonized quiet, "Baby?!"
     "Ahk."
     "What," she almost whispered, "are you DOING like that?"
     "Is everyth-"
     "Ahhh!" I yelped.
     "Ahhh!" Mom yelped at the same time, and flinched really hard.
     "AHHHHHHHHHHH-" Stella exploded.
     "AHHH!" I shrieked in chorus with her, as my heart tried to escape;
but I guess that's why I had ribs.  I almost grabbed the stroller and
beat the in-teleporting cop to death with it, but froze just long enough
to realize I needed serious help-
     "What are you DOING?!" Mom yelled, and I almost pissed myself
before she continued without stopping, "You scared us half to DEATH
sneaking up on us like that!"
     "Sorry, ma'am!" the cop yipped back, sounding sort of scared
himself.  "I just, uh-"
     "I was just collecting them and getting ready to go home!" Mom went
on indignantly.  "And you sneak up behind us and scare us out of ten
years of our lives!"
     Stella took a gasp and continued, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"
I'd calmed down enough to restart breathing, or paying attention to it,
and thence discovered at least part of the reason she was still crying.
     "Uh, Mom," I interrupted, "I need to go change her, uh-"
     "Will that be all right with you or are you-"
     "No ma'am no ma'am," the cop almost begged.  "That's fine, the
bathroom's right over that way," he pointed.
     I decided Mom was handling this well enough, so I grabbed the
stroller and made my way with the screaming bundle towards the safety of
the ladies' room.

***
20:59 3 Oct

     "Oh man-"
     I almost screamed again, but my heart made another attempt to
escape, this time upwards through my throat, and choked off the noise.
     "-I thought we were in serious trouble there," Mom finished
sighing as she leaned against the wall next to the fold-out baby shelf
where Stella was currently staring at me in between gusts of sobbing; I
had no doubt that it was merely a lull.
     "Does she really need to be changed?" Mom asked as she looked over.
     I nodded mutely, then decided to get on with it.  We both winced
when I uncovered the foulness lurking within her plastic underpants.
     Unfortunately, the smell combined with the shocks were a little too
much.  "Uh, Mom," I gasped out, "um, Stella, can..."  *That's the best I
can do,* I decided, and made it into a stall almost before I started
throwing up.

***
21:03 3 Oct

     I felt not at all well, but Mom had urged me a couple of times to
hurry up because the mall was closing and we didn't want to have to be
told that by someone coming in here.  When I stopped burping up things,
I blew my nose as best I could, wiped my face very thoroughly to get any
possible speckles or drips off, and then came out of the stall.  "I've
got the baby," Mom said.  "Go clean up."
     "Great, just a minute," I replied shakily, and did some repair work
on my makeup so I wouldn't look like I'd just been scared out of my mind
and then vomiting; that's the sort of thing that looked suspicious and
attracted attention, and I didn't need any more attention tonight.
     When I was done, which took maybe two minutes tops including
brushing my hair back into some kind of sense, Mom was looking at me via
the mirror.  "Where did you learn to do that?"
     "Uh, what?"
     "The makeup," she said casually.
     "Uh-"  *Oh SHIT-*
     "You've been doing this a while, haven't you?" she said to me,
eerily calm.
     "Uh well just a few times-"
     Suddenly I was in pain and bouncing off the wall.  By the time I
figured out that Mom had slapped me, she'd grabbed me by my jaw - which
hurt immensely - and was just staring at me, her eyes black with rage.
"Don't you lie to me," she snarled.
     My heart had stopped.  So had my nervous system.
     "Now, are you going to tell me the truth?" she asked, sounding calm
again.
     "Yesma'am!" I squeaked.
     "Get your shit together and let's go," she ordered as she turned
around and gathered up Stella.
     Oh, gods, I didn't need this.  Not now.

***


Well I bumped and saw the magic man
and he layed some tricks on me.
He said, "You do need help my friend."
I whispered,
"Obviously..."

He led a spread of jacks and queens
and he bade me take my pick.
But every face
it had your face.
I cried out,
"I am sick..."

"Shooting Shark" Blue Oyster Cult


Distribution:
No part of this work may be distributed as an original work by another
person or group.
Permission is given to redistribute this by electronic means, as long as
the entirety of the work (from the BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE header to
the END PGP SIGNATURE footer) is distributed, and credit is given to the
original author, me.  And no fee may be charged.
Archiving is permitted provided no fee is charged for access.

All rights reserved.


+ ==[--------   Ellen Hayes   @>--,--'---      ellen@barkingduck.net +
PGP DH/DSS keyfing: 33D4 156A AE39 53E2 0313  6714 2878 56A8 61B0 9CDC
+ http://www.barkingduck.net/ehayes -=[1990]=- vicki .sig virus 11.4 +


-----BEGIN PGP SIGNATURE-----
Version: 2.6.2

iQCVAwUBP3RQyHYDebnvyV1VAQEMYwP+MvHVdB1K02XMI4mcW3nr6R2D5wz2QTGt
B6UMnVWK+lfPcGtVaFAa1gBgFfXa+mQgVCMrtQc7YJ0xjIhv9b+y8S2wbYDA+zLN
dHJWYY/dcsCxcK30b0bJKtvwzwlz8mIi98Up7s2jHHmueQ3vUk5Ushx0IVmvOSBK
wMC8eLAsX4c=
=juje
-----END PGP SIGNATURE-----