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Tuck In a Rut

Copyright 1997 by Ellen Hayes.

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purely coincidental, except when used for satirical purposes.

All rights reserved.

Furthermore,
This work contains adult situations, adult language, adult concepts, and
possibly sex.  If you are legally not allowed to read materials
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this.  I am not responsible.
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state, and country.


Tuck In a Rut

***
12:09 24 Feb

     "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE!" someone screamed over the
chanting, at the wrong time 'cause Mike was ready.
     Mike threw his head back, and just screamed, as long as he could
without stopping.  The rest of us stopped chanting but kept pounding.
Mike was really ripping his throat out with it, too, even falling to his
knees with the effort.
     When he finally collapsed, silent, George called, "THREE TWO ONE
STOP!" and we all stopped.
     When I finally looked around to see who it was that dared to
interrupt, it was Dobson, and Debbie was talking to him.  He had his
arms crossed, but it looked like Debbie was winning.
     "Mike?" asked George, and I went around to his side of the table.
He looked even more drained than the rest of us, but his head came up,
and he said in this raw voice, "I'm gonna be okay."
     George and Kim helped him up, and I gave him my coke.

***
12:15 24 Feb

     "God...." mumbled Jill.
     "Yeah."  I felt as wiped out as she looked.  "It's good for that.
Now it's mostly out, and he can get on with his life."
     "Jesus," exclaimed Debbie, "you guys... I thought you were gonna
take off howling after her."
     I grinned wearily at her.  "That's always an option, but nobody's
ever been dumb enough, the times we did it, to hang around."
     Debbie just shook her head, but Kathy said, "I'm gonna have to try
that the next time I have a nasty breakup."

***
08:01 25 Feb

     When I heard Genesis doing "Tonight Tonight Tonight," I knew that I
was blessed.  It was a Sign.

***
15:08 25 Feb

     "Movie?"
     "Sounds good."  Anything to be next to her for a long period of
time.  And here I was in guy clothes, too.
     It was kind of scary, when I thought about it, that this was a
cause for celebration.

***
17:14 25 Feb

     "I am _starved_."
     "You're always starved, Debbie.  What's your deal anyway?"
     She snickered.  "I have a high metabolism.  That's why I'm so
warm."
     "I thought it was just your big heart and wonderful personality."
     She grinned at me, and gave me a big hug and a kiss.  Oh boy, I
liked that.
     "Italian?  Maybe Mojo's Pizza?"
     "Sounds great.  Let's go!"  Though I wasn't sure if pizza counted
as Italian, it was close enough for me.

***
17:34 25 Feb

     "And what would you two ladies like to drink?"
     "Um, Coke, please?" I said, looking at the menu.
     "And you, ma'am?"
     There was a long pause, which finally pulled my attention off the
menu and on Debbie.  She was giving me this shocked look.  Finally, she
looked at the waitress and mumbled, "Coke."
     I racked my brains for what I could have done wrong, as the
waitress said she'd be back in a bit with our drinks.  Then it hit me.
     I stared at Debbie, who was staring at me.  I didn't know what to
do.

***
17:37 25 Feb

     "I'm not doing anything!"
     She gave me a look which said, well stop it anyway.
     This was depressing.

***
17:38 25 Feb

     "Meatlover's special?"  I glanced over at Debbie, who nodded.
     "What size?"
     I looked at Debbie, who finally said, "Medium."
     Things were more than just a tad strained.

***
17:58 25 Feb

     With that sixth sense that you have sometimes, I looked up and
spotted a guy carrying a pizza coming our way.  "Hey, food," I warned
her, and she slid her purse off the table just in time.
     "Here ya go, dude and dudette!" he said as he slid the pizza off
the tray.  "Enjoy!"
     Debbie looked at me.  I looked back at her.  Now I REALLY didn't
know what to do.

***
18:22 25 Feb

     "Thanks," I said to the woman who refilled our glasses.  When she
walked off, and I looked back up at Debbie, she had a light bulb over
her head.  So to speak.  "What?"
     "You talk differently."
     "What?"
     She shook her head.  "You, you talk different, you move different,
when it was that guy and the waitress and everything.  You're matching
whoever you're talking to.  That's gotta be it," she said in that tone
of discovery.
     "Not on purpose!" I protested.  "I dunno, Deb, I mean, I'm not
TRYING to do anything like that...."  I trailed off, confused.  "What am
I doing?"

***
19:01 25 Feb

     "Wanna come in?"
     She shook her head.  "I gotta get home and do some serious
history."  She sighed.  "Sorry about..."
     I shrugged.  "Me too, I guess.  But at least we got each other,
huh?"  She kind of laughed at that.
     We traded hugs, and a really nice long kiss, and then a couple
more, before she remembered she had to go home and do history.
     I stood outside and waved at her until she turned the corner and
disappeared.

***
11:41 26 Feb

     "So, anyway, what do you think?" Jill asked.
     I bit my lip.  "I dunno, guys, it's kinda tiring me out."  Not to
mention that I was really missing Debbie, sort of.  I mean, she'd be
there, but it just wasn't the same.  I could vaguely remember when I was
only dating one of the Pack, though it seemed a long time ago....
     "Oh, come on," Debbie smiled.  "It'll be okay.  Just some friends
getting together.  You know.  We won't even go out."
     "Much," Jill added with a straight face, which she ruined by
giggling.

***
17:37 26 Feb

     "Again?" Mom asked, with that whine in her voice I hated.
     "Mom, last year you were complaining I didn't get out enough,
remember?  Now that I'm getting out, you think it's too much.  I wish
you'd make up your mind or something, I mean it was you that wanted me
to be more social or whatever it was..."  I thought that reverse
psychology might work this time.  Besides, she really had said that.

***
07:56 27 Feb

     "Well?"
     I jumped a little, then turned around to find Amanda and Jill
looking at me.
     "Um."  I knew this was going to cost me.  "My folks said it was
okay, so I guess I'll be coming."  Oh, my poor tired bones...
     "Cool," said Jill, as Amanda hugged me.

***
07:58 27 Feb

     "Cool," Debbie breathed, and gave me a long hug.  While I was
there, I kissed her ear, too.  She liked that.

***
08:01 27 Feb

     "You're doing WHAT?" he almost screamed.
     "Jesus, Mike, get a grip, okay?"  I looked around nervously, hoping
no one was paying attention.
     "Tuck, listen to me!"  He grabbed me by the shirt and shook me.
"You are turning into one of them!" he spoke urgently.  "You've got to
stop the madness!  Just say no!  Do the right thing!"
     I blurted the first acceptable excuse that came to mind.  "But I
want to see them all naked again!"
     "It's not WORTH it, man!" he said, shaking me.
     But he was wrong, so wrong...

***
11:39 27 Feb

     Ding! went the play bell.  "Time to rock," Mike said as we all got
quiet.  "Now, last time, you were in front of the giant, who was not too
pleased..."
     Jill asked, "Yeah, but is he the 'doesn't want to answer questions'
kind of not pleased, or is he the 'squish you into paste' kind of not
pleased?"

***
12:17 27 Feb

     Ding! went the play bell.  "'Kay, folks, we'll pick it up this
weekend, my place," Mike said.  He'd timed it perfectly, the bastard.
     "You asshole!" Jill bitched at him.  "Are we gonna get thrown in
prison or not?"  He just smiled.  "You're a prick!"
     "I'm also the gamemaster, so don't get too nasty," he reminded her.
"Besides, a cliffhanger is good cinematic technique, so why shouldn't I
use it?"

***
12:22 27 Feb

     "Jeezus," Mike complained, "that bitch can HIT."  He rubbed his
shoulder.
     "Don't call her a bitch, Mike.  If she hears you, she'll do
something worse," I pointed out.  Of course, Jill might take it as a
compliment.  You could never tell with her.

***
21:07 27 Feb

     I had a feeling I'd better get as much homework done as possible
before tomorrow night, because if this weekend was like the last two, I
wouldn't have much time.  And sleep was a much better way to spend
Sunday evening than homework.

***
07:59 28 Feb

     "Oh, Lord, bless this poor boy, who has fallen into the ways of
SIN, yes Lord for he has fallen into-"
     "Knock it off, Mike!"  I swatted his hands away from my head.

***
11:36 28 Feb

     I was getting ready to print my report - why do they always assign
them for Friday? - when I noticed Tina sitting down at another terminal.
I watched her covertly for a couple of minutes, and she seemed to be
frantically writing a paper of her own.
     *Heheheh.*  It was a sign from God.
     I pulled the Black Disks out of my pack, and set things up.  Then I
waited.  This was always the hard part.
     When Mr. Jurgenson got up to help somebody with something stupid or
another, I made myself sysadmin, erased a floppy I found in Tina's
drive, and then installed a special virus on it, as a present.  With any
luck, she'd take it home and kill her home computer.  The one I'd helped
set up.
     Then I set up a time delay program to crash her terminal, logged
out, and got up and left.  She didn't seem to notice me as I collected
my paper off the printer and scrammed.  I managed not to start laughing
until I was entirely out of the building.

***
11:51 28 Feb

     "Just please don't hurt him," Mike begged, while Dan and George
nodded counterpoint.  All three of them were on their knees.  "We like
him, and we need our friend.  He keeps hacking the system for us."
     Debbie patted me on the head.  "We'll be nice.  I promise."  I just
blushed.  A lot.  If I thought telling them to go away would work, I'd
try it.  But I knew better.
     "You're not gonna get a date that way, geeks!" some jock yelled
from across the way.
     "Shut up, jock!" Jill screamed.
     "Fuck you bitch!" he called back.
     Debbie nudged me and everyone else, I think.  "Threetwoone," Debbie
counted quickly, and we all shouted "SHUT UP, JOCK!"  It sounded most
impressive.  I noticed that Mike and Dan yelled it too, so I guess
someone had told them too.
     George chortled, "Heheheheh, that's tellin' 'em, heheh-heh-heheh
heheheh,"
     Kathy shot back an amazing rendition of Butthead promising, "Shut
up, Beavis, or I'll kick your ass."
     Best of all, nobody said anything else or came over to beat us up.
Then again, after Monday, I wouldn't have tried it.

***
11:58 28 Feb

     "I talked to Ellen again," Debbie told me.  "Looks like she'll be
getting back to school after spring break."
     "Is she okay?" I asked.  "I mean, uh, better?"
     Debbie nodded.  Then sort of smiled.  "She said that it helped a
lot, the, uh..."  We nodded at each other.  "You ought to see her if you
can," she suggested.  "She's kind of lonely, thinks that nobody'll like
her any more."

***
12:12 28 Feb

     Jill and George were in, I swear to God, a belching contest, when
Mike looked up, did a double take, then leaned over and whispered
something in Kim's ear.  She looked really surprised, but nodded, and
Mike grabbed her.  And kissed her like he meant it.  And, no lie, she
threw her arms around him like it was the thing she'd wanted most.
     I tried to see what he'd seen, and it was Tina.  She was looking
over at us, and hanging on the arm of her latest victim.  Actually, she
was looking at Mike and Kim going at it.
     "Looks fun," commented Debbie, and she grabbed me and kissed me.
     When she finally let go, Tina was gone.  Hopefully to go cry
herself sick in the bathroom.  She should be having a bad day by now.
Especially after George had switched the lock on her locker.  And Dan
had-
     "Hey, can I try that?" asked Jill, pointing at me, and Debbie took
a swat at her.

***
14:51 28 Feb

     "Hey, Tuck," Amanda asked me in a low voice.
     "Whazzat?"
     "Did you do something to Tina today?"  She looked kind of curious.
     "Who, me?  Why would I do anything to Tina?  It was over between us
a long time ago."  Besides, I didn't know which thing she was referring
to.
     She gave me a look which said, I do not believe you.  "I dunno
why," she said sarcastically, "but she was crying today in English, and
she's gonna get an F on this paper if she can't turn it in by Monday.
And she was saying that she had it written until her computer crashed
today."
     I bit my lip to keep from laughing.  "Gee, that's a shame," I said.
"I always told her to save things a lot in case that happened.  I lost a
paper like that once."
     "Yeah, well, what I wanted to know was, do you take commissions on
that sort of thing, or just do it for fun?"
     I gave her my best edgerunner look.  "Maybe we should talk about
this outside?"

***
14:54 28 Feb

     "So who did you have in mind?"
     Debbie and Amanda both gave me looks which told me I was being
stupid.  "Her last boyfriend," Debbie finally replied, indicating
Amanda.  "We're not supposed to mention him by name."
     "Well, what'd he do?"

***
14:57 28 Feb

     I cut her off.  "Okay, okay, I'll do it already!  It's just gonna
take a while.  It works best if you do this sort of thing as an
opportunity attack.  You know.  Anyway."  She nodded spastically, still
pretty mad.  I guess she was peeved I hadn't let her finish the recital.
"Anyway, you gonna be there tonight?" I asked her.
     She looked at me, then at Debbie, then back at me.  "Again?" she
asked.  "Tuck, you are _strange_."

***
15:23 28 Feb

     "You know, Deb, I'm gonna have to stop this eventually."
     She gave me a look as she turned down a street.  I tried not to
scream about her driving.  I mean, when I had my driver's license
instead of a learner's permit, then I could legitimately complain.  My
sister had taught me that.  Whack whack, shut up geekoid.  I was glad
she was in college and far far away.
     "You don't want to do this any more?"
     "Well, I mean, Amanda was right, I mean, this IS pretty strange,
you know?"
     She just looked ahead for a while, for which I was grateful.
     "Yeah, I guess," she finally said.  "But then, you couldn't spend
the night any more.  With me or with the rest of us."
     I sighed, and stared out the window.  "Yeah, and that's the part
that sucks.  I really like hanging with you guys."
     "And you REALLY like spending the night over at my house," she
added, and I could hear the smile in her voice.
     "Well, there is that."  We laughed.  "Hey, pull over for a second?"
     She asked, "Why?"
     "You trust ME for once."

***
15:27 28 Feb

     "Tuck!" she gasped, breaking the lip lock.  "We gotta get there
before Lisa's folks!"
     "Oh."  That was sort of the last thing on my mind at the moment.
"Yeah.  Right."

***
15:29 28 Feb

     "What was that all about anyway?" Debbie asked me.
     "Just wanted something to tide me over for the night," I grinned at
her.  She shook her head, but she was smiling too.

***
15:31 28 Feb

     "What took you two so long?" Lisa asked.  Debbie nudged me, and we
giggled.  "Oh."  Lisa grinned at us both.  "Well, go take a shower, Val.
Maybe a cold one."
     "No way!"
     "Well, go take one," urged Debbie.  "I'll take one after you."

***
15:38 28 Feb

     I couldn't find the green conditioner like Lisa had told me to use
last time, so I wrapped a couple of towels around myself to go find out
where she'd hidden it.
     When I got close to her room, though, I heard a high pitched moan
that I thought I recognized.
     Pause.
     *Nahhh,* I finally decided.  *Couldn't be.*
     Still, I moved real quiet up to the door.  Using the skills I'd
developed paying pranks on my siblings for years, I silently opened the
door.

[Ed: yes, paying pranks - as in payback]

***
15:39 28 Feb

     I decided to go back to the shower and think about things.
     *And fuck the conditioner,* I decided as I shut the door, as
silently as I'd opened it.

***
15:46 28 Feb

     I still hadn't decided anything when someone knocked on the door.
"You gonna take all night or what?" Debbie yelled through the door.
This was most annoying.  This was a very bad time to annoy me.

***
15:47 28 Feb

     "So what do you need to talk about, dripping wet person?" Lisa
asked, grinning.
     "You don't have any of that conditioner you told me to use last
time," I started.  "So I got out of the shower to come ask you where it
was..."

***
15:48 28 Feb

     They had both turned white.  Lisa had started to yell at me, but I
somehow managed to scream loud enough to shock them both into silence.
     "Now," I went on.  "Either I hear the WHOLE story, or bad things
will happen."
     They stared at me.  Finally Debbie cleared her throat, and said, in
this tiny voice, "But you never asked?"
     "Now I'm asking."  Egad, I sounded butch even to me.  John Wayne
would have been proud.

***
15:51 28 Feb

     "So how long?"  I was rapidly getting un-pissed as time went on.
Don't ask me why, I have no idea.  It wasn't like I'd be invited to play
anytime soon, either.
     "Uh-h-h-um, s-since we were, uh, t-t-twelve," stammered Lisa.
     I guess it was the way they'd both been reduced from the confident
women I knew, to sniveling lumps of teenage fear.  It was hard to be mad
at someone when they were trying to keep from crying.  And I did care
about Debbie a lot, and even Lisa, a little.

***
15:54 28 Feb

     "Well, what are you gonna do?" Debbie asked desperately.
     "Do?"  What COULD I do?  "Nothing, I guess.  I have as much to lose
as either of you two."  They sagged in relief.  "BUT!"  It was like I'd
slapped them both - they shocked back upright.  "No more sneaking around
my back about this, okay?  And, damnit Debbie, I don't want to hear
anything about YOU getting jealous any more."  I sighed, and looked at
my hands.  "I mean, I can't stop you two, and I guess I don't WANT to
stop you two, not if you two care for each other that much," which I was
gonna have to think about the next time I got bored in class.  It's a
great place for philosophy.
     "...And I don't want to stop dating you, Debbie, but if you two
want to get together, I want to know about it, 'cause I've felt kind of
left out lately, and I WOULD like to spend some more time with you, Deb.
Alone, more or less."
     "You're not gonna tell anybody?" Debbie asked.  Her and Lisa were
holding hands, and what it looked like was Hansel and Gretel when they
found the witch.
     I shook my head.  "No, I guess not."
     Lisa took a deep breath, and instead of calming down, started to
cry.  Debbie held her, and when I got up, she gave me a look, which
changed to startlement when I sat down next to Lisa and held her too.
That started Debbie crying too.

***
16:00 28 Feb

     "Well, come on, kids, SOMEBODY's got to get me dressed before the
rest of the girls get here!"
     They grinned a little soggily at that.  When they got up, they both
gave me a kiss on the cheek.  I felt like I'd really won something.

***
16:03 28 Feb

     While Debbie was showering, Lisa was supposed to help me get
dressed.  When I noticed how bad she was shaking, though, I asked,
"Lisa?"  She looked up at me, still miserable.  "Hey, it's okay," I said
gently.  "I'm not gonna do anything, I swear."  She just stood, looking
at me.  Just like Debbie, I couldn't resist that vulnerability.
     I walked over to her, and when she looked like she was going to run
off, I stopped, and held my arms open.  "It's okay Lisa, I'm your
friend.  I'm not gonna hurt you."  She started crying again, but didn't
object when I gathered her up and put her head on my shoulder.  She was
shaking so bad, it was rattling me around.

***
16:37 28 Feb

     After distributing a couple of Valiums around, everyone had gotten
a little calmer.  And I had gotten dressed, finally.  Not that I was
that eager to get into girl's clothes yet again, but it sure beat a
towel.
     "You look like any other suburban mom," Debbie giggled, a little
too much.  They'd stuck me in a large black jumper, and a white shirt,
with too many accessories.  But, amen and Allah be praised, flats.  AND
socks.  Even if they were the lace kind.
     "Debbie!" I complained.  "I'm fifteen, I'm too YOUNG to be a
yuppie mom!"
     "It's also comfy," Lisa pointed out.  She should know, it was all
hers.  "And you can roll up the sleeves if you get too warm."
     "What if I get too cold?"  Debbie held up a slip.  "Oh, hell, gimme
that, I'm cold already."  She gave it to me and I slid it underneath the
skirt.
     The doorbell rang.  They looked at me expectantly.  "What, do you
want me to get it?" I asked.  "What am I, the maid arou-"  I slapped a
hand over my mouth, but it was too late.

***
16:38 28 Feb

     "Simmons residence, who may I say is calling," I said sourly.  It
was Pam.  She pointed and laughed.  And laughed, and laughed, and
laughed.  I turned around, struggling out of the apron.  "I am not doing
this again!" I yelled at the Twins of Evil, who were busting their guts
too.

***
16:41 28 Feb

     "Oh, come on, Val, don't be such a bitch about it, it was funny!"
     I glared at Pam.  "Okay, then, if it's so funny, you do it next
time!"

***
16:53 28 Feb

     These girls had no shame.  No shame at all.  Pam even took their
jackets.  And curtsied.
     "Hi Val!" Kim gushed as she came over and gave me a hug.

***
17:03 28 Feb

     Kim had just finished struggling into the dress when the doorbell
rang.  She looked up, and sang, "It's SHOWTIME!" and bounced out of
Lisa's room and down the hall.

***
17:43 28 Feb

     We were all hanging on the stairs, bitching about homework, when
the doorbell rang.  "This should be it," Debbie said conversationally as
Jill got up.
     When Jill opened the door, she said something to Amanda, who just
sailed in, handing her coat off like she was used to having maids
around.  "Oh," I heard her say, "could you fetch me a coke, also,
please?"
     Jill casually tossed Amanda's coat back out the door, closed it,
and said, "Yes ma'am, I'll be right back."  Amanda didn't even notice
where her coat went.  In fact, the first idea she got that something was
wrong was when she saw us all laughing our asses off and pointing.

***
17:56 28 Feb

     As Amanda dragged the dress back over her head, she asked, "So who
hasn't had a turn yet?"
     I grinned.  "Debbie and Lisa."  Debbie almost spilled her drink
when she heard that.
     "Hey, I'm donating food and cokes for this, so I'm exempt," Lisa
shot out.  Debbie gave Lisa a look of utter disgust.

***
18:36 28 Feb

     "You really enjoy this, don't you?" Debbie snarled quietly at me.
     "Hey, it's nice seeing YOU dressed up and sweating over it for
once," I pointed out.  And I took another helping of fried rice from the
box she was holding.
     "Yeah!" agreed Jill as she took some more egg rolls.  I think she
was still annoyed over being made to wear a skirt last weekend.
     "Keep your legs together," was Debbie's pathetic parting shot.

***
19:02 28 Feb

     "Well?"
     "Burp," I said.
     "Yeah," Kim agreed.

***
19:47 28 Feb

     "I just can't figure it out," Sabrina mentioned as she sat back
down.  "I mean, what is it with you, Val?"
     "What do you mean?"
     She shook her head.  "It's unnatural, the way you keep doing this,
I mean, nobody's figured it out yet?"
     I shrugged, embarrassed.  "I guess I'm a better actor than I
thought."  She shook her head.  "Okay, so what do you think it is?"

***
19:54 28 Feb

     I was blushing down to my arms, I think.  "No!  I mean, she used to
do it when I was three or four, but I stopped that when I figured out
that I didn't want to play with my sister that bad."
     "What did she used to do?" Amanda asked.
     God, this was humiliating.  "Do I have to talk about this?"
     "Oh, come on," Pam nudged me.  "We're not gonna laugh at you or
anything.  We just wanna know."
     I sighed.  I couldn't look at them, either.  "Well, she used to
dress me up in her clothes, and her and her friends would do stuff to
me.  You know, like those big Barbie heads?"  They all nodded.  "They'd
put makeup on me and put me in their clothes and stuff, and then play
house with me as the baby..."  Someday, I was going to humiliate my
sister about as much as I was being humiliated right now.
     "When did you stop?"
     "You mean, when did SHE stop?  When I finally figured out that I
was tired of never getting to play.  They always made me just sit there,
and it got boring.  It was like they wouldn't even talk to me, just put
clothes and makeup on me, then make me take it off, or change me...  I
figured out I was having more fun with my toy cars, so one day when I
was four I had a tantrum all over her and her friends about it."  I
remembered an additional detail.  "Oh, and that was when I started
getting shy, like kids do, and I didn't want my sister to see me in my
underwear any more."  Everyone was either chuckling or shaking their
head.
     "So why did you agree to doing it back in October in the first
place?" Jill asked. "If you hated it so much?"
     I smirked at her.  "Debbie talked me in to it, like she talks
everyone into everything."
     Debbie complained, "That's not fair!"
     "It's true!" I snapped back.  "I TRIED to get out of it the first
time, remember?"
     "You wanted to win that prize as bad as I did!"
     "Yeah, but not like that, I mean, jeez."
     "But you did it anyway," Sabrina reminded the clueless.
     I rubbed my forehead.  "In CASE you hadn't noticed, she can be
really persuasive."  Lisa poked Debbie, and they both started giggling.
I had to smile, even though I was too embarrassed to really laugh.

***
19:58 28 Feb

     I shook my head.  "The only time I got aroused was that first time,
when I kept smelling the makeup, and Debbie was putting it on."  I
thought about it for a second, then admitted, "That's a pretty sensual
thing, having someone working on your face like that.  And my
girlfriend, too."
     I don't think anybody but Lisa had thought about that before,
because she was the only one that nodded - the rest of them sort of
dropped into thought.
     "I never really thought of it before," said Debbie.
     I was on to something.  "Well, jeez, I mean, look at that haircut I
got!  I get a shampoo, conditioner, guy running his hands and warm water
all over my head, stroking my hair," I stroked Kim's for effect.  "Then
he spends like half an hour on me, just me, and he's touching me all
over the place, I mean on my head and neck, and rubbing stuff into it
and moving it around and stuff..."  I raised my hands, "And you get that
done, what, every month or so?  Guys, they just get it clipped.  Whiz
zoom outa the chair."

***
20:02 28 Feb

     Sabrina asked, "So why don't guys do more of that?"
     "Spend forty dollars on a haircut?" I gasped in mock fear.  "Are
you nuts?  When that's a date or maybe TWO?  Or," I shifted to my best
imitation of a jock voice, "like two bottles of Jack, man, you could get
some serious kinda fucked up on that, man...."  I started laughing along
with the rest of them.
     "Yeah, man," added Jill, in a similar voice, "and you could puke a
lot, too!"  She flipped God the bird, I guess, for making most men so
stupid, I guess.

***
20:05 28 Feb

     "No, see, it's really cool, isn't it?" I asked Kathy as I stroked
her face with the tips of my fingers.
     "Mmmmmm," was all she said, but she didn't get up, either.  I'd
never given, or even really heard of, a facial massage before, but from
the look on her face, she was enjoying it.  Her hair was spilled all
over the pillow and over my skirt, and she looked like she was really
into it.
     I glanced over at Debbie, and she had her eyes closed, as Pam did
the same thing to her that I was doing to Kathy.

***
20:11 28 Feb

     "So why did you go blonde the first few times?" Kathy asked me.
Now that I had my head in her lap, I had to look up.  Actually, thinking
was rather difficult as she continued to stroke through my hair.
     "Nnnn, ask Debbie, she's the one that got the wig."
     Debbie laughed.  "It was what Lisa let me have."
     "So why do you have a wig anyway?" I asked.  "Just for Halloween?
I mean, I don't know wigs, but that one seemed pretty good for just a
costume."
     Debbie and Lisa laughed.  "You wanna tell her or should I?" Debbie
asked.
     "I'll do it," Lisa groaned.  Then she perked up.  "It was back when
I was really depressed, last year.  My mom was telling me how pretty my
hair was, 'cause it used to be real long and stuff, remember?  Trying to
get me to cheer up, or some dumbass thing like that.  I was so fucked
up, I just went and shaved it off, down to the SKIN, and then went
around like that for a day or so before I figured out, oh my God, if she
sees me like this she'll have a cow."
     I wasn't the only one who snorted at that.  Lisa continued, "So I
snuck out of the house, I'd been hiding from them the whole time, and
went to this wig shop to get something that was like mine."  She shook
her head.  "Well, it took forever to grow in, and of course my folks
found out about it, but luckily it had grown out some when they caught
it, so it was kind of minor.  But I looked at it, I mean, the concept of
wearing a wig, 'cause I'd been doing it every day for almost a month
then, and it was like, man, I can take this off at night and it'll still
be ready in the morning!"  We all laughed, but even I could see the
advantage to that.
     "So anyway," Lisa continued, "I got some more in different colors
and stuff, and I ended up liking the style I'm wearing now, so when mine
got long enough, that's how I kept it.  That was the one you got, Val,
sort of the finalist."
     "So what did you do with the rest of 'em?" asked Jill when we
stopped laughing.

***
20:15 28 Feb

     I got saddled with one that was long, straight, and black.  Simple.
Debbie got a blonde one, I guess the one Lisa had gotten originally,
because the hair went almost all the way down her back.  Until Pam
grabbed it, straight off Debbie's head.
     "Wait wait wait, gimme that one," I said before Amanda could slip
on a mass of red curls.  "Debbie!  Try this!"  I tossed it to her.
     "I thought you said that wasn't a hint, last time."
     "What?"  Oh.  "It wasn't, then, but I kept thinking about it..."

***
20:16 28 Feb

     "Bad idea," said Debbie looking in the mirror.
     I sort of had to agree with her.  "Yeah.  Damn."
     She turned to me.  "Lemme try that one."  She pulled the black off
me, and we traded.  "Oooh, worse."
     "Yeah.  That is NOT your style."
     "Hey, try that red one on, Val..."  I slipped it into place.

***
20:18 28 Feb

     "I dunno...."  Sabrina kind of looked at me sideways.  "You're pale
enough to wear it."
     "What?"
     "Redheads, doof!  Real readheads don't tan, not when they're that
red.  They freckle.  And burn.  And have really pale skin."
     Oh.  The things you learn at slumber parties...

***
20:19 28 Feb

     "Oh, yes!" I enthused.  "You shoulda worn that instead of me!"
     Someone had forced the one I'd worn originally, on Debbie, and it
looked good.  Darn good.  Except she was blushing so hard.
     Kim pointed out, "Wouldn't'a done YOU a helluva lotta good if she
had, would it?"

***
20:26 28 Feb

     It had kind of settled down, except Debbie was braiding the longest
blonde one for Jill, and Pam and Kim were switching theirs every time
they thought nobody was looking.
     "You know," Kathy mentioned, "we are completely nuts."  She looked
vaguely Indian, with a long pageboy in black.
     "That's what Mike keeps telling me," I said.
     "Well, what do you say back?" Amanda asked.
     I shrugged.  "What can you say?  I'm completely nuts.  He's known
that for a long time."  I flipped the hair out of the way and leaned
back against the bed.  "Comes with being a social reject.  Makes you
crazy."
     Almost everyone nodded hard at that, like they knew what I was
talking about.  Which seemed kind of strange.  Then again, they'd dealt
with me pretty cool.  Which was pretty strange.

***
20:29 28 Feb

     "If you don't tell, Deb, I'm gonna," Kathy threatened.
     "Okay okay okay!"  Debbie sighed.  "What happened was, there was
this guy, back in eighth grade, and he just WOULD not leave me alone.
So I HAD to get rid of him..."
     "Why?" Amanda asked.
     Debbie said, "'Cause if I didn't, I mean, he kept showing up at my
HOUSE, and looking through the WINDOWS and shit, and I was afraid Mom
was gonna shoot him!  So was she!  So it was like for his own good..."

***
20:30 28 Feb

     I was laughing so hard I couldn't see any more.
     "Somebody smother her with a pillow!" Debbie commanded, managing to
stuff down her own giggles.

***
20:31 28 Feb

     "So I went to John, and-"
     "That's the haircut guy, right?" Amanda asked.  Debbie nodded.
"How did you meet him anyway?"
     Debbie shrugged.  "He's an old friend of Mom's, I think she went to
school with his older sister or something.  Anyway.  He used to do
pageants, so-"
     "Pageants?" me and Jill asked at the same time.
     Debbie said, "Drag shows."
     I started to laugh again, but this time I wasn't the only one.

***
20:33 28 Feb

     "Right, right, so it's like this big day, right?"  She was trying
so hard not to laugh, it made me hurt.  Me, I had my hand over my mouth.
"We go down to the salon, do him up, it takes like two hours, and at the
end of it he is completely gorgeous!  Made me sick."  She snorted
uncontrollably, but got it back, and went on, "Well, so we go out for
dinner, and like every guy in the place is looking at us, 'cause we're
out at Bennigan's on a Friday night, and we both look old enough..."

***
20:34 28 Feb

     "So we get there, right, and knock on the door, and lo and behold,
it's NOT a costume party!  Everybody's dressed in normal clothes!"
     "Ohmigod," breathed Kim, hand over her mouth.
     When it got quiet enough, Debbie continued, "And Lisa looks up,
and-"  Lisa put her face into this expression of utter shock.  "Yeah,
just like that, and-"
     Lisa put her hands to her face.  "Ohmigod, didn't you get my
message?" she quoted herself.  "I called you for like three hours!  The
costume places were out of so much, nobody could find costumes so it's
not a costume party any more!"
     Debbie took it up again, "And the place was like full of EVERY gay
guy we could find, like friends of John, and Kevin, my ex the fag, plus
anyone we thought could handle it-"
     "Why gay guys?" I had to ask.  It took me a couple of tries,
though.
     Lisa explained, "Because he was gonna be the belle of the ball,
except he did't know it, and we needed people who could kiss someone
they knew was a guy and not freak over it!"
     Debbie picked it up from Lisa, "But it's like NOT the crowd he was
expecting.  So he gets this look on his face, like 'Ohmigod, they're all
gonna think I'm a bimbo!' and he turns, and right behind us is a half
dozen more..."
     Lisa interrupted, "Except none of 'em look gay!  They're all the
'regular guy' kind of gays, so what it REALLY looks like is a party for
college guys!  And here he is, and THEY all know what's going on, so
like four of 'em make a beeline for him...."  She trailed off.
     "What happened?!"
     Debbie shook her head.  Lisa said, "He takes off!  He dodges the
guys at the door, and just starts to run!  And nobody can catch him,
they're all laughing too hard!"
     "Ohmigod, did he live?" Kim asked.
     They both nodded.  "I made sure he had some cash in his purse, and
that went with him," Debbie explained, "and I guess he caught a cab or
something, 'cause we never did find him."
     "He showed up at school on Monday, and he wouldn't even LOOK at her
again!" Lisa giggled.
     "Ohmigod, ohmigod..."

***
20:36 28 Feb

     "So what's the diff-"
     Debbie didn't even let me finish.  "I KNEW you were gonna ask
that!" she interrupted.  "Okay, first, nobody but me and Lisa knew about
YOU.  Second, I wasn't trying to get rid of you, I was TRYING to win
that two hundred dollars.  Third, if you remember, you weren't THAT
great looking, you were in costume."
     "So was he!" I pointed out.
     "Yeah, but you were a Biker Chick," I could hear her capitalize the
words, "but he was just dressed like any other senior slut out to
score-"
     Lisa broke in, "Wait!  I still got the PICTURES!"  She scrambled up
and into the closet.

***
20:37 28 Feb

     Yeah, I could see the difference between us two.  I looked like a
girl, all right, but one in a costume.  And, truth be told, not that
foxy except for the clothes.  Cute, but not foxy.  But this guy, they
had done his eyes too much, and he was wearing a dress that just
barely covered his nuts, I think, and his wig was teased up about six
inches, and with the five inch heels I dunno how he could walk.  It
screamed "Venereal Disease Carrier" to me, but there's a lot of guys who
couldn't see past the ends of their own dicks, and they'd think "Easy
Meat."
     "Oh dear oh dear oh dear," I sighed, looking at the picture.
     "And fourth, either me or Lisa was watching you all night long, to
make sure you DIDN'T get into trouble."
     "But Trav-"
     "Dancing isn't trouble, Val," Pam helpfully pointed out.
     "Sez you!"
     "Ah, well, actually, I meant to talk to you about that," Lisa
attempted to be casual.
     I stared at her in shock.  "Oh, no, not AGAIN!"

***
20:38 28 Feb

     "Just one, just one more, I swear to God, it's just the one-"
     "Oh my God, any more dates with him and he's gonna give me his
class ring!"
     Lisa pointed out, "We don't get ours until-"
     "I don't care!" I shrieked.  "He'll give me his letter jacket or
whatever, he'll follow me to the airport and I'll have to actually FLY
to New York-"
     Kathy grabbed me and started shaking me.  "Get a grip, get ahold of
yourself, Val."
     "Bubububub-" I pushed her off.  "Leggo!"

***
20:40 28 Feb

     "Well, look," Debbie was being reasonable about it.  I hated that.
"It's just the one, and you do have a contractual obligation to do this,
since you already got paid for it."  She would have to bring that up.

***
20:42 28 Feb

     I'd known from the beginning I'd lose.  But I had to fight.  I
couldn't live with myself if I just took this sort of stuff lying down.
     "Okay," I sighed, "but we're not gonna dress me up like a fox
again, okay?  Just something normal, this time.  Or I won't do it."
     "That's perfectly fine," Lisa said, just like she was a normal
human being.  "How do you like what you're wearing now?"
     I sighed again, just at the idea, and thought about it.  "I guess,
if I could drop some of the jewelry."

***
20:56 28 Feb

     "Val?  You're being quiet again," Pam warned me, but spoiled it by
giggling.
     "Well, I just dunno.  I guess I don't feel qualified to voice an
opinion."
     "Well," Pam pressed, "would you date him if you were a girl?  Just
if," she added to stop my protests.
     I sighed, and looked at the ceiling.  "Maybe."
     "That's no answer," Debbie pointed out.
     "Well, would you date him?  If you weren't already dating my
'brother'?"  There were a lot of snickers at that.
     "Um."  Now Debbie looked like she was on the spot.  Good.  "Maybe a
couple of times, I dunno about beyond that...."

***
21:11 28 Feb

     I admitted, "I thought it was so cool when I was growing up, I used
to watch it all the time.  Luckily, my sister wanted to watch it too."
     "For-"
     "Don Johnson!" everyone called out at the same time.  And laughed.
     I put my finger on my nose.  "You got it.  Though I don't know what
she thought she was gonna do about it...  she was like twelve when it
went off the air."
     Kim explained, "You're not sure yourself, but all your FRIENDS are
watching, so you have to, or you look like you're not with it."  That
got some more giggles.

***
21:18 28 Feb

     "Northern Exposure."
     "That was alright, but..."

***
21:19 28 Feb

     "Brisco County Junior."  Lots of giggling.

***
21:27 28 Feb

     "Val?"  Someone was shaking my shoulder.
     "Nnuh?  I'm awake," I lied, blinking hard.
     "Uh huh," said Kathy, not believing me either.  "Why don't'cha
change into your sleep stuff and take a nap?"
     "Nnnn."  I was completely comfy like this, actually.

***
21:31 28 Feb

     While I was changing, they pulled Lisa's four-poster completely
apart, into three matresses, and Lisa got tons of pillows and blankets
out of her closet.  Obviously, she'd done this before.
     They stuck me out of the way, behind a few of them, and it took me
a few minutes to go to sleep, with three of the pressed up against my
back.

***

TS Tip #16: Do not lie to law enforcement.  Bad Bad Bad.

"No I'm not very ____ing feminine and if you had my life you wouldn't be
so ____ing prissy yourself, you _____ing _____ed ______ jackass!"
- -ehayes


"Tallyho!"      \   /     @>--,--'--  ehayes@nym.alias.net  + vicki .sig
Ellen Hayes --=(*)=(*)=-- Renaissance Woman    ==[--------  + virus 9.1a
            http://www.geocities.com/WestHollywood/Heights/5734/


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